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Why We Rescued, and the Encouraging Growth of the Prolife Movement in the Thirty Years Since

In her recent article for The Gospel Coalition, “Why There Are Way More Pro-Life Protesters Than You Think,” Sarah Eekhoff Zylstra wrote about how the prolife movement has grown and changed over the years, starting back in the late 1980s with rescuing, which I, John Piper, and many others were a part of. (In fact, Piper and I “met” over the phone after we had both rescued for the first time on the same day, he in Minneapolis and I in Portland. We talked about the impact of rescuing on the churches where we were pastors.)

Warning: this blog is about twice as long as usual, because it’s more of an essay and commentary designed to give insight into a movement that played a big role in churches and was actually the reason that my life took the direction it did, starting with the founding of Eternal Perspective Ministries. That happened in 1990 when I had to resign as a pastor due to the lawsuits from abortion clinics. I don’t want to do this in two parts, so here it all is. I hope you find it interesting and helpful.

Sarah interviewed me and  I suggested others for her to contact about our involvement in civil disobedience on behalf of unborn children, including our friends Kathy and Ron Norquist. She also quoted from Liberty University English professor Karen Swallow Prior, who was involved with rescues in the early 90s across the country from us, in New York.

It is, admittedly, difficult for many people in 2020 to understand our actions then, as there is much that has been lost in translation or misunderstood over the past thirty years (indeed, our involvement was greatly misunderstood by many even back in the day, e.g. prominent evangelical pastors declared our actions as violating Scripture). I hope the following will provide some further clarification for those who wonder, “What exactly did you do, and why were you compelled to do it?” and “Was it worth it, and if so, why doesn’t rescuing happen now?”

What We Did

Rescuing was a peaceful, nonviolent, and united action in which people placed their bodies in front of the entrances of an abortion clinic. The purpose was to prevent access to the clinic and thereby to save the lives of unborn children who would otherwise be killed shortly after their mothers entered the building. (In the photo above, from The Gospel Coalition article, I’m in the back row, second from the right.)

We never shouted at or spoke harshly to the women who came for abortions. In fact, we signed a pledge card in which we promised not to raise our voices. The most central and basic components of our rescues were praying and singing.

Most, though unfortunately not all, rescue groups gave careful attention to developing standards of behavior. The group I rescued with had printed guidelines which were reviewed carefully before a rescue and enforced during it. Among them were these:

Please don’t talk with or shout at the police, passers-by, abortion-mill personnel or anyone else. Violators will be asked to leave if it becomes a problem.

Always walk, do not run. Ignore hecklers.

Do not lock arms or hold on to each other if police are arresting. Never block access to police.

We are not at war with the police, abortionists, escorts or hecklers. All our actions go back to the primary goal of saving babies’ lives and mothers from being exploited. We must keep focused on our goal of serving the Lord. This is not the place to enact any “personal agenda” one may have.

In addition, before participating in a rescue with this group, every person was required to sign the following pledge:

I pledge to be Christlike in my behavior and to cooperate with the leaders, spirit and goals set forth by Advocates for Life. I will remain peaceful and nonviolent in word and deed during all the activities associated with the rescue. Having prayerfully considered this pledge, I sign it with the determination to fulfill it as an obligation before God.

Why We Did It

The most critical premise behind rescuing was that the unborn is a human child, created in the image of God, as valuable in the sight of God as any born person. By the time their mothers reached the abortion clinic, the unborn were within minutes of being torn to pieces. We believed that physically preventing entrance to the clinic was the only remaining nonviolent avenue to save the child’s life. By that time, there was nothing more that could be done by the prolife educational and political organizations (which I worked with and supported) or the pregnancy centers (which I loved—I served on the board of the first one in the Pacific Northwest) to save these children’s lives.

Of course, mothers denied entrance still had the option of rescheduling an appointment at another time, at the same clinic or a different one. But the rescue accomplished several vital things. First and foremost, it bought time for the unborn child. The child didn’t die that day. Second, there was a good chance the child would not die at all. The mother might decide not to have an abortion, or to indefinitely delay rescheduling an abortion.

One abortionist complained that when a rescue occurred at his clinic, 20 to 25 percent of the women canceled their appointments and never came back. Years ago Planned Parenthood stated that 20 percent of women who missed their initial appointment for an abortion, regardless of the reason, did not come back to any clinic, and did not end up getting an abortion at all. That was one of their arguments against rescuing, and of course it became one of our arguments for it.

While the main goal of rescuing was to obey God by saving lives about to be killed, rescuing had secondary objectives as well. These included identifying with the victims, making the public aware of the holocaust, appealing to the conscience of society, and eventually effecting change in the laws. Our actions also appealed to the consciences of abortion clinic staff. In some cases, people were delivered from the darkness of child-killing through the influence of rescues.

In her article, Sarah quoted Karen Swallow Prior, who expressed this well: “I don’t look back with regret at all or think I wouldn’t do it over…. Some things mitigate or make that different now, but still—it was the right thing to do. We were not only preventing abortions, but we were also raising consciousness about abortion.”

The decision to rescue was difficult and the personal costs were sometimes great. But I and others were compelled by God’s Word: “Rescue from death those being led to slaughter” (Proverbs 24:11). And, “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves . . . defend the rights of the poor and needy” (Proverbs 31:8–9, NIV). The theme of intervening on behalf of the weak and vulnerable, of protecting the helpless from the abuses of others, is central to literally hundreds of passages, and is one of the most dominant themes in the entire Bible.

I asked myself if I really believed these unborn children were human beings, mercilessly slaughtered in my own city every day. If so, why wasn’t I doing what I told myself I would be doing if they were older and bigger people as in Nazi Germany? Abortion was killing innocent people. Why wasn’t I doing for them what I would do for other innocent people killed in other ways?

Sarah quoted my good friend and brother Ron Norquist in her article:

“Before rescues, there was the idea of the humanity of the unborn,” he said. “The one thing the rescues did was solidify the fact—these are actual human beings being led to slaughter. Proverbs 24:11 says to rescue them.”

Norquist, who was an insurance agent at the time, “didn’t really know what Jesus would do, because he didn’t have that situation. But I thought there was enough in Scripture that we should at least do something nonviolent with our own body, like you would if they were taking two-year-olds in there.”

As I wrote in my book Is Rescuing Right, I couldn’t escape either the biblical or historical examples of believers breaking the law to save lives. I was touched deeply by Pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s courage, publicly criticizing Hitler and calling upon the German church to stand up for the Jews. (In fact, though he was a lifelong advocate of peaceful actions in the name of Jesus, he was ultimately hung by the Nazis because of his involvement in a plot to assassinate Adolph Hitler.) Francis Schaeffer’s call to defend the unborn affected me profoundly. (See this article for a longer summary of Scriptural and historical perspectives on rescuing and civil disobedience. If you have time and are interested in reading more, here is the text of closing arguments I prepared for the court case in which a group of prolifers and I were ultimately found guilty.)

One important clarification: civil disobedience is not revolution. Revolution is violent and sweeping in its implications; civil disobedience is the breaking of a specific law in a context of general respect for the law. Rescuing acknowledged the purpose and legitimacy of government. It was not clandestine. It was not violent. Compassion for the victim, not hatred for the victimizer, motivated us.

Suppose you heard that I drove a car ninety miles an hour down a freeway. Was I right or wrong? I was wrong, of course. After all, I broke the law. If you heard that a policeman had pulled me over and cited me you’d say, “Fine, he deserved it.”

But suppose you found out later that lying in the back of the car was my young daughter, who had a ruptured appendix. She could have died any minute, and I broke the law in an attempt to get her to the doctor to save her life. Would this additional factor affect your opinion about whether my action was right or wrong? Of course it would. As long as you focus on the law, on the speed limit, on why Christians must always obey such laws, you will condemn my action. But when you remember the little child in the back seat, it changes everything. The child about to die makes all the difference.

Was It Worth It?

Between May 1988 and May 1989 Operation Rescue, a national organization founded by Randall Terry, documented 224 cases of babies whose lives were definitely saved through rescues. This does not include lives saved in rescues unaffiliated with Operation Rescue, or the many situations impossible to follow up and document. The total number for that one-year period was almost certainly in the thousands, but even if “only” in the hundreds, isn’t that still significant?

On a busy Saturday in our area there was one clinic that could do forty abortions. If a rescue closed the clinic for the day and 20 percent didn’t reschedule an abortion there or elsewhere (using Planned Parenthood’s figures), then that was eight lives saved. If the clinic was closed only half the day, then maybe it was four lives saved. If it was a smaller clinic or we were arrested early, maybe it was “only” two lives saved.

Multiply that by six or twelve or twenty rescues a year in one area, then multiply again by over a hundred other places in the country where rescues were being regularly done. The number saved may still have been small compared to the number killed, but what kind of price tag do we put on a few thousand children, a few hundred, or even a dozen?

One time a woman from my church told me she’d scheduled an abortion, then the night before she saw us on the news, blocking doors at the clinic, and also saw me standing there reading from a Bible. As a result God spoke to her heart, and after thinking it through decided to have her baby. I would see her and her child or other family from time to time even years later.

When I was involved with rescuing, I met a young couple with a beautiful baby in their arms. Some months earlier they’d come for an abortion. They listened to a sidewalk counselor. They’d decided to let their baby live. And through the contact with Christians they’d come to a saving knowledge of Christ. Not only is the baby alive—she’s growing up in a Christian home. I remember thinking, “If being part of this makes me a fanatic, it’s a label I’m willing to bear!”

The year and a half that I participated in rescuing brought many difficulties, including multiple arrests, a night in jail, and ultimately the $8.2 million judgment against me and a group of prolifers. However, in the midst of these difficulties my family and I deeply sensed the presence and approval of our Lord Jesus. He faithfully walked ahead of and beside us. We experienced peace and joy. These transcended every difficult circumstance that came out of our choice to rescue the unborn.

What Changed, and the Prolife Movement Today

As Sarah shared in her article, the negative media coverage and the legal consequences of rescuing became much greater as the movement continued:

From 1977 to 1989, more than 24,000 prolife protesters were arrested at abortion clinics.

The high number of arrests continued into the ’90s, then dropped off abruptly: In 1993, there were 1,236 arrests. In 1994, 217. In 1995, 54. By 2000, there were none.

“There were two serious obstacles that shut down sit-ins or diminished their effectiveness, and pushed protesters in a different direction,” Americans United for Life (AUL) attorney Clarke Forsythe told TGC. One was the media coverage, which “did not favor” the demonstrators. The other was the threat of legal prosecution, which culminated in the passage of the Federal Access to Clinic Entrances Act, signed into law by President Bill Clinton in 1994.

But God was at work even in this. As Sarah explained, this opposition helped the prolife movement find new strategies and even grow explosively. When rescuing gained public attention in 1987 and 1988, through the large Operation Rescue interventions, this served to rejuvenate a sagging prolife movement. Even those prolife organizations that were not supportive of rescuing benefited from the renewed interest in saving unborn children.

Today, thousands of prolife organizations around the country and throughout the world provide free pregnancy tests, ultrasounds, counseling, support groups, childcare classes, financial management education, babysitting, diapers, children’s clothes, and housing. Most of these centers have dozens of volunteers, some of them hundreds, donating not only time spent with clients, but also everything from clothing to maintenance to service to office supplies and computer support. I served on the board of one such center, on the steering committee to get another started, and have spoken at dozens of them across the country. Though their services cost them a great deal of money—as opposed to making them a great deal of money—there are many more pregnancy resource centers in the United States than there are abortion clinics. (See this excellent article.)

Add to these tens of thousands of churches donating time, money, food, house repairs, and every other kind of help to needy pregnant women, single mothers, and low-income families. Countless prolifers adopt children, open their homes, and volunteer to help children after they’re born. I’ve seen a wide variety of prolife ministries close-up. In nearly every case I’ve walked away impressed with the difference they’re making. Together these efforts comprise the single largest grassroots volunteer movement in history.

In addition, there are still prolifers who go to clinics to pray and act as sidewalk advocates to women who come to get abortions. Except where court injunctions have created no-access zones in front of clinics, sidewalk counseling is perfectly legal. In fact, advocates can stand on the perimeter of the forbidden zones and still talk to most of the abortion-bound mothers. They are not arrested, prosecuted, jailed, or sued. Others can join them, holding signs that offer help and support. God has used these efforts to save unborn children and help women. (See this article by Kathy Norquist and Sidewalk Advocates for Life for more information.)

For a variety of reasons, it has been thirty years since I last engaged in civil disobedience. But I believe God called me to that one method for a period of time, just as He called me to work with pregnancy centers years before that. Now our ministry gives substantial funds to support the prolife cause. I still speak up for the unborn in mes­sages, writings, and personal conversations. This will always be a cause close to my heart, because I believe it is close to God’s heart.

Overall, the prolife cause has grown and gained greater visibility in the last three decades. Sarah shared these encouraging statistics in her article:

In 2015, the number of protesters reported by abortion clinics rose dramatically from where it had hovered since the mid-’90s (usually between 5,000 to 10,000 a year), to more than 20,000. The next year, it was more than 60,000. The next year, 78,000.

Last summer, the National Abortion Federation (NAF) said the number of protesters reported by abortion clinics exceeded 99,000 in 2018—the most, by far, ever seen in the United States.

She also writes:

It’s hard to say what’s working—the pro-life legislation, the presence of protesters, the availability of pregnancy centers, the improving ultrasound technology, the destigmatizing of single motherhood, or increased access to birth control—but something is. In 2017, abortions dropped to the lowest rate since Roe v. Wade.

“That blows my mind every single time I think of it,” Americans United for Life president Catherine Glenn Foster said. “We are making incredible progress.”

Even in this world I’m optimistic about the opportunity to impact and influence all kinds of people. I’ve seen joy and peace in the lives of many women who’ve had an experience of forgiveness after their abortions and many women who, as a result of intervention, spared the lives of their children.

Someone told me about a woman on her way to have an abortion. She got behind a car with a prolife bumper sticker. What happened next? She turned around, canceled her appointment, and had the baby. If God can use even a bumper sticker to save two lives—a baby from death and a mother from great harm—how might He use even your own modest efforts? One of our dearest friends, who suffered much from abortions, came to faith in Jesus when she lived with us as a pregnant teenager (you can read her testimony here). We were with her 33 years later when she met the boy she had placed for adoption. How can you put a price on that?

Every time the lies of Satan the child-killer are exposed—each time a mind is changed, a life is saved, and a woman is spared the horrors of abortion—God is glorified and a great battle has been won. Great stories of what we never saw in this life await us in eternity whenever we heed those words of our God that bear repeating here:

Rescue from death those being led to slaughter. (Proverbs 24:11)

 Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
    for the rights of all who are destitute.
Speak up and judge fairly;
    defend the rights of the poor and needy. (Proverbs 31:8–9)

Browse more prolife articles and resources, as well as see Randy’s books  Why ProLife?  and  ProLife Answers to ProChoice Arguments .

Phan Thi Kim Phuc’s Story: The Beauty of Forgiveness, and a Powerful Example of Romans 8:28

One of the best-known photographs from the Vietnam War is a Pulitzer Prize–winning picture of a young burn victim running in terror, arms outstretched, after a napalm bomb was dropped on her village. After months of hospitalization and multiple surgeries, nine-year-old Phan Thi Kim Phuc returned to her family.

What doctors couldn’t heal, Kim Phuc says, was her heart: “The anger inside me was like a hatred high as a mountain.”

But God reached out to Kim Phuc. She found a Bible and talked with a believer who invited her to church, where Kim Phuc chose to trust in Christ: “Jesus helped me learn to forgive my enemies.”

Fourteen years later, while speaking in Washington, DC, she met John Plummer, who had helped coordinate the air strike on her childhood village.

John wrote of their meeting, “She held out her arms to me and embraced me. All I could say was, ‘I’m sorry; I’m so sorry,’ over and over again. At the same time she was saying, ‘It’s all right; it’s all right; I forgive; I forgive.’”

Today, Kim Phuc heads up KIM Foundation International. Its mission is “to help heal the wounds suffered by innocent children and to restore hope and happiness to their lives.”

Kim Phuc’s story demonstrates Romans 8:28 in action: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). Now, no translation of Romans 8:28 says “each thing by itself is good,” but “all things work together for good,” and not on their own, but under God’s sovereign hand. I needn’t say, “It’s good,” if my house burns down, I’m robbed and beaten, or my child dies—or in Kim Phuc’s case, being terribly burned in childhood and suffering a lifetime of physical effects as a result. But God, in His wisdom, uses our circumstances to produce something wonderful—Christlikeness—for His glory and our ultimate joy. God’s children have “been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will” (Ephesians 1:11).

Watch Kim Phuc share her story in this touching video:

You can also read her testimony.

For more related to the subject of suffering, see Randy’s book If God Is Good, as well as the devotional 90 Days of God’s Goodness and book The Goodness of God. Also, the booklet If God Is Good, Why Do We Hurt? deals with the question and shares the gospel so that both unbelievers and believers can benefit.

Photos: Kim Foundation International Facebook page

Christians Grieve the Death of Believing Loved Ones, But We Don’t Grieve Without Hope

Death is not a natural part of life as God intended it. It is the unnatural result of evil. And yet through Jesus’ death and resurrection, God has removed the ultimate sting of death, which explains the appropriate sense of peace and triumph that accompanies grief at a Christian’s memorial service.

I’ve conducted funerals for both Christians and non-Christians. As I look into the eyes of those gathered, the tears are just as real for Christians, but I also see hope, perspective, and peace in the midst of their mourning. We haven’t lost our believing loved ones—we know where they are. And we know that in the resurrection we will live with God and with them on a New Earth.

For Christians, death is not a wall but a doorway. Death is not a last good-bye but a “See you later.” We grieve differently, yet honestly and openly, precisely because we look forward to our reunion and to a New Heaven and a New Earth (see 2 Peter 3:13).

Death isn’t the worst that can happen to us; on the contrary, for God’s children, death leads to the best. Paul says, “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.… I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far” (Philippians 1:21, 23). Lest we think he was speaking purely by faith, the truth is that Paul himself had actually been taken into Heaven years before writing those words (2 Corinthians 12:1–6). He knew firsthand what awaited him in Paradise. He wasn’t speculating when he called it gain. To be in the very presence of Jesus, enjoying the wonders of His being, to be with God’s people and no longer subject to sin and suffering? “Better by far” is an understatement!

Yet this same Paul does not tell the Thessalonians that they should not grieve at all concerning their loved ones who have died. Rather, he writes, “that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13)—they should not grieve in the same way, with the same bitter despair, that unbelievers have. But certainly they should grieve.

He assures them that Christ “died for us so that whether we wake or sleep we might live with him” (1 Thessalonians 5:10), and thereby encourages them that those who have died have gone to be with the Lord. That is why Scripture can say, “Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord henceforth . . . that they may rest from their labors” (Revelation 14:13). In fact, Scripture even tells us, “Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints” (Psalm 116:15).

Therefore, though we have genuine sorrow when Christian friends and relatives die, we also can say with Scripture, “O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting? . . . Thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 15:55-57). Though we mourn, our mourning should be mixed with worship of God and thanksgiving for the life of the loved one who has died.

In this video, a clip from my Eternity 101 class, I share a quote from Charles Spurgeon related to our loved ones who have died, and also discuss how it can’t be wrong to weep over death, since Jesus Himself did:

Jonathan Edwards, whose theology of sovereign grace Charles Spurgeon loved, saw no conflict between anticipating our relationships with God and anticipating our relationships with our loved ones in Heaven:

Every Christian friend that goes before us from this world is a ransomed spirit waiting to welcome us in heaven. There will be the infant of days that we have lost below, through grace to be found above. There the Christian father, and mother, and wife, and child, and friend, with whom we shall renew the holy fellowship of the saints, which was interrupted by death here, but shall be commenced again in the upper sanctuary, and then shall never end. There we shall have companionship with the patriarchs and fathers and saints of the Old and New Testaments, and those of whom the world was not worthy. . . . And there, above all, we shall enjoy and dwell with God the Father, whom we have loved with all our hearts on earth; and with Jesus Christ, our beloved Savior, who has always been to us the chief among ten thousands, and altogether lovely; and with the Holy Spirit, our Sanctifier, and Guide, and Comforter; and shall be filled with all the fullness of the Godhead forever!

What a world that will be—to live in rich eternal fellowship with the triune God and the great family of His redeemed. I’m overwhelmed just thinking of it. What a great God we’ll enjoy and serve forever! What a great time we’ll have together there!

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Photo by Kerri Shaver on Unsplash

Joy Is Found in Being Rich in Good Works: Tom and Bree Hsieh’s Story

Why has God made us rich compared to much of the world we live in? There is a direct biblical answer: “Your plenty will supply what they need. . . . You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion” (2 Corinthians 8:14; 9:11). Don’t assume that God prospers you beyond what you need just to raise your standard of living. It’s more likely, according to these verses, that He prospers you to raise your standard of giving. He provides in excess not for us to live excessively, but so we can become rich in good works.

As thoughtful Christ-followers, we should never assume that financial abundance is God’s provision for us to live in luxury. We should assume that God entrusts us with His money not to build our kingdom on Earth, but to build his Kingdom in Heaven. A good question to ask God is, “Lord, whose kingdom am I focused on building: yours or mine?”

Tom Hsieh worked for a successful network and communications provider, and he later became CEO and co-owner of a telecom consulting firm. Tom and his wife, Bree, chose to live in Pomona, California, then the fourth-largest city in LA County—and the second poorest. They decided to live at or below the median household income there in order to fit in with the neighbors they wanted to reach. (At one point, this was $45,000 a year, while they were making far more and giving away the rest.)

When the company Tom worked for, EarthLink, went public, Tom’s stock options suddenly made him a millionaire several times over. By then he and his family had discovered that God took care of them quite well on $45,000, allowing them to experience the joy of generosity. So when his subordinates showed up driving brand-new luxury cars and high-end SUVs, he continued to drive his used three-cylinder Geo Metro, and it made him smile. Why? Because his car was fine, and he had the far greater joy of giving away most of his income to Kingdom causes.

Intentionally living in the inner city has given Tom and Bree unique ministry experiences. When they were on a walk one day, two boys stopped and asked if they knew the Bible and would teach it to them. The next Wednesday, the boys showed up with several of their friends, and they continued to come each week. “I’ve never had that happen to me before in the suburbs,” Tom says. He goes on to add, “We get to be a part . . . of shining God’s light here in this neighborhood.”

Another time Tom and Bree invited a troubled young girl to live with them. “We saw [her] life completely changed in twelve weeks,” Bree says. “I think we have to just believe, as people who follow Jesus, that our lives can make a difference when we follow him.”

The Hsiehs also opened their home to neighbors who had lost their apartment and were living in substandard conditions with their children. Having so many people under one roof was sometimes stressful, but overall they say it was “amazing.” Tom and Bree knew this arrangement presented some challenges for their daughter, Cadence, who lost some of her space and toys. When Bree asked her what she learned, Cadence said, “It was hard, but if you let it happen your heart gets bigger and there’s room for more people. So it’s really worth it.”

The Hsieh family knows the joy of being rich in good works. In the process, they have stored up not only future eternal treasures but also present treasured relationships. By some people’s definitions, they have turned away from the good life they could easily afford. But by giving what they could have kept, they have taken hold of the truly good life, which is both priceless and enduring.

You can watch the Hsiehs tell their story in this video from a few years ago:

And here’s a more recent update from the Hsiehs, from their interview with Generous Giving:

Excerpted from Randy’s book Giving Is the Good Life.

Photo by Anna Earl on Unsplash

Is All Sin the Same to God and Therefore Punished the Same in Hell?

The widely stated notion “all sin is alike to God” is not grounded in Scripture. Yes, all sin is bad, separates us from God, and is deserving of God’s wrath. All sin crucified Jesus, and He freely offers His grace because no sin is beyond the reach of God’s grace. But it’s a myth that every sin is exactly the same to God.

Think of what 1 Corinthians 6:18 says: “Flee sexual immorality! Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the person who is sexually immoral sins against his own body” (CSB). Note the clear distinction between “every other sin” and “the person who is sexually immoral.” There is something qualitatively different about sexual sin. (Why? Because as I explore in my book The Purity Principle, sex is not just something you do; sex is someone you are.)

Think also of Proverbs where the seven deadly sins are singled out, and the New Testament elder qualifications which list out some sins that disqualify men from church leadership.

Scripture is clear on the fact that there is greater judgment on some sins than others. All unbelievers will stand before Christ for judgment. This judgment includes “the dead, great and small” (Revelation 20:12), and Paul says that “on the day of wrath when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed...he will render to every man according to his works…for those who are factious and do not obey the truth, but obey wickedness, there will be wrath and fury” (Romans 2:5-7).

There will be degrees of punishment for those who reject Christ. The dead were (actually, will be, but this is said in a prophetic past tense) judged “by what they had done” (Revelation 20:12, 13). This judgment requires an evaluation of the works people have done, and clearly people have done different kinds of works—not all are the same.

Jesus says, “And that servant who knew his master’s will, but did not make ready or act according to his will, shall receive a severe beating. But he who did not know, and did what deserved a beating, shall receive a light beating” (Luke 12:47-48).

Jesus said to the cities of Chorazin and Bethsaida, “But I tell you, it will be more bearable on the day of judgment for Tyre and Sidon than for you.” (Matthew 11:22). In verses 23 and 24 He said, “And you, Capernaum, will you be exalted to heaven? You will be brought down to Hades. For if the mighty works done in you had been done in Sodom, it would have remained until this day. But I tell you that it will be more tolerable on the day of judgment for the land of Sodom than for you.”

Jesus said the scribes “will receive the greater condemnation” (Luke 20:47). He also said some people will be “beaten with many blows” and others “beaten with few blows” (Luke 12:47–48).

In my mind all these passages unmistakably indicate that there will be degrees of punishment. (How else would you interpret the meaning of these verses?)

Every wrong deed done will be remembered and taken account of: “On the day of judgment men will render account for every careless word they utter” (Matthew 12:36). Every word spoken, every deed done will be brought to light and receive judgment: “For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil” (Ecclesiastes 12:14).

On judgment day the secrets of people’s hearts will be revealed and made public. Paul speaks of the day when “God judges the secrets of men by Christ Jesus” (Romans 2:16; compare Luke 8:17). “Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed upon the housetops” (Luke 12:2-3).

The old question of whether Hitler will have exactly the same judgment in Hell as your average sinner seems to be addressed in these passages. Of course, that is not great comfort, since hell is hell, but it is a vindication of God’s justice, and He is perfectly just and good.

I share more thoughts in this video clip:

See also John Piper’s answer to the question “Are All Sins Equal Before God?”

Also see my answer to the question “Will All People Be Equal in Heaven?”

Photo by The Creative Exchange on Unsplash

When It Comes to Parenting Your Teenage Children, No One Can Take Your Place

If we don’t think strategically about parenting, then we’ve made a statement: our children aren’t important, or parenting comes so naturally that it happens without our attention. My advice is to get more involved in your teenagers’ lives, and be more alert to youth culture. Understanding that culture allows you to recognize the temptations, challenges, and opportunities your children face.

Too often youth pastors get the blame for students whose parents expect the church to “fix” their kids. Unfortunately, speaking as both a parent and a former youth pastor, it isn’t that easy. The church can and should be a source of guidance and support for parents. But no youth group is a substitute for attentive, hands-on parenting. (Not to mention on-your-knees parenting.)

The choices your children make when it comes to friends are critically important.

As I look back on our daughters’ teenage years, their solid friendships with committed Christians—most of them in our church youth group—were absolutely crucial. As parents we took primary responsibility for input to their lives. Still, there is no way to overestimate the importance of their peer influences.

Your child’s closest friends will greatly influence their values, attitudes, and behaviors. I know young people who love Jesus and have chosen their friends wisely. Their friends have raised the bar for each other, challenging them to jump higher in the areas of following Christ and maintaining purity. I also know young people who have made poor choices and have experienced terrible consequences, some that will affect them the rest of their lives.

Parents also need to understand the balance of truth and grace.

Regarding truth, if we as parents don’t teach our kids to discern between good and evil, who will? The church needs to be there not only to train and guide children, but also to equip parents. But parents shouldn’t wait for the church to teach their children. As Deuteronomy 6 makes clear, a child’s primary education is inside their home.

Regarding grace, if parents aren’t loving and forgiving, then our children won’t see Jesus in us. And our well-intentioned rules will drive them away from God, not toward Him. Our kids need us to not only raise the bar high for them—and make no mistake, they do need that—but also to believe the best of them, being quick to affirm and offer grace when they stumble. This will help them not to give up because they think they can’t please us, and therefore can’t please God.

A home full of grace is also full of truth because grace doesn’t make people less holy; it makes them more holy. Grace doesn’t make people despise or neglect truth; it makes them love and follow truth. Far from a free pass to sin, grace is a supernatural empowerment not to sin (Titus 2:11–12).

May your children see in you the Jesus who came “full of grace and truth” (John 1:14).

Leave your children a lasting spiritual legacy.

Parents, if I could give you one piece of advice, it would be this: When it comes to your children’s lives, no one can take your place. So, don’t wait for someone else to talk to your kids about Jesus. Do it yourself. Read Scripture with them. Memorize it together. Pray with them. Go help the needy together. Give together and serve together. Show them what it means to be a disciple.

It only takes money to leave an inheritance. It takes character and spiritual vitality, “a long obedience in the same direction,” to leave a true heritage.

What will your kids remember?

Dad was too busy to help me, too busy to talk with Mom, too busy to volunteer for even the most basic ministry at church, so busy reading the news or playing on his phone that there was no time for the Bible, so busy buying new cars there was no money to give to missions? If that’s true, my friend, no amount of money you leave can cover up the fact that you have left your family nothing of eternal value.

My mother left me no money, but she left me a heritage that I thank God for every day. She didn’t even come to Christ until after I did. In everything of value I do, in everything of value my daughters do, the quality of my mother’s life is and will always be present. That is heritage.

“We will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done” (Psalm 78:4).

For more on the balance of grace and truth, see Randy’s book  The Grace and Truth Paradox , and his devotionals  Grace  and  Truth .

Photo by Eye for Ebony on Unsplash

Job Satisfaction Is About More Than Finding the Perfect Job

Writing in the New York Times, Arthur Brooks summarizes modern happiness research: “It turns out that choosing to pursue four basic values of faith, family, community and work is the surest path to happiness.”

It’s possible to maximize our happiness in whatever work God gives us by doing it with excellence.

Martin Luther King Jr. said, “If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, ‘Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.’”

This is a biblically grounded statement, in keeping with the words of Paul: “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men” (Colossians 3:23). When we work out of duty alone, we likely won’t experience happiness. When we’re trying to please people, we become unhappy if they’re displeased with us. If we labor to earn God’s favor, we’ll either imagine we’ve earned it and become proud and unhappy, or we’ll realize we can’t and become depressed and unhappy. Working for minimum wage, or for no pay at all, when done honestly and for God’s glory, can bring more joy than any million-dollar salary (see Proverbs 10:9; Proverbs 11:1; 1 Corinthians 4:2; 1 Corinthians 10:31; Hebrews 13:18).

If you’re truly dissatisfied in your work, consider changing jobs, if you can—even if it means living on a lower income. But seeming drudgery can become fulfilling when our perspectives change. If we believe in God’s sovereign plan, we’ll work at our jobs to please Him, grow in character and Christlikeness, and use our unique sphere of influence to share the gospel.

Though I haven’t seen them for twenty years, I’ve never forgotten the father and son who picked up our trash each week. I could hear them singing and laughing. If I was outside when they came by, they’d say, “Have a great day!”—and it was obvious that’s what they were having! Likewise, God the Father loves Jesus. It showed in His work, and His Son entered into His Father’s happiness.

English architect Sir Christopher Wren (1632–1723) supervised the construction of a number of magnificent cathedrals in London. According to one story, a journalist interviewed some of the workers at a building site. He asked three of them, “What are you doing?”

The first replied, “I’m cutting stone for 10 shillings a day.”

The next answered, “I’m putting in 10 hours a day on this job.”

The third said, “I’m helping Sir Christopher Wren construct one of London’s greatest cathedrals.”

It’s pretty obvious which of these people was the happiest! There’s nothing wrong with working to be paid. But if we see the greater significance of our work—no matter how menial—and we do it all to God’s glory, it changes everything.

Excerpted from Randy's book Happiness. 

Photo by Rob Lambert on Unsplash

Our Lives Are Part of the Greatest Redemptive Story Ever Told, Authored by God

Though I write mostly nonfiction, I’ve written nine works of fiction, seven of them full-length novels. Like many fiction writers, I’ve spent considerable time developing the craft of storytelling.

What makes a good story? Interesting characters, significant conflict, the thwarting of desires, and a satisfying (if not triumphant) resolution. It must avoid predictability and its characters have to continuously develop—and the higher the stakes, the better the story.

Now, consider God as the great Storyteller. With grand artistry, He writes into the story the characters, both angels and people, with different names, personas, and circumstances. He tells us of Michael and Lucifer, brother archangels. Lucifer rebels and becomes Satan. He takes a third of the angels down with him. When Satan first appears in the garden, we know none of this; God doesn’t tell us this backstory until much later.

As the culmination of His new universe, God creates Adam and Eve. He could have kept them from temptation and so prevented evil, suffering, and the Curse. But no rebellion, no drama, no story. Without the high stakes of humanity’s alienation from God, there can be no redemption.

Evil enters the world. And right then and there God promises a Redeemer, the woman’s offspring. His people, century after century, expect the Redeemer to come soon, overthrow His enemies, and set up His kingdom—end of story.

But that’s not how it happens.

A Fantastic Plot Twist

Instead, thousands of years pass as humanity continues its struggle with evil and suffering. Finally, in a fantastic plot twist, God becomes a humble carpenter, heals the sick, raises the dead, and allows others to kill Him. He does it all to redeem the people He loves. He rises from the dead, commands and empowers His followers to serve Him, then leaves but promises to return.

With compelling resurrection evidence to back it up, He reiterates the promise—one day He’ll make all things right and will live forever with His people.

The first three chapters of God’s story, as told in the Bible, set up the unfolding drama of redemption. The last three chapters show how God will judge evil, reward good, and come down to the New Earth to live with His children forever. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more suffering and evil.

The Greatest of Redemptive Stories

This is the greatest story ever told. Secular reviewers often say of a book, “This is a powerful redemptive story.” The very concept of a redemptive story flows from the Bible’s story of redemption. It’s the prototype of all great stories.

Suppose you could remove from the story Lucifer’s fall and Adam and Eve’s sin. Take away Cain and Abel’s conflict, the Flood, Babel, and the battles Joseph, Job, Moses, David, and Elijah had with evil and suffering. Remove all wars and heartbreaks and yearnings for something better. Take them all away and you would also take away Jesus, who would not become one of us in order to reveal God’s character and save us from our sins.

The second person of the triune God would still exist, of course, but no God-man, no incarnation, no need for incarnation. No first coming, no second coming. No New Heaven and New Earth, only the same one continuing forever. The result? Less appreciation for peace because war had never broken out; less appreciation for food because famine had never occurred; less appreciation for righteousness because sin never appeared. Less love for life because death never happened. Less glory to God and heartfelt worship because we’d never have seen his attributes of grace and mercy and patience.

As a member of the real-life story’s cast, you might wish for a world untouched by evil and suffering. That’s understandable, because life is hard as the story unfolds; and it will be hard until it culminates or you leave the stage, having played your part.

But if you sat in the audience, which story would you prefer to watch? And if you wrote the story, which version would you prefer to write? And even as a cast member, having endured such difficulty, ten thousand years from now at the ongoing cast party in honor of the Writer and Director, when grand tales make the rounds at dinner tables on the New Earth—which story do you think you would cast your vote for?

Great Good out of Great Suffering

Don’t most, if not all, of the greatest virtues surface in response to evil and suffering? Think of your favorite books and movies. Take Braveheart, Saving Private Ryan, Schindler’s List, Amistad, Star Wars, or The Lord of the Rings. The virtues and camaraderie, the courage and sacrifice central to these stories simply would not exist without a context of evil and suffering.

Do you agree that some great goods such as courage and sacrifice and compassion materialize only in the presence of evil and suffering? If you do, then you recognize that if God allowed less evil in the world, there would also be less good.

If you could snap your fingers and remove all evil and suffering that has ever happened, would you? If you did, then Frederick Douglass, Sojourner Truth, Abraham Lincoln, Harriet Tubman, Susan B. Anthony, and William Wilberforce would just be names. Without his deafness, we don’t know whether Beethoven would have written his symphonies. Had John Bunyan not been unjustly imprisoned, he almost certainly would not have written Pilgrim's Progress.

On January 13, 1982, Air Florida Flight 90 faced icy weather upon departing Washington, DC. The Boeing 737 skidded off the runway, slammed into the Fourteenth Street Bridge, and careened into the deathly cold Potomac River. Five passengers clung to the broken-off tailpiece, floating in icy water.

A rescue helicopter dropped a lifeline, pulling up one person. When the second lifeline fell to Arland Williams, forty-six, he quickly passed it on to save another. The third and fourth lifelines came, and again he passed them to others. By the time the fifth and last lifeline dropped, Williams had drowned in the frigid water. Rescuer Gene Windsor wept as he described what Williams had done: “He could have gone on the first trip, but he put everyone else ahead of himself. Everyone.”

My heart aches for the many families whose loved ones perished in that crash. Yet this act of heroism, as have countless others, enriches us and challenges us to strengthen our own characters so in a similar circumstance we might do the same.

We’re Characters in God’s Story

I don’t ask my characters for permission to let them suffer and face evil because, as the author, I know the best ending for the story.

Let’s, for a moment, grant life to fictional characters. If, in an interview with a character from one of my novels, you were to ask whether he’d like to be written out of the story, he would answer no. Nonexistence appeals to no one. Now, ask him if he would like to suffer less, and he’ll answer yes.

Ah, but I know I have something greater in store for my characters. So I do not let them walk out of my novels in protest.

I sympathize with my characters, since I too am a character in God’s story. At times I’d like to take a break from the drama. Three months off without stress would feel nice. But I honestly wouldn’t want a permanent break, because the story gives meaning to my life. I’m part of something great, far bigger than myself. And I trust God not only to bring the whole story together, but to do with my part of it what He knows to be best.

How many of us would have chosen to leave the warmth and security of our mother’s womb for a world of noise, bright lights, cold, hunger, and thirst? Yet, knowing what you know now, would you want to go back?

In my novels, the main characters face great conflict, turmoil, uncertainty, and suffering. Some die. So who am I to say God shouldn’t write such things into His story, including my part?

God created all the characters in His story. He loves a great story, and He has made us to love it. Before we fault Him for the plot twists we don’t like, we should remember that Jesus has written this story in His own blood.

On this subject of God’s redemptive story, let me recommend Nancy and Robert Wolgemuth’s book You Can Trust God to Write Your Story: Embracing the Mysteries of Providence. It’s a unique and charming book, integrating stories of God’s providence from His people and His Word. Nancy and Robert write personally and beautifully, infusing readers with a Christ-centered vision, hope, and trust for the future. (Read an excerpt.)

And for more on trusting God’s sovereignty in suffering, see my books If God Is Good (which this article is excerpted from) and The Goodness of God.

Photo by Da Kraplak on Unsplash

A Better Kind of Abundance

God took physician Renee Lockey completely by surprise one day while she was out running. At the height of her career, she sensed that he was planting an idea in her head: “Work like a doctor and live like a nurse.”

Renee now lives on a nurse’s salary and gives away the rest of her income. She says, “When we take this idea literally—that we are His—it results in a drastically different way of thinking and living."

While Renee’s colleagues might assume she has denied herself the good life by living below her means, in reality, she has discovered the secret to the abundant life.

Treasure No One Can Steal

John 10 shows us that the false shepherds of Israel, the Pharisees, sought to keep people from Jesus, the one true Shepherd. Jesus promises abundant life, and in contrast, He speaks of false religious teachers as thieves and murderers who rob people of life. He said of Himself:

Truly, truly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. All who came before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. (John 10:7-11)

When Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy,” He was alerting us to how much the devil hates life. But Satan isn’t only a liar and a killer; he is also a thief.

Satan seeks to destroy us by robbing us of the good life God originally gave Adam and Eve—the life Christ came to restore to humanity. A key way he tries to destroy us is by convincing us that money and possessions are the source of an abundant life. 

If you assume you’ll never be burglarized, you’ll leave your windows open and your cash lying on the dresser. Jesus knew our tendency to live in denial about the dangers of money-love, which is why He sounded this alarm: “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed” (Luke 12:15, NIV). If we value the good life Jesus came to give us, we’ll clasp it closely when Satan and his minions try to lay their hands on it. As 1 Timothy 6:19 commands us, we’ll “take hold of that which is truly life.”

The devil might not be able to deceive us into believing outright that nothing’s more important than money and possessions. Instead, he might draw us to a catalog that shows us all those possessions we “really need.” We might say no to Internet sites offering sexual temptation, only to succumb to websites where we indulge an unfiltered lust for things. We might buy dozens of utterly unnecessary things during Black Friday sales, which ironically mark the beginning of a holiday season that culminates in the birth of the One who told us that we need to be on our watch against greed and that life isn’t about the things we possess (Luke 12:15).

Satan has numerous allies in his campaign to make us believe the lies of materialism. Advertising exists to sell us the “goods” that supposedly give us the good life. Fortunately for advertisers, no products exist that actually deliver on that promise, so we keep right on buying more things, hoping this time they'll deliver. But they never will.

Let’s Not Buy Ourselves to Death

Attempting to experience the abundant life Jesus spoke of while burying ourselves in material abundance isn’t just difficult; it’s impossible. That’s not because material things are inherently bad. It’s because accumulated stuff suffocates us, crushes us, and blocks us from Jesus.

In moderate quantities, certain possessions might draw our attention to him as our provider. For instance, when I buy a good book or my wife gives me a thermal mug, I am truly grateful to God. Other possessions, such as clothes I will never wear or the third version of a gadget I already own and don’t use, do nothing for me or God’s Kingdom. If it’s something that will sap hours of my time, it may even draw my attention away from God and his Word.

Many things may be neutral or even fun, but it’s too easy to end up trusting our stuff instead of our Savior.

In some circles, the abundant life has been confused with material wealth. Prosperity theology says that God’s plan is always for us to be wealthy—and to spend our money primarily on ourselves. Jesus, who didn’t even have a place to lay His head and who owned nothing but a robe and sandals (Matthew 8:20), clearly didn’t live a money- and possessions-centered life. Surely that’s not what He wants for us either.

Jesus told the church in Laodicea, “You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked” (Revelation 3:17, NIV). What had buried these Christians’ sense of spiritual poverty? Their material abundance. It tricked them into believing they were living the abundant life when in reality they were sabotaging it.

Jesus promises, “Whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:14, NIV). The abundant life isn’t measured in gold or material goods. It’s rooted in the precious fact that our Creator and Redeemer himself indwells us, imparting His delight-giving presence to us. He says the very reason he came is to give us “a rich and satisfying life” (John 10:10, NLT) or “life to the full, till it overflows” (AMP).

Abundant Life Begins Today

Jesus doesn’t make us wait until we die to start living the abundant life. The abundant life begins now! So if you’re a Christian and you’re searching for the good life, you don’t have to go far to find it. Look no further than Jesus. Know Him, delight in Him, serve Him, learn from His people, and do what He says. (Of course, you must study His Word to do this.) There’s no life better than that.

Jesus Himself is the entrance to an Eden of the heart—the ultimate refuge for refugees, and the home for every homeless and heartsick person in this world, whether they live in poverty or wealth.

God didn’t send a spokesperson, a prophet, or an angel to give us life, protection, provision, safety, and guidance. He sent His Son—His very best. He’s the only Savior, and He freely offers all of Himself to us.

When I was a young Christian, some sincere believers tried to convince me that I should seek a life in which miraculous events were the norm. After a year spent searching for more, I recall reading the promise that God has “blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 1:3). I also read, “[God’s] divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness” (2 Peter 1:3).

That’s when I asked myself, What more do I need than what God has already given me? I realized that Jesus, along with the power of God’s indwelling Spirit (Romans 8:11), was enough for me to enjoy abundant life.

The same is true for all of us who know Christ. We simply need to enter into and enjoy the abundant life Jesus promises.

Abundance Naturally Overflows

Jesus said, “The one who believes in me, as the Scripture has said, will have streams of living water flow from deep within him” (John 7:38, CSB). There’s an unmistakable sign of an overflowing, abundant life that comes from knowing Jesus, the author of life: generosity to others.

An old but helpful illustration applies to the abundant, generous life. In northern Israel lies the beautiful Sea of Galilee, where Jesus often sailed with his disciples. Water freely flows into the Sea of Galilee from the Jordan River, and its water is fresh and life giving.

Eighty-eight miles to the south is a larger and radically different body of water. One of the lowest places on the planet, the Dead Sea collects large volumes of water but disperses none. Its salt concentration is so high—ten times greater than ocean water—that no fish or vegetation can survive there.

While the Jordan River flows into the Sea of Galilee, it also flows out. The water simply passes through, allowing it to support fish life and plants. Trapped, with no outlet, the Dead Sea keeps taking water in, but no water leaves it except by evaporation. No outlet means no life.

This is a good parable of the Christian life in general—and an even better parable of the generous life in particular. In order to be faithful stewards and to love others, we must be not only recipients of God’s provision but also outlets of it. Only then will we experience the true and abundant life He intends for us.

Such a dramatic overflow can have an amazing effect even on those who are hostile to the Christian faith. My friend pastors a church that rents a public school auditorium on Sundays. When a new principal arrived, he showed hostility toward Christians and urged the pastor to find another place to meet.

But over the next few years, something happened. The principal discovered that church members cheerfully give time and money for the sake of the school—a practice that was in place before he came. They schedule cleanup days. They serve teachers meals during parent-teacher conferences. They give teachers gift cards each year. They do this not simply to win favor but because Christ’s love and kindness overflow from their lives.

The pastor of the church told me, “Three years later, this principal is no longer an antagonist; he’s our advocate. Our works of service have softened his heart toward the Lord.”

The cause for this astonishing turnaround? It was simply Christians living the good life, which always entails good deeds of generosity. Jesus put it this way: “Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:16, NIV).

Generosity Is Contagious

The more we give in Christ’s name, the more life he will put into us. And the more life we have flowing into us, the more that life will flow out of us to others. “Give, and it will be given to you,” Jesus said. “A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap” (Luke 6:38, NIV).

By giving generously of our money and possessions, we’re able to open our hands to receive the abundant life God has for us. God is the greatest giver in the universe, and it’s impossible to outgive Him. This is not prosperity theology. It is simply the way our generous God delights to work in the lives of His children.

Out of a deep love for Jesus, Pete and Debbie Ochs decided to acquire a business constructing industrial products in prisons. They employ inmates, some of whom have committed violent crimes. They invest in these prisoners’ lives by offering life lessons on topics like parenting, finances, and relationships. Pete says, “In one of our life lessons, we presented this whole concept of generosity and challenged [the prisoners] that we would match dollar for dollar any dollar that they gave to one of a number of charities and we gave them a list. It was amazing the amount of money that these prisoners gave to charity. . . . Most of the charities . . . existed to help the victims of the crimes that they committed.”

Pete and Debbie’s overflowing good life has not only brought these men the gospel but has also introduced them to the overflow of joyful giving so they, too, can experience abundant life.

The good life in Christ is not only wonderful for those who live it; it is also a joy for those who behold it. Generosity is just as contagious as materialism. However, it brings life instead of death.

Excerpted from Giving Is the Good Life: The Unexpected Path to Purpose and Joy.

Photo by Nathan Anderson on Unsplash

Dads, Your Children Need Both Quality and Quantity Time with You

When our children were small, I was reading them a Bible story and an “important” phone call came from someone in the church. In fact, the call could have waited until the next day. So which was more important, taking that call, or finishing the story and praying with my children? I realized my error. From that day I determined I would never be pulled away from Bible story and prayer time with my children by anything less than a true emergency.

Sometimes the idea of “quality time” is a way of justifying not spending quantity time with children. Dads (and much of this applies to moms too), if you’re already spending lots of time with your kids, by all means focus on quality. But if you’re not spending enough time with your kids, or constantly being pulled away by distractions, don’t try to compensate by making your meager time “quality.” It will be unnatural to land at home just long enough to drop your “pearls of wisdom” before taking off again.

We don’t just need more face-to-face time with our wife and children; we need shoulder-to-shoulder time when we are focused on things like work, play, or ministry. Going to visit the sick and needy makes a great impression on children and cultivates a ministry mindset. Seeing poverty and sickness widens their world and enlarges their hearts. It also fosters a spirit of personal gratitude for what they have, rather than the more prevalent spirit of entitlement that poisons our culture.

One of the most spiritually impactful things we did with our children, when they were nine and seven, was take them on a two-month trip to six countries, where we visited missionaries. Twenty-three years later, we still talk about that trip.

What were the long-term results of that mission trip? The quantity and quality time we spent together prompted us to discuss world needs and where to send the money God entrusted to us, some to of the very places we visited. Even today that quality time bears fruit, as I periodically ask our daughters and their families to help decide where to distribute the royalties from my books. As our grandchildren get older, we plan to involve them in distributing the royalties. I’m not sure any of that would have come about if we hadn’t made the bold decision to uproot ourselves and go overseas with our children for that life-changing two months.

One clarification: Some dads might feel guilty because they work hard to support their families and can’t be at home with their kids as much as they might like. Working hard and making money to care for your family is a great and biblical thing. I did it, and I’m glad to hear about dads who do it too. I also spent a lot of time with my kids.

But when I’m talking about the need for dads to spend more quantity time with their kids, I’m addressing dads who do not spend plenty of time with their kids (and many don’t) because they are always gone working—or golfing or watching TV or looking at their phones or whatever (and of course the point isn’t that work, golf, TV, and phones in and of themselves are wrong).

Dads, while fulfilling the biblical mandate to provide for their children, should also make sure they’re not away from home so much (or so passively detached from them while at home) that they neglect a calling even higher than the workplace—being there to invest their lives in their children. (Of course, there is no guaranteed formula or outcome, and godly fathers can have rebellious children.)

Fathering and vocation require a difficult balance, in which we must call upon the Lord for wisdom and strength, but we are commanded to do it nonetheless: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). We must be with them a substantial amount of time in order to “bring them up.” This helps them not to resent us, as they will if we’re with them only to correct them.

So dads, there’s a biblical mandate to raise your kids and invest time in them to do so. And there’s a biblical mandate to work hard to provide for your family. Just make sure that your work commitments don’t overshadow your need to be there for your kids. And remember that making enough money to provide for your children’s needs is not the same as providing for all their wants. There is no substitute for time spent with your children, and no substitute for your undivided attention.

More than anything, what they need is the Lord, and to be drawn to their heavenly Father. But it will help them immensely to have a loving, holy, and heavenly-minded earthly father, who is full of grace and truth.

For more on being a dad, see Randy's novel Courageous and the book The Resolution for Men.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash