Randy Alcorn's Blog

Prayer Is Vital in the Battle for Purity

Jesus taught His disciples to “always pray and not give up” (Luke 18:1).

We are often brought to our knees after losing a battle. But we need to fall to our knees before the battle begins.

Too often we declare a truce with sin. We tolerate unrighteousness and let it claim more territory in our lives and in our homes.

Jesus says, “Don’t give up! Pray for God’s help.” Some readers will be suspicious of this because they’ve heard “Just read the Bible and pray, and that will solve everything.” No, it won’t solve everything, but nothing will be solved without it. Jesus knew what He was talking about. So did James.

“Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (James 4:7).

Would God tell you to abstain from impurity if that were impossible?

Many men have been defeated so long they think victory is impossible. They’ve given up. That guarantees they’ll go right on losing. But God calls us and empowers us to be overcomers (see Revelation 3:5)—those who experience victory over sin.

An overcoming friend told me, “People never change until it hurts them less to change than to stay the same.” Many Christian men—most of whom had to become desperate first—are in sexual-addiction recovery groups that have been great instruments of change in their lives. Tens of thousands of people are living proof that victory over sexual temptation is possible. And frankly, we need to hear their stories in our churches, to glorify God and bring this message of hope.

Likewise, many non-Christian men have achieved significant freedom through the secular program Sexaholics Anonymous, which uses the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. If men without Christ have made such radical changes (by affirming many biblical principles, certainly), how dare we imagine that the Spirit of God cannot do far more in believers He indwells and empowers?

If someone put a gun to your head and said he would pull the trigger if you looked at pornography, would you do it? No? Then you don’t have to. You just keep putting yourself and your eyes in the wrong place. This is where you must learn to correct your wrong thinking with God’s truth, saying no to your impulses and cultivating new ones.

You can turn it off, walk out, shut your eyes. You don’t have to click on that link. You don’t have to fondle that person or allow him or her to fondle you. There’s an alternative.

Draw upon your supernatural resources (see 2 Peter 1:3–4).

“For the grace of God that brings salvation... teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age” (Titus 2:11–12).

This is all about the great themes of Scripture: redemption and grace. Our sexual struggles should remind us of our need for grace and empowerment—and make us long for our ultimate redemption (see Romans 7:7–25).

If a lifetime of purity seems inconceivable to you, commit yourself in twenty-four-hour increments. Do you want freedom from the actions and obsessions of lust? Get help. Be wise. Avoid temptation. Go to Christ. Experience His sufficiency. Draw on His power.

And when the first twenty-four hours are over, and you’ve tasted of the Lord and seen He is good (see Psalm 34:8), commit to the next twenty-four hours. Depend on Him one day at a time.

Never underestimate Christ. Sin is not more powerful than God. Don’t imagine there can’t be victory until we get to Heaven. God says otherwise. We’re not to wait for victory. We’re to live in it (see 1 John 5:4).

Recommended Reading Sexual Temptation Booklet The Purity Principle

How Perspective Affects Our Happiness

Happiness researchers have found that circumstances can contribute about 10 percent to our happiness—a remarkably small percentage. Next comes our internal makeup, including genetic factors and temperament, which can account for 50 percent of our happiness level. The final 40 percent is entirely within our control: our choices, behaviors, and thoughts. Yes, we can control our thoughts. They’re not foreign invaders against which we have no defense. Those who believe they can’t help the way they think and feel are simply wrong.

Why are some people happier than those in far better circumstances? The answer is perspective.

Our perceptions—much more than our circumstances—are the building blocks with which we construct our lives. No matter what the circumstances and stress, our view of life determines our level of joy and contentment. Having a biblical perspective is seeing life as God sees it. It is the ability to get past the immediate circumstances to see God’s ultimate plan.

We’re commanded in Scripture, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind” (Romans 12:2). This change in thinking is our responsibility.

Our thought life is a choice. Martin Luther is credited with saying, “You can’t stop the birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from making a nest in your hair.” What we choose to think about leads us either toward or away from Christ, and therefore toward or away from happiness in Christ.

None of the three sets of factors identified by happiness researchers takes into account the power of God’s Word and the transforming work of the Holy Spirit indwelling God’s children. God is sovereign over circumstances, genetics, background, and temperaments. So even the 60 percent of happiness factors we can’t change are used by God to accomplish His purpose. And the 40 percent under our control are subject to the Holy Spirit’s influence.

Sometimes small, easy choices bring happiness—flipping through a photo album, petting a dog or cat, reading an inspirational book, baking cookies, or playing a game with those you love. At other times, life involves such sadness and stress that we must go through multiple steps and the passing of time before joy can emerge.

David began a psalm with these words: “Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing; heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled. . . . I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears” (Psalm 6:2, 6). Near the end of the psalm, he says, “The Lord has heard the sound of my weeping. The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord accepts my prayer” (verses 8-9). This realization lays the groundwork for moving David toward the kind of powerful joy that is so evident in other psalms.

Recommended Reading Does God Want Us to Be Happy? God's Promise of Happiness Happiness (softcover)

Being with God Is the Heart and Soul of Heaven

The 1998 movie What Dreams May Come portrays Heaven as beautiful but lonely, because a man’s wife isn’t there. Remarkably, someone else is entirely absent from the movie’s depiction of Heaven: God.

That movie’s viewpoint mirrors numerous contemporary approaches to Heaven which either leave God out or put Him in a secondary role.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven, a best-selling novel by Mitch Albom, portrays a man who feels lonely and unimportant. He dies, goes to Heaven, and meets five people who tell him his life really mattered. He discovers forgiveness and acceptance, all without God and without Christ as the object of saving faith.

Five People portrays a Heaven that isn’t about God and our relationship with Him, but only about human beings and our relationships with each other. A Heaven where humanity is the cosmic center, and God plays a supporting role. The Bible knows nothing of this pseudo-Heaven.

Numerous people claim to have gone to Heaven and seen loved ones and also Jesus, yet almost never do they react as the “beloved disciple,” the apostle John, did: “When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead” (Revelation 1:17).

Surely no one who had actually been in Heaven would neglect to mention what Scripture shows is its main focus. If you had spent an evening dining with a king, you wouldn’t just talk about the place settings! When John was shown Heaven and wrote about it, he recorded the details—but first and foremost, from beginning to end, he kept talking about Jesus, the Lion and the Lamb, with infinite gravitas and beauty.

A Honeymoon without a Groom?

Jesus promised His disciples, “I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am” (John 14:3). For Christians, to die is to “be present with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:8, NKJV). The apostle Paul says, “I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far” (Philippians 1:23). He could have said, “I desire to depart and be in Heaven,” but he didn’t—his mind was on being with Jesus.

Heaven without God would be like a honeymoon without a groom or a palace without a king. Teresa of Avila said, “Wherever God is, there is Heaven.” The corollary: Wherever God is not, there is Hell.

The presence of God is the essence of Heaven. John Milton put it, “Thy presence makes our Paradise, and where Thou art is Heaven.” Heaven will be a physical extension of God’s goodness.

Samuel Rutherford said, “O my Lord Jesus Christ, if I could be in heaven without thee, it would be a hell; and if I could be in hell, and have thee still, it would be a heaven to me, for thou art all the heaven I want.” To be with God—to know Him, to see Him—is the central, irreducible draw of Heaven.

Heaven’s Greatest Miracle

The best part of Heaven on the New Earth will be enjoying God’s presence. He’ll actually dwell among us (Revelation 21:3-4). Just as the Holy of Holies contained the dazzling presence of God in ancient Israel, so will the New Jerusalem contain His presence. The New Earth’s greatest miracle will be our continual, unimpeded access to the God of everlasting splendor and perpetual delight.

What is the essence of eternal life? “That they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent” (John 17:3). The best part of Heaven will be knowing and enjoying God.

Sam Storms writes, “We will constantly be more amazed with God, more in love with God, and thus ever more relishing his presence and our relationship with him. Our experience of God will never reach its consummation.  …It will deepen and develop, intensify and amplify, unfold and increase, broaden and balloon.”

The Reservoir that Will Never Run Dry

Because He is beautiful beyond measure, if we knew nothing more than that Heaven was God’s dwelling place, it would be more than enough to make us long to be there.

Of course we will enjoy all the secondary gifts God gives us, but they will be derivative of God Himself, and our happiness in them will be happiness in Him. Jonathan Edwards said, “The redeemed will indeed enjoy other things…but that which they shall enjoy in the angels, or each other, or in anything else whatsoever, that will yield them delight and happiness, will be what will be seen of God in them.”

“They feast on the abundance of your house; you give them drink from your river of delights. For with you is the fountain of life” (Psalm 36:8-9). This passage portrays the joy that God’s creatures find in feasting on Heaven’s abundance, and drinking deeply of His delights. Notice that this river of delights flows from and is completely dependent on its source: God. He alone is the fountain of life, and without Him there could be neither life nor abundance and delights.

The Ultimate Wonder

We may imagine we want a thousand different things, but God is the one we really long for. “O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water” (Psalm 63:1). God’s presence brings satisfaction; His absence brings thirst and longing.

Our longing for Heaven is a longing for God—a longing that involves not only our inner beings, but also our bodies. Being with God is the heart and soul of Heaven. Every other heavenly pleasure will derive from and be secondary to His presence.

All our explorations and adventures and projects in the eternal Heaven—and I believe there will be many—will pale in comparison to the wonder of being with God and entering into His happiness. Yet everything else we do will help us to know and worship God better.

God’s greatest gift to us is now, and always will be, nothing less than Himself.

Recommended Reading 50 Days of Heaven (Special Edition) Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Heaven Heaven

Five Truths about Image vs. Character

The more famous someone becomes, the harder it is to cultivate and retain virtue. The bigger your image, the more it tends to eclipse your character. In today’s social media world, instead of building character, many people just build image.

A celebrity is known for what he does in one area of life, while God looks at who we are in all areas of our lives. The most important part of our lives is the part that only God sees (1 Samuel 16:7; 1 Peter 3:3-4).

How many people do we admire from a distance, but when we see them up close we lose respect for them? Others you don’t admire until you get to know them and then they gain your respect. A great goal is that as people know us better, they would respect us more, not less.

Here are five principles about image and character:

1. Image and character are two very different things.

Image is what you are in public, when you have an audience. Character is what you are in the dark, when no one but God is looking. He is never fooled. We can’t con Him.

What are the traits it takes to get and stay famous? In many cases the answer includes a mammoth ego, self-absorption, and an impassioned craving for public approval. The very traits that compel someone to pursue fame and social approval both reflect and produce a private inner life lacking in substance and integrity.

Anyone can look good in front of an audience, or even in front of their friends. It’s an entirely different thing to stand naked before God, to be known as you truly are on the inside. “Do not consider his appearance or his height . . . The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).

On judgment day, I won’t stand before literary critics or book-lovers, and you won’t stand before your critics or greatest fans. We’ll all stand before the Audience of One. And in that day it will be His assessment of our lives, and no one else’s, that will matter.

2. A hero and a celebrity are not synonymous.

Fame is one thing. Virtue is another. The two aren’t even remotely related. In fact, the more famous you become, the harder it is to cultivate and retain virtue. Being a hero is something entirely different than being a celebrity. Celebrities are just people with good looks, talent, money, and the ability to draw attention to themselves. Heroes are people who stand courageously for what is right, often against the tide of public opinion, and at great cost to themselves. (It takes a lot more sacrifice to be a hero than to be a celebrity!)

Many public figures have proven long on image and short on character, just as many faithful servants of God have been short on image and long on character. When you and I stand before God and give an account of our lives, the ability to run with a football or manage a company or write an article will mean nothing. Our dependence on Christ to cleanse us of our sins and empower us to a new way of living will mean everything.

3. There’s a world of difference between a self-made man or woman, and a God-made man or woman.

We value those who are independent. God values the person who is dependent on Him. We value those who march to their own beat. God values those who march to His beat. We value a man who is his own authority, who makes up the rules as he goes. God values a man who submits, who follows those unbending ancient rules made by Another. We value those who believe in themselves, who make themselves great. God values those who believe in Him, recognizing He alone is truly great.

4. High self-esteem isn’t the same as accurate self-esteem.

People often say, “I can’t believe that [insert name of a person in the news] is capable of such evil.” Of course he is. So are you. So am I. We’ve fallen for the old lie, propagated by secular humanism and modern psychology, that mankind is basically good. But we’re terribly arrogant and naive to believe this. Read Romans 1-3 and see what God says about the human condition. Look at human history. Look around you. We’re all capable of horrendous evil. The man who thinks he is incapable of adultery and crimes of hatred and passion is not on guard against them, and does not call upon Christ to save him from them.

Years ago I read a fascinating and chilling book by Robert Lifton titled The Nazi Doctors. As a psychologist interviewing former Nazi doctors and their surviving victims, he hoped to discover what made these “monsters” tick. What he discovered was much more frightening—the fact that these were in fact quite ordinary men who, given the opportunity, did horribly evil things. As long as we consider the Nazis monsters, we can separate ourselves from them. It’s only when we realize that we ourselves are of the same stock that we can come to terms with our capacity for evil and our desperate need for Jesus.

Proper self-esteem is stated in Romans 12:3: “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment.” Sober judgment means accurate judgment. Correct self-image is seeing ourselves as God sees us. He created us, so we have purpose. He loves us, so we have value. But we are sinners, bent on evil (Romans 3). Our nature as sinners separates us from God. If we embrace the atoning sacrifice of Jesus on our behalf, we become new creatures in Christ and are covered with his righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:17,21). As such, a correct self-esteem for the Christian means seeing ourselves as we are, forgiven and made holy by the merit of Christ.

5. Learn to distinguish Hollywood values from the values that really matter.

First John 2:15-17 warns us to “not love the world” by becoming attached to its unrighteous values and temptations, which lead to spiritual compromise, decay, and idolatry. “Worldliness” often involves love for “worldly wisdom” that comes from pride and rebellion against God (1 Corinthians 1:20-21, Colossians 2:8). James 4:4 tells us “friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God.”

Rather than subtly adopt the world’s values, may God’s people commit themselves to being faithful in their homes and churches and communities and society. Small acts of daily faithfulness to Jesus don’t make the news. But they matter much more than what does. Scripture says “Whatever we do, we should do it for the Lord and not men. Whatever we do, we should do it all to the glory of God.” He’s the king—we’re the servants. We are all called to be servants. God says, “It is required of a steward that he be found faithful.”

Commitment to Christ will give our children, our churches, and our society an example to follow unmatched by that of any celebrity. A life enthusiastically applauded in the final day by the only audience that ultimately matters . . . the Audience of One.

Recommended Reading Face to Face with Jesus

Remembering Jerry Hardin, My Best Friend When I Was a Kid

Today is the 33rd anniversary of the death of my childhood best friend, Jerry. In God’s providence, earlier this summer I ran across my 2007 blog about him. I’m reposting it in honor of my friend, and in the hope that readers will find this tribute to friendship to be encouraging. 

I was just finishing up a different blog when Carol Hardin called and reminded us that today, October 8, is the 15th anniversary of Jerry’s death.

Jerry and I were best friends in grade school and high school. I wrote about him in my book In Light of Eternity. I gave him a whole chapter.

Here are Jerry and I in our early twenties. I’m the one who looks much more like the individual in the middle. Jerry is the one who looks civilized. I looked like a pot head, but instead of smoking dope I read the Bible. Jerry and I used to have a blast together. Different personalities, but we loved each other.

Today Nanci pulled out a few old pictures of Jer, and then Carol kindly dropped some others by. I scanned a couple of them below. As you can see the common theme is my long hair and sideburns. But note that I was starting to pull Jerry away from his clean cut look by the time we were in Bill Moon’s wedding in 1974.

Today is also the anniversary of the home-going (home-coming when viewed from the other side) of Lucille Vivian Alcorn, my mother. (I shared more about Mom in my last blog.)  Mom fixed up a lot of snacks for Jerry and me. He loved Mom, too. You couldn’t help but love her. I’m sure the two of them have spent some rich time together in God’s place.

Okay, here’s an excerpt from the beginning of chapter eleven of In Light of Eternity:

In 1965, as sixth graders, Jerry and I became best friends. We spent our “wonder years” together. Side by side we patrolled our turf, a few rural Oregon miles of rolling hills, open fields, and sporadic houses. Today, more than thirty years later [still true in 2007, forty years later], I ride my bike over the same ground. Every corner, every driveway, every house and field triggers memories of a time in my life inseparable from Jerry.

Out in those fields, hidden from the rest of the world, he and I engaged enemy soldiers, hunted wild animals, dug up treasures, and encountered aliens. Sometimes I still walk around our little grade school where we spent so much time shooting baskets, throwing footballs, playing catch, and riding our bikes. Then on Friday nights we got civilized, spiffied up and went to junior high parties together, reeking of Jade East and Brut, intended to make us irresistible to the girls. (They never fell under our spell.)

Every summer we’d go together to the County Fair, proving our emerging manhood by proudly enduring all the scariest rides. We’d eat corn dogs and cotton candy till we were sick. We threw dimes and won goldfish and carnival glass and stuffed animals, first for our moms, then our girlfriends. One summer, imagining we were cool (trust me, it required a lot of imagination), we wore those stupid Nehru shirts with the high collars, the ones that were in fashion maybe two weeks.

Most Saturdays we went to the Hood Theater, watching matinees now relegated to the oldies section in video stores. Some of the titles still make me think of the guy who shared those giant tubs of popcorn with me as we watched and snickered and exchanged inane comments. I’ve taken my own teenagers to that same theater, virtually unchanged. The same Ju-ju-bees and Good-and-Plenty Jerry and I dropped are still stuck to the floor right where we left them. Certain seats in the balcony still trigger the time warp that takes me back to those years so closely linked to Jerry.

Favorite places. Unforgettable adventures. On display in my mind is an endless collage of games, journeys, field trips, concerts, awards assemblies, and countless little vignettes containing Jerry. Like the eighth grade musical where Jerry had the lead and I shared the final scene with him. At the climactic moment he ran to the big heavy hanging microphone where he was to burst into song. But he’d miscalculated and couldn’t stop in time. He smashed his head on the mike, causing it to swing back and forth like Tarzan’s grape vine. All the horrified parents and family in the audience didn’t deter me from laughing nonstop for twenty minutes. Memorable mishaps like that, accumulated over the years of childhood and adolescence, are the bricks and mortar of a unique sort of friendship, the kind those who first meet as adults can’t know. Best friends aren’t always your oldest ones, but there can never be any friends like early ones.

I remember Jerry and I picking (and throwing) berries at dawn on summer mornings, then spending our afternoons swimming and listening to the Beach Boys and Simon and Garfunkel, switching channels on our squawky eight-transistor radios and reading comic books starring Superman and Batman, who epitomized male strength and heroism. We’d talk about cute girls and adventures and exploits, and what we’d do when we grew up. We’d haul out our sleeping bags and camp out under the stars in my back yard, with Champ, my golden retriever. We’d look through my telescope at Jupiter’s moons and Saturn’s rings and the great galaxy of Andromeda and wonder what life was all about. (In those days we didn’t know.)

Well, the story goes on. You’re welcome to go to our website and read the rest if you want to.

Two months before he died, elders from Good Shepherd Church and a few others, including my friend Larry Gadbaugh, Jerry’s brother-in-law, came to Carol and Jerry’s house and anointed him with oil and prayed God would heal him. It was a powerful time. Jerry said, “I’m not afraid to die. If God does not choose to heal me, I’ll be happy to go be with Jesus in Heaven.”

This picture is of Jerry, two weeks before Heaven, cancer working him over, yet God sustaining him. On October 8, 1992, I had the unforgettable privilege of being with my friend when he left this world. It’s as vivid to me now as it was fifteen years ago. I will never forget that day, and those final amazing moments. (It’s in the story linked to above.)

Jerry loved Jesus. And he loved Carol his wife, Bryan his son, and Natalie his daughter. He left behind a huge space.

Earlier tonight I called my daughters Karina and Angela, and told them it was the 15th anniversary of Jerry’s death, and the 26th anniversary of their grandmother’s death. I told them I knew she was proud of them, and that I am too. I told them I loved them. And that we never know when we’ll see each other on this present earth for the last time, but it’s so great to know we’ll be together in a far better world, eventually on the New Earth. I had two great conversations with my daughters. I didn’t plan on it, but I cried with both of them, and they cried too. Good tears.

Nanci’s my closest friend, and she and I expressed our love for each other tonight. Then I called and left a message for Steve Keels, my best buddy in my adult years. It’s good to stay current with the people you love. If I died right now, I’d have no regrets.

So call your family and close friends. Or drop by. Or send them an email. Tell them you love them.

Or, if they’ve gone to the party ahead of you, ask Jesus to give them a hug from you. Ask Him to tell them you’re looking forward to the great reunion…thanks to Him and what He did for us.

If you do, I bet He’ll greet them for you. It would be just like Him.

Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?

Recommended Reading Grieving with Hope In Light of Eternity The Promise of the New Earth

Remembering My Mom, 44 Years after She Went to Be with Jesus

This season has involved a lot of remembrance for me: I shared about my dear friend John Kohlenberger recently, who died 10 years ago. This Wednesday, October 8, is the 44th anniversary of the death of my precious mother, Lucille Vivian Tovrea Alcorn. Hardly a day goes by where I don’t think of her and thank God for her. (October 8 is also the 33rd anniversary of my friend Jerry’s death; I’ll share about him in my next blog.)

The picture above is of Mom from the Dalles High School yearbook. An old friend of my mom’s dropped it by my house years ago.

This is a repost of a tribute to my mom I shared in 2009:

I want to share a video about my precious mother, Lucille Alcorn.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YVAev6hK7w

This year in October (2009) it will be twenty-eight years since my mom died of cancer. Our Angela was only four months old then, so while Mom held Angie and fawned over her and loved her dearly, Angie wasn't old enough yet to understand what had happened. I think how wonderful it will be one day for Angie and her grandmother to get to know each other.

The night Mom died, both Nanci and I wrote letters to our oldest daughter Karina, who was then two-and-a-half and who loved my Mom and connected with her in a way that defies words. (She spent every Monday with Mom at her place, the house I grew up in, and it was the highlight of Karina's week; Mom would read to her Bible stories and kids books and play with her hour after hour, with complete delight.)

Here's what I wrote:

My dearest Karina,

I’ve just read your mother’s letter to you about Grandma Alcorn. It’s now 3:30 a.m., a funny time to be writing you. But I’ve been home from Grandpa’s just a little while.

As soon as I came home, about 3:00, I went right to your bedroom to wake you up. I thought you should know Grandma had died. You were so tired, and your eyes kept rolling back as I sat you up in my lap. Finally I knew you were awake, and I asked you, “Karina, do you know where Grandma Alcorn is right now?”

I was sure the answer would be “no.” Or maybe you’d say “in bed” since Grandma has been on her sickbed several months. But immediately, without any hesitation, you smiled and said, “Yes, Daddy—she’s in Heaven.”

A wave of electricity went through me. You knew with absolute certainty. There wasn’t a hesitation or a doubt. Maybe Jesus whispered it to you in your sleep. Perhaps He let Grandma send a special message to you from Heaven. But in any case, you knew exactly where Grandma was.

For several minutes I hugged you tight on your bed, and cried very hard. Everything your mom said in her letter about Grandma was true. You always had the most special times when you were with her.

I, too, ache because you had so little time together. Yet I marvel at how close you were in that time. If Grandma sees you as you grow up (I suspect the Lord will let her), she will be so proud. More than anything she would want you to love Jesus with all your heart, and to serve Him always.

Karina, you are God’s gift to me. I love you and your baby sister more than any father has ever loved his daughters. I pray that you and Angela will grow up to be as wonderful as your mom and your grandma.

As I write these things, tears are flowing down my face. How thankful I am to our loving God for giving me such a special family.

I love you, sweetheart.

Daddy

I’ll never forget the smile on Karina’s face at 3:00 a.m. that dark night when I woke her up to give her what you’d think would have been devastating news. But Karina immediately and accurately grasped something few people do—that she had every reason to be happy for her grandmother. She was not smiling because she didn’t understand. She was smiling precisely because she did understand.

She knew her grandmother was with the Person she was made for in the place she was made for. Karina literally believed—not just in her head but in her heart—everything we’d told her about Heaven.

Though she would miss her grandmother greatly, she understood that this wasn’t the end of their relationship, but only an interruption. She knew her grandmother was in Heaven, and that she would one day join her there.

Thank you for everything, Mom. I can't imagine having had a better Mom than you. I so look forward to seeing you again in that place where our gracious God will wipe away the tears from every eye.

Also see my post Grieving the Death of Your Mom, with Hope, for more memories I share and also a video from GriefShare about remembering and grieving moms.

Recommended Reading Grieving with Hope In Light of Eternity

How Do We Develop a True Love for Christ?

Spurgeon wrote in his classic Morning and Evening devotional: 

Many can only say of Jesus that they hope they love him; they trust they love him; but only a poor and shallow experience will be content to stay here. No one ought to give any rest to his spirit till he feels quite sure about a matter of such vital importance. We ought not to be satisfied with a superficial hope that Jesus loves us, and with a bare trust that we love him.

The old saints did not generally speak with “buts,” and “ifs,” and “hopes,” and “trusts,” but they spoke positively and plainly. “I know whom I have believed,” saith Paul. “I know that my Redeemer liveth,” saith Job.

Get positive knowledge of your love of Jesus, and be not satisfied till you can speak of your interest in him as a reality, which you have made sure by having received the witness of the Holy Spirit, and his seal upon your soul by faith.

True love to Christ is in every case the Holy Spirit’s work, and must be wrought in the heart by him. He is the efficient cause of it; but the logical reason why we love Jesus lies in himself.

Why do we love Jesus? Because he first loved us.

Why do we love Jesus? Because he “gave himself for us.” We have life through his death; we have peace through his blood. Though he was rich, yet for our sakes he became poor. 

Why do we love Jesus? Because of the excellency of his person.

We are filled with a sense of his beauty! An admiration of his charms! A consciousness of his infinite perfection! His greatness, goodness, and loveliness, in one resplendent ray, combine to enchant the soul till it is so ravished that it exclaims, “Yea, he is altogether lovely” (Song 5:16) 

( September 3 morning entry )

Spurgeon also said, “I had rather be blind and deaf and dumb, and lose my taste and smell, than not love Christ. To be unable to appreciate him is the worst of disabilities, the most serious of calamities. It is not the loss of a single spiritual faculty, but it proves the death of the soul.”

Biblical Christianity is not simply a religion about Christ but a relationship with Christ. So how can we grow that relationship so that our love for Him increases? Spurgeon rightly observes that “True love to Christ is in every case the Holy Spirit’s work.” Yet we are also to put in the effort in partnership with the Spirit. Scripture says, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you” (James 4:8). That puts the ball in our court and shows us there are some things we can do:

Set aside time every day to spend with the Lord—reading His Word, praying, listening to Him.
Read books that draw on the power of Scripture. Feed your heart and your mind.
Listen to sermons, worship music, and Scripture as you go about your day-to-day activities such as driving or doing the dishes.
Fellowship with other Christians within the church, the body of Christ.
Turn off the distractions in your life, whether that’s social media, the internet, television, etc.

In order to have a close relationship with anyone, first and foremost, you must spend time with them. Over the years of our marriage, in order to have a close relationship with Nanci—which I desired to have—I needed to spend time with her. The same thing is true with our children. When we were raising our girls, how did I show my love for them? I spent time with them! And I don’t regret a single moment spent with them. Could I have written more books if I hadn’t spent time with them? Of course! Would those books have been worth it in God’s sight or in mine? Of course not! And now with our grandchildren, there’s simply no substitute for spending time with them. That’s how you get to know them and draw close to them. (If they are at a distance, show your love by texting or calling or visiting them!)

Your relationship with Jesus will only grow as you spend time with Him—not only as you talk to God, but also as you listen to Him. The Lord promises His word will not return to Him empty without accomplishing the purpose for which He sent it. He will accomplish that purpose in your life. Open up your life and your heart to the Word of God and He will draw you to Himself (James 4:8). Think of Christ as your mentor and your best friend, as well as your Savior and Lord.

“Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory” (1 Peter 1:8).

Recommended Reading Face to Face with Jesus Happiness (softcover) It's All About Jesus

Finding Yourself Is Not the Solution to Life’s Problems

“Find yourself” is common advice. But in the end, people who follow it find only ugliness, brokenness, and unhappiness. They pursue dreams, and find nightmares.

I don’t need to find myself. I do need to go to God’s Word. It will act as a mirror to show me my true reflection, one very different than what I would like to see. Scripture tells me that I’m a sinner, and that sin brings death. Sin, the original killer of happiness, is not my solution; it’s my problem. Eden was paradise, but sin ended paradise. What it didn’t destroy was the deep-seated awareness that we were made for the happiness only God can give.

The sinful self is destined to be an unhappy self. The miserable man searching for happiness needs to see his true condition—he is a sinful man desperate to be transformed. The quest to be himself is a false quest. He is himself already, and that’s his most fundamental problem.

You cannot find yourself in sin. Or rather, the self you find is not the self you truly want to be. Misery can actually be a kindness to us if it shows us our true condition while by God’s grace, we can still do something about it.

People often say, “I’m tired of living up to other people’s expectations. I need to be who I am.” Ironically, who I am is not the solution; it’s the problem. When you are a sinner, “Be true to yourself” is bad advice. (Those who speak to inmates in prison do not proclaim, “Be yourself”! What they need is to become someone different.)

You are yourself already. How’s that been working for you? Allie Beth Stuckey puts it this way: “If the self is the source of our depression or despair or insecurity or fear, it can't also be the source of our ultimate fulfillment.”

Finding myself is not the solution. Only losing myself in finding Christ is the solution. The good news is that God came into the world to save you from yourself and transform you into a new person.

C. S. Lewis wrote in Mere Christianity:

The more we get what we now call “ourselves” out of the way and let Him take us over, the more truly ourselves we become.

…It is no good trying to “be myself” without Him. The more I resist Him and try to live on my own, the more I become dominated by my own heredity and upbringing and surroundings and natural desires. In fact, what I so proudly call “Myself” becomes merely the meeting place for trains of events which I never started and which I cannot stop. What I call “My wishes” become merely the desires thrown up by my physical organism or pumped into me by other men’s thoughts or even suggested to me by devils...

Until you have given up your self to Him you will not have a real self. …Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.

Recommended Reading God's Promise of Happiness Happiness (softcover)

Remembering My Friend John Kohlenberger

I’m reposting this blog in honor of the 10-year anniversary of my friend John’s homegoing. I love (not just loved, he is more alive than ever) this brother very much. Some of you knew John; others knew of him. His life and story are worth knowing.

I’m writing an unusually long blog in honor of an old and precious friend.

On September 29, 2015 John R Kohlenberger III went home to be with Jesus, after a thirteen-year battle with cancer.

John, a gifted scholar, wrote many biblical language reference works. (To get a sense of his academic accomplishments, see this page).

When he was first diagnosed, John wasn’t expected to live more than a few years. But God gave him thirteen. They weren’t easy on him or his family, but God used them for great good.

John and I met when we were both very young Christians. He told me he was afraid that because he’d done drugs before his conversion, his mind might be permanently damaged. Since he became one of the greatest intellects I’ve known, and a world-class expert in Hebrew and Greek, I used to kid him that if his mind was damaged I’d hate to have seen it undamaged!

One time when John shared his powerful testimony of being reached by the grace of Jesus, a young man said to him, “I wish I had your testimony.” John told him, “No you don’t.” He wanted people to trust Jesus without making the choices Jesus delivered him from. Since we’d both grown up in homes without Christ, we used to tell our friends to be grateful they grew up in Christian families.

Because he was an accomplished guitar player, I asked John to lead music in a Junior High Group I was leading in 1973. It was fun working together, and soon I was asking John to teach the group. John and I went through Bible college and seminary together, talking and praying and reading and discussing God’s Word. It was my privilege to be best man at his wedding, and he was one of my groomsmen. That was forty years ago. While in seminary, we’d have marathon ping pong games as we talked about Scripture and life. John and I enjoyed each other’s humor, and we kidded each other as the best of friends do. 

Nanci’s and my wedding. The second guy from me is John Kohlenberger, the second from Nanci is John’s wife Carolyn.

My groomsmen, with John at the lower right. May 31, 1975 On my other side is Jerry Hardin, who I’ve written of elsewhere.

If you’re older, you know how it goes—life changes, you get busy with your kids and work and you end up in different churches, and then you don’t spend as much time with some of your old friends as you used to. Over a period of years where John and I didn’t see much of each other, we would connect most summers at the Christian Booksellers Convention (now ICRS), where we would walk the floor together. We’d make smart-aleck comments and inside jokes at some of the odd things displayed at the convention, introduce each other to friends, catch up and tell stories and reminisce. We would laugh and laugh.

At one convention, John asked me to go with him to a private luncheon honoring John Stott. John was invited, and at his request, I crashed the party. John and I were the only guys there not in coat and tie, neither of us was even close, especially me. But John Stott, a British pastor-scholar full of grace, whose books had a powerful influence on me, shook our hands and spoke with us warmly  nonetheless, something we both treasured.

Years later, when John K. couldn’t make it to ICRS, I sent him this photo from the floor. We had a good laugh. I told John it was much cheaper for his publisher to make a cardboard image of him and ship it to the convention than to send him. It was a treat to pose with cardboard JRKIII.

Another year when John couldn’t be there because of health, I called him and we talked for an hour and a half as I described what was going on there and who said to say hi to him. It didn’t seem right to be at the convention without him present.

Even when our contact was once a year, my heart was always strong for John, I rejoiced to see and hear his name and learn of his accomplishments. Thinking of him always brought a smile to my face.

While John was fighting cancer, we joined him and Carolyn in their home, and had a wonderful time with them and his friends from church who served with him on the worship team. Seeing their love for him and his for them was really moving.

About ten years ago Nanci and I went to a Passover dinner beautifully conducted by John at Powell Valley Covenant Church, the church we’d attended many years earlier, where Nanci and I grew up, where Carolyn and I came to Christ, and John helped me work with Junior High kids. What a wonderful evening.

I walked miles with John at some cancer Relays for Life, one of which he personally walked over 26 miles. I saw repeatedly his warm interactions with many people he’d come to know through his disease. I saw how his daughter Sarah and son Josh loved and supported their dad. Carolyn told Nanci last week how close John was to his granddaughters, and that four-year-old Ella was really going to miss him.

Relay for Life 

I’ll never forget a lunch in Gresham in John’s honor, perhaps eight years ago, where we were joined by three of our old friends, Larry Gadbaugh, Jim Swanson and Mike Petersen. Larry, also one of my groomsmen and in the photo above, met John before he came to Christ, and couldn’t get over the transformation.  Jim worked with John on various original language projects with Ed Goodrick, our old Greek teacher from Multnomah Bible College. Mike saw John daily for years when JRKIII worked in an office on the Petersen property. The five of us enjoyed a wonderful meal, full of grace and truth and laughter. John gave us various books he’d produced over the years. It was so rich.

Every time I exchanged emails with John asking him about Hebrew and Greek issues, the benefit wasn’t just the excellent info, but touching base with my friend. Seeing the presence of Jesus in his life really inspired me.

John and his family lived an amazing journey these last thirteen years. Carolyn stood by him and supported him, as did Sarah and Josh, in beautiful ways. John told me that while he’d kept himself away from people in the past, suddenly with his diagnosis he found himself constantly in doctors’ offices, hospitals, experimental treatment programs, and support groups, and gathering with people at his church.

John and I shared the lessons of life we’d each learned from our adversity, mine the lesser ones of insulin-dependent diabetes, abortion clinic lawsuits and job loss; his the greater one, of facing the prostate cancer that finally took his life.

We discussed that we’re going to live forever. So why wouldn’t we live each day in light of the world to come? Both of us wanted to spend a good deal of the rest of our lives here passing on to others what we learned.

We’d both become more acutely aware than ever that every day is a gift and an opportunity, that our days are numbered. And God has a purpose in them. We discussed how we don’t have to feel desperate about the fact that we’re going to die someday—we are going to live forever! We encouraged each other to use our remaining time here to do what will make a difference for eternity. We talked about Heaven and the New Earth, and more recently talked about finding happiness in Christ.

By dealing with his cancer, John told me he learned to be authentic and honest. “It’s much easier for me now to touch someone I don’t know and pray for them,” he said. John reached out to others in need and found it rewarding. And though years earlier he could never have imagined such a thing, this lifelong scholar, once with reclusive inclinations, said to me, “You know what I’d really enjoy doing? Becoming a chaplain and helping people deal with cancer.”

John is in the acknowledgments of my new book Happiness—he, along with his friend and mine Jim Swanson, was a big help with the original languages. Little did I know that the book would come out two days before his death.

John and Carolyn Kohlenberger were among those to whom I dedicated my book If God Is Good. In that book, with his permission, I told his story of what he had learned in his suffering. That doesn’t minimize or glorify my friend’s pain, or his family’s, but it does show some of God’s purpose in it (see 2 Corinthians 1:3–7).

John shared with me some wonderful words he wrote about suffering, which I saved. I was deeply touched, and still am, as I read them:

Not just putting on a brave face.

I wish I went through the last six years again. I see the good that has happened.

The growth in relationship I wouldn’t have known.

The perspective and how hard life was—not the luxury of being able to be contemplative.

We either party or we whine.

Had to deal with evil and suffering with people of privilege who have.

I would sound more authentic than before.

Perfectionistic father, not measure up, worthless well, why me? No, who cares?

John’s perspective no longer brutal.

I don’t believe God is any less good than I did before.

It’s much easier for me now to touch someone I don’t know and pray for them.

Chaplain-esque. Wanting to help people now.

Do I do long-term planning? Or not?

Narcissism fighting, it’s not all about me.

Health and wealth gospel is a pyramid scheme that feeds the prosperity of those at the top.

God will turn the pyramid on its head.

John was and is a unique soul, different than any person I’ve ever known. There was in him, at times, a pain and sadness, and a self-doubt that some people didn’t understand. But I knew him as far more than a scholar or brilliant intellect. He was a brother with an immense capacity for humor and enjoyment. He had a relational warmth we enjoyed together, as he did with those who knew him best. As our mutual friend Mike Petersen said, “I’m really going to miss that brother.” Me too.

While I mourn for his dear family, including his grandchildren, I am thrilled for him that he is now experiencing unbridled delight—he has entered into his Master’s happiness.

I love you, John, my brother and friend. I look forward to joining you in the presence of our Savior, and walking the New Earth together!

Here’s a five-minute video where John and Carolyn both spoke, along with their son Josh and daughter Sarah, and they sing the praises of Providence hospital in Portland and their care for him. 

Here’s a tribute to John by Stan Gundry, who knew John and his remarkable gifts, and worked with him in publishing.

Recommended Reading Grieving with Hope

A Child Conceived in Rape Is Still a Child, Precious and Made in God’s Image

Rape is so horrible that when a pregnancy results, we easily transfer our horror to the wrong object. Yet we must not let the ugliness of rape or incest reflect upon either the innocent woman or the innocent child (who is not a stain to be blotted out or a cancer to be removed, but a living human being). Certainly, we must punish the rapist. But let’s not punish the innocent child in our rage against the perpetrator. (Sadly, 75% of Americans support abortion in cases of rape.)

Rape is never the fault of the child. If you found out today that your biological father had raped your mother, would you feel you no longer had a right to live? Should you go to jail for your father’s crimes? Likewise, why should Person A be killed because Person B raped Person A’s mother?

Check out this powerful reminder from prolife speaker Anne Farrens that you can’t tell someone’s story by looking at them:

Anne shares more about her and her mom’s story in this Instagram reel.

She writes:

Growing up in a society that calls me "a constant reminder", "an exception", and "the product of a crime" was extremely difficult. The shame I felt was isolating and convinced me I was different in the worst possible way—and that my difference made me unworthy.

That shame lost its power when I spoke it out loud. I share my story to challenge our culture of exceptions and to stand for children conceived in violence and their brave mothers.

Anne says, “Abortion doesn't undo the trauma of rape—it brings more sorrow and suffering. Grace can come from brokenness; my life is the ultimate example.”

Anne took part in a Live Action discussion with several other people whose mothers were raped, but chose life despite pain and the pressure to abort:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygVpeO4jYn8

I encourage you to download (without cost) my short book Pro-Choice or Pro-Life: Examining 15 Pro-Choice Claims—What Do Facts & Common Sense Tell Us?  It will equip you in your conversations and also is a great book to share with those who are pro-choice or are on the fence. The book is also available in print from our ministry for an affordable price. 

Recommended Reading Pro-Choice or Pro-Life?