Donald Miller's Blog, page 55

Why Shining Jesus is Better Than Broadcasting Him

Lately I’ve realized the people who have had the greatest influence on my life have been those who let Jesus shine through them rather than religion (or a cause) paint over them.

Often, when trying on an identity, we paint ourselves over with a cause.

Even the cause of Christ.

Sometimes when I meet a person who is a walking talking press release for Jesus, everything in me wants to get away. There’s just something unnatural about the interaction. It’s like Jesus is their political candidate or a product, and they are trying to sell Him.

And yet the people I find most inspiring are very close to this, but the difference couldn’t be more stark. Instead of becoming a sandwich board for a cause, these people become more themselves. Their relationship with Jesus has set them free. They aren’t selling Him at all, they’re just crazy about Him and the life He’s given them.

To me, the difference is between shining or broadcasting.

I can either let Jesus shine through me (revealing himself in my personality the way a spouse might reveal their spouse in their joy and contentment) or I can let religion paint a sign on me.

I don’t want to be painted on, to be honest.

It all sounds very judgmental, so forgive me. The truth is I’ve spent time in both camps, being both people. For me, the latter is a more sustainable and authentic way to live. If Jesus is, in fact, a person, I really don’t have to sell Him.

I can just enjoy our relationship and invite other people to interact with Him. I don’t have to sell him like a pill or a toothpaste.

Will you choose to see Jesus as a cause, a movement, a worldview or as an actual Deity?

Why Shining Jesus is Better Than Broadcasting Him is a post from: Storyline Blog

3 Ways of Looking at and Thinking about Other People

I have something to report from my therapy session.

I love therapy. And I think everyone should tell everyone all the things they learn in therapy because therapy is quite expensive. But if everyone can benefit from everyone’s therapy, I feel like it’s a really decent investment.

So, recently my smart therapist said this: There are three different levels of looking at and thinking about other people.

The first is innocent and pure.

Level One is the way a child sees other people. Children–before they hit a certain level of age and experience–don’t see faults in others. All is good.

Level Two is when we grow up a little and “wisen up.” Think teenagers. Now we can see the faults of others clearly. And so we think it’s our job to prove how smart we have become by pointing out those faults.

When we are operating at Level Two, we assume that anyone who is not pointing out other people’s faults is naïve–or just not smart enough to see the faults. We need to educate everybody about everybody else.

Many people operate this way their whole lives.

But when people operate on Level Three, they have wisened up more.

Yes, of course, people on Level Three see the strengths and the weaknesses in the people around them pretty clearly – just as clearly as those on Level Two. But Level Three-ers know that usually, it’s wiser and more gentle and more helpful to point out strengths and just let the weaknesses be.

The best observers would rather be wise, helpful and gentle than “smart.”

They take other people in like they would take in a child’s orchestra concert.

Kids’ concerts don’t sound all that good.

They are a train wreck, really, when you break them down into their parts. Their parts are mostly missed notes and flats and sharps and kids crying and snotty noses and uncomfortable plastic chairs and maybe a splitting headache or two.

But when we refuse to break a kids’ concert down into its imperfect parts and instead take it in as a whole, we realize that right there–in the midst of the mess, somehow–some really beautiful and holy music is being made. We get the chills for how lovely all the imperfect parts are together.

So to folks with Level Three eyes:

People are like kids’ concerts.

They don’t sound perfect. They are a big, old collection of faults sometimes. But taken in as a whole, they can give you the chills; they are so holy.

I’m asking God to help me look at everyone who crosses my path today through Level Three Eyes.

3 Ways of Looking at and Thinking about Other People is a post from: Storyline Blog

Who Will You Let Shape Your Story?

A few weeks ago I noticed some ways in which my current self was different from who I was a year earlier.

I found changes, however subtle, in my speech patterns, my temperament, the way I process conflict, and the way I spend my time and money. Do you do that? Do you ever look at yourself and find that something has changed in the last few months? Maybe you’ve picked up a habit, be it good or bad.

Assuming you’ve noticed something along those lines:

Do you ever wonder how that change happened?

When I see these kinds of shifts — positive and negative pieces of myself I don’t recognize at first — I usually trace the origin back to someone else.

It’s not that they get the credit or the blame, and not that they forced me to do anything I didn’t want to do. Rather, what has happened is someone influential in my life has given me permission — permission to be, feel, act, or speak in a way I wasn’t being, feeling, acting, or speaking before.

If your friend constantly checks his phone while you’re having coffee, you might find yourself doing the same thing because your friend has implicitly given you permission to do so. If your boss makes crude jokes in the break room, it probably won’t be long until someone else takes advantage of the permission they’ve been given and joins in.

But there is a more positive side.

Maybe you have a friend who has given you permission to ignore mindless trends. Perhaps you have a parent who gave you permission to take risks and make mistakes when you were trying to discover yourself.

As much as we like to think of ourselves as independent, self-controlled entities, psychologists and neurologists (and bloggers) agree other people are continually shaping us. The friends, leaders, loved ones, and even adversaries in our lives give us permission to change — a million inconspicuous invitations to become more or less like the person we want to be.

Some people give us permission to dream; others give us permission to demean.

People invite us to forgive or to hold a grudge.

To be vulnerable or to be vicious. To include or to exclude. To speak freely or to speak falsely. To value or ignore thoughtful critique.

Some people have given me permission to admit mistakes, to give voice to my fears and shortcomings, and to set aside my to-do list in order spend time with someone I care about.

In my best moments, I took that permission and ran with it. Others have given me permission to be careless, to be self-serving, to be cynical, and to be unprepared. In my worst moments, I took that permission and ran with it as well.

In becoming aware of this dynamic, we have the opportunity to be more intentional about who we let influence us.

And what changes we’re going to make.

This may be as simple as deciding that even though a particular friend gives you permission to gossip, you’re going to decline that invitation from now on. Or it may be as complicated as deciding that from now on you need to live, work, or worship with people who are constantly inviting you into the kind of love, faithfulness, integrity, and calling that comprise the best version of yourself.

Of course, a truly great story is not only characterized by receiving permission, but also by giving it. Just as we are undeniably shaped by others, we shape them too. Imagine the effect we could have on the stories around us by giving people permission to grow in all the ways that matter.

Let’s try it. I’m pretty sure we have permission.

Who Will You Let Shape Your Story? is a post from: Storyline Blog

Looking for a Radically Different Community?

Every once in a while a weekend conference comes along that has the power to change your life. It’s hard to believe because there are so many of these things, but Storyline is really doing it. If you want to completely change the way your life works, this conference is for you.

Our community is for all walks of life.

You’ll love Storyline Conference if you:

Suspect your skills and abilities should be having more impact on the world.
Have ever wondered if life could be more exciting and whether you have a choice in the matter.
Want to change the world around you by living, not just talking about, a better story.
Feel the need to get away for a few days to create a plan for a more meaningful life.
Are looking for speakers to help you understand how to move in the direction of your dreams.
Want to discover a community of people who are uncommon.

*Photo Credit: Margot Lied

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What makes a Storyline alumni different than the average person is they’ve accepted the responsibility that comes with being alive and they’re actively seeking to live a better story. A story that is clear, focused, determined and is changing the world no matter what resistance they may face.

We want you to leave inspired.

This year we’ve also enlaced a pre-conference film festival and a post-conference Writers Workshop.

And for those who register this week, you’ll also get a copy of my new book Scary Close three months before it’s released. You’ll also get to come to a special release party in which I’ll read from the book. We’ll loop you in on the rest of the secret surprises we’re planning as we roll the book out in February.

All you need to do is register today.

We won’t be doing Storyline Conference again for at least another year, so this may be your last chance.

Here’s a summary of what you’ll get:

A ton of free downloads the minute you register.
My new book Scary Close at the conference, 3 months early.
4 days of laughing, crying and connecting, but most importantly, creating a plan so your life isn’t boring.

There’s even a Pay What You Want tier so cost should never be an issue. Come on out and join us. We’re doing life differently.

Register today.

Looking for a Radically Different Community? is a post from: Storyline Blog

What You’re Missing on the Way Up

I recently traveled to a wedding and decided to spend the following day exploring some trails nearby.

I’d spent hours in this same region hiking over the years, but not on my own. And since I usually travel with people who have a particular trail or timespan in mind, I decided to leave this trip open-ended. I hopped onto the parkway and headed south to the highest point of elevation in the Blue Ridge Mountains.

That seemed like a good place to start.

If you’ve ever driven the Blue Ridge Parkway, you can probably imagine the scenery. Motorcyclists clustered at overlook points, picnics happening in random patches of grass, and ridges of blue mountains growing in depth and shade with every winding turn. It’s worth the drive itself.

As I made it toward the highest point, I noticed a sign pointing down a gravel road to some trail entry points. I passed an older couple picking blackberries and a couple students setting up easels, presumably trying to capture those mystic shades of blue. And after a mile or so, I noticed a couple cars parked along the edge of a trailhead, so I stopped, got out and started walking.

The trail was quiet at first.

I didn’t pass a single soul on either end for the first mile in. The path seemed overgrown and poorly maintained, at times not much of a path at all. But the charm of its wildflowers and the sound of a nearby stream made me want to keep going.

Eventually I came up behind a group of weary hikers. One of the men turned around and yelled back “Do you have any idea where this thing ends up?”

I yelled back, “Nope! But I bet we’ll get some good views along the way.”

We all decided to keep going.

And as we came up on the first stunning overlook of many, I realized my response had not only ended up being true of this trail but of my own story and maybe yours as well.

Every day we tread into unknown territory hoping to catch a glimpse of what’s to come.

We spend tireless hours trying to ensure our success or predict how our stories will unfold, and while ambitions indeed help us move forward, we cannot control what we will encounter. We don’t always know what will or won’t happen for us.

But I think if we keep moving forward in hope and letting God surprise us along the way, this whole messy-long-beautiful-hike ends up being worth it.

We will find good views along the way.

But we’re at risk of missing them if all we’re worried about is keeping our eyes down and getting to the top. Trust me—I’ve probably tripped on rocks and roots roughly 27,456 times hiking. It hurts, both my pride and my ankles, but I’m glad it’s never kept me from enjoying the view.

We have to be willing to keep moving forward even if we don’t know what the summit looks like. And if we make the most of the good we find along the way and trust that nothing done with God is a waste, we might find the path was truly the best part.

May you bravely walk forward and keep yours eyes open for any breaks in the trees this week—in your work, in your relationships and in any doubts you’re experiencing.

Life will pleasantly surprise us when we commit our steps to less worry and more wonder.

What You’re Missing on the Way Up is a post from: Storyline Blog

I’m Glad I’m Not the Same Guy Who Wrote Blue Like Jazz

We don’t get a lot of trolls around my office. We help people live a better story, which doesn’t create much internet drama. But we do get some pushback. The main focus of the pushback sounds like this:

“Don has changed. I miss the old Don.”

We normally get this pushback when we promote our conference or my brand-strategy company. I get it. Whenever you try to sell something, people consider you suspect. It makes sense. There really are people who are only in it for the money. I’m glad my little company isn’t like that, but I fault nobody for making us prove it.

Apart from that, though, I’m so grateful I’m not the same guy who wrote Blue Like Jazz. Certainly I still love the book and am grateful for it, but it’s been ten years now and I’ve changed.

If I haven’t changed, something is drastically wrong.

People are designed to grow and if they don’t it’s because something’s wrong.

There are forces in the world that do not want you to grow, change or get stronger. A variety of motives cause this resistance, but regardless, it must be fought.

Photo Credit: Margot Lied

God designed you to grow from a baby to a child to a teenager to an adult and even after you’re an adult you’re designed to continue learning about God, about love, about each other and about yourself. Not a day goes by when we aren’t given the opportunity to become a better person. Why in the world would anybody want to stay the same?

When I wrote Blue Like Jazz I was dirt poor and weighed 387 pounds. I was terrible at relationships, codependent and confused.

I was also isolated.

I hid from the world watching television and eating ice cream. The only thing I had going for me was that I was open to new ideas and I was willing to be honest. And that was the beginning of a beautiful, transformational journey.

These days when somebody says they miss the old Don, I get it. I understand. He was a super nice guy. But he really wanted to please people because he believed if he took a stand people would leave him. As much as I love the old Don, I don’t miss him.

I like being 150 pounds lighter. I like being in a healthy and beautiful marriage. I like the fact that since Betsy and I got married 8 months ago we’ve had over 80 people stay the night at our house and more than 500 over for dinner.

I’m no longer isolated. And I love the team we’ve built at Storyline and StoryBrand. This team is like family to me.

I also love the fact that I don’t live in reaction.

I show up to my office every day and do my work because showing up and doing my work with consistency greatly improves my chances of being able to pay my mortgage. I used to look for other people to take care of me but I’m stronger now. I can make opportunities happen.

I also love that I get to bring good things into the world that change people’s lives and I don’t mind telling people about those things. I don’t ever want to be a salesman, but I also don’t want to forfeit the public square to snake-oil salesmen. I honestly think more good creators should sell more of their stuff as a way of helping the good team take more ground.

I’m 42 years old now.

And life has indeed changed.

I don’t care as much about what people think of me and I care more about connecting with them. I have specific goals I want to hit unlike the old days when all I wanted to do was listen to music, eat simple carbs and disengage from the world.

But none of that is what this post is about. This post is about being okay succeeding and evolving and becoming healthy and strong. Why do we so oppose these noble ambitions? Why do we consider them suspect? What is it about the people around us getting stronger that strikes fear into our hearts?

I believe it’s okay for all of us to get better.

I believe a depressed person is better off if they seek help and move through their pain, if at all possible. I believe that an unhealthy person is better off becoming healthy and that an isolated person is better off in supportive relationships.

I believe people without access to clean water would be better off if they had a well near them. I believe those who are not given opportunities for employment or education would be better off if we created paths of opportunities for them.

I believe some ways to live are better than others and I believe we should all head toward those more healthy ways to live, not only as a way of bettering ourselves but as a way of bettering the world.

Do I love the old Don?

Of course I do. He was not a loser. He suspected life could be better and I thank God for that suspicion. And so he changed. I love him but I don’t miss him. I’m better now and I’m not going back.

Ten years from now, may we all look back and love who we were while hardly recognizing them.

Onward.

I’m Glad I’m Not the Same Guy Who Wrote Blue Like Jazz is a post from: Storyline Blog

Are You Preparing for the Unexpected?

When my friend called and said he got a last-minute permit to hike the Grand Canyon rim to rim, and asked if I wanted to go with him, I didn’t even hesitate.

Of course I wanted to go. I had never considered such a thing before. I didn’t even know people did this. And I clearly didn’t know how hard it was going to be. But there it was.

Photo Credit: Grand Canyon National Park

I had been to the Grand Canyon only once before with my wife and kids.

It was a really hot and crowded day.

(Wait – Arizona, on Labor Day weekend. No need for previous sentence).

My family and I gazed out as far as we could from the sidewalk, squinting and sweating, glancing around for an air-conditioned gift shop. It’s one of those places where it’s hard to really get a sense of it when you’re up on the sidewalk. So a chance to walk down into the very bottom of the canyon was appealing.

I sought out people who had done it. Some had run down and up. Show offs. Some had done it several times. But most people I talked to hadn’t even considered it. It wasn’t on anyone’s bucket list that I knew of.

But my friend and I did it. We hiked down one day, camped at the bottom and hiked back up the next day. It was awesome, difficult, and I recommend it.

Two things jumped out at me on this trip.

One was how beautiful it was. Every mile seemed like another million years of creation. The other was how unprepared most of the people were who were on the trail.

I’ll show you my pictures sometime to prove the former. But I saw people run out of water within the first couple of miles. One lady fainted from heat stroke. Some people were in sandals.

One guy I passed on the trail, whose legs had turned to cooked spaghetti noodles within the first few hours, was stunned at how hard of a time he was having. I talked with him and his wobbly wife for a few moments while they rested for the 500th time.

I asked how they had prepared for the trip.

“We felt like we were in pretty good shape because we golf a couple of times a week,” he said. “We didn’t do anything else.”

His wife was carried out the next day on the back of a mule.

Here’s the thing about going into any difficult experience. It helps if you’ve done some conditioning beforehand.

This is why I run. Not because I’m trying to set a record or even because I like it that much. I usually try to find reasons to not run. But I run so that, when something comes up where I’m going to need to be in shape, I’m ready. Or at least more ready.

This is why I try to write several times a week.

I also try to avoid this. But it keeps my skills up, keeps my head in the game so that when an opportunity arises for something bigger, I don’t have to work myself into condition.

This is also why it’s a good idea to keep up on our spiritual disciplines. Meditation, prayer, fasting, study, simplicity, solitude, submission, service, confession, worship and celebration can be a part of our rhythm of life, just like running and eating our vegetables.

We try to avoid these, too.

But when life forces us to go down to the very depths, if we’re in shape, we have the strength and stamina to do it, and enough left to walk back out.

Have you ever faced something where you were glad you had “exercised” ahead of time so that it didn’t overwhelm you? How about a time when you wished you had been better prepared?

Let’s stop putting off our work and instead start preparing for greatness.

Are You Preparing for the Unexpected? is a post from: Storyline Blog

Why It Doesn’t Matter How You Feel About Your Friends

My husband and I were talking in the car the other day, and he said something about a friend of ours. He said, “She’s really good at being a friend.”

And in the silence, we were thinking of a couple people we love very much but who, frankly, are not so good at being friends.

They are our friends, certainly.

Which means we share history and care about one another and are always happy to see each other, but when it comes down to it, they don’t DO what good friends DO very often.

And, of course, that led us into a conversation about all the ways we don’t always DO what good friends DO either. Because it doesn’t matter how you feel in your heart about your friends—what matters is showing those feelings through words and actions.

Aaron had a college professor who said over and over, “It doesn’t matter how much you love your kids. What matters is communicating that love in a way that they can understand and feel that love.”

And the same is true for friendship.

As it is true for marriages and all relationships.

It’s so easy for me to feel warm, loving thoughts about friends or family members… and then go on about my day, never reaching out, sending a text, or setting a date to connect.

I think about them all the time, pray for them, and watch the details of their lives spool out over Facebook—first day of school photos, last moments of summer photos. I feel connected and warm, full of affection for these lovely people.

But how on earth would they know that?

Anyway, back to that original conversation in the car about the person who’s good at showing love and the one who’s not so good at showing it.

We were on our way to a birthday party for me, and after dinner each person toasted my birthday and said one kind word about me. The not-so-good friend blew my mind, saying something so lovely and sweet and meaningful, something that I had no idea she felt about me.

How often is that happening in our lives? The things we feel about one another so often go unexpressed, because we’re busy or thoughtless, assuming they know, assuming it’s more than clear.

Is it?

Since that day I’ve been noticing all the times that I think loving thoughts about the people in my life… and then produce no corresponding action to show that love.

Since that day, I’ve sent more texts and emails, a couple old-fashioned letters. I’ve scheduled a walk and a coffee and a dinner. I’ve looked people in the eye and said, “I love you. I’m thankful for you.”

Because at the end of the day, Aaron’s professor is exactly right: It doesn’t matter how much you love someone. What matters is that they know it.

So let’s do it: who are you going to show love to today? Text, email, phone call, love letter. What would being good at being a friend look like in your life today?

Why It Doesn’t Matter How You Feel About Your Friends is a post from: Storyline Blog

You Don’t Need Permission to Live an Incredible Story

We love Bob Goff.

We love him because he shows us what’s capable in a human life. There is no ceiling to Bob’s belief that a simple life loving people can change the world. He’s loved his way into a diplomatic position in Uganda, into starting a massive school for children, into starting another in Iran and even holding prayer meetings with members of the Supreme Court.

Wherever Bob goes he brings unconditional love and leaves all judgment at the door.

We can’t wait for him to inspire you at the Storyline Conference.

Too many of us believe living a great story is complicated.

It isn’t. In fact, the more simple a story is, the more clear it is. Bob’s is simple. He has been loved by God and so he’s turning around to give that love away to anybody who will take it.

And it’s hard to argue with the results. He might be the most impactful Christian in America, and yet one without an official organization, political action committee or board of directors backing him up.

He’s just like you and me.

We hope you can make it to Chicago this year to hear Bob and all our other inspiring speakers. If you need to be reminded life was meant for more than you ever thought, register today.

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Here’s Bob. There will be plenty more of this magic in Chicago. Come on out!

If you register for Storyline before September 18th, you’ll get a physical copy of Donald Miller’s new book Scary Close three months before the public release date.* You’ll also be invited to attend the wrap party where he’ll sign it upon your request. Register today. Seats are limited.

*register as Experience + or Experience Pro to qualify

You Don’t Need Permission to Live an Incredible Story is a post from: Storyline Blog

Do You Have What It Takes to Be a Writer?

A few weeks ago, I was in a bookstore doing a signing. Towards the end, Ian approached me. Ian was about seven, and he was holding a massive stack of books. He stared at me with a determined look. After a few moments, his dad nudged him and he asked,

“How do I become a writer?”

“Well,” I smiled, “Do you like using a pen, pencil or a computer?

What I mean is, Ian, if you can write, if you can put words to paper, you are a writer. You never need anyone else to tell you that you are a writer.

You are a writer now.

This is the hardest lesson for any writer to learn.

Fall in love with great stories, with the stories you cannot put down. Fall in love with language, with the poems and songs that make your heart fly. Fall in love with the imagery that sticks in your imagination. Read those stories and poems. Read them again and again. And always remember, the main thing every writer needs to know: you are a writer now.”

*Photo Credit: Alejandro Escamilla, Unsplash

Ian smiled and shook my hand.

I think this is true of most of us – me included – at times. We think “writer” is a title bestowed on us in the distant future, like knighthood. One old day, when we have gray hair growing out of our ears, Sean Connery will appear at our door, asking us to kneel. Then he will tap us on the shoulder with a Claymore and say, “Arise, good sir.”

We look to others to name us as writers.

Are we any good? Do we have a big fan base on social media? Are we published, famous, bestselling? We believe when we arrive at one of these landmark stops, we will be a bonafide. Writing becomes a destination that is either filled with applause at the end, or it is nothing at all.

However, as long as we look to others for approval, we will never find our voice.

Even worse, as long as we look to be popular, we may write like someone (or everyone) else. Our voice becomes an echo of an original voice. But echoes have diminishing returns. They become weaker and softer with each reverberation.

In Letters to a Young Poet, Rilke wrote this response to a young man who was asking him the same question:

You ask whether your verses are any good. You ask me. You have asked others before this. You send them to magazines. You compare them with other poems, and you are upset when certain editors reject your work.

Now I beg you to stop doing that sort of thing. You are looking outside and that is what you should most avoid right now. No one can advise or help you. No one. There is only one thing you should do. Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write.

This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple “I must”, then build your life in accordance with this necessity; your whole life must become a sign and witness to this impulse.

The writer who writes out of a silent inner mandate, of the whispering voice that says “I must” needs approval from no one. This writer understands his writing may or may not make him popular. It probably won’t make him famous.

It may not even get published.

While popularity is a fine thing, it is never the beginning destination.

Writing is reaching into your deep soul, and being brave enough to put those words on paper.

No one else can say it like you can. No one. So stop waiting for Sean Connery to show up at your door and tell you that you’re a writer. Open your computer, pick up your pen or pencil and begin.

You are a writer.

Do You Have What It Takes to Be a Writer? is a post from: Storyline Blog