Donald Miller's Blog, page 53

Make the Most of the Path You’re On

There is a path we all walk in life. All the places we go when the path gets too rocky and exhausting and brutal and beautiful are dead-end detours. If you take these detours you are not bad, but you are wasting your time and energy.

The path looks like this:

Come back to the path.

There’s no other way.

You will never find your perfect life “balance” on the path for the same reason you will never find a unicorn on the path – because these things don’t exist. Forget unicorns and balance. If you were perfectly balanced, you’d never have to take anyone’s hand to steady yourself, and that would be a tragedy.

There is no solid ground on the path – so don’t hold your breath till you find it. Breathe deeply and keep moving forward awkwardly. You can make it down the whole path imbalanced and flailing. When you fall, give thanks for the opportunity to rest. While you’re down, send love to every other path walker who’s down with you at that moment.

Then get back up.

Or crawl. Crawling is encouraged and respected. Path running is fine, but crawling is much better. Crawlers travel with their eyes close to the ground – so they never miss an inch of the beautiful, rocky path. Crawlers get less glory but learn the most about the path’s terrain.

And know your fellow travelers are both your teachers and students.Your relationships with them will be the hardest part of path walking. To avoid humbling oneself into the role of student and having the courage to position oneself into the role of teacher – many try to walk the path alone.

But the path was not designed for solo treks.

The path was designed to teach Love. Whenever you introduce your true self to a fellow path traveler and listen and speak and learn and stay with her for a while – that is called Love. Walking with and staying with messy fellow path travelers for any length of time is Love. Love is the most brutal and beautiful part of path traveling. Participate. Learn from and teach every path traveler you encounter. Exchanging love with fellow path travelers is how we gather the wisdom and strength we’ll need to overcome the next obstacle on our path.

Note: You do not teach by teaching – you teach by loving. Be humble and courageous.

You always have enough strength.

And courage and wisdom.You always have exactly what you need for your daily trek. Sometimes you won’t believe this, because you will encounter stretches of the path that are treacherous and terrifying, but if you give up in the middle of those stretches – if you sit down permanently in them – then you have to live there. Don’t live in the dark, scary parts. Trust and keep moving. There will be a clearing soon and you will feel the warm sun again.

The One who created your path is outside of time, so your life is an epic movie that has already been scripted. So don’t plan or worry – your job is to trust your path and participate fully and notice as much as you possibly can and keep on moving.

But don’t become proud or ashamed.

Don’t become proud that you are further along than many travelers or ashamed that you are far behind others. Your position on the path relative to other travelers has nothing to do with your strength or stamina or wisdom or cunning. We are all in different places because we all have different entry points to the path.

Where you are and where everyone else is along the path is none of your concern or business.

Let that go.

You are exactly where you are supposed to be, always, and so is everyone else. The portion of the path you wake up to today was written for you.

Everyone is exactly where he or she is supposed to be. You are not your own or anyone else’s path-planner. You are just a traveler. You just keep moving. Trust the Path. Follow in the footsteps of a billion other mighty travelers who have walked and run and crawled the path before you.

Fear not. And carry on, warrior.

Glennon will be speaking and hosting a breakout discussion at Storyline Conference at the end of this month. Register today to join us in Chicago!

Make the Most of the Path You’re On is a post from: Storyline Blog

Be Brave Enough to Make a Mess

Vulnerability is less like a sweet golden retriever, all directness and love, and more like a cat—unpredictable, reserved.

You don’t boss it. You don’t march right into it. You create space for it, and then it slides into your midst whenever it decides, taking its own sweet time, frankly.

To be honest, my small group, a group I adore, has not been an easy nut to crack in terms of vulnerability. Some people lay it all out there to whoever will listen. This group is not like that. Again, I super-love them, but spilling our guts is not really in our repertoire.

So I’m learning to create the space for it.

And then wait. Like you’re waiting for a cat to come out from behind the couch, sort of acting like you don’t even care, but you really, really do.

We’re learning we do better around the table than we do in the official “discussion” part of the evening in the living room—so much so that we’ve abandoned the living room entirely, because it seems with this group that the good stuff happens around the table.

*Photo Credit: Mikaela Hamilton

There’s something about keeping your hands busy, like it tricks your mind and you just start talking.

And there’s something about a messy table.

The crumpled napkins, me puttering around the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets, making tea and slicing cake.

I’ve even found that if I suspect that sneaky old cat is going to wander out at any second, I get up from the table and bang around in the kitchen a little. I can still hear because it’s only like 5 feet away, but it breaks that pressure-y spell and the words start coming out. Counterintuitive, certainly, but effective.

Doing anything shoulder-to-shoulder helps, I’ve found.

Running together, cooking together, working on motorcycles together. My darling brother is a motorcycle guy, and there’s basically not enough money in the world that could make him, say, go to coffee with one of the other motorcycle shop guys and stare at each other over a latte. They’d sooner die.

But in the shop, shoulder to shoulder, tinkering and fixing, the big truth comes sliding out, the same way it does around the messy table, just when you think it won’t—like a stubborn, beautiful cat.

Vulnerability happens when you’re brave and start first.

And when you hold a safe space and wait, when you log enough hours over time to create something really durable for that truth to tumble out onto, in a big, lovely, rich mess.

How can you begin to create an environment of vulnerability around your table or in your community?

We are honored to have Shauna hosting and speaking at Storyline Conference at the end of this month. Register today to join us in Chicago!

Be Brave Enough to Make a Mess is a post from: Storyline Blog

What a Forgotten Photo Revealed About My Parents

I recently wrote about finding a photo of myself and remembering how self-critical I was at the time it was taken. Today I’d give anything to be that woman with her life ahead of her.

I found the photo when rummaging through a bin of family photos at my sister’s house. I also found a number of old portraits, slipped into gray-white cardboard sleeves with fine embossing and the faint smell of mildew. I rescued the photos from their moldering covers, and that’s when I made a discovery: my mother’s college portrait.

She was a knock out.

How did I not know this? Well, okay: by the time I was a teenager and aware of beauty, Mom was 55. And she never called attention to herself; this photo had been locked away in a box. But there she was: a college senior and a total babe. I wish I’d gotten a little more from her gene pool.

Then when I removed her portrait from its sleeve, out fell a teensy photo of my father. He couldn’t have been more than 22. He was looking at something in the distance and smiling! My dad never smiled in photos. Or, well, ever. One of my brothers nicknamed him “the Incredible Sulk.” I scanned the photo at 1200 DPI and sure enough, it was Dad: young, handsome and looking like the happiest guy in the world.

I posted the photo on Facebook.

A woman who’d worked for Dad made a comment. “Classic Doc Isaacs! Love him!” What? She knew Dad as a smiler? When sheworked for him, he was well into his fifties, and a sullen man.

She replied in an email that she loved working for my dad; he had the best sense of humor, made her laugh all the time. My first reaction was, “You didn’t know who he really was when he got home.”

Photo provided by : Susan Isaacs

But I stopped myself: why was her experience of Dad any less real than mine? Did his private self obliterate who he was out in the world?

It’s true that we bring home our pain to the people closest to us. But it goes both ways; we extend grace to strangers that we don’t extend to those closest to us. Besides, my father mellowed in later years. We healed our relationship, and I came to love and appreciate him – especially his sense of humor.

Another thing has occurred to me.

When I was young, I never understood how Dad couldn’t be grateful for what he did have. Today, I have a lot more empathy for him: I’m nearly his age and I fight the same temptation toward bitterness and regret.

So I posted that photo of Dad on my corkboard, smiling at something out of sight. It makes me think fondly of him. Even though I didn’t see that side of Dad so often, it was still true about him.

It reminds me to look not backward but forward, to the hope that lies just out of sight.

Susan, an acclaimed memoirist and friend of Storyline, will be teaching breakout sessions on writing at Storyline Conference and at the Storyline Writers Workshup at the end of this month. Register today to join us in Chicago!

What a Forgotten Photo Revealed About My Parents is a post from: Storyline Blog

If You Want to Be a Better Writer, Here’s Some Help

On the final day of Storyline in Chicago we will host the first-ever Storyline Writers Workshop. If you’ve ever wanted to write a book, this workshop is going to help. Dean Nelson, the Director of Pt. Loma’s Journalism Department, acclaimed memoirist Susan Isaacs, and I will be teaching the workshop.

Here’s a breakdown of what we will be talking about.

Session One: Dean Nelson, Why Your Voice Matters

The reason you should write is that you want to make a ton of money, you want a lot of recognition for your witty unique ideas and you want to get invited to all those cool parties that have gone on with you – until now.

But those aren’t the only reasons why you should write. The reason you should write is that your voice matters to the world – whether that world is your family, your friends, your community or, literally, the world. No one sees things quite the way you do. No one has had the same experiences and insights as you. And some part of the world would be missing something if your voice wasn’t in it.

Session Two: Donald Miller, The Story Formula

Whether you’re writing fiction, your memoir or even a self-help book, understanding a formula for story will serve you. In this session Don talks about the story formula he uses to organize his books, to outline chapters and even as a public speaker. Don will unpack the movie Moneyball and show you why the screenwriters made the choices they made and how you can use their formula to enhance your work.

Session Three: Susan Isaacs, How Honest Should You Be?

Susan is known for her candid, vulnerable writing style. But how careful should you be in telling your story? Is it okay to talk about that horrible breakup? Or your parents’ dysfunction? What are the ramifications of putting personal stories into print? In this session, Susan will talk about where she draws the line and why.

Session Four: Dean Nelson, Nuts and Bolts

Good stories have some things in common, and good storytellers know what they are. What makes some stories better than others? Hint: It’s more than inspiration. This session will give some practical advice for things you should and shouldn’t do if you want anyone to read your work. This will be the most practical session and yet will separate your writing from the amateurs.

Session Five: Donald Miller, The Writers Life

Every writer works differently, but the successful ones have a few important things in common. They get up early. They write in the morning. They set a fixed schedule and stick to it. They get away to edit their work. They are careful who they allow to make editorial comments. They put the work aside for a season then come back to it with fresh eyes. In this session Don will talk about how to treat your job as a writer with no more romanticism than a plumber or carpenter approaches their craft. In the end, art is a job.

Session Six: Group Panel

Each of our presenters will speak words of advice, followed by a final-round question and answer. You’ll love it.

If you want to come to the Writers Workshop, register for the Experience Pro tier of the conference. When you do, you’ll get a pass to the Film Festival, our two-day life planning conference and the Writers Workshop on the final day. The idea is we start with inspiration, then organize your life, then talk about not just living a better story but writing one, too.

Register today and be in Chicago. Your new life and new story start at the end of this month.

If You Want to Be a Better Writer, Here’s Some Help is a post from: Storyline Blog

How a Movie Marathon Can Help You Live a Better Story

The Storyline Conference is only a few weeks away. If you’ve not registered, do so today!

This year’s conference will guide you through the creation of your LifePlan while inspiring you with amazing speakers, and yet we’ve also added incredible value to the front and back-end of the conference.

This year’s conference kicks off with the first-ever Storyline Film Festival, hosted by Steve Taylor. We did this to get you thinking about story in a fun and innovative way before we dive into the two-day curriculum. Our hope is the Film Festival will get your wheels spinning around narrative all while giving you an entertaining and inspiring experience.

Then, the day after the conference make sure to stick around for the Storyline Writers Workshop. More on that tomorrow. It’s all going to be incredible.

That said, we wanted to let you know what the final lineup for the Film Festival is going to be. Here’s a quick run down on the schedule:

FILM FESTIVAL SCHEDULE

9:30am — Film Festival Begins

Audience of One

Spy vs Guy, short film

Keynote by Seth Worley

Plot Device, short film

Believe Me

Form 17, short film

21 Years: Richard Linklater

At 7:50pm, we are excited to announce we’ll be screening an exclusive feature film, which we’ll reveal to you soon. Here’s a hint: it won’t be in theaters until Christmas 2014.

And we’ll be following that up with a few surprise trailers!

Again, if you’ve registered, grab some friends and come. The Film Festival and Writers Workshop are accessible only at the Experience Pro level of registration, but even then it’s an incredible value. Come join us!

How a Movie Marathon Can Help You Live a Better Story is a post from: Storyline Blog

How to Invite People into the Story You’re Telling

Finding, attracting and retaining great people is the most important role of a visionary. To be the best, we must attract the best.

It was two days after Christmas, and I was on the phone with a friend that I was trying to recruit to join my team. He had all the abilities that we needed. We were on the front conversations of scaling as an organization and needed a process person to help us get “there.”

So, I offered him the job.

He accepted.

We agreed on a specific computer to order, negotiated the salary, where he wanted his gym membership and were even looking at new office chairs for his desk. I was dreaming about how the new year would be different, growth was happening and I had secured the talent just like Nick Saban does for Alabama’s football team.

Then I got the call. The other end of the phone seemed like a different tone. He told me he wasn’t going to join our team after all. His current work gave him an opportunity that he could not pass up.

I had him. He was all in.

Then I lost him.

Since that moment, I have racked my brain about what I could have done different.

Why wouldn’t he want to join this vision? Why wouldn’t everyone want to join this vision?

I have realized a series of things that are reframing how I invite people into the story of our organization:

1. My story is not everyone else’s calling. As much as I think the vision I am pursuing is the most exciting story in the world and everyone ought to be a part of it, its not the only great story in the world. Committed individuals must sacrifice to join this story (as I have done), which results in a more dedicated commitment for the time they are with the team. Its ok if people don’t want to join our team, because we are not for everyone.

2. Encourage learning through contribution. My new assumption is that any person that works for me is on the path toward something more in line with their unique giftedness. In a great scenario, I might have 3-5 years. I have their presence for a small time. We are attracted to opportunities that refine our craft, through addressing a new problem on our way toward something greater. Give challenges that need new solutions that match skillsets for a short period, then prep to send them off. Invite people to your team for a short commitment where they learn a ton.

3. The best leaders are dream makers. I believe every person is designed for something unique, and we must create environments where we help people find that dream. Help and then connect them to others that can help them. The release of people that are fully living out their design as a result of your mentorship will always attract more talent. We all want to be built into, but then we want to do what we are made to do. So help others do just that and more talent will emerge.

4. Great people attract great people. The quality of your current team will have a significant affect on your next team member. Your team will either be creating momentum in recruiting or hurting your attraction of others. If you want to attract the best talent, it always needs to be building off your latest recruitment.

Since the day I received the call about my friend not accepting the position, I have second-guessed my recruiting abilities.

Finding and attracting talent is hard, but will define what our organization will become.

And I like who we are becoming.

When we have great talent, we attract great talent. When we have attracted great talent, we create great results. When we have great results, we attract even greater talent.

I’ve found when you do your best to empower great stories, the right characters keep showing up.

How to Invite People into the Story You’re Telling is a post from: Storyline Blog

Invest in Others’ Dreams While They Work Within Yours

Finding, attracting and retaining great people is the most important role of a visionary. To be the best, we must attract the best.

It was two days after Christmas, and I was on the phone with a friend that I was trying to recruit to join my team. He had all the abilities that we needed. We were on the front conversations of scaling as an organization and needed a process person to help us get “there.”

So, I offered him the job.

He accepted.

We agreed on a specific computer to order, negotiated the salary, where he wanted his gym membership and were even looking at new office chairs for his desk. I was dreaming about how the new year would be different, growth was happening and I had secured the talent just like Nick Saban does for Alabama’s football team.

Then I got the call. The other end of the phone seemed like a different tone. He told me he wasn’t going to join our team after all. His current work gave him an opportunity that he could not pass up.

I had him. He was all in.

Then I lost him.

Since that moment, I have racked my brain about what I could have done different.

Why wouldn’t he want to join this vision? Why wouldn’t everyone want to join this vision?

I have realized a series of things that are reframing how I invite people into the story of our organization:

1. My story is not everyone else’s calling. As much as I think the vision I am pursuing is the most exciting story in the world and everyone ought to be a part of it, its not the only great story in the world. Committed individuals must sacrifice to join this story (as I have done), which results in a more dedicated commitment for the time they are with the team. Its ok if people don’t want to join our team, because we are not for everyone.

2. Encourage learning through contribution. My new assumption is that any person that works for me is on the path toward something more in line with their unique giftedness. In a great scenario, I might have 3-5 years. I have their presence for a small time. We are attracted to opportunities that refine our craft, through addressing a new problem on our way toward something greater. Give challenges that need new solutions that match skillsets for a short period, then prep to send them off. Invite people to your team for a short commitment where they learn a ton.

3. The best recruiters are dream makers. I believe every person is designed for something unique, and we must create environments where we help people find that dream. Help and then connect them to others that can help them. The release of people that are fully living out their design as a result of your mentorship will always attract more talent. We all want to be built into, but then we want to do what we are made to do. So help others do just that and more talent will emerge.

4. Great people attract great people. The quality of your current team will have a significant affect on your next team member. Your team will either be creating momentum in recruiting or hurting your attraction of others. If you want to attract the best talent, it always needs to be building off your latest recruitment.

Since the day I received the call about my friend not accepting the position, I have second-guessed my recruiting abilities. Finding and attracting talent is hard, but will define what our organization will become.

I like who we are becoming.

When we have great talent, we attract great talent. When we have attracted great talent, we create great results. When we have great results, we attract even greater talent.

I’ve found when you do your best to tell and encourage great stories, the right characters keep showing up.

Invest in Others’ Dreams While They Work Within Yours is a post from: Storyline Blog

The Best Thing I Do as a Business Owner

About every 3 months I put myself through a 2-step process that clarifies my thinking, filters out stress and increases my productivity. The 2 steps are simple, free and I highly recommend them. The steps are this:

1. I write down my 3 main business goals for the next 12 months.

2. I rewrite them, individually, and then create a to-do list under them.

I have a robust business strategy I created after meeting for 2 days with a business coach. That strategy will keep me on track for the next 5 years.

Nevertheless, the fog creeps in.

I get a call and somebody wants me to endorse a book or a non-profit wants some help clarifying their brand and pretty soon I forget what my priorities were. Life suddenly feels confusing and I’m living in a fog.

A fog is no good, especially if you’re a leader. People need you to have clarity, to know what the priorities are, to know where they fit in the mission and to be encouraged and reminded all the time. If you and I, as leaders, are living in a fog, so is everybody else.

So, every few months (not on schedule, more like whenever the fog sets in) I step over to the white board and clarify everything I’m doing. Amazingly, when I’m done, life no longer feels complicated and all goals seem reasonable.

The fog lifts.

I’ve been asked before why I only focus on 3 main projects at a time. The truth is we are likely only going to accomplish 3 big projects next year. Once one of them is done, I’m free to add another.

If I have 4 or 5 it will be harder to know which one is most important. I recommend focusing on 3 and sticking to them until they are completely done.

My 3 projects are listed on a large white board in my office, right behind a table where I sit to meet with people. I like to have them listed there because they’re a constant reminder of what I’m trying to get done.

I’ve created visible accountability.

If I’m in a meeting in which we aren’t advancing those goals, I question the importance of the meeting (it’s often important, but at least I have a filter that causes me to question).

If you want more help organizing your time or your life, check out the productivity schedule I created that helps me, as a creative person, stay on track and on vision. It’s here and it’s available with Creating Your Life Plan.

The Best Thing I Do as a Business Owner is a post from: Storyline Blog

What You’ll Find When You Stop Running

I’ve had two epic dreams in my life. One of them entered my sleep the week before I got married at age 36, after years of running from relationships, fearing intimacy, and petrified of commitment. The other came the day after my 60th birthday. I’d like to tell you about the first.

In my dream, I was a member of a counter terrorist group. I wore dark camo, a helmet, night vision goggles, a bulletproof vest, and black face paint – the whole deal.

Before I go on, you must know how comical this is. In my non-dream life, I’m the kind of guy who would pet all of the forest animals if they’d let me, and I’m freaked out by guns and loud noises.

Back to the dream.

Our group (think SEAL team) was going after the bad guys. To reach them, we had to make our way through a dense forest and scale a steep and jagged cliff, which we did with both stealth and skill. It was nearing sunset.

As we reached the cliff’s crest, we advanced toward the enemy’s camp. Suddenly, there was a huge explosion, followed by gunfire from almost every direction. They were waiting for us. The ensuing battle was fierce and chaotic.

It soon became evident that we were being overpowered. Our only escape was to retreat the way we came. Somehow we made it to the cliff and scaled down it amidst heavy fire.

The enemy followed us.

Running furiously through the woods, we eventually fanned out, finding separate paths– a strategy we’d obviously learned in training. As I was charging through the underbrush, I heard footsteps behind me. I had been singled out for pursuit. I could hear him running behind me; the leaves and sticks under his feet crunching as he followed.

Nearing exhaustion, I kept running as fast as I could, but he followed me relentlessly. With limited visibility, I tripped over a root, sprawling on the forest floor, my face in the dirt. In a moment, his footsteps stopped, and I realized that he had caught up with me.

I turned to look at the face of the person who I thought would surely kill me.

And then I saw him.

A kindly, old, little guy – about the size of one of Snow White’s friends, only with the cool factor of someone in The Lord of the Rings. About three feet tall, this fellow had long, silver hair and a beard.

He didn’t look at me, but was busy spreading out a tablecloth over the ground. Then he brought out a large picnic basket and began placing plates and food on the cloth. There were meats and cheeses and desserts and foods that I’d never seen, but it looked like if you ate them, your life would change for the better.

He turned and looked up at me.

And with the kindest of eyes said with a gentle but firm voice, “You’ve been running from me all of your life, and all I ever wanted to do was give you a feast. So here it is. Enjoy!”

And that was it.

I woke up crying and laughing, savoring every second of both the dream and the feast. Up until that moment, I don’t know when my heart had every felt that full. It was a holy moment.

It doesn’t take Sigmund Freud to interpret my dream. And from conversations I’ve had with friends of mine, this dream contains a familiar theme.

Our fears lead us to lonely and crazy places.

We often run from the wrong things. Sometimes we end up fighting ridiculous battles against imagined enemies. Often what we fight or evade are the very things destined to bless us.

Is there something you are fighting against or running from? Things that you’ve feared? Situations or relationships you’ve avoided?

I encourage you to turn around to face the stranger who is pursuing you.

You might be surprised at who (or what) is chasing you and maybe, just maybe, you’re in for a feast and the beginning of a new chapter in your story.

What You’ll Find When You Stop Running is a post from: Storyline Blog

Discovering Your Calling Won’t Make You Whole

When I was 24, I was in a job that was not a great fit for me. Not terrible, but not great, and the “not great” part was all I focused on. I was very anxious about my job and very restless for the next thing. I wanted to find out exactly what my calling was and do only that. I thought if I found the job that was my calling, I would love it and jump out of bed every morning, even on Mondays.

I’ve felt this way for most of my twenties.

Even when I got a new job at age 24 that was a much better fit for me and gave me more joy, I prayed that God would show me exactly what He wants me to do and give me the courage to do it.

A few months ago I began reading a book called The Call by Os Guinness. I loved the title and decided by the time I finished it, I would have a clear picture of God’s will for my life. This was going to be great.

Then, I read this paragraph.

And it’s basically all I’m thinking about right now:

“…it is easy to become spoiled if we concentrate on the core of our giftedness—as if the universe existed only to fulfill our gifts….We live in a fallen world and the core of our gifts may not be fulfilled in our lives on earth. If there had been no Fall, all our work would have naturally and fully expressed who we are and exercised the gifts we have been given. But after the Fall, that is not so.”

When I first read that part of the book, I fought it. No, I thought, I will “arrive” one day. I will discover my perfect calling. It’s here, and I’m going to find it.

But what if it’s not?

What if this really is a fallen world in which things fell, and now they are broken? This is what was promised to us after all: “In the world you will have tribulation,” Jesus said (John 16:33).

How quickly I forget that. How quickly I get discouraged and wonder why I don’t feel content or why work is so hard sometimes. Maybe it’s because it’s supposed to be. Maybe it’s to remind us that things are broken here.

And the reminder of brokenness carries over into all areas of our lives. We scramble for perfection, peace, clarity and happiness, but are they here? Sometimes yes, but also sometimes no.

And they’re not meant to be.

Eternity is in our hearts, so we long for it everywhere. When we don’t find wholeness here on earth, we are forced to look forward and upward.

When I see it this way, the breaking of things is a promise for the whole that is coming. “But take heart; I have overcome the world,” says the rest of John 16:33. And though this promise does not lessen the longing, it does deepen the hope.

Discovering Your Calling Won’t Make You Whole is a post from: Storyline Blog