Donald Miller's Blog, page 50

Turn Your Mistakes into Opportunities to Get Better

While we often view past struggles as the unfortunate parts of our story, I’ve learned to see them as opportunities. I no longer get down on myself about making mistakes as long as I make things better the next time. I don’t know if it’s my optimism or some kind of lesson that’s been instilled in me, but I’ve been operating in this “just make it better the next time” mentality for a long time now.

Our staff just returned from Chicago.

We’d been hosting Storyline Conference at Willow Creek. This is now the 4th conference I’ve been able to curate alongside Don. When I started working with Don, I had never put on an event at this scale. As a retired musician and manager of a musician, I had put on concerts, though. To me, it was the same thing.

I, for some reason, delight in being the organizer. So, when Don asked if I thought I could take over the conference, I said, “Yes!” My friend Bob had been teaching me that good things happen when you “just say yes.”

“How hard could it be?” I thought. *cue eye rolls from all professional event coordinators

So, I dove in.

Whenever I have a big project in front of me, the only way I know how to manage it is one task at a time. I started making lists of tasks and grouped them together in categories — Speakers, Travel/Lodging, Event Location, Misc.

Week by week, I checked a few more things off the ole to-do list and before I knew it, we had a conference in front of us.

At the first conference, some things went really well. And, well, some of it didn’t. Fortunately, nothing major. But any time you gather a large amount of people, you can gage the effectiveness of communication (and other things) by how many emails you’re receiving. If you are doing a great job communicating to your attendees, they don’t write to inquire about things you’ve forgotten. But if they’re left wondering about anything, they write in. I received a lot of messages at that first conference.

But here’s how I stayed optimistic:

I told myself, “All you can do is make the next time better.”

Whether it was the next email I sent out to everyone or changing how I organized the conference program as a whole, I had the opportunity to make improvements.

I decided to find joy in the journey of making every conference better than the one before. And I’m happy to say, this last conference was definitely our best yet.

Without the first three conferences under my belt, I never would have known the ratio of pastries-to-person or the number of breaks that would be needed for a session to flow well.

I’ve watched sessions go too long.

I’ve seen crowds begin to disengage with the speaker, and it having little to do with the content. The people just needed a break! So, at the next conference, we shortened the sessions and gave them more breaks. Simple changes, better results.

I’ve learned so much about the needs of our attendees from surveys, talking to people at the conference itself, and watching the #StorylineConf hashtag like a hawk. When people have specific negative feedback for me, I try to remember that most people aren’t mean, they’re just frustrated and need my help. And if I give them the kindest help they’ve ever received, they tend to not be frustrated for very long.

Some of us live day-to-day feeling guilty about our past mistakes.

Messing up can feel discouraging.

But the God I know always offers grace over guilt. Maybe you snapped at someone last night out of frustration or feel like you dropped the ball at work or haven’t shown up for a friend in the way you’ve wanted to.

Photo Credit: Mikaela Hamilton

Each one of these scenarios is an invitation to learn and get better. A bad history cannot hold you back if you refuse to repeat it.

What did you learn last week that will enable you to have a better week this week? Make a list if you have to. Offer yourself grace for the harder days and make today awesome. All you can do is make the next time better.

Turn Your Mistakes into Opportunities to Get Better is a post from: Storyline Blog

Why Your Ideas Need a Place to Play

The ideas are waiting to get out. They are second graders raising their hands saying, “Pick me! Pick me!” in the classroom that is your brain. They want to go to recess, which means we need to give them a place to play.

Sometimes life steals away the moments we could be creative. Sometimes family and taking care of ourselves has to take precedence above letting that idea climb the monkey bars. Sometimes we don’t want to face the same bullying, trash-talking fear that plagues us every time we sit down to create.

We get discouraged.

We don’t want to confront the nagging voice that says, “This is about to suck. No one’s gonna like it. It won’t be good enough, cool enough, or popular enough.” Making the space to create not only forces us to face this voice, it also forces us to overcome it.

Before my husband and I went house hunting we had to admit something that two years of both working as full-time artists had taught us: we love each other but we need separate work spaces. My husband needs records, noise, beats, cartoons, equipment, instruments, and comedy to create.

I need jazz.

I need books, lots of books, pictures of words on the walls, magazines, and more books. We found a place that offered us both the rooms we needed to be creative.

For the first time in my adult writer life, I have an office. The first time I shut the door, pulled up the window shades, and tapped away at my laptop, I took a few minutes to savor the moment, to remember all the coffee shops, dining room tables, and bedroom nightstands that had also played the role of office and creative space for me.

Maybe you have an office.

Maybe you have a closet or corner that pretends to be an office. Maybe all you have is a writing utensil and a pair of headphones. I’m learning the most important part is not where you create, but that you do the creating.

Photo Credit: Mikaela Hamilton, Lauren Ledbetter

Staring at a blank canvas, blinking cursor or empty page can be difficult, especially when you’re creating something that doesn’t have a ready template or proven success rate. But making something new reminds me of what made me love writing and performing in the first place.

Accept that you may not know what you’re doing.

And that’s ok. The purpose of creating something new isn’t so you can feel like an expert, it’s so you can remember what it feels like not to be one, and let the process teach you all you need to know.

Don’t let procrastination or perfectionism keep you from creating.

Let your ideas take a spin on the merry-go-round, push them on the swing. All they want is a place to play.

Why Your Ideas Need a Place to Play is a post from: Storyline Blog

My 6 Tips for Surviving Criticism

If you share yourself with the world, you’re going to be criticized. The world may seem like a nice, safe, warm place, but as soon as you put yourself out there’s a good chance you’ll be a target for criticism.

If you’re not careful, you’ll start feeling like a character in The Lord of the Flies.

Photo Credit: Mikaela Hamilton

So how do you survive it? How do you keep putting yourself out there?

Here are a few ideas:
1. Understand great ideas get criticized just as much as bad ones. Michelangelo, Mark Twain, Martin Luther King and Abraham Lincoln were ferociously criticized. Receiving criticism doesn’t mean you’ve done great work, but it doesn’t mean you haven’t, either. Everything out there gets criticized, good or bad.

2. Keep your moral center. Know in your mind and heart whether what you are writing, painting, singing or filming is good for the world. And be able to articulate why. Come back to this when you’re beginning to doubt the importance of your work.

3. Love your enemies. Most criticism is actually good, but the criticism that hurts the most comes from people who want to tear you down, personally. The positive side of this kind of criticism is it presents you with a challenge. Can you love somebody who wants to harm you? If you can, it only proves what you’re bringing to the world is revolutionary, and perhaps even divine. Fear and hate are common. For a person to love their enemies, there’s little explanation save the involvement of God.

4. Limit your enemies. It’ll do no good to constantly search the internet for people writing about your new album. I normally read the first several Amazon reviews and that’s about it. I just want to make sure what I wrote is landing well. After that, I see little benefit to reading reviews. If I’m reading reviews, I’m not working on what’s next.

5. Realize there aren’t that many critics. Likely, for every critic you get you’ll encounter a lot of people who needed and received your help. You either encouraged them or inspired them, made them laugh or just offered your art for their comfort. Just keep working for them.

6. Learn from the constructive critics. One of the most encouraging afternoons of my career was going on Rotten Tomatoes and reading through the negative criticism of the film Blue Like Jazz. It was scary at first, but I realized so much of what the critics were saying I felt as I was working on the screenplay. I wanted to go further but was too scared. The critics affirmed, indeed, I was too scared. The constructive critics can speak the truth and you are somehow encouraged. They can help you become a better artist.

I’m really hoping criticism doesn’t get you down. You have a right to speak, to paint, to create film, to speak, to teach and to share your thoughts and perspectives with the world.

God has decided that you get to contribute. I hope you do.

My 6 Tips for Surviving Criticism is a post from: Storyline Blog

The Emptiness of Accolades

I care less about money than I ever have before. But accolades get me every time.

This past January was maybe the most successful month of my life—at least in worldly terms. I released a book, Clutterfree with Kids, that spent two weeks as the #1 Parenting book in America and Canada. On the exact same day, our Facebook page passed 100,000 fans. And to top it off, with over 1 million pageviews, January was our busiest month ever on Becoming Minimalist.

I felt like I was on top of the world.

It was truly an amazing season… and it lasted almost an entire two weeks.

Early in February, during an evening session of answering email at my dining room table, I began to notice some interesting chatter on social media. A friend of mine had apparently been featured on a popular news website. Immediately, it seemed, everybody was talking about him, heaping praise on his accomplishment.

I should have been happy for him. But I wasn’t. I was too busy complaining to myself that my story wasn’t being covered by the media.

All of a sudden things were changing.

Later that same week, I noticed another author’s Facebook page was growing faster than mine. To make it worse, my book was no longer on top of any bestsellers list. In fact, there were countless parenting books already selling better than mine ever did. I began to regret that I didn’t title my book, The 5 Love Languages to Expect You’re Expecting.

Rather than celebrating one of the greatest months of my life, I had become jealous and envious of the people around me. And this was not just a superficial jealousy that fades in the morning—this was a jealousy deeply rooted in my heart that I could not shake no matter what I tried.

My work and accomplishments immediately seemed less impressive to me.

Two weeks later I was in San Diego.

I was listening to Anne Lamott at the Storyline Conference. She was speaking about writing, but also about life (as she so brilliantly does).

During one of her answers, she made a life-giving observation. She said, “If you are hoping to find your self-worth and fulfillment in other peoples’ opinion of your writing, you will never find it.”

Her statement caught my attention immediately. I recounted the last two weeks and suddenly realized that is exactly what I had done. I had based my self-worth and happiness on the number of accolades I received from others. And as they began to fade, so did my opinion of the life I was trying to live.

The pursuit of accolades is always a foolish desire.

It often negatively impacts the decisions we make and the life we choose to live. But they never fully satisfy our hearts or our souls. Even those who have reached the pinnacle of fame and prestige in our society long for more. As Eric Hoffer once wrote, “You can never get enough of what you don’t need to make you happy.”

The life you live is the life you live regardless if anybody notices or not.

Our goal is not to secure accolades. They are empty and fleeting. Our goal is to live the one life we’ve been given to its greatest potential—whether anybody praises you for it or not.

The Emptiness of Accolades is a post from: Storyline Blog

What Is Self-Righteousness and Why Is It Annoying?

Years ago I lived in a small condo with about twenty other tenants. They were mostly an older crowd, educated, dignified and retired.

During my first few months in the condo, I was watched like a new pet. I remember one evening when I took my trash out, turning around and seeing more than one person leaning over the balcony to see if I was recycling.

*Photo by epSos.de, Creative Commons

Legalism isn’t just a problem for Christians, it seems. And neither is self righteousness.

But it’s a deceptive term.

When people are self-righteous, they aren’t getting their sense of righteousness from themselves. They’re getting it from you.

That’s right. What happens when somebody is self righteous is they are actively comparing themselves to others and measuring themselves as a better keeper of the rules. Christian communities are loaded with these people because, well, we’ve got lots of rules. And not only do we have lots of rules, they’re rules established by God. That’s like crack for a person who is given to comparing themselves to others. The God-given rules translates into “God thinks I’m doing things more right than you.”

But here’s the catch. Self righteousness is a sin. It’s a dark sin. It’s up there with all the other dark sins like gluttony and fornication.

The problem is, very few get called on it.

In the economy of Jesus, those who are winning in an earthly religious system will finish last.

Jesus says they have their reward in full. What Jesus means by this is all the attention and praise self righteous people are getting on earth is all they’re going to get. That feeling of earthly fulfillment is their reward.

Why is self righteousness so annoying? Because when we are around it it makes us feel like “less than.” But not “less than” God, which is accurate, just less than the guy lording his good works over us.

So how do we deal with self righteous people?

We should be carefully honest.

When you sense somebody is self-righteous, you must tell them. We must say I feel your sin is self-righteousness. Please join the ranks of us sinners. Humble yourself before God.

To be sure, a self-righteous person will become irate. Their identity is wrapped up in the false idea they are not as much a sinner as so and so. But that is not our issue. Our issue is to call them to repentance, and secondly, to not think ourselves as better than they.

Who among us has not also been self-righteous?

What Is Self-Righteousness and Why Is It Annoying? is a post from: Storyline Blog

What is Self-Righteousness and Why is it Annoying?

Years ago I lived in a small condo with about twenty other tenants. They were mostly an older crowd, educated, dignified and retired.

During my first few months in the condo, I was watched like a new pet. I remember one evening when I took my trash out, turning around and seeing more than one person leaning over the balcony to see if I was recycling.

*Photo by epSos.de, Creative Commons

Legalism isn’t just a problem for Christians, it seems. And neither is self righteousness.

But it’s a deceptive term.

When people are self-righteous, they aren’t getting their sense of righteousness from themselves. They’re getting it from you.

That’s right. What happens when somebody is self righteous is they are actively comparing themselves to others and measuring themselves as a better keeper of the rules. Christian communities are loaded with these people because, well, we’ve got lots of rules. And not only do we have lots of rules, they’re rules established by God. That’s like crack for a person who is given to comparing themselves to others. The God-given rules translates into “God thinks I’m doing things more right than you.”

But here’s the catch. Self righteousness is a sin. It’s a dark sin. It’s up there with all the other dark sins like gluttony and fornication.

The problem is, very few get called on it.

In the economy of Jesus, those who are winning in an earthly religious system will finish last.

Jesus says they have their reward in full. What Jesus means by this is all the attention and praise self righteous people are getting on earth is all they’re going to get. That feeling of earthly fulfillment is their reward.

Why is self righteousness so annoying? Because when we are around it it makes us feel like “less than.” But not “less than” God, which is accurate, just less than the guy lording his good works over us.

So how do we deal with self righteous people?

We should be carefully honest.

When you sense somebody is self-righteous, you must tell them. We must say I feel your sin is self-righteousness. Please join the ranks of us sinners. Humble yourself before God.

To be sure, a self-righteous person will become irate. Their identity is wrapped up in the false idea they are not as much a sinner as so and so. But that is not our issue. Our issue is to call them to repentance, and secondly, to not think ourselves as better than they.

Who among us has not also been self-righteous?

What is Self-Righteousness and Why is it Annoying? is a post from: Storyline Blog

Are Your Shortcuts Actually Saving You Time?

The other day I was standing behind an elderly man at the post office. After he slowly made his way to the counter he said to the postal worker, “I’ll take 2 sheets of every stamp you’ve got.” The postal worker responded hesitantly, “Oh. Ok, um, well—that’s a lot of stamps… how about I walk you through all the different kinds we have?”

“Sure,” the elderly man responded.

The postal worker proceeded to show him every stamp sheet, and he nodded to everything from Harry Potter to flower species themed stamps with “Mhm, yep. I’ll take two sheets.”

He bought $150 worth of stamps.

The postal worker joked that he wouldn’t need to make a post office trip for awhile. The elderly man chuckled, “yeah, I reckon these should last me at least a week.” He then turned his head toward me, smiled wryly and gave a wink before disappearing through the exit doors.

Ok last part didn’t happen. But the old man’s transaction intrigued me nonetheless. He looked to be in his early 90s, maybe hoping to only have to make this one last trip to the post office before meeting Jesus (I mean amen, can you blame him?).

But I walked away from the post office feeling like I’d witnessed something more poetic.

I wondered about his initiative.

I wondered if maybe this stamp splurge was the old man’s effort to save time on the mundane task of frequenting the post office in order to give more time to things that matter (like writing letters to the people he loves). And what if these stamps were his invested accountability to put more words to paper, to send more thank yous, to tell some 300+ people what he thinks about them before he goes.

I know this is a lot to assume about a total stranger stocking up on stamps at the post office. But it got me thinking. What if we were more intentional about what we do with the time we save? What if instead of taking every shortcut, we took more of the shortcuts that allow us the time and accountability for things that matter? Like buying lots of stamps and writing more notes to those we love?

We’re skilled at saving time.

But I can’t tell you how many shortcuts I’ve taken to get things done faster, only to end up on the couch scrolling through my social media feeds and eating spoonfuls of peanut butter from the jar.

We rush through so much of life without real intent. We’re in an age where “the quicker the better” has become a cultural principle, driving our investments, our technological advancements, which line we stand in and even how we choose to interact with others.

And for what? It allows us more time with our loved ones, right? Time to host friends, time to write and reflect—at least, these are the types of things we tell ourselves all the hustle and bustle will allow.

What will we do with the time we save?

In all the rushing and working ahead, we’re often left exhausted and uninspired.

The effort to save time becomes soul sucking and we become a lot more like machines and lot less like the available people we’re trying to become.

Next time you find yourself taking a shortcut, buying in bulk or rushing through life, ask what it’s going to afford you. Are you really going to use that saved time as accountability to do something life giving or are you just piling more on and wearing yourself out?

Let’s live life more like the elderly man saving time to write more love letters, and less like hamsters on a wheel.

Are Your Shortcuts Actually Saving You Time? is a post from: Storyline Blog

The Importance of Showing Up in Small Ways

I was sitting across the stage on a panel with my good friend Ed. He was talking about his upbringing—his violent stepdad and the mean, junkyard dog his mom got to protect them.

Then I asked Ed about his mentor, George. Ed just looked at me and pressed his lips together. Tears arose. His hand, holding the microphone, started shaking.

Ed was slow to find words.

So I said, “I love how George was there for you. He loved you. Protected you and your brother. Two weeks ago, you and your brother were in the family photo with George, two decades after meeting him.”

Ed said George was not a perfect guy. He had plenty of rough edges. Cussed some. But maybe a rough-edged man was the perfect guy to protect Ed. George showed up for Ed and his brother. Wrestled with them. Hunted with them. Listened to them. Talked to them about dating and getting jobs. He loved them.

Don shared next.

He talked about David, who showed up and named him a writer. When Don talked about David, he choked up. Later, Josh teared up. So did Rosanna. So did a single mom named Wanda. Nearly every speaker teared up, including me. Why?

The people who mean the most to us are those who show up in our lives.

In all the stories shared, there have been quiet, unseen forces of love shaping the outcome. They are the forces that anchor us. Forces that root us. Forces that love us ferociously, protect us bravely, and accept us unconditionally.

This love is more powerful than words or promises.

When someone shows up for us, they echo the divine promise that says, “I am with you.”

This is the Great Promise—that although we screwed up and made a universal muck of things—God fights to be with us. He shows up in the runny mess of life, in the stacks of late bills, in the car wrecks, and the inevitable tears of loss.

This changes everything. We don’t have to be talented. We don’t have to know the latest bands, newest haircuts, or fashion tides. We can slow down, turn off our phones, see the person right in front of us, and be fully present.

Our calling is the person right in front of us.

But I often focus on the invisible audience.

There is a growing crowd “out there” looking at me and I often want to dance. Take the right selfie. Show my best side. My significance and meaning is suddenly found somewhere “out there.” I want to be more and do more.

So I construct my life to impress, lobbing prizes to the imaginary crowd in hopes they’ll clap and cheer. Once they cheer loud and long enough, I may then find what I’m looking for.

Maybe a better plan is to throw down the microphone and leap into the crowd. Or maybe not even leap at all. Maybe just quietly exit stage left and regard the first guy I see. To see him not as an interruption but as an addition. Perhaps then, my life will echo the promise that says, “I am with you.”

And maybe, in some small way, I will become a loving force for good. Like David. Like George.

The Importance of Showing Up in Small Ways is a post from: Storyline Blog

Why Jesus Asks Us to Be More Trusting

I love Eugene Peterson’s translation of Matthew 6:

Jesus says, “Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have.”

So here’s a confession. I often live in the darkness.

I often do not trust people.

In the world of Facebook and Twitter where you can get criticized on the hour, distrust is easy to build. But the truth is, people are much more kind than we’d assume.

Awhile back I went to the local playground to walk my dog. It’s normally empty and Lucy loves to run around and chase a ball in the small, fenced area. On this particular day, though, a bunch of kids came walking up, loudly shouting, laughing and just goofing off. My first response was to get out of there. I didn’t want them to hurt Lucy.

As they came in, though, one of them brought me the leash I’d left by the gate and another asked if he could throw the ball for me. Then a kid named Jeremiah sat down next to me and told me he wanted to work with animals after he graduated from college. I probably spent the better part of an hour with the kids. They asked why we’d never met if I lived in the neighborhood and I told them I’d just moved in.

They welcomed me.

I couldn’t believe it. I think there was only one potential jerk on the playground that day, and it was me.

I like what Jesus said. Essentially, if you’re a jerk, you’ll look around and see jerks, but if you’re open, trusting and vulnerable, jerks will be rare. Most people will be just as bright to you as you are to them.

I know it’s scary, but Jesus wants us to view the world with an open heart and an open mind, not close-fisted against it, but open and accepting, letting the light in and sending it out.

Why Jesus Asks Us to Be More Trusting is a post from: Storyline Blog

What People Will Remember About You

I’m 32, and to be honest, retirement feels a long way away. You know, like four decades away. The other day I couldn’t even wrap my mind around the concept when our staff gathered to celebrate a retiring coworker.

As we honored Joe and everything he means to us, I found myself thinking about what the end of my career story might look like. As people shared their favorite Joe memories, I realized I had it all wrong.

I get so caught up in what I’m trying to accomplish that I forget who I’m trying become.

And that’s a mistake.

At Joe’s retirement partly, nobody focused on the things he accomplished in 18 years of faithful service.

Do you know what they talked about? Do you know what they remembered?

They remembered that he was always kind to them in a thousand small ways, hidden from the view of the crowd. He treated them with warmth and dignity and grace. As they shared stories of his gentleness, patience, and generosity.

My out-of-whack priorities almost made me blush.

I’ve allowed myself to belief that living a good story is about accomplishing something grandiose. And that’s partly true — dreams and goals are meant to be pursued, I suppose. But let us not forget that people are meant to be loved and relationships are meant to be cultivated. None of this is integrated into our project management software, but it’s true nonetheless.

Look, you will achieve wonderful things over the course of your story.

Of this I am sure.

Buildings will be built, children will be taught, records will be broken, and books will be published. Please do those things — because the world needs them — but remember that those things won’t matter most to the people who matter most to you.

At the end of your story, strangers will celebrate you for what you’ve done. Your friends and family will celebrate you for who you are.

What People Will Remember About You is a post from: Storyline Blog