Sherry Ellis's Blog, page 87

Getting a Little Exercise

I was washing dishes when a certain three foot tall individual ran past me.  Five seconds later, he did it again.  And again.

"Bubba," I said.  "What are you doing?"

"Running!" he said whipping by.

"I can see that.  But why are you running in circles around the house?  That's a good way to get hurt."

"I need exercise."

Exercise?  "Dude, if you wait until it stops raining, you can exercise all you want outside."

"But Mama, I have to fill in the chart."

"What chart?"

"The exercise chart from school.  We have to exercise for thirty minutes every day.  And if I try to wait for it to stop raining, it might not ever stop.  So I'm doing indoor exercise."

And off he went to run in circles for another twenty minutes while I sat and watched.

Alien Mama

Let me begin my first explaining that my son is color-blind.  (This is the reason for the pink teddy bear on his bed.)

Today he came up to me and stuck his face right up to mine.  "Mama, you look like an alien."

"What makes you say that?" I asked.  I thought maybe it had something to do with my duck bill and three eyeballs.

Not quite.  "Your eyes are neon purple with green specks," he said.

"Really?"  I walked over to a mirror for a closer inspection.  They looked rather blue to me.

"Yeah, Mama.  What planet are you from?"

"I thought the same one you're from - Earth."

"No, Mama.  You're not from Earth."  He walked over to the phone and handed it to me.  "You'd better phone home and find out where you're from."

Okay, then.  (So ladies and gentlemen, if I find out what planet I'm from, I'll give you the news update.)

Evil Leprechaun

A few days ago, my son made a leprechaun trap for a school project.  He took it to school and waited to see if a leprechaun would show up.  One did.  And he wasn't very nice!

"Mama," my son said when he came home from school.  "The leprechaun destroyed my trap!"

"Really?' I said.  "What did he do?"

"He ripped off the door and bashed a hole through the wall."

"It sounds like he was mad!" I said.

"Yeah.  And do you know what else?"

"What else?"

My son grinned.  "He pooped in there!"

I looked at that kid.  "Seriously?"

"Yeah.  There was a sparkly turd on the floor."

I tried not to laugh.  "Oh.  Well, I guess even leprechauns have to go potty.  Next time design the trap with a bathroom!"

(The leprechaun did leave a nice green bead necklace.  I guess that's the least he could do after all the trouble he caused!)

Dinner Music

"Mama," my eight-year-old son said.  "I think we should light some candles for dinner."

Apparently tuna noodle casserole was bringing out the romantic side of the little man.  "Okay, Bubba," I said.  "I'll light some candles."

After the candles were lit, we sat down to eat. 

"Mama?"

"Yes, Bubba?"

"We need a little music to go with the candle light dinner."

Of course.  "What kind of music would you like?"

He thought about that for a minute and then got up and went to the phone.  He pressed a button to activate the ring tone.  It was "Liebestraum" by Franz Liszt.  "Perfect," he said. (He didn't even seem to mind that he had to get up every ten seconds to continue the music.)

Such was our candlelight dinner.  So ladies and gentlemen, if you want a perfectly romantic dinner, make yourself some tuna noodle casserole, light a few candles, and grab your phones!

Leprechaun Trap

My son came home from school with an important project:  to construct a leprechaun trap.

"How are you going to trap a leprechaun?" I asked.

"You'll see." The boy went to work armed with a shoebox, magic marker, yarn, and sticky tape.  About twenty minutes later, he showed up with the creation pictured above.  "Do you like my trap?"

I looked at that thing.  He had carved out a door and drawn a nice little house - complete with furniture inside.  He had also constructed an elaborate string pulley system with the yarn.  "How does it work?" I asked.

"The leprechaun is going to see the sign for free gold.  (These signs are posted all around the house with arrows leading to the door.)  He's going to walk in the open door to get the gold.  But I'm going to be behind the house.  As soon as he's in, I'm going to pull the yarn, and the door is going to close.  Little green man is going to be trapped inside!"  Bubba demonstrated. To my surprise, it worked perfectly.

So now we have to wait for a leprechaun to show up. (And of course, what leprechaun can resist free gold?) Hopefully it will be when someone is there to operate the trap.  I'll let you know how that goes!    

 

Right Church, Wrong Pew

Yesterday, I pulled my son out of school for an orthodontist appointment.  We showed up at the office, and the receptionist looked at me like I had three eyeballs.  "I don't think you're supposed to be here."

"But I wrote it on the calendar," I said.

"Well, the computer is down, so I can't check for sure.  But I really don't think you're supposed to be here." 

"Okay,"  I said.  "Should I take him back to school?"

"No.  We'll fit him in."

After the appointment, the receptionist had the computer up and running.  "Let's see when you were actually supposed to be here."  She typed a few things in.  "Uh, huh," she said.  "You were supposed to be here last Tuesday.  Same time.  Same place."

"Oh,"  I said.  "Sorry."

"That's okay, girl.  You were at the right church.  You just had the wrong pew."

Story of my life!  

Closet Raid

Today is picture day at school.  This morning, my eleven-year-old daughter went through her closet, looking for something to wear. "Mom, I don't have anything good for picture day."

I walked in her room and checked out the situation.  "You have plenty of clothes."  I pulled a few tops out. 

"I can't wear those!" she exclaimed.

"Why not?"

"They're not fashionable," she said, and then added, "We have to go shopping."

"Girlfriend," I said.  "It's seven o'clock in the morning.  You're not going shopping.  Just find something!"

Ten minutes later she came downstairs.  I looked at the girl.  The top she had on looked kind of familiar.  "Isn't that mine?" I asked.

"Yeah.  It was the most decent thing I could find."

(So, I guess I'm not so unfashionable after all! )  

Bubba Gump

We watched the movie, Forrest Gump, yesterday.  My son, Bubba, thought it was great.  (He especially liked the part where Forrest was on his big run, and he decided he was tired and wanted to go home.)

My husband thought he'd have a little fun at the dinner table.  "Bubba, talk like a southerner."

"Howdy.  My name is Bubba, and I like shrimp," Bubba said.  It was quite a good southern drawl.

"That's good, Bubba.  Are you going to get a shrimp boat?" I asked.

"Yep."

"Where are you going to put it?"

Bubba giggled. "In your head."

All right, then.  It can sit in there with all the other weird characters.  There's plenty of room now that I've lost my mind!  

Tea Party

Do you remember a couple of weeks ago when my son made a teapot?  Well, here it is:



And today we had a tea party.

"Mama, we need some tea," Bubba said.  "What flavors do we have?"

I went through the list. He chose Mandarin Orange Spice.

"We need some cake, too," he added.

"We don't need cake," I said.

"Yes, we do," my daughter chimed in.

"Then you make it," I said.

So she did.  It was yellow cake with chocolate syrup and white and brown chocolate chips.  It was the most lopsided, messy creation I had ever seen.

"This is the best tea party ever!" my son said as we all sat down to enjoy it.

I had to agree, because all I had to do was operate the stove and oven! 

Face Mask

"Mom, I need some honey," my eleven-year-old daughter said.

"Why?" I asked.

"You'll see."

I figured she was going to conduct some kind of scientific experiment.  I gave her the honey and went off to do my business.

Ten minutes later, she and my son waltzed into the room and stood next to me.  They had a big grin plastered on each of their faces. And something else.

"What the heck is on your face?" I asked my daughter.

"Honey.  And sugar.  And vitamin E capsules."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, mom.  It's a face mask, and it's going to make our faces really soft."

Just then, our German Shepherd Schultz joined the party.  He sat down and cocked his head.  His big old nose started sniffing.

"I think he wants to eat your face masks," I said.

My kids' eyes got big.  They screamed and took off.  And Schultz charged after them.

So much for the face mask!