Sherry Ellis's Blog, page 53

World's Ugliest Birthday Cake

Yesterday was Bubba's tenth birthday.  To celebrate the occasion, I baked him a cake.  A Minecraft cake, since the boy is totally obsessed with the game.

I wasn't quite sure how to do it, but I figured it would have to have to be squarish in shape, have square pixels thingies, and have many layers that look like they had been crafted. I put on my thinking cap and baked a couple of cakes.  I cut  them up into smaller squares and made some layers.  Then I cut up chocolate candy pieces, fashioning them into square pixel looking thingies.  When I was finished, I showed my masterpiece to my son.  "What do you think?"

He looked at it and scratched his head.  "What is it?"

"Isn't it obvious?"  I asked.  "It's a mountain biome from Minecraft."  

He nodded slowly.  "Yeah. It kind of looks like that.  But I think it looks more like a mushroom biome.  You need to add some grass."

I took the kid's advice and made some green grass with the frosting.  I slopped it on at the base of the mountain.

"There.  Is that better?"  I asked.

"Yeah.  But it still looks like an epic disaster.  Here.  Let me fix it."  The kid grabbed some sugar numbers and applied them to the cake:  9 1 1.  "It's an emergency situation.  It's calling for help."

I scowled at the kid.  "Fine.  I'll go get help." I went down into the basement and found a Lego Princess Leah.  I brought her upstairs and placed her on the cake. "There.  Now it's fixed!"

(Unfortunately, Bubba did not agree.  He named my creation, "The Ugliest Cake in the World."  But it sure was good!)

Here it is:

Laundered Money

I never check the pockets of my family's pants before I throw them into the wash.  I expect them to do that.  Maybe that's expecting too much.  Yesterday, I found all of the contents of my husband's wallet strewn across the kitchen table.  And of course, everything was wet.

My husband walked into the room.  "Woman, when are you going to stop laundering money?"

I shrugged.  "Either when you start emptying your pockets, or when the police come and take me away.  Whichever comes first!"

So, ladies and gentlemen. If I suddenly disappear from the blogosphere, you know that I have been caught and thrown in the brig for all of my shenanigans!
 

Be cool. Stay in school.

I'll share one more story from the recent road trip Bubba and I took.  This one involves a little incident at a Subway restaurant (different from the one in front of the Georgia Winery).

Once again, I was overtired.  I had been driving from Atlanta to Cincinnati for over twelve hours, in the rain. (Which I can't say was a lot of fun.)  And you know, when I'm overtired, I do crazy things (see last post).

When I saw the Subway sign, I knew it was time to stop.  We ordered our meals, sat down and began to eat.  The radio was playing.  Soon I was bobbing my head to the beat.  Next song was one from the movie, Pitch Perfect.  Needless to say, I couldn't keep still.  After being cooped up in a car for twelve hours, I had to move.  Dancing was the thing to do.  I busted a move.  Pretty soon Bubba got in the groove.  We looked like a couple of lunatics dancing at our table.  I'm sure the worker behind the counter was most amused.

A couple of old ladies happened to be at the counter, ordering their meals.  They saw Bubba and me.  (They pretended not to be amused, but I could tell they were loving it.)  On their way out, one of the ladies said, "Hey kiddos, stay in school!"

I looked at Bubba.  He looked at me.

"Kiddos?"  I said.  "Did she just call me a kiddo?"

"Yeah, Mama.  You're a kiddo.  Even though you're old, you act like a kiddo.  So you should act your age, or stay in school!"

Yes, sir!

Crazy Mama

This past weekend, my son and I went up to Ohio for my dad's birthday, and for my high school 25 year class reunion.  We didn't fly.  We drove.  Which was completely nuts!  It took fourteen hours to get there, and a little over twelve to come back.

Near the end of our trip, we made a stop for dinner - at Subway.  Behind the Subway shop, was the Georgia Winery.  I knew I had to go there!

"Bubba," I said.  "We're going to make a little stop at the winery before we leave."

He looked at me funny.  "Okay, Mama.  Whatever."

Then I got a funny look in my eye.  "And do you know what else?"

"What else, Mama?"

"I'm going to play my violin over there."

He nearly choked on his sandwich.  "You are not!"

"Yep, I am."

He grinned.  "That's insane!  Mama, you're just overtired and acting immature!"

I giggled.

He giggled.

Pretty soon we were both laughing really hard.

"Okay, come on.  I'm going to play!"  I got up, went back to the car, and grabbed my violin.  I walked over to the winery, where a bunch of people were standing around in the parking lot.  And I started playing.

My son shook his head.  "Mama, if the police come and arrest you, I'm going to tell them I had nothing to do with it!"


And guess what?  I have pictures to prove it.  So you who like pictures - don't fall off your chair for this!

                            Here's the sign above the entrance of the Georgia Winery.




                              Here's me playing some lovely Bach music outside the winery.





      And as an added bonus, here's me at my reunion Mass with a few of my former classmates.  (I played for it, which is why I had the violin in the first place!)

Schultz and the Sprinklers

Schultz thinks sprinklers are evil. (For those of you who don't know, Schultz is our devious hundred pound German Shepherd.)  Every time the sprinkler system goes on, he has to launch an attack.

Yesterday was the biggest battle of all.  About seven sprinkler heads popped out of the ground and began shooting jets of water all over the grass and gardens.  Schultz didn't like that one bit.  He charged on those sprinklers and tried to bite the water that was coming out.  Of course he ended up with a wet face.  Apparently, he didn't like having a wet face, because he rolled on the ground, trying to get the water off.

The sprinklers wouldn't let up.  While he was rolling, they doused him with more water.  Which made him even madder.  He got up, ran as fast as he could to the nearest sprinkler head, and ripped it out of the ground.  Then he chomped on it.  Until it was dead.

I won't tell you what my husband said about the whole thing.  But I will say that Schultz will not be allowed anywhere near sprinklers from now on!

    

Toddler Mama

My teenage daughter is taller than me, now.  And she's very proud of this fact.  Every day she likes to stand next to me and look down at me.

"Mom, you're short!" she said.  "You look like a toddler!"

"What do you mean, 'I look like a toddler'?"  I retorted.  "You're only a half inch taller than me!"

"You're tiny," she answered.  "Have you ever seen what you look like next to Dad?"

"Yes.  I'm shorter than your dad, but I don't look like a toddler!"

"Do too!" she said.

"Do not!"  I replied.

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

My daughter grinned at me. "And you're acting like one, too!"

(But she started it!)


  

Soulless Cover Reveal and Spaghetti Sliders

Before I start my story, I have to tell you about the cover reveal of my blog friend, Crystal Collier's new book, Soulless.  Isn't it pretty?  Congratulations, Crystal!  I'm looking forward to the release in October!




SOULLESS, Book 2 in the Maiden of Time trilogy
Alexia manipulated time to save the man of her dreams, and lost her best friend to red-eyed wraiths. Still grieving, she struggles to reconcile her loss with what was gained: her impending marriage. But when her wedding is destroyed by the Soulless—who then steal the only protection her people have—she’s forced to unleash her true power.
And risk losing everything.
What people are saying about this series: 
"With a completely unique plot that keeps you guessing and interested, it brings you close to the characters, sympathizing with them and understanding their trials and tribulations." --SC, Amazon reviewer
"It's clean, classy and supernaturally packed with suspense, longing, intrigue and magic." --Jill Jennings, TX
"SWOON." --Sherlyn, Mermaid with a Book Reviewer
Crystal Collier is a young adult author who pens dark fantasy, historical, and romance hybrids. She can be found practicing her brother-induced ninja skills while teaching children or madly typing about fantastic and impossible creatures. She has lived from coast to coast and now calls Florida home with her creative husband, three littles, and “friend” (a.k.a. the zombie locked in her closet). Secretly, she dreams of world domination and a bottomless supply of cheese. You can find her on her blog and Facebook, or follow her on Twitter

Now for the story:
Last night, I made spaghetti for dinner.  I put the noodles on a plate, smothered them with spaghetti sauce, and delivered them to my kids.  Except I had a little problem.  The noodles were a little slippery.  So instead of staying on the plate, they slid right off onto the table.  It was a perfect pile of noodles and sauce.
"Mom!" my daughter exclaimed.  "What the heck!"
"Uh, yeah," I said.  "You've heard of hamburger sliders?  These are spaghetti sliders.  Enjoy!" 
I walked away, leaving my kids staring at me with open mouths.  
 

Reckless Pilot

"Mama," my nine-year-old son said.  "I'm going to be an Air force pilot when I grow up."

"That's nice, Bubba," I said.  "I thought you were going to be a meteorologist. What made you change your mind?"

"I got a big idea.  Do you want to know what it is?"

I nodded.  "Sure."

"I'm going to fly over your house real low, faster than the speed of sound."

I looked at that kid and raised my eyebrows.  "Faster than the speed of sound?"

"Yep.  Three times faster!"

"Can a plane go that fast?" I asked.

"Yes, ma'am.  Military planes can."

"I see.  And do you realize you will create a sonic boom, and blast all of the neighborhood window out?"

He grinned.  "That's why I want to do it!"

So, ladies and gentlemen.  In about fifteen years, if your windows are suddenly blown out by a sonic boom, you'll know who did it.  Good luck trying to catch him!

Stuck Under the Bed

Last night, after I tucked my son into bed, he requested a glass of water.  I went downstairs to get it, but when I came back upstairs, he wasn't in his bed.

Hmmm I thought. Where could he be?

I went around to the other side of the bed, and noticed a hand sticking out. "I wonder who that hand could belong to," I said.

Bubba giggled. He poked his face out and gave me a big grin.  "Would you have known I was here if you hadn't seen my hand?"

"Probably not," I said.  "I would've thought you took off to Timbuktu. Now get yourself out of there and get back into bed, please."

He tried.  But guess what? He was stuck!

"Are you getting a little big for fitting under the bed, Bubba?"

"No, Mama.  I just like it here.  I think I'll hang out like this a while."

"Are you sure you don't need help?"

He shook his head.

"Okay.  Goodnight."  I walked out of the room.

(I stood outside the door to make sure he could get out.  It took a few minutes, but he did.  I guess no more hiding under the bed for Bubba!)

A Little Too Much Hot Sauce

This morning, I made some scrambled eggs for my son.  I plopped them down on the table in front of him and sat down.

"Mama," he said.  "Could you please get me some salt, pepper, and hot sauce?"

"Sure, Bubba." I brought them out and watched as he poured a lot of hot sauce on the eggs.  I didn't say anything.

He took a bite.  Let me just say, the faces and sounds he made resembled something like a constipated gorilla.  He fanned his open mouth.  "Milk!" he gasped.

I chuckled and brought him some milk.

He gulped it down and put out the fire.

And then do you know what he did?  He added more pepper to the eggs!

"Dude," I said.  "I'm not sure that's such a great idea.  Pepper is kind of spicy.  Why don't you just scrape off the hot sauce?"

He shook his head.  "Pepper will neutralize the hot sauce."

"Whatever you say, Bubba."  I watched him take another bite.

Tears nearly came out of his eyes as the pepper and hot sauce lit his mouth on fire.

He gulped down more milk and looked at me sheepishly.  "Maybe you were right, Mama."

Uh huh.  Mamas are always right!