Sherry Ellis's Blog, page 50
September 18, 2014
A Terrifying Thing
Last night, my daughter was sitting at the kitchen table doing her homework. She happened to glance outside, and noticed our cat was doing something strange on the back deck. "What's he doing?" she asked.
She got up and went out to investigate.
Three seconds later, she came back inside, not really sure what the cat had been doing. As she stepped over the threshold, into the house, she happened to look down. Something caught her attention. She stooped down to pick it up, and then screamed.
Her eyes looked like saucers. "Oh my God....Oh my God....Oh my God!!!!" she shrieked, as she stood there shaking.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
She pointed under one of our chairs by the center island in our kitchen. "It's over there!"
"What is?" I asked as I went over to see what the heck had scared her so much.
I stooped down and noticed something green crawling up the island. It was an insect. A leaf bug. And it was very big.
"That's what scared you?" I asked. "A leaf bug?"
"I didn't know it was a bug. I thought it was a leaf when I picked it up!"
"'Well, come here and look at it. It's just a bug."
She came over slowly, looked at it, and ran off to the other room. "It's creepy!" she said.
I shrugged, got a glass, knocked it into the glass, and transported it back outside, where the cat could finish playing with it.
And that, ladies and gentlemen was the excitement at my house last night.
She got up and went out to investigate.
Three seconds later, she came back inside, not really sure what the cat had been doing. As she stepped over the threshold, into the house, she happened to look down. Something caught her attention. She stooped down to pick it up, and then screamed.
Her eyes looked like saucers. "Oh my God....Oh my God....Oh my God!!!!" she shrieked, as she stood there shaking.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
She pointed under one of our chairs by the center island in our kitchen. "It's over there!"
"What is?" I asked as I went over to see what the heck had scared her so much.
I stooped down and noticed something green crawling up the island. It was an insect. A leaf bug. And it was very big.
"That's what scared you?" I asked. "A leaf bug?"
"I didn't know it was a bug. I thought it was a leaf when I picked it up!"
"'Well, come here and look at it. It's just a bug."
She came over slowly, looked at it, and ran off to the other room. "It's creepy!" she said.
I shrugged, got a glass, knocked it into the glass, and transported it back outside, where the cat could finish playing with it.
And that, ladies and gentlemen was the excitement at my house last night.
September 16, 2014
Duck Milk
You would not believe some of the conversations I've had with my kids. Last night, I had a rather interesting one with my teenage daughter. I was helping her study for a science test which involved discussing the topic of reproduction.
"Did you know that men can produce milk?" she asked.
"No they can't!" I said.
"Yes, they can. Look." She pointed an article she found on the internet. "They have the hormones to do it. I bet if a baby sucked hard enough, some milk would come out."
I tried very hard not to laugh. "I bet in the whole history of the world, there has not been a single man who has produced one drop of milk for a baby!"
She was very insistent. "But they have the ducks to do it!"
The ducks?
(She quickly caught her mistake, and we both started laughing. So much for that study session!)
"Did you know that men can produce milk?" she asked.
"No they can't!" I said.
"Yes, they can. Look." She pointed an article she found on the internet. "They have the hormones to do it. I bet if a baby sucked hard enough, some milk would come out."
I tried very hard not to laugh. "I bet in the whole history of the world, there has not been a single man who has produced one drop of milk for a baby!"
She was very insistent. "But they have the ducks to do it!"
The ducks?
(She quickly caught her mistake, and we both started laughing. So much for that study session!)
September 15, 2014
Mister Fix-it
Yesterday afternoon, I was attempting to get the weeds out of our front flower beds. My husband saw me stooped down and came over to investigate. "What are you doing?" he asked.
"Weeding," I replied. "Except the ground is really hard, and I can't seem to get all of the roots."
"Oh," he said, and walked away, into the garage.
Two seconds later, a sprinkler head popped out of the ground. It was right where I was working. I bet you can guess what happened. Yes. The darn thing sprayed my face!
"Hey!" I shouted, dripping wet. "Why did you do that?"
He laughed. "I'm fixing it. The ground should be nice and soft now, so you can weed better!"
(Right. Thanks.)
"Weeding," I replied. "Except the ground is really hard, and I can't seem to get all of the roots."
"Oh," he said, and walked away, into the garage.
Two seconds later, a sprinkler head popped out of the ground. It was right where I was working. I bet you can guess what happened. Yes. The darn thing sprayed my face!
"Hey!" I shouted, dripping wet. "Why did you do that?"
He laughed. "I'm fixing it. The ground should be nice and soft now, so you can weed better!"
(Right. Thanks.)
September 12, 2014
Making a Minecraft Server
"Mama," my ten-year-old son said. "Can you make a Minecraft server for me?"
I looked at that kid funny. "Dude, I can make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but I think a Minecraft server is a little out of my league."
"But it's easy. I know you can do it!" He dragged me over to the computer and pulled up a site on how to make a server. "Read this!"
I did. And it looked like Greek to me. There was no way I was going to be able to create a server to hold an entire Minecraft world. I wrote down the instructions and proceeded to fumble my way through it. I did okay. But then I got to the fine print. The part where they wanted money. "Bubba," I said. "This is going to cost a lot of money each month!"
"But I think there's a free one," he said.
I looked at the terms for that one. "Yeah. It's free, but as soon as you shut off your computer, the server is going to disappear. What good is that? There's no way I'm doing all this work to have it disappear!"
"Please?"
"No!"
End of story!
Now for a little something else: I did a radio interview (a very short one) about Solving the Hunger Problem. If you'd like to listen, you can find it here. It's episode 20. (I have not been able to listen to it, and have been told the problem is with my computer. If anyone else has problems listening, please let me know! Hopefully it turned out okay!)
I looked at that kid funny. "Dude, I can make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but I think a Minecraft server is a little out of my league."
"But it's easy. I know you can do it!" He dragged me over to the computer and pulled up a site on how to make a server. "Read this!"
I did. And it looked like Greek to me. There was no way I was going to be able to create a server to hold an entire Minecraft world. I wrote down the instructions and proceeded to fumble my way through it. I did okay. But then I got to the fine print. The part where they wanted money. "Bubba," I said. "This is going to cost a lot of money each month!"
"But I think there's a free one," he said.
I looked at the terms for that one. "Yeah. It's free, but as soon as you shut off your computer, the server is going to disappear. What good is that? There's no way I'm doing all this work to have it disappear!"
"Please?"
"No!"
End of story!
Now for a little something else: I did a radio interview (a very short one) about Solving the Hunger Problem. If you'd like to listen, you can find it here. It's episode 20. (I have not been able to listen to it, and have been told the problem is with my computer. If anyone else has problems listening, please let me know! Hopefully it turned out okay!)
September 10, 2014
World's Worst Tooth Fairy
My husband is not the tooth fairy. I know this for a fact. A couple of nights ago, some time after 11:00 PM, my son lost his tooth. Or I should say, yanked it out. He proudly marched downstairs and presented the bloody thing to my husband, who was still watching TV.
"Make sure the tooth fairy comes, Dad!" Bubba said.
Well, the tooth fairy didn't come, because the tooth fairy was already in bed, and had no idea that she was needed on the job.
The next morning, when I was making breakfast, my daughter came downstairs. "Mom," she said. "Dad forgot to be the tooth fairy. You need to get up there and do it!"
"Bubba lost a tooth?" I asked.
"Yeah. He woke me up, so I heard all about it," she said.
I quickly found some cash in my purse and rushed upstairs to take the tooth. Fortunately, the boy was still sleeping.
Ten minutes later, I officially woke him up. Of course, he had to check to see if the tooth fairy came. He was quite pleased when he saw the cash. "I guess Dad's not the world's worst tooth fairy," he said.
Right!
"Make sure the tooth fairy comes, Dad!" Bubba said.
Well, the tooth fairy didn't come, because the tooth fairy was already in bed, and had no idea that she was needed on the job.
The next morning, when I was making breakfast, my daughter came downstairs. "Mom," she said. "Dad forgot to be the tooth fairy. You need to get up there and do it!"
"Bubba lost a tooth?" I asked.
"Yeah. He woke me up, so I heard all about it," she said.
I quickly found some cash in my purse and rushed upstairs to take the tooth. Fortunately, the boy was still sleeping.
Ten minutes later, I officially woke him up. Of course, he had to check to see if the tooth fairy came. He was quite pleased when he saw the cash. "I guess Dad's not the world's worst tooth fairy," he said.
Right!
September 7, 2014
Remembering Tina Downey
On August 23, 2014, the blogging community lost a very special lady. Tina Downey struggled with pulmonary hypertension, hypoglycemia, and sever asthma. But did she let that get in the way of being cheery and supportive? No way! Tina was one of the most supportive, funny people in the blogosphere, and she always had great things to say in her comments.
So we in the blogging community are remembering this awesome person and celebrating the life we were so privileged to share.
I planted these sunflowers for you, Tina! Thanks for brightening our days!
September 5, 2014
Canine Resemblance
Yesterday, our giant hundred pound German Shepherd, Schultz, came up to me wanting a little attention. He stuck his enormous head in my lap and looked at me. That meant, "pet me." So I did.
My daughter walked into the room. "Awww," she said. "Your baby loves you!"
I looked at the big hairy thing. And then I looked at my daughter. "Schultz is not my baby!"
"Yes, he is, Mom."
I shook my head. "I have no recollection of ever having given birth to this thing!"
My daughter grinned. "But he looks just like you. He's a hairy cutie-pie!"
My daughter walked into the room. "Awww," she said. "Your baby loves you!"
I looked at the big hairy thing. And then I looked at my daughter. "Schultz is not my baby!"
"Yes, he is, Mom."
I shook my head. "I have no recollection of ever having given birth to this thing!"
My daughter grinned. "But he looks just like you. He's a hairy cutie-pie!"
September 3, 2014
Crazy Mama
I'm not talking about me (I'm not crazy, am I?). I'm talking about my mom. (Which if you answered "yes" to the last question, would explain a few things.)
My mom is an incredibly awesome, fun-loving person who has this terrific zest for life. This woman knows how to live. She's been all over the world, and has done so many things.
So when I was talking to her this morning, she had some exciting news to share. "I'm going zip-lining!" (She's sixty-five years old, in case you were wondering.)
"That's awesome!" I said. Then I told her that was on my bucket list.
"Too bad you don't live closer," she said. "Then we could do it together!"
"Yeah," I agreed. "We'd have a blast doing a lot of things!" Then I thought about the rest of my bucket list. "Hey, do you want to go sky diving?"
She laughed. "That's not real high on my bucket list. But maybe if I get Alzheimer's I'll do it, because I'll think I'm jumping off the sofa or something!"
Excellent. So maybe it'll look like this: One demented one-hundred and ten year old woman jumps out of an airplane with her crazy ninety-year-old daughter. . . Hopefully we'll remember our parachutes!
My mom is an incredibly awesome, fun-loving person who has this terrific zest for life. This woman knows how to live. She's been all over the world, and has done so many things.
So when I was talking to her this morning, she had some exciting news to share. "I'm going zip-lining!" (She's sixty-five years old, in case you were wondering.)
"That's awesome!" I said. Then I told her that was on my bucket list.
"Too bad you don't live closer," she said. "Then we could do it together!"
"Yeah," I agreed. "We'd have a blast doing a lot of things!" Then I thought about the rest of my bucket list. "Hey, do you want to go sky diving?"
She laughed. "That's not real high on my bucket list. But maybe if I get Alzheimer's I'll do it, because I'll think I'm jumping off the sofa or something!"
Excellent. So maybe it'll look like this: One demented one-hundred and ten year old woman jumps out of an airplane with her crazy ninety-year-old daughter. . . Hopefully we'll remember our parachutes!
September 2, 2014
Party Planning
It's almost time for my daughter's birthday. And she has some big ideas for her party. She's spent hours on her iPod, looking at party themes and decorating ideas.
"Mom," she said yesterday. "I've got it figured out. Here's what we need: First thing is a cabin."
I tried not to have a heart attack. "A cabin? We have to buy a cabin?"
"No," she explained. "Just rent one. Then we'll decorate it. Look at these cool pictures." She showed me a pink carpet walkway lined with carved pink and white painted pumpkins leading to the door. Pink and silver balloons were hanging everywhere. Inside were more pink and silver balloons along with some pretty fancy lighting and a professional-looking Chanel cake.
"Seriously?" I said. "Do you have any idea of how much that will cost?"
"What's my budget?" she asked.
"Definitely not enough to cover that!" I replied.
She looked disappointed. "Oh. I was hoping to hire a DJ, too."
Right.
(So we'll have this party with twenty of her friends at our house. We'll decorate the basement with pink and silver balloons. And we'll crank up the music real loud. We'll even have a manicure station so the ladies can paint their nails. And maybe, if she's really lucky, I'll get a pink carpet, roll it down the driveway and carve out a bunch of pumpkins to plop down next to it.)
"Mom," she said yesterday. "I've got it figured out. Here's what we need: First thing is a cabin."
I tried not to have a heart attack. "A cabin? We have to buy a cabin?"
"No," she explained. "Just rent one. Then we'll decorate it. Look at these cool pictures." She showed me a pink carpet walkway lined with carved pink and white painted pumpkins leading to the door. Pink and silver balloons were hanging everywhere. Inside were more pink and silver balloons along with some pretty fancy lighting and a professional-looking Chanel cake.
"Seriously?" I said. "Do you have any idea of how much that will cost?"
"What's my budget?" she asked.
"Definitely not enough to cover that!" I replied.
She looked disappointed. "Oh. I was hoping to hire a DJ, too."
Right.
(So we'll have this party with twenty of her friends at our house. We'll decorate the basement with pink and silver balloons. And we'll crank up the music real loud. We'll even have a manicure station so the ladies can paint their nails. And maybe, if she's really lucky, I'll get a pink carpet, roll it down the driveway and carve out a bunch of pumpkins to plop down next to it.)
August 29, 2014
Versatile Blogger Award
Kristen Smith nominated me for the Versatile Blogger Award. Thank you so much, Kristen!
I have received this award many times, and shared things about me. This time I'm going to do something a little different. I'm going to share some things on my bucket list. Here's what I want to do, that I haven't yet done:
1. Sky dive. (I almost did it this summer, but the weather wasn't so good. I didn't think it would be a great idea to jump out of an airplane in the middle of a thunderstorm!)
2. Zip-line (ideally through a Costa Rican rain forest.)
3. Go white water rafting.
4. Dive the Great Barrier Reef. (Can you believe I haven't done that?)
5. Set foot on all the continents.
6. Visit all fifty states.
7. Learn to speak French fluently. (I can read a fair amount, but I'm really pathetic when it comes to speaking it!)
8. Watch a shuttle launch.
9. Learn to tango. (I like to dance. Trouble is, I don't have a partner to dance with. Any volunteers?)
10. Ride a Gondola in Venice, Italy.
11. Ride an elephant. (I don't know why, but this seems like a cool thing to do.)
12. Go on an African Safari.
13. Visit Machu Picchu.
14. Tour the White House.
15. Take a helicopter ride over Kauai.
16. See a performance at the Sydney Opera House.
17. Hold a Koala bear.
18. Visit Area 51 and see if there are really aliens there.
19. Visit Mount Rushmore.
20. Tour the Neuschwanstein Castle.
I'm not tagging anyone, because I'm obviously not following any rules on this game. I think you're supposed to list 15 things about yourself, and then tag 15 people to do the same. If you want to do that, go ahead. Or if you want to do my version, feel free.
What's on your bucket list?
I have received this award many times, and shared things about me. This time I'm going to do something a little different. I'm going to share some things on my bucket list. Here's what I want to do, that I haven't yet done:
1. Sky dive. (I almost did it this summer, but the weather wasn't so good. I didn't think it would be a great idea to jump out of an airplane in the middle of a thunderstorm!)
2. Zip-line (ideally through a Costa Rican rain forest.)
3. Go white water rafting.
4. Dive the Great Barrier Reef. (Can you believe I haven't done that?)
5. Set foot on all the continents.
6. Visit all fifty states.
7. Learn to speak French fluently. (I can read a fair amount, but I'm really pathetic when it comes to speaking it!)
8. Watch a shuttle launch.
9. Learn to tango. (I like to dance. Trouble is, I don't have a partner to dance with. Any volunteers?)
10. Ride a Gondola in Venice, Italy.
11. Ride an elephant. (I don't know why, but this seems like a cool thing to do.)
12. Go on an African Safari.
13. Visit Machu Picchu.
14. Tour the White House.
15. Take a helicopter ride over Kauai.
16. See a performance at the Sydney Opera House.
17. Hold a Koala bear.
18. Visit Area 51 and see if there are really aliens there.
19. Visit Mount Rushmore.
20. Tour the Neuschwanstein Castle.
I'm not tagging anyone, because I'm obviously not following any rules on this game. I think you're supposed to list 15 things about yourself, and then tag 15 people to do the same. If you want to do that, go ahead. Or if you want to do my version, feel free.
What's on your bucket list?
