Sherry Ellis's Blog, page 56

A Different Kind of Jet Pack

My nine-year-old son was playing with the garden hose, again.  I watched as he sprayed a strong jet of water straight down, onto the driveway.

"Bubba?" I asked.  "What are you doing?  If you're going to use the water, at least water the grass or the plants."

"I'm making a jet pack," he answered.

"A jet pack?" I looked at that kid sideways.

"Yeah, Mama.  Watch how it works."  He sprayed the water onto the ground again and jumped up as he did it. "See?  It launched me into the air."

"Dude," I said.  "I think you launched yourself into the air!"

He shook his head.  "I did jump.  But, the the water made me go higher and stay up longer.  You try it."

I took the hose, sprayed the water and jumped. The only thing that was different from a regular jump, was that I got wetter.  "I don't think your hypothesis is correct."

He gave me a very serious look.  "Yes, it is.  You're just too heavy!"

Caterpillar War

Do you remember the cabbage my son brought home from school?  The one he was supposed to take care of, so it could be entered in a contest for the best cabbage?  Well, it's still alive.  Barely.  It's grown quite  bit larger, but it's a sorry sight with all the holes in it.

I took a look at the cabbage yesterday, to see if I could ascertain what the problem might be.  I didn't see any aphids flying around it, so I ruled out insects.  When I looked at the underside of one of the leaves, I found the culprit.  Or culprits. Tiny green caterpillars!  They were munching holes in those tasty green leaves.

"Dude," I called to my son.  "You have a little problem with your cabbage."

He came over.  "What?"

I showed him the cabbage moth caterpillars.

He frowned.  "This calls for war!"

He grabbed the garden hose and turned on the water to full jet spray.  He blasted the leaves with the water.  "Did I get them?"

I looked. "No. There are a few left.  And the ones that fell off, are still in the dirt."

That made him even madder.  He sprayed the heck out the dirt and the leaves, until it looked like the poor cabbage was going to drown.  "Did I get them now?"

I did a careful inspection, and could find no remaining caterpillars in the dirt or on the leaves.  "All clear," I said.

Bubba did a victory dance.  "I won!"

I looked at the kid.  "Are you sure about that?  Because I think you got even wetter than the caterpillars!"

The Tennis Match

Yesterday, I took my nine-year-old son to the tennis courts for a few rounds of tennis.  Let me tell you how that went.

I served the ball to him, and he missed.

"That doesn't count, Mama.  You weren't standing in the right place."

"What do you mean, I wasn't standing in the right place?" I retorted.  "I'm right where I'm supposed to be."

"No, Mama.  You're supposed to be in the green area."

I looked behind me.  "Dude.  The green area is outside of the court.  I'm not supposed to be in the green area.  I'm supposed to be in the blue area."

"Nope.  You're wrong.  A point for me."

I sighed.

The boy served the ball to me, and I hit it back.  He missed, and it bounced out of the court.

"Negative one," Bubba announced.

"What?  Negative one for you?" I asked.

"No.  Negative one for you.  You hit the ball while I was talking.  You're not allowed to do that."

The game when on this way.  By the end of it, Bubba's score was twenty, and my score was negative five hundred.

Can you believe it?  What kind of match was that?

Oy!
 

Mama, The Wild Thing

Yesterday, I took a little trip to the local nature center.  Nobody in my family wanted to come, so I went myself.  I picked up a hiking map, and embarked down the longest trail through the woods.  It was very peaceful.  Nobody else was on the trail.  It was just me and the wild creatures who lived out there.

About an hour into the hike, I heard the rumbling of thunder.  I looked up through the trees and saw that the skies were turning gray.  Rain was on the way.  I was going to continue my hike, but decided it would be best to turn back.

I didn't quite make it.  The rain came down.  The leaf canopy shielded me from some of it, but soon it became saturated.  Water ran off the leaves, drenching me from head to toe.

Hmmm, I thought.  Since I'm already wet, I think I'll just stay out here and see what else I can find.

So that's what I did.  I found an old graveyard and the ruins of an old settlement. I even saw a frog laying eggs.  I took pictures while the rain poured down.

When I was finished, I headed back to civilization.  I saw one intrepid little girl splashing in the puddles. She was as soaked as I was. She took one look at me, and started laughing.  So what did we do?  We splashed in the puddles together.  In the rain.

I made my way back to the nature center building and went inside.  A lot of people were in there, waiting for the rain to pass.  They all looked at me and chuckled.  I was sure I looked like quite a sight.

When I got to the car and looked in the rear view mirror, I laughed.  My makeup was running down my face, and my hair was a tangled, soaked mess.  I pulled a few leaves out of it.  I looked like a drowned raccoon!

When I got home, my husband shook his head.  "What are you doing here?  Wildlife is supposed to be left in the park!"

How to Know if You Have a Virus

"Mama," my nine-year-old son said.  "Do you know how to tell if you have a virus?"

I nodded.  "Usually you feel sick - you have a sore throat, a runny nose, headache and maybe a tummy ache.

Bubba shook his head.  "No, Mama.  That's not how you tell."

I looked at that kid.  "Okay, Bubba.  How do you tell?"

He lay down on the ground, face up. "You lay down just like this.  Then you put both of your hands over your belly.  Then somebody has to press down on them.  If you laugh, you're fine.  If you don't laugh, you have a virus.  So Mama, press down on my hands, and I'll show you how it works."

I shook my head and pressed down on his hands.

He giggled. "See, Mama?  No virus!"

(So ladies and gentlemen, if you ever think you might have a virus, do this simple test.  Then you'll know for sure!)

Baby Present

My daughter came home from school yesterday with this funny story:

Her teacher is pregnant.  And she looks like she's about to detonate any day now.  When one is that pregnant, one has to use the restroom pretty much all the time.  Believe me, I know!  While the teacher stepped out for such an occasion, the girls in the class decided to pull out some hair chalk and color their hair.  The operation got a little messy.  Soon yellow and pink chalk dust covered the floor.

Unfortunately, the girls were unable to clean up the mess before the teacher came back.  When she did, she was a little surprised.  "What's this?" she asked, surveying the colorful floor.

My daughter, the quick thinker, said, "We decorated the room in pink and yellow baby colors, because we know you're having a girl!  Do you like it?"

The Onion Experiment

You may recall, if you've been following me for a while, the trip to Vidalia, Georgia, for the Vidalia Onion Festival.  It was a really pathetic experience.  We saw a grand total of two bags of Vidalia onions in that place.  There were no blooming onion stands.  No onion rings.  No onion farms.  Nothing.  I'm talking an onion festival with virtually no onions.  So when we came home, we decided to have our own Vidalia Onion Festival.

It began with an onion experiment.

"Mama," my son said, picking up a large Vidalia onion we had purchased from the store.  "What would happen if we let this thing sit for a long time?"

"It would rot," I said.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

I nodded.  "Pretty sure."

"Can we find out?"

I looked at that kid.  "Fine, Bubba.  We'll put it in a bowl and let it sit here until it rots.  Okay?"

He was thrilled about that.

So, here we are, about six weeks later.  Our onion has sprouted, and is growing nicely:

 
"Can we grow more?"  Bubba asked.

"Sure.  We'll grow a thousand of them.  And then we'll invite all the folks from Vidalia, up here to Atlanta, and show them how a real onion festival is done!"

Giving Mama a Heart Attack

My kids like trying to startle me.  But it never usually works, because I have a rather calm disposition.  Yesterday, my son succeeded.  Let me tell you about it.

I was practicing the Walton Viola Concerto and was in one of my intense focus modes.  All of a sudden, something whizzed by my head.  And it sounded like a nuclear missile!

Let's just say, it's a darn good thing I didn't drop my viola, or my boy would've been in even bigger trouble!

"What was it?" you ask.  A Nerf bullet launched from my son's new Mega Nerf gun.  And  I kid you not, the sound that thing makes whistling through the air, is just like a missile!

Needless to say, he won't be playing with the Mega Nerf gun for a while!

Embarrassing Mama Mistake Number 253

Wasn't my son just mentioning that one of the reasons he loves me is because I make embarrassing mistakes?

Well, here's another one:

Yesterday, I was making chicken pot pie for dinner.  I put the filling in the pie crust and popped it into the oven.  I set the timer for 45 minutes.

Forty minutes later, my kids sat down at the kitchen table.  "When is dinner going to be ready?" they asked.

I looked at the timer. "Five minutes."

Oddly enough, I didn't smell the great smell of chicken pot pie. So I took a closer look. That's when I realized my embarrassing mistake number 253:  I had forgotten to turn on the oven!

How I Found The Write Path

Today, I'm participating in the How I Found the Write Path blogfest.  Carrie Butler over at So You're  a Writer, had the brilliant idea to compile a free ebook for writers just starting their road to publication. To help these folks, she's asking for advice from people who have been on the publishing path for a while.  This will come in the form of a letter from the future self to the self just starting.  So here's my entry, with some tips I've learned along the way.



Dear Self:

So, you want to write a book? Let me tell you a few things I’ve learned after ten years of stumbling around, trying to figure it out. The first step is to do a little research. Don’t just jump blindly into it like I did.  You’ll need to learn about publishers. There are all kinds of options:  Traditional publishers, subsidiary publishers and self-publishing.  A good book to help you learn about these options is, How to Publish and Promote Your Book, by L. Diane Wolfe. If you choose the traditional way (which I would recommend trying first because it’s rather expensive doing it the other ways), you’ll have to figure out which publisher is suitable for your work. Since you want to write children’s books, I’d recommend getting the book, Children’s Writers  and Illustrators Market.  Agents and publishers, along with their submission requirements, are listed.  Another great resource is www.querytracker.com.
   Of course before you can submit your manuscript, you’ll have to write it. And you’d better make sure it’s the best it can be. This means revise! Yes, the ugly “r” word. You might need to revise a hundred times before you get it right. Trust me. I know! The first draft is never good enough! I’d recommend joining a critique group. They can work wonders on helping you improve your writing skills. Don’t know where to begin? Join a local writing group. Since you’re a children’s writer, find the local SCBWI chapter and attend some meetings. You’ll make friends and learn great tips!
Once you’re happy with your manuscript, and it’s formatted correctly, don’t forget to get it edited – by a professional. Sure, it’ll cost some money, but it’s worth it. You can’t catch everything!
About the submission process – it’s long! Make sure you learn how to write a good query letter and synopsis. And follow the publisher’s directions. Then send. And wait. You may wait a while. And when you finally do get a response, it’ll probably not be what you want to hear. That’s the other ugly “r” word: “rejection.” Get used to it. It’s part of every writer’s experience. Don’t let it get you down. If you happen to get lucky and receive specific feedback from a publisher, consider it, and decide if you want to make the suggested changes. Sometimes they actually know what they’re talking about. Sometimes.
Eventually you’ll see your work in print. If you stick with it, you’ll get there one way or another. Then the fun begins. Marketing. It’s not over once you’re published.  Get ready for the marathon. Marketing is not something you do for a couple of weeks or months. It’s years. I’m talking the entire life of the book (or yours). Make sure you have established an online presence (Facebook, Twitter).  And blog. The blog community is wonderful. They’ll help you get the word out about your book. There are all kinds of things you can do to market – do blog tours, solicit reviews, enter contests and make book trailers. To learn about these and other things, get a book called, 1000 Ways to Market Your Books, by John Kremer. It’ll be your marketing Bible.
The path of a writer is not always easy. You can expect a lot of bumps along the way. But if you stick with it, the rewards are definitely worth it. Good luck!

Sincerely,Sherry EllisAuthor of That Mama is a Grouch
www.sherryellis.org


I give permission to use this entry in the e-book compilation.



So, what about you? Do you have any great tips you'd share with an author just starting out?