Sherry Ellis's Blog, page 140
July 19, 2011
Six Eyes
"Honey, I have a present for you!" my husband exclaimed . "It's kind of funny, but not really."
"Uh, oh," I thought. "This can't be good."
He pulled out a bag. "Tah-dah!"
I looked at him and shook my head. "You've got to be kidding."
It was a package of three pairs of reading glasses. He knew I had gone to the eye doctor and that the doctor said I'd be needing bi-focals soon.
"Three?" I asked.
"Yep. One for you, one for me, and one for when we lose a pair."
So now ladies and gentleman, I have six eyes: the pair God gave me that aren't working so well anymore, a pair of contact lenses, and a pair of reading glasses. Ah, the joys of getting older!
"Uh, oh," I thought. "This can't be good."
He pulled out a bag. "Tah-dah!"
I looked at him and shook my head. "You've got to be kidding."
It was a package of three pairs of reading glasses. He knew I had gone to the eye doctor and that the doctor said I'd be needing bi-focals soon.
"Three?" I asked.
"Yep. One for you, one for me, and one for when we lose a pair."
So now ladies and gentleman, I have six eyes: the pair God gave me that aren't working so well anymore, a pair of contact lenses, and a pair of reading glasses. Ah, the joys of getting older!
July 18, 2011
Stupidity
Well, my days of relative peace and quite have come to an end. The kids are back from Grandma's house, and chaos has resumed.
"Do you want to see something stupid?" my six-year-old son asked as he was eating his lunch.
"No. Not really," I replied.
I guess my answer really didn't matter because the next second he was pouring his Capri Sun juice onto his head.
I looked at him and shook my head. I could not believe what I had just seen.
"I hope that fly that's been buzzing around here lands on your head and lays some maggots on you for that one!"
"Do you want to see something stupid?" my six-year-old son asked as he was eating his lunch.
"No. Not really," I replied.
I guess my answer really didn't matter because the next second he was pouring his Capri Sun juice onto his head.
I looked at him and shook my head. I could not believe what I had just seen.
"I hope that fly that's been buzzing around here lands on your head and lays some maggots on you for that one!"
July 14, 2011
A Day of Pampering
A year and a half ago, my husband got me a wonderful Mother's Day gift: a gift certificate for an hour massage and manicure and pedicure at a local spa. I have been so busy, that I have been unable to use it. It was about to expire.
So today (my last day without the kids), I finally went in and had a marvelous treat. It was two and a half hours of relaxation. I almost didn't know what to do with myself.
I feel completely rested. My hands and nails look great. And all of those knots that were in my back and neck are gone. How marvelous. I could really get used to this!
So today (my last day without the kids), I finally went in and had a marvelous treat. It was two and a half hours of relaxation. I almost didn't know what to do with myself.
I feel completely rested. My hands and nails look great. And all of those knots that were in my back and neck are gone. How marvelous. I could really get used to this!
July 13, 2011
Sewing Badges
My kids have been at their grandparent's house for three days now. You would not believe how much I have gotten done! I love my kids, but it's nice not to hear, "Mama..., Mama....Mama" all day long.
One of the projects I had been putting off, was sewing my daughter's girl scout badges on her vest. I have to admit, it's a project I didn't look forward to. I remembered all the pricks my fingers got last year sewing those badges on!
So now, fifteen badges later, I look at my poor fingers. They've been pierced at least thirty times. It hurts to play my violin. It hurts to play my viola.
Hey girl scout badge maker people - could you try making badges that iron on and don't fall off?
One of the projects I had been putting off, was sewing my daughter's girl scout badges on her vest. I have to admit, it's a project I didn't look forward to. I remembered all the pricks my fingers got last year sewing those badges on!
So now, fifteen badges later, I look at my poor fingers. They've been pierced at least thirty times. It hurts to play my violin. It hurts to play my viola.
Hey girl scout badge maker people - could you try making badges that iron on and don't fall off?
July 12, 2011
Trouble Strikes Again
Yeah. This is about the dog again. Last night I went to bed around 11:30 PM. My husband decided to stay up and watch TV. I fell asleep and was rudely awakened by the sound of my husband yelling.
"What the heck?" I thought.
I went to investigate the situation. What I found was a distraught husband, moss from our ficus tree all over the family room floor, my husband's torn deck shoes, and a guilty looking pooch.
"Uh oh," I said. "Touble was at it again."
I'm still not sure how all of that happened. Maybe my husband fell asleep and the dog decided to trash the place.
That's not the end of the story. In the morning, I could not find my watch. I could have sworn I left it on the kitchen counter when I washed the dirt off of my hands and arms the previous evening. I searched everywhere. I was getting very frustrated.
Then I took out the dog for a potty break. He went right to my watch which was lying on the grass. How did it get there, and how did he find it?
He's either a hero or a cunning thief!
"What the heck?" I thought.
I went to investigate the situation. What I found was a distraught husband, moss from our ficus tree all over the family room floor, my husband's torn deck shoes, and a guilty looking pooch.
"Uh oh," I said. "Touble was at it again."
I'm still not sure how all of that happened. Maybe my husband fell asleep and the dog decided to trash the place.
That's not the end of the story. In the morning, I could not find my watch. I could have sworn I left it on the kitchen counter when I washed the dirt off of my hands and arms the previous evening. I searched everywhere. I was getting very frustrated.
Then I took out the dog for a potty break. He went right to my watch which was lying on the grass. How did it get there, and how did he find it?
He's either a hero or a cunning thief!
July 11, 2011
Doggy's New Trick
The kids are on vacation this week at their grandparents' house. That means a big break for me! Well, sort of. If I didn't have that darn dog, it would be perfect.
Do you know what that varmit did today? He learned a new trick. Good? No. Not good. He learned to pry the register vents off and throw his bone down the vent. He thought it was great! That's all I need - the house blowing up because a bone landed in the furnace!
So I had to yell at him, take away his bone, and throw him in his crate.
I think we should have named him Trouble.
Do you know what that varmit did today? He learned a new trick. Good? No. Not good. He learned to pry the register vents off and throw his bone down the vent. He thought it was great! That's all I need - the house blowing up because a bone landed in the furnace!
So I had to yell at him, take away his bone, and throw him in his crate.
I think we should have named him Trouble.
July 10, 2011
Gosh Darn Dog
A few days ago, our German Shepherd learned how to escape out of our fenced yard. This is the same dog that learned how to open the door and go outside when he was three months old. I'm telling you, this dog is a genious.
Today, my husband and I repaired the fence. It was a sweltering 97 degrees outside. My husband had hurt his hip, so it was up to me to do the heavy lifting. I had to lift the gate door off of its hinge. Then I had to haul it to a location where we could remove the metal wire that the darn dog had bent with his teeth. Of course the U-nails didn't want to come out. So my husband and I had to do some serious work with the crow bar to pry them out.
Meanwhile sweat was just pouring off of us. An hour later we had repaired the fence (after mounting additional wooden beams on the gate). I hauled the gate back on to the hinges. (You should see the muscles I'm getting from all the lifting I've been doing!)
"Release the beast!" my husband exclaimed.
We let the enormous dog out into the yard. What was the first thing he did? He went over to the gate and tried to chew on the new wooden beams.
Gosh darn dog!
Today, my husband and I repaired the fence. It was a sweltering 97 degrees outside. My husband had hurt his hip, so it was up to me to do the heavy lifting. I had to lift the gate door off of its hinge. Then I had to haul it to a location where we could remove the metal wire that the darn dog had bent with his teeth. Of course the U-nails didn't want to come out. So my husband and I had to do some serious work with the crow bar to pry them out.
Meanwhile sweat was just pouring off of us. An hour later we had repaired the fence (after mounting additional wooden beams on the gate). I hauled the gate back on to the hinges. (You should see the muscles I'm getting from all the lifting I've been doing!)
"Release the beast!" my husband exclaimed.
We let the enormous dog out into the yard. What was the first thing he did? He went over to the gate and tried to chew on the new wooden beams.
Gosh darn dog!
July 8, 2011
Follow at Your Own Risk
It was adventure day. On adventure day, I take my kids to some place we had never been before. Our destination was in Dayton, Ohio. I consulted MapQuest for directions and hit the open road.
Everything seemed to be going just fine, until the directions took us to a residential street that ended in a cul-de-sac. Destination was supposed to be at the end of the cul-de-sac.
"Um, something isn't right here," I said.
"No kidding," my precocious daughter replied. "Did you use MapQuest again?"
"Yep."
"Mommmm!"
I decided to ask for directions.
The first individual I met was a half-naked man on a riding mower. "Excuse me sir, can you tell me how to get to my destination. I seem to be lost."
After about a ten-minute explanation, we were on the road again.
We drove on, following the man's directions. I was beginning to think that the half-naked man on the riding mower was sending me on a wild goose chase. So I stopped in a gas station.
"I have no idea where that is," said the attendent when I inquired. Fortunately, a nice elderly gentleman overheard my inquiry.
"Take this road," he said pointing to the next street, "and it'll be on your right side."
Wonderful! After a few twists and turns and a detour down another street, we reached our destination.
On the way home we saw a car with a bumper sticker: "If you're following me, you're lost too!"
I need one of those!
Everything seemed to be going just fine, until the directions took us to a residential street that ended in a cul-de-sac. Destination was supposed to be at the end of the cul-de-sac.
"Um, something isn't right here," I said.
"No kidding," my precocious daughter replied. "Did you use MapQuest again?"
"Yep."
"Mommmm!"
I decided to ask for directions.
The first individual I met was a half-naked man on a riding mower. "Excuse me sir, can you tell me how to get to my destination. I seem to be lost."
After about a ten-minute explanation, we were on the road again.
We drove on, following the man's directions. I was beginning to think that the half-naked man on the riding mower was sending me on a wild goose chase. So I stopped in a gas station.
"I have no idea where that is," said the attendent when I inquired. Fortunately, a nice elderly gentleman overheard my inquiry.
"Take this road," he said pointing to the next street, "and it'll be on your right side."
Wonderful! After a few twists and turns and a detour down another street, we reached our destination.
On the way home we saw a car with a bumper sticker: "If you're following me, you're lost too!"
I need one of those!
July 7, 2011
Escape Artist
Our ninety-pound German Shepherd "puppy" pulled a Houdini move today. In the morning, I took him outside to do his business. Usually, I bring him in after that, but if he seems like he wants to stay outside and play, I let him run around our fenced yard while I go make breakfast. Today was one of those days. Our fence is a combination of wood and wire. We were sure that our enormous beast would be safely confined.
Wrong!
Our doorbell rang early this morning and our neighbor, not looking too happy, had our dog by the collar. Uh oh.
We checked our fence. Some of the wire had been pulled back. It was a small opening, but the beast was apparently able to get through. My husband got out some tools and hammered down the fence, supposedly securing it.
I let the dog out, throughout the day, observing what he would do. He tried to get through again, but it didn't seem like he could get under the fence. In the evening, I let the dog out in the back. Then I went in to do something else. Bad idea.
I happend to look out the window of my room. I noticed a small dog chasing a baby bird. I was about to go save the bird, when who should go bounding through the front yard, but our giant German Shepherd!
I could not believe it! He chased off the little dog (fortunately, he didn't notice the baby bird). Then he found a rabbit and chased that thing around and around a neighbor's house.
Of course the beast didn't obey any commands to come. Bad dog!
He finally lay down and I got the leash on him. That bad dog won't be going out unattended any time soon. How in the world does a giant 90 pound dog slip out of a hole that's maybe 5 inches wide and one inch tall? Unbelievable!
Wrong!
Our doorbell rang early this morning and our neighbor, not looking too happy, had our dog by the collar. Uh oh.
We checked our fence. Some of the wire had been pulled back. It was a small opening, but the beast was apparently able to get through. My husband got out some tools and hammered down the fence, supposedly securing it.
I let the dog out, throughout the day, observing what he would do. He tried to get through again, but it didn't seem like he could get under the fence. In the evening, I let the dog out in the back. Then I went in to do something else. Bad idea.
I happend to look out the window of my room. I noticed a small dog chasing a baby bird. I was about to go save the bird, when who should go bounding through the front yard, but our giant German Shepherd!
I could not believe it! He chased off the little dog (fortunately, he didn't notice the baby bird). Then he found a rabbit and chased that thing around and around a neighbor's house.
Of course the beast didn't obey any commands to come. Bad dog!
He finally lay down and I got the leash on him. That bad dog won't be going out unattended any time soon. How in the world does a giant 90 pound dog slip out of a hole that's maybe 5 inches wide and one inch tall? Unbelievable!
July 6, 2011
See What?
Today the kids and I visited the optometrist.
As we walked in the door, the bell rang, notifying everyone of our arrival. My son immediately immitated the sound of the bell. I knew he was in fine form.
We waited our turn.
Finally it was time for my little guy to sit in the big chair. The lights dimmed.
"Are you going to tell ghost stories? I think I see a ghost," the little guy said.
The optometrist looked at him funny. "What do you see on that wall?" he asked pointing to the letter chart.
"A bunch of dots and dashes," was the reply.
"Look real hard and tell me what you see."
The goofball had a fit of giggles, but finally managed to ascertain what was written on the chart.
Then it was time for the color deficiancy test. Well, he failed that with flying colors.
"I see nothing but teeny tiny ghosts and goblins."
Oy gewalt!
As we walked in the door, the bell rang, notifying everyone of our arrival. My son immediately immitated the sound of the bell. I knew he was in fine form.
We waited our turn.
Finally it was time for my little guy to sit in the big chair. The lights dimmed.
"Are you going to tell ghost stories? I think I see a ghost," the little guy said.
The optometrist looked at him funny. "What do you see on that wall?" he asked pointing to the letter chart.
"A bunch of dots and dashes," was the reply.
"Look real hard and tell me what you see."
The goofball had a fit of giggles, but finally managed to ascertain what was written on the chart.
Then it was time for the color deficiancy test. Well, he failed that with flying colors.
"I see nothing but teeny tiny ghosts and goblins."
Oy gewalt!
