Sherry Ellis's Blog, page 134
September 29, 2011
Brick Ball
My seven-year-old son isn't very good about waiting. You've probably already figured that out from reading previous posts about doctor visits.
Well, today I had to drag the little guy to my daughter's dance class. My husband is out of town, so I'm stuck with the boy. I knew he wouldn't behave, so he and I took a little walk to Dairy Queen. It's a tradition, that when we go to Dairy Queen, we have to get one of those little rubber balls from the machine - you know, the twenty-five cent ones.
After stuffing down a cheeseburger, french fries, and ice cream sandwich (I know - real healthy!), we headed back to the studio.
The class wasn't quite finished, so of course my son was antsy.
"Mom, watch this," he said. He whipped the little orange ball against a wall in the hall and watched it bounce back and forth between the walls. "Isn't that cool? It's just like the game 'brick ball' on my Ipod."
"No, Bubba. That's not cool. What if the ball bounces against the window and breaks it? What if it accidentally hits someone?"
"That won't happen."
He threw the ball down the hall, attempting to bounce it against the far wall. Unfortunately someone was turning the corner. The ball hit the man smack dab in the middle of his belly. If it was any bigger, the ball wouldn've knocked him out.
"Oh my gosh, I'm sooo sorry!" I profusely apologized.
Fortunately, the man was very nice about it. But no more Brick Ball for the little guy!
Well, today I had to drag the little guy to my daughter's dance class. My husband is out of town, so I'm stuck with the boy. I knew he wouldn't behave, so he and I took a little walk to Dairy Queen. It's a tradition, that when we go to Dairy Queen, we have to get one of those little rubber balls from the machine - you know, the twenty-five cent ones.
After stuffing down a cheeseburger, french fries, and ice cream sandwich (I know - real healthy!), we headed back to the studio.
The class wasn't quite finished, so of course my son was antsy.
"Mom, watch this," he said. He whipped the little orange ball against a wall in the hall and watched it bounce back and forth between the walls. "Isn't that cool? It's just like the game 'brick ball' on my Ipod."
"No, Bubba. That's not cool. What if the ball bounces against the window and breaks it? What if it accidentally hits someone?"
"That won't happen."
He threw the ball down the hall, attempting to bounce it against the far wall. Unfortunately someone was turning the corner. The ball hit the man smack dab in the middle of his belly. If it was any bigger, the ball wouldn've knocked him out.
"Oh my gosh, I'm sooo sorry!" I profusely apologized.
Fortunately, the man was very nice about it. But no more Brick Ball for the little guy!
September 28, 2011
Escaped Dog
Yep. He did it again. Our wonderful German Shepherd escaped from our yard. We had let the varmint out of the house because we wanted to eat our dinner in peace. (It's rather annoying to be cutting your food while having a wet nose on the end of a black snoot making its way on to your plate.)
Schultz trotted off to do whatever doggies do.
Usually he stays outside the sliding glass doors barking to be let in, or smudging the window with his nose prints.
"It's kind of nice not having Schultz bug us while we're eating," I commented.
Then the phone rang.
I answered it. "Hello?"
"Uh, hi," the voice on the other end said. "We have Schultz."
Uh oh. I knew it was too good to be true!
It turns out that one of the neighborhood kids had left our gate open. Schultz saw it as a great opportunity to go visit his buddy, a golden retriever, a few streets away.
My husband found him, having a wonderful time with his buddy.
That didn't last long. He was brought home and banished to his crate for the rest of the evening.
Schultz trotted off to do whatever doggies do.
Usually he stays outside the sliding glass doors barking to be let in, or smudging the window with his nose prints.
"It's kind of nice not having Schultz bug us while we're eating," I commented.
Then the phone rang.
I answered it. "Hello?"
"Uh, hi," the voice on the other end said. "We have Schultz."
Uh oh. I knew it was too good to be true!
It turns out that one of the neighborhood kids had left our gate open. Schultz saw it as a great opportunity to go visit his buddy, a golden retriever, a few streets away.
My husband found him, having a wonderful time with his buddy.
That didn't last long. He was brought home and banished to his crate for the rest of the evening.
September 27, 2011
Nerf Attack
I made the big mistake of getting my son a new nerf gun.
It's not my son who was the problem. It was my husband.
I was pulling out of the driveway in my car, when I heard some thuds on my window. I stopped the car.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing?' I said.
My husband had the weapon in his hand and was firing a steady stream of nerf bullets at me. He grinned. "Target practice."
Then my son got involved. "Can I try?"
"No way, man," I said. Then I turned to my husband. "How would you like if I used your motorcycle for target practice?"
No response.
"That's what I thought."
It's not my son who was the problem. It was my husband.
I was pulling out of the driveway in my car, when I heard some thuds on my window. I stopped the car.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing?' I said.
My husband had the weapon in his hand and was firing a steady stream of nerf bullets at me. He grinned. "Target practice."
Then my son got involved. "Can I try?"
"No way, man," I said. Then I turned to my husband. "How would you like if I used your motorcycle for target practice?"
No response.
"That's what I thought."
September 25, 2011
Fall-o-ween Fun
A local amusement part was hosting a fall-o-ween event today, so I thought I'd bring the kids for some fun.
Well, let me tell you about this fun. The kids wanted to ride on this crazy ride that made you go around and around and up and down and sideways, backwards. I had to ride with my son, because he wasn't tall enough to go by himself. Oh my gosh. This ride was the most miserable ride I had ever been on in my entire life. It was worse than being on a boat at sea in 20 foot waves (and yes, I have done that .) I thought I was going to throw up. Meanwhile, my daughter was behind me shrieking for the ride to stop. She wasn't enjoying it either.
We finally got off of that thing and decided to do something tame, like go pet some animals in the petting area. Ha! Well, the animals didn't smell so good. And to top it off, the pony my son rode decided he had to go to the bathroom. Only, you know how ponies are - they don't use the facilities, and they don't wear diapers. All this on top of my already nauseated stomach.
I really don't know how I survied. Moms obviously need to have strong stomachs!
The good news is, aside from that crazy ride, the kids had a great time.
Well, let me tell you about this fun. The kids wanted to ride on this crazy ride that made you go around and around and up and down and sideways, backwards. I had to ride with my son, because he wasn't tall enough to go by himself. Oh my gosh. This ride was the most miserable ride I had ever been on in my entire life. It was worse than being on a boat at sea in 20 foot waves (and yes, I have done that .) I thought I was going to throw up. Meanwhile, my daughter was behind me shrieking for the ride to stop. She wasn't enjoying it either.
We finally got off of that thing and decided to do something tame, like go pet some animals in the petting area. Ha! Well, the animals didn't smell so good. And to top it off, the pony my son rode decided he had to go to the bathroom. Only, you know how ponies are - they don't use the facilities, and they don't wear diapers. All this on top of my already nauseated stomach.
I really don't know how I survied. Moms obviously need to have strong stomachs!
The good news is, aside from that crazy ride, the kids had a great time.
September 24, 2011
Check Mate
A couple of years ago, I taught my daughter how to play chess. I've watched her get better and better with each passing month. We had reached the point where I was not "letting" her win. She had to actually use her brain to figure out how to outsmart me.
Every week she asked me to play. Every week, she lost. Until today. I was all focused on eliminating her knight, that I didn't realize my king was in the path of her queen. Oops. She got me. (Except she didn't give me the "check" warning the move before, which I had to complain about.)
She was thrilled. She actually beat me.
"Mom, I won! I'm smarter than you!"
Uh, I don't think so. At least not yet.
Every week she asked me to play. Every week, she lost. Until today. I was all focused on eliminating her knight, that I didn't realize my king was in the path of her queen. Oops. She got me. (Except she didn't give me the "check" warning the move before, which I had to complain about.)
She was thrilled. She actually beat me.
"Mom, I won! I'm smarter than you!"
Uh, I don't think so. At least not yet.
September 23, 2011
Flowers for Mommy
I like when my kids give me flowers. My son just gave me a bouquet of weeds a couple of weeks ago. Which reminds me, I need to discard those and clean the vase.
Today, my German Shepherd surprised me with a bunch of flowers. I had let him out to do whatever he does. About a half hour later, I heard a clunking sound on the back sliding doors. I went over to investigate. The dog had a lovely bouquet of sedum from my garden in his mouth.
"Aw, Schultz, are those for me?" I asked as I opened the door.
I attempted to take them from his mouth. He jumped back.
"What is this, a game?"
He presented the flowers once again. I reached for them. He jumped back.
"Okay, dog. Are you saying you want to play a game of tug with the flowers?"
He whipped his head back and forth.
I took that as a "yes."
So much for flowers for the mommy.
Today, my German Shepherd surprised me with a bunch of flowers. I had let him out to do whatever he does. About a half hour later, I heard a clunking sound on the back sliding doors. I went over to investigate. The dog had a lovely bouquet of sedum from my garden in his mouth.
"Aw, Schultz, are those for me?" I asked as I opened the door.
I attempted to take them from his mouth. He jumped back.
"What is this, a game?"
He presented the flowers once again. I reached for them. He jumped back.
"Okay, dog. Are you saying you want to play a game of tug with the flowers?"
He whipped his head back and forth.
I took that as a "yes."
So much for flowers for the mommy.
September 22, 2011
The Underside of the Table
I never look on the underside of my kitchen table. Why should I? My kids are fairly neat, so I would never suspect a mess there.
Today, my seven-year old son crawled under the table after dinner and made this announcement: "Mama, there's a huge glob of peanut butter under the table."
"What?" I said.
"Yeah. Look."
I crawled under the table and found not one, but two smears of peanut butter. They looked a lot like doggy nose prints.
We had put some peanut butter in the dog's kong toy a few months ago. Apparently after he got the peanut butter out, he smeared it under the table.
Do you know what it's like cleaning up three-month-old peanut butter. Pretty disgusting!
Note to self: Inspect under the table on a daily basis, and don't put peanut butter in the dog's kong!
Today, my seven-year old son crawled under the table after dinner and made this announcement: "Mama, there's a huge glob of peanut butter under the table."
"What?" I said.
"Yeah. Look."
I crawled under the table and found not one, but two smears of peanut butter. They looked a lot like doggy nose prints.
We had put some peanut butter in the dog's kong toy a few months ago. Apparently after he got the peanut butter out, he smeared it under the table.
Do you know what it's like cleaning up three-month-old peanut butter. Pretty disgusting!
Note to self: Inspect under the table on a daily basis, and don't put peanut butter in the dog's kong!
September 21, 2011
Mr. Stink
Our German Shepherd knows how to get really dirty! This morning he was absolutely revolting. He smelled like dirty socks and turd burgers all rolled into one.
My son came to the kitchen table for breakfast and nearly threw up.
"That dog stinks! I can't eat my breakfast in the same room with him. I'm going to vomit!"
I couldn't argue with that, so I moved my son into the office.
I marched up to the bedroom where my husband was still sleeping. "Hey! Wake up!" I said. "You have to do something about the varmint. He's disgusting! Go give him a bath!"
My husband rolled over and grunted. "You do it."
"Nope. Not my department."
Later, my husband tossed the dog into the bathtub. He was scrubbed from top to bottom. When he was done, he shook himself. Hair plastered the walls. The bathroom was a disaster.
The dog happily raced around the house, soaking everything he touched.
"Well, at least he doesn't stink anymore," I said. "Now somebody needs to clean the bathroom."
"You do it," said my husband.
"Not my department. Kids, he's your dog. Go clean up after him!"
They scrubbed the bathroom.
About an hour later, the dog had to go outside for a potty break. Of course it was raining, which meant it was super muddy out there.
The dog came back in with muddy paws and mud all over his legs. He left a trail of mud all over the kitchen floor.
"All right," I said. "Somebody better clean up this mess."
"You do it," said my husband.
"Not my department."
"Kids!"
Soon the kids were mopping the floor.
I had a nice piece of cheesecake while I watched them.
Life is good.
My son came to the kitchen table for breakfast and nearly threw up.
"That dog stinks! I can't eat my breakfast in the same room with him. I'm going to vomit!"
I couldn't argue with that, so I moved my son into the office.
I marched up to the bedroom where my husband was still sleeping. "Hey! Wake up!" I said. "You have to do something about the varmint. He's disgusting! Go give him a bath!"
My husband rolled over and grunted. "You do it."
"Nope. Not my department."
Later, my husband tossed the dog into the bathtub. He was scrubbed from top to bottom. When he was done, he shook himself. Hair plastered the walls. The bathroom was a disaster.
The dog happily raced around the house, soaking everything he touched.
"Well, at least he doesn't stink anymore," I said. "Now somebody needs to clean the bathroom."
"You do it," said my husband.
"Not my department. Kids, he's your dog. Go clean up after him!"
They scrubbed the bathroom.
About an hour later, the dog had to go outside for a potty break. Of course it was raining, which meant it was super muddy out there.
The dog came back in with muddy paws and mud all over his legs. He left a trail of mud all over the kitchen floor.
"All right," I said. "Somebody better clean up this mess."
"You do it," said my husband.
"Not my department."
"Kids!"
Soon the kids were mopping the floor.
I had a nice piece of cheesecake while I watched them.
Life is good.
September 20, 2011
Fun at the Orthodontist
Waiting in doctors' offices is not my son's favorite thing to do. He gets really antsy, if you know what I mean.
Today he had a visit at the orthodontist's office.
"Have a seat, honey. The doctor will be in to see you shortly," the receptionist said.
My son grinned. He brushed his teeth and immediately went into one of the patient rooms and pulled out one of those little stools on wheels. He sat down on the wheely chair.
"Dude, please put that back," I said. "The receptionist meant you should sit in one of these normal chairs over here."
"Those are boring."
"Too bad."
Then it was time for him to wait in the big chair - the one that tilts back. Unfortunately, it wasn't quite time for the doctor to come in, so sitting in that chair lasted about thirty seconds.
My little man got up and went over to the fan that was spinning in the corner. He started speaking into it: "My name is Bub-ba. I am a ro-bot." He sounded just like a robot. Somehow the fan was modulating his voice so that it did sound like a robot.
"How did you know it would do that?" I asked.
"I do it all the time with the fan in our garage."
"I see."
All of the workers who heard him laughed.
I just shook my head. Never a dull moment!
Today he had a visit at the orthodontist's office.
"Have a seat, honey. The doctor will be in to see you shortly," the receptionist said.
My son grinned. He brushed his teeth and immediately went into one of the patient rooms and pulled out one of those little stools on wheels. He sat down on the wheely chair.
"Dude, please put that back," I said. "The receptionist meant you should sit in one of these normal chairs over here."
"Those are boring."
"Too bad."
Then it was time for him to wait in the big chair - the one that tilts back. Unfortunately, it wasn't quite time for the doctor to come in, so sitting in that chair lasted about thirty seconds.
My little man got up and went over to the fan that was spinning in the corner. He started speaking into it: "My name is Bub-ba. I am a ro-bot." He sounded just like a robot. Somehow the fan was modulating his voice so that it did sound like a robot.
"How did you know it would do that?" I asked.
"I do it all the time with the fan in our garage."
"I see."
All of the workers who heard him laughed.
I just shook my head. Never a dull moment!
September 19, 2011
Selling Popcorn
My son recently joined the cub scouts. Their fundraiser is popcorn sales. Today the big guy and I want door to door selling the stuff.
"Mommy, I'm going to ride my bike."
"Oh. And what am I going to do? Run?"
"Yeah!"
He took off like a crazy man.
I literally ran behind him all the way around the neighborhood as he visited his target houses.
"Mommy, this is fun! I like selling popcorn!"
I groaned. "Yeah, you're not the one running!"
I bet you I ran at least two miles. At least we didn't have three feet of snow and sub-zero temperatures like when I had to sell girl scout cookies with my daughter!
"Mommy, I'm going to ride my bike."
"Oh. And what am I going to do? Run?"
"Yeah!"
He took off like a crazy man.
I literally ran behind him all the way around the neighborhood as he visited his target houses.
"Mommy, this is fun! I like selling popcorn!"
I groaned. "Yeah, you're not the one running!"
I bet you I ran at least two miles. At least we didn't have three feet of snow and sub-zero temperatures like when I had to sell girl scout cookies with my daughter!
