Sherry Ellis's Blog, page 133
October 11, 2011
Love in the Air
I don't know what it is with the single guys in my family. Yesterday my son was going gaga over a cashier. Today it's my dog.
I was taking the beast for a walk, when a lovely young female golden retriever trotted by on the other side of the street. My German Shepherd looked. Then he looked again. He couldn't take his eyes of the pretty little girl.
"Goofball, watch where you're going," I said.
Next thing I knew, he had walked right into a prickly holly bush.
Boy, did he yipe.
The golden retriever looked, stuck her little nose in the air, and pranced away.
"Nice going, Buster."
He looked at me with sad brown eyes.
"Next time, keep your eyes on the road. You'll make a better first impression."
I was taking the beast for a walk, when a lovely young female golden retriever trotted by on the other side of the street. My German Shepherd looked. Then he looked again. He couldn't take his eyes of the pretty little girl.
"Goofball, watch where you're going," I said.
Next thing I knew, he had walked right into a prickly holly bush.
Boy, did he yipe.
The golden retriever looked, stuck her little nose in the air, and pranced away.
"Nice going, Buster."
He looked at me with sad brown eyes.
"Next time, keep your eyes on the road. You'll make a better first impression."
October 10, 2011
Hot Chic
My seven-year-old son and I took a little trip to Kohls. As we checked out, my little guy decided to strike up a conversation with the cashier about how to tie shoes. She listened very patiently and giggled at his funny antics.
When we left the store, he said, "She's a hot chic."
I looked at him. "Okay."
"Can I date her?"
"No. You're too young to date."
"How old do I have to be?"
"Eighteen."
"How old will she be?"
"Probably about forty."
"Then she better start using that cream that prevents wrinkles so she doesn't look too old when I'm ready to ask her out."
When we left the store, he said, "She's a hot chic."
I looked at him. "Okay."
"Can I date her?"
"No. You're too young to date."
"How old do I have to be?"
"Eighteen."
"How old will she be?"
"Probably about forty."
"Then she better start using that cream that prevents wrinkles so she doesn't look too old when I'm ready to ask her out."
October 9, 2011
Man in the Moon
Last night we got out the telescope to do a little stargazing. The moon was nearly full, so we decided to focus on that.
"Mom, check out those craters!" my son said.
I did. It was pretty cool how along the outer edges of the moon, you could get a sense of the depth of the craters. It was like looking at the moon in 3-D.
My son looked again. "I thought there was a man in the moon. I don't see him."
"Maybe he's on the other side."
"Why would he be on the other side?"
"Maybe he needs a nap. It's kind of hard to sleep when the sun is shining on your face."
He thought about that.
"Yeah, I guess even the moon needs to sleep."
"Mom, check out those craters!" my son said.
I did. It was pretty cool how along the outer edges of the moon, you could get a sense of the depth of the craters. It was like looking at the moon in 3-D.
My son looked again. "I thought there was a man in the moon. I don't see him."
"Maybe he's on the other side."
"Why would he be on the other side?"
"Maybe he needs a nap. It's kind of hard to sleep when the sun is shining on your face."
He thought about that.
"Yeah, I guess even the moon needs to sleep."
October 8, 2011
Dumb Cat
I thought cats were supposed to be curious. Not ours. We got one of those laser toys that shine a beam of light on the ground. Cats are supposed to want to chase the light.
I shined the light on the ground in front of the cat. He didn't look.
I shined it on the porch railing. He didn't look.
I shined it on his paws. He didn't look.
"What's the matter with you?" I asked. "You're supposed to think this is fun."
He meowed and slunk off to do whatever cats do. Which is probably sleep.
Then I brought the toy in, and shined it on the floor in front of my German Shepherd. He went nuts. He chased the beam around the room. He pounced on it. He even tried to eat it.
Now, the question is, "Is my cat dumb for not wanted to play with a tiny beam of light, or is my dog dumb for thinking it was something he could grab?"
Maybe the cat isn't as dumb as he seems.
I shined the light on the ground in front of the cat. He didn't look.
I shined it on the porch railing. He didn't look.
I shined it on his paws. He didn't look.
"What's the matter with you?" I asked. "You're supposed to think this is fun."
He meowed and slunk off to do whatever cats do. Which is probably sleep.
Then I brought the toy in, and shined it on the floor in front of my German Shepherd. He went nuts. He chased the beam around the room. He pounced on it. He even tried to eat it.
Now, the question is, "Is my cat dumb for not wanted to play with a tiny beam of light, or is my dog dumb for thinking it was something he could grab?"
Maybe the cat isn't as dumb as he seems.
October 6, 2011
Burnin' the Place Down
So, I was trying to light some candles on my daughter's birthday cake. Usually that doesn't pose too much of a problem. Usually. Today was not the usual. Maybe it has something to do with the big bump on my head that I got a few days ago. I don't know.
First, I tried to light a candle with an old book of matches. I tried, and I tried, and I tried. But it didn't work. The darn things wouldn't light. So I threw them away.
Then I tried a lighter. That didn't work. So I threw it away.
Then I tried another lighter. And I burned my fingers.
Then, I said, "Heck with the lighter, I'll get another book a matches."
These matches were the wooden kind. Usually those work pretty well. Usually.
Well, as I lit the thing, the match snapped in half, landing on our kitchen table, which is made of wood.
"Fire!" my son yelled.
I quickly extinguished it.
"Okay. I give up," I said. "Daddy, you do it."
Of course he got it on the first try.
First, I tried to light a candle with an old book of matches. I tried, and I tried, and I tried. But it didn't work. The darn things wouldn't light. So I threw them away.
Then I tried a lighter. That didn't work. So I threw it away.
Then I tried another lighter. And I burned my fingers.
Then, I said, "Heck with the lighter, I'll get another book a matches."
These matches were the wooden kind. Usually those work pretty well. Usually.
Well, as I lit the thing, the match snapped in half, landing on our kitchen table, which is made of wood.
"Fire!" my son yelled.
I quickly extinguished it.
"Okay. I give up," I said. "Daddy, you do it."
Of course he got it on the first try.
October 5, 2011
Pass it On
It's been a while since I've eaten lunch in an elementary school cafeteria. My daughter asked me to come in and have lunch with her since it was her birthday. What an adventure that was!
We're talking lunch with a bunch of fourth graders. The boys at the table behind me were doing typical boy things, like mixing the strangest combinatons of food to freak the girls out who were sitting at my table. We even had some boys impressing us with their acrobatic abilities - doing backbends from their chairs to the floor.
Of course, there was food that somehow managed to find its way onto the floor. What a mess!
But the real fun began when my daughter decided to start a game of "pass it on." One person says something and it circulates around the table until it gets back to the person who started it. Well, in my version of the game, that's how it goes. Not in this version. In this version, one person says something, but before it can get all the way back to the originator, someone else says something from the other direction and passes it on. It's like a total collision.
"Wait a minute," I said. "What's going on here? This isn't how we play the game."
"Yeah it is," a perky young lady said. "It goes on forever like this."
Around and around it went, for twenty minutes, until it was time for the lunch to be over.
Meanwhile, at the boy table, a particularly slobbish young man was painting his face with mashed potatoes and BBQ sauce.
Oy gewalt. Right now I'm thanking my lucky stars that I don't have to eat with these people on a daily basis!
We're talking lunch with a bunch of fourth graders. The boys at the table behind me were doing typical boy things, like mixing the strangest combinatons of food to freak the girls out who were sitting at my table. We even had some boys impressing us with their acrobatic abilities - doing backbends from their chairs to the floor.
Of course, there was food that somehow managed to find its way onto the floor. What a mess!
But the real fun began when my daughter decided to start a game of "pass it on." One person says something and it circulates around the table until it gets back to the person who started it. Well, in my version of the game, that's how it goes. Not in this version. In this version, one person says something, but before it can get all the way back to the originator, someone else says something from the other direction and passes it on. It's like a total collision.
"Wait a minute," I said. "What's going on here? This isn't how we play the game."
"Yeah it is," a perky young lady said. "It goes on forever like this."
Around and around it went, for twenty minutes, until it was time for the lunch to be over.
Meanwhile, at the boy table, a particularly slobbish young man was painting his face with mashed potatoes and BBQ sauce.
Oy gewalt. Right now I'm thanking my lucky stars that I don't have to eat with these people on a daily basis!
October 4, 2011
Creatures in the Night
I have no idea what goes on outside when the sun goes down, but it sure ain't pretty. I went outside this morning to feed my cat, and saw that the porch rail had a slat knocked out of it. This was the second in two weeks.
I suspect a cat fight or a collision involving the fat racoon that steals our cat's food.
"Mom, should we get out our spy equipment and set it up?" My son loves a good spy game.
"Hmmm. That might not be a bad idea."
So we have a spy camera with night vision, binoculars with night vision, a funky spy listening device, and a few rigged mirrors.
We're on a mission, and we're going to catch the culprit!
I suspect a cat fight or a collision involving the fat racoon that steals our cat's food.
"Mom, should we get out our spy equipment and set it up?" My son loves a good spy game.
"Hmmm. That might not be a bad idea."
So we have a spy camera with night vision, binoculars with night vision, a funky spy listening device, and a few rigged mirrors.
We're on a mission, and we're going to catch the culprit!
October 3, 2011
Halloween Costumes
It's that time of year when I have to hunt for Halloween costumes for my kids. They have been bugging me.
"Mom, I want to look for a costume," my daughter said.
"Okay. What do you want to be?"
"I don't know."
"That helps. All right. Let's go on a search."
My son, daughter, and I hopped into the car and made our way to the mall where Halloween Express set up shop.
"Look at all these cool costumes!" my son said. "Can I be all of these?"
"Uh, no. One is enough."
He settled on a soldier costume. Of course he had to get the big old gun to go with it.
It was a little more challenging to find my daughter's costume. She finally found a tween Alice in Wonderland costume.
We drove home. My son immediatly put on his costume and went outside.
"Dude, it's not Halloween yet. Trick or treating is in another couple of weeks."
"But I'm in my costume. I'm going to trick everyone into giving me candy."
"Mom, I want to look for a costume," my daughter said.
"Okay. What do you want to be?"
"I don't know."
"That helps. All right. Let's go on a search."
My son, daughter, and I hopped into the car and made our way to the mall where Halloween Express set up shop.
"Look at all these cool costumes!" my son said. "Can I be all of these?"
"Uh, no. One is enough."
He settled on a soldier costume. Of course he had to get the big old gun to go with it.
It was a little more challenging to find my daughter's costume. She finally found a tween Alice in Wonderland costume.
We drove home. My son immediatly put on his costume and went outside.
"Dude, it's not Halloween yet. Trick or treating is in another couple of weeks."
"But I'm in my costume. I'm going to trick everyone into giving me candy."
October 2, 2011
Cup Rocket
Let me just begin where I left off. I was attempting to fix the streamers, balloons, and doorway decorations for my daughter's birthday party that my lovely dog tore down.
In my haste, I accidently whacked the side of my head into a door. That hurt big time! I think my brain rattled around in my skull from that one. So now I have a lovely bump. Not having time to ice it, I carried on repairing the damages.
Then it was time for the chocolate fountain. This was a special request. I melted the chocolate on the stove. When it was done, I attempted to pour it into the fountain. But the darn pot was really heavy. I ended up spilling quite a bit on the counter, which ended up dripping on the floor. What a mess! More work for the Mommy.
While I was in the middle of cleaning up, my seven-year-old son decided to create an engineering project.
He had gathered quite a collection of plastic cups. In addition he had a pair of scissors and masking tape.
"Mama, can you hold this?" he asked, balancing a bunch of cups to form a tower.
"Buddy, do you have to do this now? Mommy is really busy!"
I quickly cleaned up the mess, aware that the egg on my head was growing bigger.
"Mommy, please!"
I sighed and held his cup tower while he taped it together.
"Thanks. Now can you hold it here?"
I did , and he taped some more.
When he was done, he had a nice replica of a rocket.
"Am I a good rocket engineer?"
"Yes, but your timing has a lot to be desired! "
In my haste, I accidently whacked the side of my head into a door. That hurt big time! I think my brain rattled around in my skull from that one. So now I have a lovely bump. Not having time to ice it, I carried on repairing the damages.
Then it was time for the chocolate fountain. This was a special request. I melted the chocolate on the stove. When it was done, I attempted to pour it into the fountain. But the darn pot was really heavy. I ended up spilling quite a bit on the counter, which ended up dripping on the floor. What a mess! More work for the Mommy.
While I was in the middle of cleaning up, my seven-year-old son decided to create an engineering project.
He had gathered quite a collection of plastic cups. In addition he had a pair of scissors and masking tape.
"Mama, can you hold this?" he asked, balancing a bunch of cups to form a tower.
"Buddy, do you have to do this now? Mommy is really busy!"
I quickly cleaned up the mess, aware that the egg on my head was growing bigger.
"Mommy, please!"
I sighed and held his cup tower while he taped it together.
"Thanks. Now can you hold it here?"
I did , and he taped some more.
When he was done, he had a nice replica of a rocket.
"Am I a good rocket engineer?"
"Yes, but your timing has a lot to be desired! "
October 1, 2011
Party Wrecker
I just had to pause a moment and tell you about the dog. Yep. The big old German Shepherd.
It's my daughter's big 10th birthday party with her friends, and I've spent the entire day decorating and preparing for the big event. I was very careful to keep the dog away from all of the balloons and streamers.
Well, my husband wasn't so careful. Ten minutes ago he let the dog in, and the dog went nuts. He tore around the house, knocking over the doorway streamers, balloons, and everything else I worked so hard to put up.
I couldn't believe it. So now I have to go repair a few things.
Forty minutes to party time.
Argh.
It's my daughter's big 10th birthday party with her friends, and I've spent the entire day decorating and preparing for the big event. I was very careful to keep the dog away from all of the balloons and streamers.
Well, my husband wasn't so careful. Ten minutes ago he let the dog in, and the dog went nuts. He tore around the house, knocking over the doorway streamers, balloons, and everything else I worked so hard to put up.
I couldn't believe it. So now I have to go repair a few things.
Forty minutes to party time.
Argh.
