Z. Allora's Blog, page 32

Marrital Advice

There are lots of ways to have a happy marriage but the best piece of advice I give is ONLY marry your best friend.
1) Argue:Arguments don’t have to be long drawn out dramas of screaming and slamming doors. They are disagreements that need to be worked out.
A) Don’t nitpick but don’t let things go. If something bothers tell your spouse… they married you but the license doesn’t bestow magical mind reading powers onto them. Deal with it don’t bury it. Don’t like to confront… that’s why you address each issue. It’s easier to talk about something bite size before a mountain of resentment and anger builds up.
B) Do so with love. During the discussion say I love you… not to distract your partner but to remind you BOTH you share love with one another. Talk to them with the same respect you’d speak to your ‘best’ friend.
C) Working through disagreements on small things you learn ways to deal with them so when something larger comes along you have the experience and expertise to know it’s not the end of the world. The two of you will work through it. (Yes WORK… marriage requires both parties to work)
D) Be honest but not purposefully hurtful. If you’re too angry, upset or hurt call for RADIO SILENCE. It’s a great way to get a time out. I utilize it when I'm too upset to hear or when I know my love is too upset and neither of us should be talking. Silence is better than saying hurtful things out of anger. Radio Silence = HUSH up NOW. (Then once you have space back to working out the issue)

2) Don’t be a Martyr Allowing your spouse everything and taking nothing for yourself is not healthy. Employ the airline philosophy of life: Put your air mask on before helping others with theirs… Take care of your own needs so you’re able to contribute to the partnership. If you’ve given everything and become an empty husk with nothing to give>>> how is that helping the team?

3) Play For The Same Team
What are your goals as a couple? What are your goals as an individual? VacationChildrenSaving up for houseSaving up for retirementHaving funGet your degreesGrowing your own vegetables WHATEVER
As a primary member of your team you should drive in the direction of your team goals and you should help further your spouse’s goal as well (& of course should be assisting you in accomplishing your dreams as well).
Goals change and evolve over time. Talk once in a while to ensure you're both still focused on the dreams. If not make the needed adjustments.
This doesn’t mean you give up on your individual goals but you make compromises to meet the priorities you have as a couple while you continue working on your personal goals. It shouldn’t be one or the other… though there are times one or the other of you might have to give more to make something happen for the good of the team (as will your other team mate).

Marry Your Best Friend
Marry someone who loves and accepts you for you. Someone who can make you laugh. Couple with someone who will work with you on your couple as well as your personal goals. Find someone you can trust to take care of you if the need arises and be willing to take care of them.

Marry someone who you are able to put their happiness in front of your own and they happily do the same for you.

Marriage is not heteronormative… though until recently it’s only been between a male and a female (In the past people just assumed married people were heterosexual… not always the case so let’s drop the label and the expectation.). Each couple needs to set the boundaries of their relationship is and goals they want to focus on.

There’s many ways and suggestions to make a happy marriage.  It’s up to each of us on, off, over and under the rainbow makes of marriage what you want it to be. It’s up to you to define what your marriage is and what equates to success. May you find a best friend to enrich the quality of your life.
Wishing you love, happiness and romance always.
Hugs, Z.

Clothes Make A Girl...

It's funny we're getting ready for a Weird Al concert. We have tickets for a pre-concert party which includes dressing up tacky.



And I'm having issues...

I was 11 when my Aunt Peggy gifted me with a fancy aqua butterfly winged shirt. It was the first time I looked in the mirror and figured out what I needed to do to play the part of a female.

My manner, actions and movements had always set me apart from little girls but if I were silent, still and wore that frilly silk people treated me like a girl.

I've always hid behind my clothing. If they were interesting or different people would focus on the style, fabric or color and not me. My 'costume' could take center stage and I could fade into the background.

I used to go to a park near my house from sun up to dark playing basketball. (Short as I was I could hit the hoop from the top of the key and all the hot dog shots). My long blond hair hidden under my baseball cap. It was heaven. For two years I got away with being just another guy... then puberty hit and well my body wasn't allowing me to fly under the radar.

I retreated to the shadows my clothing could create. It was a "look at the bunny" move but if girls were fascinated by my socks matching my outfits they weren't saying I was too much like a boy.

Soooo the idea of purposefully abusing my wardrobe by mixing: Zebra print pants, leopard print jacket, tie dye heart tank top, with glitter socks and sparkle shoes... is daunting. But for Weird Al... I did my best! Here's my train wreck of an outfit.



I leave you with one my favorite Weird Al videos.

Hugs, Z.

Intolerant of Intolerance

As we celebrate marriage equality I want to remind us the job's not done. There's still transphobia, sexism, racism and homophobia didn't disappear with the ruling.

 Please watch this video...





Scary Statistics:Number of women murdered by their partner each day: 3
Percent of women who have experienced domestic violence: 25%
Number of women who died each day due to abuse: 4
(((http://www.statisticbrain.com/domesti...  Verified by the US Dept. of Justice & Bureau of Justice)))

Yet many of us tolerate attacks on gender.

Silence is tolerating.

When at a PFLAG meeting I encourage each and every person attending: To CONSISTENTLY address negative statements & slurs made by others against the LGBTQIA community.

It is only through education we can change the status quo. 

I'm not asking for you to bully or to form street teams to attack others... I am asking for individuals to stand up against not only homophobia and racism but transphobia and sexism.

When you judge someone's ability based on gender or allow someone to do it unchecked:You forward stereotypes.
You allow an environment that those horrific statistics remain a reality.
You are saying it's okay and in some cases its seen as agreement.

Be intolerant against intolerance.

Together we can change the world one attitude at a time.

Many hugs and much love,
Z. Allora

Is it a boy or a girl?

One of the first things people ask expecting parents is it a boy or girl? We live in an age where we can find out..

Hmmm... well we can find out what the doctor based on her/his experience & understanding of human anatomy believes the child's sex at birth will be. (Remember assigned sex at birth does not equal gender identity)

A question I have is:   Why do we want to know this ?

Watch this video: 


Notice the characteristics you started to assign at the beginning of the video.

It's my humble opinion one of the reasons we desperately want to identity the person's gender (before they even leave the womb) is so we know how to interact with them, how to think about them, what to expect of them....  Basically we want to make sure we know what well worn stereotypes should be heaped on them so we can continue to function as we always had.

Whatever would we do without the stereotypes???

Well maybe we should think about that... we are basing a lot off of ASSIGNED SEX AT BIRTH which might be very different than the individual's gender identity...

Here are some statistics snatched from Intersex Society of American (http://www.isna.org)


Bodies are unique. According to these stats 1 individual in a 100 people differ from the standard "male or female body". We're driven as a society not to deviate from the pack to the point we subject infants to surgery. 1-2 persons out of 1000 have received surgery to "normalize" their genital appearance. Now this is not to say all surgery is unnecessary but it raises the question. (We can discuss all the various issues that result from these surgeries another time.)

I leave you with this thought... instead of asking the parents if it's a boy or girl I think you should ask if they have educated themselves on issues around having a child fall outside the spectrum? Advocates for Informed Consent are helping parents and doctors to take a more measured approach: WAIT!!! Get the facts. Allow the child to be part of the conversation... after all it's their body. (http://aiclegal.org)

Hugs, Z.

Dear Future Love

Jordon Davis Speaks
Jordon's a teen who was kicked out by his mother after he came out in front of her church group. Luckily his two older brothers always have his back. He now lives with Dusty and Dusty's brother's boyfriend Justin and Zack his middle brother. Jordon lives and breathes art.

Jordon is one of the loudest (insert FAVORITE I'm her favorite shhhh not yet) persistent character that lives in my head. You might know him from The Dark Angels: Finally Fallen or Happy Holidays. He's demanded I allow him to share letters he's been writing to his future significant other for the last few years--

Since I was fifteen. I got this Z. Hi! I'm Jordon and I'm going to share not all the letters but just a few of them over through this blog. (Since Z. Allora doesn't plan on writing my story anytime soon). This was probably the first letter I'd written. Even though I don't believe I'll ever find that special someone who gets me I refuse to give up hope. This is the first letter.

Oh and I didn't address it to Future Husband out of fear of copy right infringement but because when I wrote this that song wasn't even out or because I was making a statement on rejecting a heteronormative tradition... No sadly marriage equality wasn't even thought of as a real possibility when I started writing these... and now I fully expect equality will be the law of the land soon.



Dear Future Love,I know we haven't met yet because well I just finished up my sophomore year of high school and let's just say I've never won any popularity contests with the jackasses I went to school with... though it's really odd because I'm a great guy. Well if you're reading this you already believe that.

So I just turned sixteen and I've never been kissed. I had been sextexting some guys (don't get jealous I was hoping one of them was you)... well things got out of hand quick. It was screwed up but Zack was there to save my ass... literally. Dusty's boyfriend was the one who finally got me to speak to the police (apparently he'd not been as lucky as me). I don't think I'll attempt meeting anyone else soooooo hurry the hell up and sweep me off my feet. I'm READY for LOVE!!!

My mother tried to stop Zack and me from seeing our older brother but I couldn't handle that. We snuck around to see him but then I decided to come out. Maybe it wasn't the best time to blurt out my attraction to the boys since my mother was having a church meeting at our house but I figured I'd test her unconditional love.

She failed. Her love had conditions. Within hours I was packed me up and she let my older brother have full custody of me. It's better this way but I don't know how you kick out your own child. Zack was booted later that same night so know we are all going on tour with Dusty, his boyfriend and The Dark Angels.

Oh yeah my oldest brother Dusty's a drummer and co-founder of The Dark Angels.  Zack says he wanted to be a roadie for the band. So I'm going to do the rest of high school online, work on my art and see the world with my brothers (and search for you!).

I'm an artist. But you know that or you will because I'm going to include a drawing, painting or something with most of the letters. I love creating something exactly as it should be. You know when you like take a picture of a landmark and angle the camera so you cut out the people... that's what I do with anything I make. I don't believe I need to replicate reality but I alter it to make it pleasing. It take out the bad stuff so only the good interesting stuff is left.

I wish I could find out about you.  I wonder who you are and what you look like? But that doesn't matter only that we love each other.

Love and long lingering kisses,
Jordon



That was a good letter. Thank you Jordon for sharing it with us.

Hugs, Z.

Answering The Question Of Transgender Surgeries

I’m going to stick my neck out and attempt to give basic information on the question of transgender surgeries…
Why?
People are trying to figure out what being transgender means and how it relates (or doesn’t relate) to them. Many of us put information through the filters we currently have. The idea of someone’s assigned sex at birth not matching gender identity might make sense so people move down their list with their filters and at some point they hit questions that aren’t necessarily comfortable for everyone to answer. The question of surgery is one of those question... 
We're going to generalize the information so we can understand and move on. Please don’t get angry if I get something wrong… contact me so I can correct it because my goal is to increase acceptance through knowledge.  I TRULY believe sharing this will lead to acceptance and acceptance equates to a happier SAFER society for everyone. 
Okay Pretty Ones: Here we go.
I know my Pretties wouldn’t purposely piss someone off/upset someone by asking a question in an inappropriate way. But just so we are all on the same page: Unless you are planning on sleeping with the person or having a relationship with them that might lead toward the bedroom you don’t need to know specifically what is in a certain person’s pants/skirt. It’s that simple.

Education & Understanding = Acceptance.
In that vein we’re going peek beneath the shroud around transgender surgery. But first allow me to show you some statistics to help sensitize you as to why surgeries aren’t what we should be focusing on…
41% of people who are transgender & gender non-conforming have attempted suicide (over 9x higher than the national average)78% of survey respondents have suffered physical or sexual violence at school65% of respondents experienced violence at work57% of those reported that their family chose not to speak/spend time with them69% have experienced homelessness60% reported a doctor or healthcare provider refused to treat them57-61% of those disrespected or harassed by law enforcement officers
These are the issues we need to focus on. But I respect you need a framework so let’s address the surgery issue so we can move on.
Not every person who is transgender wants gender affirmation surgery. Huh? Isn’t that what transgender means?
Nope. Not everyone who is transgender has body dysmorphia. They don’t feel the need to have surgery. They are comfortable or have found ways to be comfort living within their current body.
Surgery can be expensive therefore out of the reach.
There are risks that for some people may not outweigh the benefits.
An individual may not be healthy enough to have surgery.
Having/wanting surgery or not does not determine whether someone is transgender.

I’m not a doctor. I have done research (some of which I’ve listed the sources) and I have talked with a number of women in Bangkok who had surgeries. I’ve never spoken to any transmen about the surgery only about testorone.
Again having surgeries is a very personal decision and procedures need to be very individualized. I’m hoping to give you enough information to give you a foundation so if someone says something goofy you can correct them.

Surgeries Available for Transmen
1. Hormones: (Not surgical but it is a powerful agent of change so I’ve included it)  Testorone or “T” shots, patches, creams.Results: Allows masculine secondary sex characteristics to develop as well as blocking female related functions. Potential Risks: Side effects of testorone but those are usually the desired results. There can be mood swings.
2. Chest reconstruction surgeries: (or "top" surgery): Breasts are removed and the torso is contoured into a more masculine shape.
Results: No longer need to bind breasts. Can take your shirt off. More masculine in appearance. Potential Risks: As with all surgeries there is a risk of bleeding, infection, problems from anesthesia, blood clots or death (rare). There might be scarring, need for additional surgeries or loss of sensitivity.
3. Removalof the uterus and ovariesResults: No longer needing to deal with female processes.Potential Risks: Hysterectomy side effects (mood swings, night sweats, vaginal dryness, etc.) Any surgery poses risks such as bleeding, infection, problems from anesthesia, blood clots, or death.4. Genital reconstruction surgeries (or "lower"/"bottom" surgery) I’m going to skim the procedures to give you some idea and a general direction if you wish to go deeper into the subject.

Metoidioplasty
Testosterone treatment causes the clitoris to grow longer (usually to the size of a thumb). The surgeon cuts the ligament holding the clitoris in place and some of the surrounding tissue to create a small phallus from the elongated clitoris. To create scrotum there are two steps. First tissue expanders are put in then after the stretching permanent testicular implants are inserted. Metoidioplasty may also lengthen the urethral. Tissue from the vaginal area or from inside the mouth/cheeks are used to create a urethral extension, which would allow the person to pee standing up.The vaginal cavity may or may not be closed or removed.Results:  A natural looking (albeit small), erotically sensate penis. The patient can achieve erections when aroused. The procedure takes advantage of existing genital tissue, and doesn't leave visible scars on other parts of the body. The penis maybe too small for penetration. Potential Issues: The implants could cause an abnormal blockage. There could be leakage of the urethral passage, which could cause infection and tissue death. As with all surgeries there is a risk of bleeding, infection, problems from anesthesia, blood clots, or death (rare). 
This is a variation of metoidioplasty. The ligaments are joined around the clitoris, which adds girth. The procedure adds a pocket for silicone scrotal implants to be place. A urethral extension is made by putting the skin flaps around a catheter that is at the underside of the clitoris. The catheter is removed after urethral heals. The Centurion can be performed at the same time of a vaginectomy (closing/removing the vagina) and hysterectomy/oophorectomy (removal of ovaries).Results:  similar to Metoidioplasty.Potential Issues: similar to Metoidioplasty 
Phalloplasty constructs a penis using skin from other parts of the body and grafted onto the pubic area. The urethral is lengthened to allow patient to urinate through the penis. Erections can be achieved by inserting a rod (permanently or temporarily).Surgeries Available for Transwomen 1) Hormones: while not formally a surgery these chemicals change and affect the body dramatically. Hormones will encourage the development of secondary female sex characteristics.
2) Breast Augmentation: (or “top” surgery) increasing the size of breasts with implant. Hormones can usually increase breasts to an A-cup.
3) Vaginoplasty: (or “bottom” surgery) The testicles are removed and the penis is inverted to form a fully sensitive vagina. A clitoris is made from the glans of the penis. The scrotal tissue is reformed to make labia. Sometimes if there isn’t enough skin (or if Vaginoplasty fails) skin grafts from hips, thighs or a section of the colon is used.
Use of stints to dilate the vagina is necessary to prevent it from closing.
Definitions of success for gender affirmation surgery vary based on the individual and are subjective. I’m going to use two of the categories that come up on the various forums for people who have gone through the surgery use assessing the success of the procedure.
Orgasms: I’ve read & heard 25%+ of the woman who’ve had gender affirmation surgery can no longer have orgasms but to counterbalance that I’ve seen articles claiming higher rate of orgasm than cis-gender women at 90%+.  The brain is our largest sex organ so much will depend on how the individual is feeling. (Though please don’t discount the importance of a great nerve sparring surgeon).  
Remember not every person considers orgasm as part of their success equation.
On a forum there was a woman whose goal was post-operative orgasms. Pre-surgery she practiced orgasming as quickly as possible. After surgery she worked on having erotic sensations and feelings while she was doing her dilations. It took about a year and half until she was able to have an orgasm. She said her body needed to relearn how to build the sensations into pleasure. She also found working at it and anal stimulation assisted her.
Look & Feel: Many transgender women are concerned that they look and feel similar to cis-gender women. Only subjective data can be obtained but usually most are pleased with the results.

Potential Issues:  As with all surgeries there is a risk of bleeding, infection, problems from anesthesia, blood clots, or death. There are concerns for infection, numbness, loss of ability to orgasm, need for additional surgeries also vary.non-functioning vagina, etc.

Gender isn’t defined in what’s in our pants/skirts.
Now if you wish to seek further information YouTube has an array of people who are transgender sharing their journey. (I’ve spent hours watching videos and hearing so wonderfully uplifting stories as well as some heartbreaking ones.) 
But now you’ve peeked beyond the veil of affirmation surgery I expect your energy can be directed in helping to protect of the rights of individuals who are transgender.

Did you know:
In 32 of America’s states it is legal to fire someone for being transgender.
People who are transgender are fighting for the right to use the bathroom that fits their gender not their assigned sex at birth.
Transgender people are dying due to lack of acceptance. Please learn as much as you can and be ally.
Promote rights and equality for all people.
If you ever have any questions please ask. I’ll not be insulted, upset or put off by. If I don’t know the answer I’ll help you find it. ((Z.AlloraHappyEndings@gmail.com)) I believe asking is caring…  
Understanding = Acceptance

Many Hugs, Z. Allora

Resources: http://lexiecannes.com/2014/01/28/new-study-family-rejection-violence-cause-for-high-transgender-suicide-attempt-rate http://articles.latimes.com/2014/jan/28/local/la-me-ln-suicide-attempts-alarming-transgender-20140127 http://www.ftmguide.org/grs.htmlhttp://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/SRS.htmlhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_reassignment_surgery_%28male-to-female%29 https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=54344.0 http://www.drchristinemcginn.com/monthlytopic/read.php?id=1 http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2351/can-transsexuals-have-orgasm-after-sex-reassignment-surgery http://www.sexuality.org/l/transgen/tsorg.html http://heartcorps.com/journeys/qa5.htm

Illusions & Dreams

Pretties: You ever want to go to Bangkok for a little R & R? I can take you there and you don't even have to leave the comfort of your house. 


I know you don't usually read transgender romance... but I wanted to share the first chapter of Illusions & Dreams with you. 


Chapter One 
A HIGH-PITCHED shriek of pure frustration hurt Randy’s ears.
“I know you dress up to play a girl on stage! But I dress as a woman because that’s who I am!”
The scream ripped through the nearly empty club. Service staff scattered, leaving Randy and Jake standing alone at the entrance to the empty Illusions & Dreams club.
Randy peeked farther into the hallway. The air conditioning cooled his face while the heat of Bangkok still heated his back. Jake glanced over at him with a questioning look. Maybe this wasn’t a first-rate idea.
Jake opened his mouth and shut it before any words came out. The red curtains covering one of the doorframes fluttered open.
A man dressed in a colorful skirt swirled around the bar area. His muscular chest was bare except for a coconut bikini top he was tying with a pink ribbon.
He froze when he saw them in the doorway and adjusted the two coconut halves into the proper location on his chest. “Oh, my.”
The guy in front of them appeared to be in his late twenties or early thirties. His age was difficult to tell. Like most Thai men they’d met thus far, he was quite attractive and ageless. His large brown eyes were made up and his silky black hair twisted up with flowers. He had to be part of the show.
He turned toward where the shouting had come from and frowned. Sighing, he pasted on a forced smile and seemed to pretend nothing was wrong. “Hello, my dears.”
Randy and Jake were early, but Randy hoped the guy would let them wait until the restaurant opened. He promised himself it was the last time he’d let Jake talk him into a cheaper fare. Changing planes once sucked, but three times over the last two days had left him dazed and confused.
After they’d finally landed in Bangkok, when Jake suggested a quick shower before heading straight to Illusions & Dreams for a show, he didn’t argue. He wasn’t in the mood to fight the traffic in a cab or climb the stairs to the Sky Train just to go back to their hotel to wait for the show, so he hoped the guy would have mercy on them.
Jake greeted the flowered man as they stepped fully into the cooled room. “Hey. Everything all right in here?”
The man appeared out of sorts. He glanced behind him at the curtain again, his false smile fading. He must have realized they’d heard at least part of the argument.
“So sorry you had to hear that.” He gave them a shrug and a sad smile. “Finding one’s soul mate is no guarantee of life and love being easy.” His eyes widened as if he’d just realized they were clients and not his therapists.
He cleared his throat. “I’m Adirake, co-owner of this wonderful establishment. The show isn’t for another two hours, and the restaurant and bar don’t open for another thirty minutes.”
Adirake stared at them for a moment as if he were waiting for them to leave. Randy had no intention of facing that hellish heat until he was forced to, so he stood his ground.
Adirake readjusted a drooping flower in his hair and sighed. “Wait one minute.”
Jake crooked his head at Randy and gave him a questioning, wide-eyed look.
Adirake turned in the direction of a red door and bellowed, “Tong!”
A distant indistinct grumble rolled through the club.
“Tong!” Adirake wailed loudly as he smoothed down his skirt with a quick flick of his hand.
“What?” A disembodied, annoyed voice asked before a lovely woman appeared, encased in a sheer black gown with layers of silk that hid her full charms. “You shrieked, Adirake?” The woman batted her eyes coyly at him.
Adirake jerked his head toward Randy and Jake. The beauty had her hair smoothed into a light brown chignon. She followed Adirake’s pointing finger and noticed them as customers.
Not missing a beat, she raised her voice up into the female range. “Well, hello. You two are early.” She glared over at the co-owner and jerked her head toward the door. “Areva is upset. Go deal and I’ll take care of these lovely men.” She fairly purred as she pointed to them with her exceptionally long red nails.
Jake mumbled something, but Randy ignored him, captivated by the drama as it took place in front of him. Jake got his attention by elbowing him, grinning with mirth at the compliment.
“She thinks we’re lovely.”
Rolling his eyes, Randy griped, “Jake, grow up.” He couldn’t have gotten through the past few years without his best friend, but sometimes he prayed maturity would rain all over Jake. But alas, there had been a drought.
Jake made a face at him. Usually Randy didn’t mind Jake making light of any situation, but not now. Randy was in the club where the singer he craved sang. He wiped his hands on his pants and glanced around.
Ever since their first conversation about Thailand months ago, Randy had been researching the terms kathoey and ladyboys. He had discovered that the Thai people considered kathoey to be a third sex. Kathoey were popular in the entertainment industries—all types of amusements—but he didn’t want to think of his singer in those terms. Unlike the transgender community in America, who mostly wanted to live their lives quietly and not be noticed for being different, Thai ladyboys seemed to want to shine for those differences.
Randy’s singer did more than glimmer¬—she practically sparkled when she sang. He couldn’t wait to watch her perform in person.
Tong’s wiggle drew his attention to the present as she made her way around the bar in a soft sway. “My name is Tong. We aren’t open yet, but let me get you settled. It’s too hot to send you back outside. Right this way.” Her hips had a nice roll, made more evident by the way her black dress clung to her round bottom.
She settled them at a corner table, where the smell of basil wafted through the air, and handed them drink and food menus. “Will you boys stay for the show?” she asked, smiling prettily at both men.
“Yeah!” Randy fairly shouted. He flushed, and he added more quietly, “I mean, yes.”
He couldn’t help his excitement; Randy’d waited so long to see his singer. Finally, he’d see her show in person.
He’d lost hours to YouTube watching documentaries exploring the ladyboy culture and shows from all over Thailand, but it was the impressive Illusions & Dreams performance that mesmerized him the most. Those pictures and video clips he’d seen online remained with him, especially of one performer in particular. Meeting her was probably a long shot, but he had to try.
Randy noticed Jake studying him with interest as if trying to figure him out. Good luck with that.
In the span of their ten-year friendship, Jake had made it his mission to hook Randy up and get him laid. He’d dragged him to strip clubs for lap dances, which Randy found unappealing. Jake, comfortably pansexual, had even coerced Randy into going to an all-male revue to see if he could get a rise out of him, but failed. Randy drew the line at a new BDSM club Jake wanted to check out. Jake’s determination to help Randy find some “temporary happiness” seemed to top his agenda. Randy found it sad that “temporary happiness” was the only thing Jake claimed to trust.
Illusions & Dreams seemed to be the classiest ladyboy club in Bangkok. Most clubs appeared to be a thin veil for prostitution. This club, according to TripAdvisor, provided real honest-to-goodness talent. The performers weren’t prostitutes, but entertainers, or so the past clientele had claimed in their reviews.
“I’ll be back to take your order in a bit when the kitchen opens.”
Tong slowly undulated away. Randy stared at the menu as the kitchen door swung open, allowing the smell of garlic and mint to hit his nose. The scent made his stomach growl.
“’Kay,” Randy shook his head. It hit Randy. They were in Thailand.
“She’s a ‘ladyboy.’”
Jake apparently felt the need to inform Randy, like he was a remedial student. As if Randy could’ve missed her unique energy.
“No kidding.” His gaze tracked across the room to ensure he didn’t miss anyone who happened to wander in. He shifted in his seat and caught Jake gawking at him.
“Never seen you”—Jake gestured toward Randy—“all aflutter.”
“I am not all aflutter.” Randy sighed, and a big grin lit up his face. “Okay, I am a bit.” Jake’s rude laughter made him add, “A bit, damn it.”
Jake thumbed the trail of silver rings around his ear, making them click together. “Dude, I’m glad to see something interests you. We’ve been friends for what? Ten years? And you’ve never looked with interest at another person.”
Choosing not to correct his false assumption, Randy went for a slam. “Yeah, well, maybe if you’d have better conversation skills….”
“Fuck you,” Jake tossed back with no malice as he leaned his chair back onto two legs.
“Not my type,” Randy teased.
Randy froze as the enticing creature he’d watched via the Internet floated in. In the flesh, the object of all his recent fantasies, Lalana Dulyarat appeared. Her shiny hair flowed to the middle of her back in a silken waterfall. A few strands were artfully arranged over her full breasts. Her kissable lips pursed. She was feminine, but something in her energy told the truth of her genetics. She was breathtaking.
“She more your type?” Jake goaded as he put his chair back on all fours.
The online images barely did her justice. “Ah. Um. Yeah.” Randy was completely entranced by the vision, close enough to reach out and touch. He started to wonder if he might be a pervert. He’d gone hard from gawking at her smile at someone else.
Behind the tall beauty followed a young, adorable little waif, who giggled at something the singer said. They stopped in their tracks when they unexpectedly spotted the two men sitting at the table.
The waif whispered to the other and wiggled her way over to their table. Randy’s fantasy, Lalana Dulyarat, reached out to stop her friend’s forward motion but missed, so Lalana quickly trailed after her, trying to slow the pace. But Lalana’s determined friend kept ducking out of reach of her hand.
Randy’s singer glared at her friend with a touch of censure when they reached the table. The waif seemed paralyzed as she stared at Jake with her mouth open. Lalana held out her delicate hand to Randy, purposefully bumping into the little one next to her as if to knock her out of the Jake-induced trance she’d fallen under.
As he clumsily stood, Randy wondered if he should kiss the petal-soft hand proffered to him, but decided on a light shake.
“Greetings, sir,” a melodic voice chimed.
Randy gazed into Lalana’s eyes, getting lost in their depth until Jake cleared his throat.
“Oh. Hello. I just… you are….” He wasn’t making a goddamned bit of sense, and he should probably let go of the gorgeous lady’s hand. But he couldn’t. “I’m Randy Camster.”
“An American.” She said “American” like his nationality wasn’t a question, but Randy nodded anyway. She arched one perfectly manicured eyebrow and gently drew her hand back. “You’re too early for dinner.”
Jake reached out to take the smaller girl’s hand and bought it to his lips smoothly. The twentysomething barely held in her squeal. “I’m Jake O’Neil. I’m very pleased to meet you.”
Randy wished he had his best friend’s flair with other people. Instead he just stood there, mute, as the younger girl appeared near to a swoon.
She leaned into Lalana, who pursed her lips and shook her head. Glancing back up to Randy and Jake, she said in a silky voice, “I am Lalana Dulyarat. And this is Ms. Boon-nam Rattanawong.”
Randy finally found his voice. “I know. I, um, found you on the club’s website, Ms. Dulyarat. You’re even more lovely in person.”
Did that sound stalkerish? He probably shouldn’t mention he knew she was single. He’d conversed with a number of bloggers on travel websites as recent as last week to confirm. Not that he’d even the slightest shot in the dark to get a date with her, but he’d at least ask.
“Oh, how very nice of you to say so. Please call me Lalana.”
Lalana uttered the words with such practice, Randy could tell it wasn’t the first time she’d heard compliments from a panting male fan.
Jake grinned at Boon-nam, who seemed focused on him. “Are you ladies in the show?”
Boon-nam’s eyes remained glued to Jake. She nodded absently and said something in Thai.
Lalana tsked and answered, “Yes, we are.” Lalana nudged Boon-nam. “English, Boon-boon.” Turning back to the men, she asked, “Will you be staying for the performance?”
“Yes. Oh, yes. We wouldn’t miss it, right, Jake?” Randy answered immediately, smiling at the vision who haunted his dreams.
Boon-nam tugged Lalana down so she could whisper while her brown eyes remained focused on Jake. After hearing what her friend said, Lalana exhaled. She glared down at Boon-nam, who looked away from Jake to give the taller woman pleading puppy eyes.
Sighing, Lalana said, “Good, maybe we will see you afterward?” She dragged Boon-nam gently toward the door to the left of the stage.
Randy panicked, hoping for Jake’s intervention. He had to ensure he would see her again. This couldn’t be their only exchange.
He knew he could count on Jake’s experience. “Drinks?” Jake called out.
Boon-nam answered happily. “Yes. Meet us at the bar at ten o’clock.”
Lalana must have yanked her a bit roughly through the red door because Boon-nam vanished instantly.
After the ladies disappeared behind the door, Randy turned to Jake. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” Jake grinned at Randy and stifled a yawn. “Drinks at ten.”
Randy nodded as if he were trying to snap himself back to reality. “That’s like a date, right?”
“Indeed. Just like.” Jake rocked back in his chair, twisting his silver thumb ring as he assessed Randy a little too closely.
Oh, shit! “I haven’t had a date in… hell, forever.”
“Then it’s long overdue.” Jake slapped him on the back.
Randy drew in a long inhale.
The ambience changed, and Randy waited for the warning. He knew Jake didn’t want to pop his bubble, but he was going to say what he felt he needed to.
“You do understand those girls used to be boys? And they might still have their twigs and berries.” Why did Jake find it necessary to hammer home this fact?Jake continued. “I’m fine with it. I mean, a hole’s a hole.”
What the hell? “Do you always have to be so crass?”
Leaning forward, Jake shrugged. “Just a realist, my friend. I don’t dress up sex with emotion.”
This was a discussion for another time. “Your point?”
“Just that.” He actually appeared uncomfortable. “I don’t want you getting a surprise.”
To be fair, Jake didn’t know of Randy’s research. He’d been well versed in the facts, and if he were honest, maybe it accounted for a little of the appeal. While he found other transgender people attractive, he didn’t have the same response as he did to Lalana.
Lalana pulsed with vibrant energy, drawing Randy to her. Whatever she had or didn’t have under her dress didn’t matter all that much to him. As insane as it sounded, he felt a connection with her. A nonstalkerish connection, he amended.
Jake sat back hard in the chair and waved his hands in defense. “Hey, man. No issue for me. You know my cock is all about equal opportunity. I’m nondiscriminatory when it comes to fucking. Cock, pussy, mouth, or ass, it’s all good.”
“It’s not always about sex.” Randy’s hands itched to shake some sense into Jake, but he didn’t have that kind of time.
Jake chuckled. “Yeah, actually it is. Love is a fairy tale people convince themselves exists, so they can fuck like bunnies without the guilt society would heap on them. I say just fuck whoever you want and leave emotion out.”
Randy snorted. “Like a furred hole in the wall.”
Jake slapped his hand against the table. “Come on. I’d been drinking, was drunk perhaps. It was that one time… I think.”
Randy laughed harder at Jake’s confession. “You’ve no shame. You had relations, literally, with a hole in the wall.”
Jake grinned as he leaned across the table to grab the saltshaker and spin it around. “I’m sure one of the guys purposely lined it with fur. Whatever, man. I was hornier than fuck, and it was tight.”
“What does that even mean?” Jake exasperated Randy, but he’d gotten used to the idiot.
Jake cracked up. “Does it matter?”
“Probably not,” Randy glanced toward the door Lalana had disappeared through.
“I’m an ‘any port in a storm’ kind of guy.”
Jake pretended he was totally nonselective in his choice of partners and that “safe, sane, and consensual” were his only standards. But Randy had never bought his line of bullshit.
“Only requirements are hot and tight. I guess I didn’t know you were ready to swing in other directions.”
Randy shook his head. “Chances are neither one of us will be swinging anything.”
Jake’s laugh barked out. “This is Bangkok, baby, Bangkok! Why do you think they call it Bang Cock?” Jake’s face was an open book, which displayed each and every one of his obscene thoughts.
“You’re crazy, you know that?” Randy cracked up, but was glad the ladies weren’t there to witness Jake being uncouth.
“Yeah, I know. But you love me anyway. You can’t help yourself.”
True, but Randy didn’t have to admit it. Jake was a great friend and always made him laugh at life. Even when life had been dismal, Jake had always been quick with a joke to make him smile.
“Okay, back to the situation at hand. Didn’t know you had a hobby.”
What was he talking about now? “Huh?”
Jake laughed. “You know, the whole Internet-stalking thing?”
Randy dropped his voice, not wanting to be overheard. “Screw you. I did a little research and watched the clips of Ms. Dulyarat singing.” When Jake clearly wasn’t buying his watered-down version of reality, Randy added, “A couple of times.”
“Ha! Couple of hundred, maybe.” Jake saw he was right when Randy felt his face go red. “Whatever, man, no worries.” Slapping him on the back, Jake asked seriously, “You like her?”
“No. Yeah. I mean, I know I don’t know her, but there’s a vibe, a connection between us or something.” He rubbed his forehead, which started to hurt.
Jake’s expression spoke his disbelief so Randy simply tuned out his words. Sighing, he rambled on, “Shut up. I know it’s crazy. But now I’m seeing her at ten.”
Holy hell, he was meeting her in less than four hours! “What do I say? I mean, she’s way out of my league. What do I talk about with her?” In comparison to the glamorous and talented performer, Randy’s life was a snore. “How can they speak English perfectly?”
Jake grinned as if he enjoyed Randy’s spin of crazy rapidly turning into panic. “See. There you go. Your first topic of conversation.”
Before Randy could smack his ex-best friend in the head, Tong reappeared. “What can I get for you?”
Jake ordered the pad Thai with a Thai beer. Randy ordered the same, because he couldn’t form thoughts beyond the gorgeous creature he’d be seeing at ten.
Tong turned and almost slammed right into a muscular man behind her. “Oh, sorry, Jaidee.”
Randy was struck by how satiny and soft her voice could be. She was probably a singer too.
This Jaidee’s hands went around her waist to ensure she didn’t stumble. “No problem.”
Tong seemed almost to swoon from the sound of his voice. The drama unfolding before them riveted Randy. The guy’s hands lingered longer than necessary, and his eyes held Tong’s for several heartbeats as if he were going to say something.
Tong cleared her throat and stared at the floor before she confessed, “While you were away, I, um, I missed you.”
Jake was busy checking his phone and completely unaware, but Randy watched Tong melt like ice on a scorching-hot day.
Randy wondered if Jaidee was that toned from hours of dance and performing or if he was a gym rat. Hell, Randy should’ve hit the gym if that’s what surrounded Lalana all day.
“Did everything work out as Adirake planned?”
The transformation in Tong’s demeanor surprised the hell out of Randy.
“Yes, the brother and sister are over at Thai Haven. The restaurant owner is a friend of Areva. He’ll be teaching them how to wait tables and give them a job.”
When Jaidee turned to go, he hesitated. “I missed you too,” he said before he hurried down the hallway toward the stage door.
Aw, that’s sweet.
Tong didn’t move until Jaidee was out of sight. Then she must have noticed she had a captivated audience of one, because she turned to Randy and shrugged. “I’ll place your order with the boys in the kitchen, and I’ll get the beers for my two early birds.”
When she brought the two beers to the table, her sympathetic expression told Randy she’d overheard him obsessing over their upcoming date.
“So, I mean, what else do I talk to her about? She’s lovely. What is she looking for?”
“You’re winding yourself into a ball of anxiety. Just calm the fuck down.” Jake grimaced. “What do they want? It’s not even a date, for Christ’s sake. You just pay for their drinks. That’s what they want.”
Tong cleared her throat to get Randy’s attention. “Romance.” She sat down at their table with their beers. “Even though my love life is nonexistent, at least I can give some unsolicited advice.”
“What?” Jake questioned her.
Randy knew Jake well enough to know that he clearly didn’t like her sitting her ass anywhere she pleased. But Tong was secure in her place. She’d been here before Jake had arrived, and she would be here long after he left. Her posture almost dared them not to appreciate her crossed legs. Jake leered at them and relaxed back into his chair.
She smiled at him. “Romance. These girls crave romance. Their dreams are like those cheap happily-ever-after romance novels. They want a knight in shining armor to love them. To sweep away the miseries of the past and help them enjoy the sunshine of the future.”
Not one to kiss anyone’s ass, Jake chuckled. “Yeah, I’m sure a nice little bauble taking a chunk out of your bank account would suffice as romance.”
Tong frowned.
What the hell is wrong with him? Usually he could ignore Jake’s twisted view of love, sex, and relationships, but Tong knew Lalana, and Randy didn’t want her to blow him off because his friend was a jackass. Randy kicked Jake under the table.
“Ow! Randy! What? It’s true.” Staring at Tong, Jake asked, “Aren’t a few expensive trinkets excellent substitutes for true love?” The way he said love made the word sound tawdry and dirty.
“What do you mean?” Tong’s tone suggested she was daring Jake to say exactly what she clearly expected him to say.
“Come on. Who do you think you’re talking to? I mean, these places have the reputation of being high-class brothels,” Jake stated as if it were a matter of fact.
Randy’d read that most clubs tried to get clients to fall in “like” with the performers and convince them to buy expensive gifts and trinkets. Sometimes the performers would even ask for money outright for their supposed families still in the countryside.
Embarrassment flashed across Tong’s face before she regrouped. “Actually, that’s not what Illusions & Dreams is about at all. Our girls and boys are well paid, get their educations, and are well taken care of. We aren’t looking for a man to do it for us.” Sniffing in annoyance, she appeared to want to punch the knucklehead in the teeth.
Jake snorted. Randy shook his head and made the toe of his shoe find Jake’s shin again. Tong grinned at Jake’s yelp of pain right before Randy apologized.
“Please don’t be offended. My friend can be an ass sometimes. He was dropped as a baby.” Randy smiled and held out his hand. “I’m Randy, by the way.”
“Pleased to meet you. I am Tong.” She smiled at Randy and delicately grasped his hand to shake. “The girls here are looking for love and romance.” Standing, she said, “At least, until they grow up and realize it doesn’t exist.”
Randy stood up politely. “Oh, but it does.” He grabbed her hand back as if he were going to convince her. “Truly it does,” he told her adamantly.
Tong took the time to examine his sincerity. “Ah, you poor naïve thing. You still believe in happily ever afters. I really hope you’re right.”
As she hurried back to the bar, out of the corner of his eye, Randy witnessed Jaidee’s head duck back behind the stage door.



                                                                             Sale on Illusions & Dreams 

Exploring Sexuality

Kline's Sexual Orientation Grind  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Klein_Se...)

Kline's model went further than Kinsey's seven point scale because the factor of time was added. This suggests that an individual's attraction, behavior, fantasies, emotion, social, lifestyle and self identification could possibly change over time.

I find this fascinating that some people based on some factor the individual experiences in life could possibly affect the expression of their orientation. (And no don't flame me I'm not suggesting people change their orientation... I suggesting something that made have been hidden might surface) I think as we learn more about our selves and have new experiences or find out about new things our attraction, behavior, fantasies, emotions and self identification are shaped.

In my books I try to explore the spectrum of sexuality. I have two characters who happen to be demi-sexual (meaning in order to feel sexual attraction they need to have a bond with the person). One of them while he doesn't identify as bi-sexual could have found happiness with a woman or a man (though he had more inclination toward men) where the other didn't even decide if he were gay because he was so transfixed by his love interest he didn't feel the need to figure it out. Randy from Illusions & Dreams is probably trans-orientated (again if the attraction is based beyond sex I see nothing wrong with it... and I'll blog again about it some day). He wasn't even aware of his attraction to the duality in energy until he was exposed to people who were transgender. I have characters who knew they were kinky before they knew they were gay (yes I do think BDSM can be an orientation).

What I try to do in my books, on Facebook, in private chats with my Pretties is to explore sexuality. Labels are good (if we don't use them to pathogize) but label need to be flexable. I bristle when I hear well that's not how X orientation is... yeah well that may not be how you express or experience X orientation or even how the people in your sphere experience/express X orientation but please don't invalidate someone who does experience in that way.

Under each stripe of the rainbow there's a glorious spectrum and I advocate for finding out more about yourself, your sexuality, your gender, your orientation so you can live a happy healthy life.

Wishing you many orgasms!

Hugs, 
Z. Allora

Hop Against Transphobia

 I'm going to focus my blog today on trans* phobia. 
Why? 
Many people have a vague idea about what the issues that face the trans*community and it is my hope to share. 
Understanding = Acceptance.
Did you know the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention came out with the following information on transgender* people. Here are some distressing findings: 78% of survey respondents who suffered physical or sexual violence at school (attempted suicide).65 % of respondents who experienced violence at work.57% of those who reported that their family chose not to speak/spend time with them.69% have experienced homelessness.60% reported a doctor or healthcare provider refused to treat them.57-61% of those disrespected or harassed by law enforcement officers. ((http://lexiecannes.com/2014/01/28/new-study-family-rejection-violence-cause-for-high-transgender-suicide-attempt-rate))
I know many readers in this community have never read a transgender* romance. Remember that dark time long ago when you didn’t read m/m romance? (Hugs I know you’d rather forget about it.) But when you first heard of this genre you might have felt it was out of your comfort zone… until you opened that very first gay romance book. You were hooked.
The same way you fell in love with gay characters and now fight intolerance & promote equality it is my hope you to adore transgender* characters. I want you to open a trans* book (and your hearts) to witness transgender character's strengths, their struggles, their flaws and root for their victories in love because in doing so you're going to understand a little bit more about their lives. And I want you to fight transphobia just as hard as you fight homophobia. 
Comment below (or e-mail) and on June 1st I'll pick a winner for an e-book version of Illusion & Dreams. Make sure you include a way to contact you: e-mail, Facebook, smoke signal.  
Together we can change the world. 
Hugs, Z.
http://hopagainsthomophobia.blogspot.com


Randy Camster failed at being married. His life now centers around work, TV sports, and listening to his friend Jake complain about how Randy’s lack of a sex life will be the downfall of mankind. Not true! Well, not totally. He’s just never understood the fascination with sex until… ladyboy performer Lalana Dulyarat shimmies into his world via an Internet ad for Thailand tourism. 


Jake O’Neil’s open pansexuality yields him interesting bedmates, but he’s never chased after the mythical illusion of love. He focuses on others, like his best friend Randy, who needs a Bang-Cock vacation. Finding an adorable little imp named Boon-nam wasn’t on the itinerary. Gay, straight, and undecided, Jake has had ‘em all, but never a virgin aching to take a walk on the kinky side after having her affirmation surgery. Talk about pressure. And what’s with everyone warning him not to break her heart? His is the one in danger.


And They Lived Happily Ever After...

Happily Ever Afters have been my drug of choice for years... Why? 
Simply put:  LIFE CAN SUCK ROCKS.

Rape. Death. Cancer. Abject Loneliness. Suicidal thoughts accompanied by very specific plans of how to exit. Anxiety so bad it paralyzed me...

When this was my existence I fucking grabbed for happy with both hands any place I could find it.

Romance books became my happy... a balm for my devastated soul... reading the troupes of the well worn patterns was like mediation chant but each unique. I know (unlike real life) everything in that world is going to be okay. Sure there's going to be some ick the characters are going to have to go through but they will be together and happy in the end. I'll get to fall in love as the story unwinds. The pain they experienced will be forgotten as I get to their happily ever after their fight/their struggle will have been worth it  >>> allowing me the reader of a wonderfully crafted love fest just a moment... a space in time where everything is going to be alright for me too. 

I've had people shake their fingers at me (literally) for reading only happily ever afters as if pure romance was somehow less than other works of fiction.

But life is too fucking short not to be happy. When I'm laying in a machine trying hard not to cry because I don't know what this million dollar body scan will find... happily ever afters have kept me sane. When my anxiety is making me crazy I acknowledge it and then wonder about what character x will do if character y does Z and allow myself the brief respite from the crazy that threatened to pull me down into the depths of despair. Happily ever afters work (for me) better than sedatives.

Romance books with happily ever afters make me happy. When I'm happy I can make other people happy. I know some people thrive on those 'meaningful bitter sweet endings' or fiction or biographies or the huge variety of terrific books that are out there.. That's awesome. I'm happy for them and have no need to convert them to an all happy ending lifestyle.

As a reader I invest time and money into what I want to experience.

As a writer I write ONLY happily ever afters.

People tend to point out romance isn't realistic...

So? I mean really... SO?

That's kinda of the point of this genre for me. If the story was realistic and could pass for real life I think it slips out of the romance genre and into something I don't read or write. I'm looking for an out of my reality. I want to be swept away on the magic of dreams.

Once I had someone point out I just needed to be educated... so I could learn to appreciate a variety of books.

I wonder what he meant by that?  I have a three bachelor's degrees (Psychology, English & Philosophy) and a master's in Psychology. But reading the hundreds of books I did to get those degrees isn't what he meant by education. He wanted me to read non-happy endings until I would be forced to like it... um why?  (cognitive dissonance aside) not even the master of my heart would attempt to make that suggestion. (I'd walk over broken glass bare for him)

Someone could easily say some of my characters aren't realistic.

(I could give the snarky SO? answer but I won't I'll go with disbelief) My characters aren't realistic? What gave it away? Was it my cock sucking zombies or my hot rockers playing Truth Or Dare leading to all out orgies?

I usually write in a Yaoi-style. (Yes I capitalize it because it's like a religion to those who practice it). Yaoi is over the top, fluffy yummy smexy goodness but you won't be able to pry it from my hands. It's what in my head.

Happily ever afters are what dances between me and all the shadows that linger. Take the happily ever afters away from me and I don't think you'd like what you find.

Given the choice between realism or a happily ever afters... which do you think I'm going with?

What's your preference my Pretty ones?

I wish you all love, happiness and romance always.

Hugs, Z.