Z. Allora's Blog, page 31

Come, Cum, Spooge, Sperm, Ejaculate

Club Zombie: Zombies Ahead is up for pre-order!!! My zombies are all about come... out. They aren’t rotting corpses stumbling around looking for brains. Nope! Z.Allora’s zombies are sweet, sexy guys searching for male essence. You guessed it: Ejaculate. I’m mean REALLY! I don’t see the excitement for the undead whining about ingesting brains… but hot guys craving come… now that’s a concept worth a series!
 Pre-Order Link

Their transition begins at nineteen and completes on their twenty-third birthday. Hopefully, they find their mates before their transition is complete or they lose the ability to orgasm until they find their other half… but they still need male essence. (Talk about frustration!) Though Club Zombie has developed interesting ways for them to receive what they need: blowjob shoe shine stations, glory holes, BJ Alley, and a favorite for zombies already past their twenty-third birthday the BDSM room where they can hid their impotence in chastity. 
Below you see my original cover... that scene was stuck in my head for 17 years!!! (But Amazon thought it too risque so it was doomed to the dungeon... and not the fun kind!)



I did a lot of research on sperm (… allowing time for your imagination to catch up). The Healing Properties of Semen  from Health Now blog did a great job of summing up the wonderful properties of what the philosophers called the ’substance of the soul’ .
Could a spurt of sperm be the next wonder drug? If these amazing results gathered in this article are valid doctors might be suggesting you suck it up and swallow.
A study in 2002 out of Albany NY suggested depressed women exposed to semen were less likely to commit suicide. It’s believed the sperm balances the hormones. Other studies have shown semen lowers the risks of breast cancer and frequent ejaculation decreases the risk of prostrate cancer. Pregnant women ingesting semen lowers the rate of preeclampsia (dangerously high blood pressure) and could be a possible cure for morning sickness. The protein in semen can regulate ovulation. Sounds too good to be true? (( http://www.healthnow.am/blog/the-healing-properties-of-semen ))  >>>I personally think researchers should investigate female orgasm rate with… just about anything… cause it’s important too!<<<
Hugs, Z.




 

Writers: What do you do all day?

I've been asked a number of times... my answers vary from watch porn and masturbate to WRITE! Then you get well if you're writing all the time why haven't you published more books? 
It's a valid question because I really did think writers wrote more… instead I find myself doing many other things that will assist me in publishing. 
Let's take it from the beginning: You have written the song of your heart… a fabulous book… now what? Well, you don't exactly type THE END and head off to the best seller's list (I've heard rumors those exist... I wouldn't know personality LOL)
*Self-edit (or try to):Usually I put the manuscript I've just written through an editing programming, make the corrections and re-read it. (This might be the 10th time I've gone through my work) Then I pass it to my beta/critique partners to shred my words. Then I sort through their feedback and improve the story.
*Submit to a publisher: Write a query letter, and a synopsis = imagine a book report that boils down your blood sweat and tears into a couple of pages… then you WAIT  (bypass if you have an editor who adopts you as theirs)(If accepted):Edits: With editor 1, editor 2, and possibly a third or fourth go round, lines 1-2x, proofing
Cover Art  : Working with an artist to come up with a good representation of your book that’s marketable. 
Blurb: Boiling down your stories into a jazzy two hundred word blip to entice readers to give your story a try. (If not accepted>>> it’s back to the drawing board with re-writes based on feedback, court a new publisher)
*Self-pub:You get to bypass the publisher stuff but you want to make damned sure you do the edits, proofing and you commission your cover art directly.
*Beta/critique for othersbecause 1) it’s nice to return the favor 2) it helps you become a better writer to READ for another author.
*Read articles on the craft of writing, trends in the market, grammar, style...
*Social mediaIt can be a useful way to get your name out there. Yes, I’m talking about branding (who are you as an author and getting your message to your audience). It allows you to tell the world you birthed a new book. (Hopefully, without overselling cause EVERYONE including the authors HATE when that happens) But you can’t just rely on one place nope! You need to get the word out at different times and in different places.
*Blogs: Your own blog should be updated on a regular basis. Some writers are able to do this once a day, every few days… me I’ve committed to once a week. We’ve been told you’re not writing the blog for today but for the future… meaning someone will come across a tag that leads them to you & your magical books. So blogs are important!
*Facebook:No surprise to some of you that Facebook is my favorite venue! Maybe it was not being allowed to use it when I lived in China… but I ADORE playing with my Facebook Pretties! I love what people post on my wall, the PMs, the responses to my posts and the answers to my questions. It’s my way of staying connected. My Pretties make me think, smile and giggle! So Facebook is a joy to me. (I bop on and off of it while I’m writing to touch base so if you PM me & I’m not online I’ll probably be there soon).
*Twitter: I’ve met with people about how to make Twitter work, I’ve even watched YouTube videos on tweeting. I’m able to do #TravelTuesday & good LBGTQ+ news… but I’m still not comfortable with it.
*Insta-graming:Haven’t attempted it… Know Thy Limits. I simply can’t do it all.
*Pinteresting: I try to pin things to my boards about travel since my books are based partly on my travel experiences. I’m even using the secret board option to work on my works in progress.
*Website: Make sure your website is up to date… oh and if you put your website on your writer banner the one you plan to put on your table at Upstate Pride>>> you might want to make sure it works… GRRRRRRR!!!! Most of my week has been devoted to making a new website.
*Keeping up E-mail
*Conventions sPreparation (swag can take weeks to order and longer to figure out what makes sense with you and your books). Attending the classes/panels usually gives you more to dos while you try  not to implode in a nervous wreck. Of course there's the travel time and dealing with the illness in the aftermath.... But I LOVE THEM!!! It's where my tribe meets.

Your book is releasing: 
Blog Tour: You can pay for assistance or schedule it yourself (=scheduling takes time and you usually want to contact 8-15 blogs) Either way you should pull together a media package (all the information on your book, cover art, blurb, excerpt & buy links) and you need to write 8-15 blogs, announce where you will be when, and follow up with commenters.

Giveaways: Request to do them, schedule them, publicize, follow-up and give out prizes.
Reviews: You need to ask review sites if they would be interested in reviewing your book. If a review is scheduled make sure you know when so you can publicize it.
Your Rights Are Yours Again:Books are under contract for 1-5 years with automatic renewals in some contracts. You need to manage this. If the rights are returned to you the choice is they go out off all bookshelves or you get them with another publisher or learn to get them on Amazon, All Romance Books, Kobo, Apple, Draft 2 Digital, etc. (Did you need to re-write them first? If so, beta/critique partners, editing, etc. all need to be re-done.)
There’s a number of other things that come up but those are some of the basics I spend my writing time doing. Trust me when I say I'm not complaining but I wanted to share.
So if you’re wondering why your favorite author hasn’t gotten the next book out… these are some of the things a writer’s time is spent doing.
Hugs, Z. Allora

Non-Monogamy

Wait!  Isn’t that cheating?The word CHEAT can be defined as:
* to break a rule or law usually to gain an advantage at something
* to take something from (someone) by lying or breaking a rule
* to prevent (someone) from having something that he or she deserves or was expecting to get
((http://www.merriam-webster.com))



Non-Monogamy may not be cheating... If there are rules allowing for more than one partner...


Dan Savage views on monogamy:  


One opinion on open relationships

                  
Here's an example of the rules one might implement to stay out of the realm of cheating:




This video gives another opinion of how to express non-monogamy: POLYAMORY.   The idea is love is not finite therefore we can have many loves.



My personal opinion: In general, I shy away from studies/opinions that cling to sexual orientation and gender as the only factors to determine monogamy/non-monogamy. I think to do oversimplifies a very complex subject and devalues our individuality.

When gender and orientation are used as the ONLY factors:*It increases sexism, homophobia, and transphobia
*Makes assumptions that the labels assigned are correct  (& assumes most people reside in boxes)
*Ignores that people may be on a spectrum which might vary over time.

Shouldn’t we look at the individuals involved? I'm truly exhausted by the Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus mindset. Or that ALL people on the rainbow reject heteronormative ideas of fidelity. I need to point out some ideas can be seen as heteronormative only because rights for everyone have been denied for so long…  and with studies reporting 30-70% of married people report having 'cheated' it doesn't look like it's got much to do with being on or off the rainbow.

I would suggest exploring other determining factors: *How the individual views sex? Is sex an expression of love? Or is it about getting off?
*Is the participant outside the primary relationship just a fancy masturbatory device or is there a connection giving the person in the relationship something they are lacking?
*Why is the person seeking the outside attention to deal with sexual/emotional needs?
*How does the cuckhold/cuntquean fetish play into this topic?





As a romance writer, I believe in happily ever afters. I think for some people (characters) HEA means a committed 1:1 relationship but for others the configuration might look different. My challenge as a writer if I’m going to have a non-traditional pairing (multiple partners, an open relationship, BDSM contract allowing multiple partners) I need to ensure my readers know it’s a happily ever after for these characters and that for them the non-monogamy reinforces the relationship not devalues it.

Asexuality & Pansexuality & Trans-oriented

AsexualitySomeone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction.
Different than celibacy which is a choice.
The person who is asexual doesn’t feel desire to make sex part of their relationship with others BUT can decide to have sex.
((Some asexual people masturbate and have sex))
Gray Sexual: Someone who experiences sexual attraction to such a low degree or so rarely they identity within the asexuality spectrum.
Romantic Attraction/Orientation: Someone who is asexual may still want to form romantic relationships to opposite sex, same sex, and/or the entire range of gender. 
This video gives a brief overview and gives you a good basic framework.



Here's another resource:   Asexual101: Questions Answered
  PansexualityNo this is not sexual attraction to pans. This means someone who can experience attraction regardless of gender or sex. 
Another short video you might enjoy!




Trans-orientatedSomeone who is attracted to someone who is transgender. 
There's not a lot of information I can share with you because as Ms. Nina Arsenault (an educator in the video below) states most people who are attracted to people who are transgender aren't vocal about it. 
I do see parallels to the gay and lesbian communities of the past. It wasn't a safe option to admit sex same attraction let alone to act openly on it. There was little chance to explore a relationship beyond a quick fuck in the shadows. (Yes there were exceptions to this and my heart happy dances when I think of the odds these couples overcame to find love).  However, the sad truth was most of these men and women were not able to form attachments openly.
This same type of societal taboo affects most trans-oriented attraction. Relationships and marriage were/are discouraged therefore the only expression open to the trans-oriented person was/is sex>>>>> which reinforces the idea that trans-oriented people only want sex from the transgender community. 
I believe there are more people in the transgender stripe of the rainbow than actually identify as transgender (gender queer, non-binary, etc). These are new labels and people who fit into them may not even know they exist so can't/don't self-identify>>>>  therefore the transgender community sees them as THE OTHER (when they might very well be on the transgender spectrum).
At this distance it's easy to see the negative self-fulfilling prophecy that is being played out. Only through understanding and acceptance can we break this pattern. No one should sexualize the transgender community and we need to stop shaming the men and women who find trans-people alluring... to do so it extremely insulting to both parties. ((And I'm not discounting that there are some people who do sexualize transgender people and are only looking for sex... happens in every orientation.))   (This video focuses on guys who are attracted to trans women & allow me to warn you she uses some words that I find offensive but overall an interesting discussion)




One of the things I try to do in my writing is explore different expressions of sexuality. In Illusions & Dreams (categorized as a transgender romance) two of my main characters are transgender, someone who is pansexual (Jake O'Neil) and someone (Randy Camster) who thought he might be asexual until he finds he appreciates one of the singers at a club in Thailand.



                                                                                      Illusions & Dreams

Educated In Sex?

Most of us in the USA are not.Did you know: *There’s no required standard for sex education in the USA.

*Only 22 states mandate kids receive it… and only 13 states require the instruction to be medically accurate!!!  (Are you saying WTF yet?)

*8 states are considering regulations about what teachers can say about homosexuality… I’d hazard to guess based on the state this might not be a good thing.

*In the USA the average man 6.6 partners & women 4.3 partners (Think this stat might be low) But regardless we’re knocking boots (before marriage) pretending we don't is dangerous and scary.
Why did Congress increase abstinence only education from 50 to 75 million dollars?The average age of losing one's virginity in the USA is 17  

                                                        DON’T DO IT… isn’t practical

(SIDE NOTE: Bristol Palin was paid $200,000 to be a spokesperson of abstinence… and she’s pregnant again out of wedlock. Abstinence only education de-funds comprehensive programs that would prevent unwanted pregnancies) 


 Yes I let John Oliver do much of the work for me! And keeping with that here's the video his team made for sex education:


Clearly it's up to us to educate ourselves and pass on the information in a responsible manner. If you have kids you might want to see what they are learning and what they are not...

Education & Information is the best defense against ignorance.                                   Check your sex knowledge: Sex-Fu Challenge                                          (Thank you to Lauren Marks for sharing this link with me)

Hugs, Z.

Telling It Like It Is

((Note: I’ve been hurt by family/friends who feels it is super important to let everyone know how they feel…  so my feathers get ruffled and my own baggage is involved in this topic))

The proud tradition of ignoring how our words impact others… Telling It Like It Is

There’s a fine line between sharing your feelings and verbal vomit. There’s a time and a place for both but let’s not throw up our feelings without filters and suggest we’re just “Telling It Like It Is”…. 

While I believe we should speak our minds I think it’s acceptable in civilized society to use of filters when speaking to others:

1) The person can actually hear what you are saying and isn’t focusing on nonsense and the triggers your unfiltered words call up. If you actually want the person to understand your position you’ll want to do so in a way they can hear and process what you are trying to convey... use filters.

>>> If you believe Telling It Like It Is means you get free license to say anything you want you’re not concerned if it’s heard and processed... and I'd question what your agenda.

2) Hurting people for the sake of getting it off your chest is really just passing your negativity/hurt/pain onto others. So let’s not pretend otherwise. Filters are our friends.

What kind of filters am I suggesting? You know your audience (or you should if you’re Telling It Like It Is) how can you approach the subject in a way they can process.

An example: When I have a disagreement with my love I start with:  I love you very much but... then I state my issue.  Why?  I want him to understand/remind myself I love him but this issue needs to be addressed. It also gives me perspective (crumbs vs love) so much frustration can be tempered (most times).

One of the speaking your mind checks floating around the internet is: Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?

What you say and how you say it can be an act of kindness... or not.





Words matters. Chose yours with care. Think twice about verbal vomit before you spew.

Hugs, Z.

The Difference between Transgender People & Doing Drag

 Recently I had a number of people ask some questions about the T stripe on the rainbow vs drag... So I thought I'd give some simple definitions and basic information. This is not an exhaustive resource. 
What's the Difference Between Transgender People & Doing Drag?To quote one of my characters: Areva from Illusions & Dreams “You dress up to be a girl on stage! But I dress as a woman because that’s who I am!”
The Transgender 101


Transgender Person: An individual’s gender identity does not match the sex they were assigned at birth.
*Transman was assigned female at birth but identities as male.*Transwoman was assigned male at birth but identities as female.
Why do we say “assigned sex at birth”? The doctor can not assign gender at birth only sex (physical). A doctor looks between a babies legs and makes a judgment call: boy or girl.
According to Intersex Society of North Amercia 
1 in 100 differ from the standard body 1-2 in 1000 have surgery as infants to “normalize” the appearance. 
Distressing: Imagine someone who didn’t know you decided you didn’t look text book enough so they took a knife to your genitals. This still happens TODAY.

Another reminder: an individual who is transgender may or may not feel the need for any kind of affirmation surgery.

Drag Performer:A person who dresses up to perform as the opposite sex.
*Drag Queen male performing as a female*Drag King female performing as a male

Why?Some performers are just having fun. Some are getting in touch with the feminine side.Some do it as a challenging art form.Some do it as a way to explore their gender fluidity (identifying as both male and female)Some are exploring who they are (Many of the Drag Kings I know are also transgender and dressing in drag was their way of exploring it.)

Ladyboy: An individual who dresses as a woman but retains a penis. In Asia many ladyboys perform in clubs or work in stereotypical female jobs.
*The word ladyboy in the West is not appropriate but in Thailand it’s a title the performers I met aspire to in the clubs. Many retain the energy of both sexes.
Most of the ladyboys in Thailand I met were transgender but were afraid to get lower affirmation surgery (even if they wanted it) because they would no longer be eligible to work in many of the clubs. Most of them save up and get breast enhancements.  And many live as women outside of the clubs.
Some drag performers are transgender.Some transgender people have done or do drag.
Everyone is unique. Expression of sexuality and gender is can be very individualized.
Hugs, Z.
((I’d be remiss by not suggesting if you were interested in reading about two very different transgender people who happen to work in a Ladyboy Club you might enjoy Illusions & Dreams. It’s a romance with two different stories and it is based on my experiences in Bangkok)).                                                                              Illusions & Dreams 

The Difference between Transgender People & Drag

 Recently I had a number of people ask some questions about the T stripe on the rainbow vs drag... So I thought I'd give some simple definitions and basic information. This is not an exhaustive resource. 
What's the Difference Between Transgender People & Drag?To quote one of my characters: Areva from Illusions & Dreams “You dress up to be a girl on stage! But I dress as a woman because that’s who I am!”
The Transgender 101


Transgender Person: An individual’s gender identity does not match the sex they were assigned at birth.
*Transman was assigned female at birth but identities as male.*Transwoman was assigned male at birth but identities as female.
Why do we say “assigned sex at birth”? The doctor can not assign gender at birth only sex (physical). A doctor looks between a babies legs and makes a judgment call: boy or girl.
According to Intersex Society of North Amercia 
1 in 100 differ from the standard body 1-2 in 1000 have surgery as infants to “normalize” the appearance. 
Distressing: Imagine someone who didn’t know you decided you didn’t look text book enough so they took a knife to your genitals. This still happens TODAY.

Another reminder: an individual who is transgender may or may not feel the need for any kind of affirmation surgery.

Drag Performer:A person who dresses up to perform as the opposite sex.
*Drag Queen male performing as a female*Drag King female performing as a male

Why?Some performers are just having fun. Some are getting in touch with the feminine side.Some do it as a challenging art form.Some do it as a way to explore their gender fluidity (identifying as both male and female)Some are exploring who they are (Many of the Drag Kings I know are also transgender and dressing in drag was their way of exploring it.)

Ladyboy: An individual who dresses as a woman but retains a penis. In Asia many ladyboys perform in clubs or work in stereotypical female jobs.
*The word ladyboy in the West is not appropriate but in Thailand it’s a title the performers I met aspire to in the clubs. Many retain the energy of both sexes.
Most of the ladyboys in Thailand I met were transgender but were afraid to get lower affirmation surgery (even if they wanted it) because they would no longer be eligible to work in many of the clubs. Most of them save up and get breast enhancements.  And many live as women outside of the clubs.
Some drag performers are transgender.Some transgender people have done or do drag.
Everyone is unique. Expression of sexuality and gender is can be very individualized.
Hugs, Z.
((I’d be remiss by not suggesting if you were interested in reading about two very different transgender people who happen to work in a Ladyboy Club you might enjoy Illusions & Dreams. It’s a romance with two different stories and it is based on my experiences in Bangkok)).                                                                              Illusions & Dreams 

Dear Author Z.Allora,

((This is a note to myself I wrote as a reader while at Rainbow Con this past weekend.))
1) Readers don’t have to finish a book.Just because I started reading a book doesn’t mean I’ll finish it. If I don’t: there’s less of a chance I’ll buy a title from that author in the future, I won’t review it and I won’t recommend their work. As a reader authors please make me NEED to finish your book.

2) Give readers pay offsDon’t expect me to wait around… I (and many readers I’ve spoken to) won’t wait until halfway through for the book to “get interesting”, “understand the main character’s not a dick”, ‘for the action”… for the good stuff in general to happen. I’m not suggesting you feed the reader everything on page one but as a reader I should be compelled to read about the characters or the story… if not see number one.

3) Know your audience and feed themWho are your readers? That’s your audience. Those are the expectations you should care about meeting (if your agenda is to sell books)  A book is a contract between the author and reader: Give the reader what they love and they’ll love the author for it. If I go to a restaurant and ordered steak and the waiter returned with fish since it’s better for me… chances are you’re not pleased.

Yes it can feel very appealing to blur lines and break troupes… but if your audience has purchased a book for love and sex and you give them a documentary (even if they learn something) the audience walks away hungry.

Now there are authors who have reader trust. They will read what you write because they love you. However for some that love will only go so far. If I’m not being satisfied as a reader (as much as I ADORE some authors) I go elsewhere.

4) Buying book is investing in an author As a reader I vote with my dollars. If I see an author espousing views truly contrary to my own I might not (who am I kidding I won’t)… I won’t buy an author’s book if they’re prone to transphobia, homophobia, sexist or racism remarks… I simply can’t.

On the same note I’ve purchased books of authors whom I’d never read before simply because they stood up for what was right.

5) Don’t bury important stuffI have a life. It’s crazy and nightmarish at times. Books are a refuge. Unless I’m reading a mystery I don’t want to hunt for clues as to what’s happening. (Mind you some readers do but not me) When a tiny but pivotal fact is hidden in a long paragraph it might be lost to me as a reader. If I needed that information to successfully understanding the book I’m out of luck… even though the detail was there… I as a reader will never know it and possibly walk away unsatisfied.

>>>> Now I’ve pissed myself off… so a little more reality<<<<<

6) What is your agenda? Why am I writing? Do I want to be sell books or do I want to tell a specific story? Sometimes I can do both Hooray for me! Sometimes I can’t.

When I can’t:  I need to make conscious decision about the book. I MUST tell the story in my soul even if it doesn’t make me (or my publisher) money… If I chose this path I MUST be ready to accept the consequences and use different criteria to judge success: I told my story my way, I’ve touched people, I worked out a personal demon, whatever the reason I did. I can’t look at Amazon and bemoan the fact I didn’t break the Top 100/10, I didn’t make huge sums of $ or maybe the publisher isn’t ready to jump on my boat. Consequences…

If your goal is to sell books… there are ways to do that. Find those steps, write that book and go down that path… but if you deviant do so consciously.

7) Listen to your betas, critique partners & editorsThe issues they point out are the same your readers will have. Give information to the reader so everyone is on the same page with the character. It doesn’t matter if you’ve researched the subject or did the activity yourself.  If the readers confused or skeptical you’re not helping yourself by not addressing it.

A character loves to sky dive naked. Most readers have never done this activity so they need information. Educate with details (safety, procedures, checklists) so they can enjoy the experience with the characters.  Even if the author is a skilled naked skydiver, the reader still needs the training.

8) Maintain love your writing  Hugs, Z. Allora

Marital Advice

There are lots of ways to have a happy marriage but the best piece of advice I give is ONLY marry your best friend.
1) Argue:Arguments don’t have to be long drawn out dramas of screaming and slamming doors. They are disagreements that need to be worked out.
A) Don’t nitpick but don’t let things go. If something bothers tell your spouse… they married you but the license doesn’t bestow magical mind reading powers onto them. Deal with it don’t bury it. Don’t like to confront… that’s why you address each issue. It’s easier to talk about something bite size before a mountain of resentment and anger builds up.
B) Do so with love. During the discussion say I love you… not to distract your partner but to remind you BOTH you share love with one another. Talk to them with the same respect you’d speak to your ‘best’ friend.
C) Working through disagreements on small things you learn ways to deal with them so when something larger comes along you have the experience and expertise to know it’s not the end of the world. The two of you will work through it. (Yes WORK… marriage requires both parties to work)
D) Be honest but not purposefully hurtful. If you’re too angry, upset or hurt call for RADIO SILENCE. It’s a great way to get a time out. I utilize it when I'm too upset to hear or when I know my love is too upset and neither of us should be talking. Silence is better than saying hurtful things out of anger. Radio Silence = HUSH up NOW. (Then once you have space back to working out the issue)

2) Don’t be a Martyr Allowing your spouse everything and taking nothing for yourself is not healthy. Employ the airline philosophy of life: Put your air mask on before helping others with theirs… Take care of your own needs so you’re able to contribute to the partnership. If you’ve given everything and become an empty husk with nothing to give>>> how is that helping the team?

3) Play For The Same Team
What are your goals as a couple? What are your goals as an individual? VacationChildrenSaving up for houseSaving up for retirementHaving funGet your degreesGrowing your own vegetables WHATEVER
As a primary member of your team you should drive in the direction of your team goals and you should help further your spouse’s goal as well (& of course should be assisting you in accomplishing your dreams as well).
Goals change and evolve over time. Talk once in a while to ensure you're both still focused on the dreams. If not make the needed adjustments.
This doesn’t mean you give up on your individual goals but you make compromises to meet the priorities you have as a couple while you continue working on your personal goals. It shouldn’t be one or the other… though there are times one or the other of you might have to give more to make something happen for the good of the team (as will your other team mate).

Marry Your Best Friend
Marry someone who loves and accepts you for you. Someone who can make you laugh. Couple with someone who will work with you on your couple as well as your personal goals. Find someone you can trust to take care of you if the need arises and be willing to take care of them.

Marry someone who you are able to put their happiness in front of your own and they happily do the same for you.

Marriage is not heteronormative… though until recently it’s only been between a male and a female (In the past people just assumed married people were heterosexual… not always the case so let’s drop the label and the expectation.). Each couple needs to set the boundaries of their relationship is and goals they want to focus on.

There’s many ways and suggestions to make a happy marriage.  It’s up to each of us on, off, over and under the rainbow makes of marriage what you want it to be. It’s up to you to define what your marriage is and what equates to success. May you find a best friend to enrich the quality of your life.
Wishing you love, happiness and romance always.
Hugs, Z.