Amber L. Carter's Blog, page 25

Lake Superior Ice Caves, or, "Nature basically did all of this for me because it knew my birthday was coming up soon."

Living up here in the Northwoods, for some reason I always kind of feel like people need to ask for my permission before they can up for here for stuff like the Birkie or Fat Tire.

Or at least give me credit for being an obviously integral and super important part of the Northwoods that they're visiting and enjoying. 

Especially if they're people that I know… Part of it is just me being my territorial self, which is admittedly one of my less-awesome character traits (hi, every girl who's tried to date one of my guy friends! How are you? Sorry for being a jerk), but it's also something that I'm pretty sure I share with a lot of locals up here… This is OUR house. WE live here. Don't think you can come on up here and take a bunch of pictures and act like it's yours, because IT'S NOT.

The other part of it is just me being a self-absorbed jerk who doesn't like to share and still feels flabbergasted when offered proof that she's not the center of everyone's universe. I mean, if you're going to the Ice Caves, you're only going to be a short 45 minutes away from where I live. That's reason enough to plan your entire trip around the opportunity to see me, yeah?

Anyway.


The reason why I'm sharing this is because, when the Lake Superior Ice Caves opened in January for the first time in 5 years and everyone started going ballistic about it, I put it on my bucket list of Need-To-Do-At-First-Opportunity. First, because they are freaking ridiculously awesome and possibly a once-in-a-lifetime experience, but also because I didn't want 5,000 other jerks to get there first and ruin it all for me.

(This also works into another one of my neuroticisms, which is a minor panic that, if I'm going to some kind of show, experience, or party, I have to get there super early so that other people don't ruin it for me by crowding out the place or gobbling up all the good stuff. I grew up with brothers. A lot of stuff got ruined if I didn't get there first, okay!?

Boy, you guys are getting know me REALLY well with this post! I don't think 75% of the guys I've dated even knew all this about me. Let's get married. Two kids cool with you? Great.)

If you haven't yet heard about the Lake Superior Ice Caves, they're a natural wonder of the Apostle Islands National Lakeshore. During the summer, the sea caves of the Apostle Islands are only accessible by boat and kayak, so being able to access them by foot in the winter is already pretty awesome…but when wind, snow, and ice combine to form the ice caves, the magnificent result will make you feel that you've traveled to a different world altogether.





Glitter.
So when I was spending time with my family for my father's birthday and my mom asked if I wanted to venture up to the Ice Caves only a couple days before my birthday, I jumped at the chance.

I mean, what better way to celebrate my birthday than by marveling at natural wonders that were obviously created just for the anniversary of my very special birth?

So we headed up north to the Apostle Islands National Lakeshore, the entrance to the mainland sea caves along Lake Superior. My rad mom and I lucked out in that we decided to go on a weekday (Tuesday, to be exact) that just happened to be the warmest day the Northwoods had seen in weeks. We were also super lucky to roll in just as two packed school buses were leaving. The crowds were small enough that we got to park close to the entrance (as opposed to three miles down the highway, which some unlucky suckers experienced last weekend when visitors reached a record high).




The temp was around 14 degrees, but we still bundled up and used heated handwarmers inside our mittens...being seasoned lake visitors, we knew that conditions on the lake tend to be windy and chilly no matter what the temps are (especially since, I mean…you're walking on ice. You're on a miles-wide slab of frozen ICE). I also have to give my mom another high-five for bringing Yaktrax for us to wear on our boots - those things made the trek super easy and worry-free (especially for this girl, who only broke her tailbone a year ago after slipping on ice).


Man on ice. Pretty sure this'll be the next cover of National Geographic. Headline: "Newly Famous Ice Caves Explorer Fun, Also Cool."After a respectable hike - about a mile on a paved path of snow - we reached the Ice Caves, and they were AMAZING. Just ridiculously breathtaking. Giant sculptures of glittering, shimmering ice against red and brown rock. I'm already weirdly fascinated with everything Arctic, so having a natural wonder like this in my backyard just makes me feel so, so lucky to live here.


LOOK WHAT I MADE FOR YOU! #ForScale

I did all of this FOR YOU! SPECIAL! Just for YOU!Trekking back, we decided to hit up Big Water Coffee Roasters for something warm, which served as both motivation and reward for a really windy mile-long hike. If you don't know this about me yet, Big Water Coffee Roasters is one of my absolute favorite places on earth: The staff is always uber friendly (and hilarious…the barista on duty that day teased my mom and I about being on our cellphones instead of talking to each other. I was like, "Dude, we just hiked across Lake Superior together. We've talked enough."), the atmosphere is uber cool, and the coffee…it's tragic, basically, to be in Bayfield and *not* go to Big Water.

All in all, it was a wonderful day with my moms, and an uber awesome way to celebrate my 35th birthday. If you're even *thinking* about going, make haste and get up there - there's no telling how long the Ice Caves are going to be accessible or if they'll open again next winter (this is the first time in five years that they've been open to the public).

You still need to ask my permission if you're going to go, though.

And if you do, here are some tips I'll offer you!

* Call the Ice Line to ensure that the Caves will still be open to the public on the day of your visit. You can also get directions by following the link above.

* Go on a weekday, or go early/late on the weekend to beat the crowds. Current reports cite that the Caves are seeing around 6,000 people on weekends, so…that's a lot of people to maneuver around for your new Facebook profile pic, yeah? If you absolutely can't go on a weekday, then try to go around sunrise or right at sunset - you'll beat the crowds (not to mention get some super stellar photos).

* Leave the little ones at home. I am not exaggerating when I say that it's a trek out to the Caves, it's windy and old, and it can be a miserable experience for anyone who isn't totally gung ho on seeing the Caves. In my opinion, the Ice Caves themselves just aren't something that a kid under 7 can really appreciate. We heard a lot of crying and whining from little ones about being cold and bored, and I did not envy the hassle for some parents who thought sleds or shoulder carriers were a good idea.

* Bring cash for parking. Parking spots at the lake entrance cost $2, so if you're lucky to be parking off the highway, pull up to the cash dropbox in the parking lot and get your slip *before* you park (it will save you an extra trip back to your car to place your slip in your windshield). There's also shuttles available on weekends. 

* Bundle up . As previously mentioned, no matter what the temperature, it's always windy and chilly on the lake. Wear lots of layers, and snag some heated handwarmers at the gas station before you arrive - they are a lifesaver!

*Yaktrax are the best thing ever for the mile-long walk on ice and snow. Poles, not so much. They seemed to really slow people down. Go for the Yaks instead.

* Bring a fully charged phone or a camera for photos. I charged my phone to full power before we left, then turned it off and didn't turn it back on again until I was right in front of my first photo opportunity. The reception up there is spotty, so having it on - especially in those cold conditions - will drain your battery fast.

* Plan a warm-up spot afterward. Bayfield and Washburn both sport some of the coolest places in the Northwoods, so rushing back home after a visit to the Ice Caves is kind of the dumbest move ever.  Hit up Big Water Coffee Roasters for the best damn Pumpkin Spice Latte you've ever had (trust me on this one, ladies) or a Lavendar Mocha. If you're in the mood for alcohol, hit up The Bayfield Inn for one of the best Bloody Marys on the planet (and if they have fish tacos available while you're there, GET ONE). Or, tuck into The Snug in Washburn for a beer and some Scottish Eggs. If you're really out to grab a hold of the day, head to Ashland and visit the South Shore Brewery, Black Cat Coffeehouse, and Ashland Baking Company.

* Tweet me or tag me in your Facebook post so I can Like all your pictures and/or soak in your public gratitude for my amazing tips for your trip up here. Hope you have the greatest time!!!

But just remember:


Oh! Hello! I didn't even see you there…I was just lounging around on this ice formation, thinking classy thoughts...I was here first.

I can't be funny, smart, charming, AND be a good kisser, you guys. God has his limits, too, you know.

Because I am a very important and busy person in charge of multiple high-powered projects, I decided to take some time out of my hectic schedule this Valentine's afternoon to engage in a little kiss cam action with Ryan Gosling.

Sorry if you're totally jonesing to make out with me after looking at these pics. I'm saving myself for this guy that I met at a party a few years ago and who got my number a couple days later on Facebook but then I had to get a new phone a couple days after that and so he probably thinks that I blew him off even though I was totally smitten with him and would sigh out a "GOD you're hot" every time he posted a new photo and kept waiting for him to bring it up again but now apparently he has a girlfriend and they're in Hawaii right now, probably making out on the beach.

Not for long, though, after he gets totally jealous seeing me make out with Ryan Gosling and realizes what he's missing out on when it comes to some super great awesome kissing action from yours truly!

7 Ways To Be Your Own Valentine

Making a run to romance…with MYSELF! As someone who's only been coupled up for Valentine's Day maybe a handful of times in her entire life ( and half of those times were straight-up disasters), I totally get it…when you're a One + No One, being faced with the V (Day) can be a landline of emotions. 

We've all been there…from bitter in all-black, waving the "It's SINGLES AWARENESS DAY" flag, to quiet and wrapped up in sad self-doubt, to brave-faced and determined to make ti the best girl's night EVER… I've been there, and have done that. Chances are, you probably have, too. 
And here's the thing: There's nothing wrong with that. Who wants to be surrounded by gushy love stuff when it seems like everyone has it but you? (especially when you're forced to watch your most annoying coworker receive the most obnoxious arrangement of flowers and chocolate at the office while all you got was Jimmy John's…which, admittedly is still awesome, but why can't someone else order your own damn lunch for you?). 
As I get older, though (and obviously better), I've learned to take an entirely different perspective to Valentine's Day. 
Earlier this year, I had the stunning realization that I was the one I was waiting for. After spending my entire life planning, plotting, and pining for that one guy, that one relationship to come along, make my life perfect, and give me all the things I was waiting for, I suddenly realized…I can do all those things on my own, for myself, right now. Can do, and should do. Don't get me wrong: If and when it's right for my life, I'm totally psyched for a gorgeous grown-up love story with a stellar guy. But until then, I'm also pretty damn excited to get down to the business of having a gorgeous grown-up love story with my own sweet self. I'm no longer sitting around and waiting for the love magic to come into my life…I'm making it all happen for myself, right now. 
And you should, too.
And guess what day is absolutely perfect for that? 
So if you're in, here's 7 ways to be your own - hot, foxy, totally bombshell - Valentine.

(On this day, and every day)
1. Start your day with sweetness

Courtesy of Hayward Coffee Co.I kind of have this dork ritual that I like to save for special days: I'll wake up early, quickly throw on some clothes, and dash around the corner to Hayward Coffee Co. for my favorite crafted coffee drink. Then I'll rush home, change back into my pajamas, dive back into bed, and act like that coffee has just magically appeared at my bedside. 
Hey. Sometimes we singles have to do for ourselves, a'right?

I started doing this because one of my absolutely favorite things in the world is coffee/breakfast in bed (and the whole silly dash of getting it kind of adds extra fun to the whole deal). A handful of months ago, I decided that, instead of waiting around for someone else to do stuff like that for me, I could just start giving them to myself. 
The same goes for Valentine's Day - we are entirely capable of giving ourselves that which we seek from others, so why not start the holiday off with that note? Make yourself pancakes for breakfast…make time to take a long hot bath before work instead of your usual rushed shower…grab a doughnut - or better yet, a cupcake - at the best bakery in town on your way to the office. Do the thing that you hold off on doing, or that you secretly wish someone would surprise you with. 
2. Get foxy 

High heeled selfie deal.Ladytime Confessional: For a few years now - ever since I started writing full-time and working from home - I've had a habit of falling into that no makeup, hair up in a bun, yoga pants all day every day trap. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, if that's your jam...but it's really not mine. It was just that I was lazy, and didn't think that stuff mattered on days when I wasn't planning on meeting up with anyone. 
But then this year, that all changed. I started noticing that one of the things I admired most about some of the key women in my life was that they always took the time to look flawless, no matter what they were doing or who they were going to see that day, whereas I only really put out all the stops if I was going where the boys were. What I had once considered as a waste of makeup and a good hair day was now an act of self-love. I began to realize that even if I was alone all day, seeing myself in perfect makeup with my hair all did gave me a little lift every time I looked in the mirror. I liked myself more, when I put in the effort, even if it was just for me.
And, being single, one of the relationship-type things that I tend to miss most is that whole ritual of getting ready for a date. I looove that slow preparation and polishing up, where you put out all the stops and act like it's prom all over again. So now, on days like Valentine's Day, I do it all for myself. Pretty toes, soft legs, shiny hair, glowy skin, Pinterest-worthy ensemble. And what's sexier than a girl - or a guy - who looks hot all for themselves? Plus, it gets you ready for #3:
3. Take your fine self on a date 

Before you roll your eyes, I'm not talking sad-sap Table For One type stuff. I'm talking straight-up, going anywhere you want to go, spend your time exactly how you want to spend it type dates. It's one of the best parts of having a Valentine's Day all to yourself. 
I first got into Me Dates after reading The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. As she says: 

The Artist Date is a once-weekly, festive, solo expedition to explore something that interests you… Artist Dates fire up the imagination. They spark whimsy. They encourage play. Since art is about the play of ideas, they feed our creative work by replenishing our inner well of images and inspiration. When choosing an Artist Date, it is good to ask yourself, “what sounds fun?” — and then allow yourself to try it. 

Even if you don't consider yourself an "artist", this is still an unbelievably great idea when it comes to truly knowing and loving yourself. As I emphasized in bold type above, allow yourself to try it. Go to a movie by yourself, just to see what it's like when you're flying solo. Spend hours wandering your favorite bookstore. Explore that museum you've wondered about. Get a hotel room downtown or in a new city to gain a fresh perspective. Sign up for that workshop or drop into that yoga class you've always wondered about. 
What have you been putting off until you had a partner to do it with? Go do that thing.
4. Treat Yo' Self


Here’s the BEST part of being your own Valentine – you get ALL the things! All the gifts? They’re for you. No worrying about getting that person you’ve been dating for three weeks a gift that comes off as either too serious or not enough, no stressing about having to shill out major buckage so soon after the holidays, and no awkward “Oh hey…you got me a gift? Oh, I totally got you one, too! Except…I forgot it…at home…” faux pas.

Buy yourself the expensive jeans that make you want to check out your own ass. Gift yourself with the miracle-working Clairsonic (or the more affordable and just as great Neutrogena Microdermabrasion System) that will make your skin so soft that all you'll want to do all day is ooh and aah as you caress your own face or feet (trust me: I did it, my friends did it, you'll do it). Splurge on a new scent that makes you feel sexy and gorgeous and ethereal and captivating all at once. Book a massage, get the pedicure package with all the bells and whistles, or order the thing that's been hanging around on your Wish List, whispering your pretty name every time you log into Amazon. Give yourself the thing that you almost never give yourself…something pretty and indulgent and non-practical and just for you. For me, it's jewelry (I picked up these stellar stars for myself today) and gorgeously scented soy candles. 

I might also get myself cable. Still deciding…it could be the best gift I give to myself or the worst, depending on how you look at it.  
5. Make a V-Day Playlist just for your own hot self



For me, music is therapy. Nothing can affect my mood or change my outlook on life more than an expertly curated playlist. Last year I decided to make a Nerdbomb Valentine's Day Playlist filled with all of the favorite easy-listening, soft rock/yacht classics I love, being the incredibly mature and unbelievably cool grown-up that I am. It's so fantastically cheeseball that it literally fills me with glee when I listen to it…and that right there serves as a reminder for a couple of the biggest traits I like and love about myself: My dorkatron sense of humor, and my lifelong ability to have a blast all by myself. 
The best trick to a Valentine's Day Playlist for your own self is to fill it with songs that make you feel hot, hyper, and happy. The kind of jams that make you wanna dance your hot ass across the floor. Get down with the girl power, ladies, just for today: Blast the Beyonce, amp up the Alicia Keys, rock it out with Robyn, pack in the P!nk. 
6. Shower Yourself with Some Self-Care


Self-care is fucking fun. And you know what? Almost everyone I know doesn't give themselves enough of it. It is so freaking important to carve out some time and space to restore and replenish your mind and body. Dive into bed early for a couple extra hours of sleep…start off your day with some sweet meditation or slow yoga…dig into that spiritual tome you've been curious about…institute a daily journaling habit or gratitude list. There are few things that say "I fucking love myself!" more than being super kind to your body, mind, and heart. 
If you're feeling sore about being single on Valentine's Day, one of my favorite tips is to practice self care in a way that opens your heart, instead of buries it. I really like guided meditations by Gabrielle Bernstein, a spiritual teacher who's so been there when it comes to struggling with singleness and striving for self love. There's also this book called The Soulmate Secret that sounds super cheesy, but it's actually really fun: The exercises Arielle Ford outlines in the book get you back into that optimistic mindset of enjoying the process of getting yourself ready for the raddest relationship of your life, and instead of just sitting around, waiting for that perfect person to just show up, it makes you feel like you're being proactive about calling in what you want. 

I've also really been digging The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte: It guides you to focus on how you most want to feel in your life, which sounds simple but is actually ultra-powerful. And when you're busy focusing on the good feels, the sad sap ones don't have room to crowd into your party. 
7. Love shared is love squared

Erica gets it.
Or not. Advanced mathematics tain't my strong suit.

One of the best lessons I've learned in my life is this: The best way to bring love into your life is to give it out. 
Kind of like how Thanksgiving is more than just about the turkey, Valentine's day is more than just about the gushy romantic stuff. Make it about all the people in your life that you love, and better yet, make it about it giving love to those who might a little bit more of it in their lives. Also, it's a freaking blast to make someone's Valentine's Day by surprising them with random acts of radicalness. You know who could use a Valentine's Day delivery of great, locally roasted coffee? Hospital RN's and nursing home residents. Those baristas who make your morning by greeting you by name and remembering your order (and then making it perfectly)? Make their morning for once by bringing them cupcakes or leaving them a ridiculously big tip. Send your friends Valentine's Day cards scrawled with things that you absolutely love about them. Bring chocolate for that coworker who makes you love your job more just by being a part of it. Spend the whole day tweeting nice things to the people who make your internet life super freaking rad. You'll be surprised by how absolutely amazing this stuff makes you feel, and how you can't wait to do more of it. 

No matter how you spend Valentine's Day - whether coupled up or going it solo ("solo, solo, solooooo…") - here's to cupcake wishes and cafe au lait dreams, and I hope it's one wild and magical day that reminds you of how fucking amazing you are. 

('Cause I mean, you wouldn't be reading this blog if you weren't, right?)
What are you excited to do just for you this Valentine's Day? Gush about it in the comments, and let's get this (self) love fest started.

The Candida Diaries: Day 14 - Day 20

Day 14 weigh-in: 198.8

The beginning of this week, I really focused on trying to find the joy in this Candida Diet thing. The first step for this, to me, was to find and practice a daily yoga routine that would help build flexibility. I don't know why, but I get super jazzed about the thought of being able to do bendy headstands and other poses in yoga. It's kind of like a mental vision board for me right now: Every time I get tired or bored with this candida diet thing, I just think about being able to do this:



and I feel more excited about eating super clean and being full of great health and other boring stuff like that.

I started doing this routine every day, either first thing in the morning or right before bed (soooo good at working out kinks and sore muscles after a long day).



I usually find Stiles' constant running commentary to be aggravating - especially when I'm trying to relax and sink into the poses - but I don't tend to mind it during this routine.

One of the highlights of this week was getting to sit down for a long conversation with a friend, Paulette. We talked a lot about gluten-free foods and teas and what it's like to give up stuff we love. Our conversation made me grateful for people who just get it. It's interesting how this whole candida overgrowth diet thing can be so boring sometimes, but also really, really interesting, especially when it gives me a chance to connect with others who've navigated life along the gluten-free / Paleo / autoimmune disease / sugar-free paths

And then THE BEST part of the week, which was a wonderful email from my doctor:

After my little meltdown a few days before, when I wrote to her about my frustration with the limited diet and the setbacks that I was experiencing with it, she advised a bit of a looser protocol. I think she could sense that I was on the verge of giving up, suggested that I slow down a bit and give this whole candida overgrowth thing a bit of a wider view.

First, she told me that it sounded like the setbacks I've been experiencing have largely been a result of bloating (which could either be a sign of inflammatory response, or it could be something as simple as eating too many raw vegetables in the winter or adding too much salty seasoning to my meat, etc)…which is easily taken care of by my body in a couple of days with good hydration and steamed vegetables, etc, but if I'm weighing myself every day, then it's easy to freak out about it. So she agreed that it was best to stop weighing myself daily until I was ready to start adding in new foods on a regular basis.

Then, she gave me the go-ahead to cheat a little on my birthday (!). Don't go crazy, she warned, but if treating myself to my favorite things on my birthday will make it easier for me to stick with this overgrowth diet thing for the long haul, then a little indulgence to tide me over could be a good thing. But, on the other hand, she worried that cheating would only set off another week of cravings, and that a few slips would make it easier/more permissive for me to keep allowing myself slips, so she wanted me to approach it carefully. "A latte isn't going to be the end of the world, but make sure that whatever you have is worth another few weeks tacked on to the end of your treatment."

And then, she gave me THE GREATEST NEWS EVER:

I could have one cup of decaf coffee in the morning, as long as I stuck to decaf, ONE cup a day, and I didn't experience any adverse effects. "Happy birthday," she joked.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

I have to make sure to stick to organic coffee, and try to find the freshest and darkest roasted beans possible, and with everything that I've read about coffee and adrenals and mold in relation to candida, I will definitely be on high-alert for how it's affecting my body (a.k.a., if I detect even the smallest amount of congestion when I wake up in the morning, I gotta cut myself off for a while), but…holy cow, you guys. Best birthday week present EVERRRRR!!!!

Speaking of high-alerts/affects, here's two things that I've thought more about this week than I probably have in my entire life:

Digestion

&

Congestion.

I will make you this solemn vow right now that I am never going to give you the intimate details of my digestion habits. It's just never going to happen. Anything that has to do with bodily functions - it's not going to come from me, and if it comes from you, I will politely excuse myself from the conversation. But one thing my candida overgrowth diagnosis has done has made me really, really aware and in tune with my body and its inner workings. I never ever thought that I would be remotely interested in stuff like making sure my digestion is as smooth as a dream, but…I'm actually finding it pretty fascinating. There's just so much stuff I never thought about before, when it came to my body and making sure that everything is in top-notch working condition on the inside…it's kind of fun to realize that I not only care now, but I care a lot about being kinder to myself and going easier on my body when it comes to what it needs to do its job.

Speaking of being in tune: Congestion, you guys! Barring a cold, even the slightest sign of congestion is now an alarm that something is wrong. I pay attention to that shit now. It's annoying. Again, we don't need to get into intimate details because that stuff is gross, but it's so crazy and kind of cool how the body works in such weird ways. Congestion is now a sign that I've consumed something that my body can't handle - how wild is that?! Instead of being a sign that something external is invading my body, it's now a sign that something internal is off. SCIENCE, BABIES!

So anyway. That was pretty much the wrap-up for the third week of the Candida Diaries. Things look more joyful and a lot easier from here on out.

Day 20 weigh-in: 194.2

Candida Diaries: Day 13

[Tomorrow will begin the weekly installments of the Candida Diaries, beginning with Day 14 - Day 21]


One of the weirdest parts about this whole Candida overgrowth diet things that I literally have DREAMS where I realize that I'm eating something I'm not supposed to eat. Last night it was an all-you-can eat ice cream and cupcake bar with Keibler Elf cookies at some kid's birthday party. I was like, "Oh thank you, I'll just take all the cupcakes and cookies and ice cream you have", and then after I had stuffed my face with them, I was like, NOOOOOOOOOOO! It's kind of hilarious, since, with the exception of being resentful that I have to give certain things up, I haven't even really felt tempted to cheat at all. 

On the plus side, I'm starting to feel a lot more energetic. I did Vinyasa yoga tonight, and I think I'm ready to start picking up weights again. I kind of held off these past couple of weeks because I wanted to give my body time to adjust, but I'm starting to really miss it. A few months ago my pal David added me to a new group distance coaching program he was starting, and I looooved it. I'll talk it about it more in upcoming posts since it challenged me on a couple of different levels, but having to drop it in the past few weeks has really kind of sucked: I miss that feeling of being challenged and getting stronger with each workout. Now that my energy's back up, I'm psyched to get back into it.

-------------------------
Catch up, half-pint: 

Candida overgrowth, which (not to be dramatic) is pretty much the worst thing ever

The Candida Diaries: Pre-Day

The Candida Diaries: Day 1 

The Candida Diaries: Day 2

The Candida Diaries: Day 3

The Candida Diaries: Day 4

The Candida Diaries: Day 5 

The Candida Diaries: Day 6

The Candida Diaries: Day 7

The Candida Diaries, Day 8

The Candida Diaries, Day 9

The Candida Diaries Day 10

The Candida Diaries Day 11

The Candida Diaries Day 12

The Candida Diaries: Day 12

"Sooo…I've noticed that you haven't posted about the Candida Diaries for a while… How's it going?" My best friend Katy asked, during our schedule phone date last week. 

It started with the Sunday after the Virgin Mary incident. 

I stepped on the scale the next morning, and discovered that my weight was up one whole pound. How is that POSSIBLE?! I wondered to myself, as I stared at the number on the scale. How is it possible that I walked the equivalent of ten miles the day before, practically burned off every calorie I consumed, and the only thing different about my diet was a mason jar of virgin bloody mary mix. How does that equal ONE WHOLE POUND?! 



It made me feel like I was in this sort of prison: Every time I want to try something new, every time I want to add variety - even if it's on the list of things I should be able to eat right now - I feel like my body's all, "NOPE. Sorry, sucka!" And I might be rushing it a bit - I will allow for that…but I was so frustrated. I was frustrated that this setback, like the one with the roasted nuts, meant that I was staring down the barrel of yet another week or two of only meat and veg. I was frustrated that my body sucks so hard with this Candida Overgrowth thing. I am incredibly freaking frustrated that, with the exception of special occasions and a few choice indulgences (a glass of wine or two maybe twice a week, a latte on Sundays), I used to willfully cut out sugar and carbs in almost everything. I ate incredibly clean, and still I got this diagnosis. That fucking sucks, you guys. THIS WHOLE TIME I could have been eating every sugary, creamy, doughy, beautifully fattening thing that I LOVE and it still wouldn't have made a fucking difference. But instead I restricted myself in the name of health, only to find out that I had to restrict myself even more because this actions didn't mean shit in the face of this deal. 

I ended up wrapping myself up in my down comforter, bunking down in my favorite easy chair, and alternating between reading and feeling sorry for myself for about 75% of the rest of the day. 



It's just…there's no joy anymore. When it comes to food or diet, it's just hard: Complicated but also boring and just...not fun. I just want a fucking latte. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and make an Americano - even if it's decaf - and just have one small pleasure from my old life back. Get to keep one little thing. And more and more, I'm finding myself increasingly annoyed with people who try to tell me that pretty soon I won't even miss XYZ anymore! Wanna know why? BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUCKING TRUE. I will ALWAYS miss white chocolate mochas and turtle cheesecake and Magnolia cupcakes and hot crusty bread with homemade pasta and big, malty, hoppy, foamy, cold craft beers. I am being totally freaking honest in saying that I will never, ever look at those things and say to myself, "Oh, I don't miss you at ALL!", because I will ALWAYS want them. And I absolutely resent those who haven't experienced this kind of a diagnosis who try to tell me that this is all going to be sooo worth it. Wanna know why? Because those people have a choice…they don't have to give up those things because of an allergy or a diagnosis, and if they have given up those things, it's because they wanted to. Maybe giving up Pumpkin Spice Lattes on my #DayofRest or a glass of Reisling on Bachelor Monday Nights for better health isn't fucking worth it to me. Am I doing it? Yeah, I am, because I'm an adult and I don't want to get Lupus. But is it worth it? Hmmm... Right now? NOT FUCKING REALLY. 



So yeah. It was a hard day. 

Towards the evening I sort of started pulling myself out of my funk. I wrote an email to my doctor, outlying my setbacks and my frustrations and asking for some guidance in both. Then I took a long hot bath and thought about how, a handful of months earlier, I had taken a vow to love myself and my body more, and how this Candida stuff is actually making that harder. It's really easy for me to become infuriated with my body over this stuff. I resent the fact that it's being such a wuss when it comes to adding in variety. even though deep down I know it's actually my fault for not taking care of it years before, it's really easy to kind of take that enemy mentality with stuff like this.

So I did a little reconfiguring. I figured that, if I'm in this for the long haul, then I've got to find ways to embrace it. I have to get excited about how much healthier I'm feeling and becoming. I have to get excited about this new lifestyle that I'm apparently tied to for the next six to nine months, if not more. I have to find ways to find joy within that lifestyle…even it means I have to write out a freaking "Hey, health is great" gratitude list every morning and every night. 



And I have to stop weighing myself every day. On one hand, it's hard to give up that daily weigh-in because watching that number go down has become one of the few benefits to this Candida thing, and looking forward to a new number the next morning is some strong-ass motivation when it comes to getting through a hard, craving-laden day. However, hard as I try, I am still not there yet when it comes to fighting off that old tendency to let that number on the scale rule how I feel about myself for the rest of the day. And until I do start adding in more variety and testing new foods, there's no point in a daily weigh-in. So I'm going to start doing a weekly weigh-in instead. 

I'll also be switching to weekly entries of the Candida Diaries, as well. As I get more into this thing, I predict that my daily entries are going to get more boring…how many people out there really want to know what I'm eating every day? (And if you do, I can just tell you right now: Lean meats (except pork), greens such as kale, brussels sprouts, broccoli, etc, and occasionally plain greek yogurt and kefir with some roasted flax seeds. Whoa, right? Excitement Station over here!). And as other projects start to pick up, I just don't have it in me to do a whole post every day. Besides, I really want to get back to focusing on loving myself and my body from a whole life standpoint (as opposed to whining about my body from a Candida standpoint). 

So yeah. That's the wrap with that. 




-------------------------
Catch up, half-pint: 

Candida overgrowth, which (not to be dramatic) is pretty much the worst thing ever

The Candida Diaries: Pre-Day

The Candida Diaries: Day 1 

The Candida Diaries: Day 2

The Candida Diaries: Day 3

The Candida Diaries: Day 4

The Candida Diaries: Day 5 

The Candida Diaries: Day 6

The Candida Diaries: Day 7

The Candida Diaries, Day 8

The Candida Diaries, Day 9

The Candida Diaries Day 10

The Candida Diaries Day 11

The Candida Diaries: Day 11

What a horrible, horrible place.
[image: southwestsystemsuk.comToday was another double-shift, so my goal was to give myself a lot more calories than usual so I wouldn't feel hungry or low energy. I've also decided that the trick to doing the greek yogurt/flax seed breakfast thing is on days when I'm at the brewpub and need that extra carb kick that the flax seed gives me. So I had that, and then stuck to lean meats and veg during the day. At the end of the evening, I had half a bowl of Brussel Sprouts left and didn't even feel that hungry, which is a feat after a double shift. 

Since I had to stay later than usual to wait for a table of lolly-gaggers, I checked out our recipe for our bloody mary mix. Everything in it seemed kosher - the only thing that was maaaaybe a little suspect was the Worcestershire sauce, but I knew that only a little amount was added to the mix, so I decided to try it (virgin style, of course). I was inwardly delighted at the thought that I might now have an option other than water when meeting up with friends for happy hours or weekend gathering. 
But by the time I got home, I was feeling super bloated and not great. I logged my calories into My Fitness Pal and realized that I had eaten waaay more than usual. That was offset by the number of physical activity I had done that day, of course, but it was still surprising. The trick of it is, it's really hard to gorge yourself on greens and vegetables, but a huge number of that day's calories had come from meat and protein, which I do want to be careful about, especially if I'm not yet lifting on a regular basis. So I guess what I'm trying to say is: Teachable moments are still valuable, even if you're only really teaching yourself and no one else gives a shit. 
The Virgin Mary, though…I was immediately frustrated with how bloated I was feeling. It was similar to how I feel when I drink more than one beer - like a balloon ready to pop. It was so disheartening, you guys…I was so excited to maybe have this thing that I could add to my mental folder of Candida Do's and almost immediately my body was like, "GFY." And it could be a lot of different things - it could be the overload of spices or salt, the acidity of the tomato base, the small but impactful amount of Worcestershire or something added to the mix that wasn't in the recipe (Sriracha, for example - did you guys know that it's LOADED with sugar?!). 
Sometimes I really miss the days when I could just order something without caring about what was in it...

The Candida Diaries: Day 10

The easiest recipe ever,  and yet you'll be asking these things to marry you by the time you're done with them.
Weigh-in: 200.6

I've broken out of the three-day plateaaaaauuuuu! YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY.
Since I was working a double-shift at the brewpub today, I literally tried to stuff my face so that I wouldn't be lagging or experiencing hunger pains. I did kefir and flax seed in the morning along with a pepper, onion, and asparagus frittata, made AMAZING chicken drumsticks before work (check out the recipe here), and the boys at work were nice enough to work with my needed modifications when it came to my food. There were a couple times when I felt like I was lagging, and by the time my break came around, I was definitely super hungry, but overall it was a much better day than my previous double the week before. 

However, after logging my meals via My Fitness Pal and then logging my steps via Noom Walk, I still ended up with a 1064 calorie deficit. Which, today, is fine: Since I ate enough to receive adequate nutrition and even went over 1200 (which is usually a struggle), I'm not concerned about having a deficit due to activity level. Tomorrow is another double shift, though, so I'm going to test a larger amount of calories and try to figure out what's the best number to take in during a day of high activity like that. Because again…while the the weight loss is SO nice - especially after two years of struggling and little to no progress - my biggest priority right now is make sure my body is healthy and had adequate energy and nutrition so it can heal and fight off this overgrowth thing. Also, lagging at work really sucks, especially when a huge part of my job depends on me swiftly delivering craft beer to thirsty cross-country skiers. They could die, you guys, if I don't get them that beer fast enough. You don't even know. 

-------------------------
Catch up, half-pint: 

Candida overgrowth, which (not to be dramatic) is pretty much the worst thing ever

The Candida Diaries: Pre-Day

The Candida Diaries: Day 1 

The Candida Diaries: Day 2

The Candida Diaries: Day 3

The Candida Diaries: Day 4

The Candida Diaries: Day 5 

The Candida Diaries: Day 6

The Candida Diaries: Day 7

The Candida Diaries, Day 8

The Candida Diaries, Day 9

The Candida Diaries: Day 9

There's no room for you here anymore, nuts. 
Weigh-in: 201.4

It’s the nuts. 

With my weight having plateaued for the third day in a row, and since all I ate yesterday was veg and meat except when I went to the movies and brought my grandma snacks along, it's either that my body is reacting to them, I ate too many of them, or I shouldn't have roasted nuts yet (roasting brings the natural sugars to the surface, which is also why roasted vegetables are so much more awesome that raw or steamed ones. Look it up under SCIENCE). 

I'm annoyed, because a part of me feels like, hey, this is a sign, I'm pushing my body too much too soon, and another part is screaming that I just want VARIETY already. 

And I'm still working on my whole attitude with the weigh-ins and everything, but honestly? Sometimes, knowing that I'm finally dropping weight again and that I get to wake up in the morning and see a new number is one of the few things that keeps me going through the latte deprivation and the dark chocolate cravings. So when that part of my day is disappointing…it just makes it that much harder to not be resentful. 

But whatever. I guess I'll go back to only meat and veg for a few days and see what happens. 

Goddamn nuts. I was so happy when I thought I could have you in my life again. And now it's like…I lost you before I even really had you, you know? You were gone before I even really got to know you again. Maybe we'll meet again and things will be different…or maybe I'll wait so long that I won't even want you anymore. Wouldn't that be a twist…the tables would be turned for sure, then, wouldn't they? After all the emotional upheaval you've caused, maybe you deserve for me to turn my back on you for once and for all. Then maybe you'll come to appreciate the time we once had together that you can never get back AGAIN!

(I might be a little emotional about the nut thing... I'll probably feel better tomorrow, though)

On the other side of things, I've been reading this girl on MindBodyGreen lately and have really started to enjoy her. 

[watch her story here]

Despite the fact that she obviously does not get the love affair with coffee, I really love the idea of "being so incredibly kind to myself" and turning my living space into a health retreat. I'm getting into this wellness stuff, you guys. Even though…I mean, I kind of have to right now…I'm into it. Wellness people make out a lot, right? I mean, what's hotter than seeing a girl throwing back a green smoothie, amirite? Let's do this thing. Let's be all healthy and zen and shit! 

Seriously, though, I'm pretty into it. 

-------------------------
Catch up, half-pint: 

Candida overgrowth, which (not to be dramatic) is pretty much the worst thing ever

The Candida Diaries: Pre-Day

The Candida Diaries: Day 1 

The Candida Diaries: Day 2

The Candida Diaries: Day 3

The Candida Diaries: Day 4

The Candida Diaries: Day 5 

The Candida Diaries: Day 6

The Candida Diaries: Day 7

The Candida Diaries, Day 8

The Candida Diaries: Day 8

Weigh-in: 201.4
So, since my weight stabilized today, I knew something was up: Either I really didn’t eat enough calories yesterday and my body went into starvation mode, or I’m giving it something that it can’t handle yet. 

So for most of the day, I went back to all veg and protein, and tried to hit the 1200 calorie mark. However, that night my friend Lacy and I decided to hit the movies, and since I knew that it would be torture to forgo the usual movie snacks (Reece’s Pieces and Pepsi...the only time I have either of those things is at the movies, and I LOVE THAT ABOUT MYSELF), I decided to bring along a bag of roasted almonds and hazelnuts. This was actually a good on-the-fly lesson for me… At some point I'm going to have to sit down and figure out how to manage in unpredictable and/or social situations. I should probably make a list and stock up on stuff that I can take with me in the event of dire hunger pains or less-than-great options when I'm out and about. 

However, the hard part about eating roasted almonds and hazelnuts in a dark movie theater is that it’s really hard to keep track of how many you’re eating, so I had to guesstimate at the end of the day. The good news is that I’m pretty sure it brought up my calorie count for the day….the bad news? It might have been just a little bit too many nuts...

OH! And I learned that I shouldn’t use that cinnamon Super Dieter’s Tea. Apparently if you let it seep too long or have more than one cup of it a day, it turns into a serious laxative because it contains Stenna. Whoops! 


Living and learning, people. Living. And LEARNING.