7 Ways To Be Your Own Valentine

Making a run to romance…with MYSELF! As someone who's only been coupled up for Valentine's Day maybe a handful of times in her entire life ( and half of those times were straight-up disasters), I totally get it…when you're a One + No One, being faced with the V (Day) can be a landline of emotions. 

We've all been there…from bitter in all-black, waving the "It's SINGLES AWARENESS DAY" flag, to quiet and wrapped up in sad self-doubt, to brave-faced and determined to make ti the best girl's night EVER… I've been there, and have done that. Chances are, you probably have, too. 
And here's the thing: There's nothing wrong with that. Who wants to be surrounded by gushy love stuff when it seems like everyone has it but you? (especially when you're forced to watch your most annoying coworker receive the most obnoxious arrangement of flowers and chocolate at the office while all you got was Jimmy John's…which, admittedly is still awesome, but why can't someone else order your own damn lunch for you?). 
As I get older, though (and obviously better), I've learned to take an entirely different perspective to Valentine's Day. 
Earlier this year, I had the stunning realization that I was the one I was waiting for. After spending my entire life planning, plotting, and pining for that one guy, that one relationship to come along, make my life perfect, and give me all the things I was waiting for, I suddenly realized…I can do all those things on my own, for myself, right now. Can do, and should do. Don't get me wrong: If and when it's right for my life, I'm totally psyched for a gorgeous grown-up love story with a stellar guy. But until then, I'm also pretty damn excited to get down to the business of having a gorgeous grown-up love story with my own sweet self. I'm no longer sitting around and waiting for the love magic to come into my life…I'm making it all happen for myself, right now. 
And you should, too.
And guess what day is absolutely perfect for that? 
So if you're in, here's 7 ways to be your own - hot, foxy, totally bombshell - Valentine.

(On this day, and every day)
1. Start your day with sweetness

Courtesy of Hayward Coffee Co.I kind of have this dork ritual that I like to save for special days: I'll wake up early, quickly throw on some clothes, and dash around the corner to Hayward Coffee Co. for my favorite crafted coffee drink. Then I'll rush home, change back into my pajamas, dive back into bed, and act like that coffee has just magically appeared at my bedside. 
Hey. Sometimes we singles have to do for ourselves, a'right?

I started doing this because one of my absolutely favorite things in the world is coffee/breakfast in bed (and the whole silly dash of getting it kind of adds extra fun to the whole deal). A handful of months ago, I decided that, instead of waiting around for someone else to do stuff like that for me, I could just start giving them to myself. 
The same goes for Valentine's Day - we are entirely capable of giving ourselves that which we seek from others, so why not start the holiday off with that note? Make yourself pancakes for breakfast…make time to take a long hot bath before work instead of your usual rushed shower…grab a doughnut - or better yet, a cupcake - at the best bakery in town on your way to the office. Do the thing that you hold off on doing, or that you secretly wish someone would surprise you with. 
2. Get foxy 

High heeled selfie deal.Ladytime Confessional: For a few years now - ever since I started writing full-time and working from home - I've had a habit of falling into that no makeup, hair up in a bun, yoga pants all day every day trap. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, if that's your jam...but it's really not mine. It was just that I was lazy, and didn't think that stuff mattered on days when I wasn't planning on meeting up with anyone. 
But then this year, that all changed. I started noticing that one of the things I admired most about some of the key women in my life was that they always took the time to look flawless, no matter what they were doing or who they were going to see that day, whereas I only really put out all the stops if I was going where the boys were. What I had once considered as a waste of makeup and a good hair day was now an act of self-love. I began to realize that even if I was alone all day, seeing myself in perfect makeup with my hair all did gave me a little lift every time I looked in the mirror. I liked myself more, when I put in the effort, even if it was just for me.
And, being single, one of the relationship-type things that I tend to miss most is that whole ritual of getting ready for a date. I looove that slow preparation and polishing up, where you put out all the stops and act like it's prom all over again. So now, on days like Valentine's Day, I do it all for myself. Pretty toes, soft legs, shiny hair, glowy skin, Pinterest-worthy ensemble. And what's sexier than a girl - or a guy - who looks hot all for themselves? Plus, it gets you ready for #3:
3. Take your fine self on a date 

Before you roll your eyes, I'm not talking sad-sap Table For One type stuff. I'm talking straight-up, going anywhere you want to go, spend your time exactly how you want to spend it type dates. It's one of the best parts of having a Valentine's Day all to yourself. 
I first got into Me Dates after reading The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. As she says: 

The Artist Date is a once-weekly, festive, solo expedition to explore something that interests you… Artist Dates fire up the imagination. They spark whimsy. They encourage play. Since art is about the play of ideas, they feed our creative work by replenishing our inner well of images and inspiration. When choosing an Artist Date, it is good to ask yourself, “what sounds fun?” — and then allow yourself to try it. 

Even if you don't consider yourself an "artist", this is still an unbelievably great idea when it comes to truly knowing and loving yourself. As I emphasized in bold type above, allow yourself to try it. Go to a movie by yourself, just to see what it's like when you're flying solo. Spend hours wandering your favorite bookstore. Explore that museum you've wondered about. Get a hotel room downtown or in a new city to gain a fresh perspective. Sign up for that workshop or drop into that yoga class you've always wondered about. 
What have you been putting off until you had a partner to do it with? Go do that thing.
4. Treat Yo' Self


Here’s the BEST part of being your own Valentine – you get ALL the things! All the gifts? They’re for you. No worrying about getting that person you’ve been dating for three weeks a gift that comes off as either too serious or not enough, no stressing about having to shill out major buckage so soon after the holidays, and no awkward “Oh hey…you got me a gift? Oh, I totally got you one, too! Except…I forgot it…at home…” faux pas.

Buy yourself the expensive jeans that make you want to check out your own ass. Gift yourself with the miracle-working Clairsonic (or the more affordable and just as great Neutrogena Microdermabrasion System) that will make your skin so soft that all you'll want to do all day is ooh and aah as you caress your own face or feet (trust me: I did it, my friends did it, you'll do it). Splurge on a new scent that makes you feel sexy and gorgeous and ethereal and captivating all at once. Book a massage, get the pedicure package with all the bells and whistles, or order the thing that's been hanging around on your Wish List, whispering your pretty name every time you log into Amazon. Give yourself the thing that you almost never give yourself…something pretty and indulgent and non-practical and just for you. For me, it's jewelry (I picked up these stellar stars for myself today) and gorgeously scented soy candles. 

I might also get myself cable. Still deciding…it could be the best gift I give to myself or the worst, depending on how you look at it.  
5. Make a V-Day Playlist just for your own hot self



For me, music is therapy. Nothing can affect my mood or change my outlook on life more than an expertly curated playlist. Last year I decided to make a Nerdbomb Valentine's Day Playlist filled with all of the favorite easy-listening, soft rock/yacht classics I love, being the incredibly mature and unbelievably cool grown-up that I am. It's so fantastically cheeseball that it literally fills me with glee when I listen to it…and that right there serves as a reminder for a couple of the biggest traits I like and love about myself: My dorkatron sense of humor, and my lifelong ability to have a blast all by myself. 
The best trick to a Valentine's Day Playlist for your own self is to fill it with songs that make you feel hot, hyper, and happy. The kind of jams that make you wanna dance your hot ass across the floor. Get down with the girl power, ladies, just for today: Blast the Beyonce, amp up the Alicia Keys, rock it out with Robyn, pack in the P!nk. 
6. Shower Yourself with Some Self-Care


Self-care is fucking fun. And you know what? Almost everyone I know doesn't give themselves enough of it. It is so freaking important to carve out some time and space to restore and replenish your mind and body. Dive into bed early for a couple extra hours of sleep…start off your day with some sweet meditation or slow yoga…dig into that spiritual tome you've been curious about…institute a daily journaling habit or gratitude list. There are few things that say "I fucking love myself!" more than being super kind to your body, mind, and heart. 
If you're feeling sore about being single on Valentine's Day, one of my favorite tips is to practice self care in a way that opens your heart, instead of buries it. I really like guided meditations by Gabrielle Bernstein, a spiritual teacher who's so been there when it comes to struggling with singleness and striving for self love. There's also this book called The Soulmate Secret that sounds super cheesy, but it's actually really fun: The exercises Arielle Ford outlines in the book get you back into that optimistic mindset of enjoying the process of getting yourself ready for the raddest relationship of your life, and instead of just sitting around, waiting for that perfect person to just show up, it makes you feel like you're being proactive about calling in what you want. 

I've also really been digging The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte: It guides you to focus on how you most want to feel in your life, which sounds simple but is actually ultra-powerful. And when you're busy focusing on the good feels, the sad sap ones don't have room to crowd into your party. 
7. Love shared is love squared

Erica gets it.
Or not. Advanced mathematics tain't my strong suit.

One of the best lessons I've learned in my life is this: The best way to bring love into your life is to give it out. 
Kind of like how Thanksgiving is more than just about the turkey, Valentine's day is more than just about the gushy romantic stuff. Make it about all the people in your life that you love, and better yet, make it about it giving love to those who might a little bit more of it in their lives. Also, it's a freaking blast to make someone's Valentine's Day by surprising them with random acts of radicalness. You know who could use a Valentine's Day delivery of great, locally roasted coffee? Hospital RN's and nursing home residents. Those baristas who make your morning by greeting you by name and remembering your order (and then making it perfectly)? Make their morning for once by bringing them cupcakes or leaving them a ridiculously big tip. Send your friends Valentine's Day cards scrawled with things that you absolutely love about them. Bring chocolate for that coworker who makes you love your job more just by being a part of it. Spend the whole day tweeting nice things to the people who make your internet life super freaking rad. You'll be surprised by how absolutely amazing this stuff makes you feel, and how you can't wait to do more of it. 

No matter how you spend Valentine's Day - whether coupled up or going it solo ("solo, solo, solooooo…") - here's to cupcake wishes and cafe au lait dreams, and I hope it's one wild and magical day that reminds you of how fucking amazing you are. 

('Cause I mean, you wouldn't be reading this blog if you weren't, right?)
What are you excited to do just for you this Valentine's Day? Gush about it in the comments, and let's get this (self) love fest started.