Beth Buelow's Blog, page 4
January 20, 2017
Ep143: Sam Weinman on How to Win at Losing
About Sam
Sam Weinman is the digital editor for Golf Digest and author of the book Win at Losing: How Our Biggest Setbacks Can Lead to Our Greatest Gains. After noticing that his two sons encountered issues coping with loss, Weinman researched and interviewed various successful people to gain insight on what they learned from, and how they coped with their greatest losses. Win at Losing examines the psychological ramifications of losing in highly competitive people that inspired lessons all of us can use. His work has been featured in Golf Digest, USA Today, Golf World, Yahoo! Sports, ESPN the Magazine, and Sports Illustrated. He is the recipient of multiple first place awards in the Associated Press Sports Editors and Golf Writers Association of America writing contests.
Key Conversation Points
The importance of losing gracefully
Seeing loss in a constructive manner
Shifting perspectives on loss
Going from losing to winning
Loss of identity
Properly processing pain
The process of identifying with a concept in a health way
Taking strength in reaching out to others
The transformative power of vulnerability
Resources Mentioned*
Dr. Rick Hanson’s TEDx Marin Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpuDyGgIeh0
Buddha’s Brain | Rick Hanson
Hardwiring Happiness | Rick Hanson
Virtual Networking for Introverts
Connect with Sam
Website
Twitter
Instagram
Facebook
LinkedIn
Win at Losing: How Our Biggest Setbacks Can Lead to Our Greatest Gains
Sam’s Introvert Island Book Selections*
Nobody’s Fool | Richard Russo
High Fidelity | Nick Hornby
When Pride Still Mattered: A Life of Vince Lombardi | David Maraniss
If You Enjoyed the Show
You can subscribe to The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast on on iTunes or Stitcher. Please leave an honest review on iTunes or Stitcher. If you want to hear more news from The Introvert Entrepreneur including and beyond the podcasts, join the enewsletter mailing list.
*Amazon links are affiliate, meaning I receive a few pennies when you purchase through my link. You get some retail therapy, I get additional resources to keep bringing you great podcasts. Win-Win!!
The post Ep143: Sam Weinman on How to Win at Losing appeared first on The Introvert Entrepreneur.
January 4, 2017
Ep142: Briana and Peter Borten on Living The Well Life
About Briana and Dr. Peter Borten
Briana Borten and Dr. Peter Borten are the authors of “The Well Life: How to Use Structure, Sweetness, and Space to Create Balance, Happiness, and Peace.” Briana and Dr. Peter Borten have made it their mission to create a more peaceful world by helping individuals reestablish a sense of inner peace and balance. They are the founders of The Dragontree, a wellness organization with holistic spas in Portland and Boulder, online courses, natural body care products, and resources for vibrant living. Peter, a Doctor of Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine and certified Qi Gong instructor, has taught extensively and has authored hundreds of articles on psychological and physical health. Briana is a Certified Ayurvedic Specialist, peace engineer, and CEO of The Dragontree. She writes frequently on personal development and helps people achieve their dreams and live extraordinary, healthy lives.
Key Conversation Points
Learning about people on other places of the I-E spectrum
The benefits of working with a partner possessing a complementary personality
Keeping your personal and professional lives from bleeding into each other
How to find the ideal type of structure for your personality and life
Cultivating good habits that truly stick
Enjoying yourself in the now
Embracing healthy amounts of instant gratification
Shifting your perspective to make experiences more enjoyable
How to avoid being crushed by the human data stream
The importance of creating space in your life, especially for introverts
Resources Mentioned in the Podcast
The Introvert Entrepreneur Virtual Book Group
The Motivation Manifesto | Brendon Bruchard
A Permeable Life: Poems & Essays | Carrie Newcomer
“Work with Beth” coaching and consulting services
Connect with Briana and Peter
The Well Life
The Dragontree
The Well Life: How to Use Structure, Sweetness, and Space to Create Balance, Happiness, and Peace
Facebook
Twitter
Instagram
LinkedIn
Peter’s Introvert Island Book Selections*
Tao Te Ching | Lao Tzu
Applied Channel Theory in Chinese Medicine Wang Ju-Yi’s Lectures on Channel Therapeutics | Wang Ju-Yi and Jason Robertson
How to Stay Alive in the Woods: A Complete Guide to Food, Shelter, and Self-Preservation Anywhere | Bradford Angier
Briana’s Introvert Island Book Selections*
The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles | Steven Pressfield
Any book by David Sedaris (I’m a fellow Sedaris fan, so I’m including two choices: the classic Me Talk Pretty One Day, and his forthcoming book, Theft by Finding. ~Beth)
The New Bohemians: Cool and Collected Homes | Justina Blakeney
If You Enjoyed the Show
You can subscribe to The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast on on iTunes or Stitcher. Please leave an honest review on iTunes or Stitcher. If you want to hear more news from The Introvert Entrepreneur including and beyond the podcasts, join the enewsletter mailing list.
*Amazon links are affiliate, meaning I receive a few pennies when you purchase through my link. You get some retail therapy, I get additional resources to keep bringing you great podcasts, and the authors/retails still get all of their royalties! Win-Win-Win!!
The post Ep142: Briana and Peter Borten on Living The Well Life appeared first on The Introvert Entrepreneur.
December 22, 2016
Ep141: Tracy Timberlake on Smart Video Strategies for Your Business
About Tracy Timberlake
Tracy Timberlake is an award-winning YouTube Vlogger & Video & Visibility Strategist. She helps women become A-List entrepreneurs and position themselves as leaders and experts in their industry. She personally used video to build a 6-figure business, over 24,000 YouTube subscribers, and 2.4 million video views. As a result of her YouTube success she has had the privilege of working with brands like L’Oreal, Marc Jacobs, and currently, Cosmopolitan Magazine. She has been featured in The Huffington Post, Entrepreneur Magazine, YFS Magazine, and dozens of podcasts all over the world. When she is not communicating with clients or the YouTube community, you can find her nose in a book. Forever the learner she is currently pursuing a Doctorate in Organizational Leadership and working on her dissertation (topic: women entrepreneurs, of course!).
Key Conversation Points
Focusing on expansion
Spending your energy wisely when connecting with your audiences
Approaching the video medium as an introvert
The benefits of vlogging for introverts
The ideal strategic approach to integrating video into your business
Harnessing and leveraging your video presence’s momentum
Shifting focus based on changes in online platforms
Choosing the right length for your videos
Efficient and effective Live Streaming
Proper expectations and easing apprehension
Making video marketing campaigns manageable
Resources Mentioned in the Episode
“The Introvert Entrepreneur” Virtual Book Group
Coaching & Consulting Services; Schedule an Info Session
Connect with Tracy
Website
Facebook
Twitter
Instagram
YouTube
Tracy’s Introvert Island Book Selections
The Holy Bible
A Course In Miracles | Dr. Helen Schucman
Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion | Robert Cialdini
If You Enjoyed the Show
You can subscribe to The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast on on iTunes or Stitcher. Please leave an honest review on iTunes or Stitcher. If you want to hear more news from The Introvert Entrepreneur including and beyond the podcasts, join the enewsletter mailing list.
*Amazon links are affiliate, meaning I receive a few pennies when you purchase through my link. You get some retail therapy, I get additional resources to keep bringing you great podcasts. And the author/retailer still gets their full royalty. Win-Win-Win!!
The post Ep141: Tracy Timberlake on Smart Video Strategies for Your Business appeared first on The Introvert Entrepreneur.
December 15, 2016
It’s Okay to Want a Normal Business (Blogcast, Ep140)
Note: This post is a blogcast, meaning it’s a solo podcast (Episode 140, to be exact) with the full transcript – edited for clarity, minus anything ad libbed – posted here. So it’s a hybrid blog post and podcast… a blogcast! The audio is slightly different, so if you listen and read, you’ll get the full effect.)
I started The Introvert Entrepreneur back in 2010 with two intentions:
to spread a message of “introvert pride of ownership”: we aren’t broken, we’re not weak, and we have inherent strengths to tap into and inherent challenges to address in our own style.
we can be who we are and be successful as business owners, even in the face of the extrovert expectations that can make us feel as if we can’t be successful. My book subtitle sums it up perfectly: this is a space for introverts to amplify their strengths and create success on their own terms.
My book also focuses on outlining how that’s possible: how we can network without totally depleting ourselves, how we can sell without feeling icky, how we can partner with others in a thoughtful way that doesn’t compromise who we are. There’s a chapter on business expansion, but it’s focused mostly on how to tell when it’s time to grow, how to thoughtfully add people to your venture, and how not to lose sight of what’s most important.
One thing I didn’t dive into that I wish I had was this idea of growth for growth’s sake… that we can so easily compare ourselves to others and think that we’re not growing fast or big enough. We can feel like we’re being left behind when we see social media posts, newsletters, and books all giving us easy steps to 6 figures, or how to get more customers than we can handle, or how to automate everything so we can go sit on a beach somewhere and sip margaritas.
What if we want to be successful, but we don’t want all of THAT!?
It’s a conversation I had this morning with a new acquaintance, and again in today’s final meeting of the fall Virtual Book Group, and one I’ve had with multiple clients over the years… and I’ve had it a lot with myself. It’s about growth and empire building and finding your own sweet spot. It comes back to something I did talk about in the book, and that’s defining success for yourself.
I’ve felt this resistance to empire builders as long as I can remember, including when I worked in the nonprofit sector. It didn’t matter if was someone who wanted influence over multiple departments that seemed outside their authority, or who felt they had to gobble up every conceivable opportunity and have a piece of every available pie. I felt repelled by their actions and didn’t really want to be close to them. Their motives always felt a little less than altruistic.
How do I define empire? It’s generally a far-reaching enterprise, that often goes beyond the scope of the original mission or vision for a business or organization. It’s one that sometimes sucks the air out of the room for everyone else in the space.
It’s like they’re scooping up all of the properties on the Monopoly board – which I guess is the point, right?!
Where my buttons get pushed is when I start making up a story that if I don’t want ALL of the properties on the Monopoly board, I risk being seen by others as small, or not ambitious. And there’s no reason for me to think those things, except when I fall into comparison mode.
The story also bubbles up with I fall into assumption mode: assuming that because someone advertises how to build a six-figure business, they must be making six figures, and it must make them happy… assuming that bigger is always better… assuming that if I’m not executing every. single. idea. my brain comes up with, or everything that’s possible, I’m not living up to my full potential.
It’s that last one that gets me the most sometimes. It’s that gap between desire and capacity. I realized when I was in graduate school, in a flash of insight that was wiser than my years, that just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
You might have the capacity to build an empire, but just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
What I find is that I and my clients who express that same tension are ambitious and smart and want to change the world. We also notice that we want a life. We want flexibility. We want freedom.
After rapid growth in the first two years, The Introvert Entrepreneur has more or less stayed the same scope and scale for the past four years. I definitely reach more people, but from a bottom-line perspective, I’ve held steady. And I’m okay with that. I believe more in sustainability and living in alignment with my values than in getting bigger and adding more zeros to my balance sheet.
Even as I say that, I realize that I’m setting things up as an either/or. Either be sustainable or add more zeros. Either be aligned or get bigger. It’s not an either/or. It has the potential to be a both/and. But finding that both/and takes time and lots of discernment. And for me, it’s going to manifest not because I set out with an intention to grow, but because I lead with the intention to be aligned, to be sustainable. I lead with my own definition of success, releasing what I see others doing and letting go of the compulsion to compare and contrast my growth and progress with theirs.
I wish I could share my definition of success with you here. Because of recent shifts in the ground under my feet, it’s also shifting and feels like a work in progress. It’s not what it was six-and-a-half years ago when I started The Introvert Entrepreneur… it’s not even the same as it was a year ago.
One reason I’m glad I don’t have an empire—that I have a hotel or two, maybe a railroad, on the Monopoly board—is that I value freedom. An empire isn’t easily changed or adapted to fit the unexpected. The past few months have brought lots of unexpected developments into my life, and I feel a fresh wind blowing through that’s going to bring change. It’s not a question of if, but when. If I had an empire, I’d feel trapped.
I’m not trying to dismiss or denigrate those who choose to build large businesses. If that’s your thing, go for it! In some ways, I envy those who feel that drive.
I’m simply acknowledging and inviting us to consider that having a small business doesn’t mean you are small. You can be small in scale and scope but mighty in reach and influence.
There’s still a lot of consideration to be given this topic, and I don’t have any bottom-line answers for you or for myself. For now, I’ll leave both of us with these three parting thoughts:
It’s okay if you’re not an empire builder. Followers, subscribers, likes, and dollars aren’t the only ways to define success, nor is having lots of services or products or being in lots of different markets. I’m reminded of an image I shared on Facebook a few years ago that said, “It’s okay to be happy with a calm life.” (Note! I misstated this quote in the podcast version of this post as “It’s okay to want a normal life,” so that’s what inspired the title. Oops! My memory failed me. But I think it still works! ;-)) So I share that sentiment here and remind us all, It’s okay to want a normal business. Whatever type or size of business feels good to you is going to be good for the world.
Take the time, right now, before you set your goals for 2017, to define success for yourself. During my new coaching client Discovery process that each person goes through before beginning our work together, I ask them to define success in multiple areas. These include clients/customers, finances/resources, time, energy, lifestyle, personal development, professional development, being of service, and other. Think through what’s most important to you, then choose to act in alignment with your definition of success as you make choices.
And finally, remember this from Theodore Roosevelt, who said “Comparison is the thief of joy.” When you engage in constant—or even sporadic—comparison, you are robbing yourself of the joy that’s already there. Joy is not to be found where the grass is greener. As another saying goes, the grass is always greener where you water it! Focus on watering your own grass, rather than feeling envy about someone else’s patch of lawn. A business with 1,000 clients and 20 employees and a million followers and a new offering every week of the year might be exactly the right fit for someone’s business. If so, more power to them!But if you don’t choose that for your business, that doesn’t make you unambitious or average or small.You don’t have to feel shame or guilt, or worried that you’re letting fear get in the way.Just because you don’t want to do work 100 hours a week doesn’t mean you’re afraid or not cut out to be an entrepreneur.Don’t let pseudo motivational statements such as “go big or go back to bed” shame you into feeling like your hard work and commitment isn’t enough.
Whenever you give your best, whatever your best is in that moment in time, is enough.
I’ll close with this quote from Cheryl Strayed, author of Wild. I’m paraphrasing here because I don’t want this episode or blog post to be dinged for offensive language! (Here’s an image that captures the original.) Cheryl wrote in a subsequent book titled Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar:
“The best thing you can possibly do with your life is to tackle the heck out of it.”
A friend texted me that quote earlier this week, and I was both attracted and repelled by it. I totally get the message to live life to its fullest, to give it everything you’ve got. But then the pressure of that statement threatens to suffocate me, and makes me just want to crawl back under the covers and stay there until God decides my time on this earth is done.
Maybe the best thing I can do with my life is to live it as authentically, peacefully, and lovingly as I possibly can. Maybe it’s to live it as closely aligned with my strengths and gifts as I possibly can. Maybe it’s to love others as much as I possibly can. Maybe it’s to discover my truth and speak it as often as possible.
Now that I say all of that, there’s no maybe about it.
The best thing I can possibly do with my life, without a doubt, is to live it authentically, peacefully, and truthfully, to live it aligned with my strengths and gifts, to love others, and to discover my truth and speak it.
What’s the best thing you can possibly do with your life? Think about it, then live it.
*Amazon links are affiliate, meaning I receive a few pennies when you purchase through my link. You get some retail therapy, I get additional resources to keep bringing you great podcasts. And the author/creator still gets every cent owed to them. Win-Win-Win!
The post It’s Okay to Want a Normal Business (Blogcast, Ep140) appeared first on The Introvert Entrepreneur.
December 8, 2016
Ep139: Joe Sanok on Building a Sustainable Business
About Joseph Sanok
Joseph Sanok is a speaker, mental health counselor, business consultant, and podcaster. Joe has the #1 podcast for counselors, The Practice of the Practice Podcast. With interviews with Pat Flynn, John Lee Dumas, Chris Ducker, Rob Bell, Glennon Doyle Melton, and JV Crum III, Joe is a rising star in the speaking world! Joe is a writer for PsychCentral, has been featured on the Huffington Post, Bustle, and Yahoo News. He is a keynote speaker, author of five books, and is a top consultant.
Key Conversation Points
Introvert vs. Extrovert misunderstanding
Slowing down and “unplugging” yourself
Re-prioritizing and establishing boundaries for your mental energy
Life after a major change in perspective
Reframing your life to achieve your goals
Creating a sustainable lifestyle that matches your values
The benefits of whittling down your work week
The power of outsourcing for entrepreneurs
Challenging the second job mindset
Giving yourself a job vs. a lifestyle
Overcoming challenges facing solopreneurs and their private practices
Demonstrating your skills to prospective clients without meeting them
Resources Mentioned in the Podcast
“On Living” | Kerry Egan
Kerry Egan on Fresh Air with Terry Gross
Virtual Book Group for “The Introvert Entrepreneur” (next group starts 1/18/17!)
“Watching Over You” video (1978) | Greg Lake of ELP
Bring your whole self to work | Mike Robbins | TEDxBerkeley (not mentioned in the podcast, but a resource shared by a current Virtual Book Group member that seems relevant)
Connect with Joseph
Website
Website 2 – Slow Down School
Practice of the Practice: A Start-up Guide to Launching a Counseling Private Practice
Mental Wellness Parenting: A remarkably simple approach to making parenting easier
Facebook
Twitter
LinkedIn
Google+
Pinterest
Instagram
Podcast – Practice of the Practice
Podcast – How to Become a Consultant
Joseph’s Introvert Island Book Selections*
Sketch Pad
A People’s History of The United States | Howard Zinn
1421: The Year China Discovered America | Gavin Menzies
If You Enjoyed the Show
You can subscribe to The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast on on iTunes or Stitcher. Please leave an honest review on iTunes or Stitcher. If you want to hear more news from The Introvert Entrepreneur including and beyond the podcasts, join the enewsletter mailing list.
*Amazon links are affiliate, meaning I receive a few pennies when you purchase through my link. You get some retail therapy, I get additional resources to keep bringing you great podcasts. Win-Win!!
The post Ep139: Joe Sanok on Building a Sustainable Business appeared first on The Introvert Entrepreneur.
December 2, 2016
Ep138: Katherine Mackenzie-Smith of The League of Extraordinary Introverts
About Katherine Mackenzie-Smith
Katherine Mackenzie-Smith is a life and business coach helping introverts understand themselves, create businesses that light them up, and cut through the noise to connect with the people who need to hear what they have to say. She’s a trainer for life coaches, a ‘self-help guru’ according to Elle Magazine, and a ‘champion for introverted leaders’.
Key Conversation Points
Doing away with harmful expectations
Embracing introversion as your greatest strength
The benefits of introvert communities
Defining leadership in general and through an introverted lens
Introvert vs. Extrovert cultivation across different nations and cultures
The motivation of passion vs. activities you dislike
Communicating and allowing others to support your introversion
Learning how to avoid saying ‘yes’ too often
Resources Mentioned in the Episode
“I Used to be a Human Being” by Andrew Sullivan
Affect vs Effect: quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/affect-versus-effect
Jan-Feb 2017 Virtual Book Group Information + Enrollment
Connect with Katherine
Website
Website 2 – Coaching
Book
Podcast
Twitter
Pinterest
Instagram
Facebook
Katherine’s Introvert Island Book Selections
Any Harry Potter book (with the exception of Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets) | J.K. Rowling [I chose to link to a collection of all of the books! ~Beth]
The Universe Versus Alex Woods | Gavin Extence
The Introvert Entrepreneur: Amplify Your Strengths and Create Success on Your Own Terms | Beth Buelow
If You Enjoyed the Show
You can subscribe to The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast on on iTunes or Stitcher. Please leave an honest review on iTunes or Stitcher. If you want to hear more news from The Introvert Entrepreneur including and beyond the podcasts, join the enewsletter mailing list.
*Amazon links are affiliate, meaning I receive a few pennies when you purchase through my link. You get some retail therapy, I get additional resources to keep bringing you great podcasts. Win-Win!!
The post Ep138: Katherine Mackenzie-Smith of The League of Extraordinary Introverts appeared first on The Introvert Entrepreneur.
November 23, 2016
Ep137: Sarah Santacroce on LinkedIn and Introvert Business Building
About Sarah Santacroce
Sarah started her first online business adventure in 2008, as a Virtual Assistant. She was living in California at the time, on an Expat Assignment, and needed a location independent business. She has since moved back to her home country, Switzerland, and built a successful business as a LinkedIn Trainer & Consultant. After reading Simon Sinek’s book “Start With Why,” she realized that her true purpose is to help other introverts embrace who they are and scale their online business in order to make a difference, using their introverted super powers.
Key Conversation Points
The rise of the introvert entrepreneur due to the internet
Running a 100% online business without networking events
“Introverted” versus “Extroverted” countries and cultures
Understanding all the roles of LinkedIn
LinkedIn versus other social media platforms for introverts
Intuitive issues on LinkedIn
Learning how to avoid saying ‘yes’ too often
Resources Mentioned in the Podcast
Marie Forleo — Pick Your Brain
The Introvert Entrepreneur Book
Schedule a Coaching Information Session
Connect with Sarah
Website
Website 2 – LinkedIn focused
Podcast
LinkedIn
Twitter
Twitter 2
Facebook
Sarah’s Introvert Island Book Selections*
Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less | Greg McKeown
Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia | Elizabeth Gilbert
The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are | Brene Brown
If You Enjoyed the Show
You can subscribe to The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast on on iTunes or Stitcher. Please leave an honest review on iTunes or Stitcher. If you want to hear more news from The Introvert Entrepreneur including and beyond the podcasts, join the enewsletter mailing list.
*Amazon links are affiliate, meaning I receive a few pennies when you purchase through my link. The author or retailer still receives the full amount due to them; my cut comes from Amazon’s cut! So you get some retail therapy, I get additional resources to keep bringing you great podcasts. Win-Win!!
The post Ep137: Sarah Santacroce on LinkedIn and Introvert Business Building appeared first on The Introvert Entrepreneur.
November 17, 2016
Ep136: David Hoffeld and The Science of Selling
Ep136 Show Notes: David Hoffeld and The Science of Selling
About David Hoffeld
David Hoffeld is the CEO and chief sales trainer of Hoffeld Group. He’s pioneered a revolutionary sales approach based on neuroscience, social psychology and behavioral economics that radically increases sales. In fact, if you are looking for someone who bases sales strategies on scientific evidence, David literally wrote the book on it. 
He is the author of the groundbreaking book The Science of Selling, published by Penguin Random House. A sought-after sales thought leader and speaker, David works with small and medium businesses to Fortune 500 companies showing them how to align their sales behaviors with how the brain naturally forms buying decisions. Because of the results his insights generate, David is a sales and leadership contributor to Fast Company and has been featured in Fortune, U.S. News and World Report, The Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, CBS Radio, Fox News Radio, and more.
Key Conversation Points
The mental process behind buying decisions
Dissolving mental barriers without manipulation
Using science to take your sales to the next level
Identifying the buyer’s commitments in the sales process
Operating in an increasingly transparent marketplace
Sales from the perspective of partnership with customers
The aspects of sales where introverts have an advantage
Effectively connecting with and appealing to your customers
How cognitive biases affect the sales process
Connect with David
Website
Book “The Science of Selling”
Twitter
LinkedIn
David’s Introvert Island Book Selections**
Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade | Robert Cialdini
The Science of Selling: Proven Strategies to Make Your Pitch, Influence Decisions, and Close the Deal | David Hoffeld
A journal to write in for reflection
If You Enjoyed the Show
You can subscribe to The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast on on iTunes or Stitcher. Please leave an honest review on iTunes or Stitcher. If you want to hear more news from The Introvert Entrepreneur including and beyond the podcasts, join the enewsletter mailing list.
*Amazon links are affiliate, meaning I receive a few pennies when you purchase through my link. You get some retail therapy, I get additional resources to keep bringing you great podcasts. Win-Win!!
The post Ep136: David Hoffeld and The Science of Selling appeared first on The Introvert Entrepreneur.
November 4, 2016
Confessions of an Untraumatized 40-Something Happily Married Woman
Listen to this post as Ep135 of The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast; in it, I share a bit of backstory about its origins.)
I have a confession to make. Well, multiple confessions.
I’ve never b
een neglected or abused.
I’ve never been robbed, unless you count a $40 Liz Claiborne purse stolen from me when I was a college freshman that had my hard-earned $70 week’s pay in it.
I’ve not been attacked or stalked or victimized.
No substance abuse issues followed by recovery.
No major accidents or incidents, no diseases or maladies that cause me to look or feel different from everyone else.
I was never in a cult, and I’ve only seen the inside of a jail because of my participation in a leadership program.
I’ve been fingerprinted, but only because I worked a sleepy (literally – I once fell asleep at my desk) bank temp job one summer in college.
I don’t have parents, siblings, children, or a spouse who has any of the above (that I know of).
I’m white. Cis hetero. Christian. American. Right-handed. I’ve been married 18+ years (to the same man!) and am doing work that is completely my choice.
I’m not even allergic to anything!
For all of my 16,450ish days on this planet, I’ve had a roof over my head, food in my belly, shoes on my feet, and people I loved and who loved me.
Sure, I have thousands of days yet to live (I hope), and anything can happen. But so far, so good.
I thought self-awareness of my painfully normal life was a recent revelation. But when I thought back to my childhood, I realized that I’ve always struggled with being normal.
Around age 9 or 10, I read about St. Therese (“The Little Flower”) and wanted to suffer to be a saint. I was fascinated with Beethoven and his deafness, thinking each time I got an ear infection, I’d go deaf. How interesting that would be! I felt like a drab little mouse with my brown hair and brown eyes and forgettable features. I longed to wear glasses or braces (ideally both), to have something different about me. I voluntarily asked for liver for dinner because I knew it was weird. And this one strikes me as particularly prophetic now: I remember passionately telling my father in my early teens that I wished I had something to overcome.
Now that I dwell in the world of personal and professional growth, I feel the burden of my inadequately normal life pressing in on me again. Sure, I’ve had (have?) chronic mild depression, professional ups and downs, times when money was suffocatingly tight, the occasional inexplicable ailment that rushes me to the doctor but turns out to be nothing. I’m an introvert in an extrovert-leaning society. And sure, I’m a woman, and even that is of little consequence in my female-dominated profession.
The bottom line is, I don’t have a story. There’s not an epic Hero’s Journey that I can call on. No trauma I’ve emerged from. I no longer have that teenage urge to overcome something, but I am still aware of my hyper-normality. Maybe because it often seems like the people society deems most credible, the ones who command the stage and bookshelves and social media spaces, are stars in their own Hero’s Journey, having emerged from life’s hardships with an inspiring message.
Let me say this before I go any further: I’m not dismissing them or suggesting their tragedy is their identity. Nor do I think that they are always at choice when their trauma becomes a commodity or they are put on a pedestal because of it.
In fact, many of them will say themselves that their aim is not to inspire you. I love Stella Young’s TED Talk titled “I’m not your inspiration, thank you very much,” in which she says that it’s not the disability she has that makes life hard, but the lie that people believe that a disability makes one exceptional.
It’s society that decides that hardships and adversity are inspiring, and everyday life is uninspiring. And those of us with a “normal” life might be wondering if we have anything to offer.
So where do I get my authority? Who am I to say “I’ve learned this from life, so listen to me”?
And how many people are there like me, who feel called to share a message or experience, but question the power and worth of their voice because it comes from the seemingly non-event that is their life?
Why would anyone care—let alone listen—if they haven’t suffered and prevailed?
When I switch into contemplative INFJ introvert mode, I realize a few things.
Life is not a competition. It’s just not. It’s not about who can out-trauma everyone else.
No one else has had my journey, or your journey. Not then, not now, not ever. Therefore, everyone has a different story to tell, one that’s not going to be heard unless YOU tell it.
Your experiences, your insights, your revelations are valid. They don’t have to be born of fire. They can be born of love and contentment.
The world needs the light and the dark. We need stories of both peace and pain. Smooth vanilla and Rocky Road.
Living and loving each day, whether it’s in spite of a debilitating illness or stinging paper cut, is a triumph.
Your complex wholeness is just as interesting because of the tiny hairline fractures, the almost invisible chinks in your armor.
There is nothing—absolutely nothing —“normal” about you. Because when it comes to human beings, there’s no such thing as “normal.” Or you could look at it another way: we’d all be considered normal, living the best we know how, once society decides to stop glorifying trauma. Normal would be admiring someone for who they are, not for their obstacles.
Where do you get your authority? Where do you get your unique voice? You get it from the millions of choices you’ve made since you were born… from the times you said “yes,” from the times you said “no,” and you lived with the consequences of those decisions.
Those choices add up to an experience no one else has had before. If you look at your story sliced and diced into isolated incidents, it’s probably a bit dull. But taken in totality, you are a multi-faceted prism that reflects and refracts light in countless directions.
Don’t dismiss your “normal” life as unremarkable. Think about that word, “unremarkable”: it means something is expected, routine, or unimpressive. And your life is anything but! Your identity and message come from the unique bundle of experiences that all add up to a perspective that no one else on this planet, living, dead, or yet to be born, shares.
The next time you ask yourself, “Who am I to say or do this?” remember this: If you have something to say, say it. Don’t wait for permission or validation from an external source. Speak out and show up from the heart.
Your truth is a remarkable truth—it’s worthy of being noticed and remarked upon—and it needs to be heard.
The post Confessions of an Untraumatized 40-Something Happily Married Woman appeared first on The Introvert Entrepreneur.
October 26, 2016
Ep134: Steve Farber on Radical Leap Leadership
About Steve Farber
Bestselling Author Steve Farber is the president of Extreme Leadership, Incorporated, and the founder of The Extreme Leadership Institute, organizations devoted to the cultivation and development of Extreme Leaders in the business community, non-profits and education. His third book, Greater Than Yourself: The Ultimate Lesson In Leadership, was a Wall Street Journal® and USA Today® bestseller. His second book, The Radical Edge: Stoke Your Business, Amp Your Life, and Change the World, was hailed as “a playbook for harnessing the power of the human spirit.” And his first book, The Radical Leap: A Personal Lesson in Extreme Leadership, is already considered a classic in the leadership field. It received Fast Company magazine’s Readers’ Choice Award and was recently named one of the 100 Best Business Books of All Time. The 10th Anniversary edition of Leap is in bookstores now.
Key Conversation Points
Circumstantial/Situational Introversion
Acceptance of tasks versus enjoyment
How to find a proper mentor
The true meaning and qualities of being a leader
Learning to love what feels unnatural
What to do when you are your own product
Creating culture change within a business
Challenging notions of love and enjoyment related to work
How to foster the best work environment possible
Resources Mentioned in the Podcast
Barbells for Boobs
The Radical Leap: A Personal Lesson in Extreme Leadership — Steve Farber
Betsy & Warren Talbot’s An Uncluttered Life Last Chance Sale (lots of great resources here!)
Ep66: Married With Luggage: A Conversation with Betsy & Warren Talbot
Ep79: Keys to a Successful Product Launch with Betsy Talbot
And here’s one with Betsy interviewing me!
Ep129: Justin Crawford on Efficiency, Delegation and Planned Obsolescence
“The Introvert Entrepreneur” Virtual Book Group (registration closes Nov 4)
Goodreads book giveaway, Nov 3-13 (link to promotion will be posted when available)
Connect with Steve
Website
Facebook
Twitter
LinkedIn
Steve’s Introvert Island Book Selections
A Game of Thrones (Song of Ice and Fire Series) | George R. R. Martin
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy | J.R.R. Tolkien
If You Enjoyed the Show
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The post Ep134: Steve Farber on Radical Leap Leadership appeared first on The Introvert Entrepreneur.
