Susan Jeffers's Blog, page 6

Uncertainty and Creativity

Most of us prefer to make plans, have goals, be assured of what’s going to happen tomorrow because not knowing can be scary. We create expectations of what we want to happen to keep our fears at bay, even knowing that we are likely to be disappointed. Setting ourselves up this way we are also cutting ourselves off from imagination, wonder, creativity, and possibility.

But as Susan wrote in Embracing Uncertainty, “Expectations keep us from noticing and playing with exciting possibilities that always surround us. As long as we insist that things have to be a certain way, we limit our vision. When we let go of our expectations, we live with a greater sense of creativity, curiosity, and possibility.”

There really is no such thing as certainty. Life has no guarantees. What it does have is mystery and wonder and more capacity than any one of us could ever imagine. Why limit ourselves with expectations when miracles are part of the uncertainty? When we accept the uncertainty and the unknown:

We understand that LIFE IS HUGE!

Susan wrote, “Can you now see that if you can turn your worry about all the uncertainty that envelops you into a sense of excitement and possibility, your experience of life will be greatly improved? If you can step out of the ‘drama’ and watch the miracle of life unfold, you can ultimately see that uncertainty truly is ‘creativity in action’.”

Creativity is a huge part of uncertainty. If we were certain, then how could we allow ourselves the space to create, to grow, to imagine, to expand? We can’t. Good thing there really is no such thing as certainty. Once we can accept that, we are giving ourselves permission to live in the uncertainty of creativity.

All of life’s creativity flourishes not in certainty,
but in the questions that flow from uncertainty.

Why Being Connected to Our Higher Self Is So Important

This month we’re talking about using creativity to get in touch with our Higher Self. But why is being connected with our Higher Self so important? Susan explains it like this in End the Struggle and Dance With Life:

We don’t have to live a life controlled by our need to control! We can learn how to let go, thus feeling more comfortable, soft, flexible and flowing about life… like wearing the world just as a loose garment.

Anytime there is any sign of a real or imagined, external threat, the Lower Self automatically triggers our need to control. The way we can handle our addiction to control, therefore, is to pull ourselves away from the fear tactics of our Lower Self and rise to the level of our Higher Self, the Spiritual part of who we are, where we find true safety. We learn that…

• The Higher Self is the dwelling place of all good things such as love, power, creativity, joy, satisfaction, and abundance.• The Higher Self knows we have the strength to handle anything that can ever happen to us.• The Higher Self doesn’t see the outside world as a threat to our lives; it sees it as a place to learn and grow and contribute.• The Higher Self has great vision and can guide us to where we need to go with our lives.• The Higher Self knows that all situations in our life—good or bad—can be used as a teaching for our highest good.

And so our mind is calm. What’s the big deal? What is there to gain? How about…happiness, peace, energy, creativity, intelligence, intuition, guidance, health, orderliness, joy, and all good things. A feeling of calm is our way into the Higher Self, the best of who we are. It is also our way into a Universal oneness with all there is.

Creativity Can Connect You and Your Higher Self

If you have read any of Susan’s books, you know about her belief in the Higher Self. When we are connected to our Higher Self, we can connect to the Universe. As Susan wrote in Feel the Fear and Beyond, “The Higher Self is the space within each and everyone of us that is filled with nourishing qualities such as joy, creativity, intuition, peace, power, love, compassion, and all good things.”

One of the loveliest side benefits of connecting to our Higher Self is our creativity. Whether you are arranging some flowers, developing a new business venture, or writing a novel, creativity is a large part of what makes us human. Being creative doesn’t necessarily mean dedicating your life to art.  Creativity be expressed through simple things: a lovingly created meal, a new way to do something you’ve always done, planting a relaxing garden, or even making a handmade card. Creativity is the special touch we add to life to makes it that much more joyous.  When we are connecting to the Higher Self, when we are in touch with our creativity and intuition, we are living our best life.

You have probably noticed that when you are fearful, stressed out or unhappy, you find it hard to be creative. Things that bring you joy when you’re living with your Higher-Self connection may sometimes seem like a chore instead. Our Lower Self sees creativity as change, and to the Lower Self, change is risky.

The world around us doesn’t always encourage creativity, either. There is so much emphasis on “getting things done” that we often limit our creativity in service of deadlines, to-do lists, appointments, expectations, and more. Yet these things serve our Lower Self. When we are living only to meet outside pressures, fearing what will happen if we don’t, then we aren’t living our best life. We aren’t in touch with our Higher Self and our creativity flies out the window.

When we let our Lower Self thinking take over, we lose our ability to create because, as Susan wrote, “If your mind is filled with messages of lack, scarcity, anger, jealousy, judgment, fear, and any form of negativity, you can be sure you are in the land of the Lower Self. If you hear messages of creativity, abundance, compassion, courage, joy, and any form of power and love, you are in the land of the Higher Self.”

When we begin to lose touch with our Higher Self, creativity can be a way to reconnect with it. Creating something brings a certain tranquility to the heart and mind that carries us closer to the Grand Design. Susan described it like this, “A feeling of calm is our way into the Higher Self, the best of who we are. It is also our way into a Universal oneness with all there is.”

So when you begin to feel low—whether you feel anxious and fearful, overwhelmed or stressed—think about ways you can disconnect from the world and reconnect with your Higher Self through creativity. It can be as simple as taking twenty minutes out of your schedule to daydream or think up a better ending for that movie you saw. Being creative is not about producing something, like a painting or a song. Being creative is about taking the time to imagine and dream. It’s about giving ourselves permission to discover something bigger than ourselves, creating confidence, self-respect, and more.

Allowing ourselves the space to create can also put us in touch with our inner child. Children play and create non-stop and, while they might not know it, they are communicating with their Higher Selves. They can be full of wonder and imagination with no feeling of being judged, just supported. That’s why being creative can be an ideal way to find a direct line to your Higher Self. You can go around the clutches of the Lower Self and connect directly to that part of yourself that is aligned with the Universe.

Creativity is more than just imagination, more than talent, and we’re all born with it. The Universe grants every person with the same access to the creative self. When we can engage with it, it can take us to better places, including our Higher Self. Susan said, “I believe that what all of us are really searching for is this divine essence within ourselves.” And through creativity, we can find it.

Even Famous People Feel Fear

Susan’s Fear Truth #4 tells us that we are not alone in our fear and that everyone feels fear when they try something knew. In Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, she uses the example of New York City mayor Ed Koch—an attorney, political commentator, TV personality, and a lifelong politician. In the 1980s, when he had to learn a tap-dance routine to perform with a cast from a Broadway show for a charity event, he claimed to be scared to death. Of course he was, tap dancing was an activity that tested him in a new way. We all face fear when we try something new.

Most of us likely don’t remember much about Ed Koch, but nearly all of us will know who Shonda Rhimes is. She is the creator and producer of the long-running show, Grey’s Anatomy, the political soap opera, Scandal, the super popular, Bridgerton, and so many other shows and movies. You would think someone so successful wouldn’t have anything left to fear. But she did. As an introvert, she hated being in front of an audience, at press junkets, or giving talks. She said ‘no’ to every invitation she received, never putting herself outside her comfort zone.

Then she decided to say ‘yes’ to everything for a year (Susan would have LOVED that!) and found that by being open to new things, she changed her life considerably. She even wrote a book about it!

If Shonda Rhimes feels the fear, how can we possibly expect that we would not? Whether super successful and famous or living a more quiet life, we all feel fear. We are not alone in our fears.

Fear Truths Reviewed

One of the earliest things we learn in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway are Susan’s Five Truths About Fear. As we’re talking about Fear Truth #4 in this month’s newsletter article, we thought we would do a full review of all five here.

Truth #1: The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.
If we step outside our comfort zone and continue to push the boundaries, we will always feel some fear. The key is to know that if you are feeling fear, you are growing as a person, and one step closer to being where you want to be.

Truth #2: The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.
If you wait for the fear to go away before attempting to push past your comfort zone boundaries, you will wait forever. You have to push through and just do it.

Truth #3: The only way to feel better about myself is to go out . . . and do it.
If you are waiting to have enough self-esteem to do something, again, you will wait forever. The only way to gain self-esteem is to show yourself that you can handle it.

Truth #4: Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I’m on unfamiliar territory, so is everyone else.
You are not alone in your fear. Everyone, we mean EVERYONE, has to face their fears in order to reach their goals. No matter who it is, they have felt the fear and did it anyway.

Truth #5: Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.
To put it bluntly, would you rather feel fear or would you rather feel like a loser? When we don’t face our fears, when we stay in our comfort zone, and remain fearful. Living in our fear, we become victims who blame others for their misery. That doesn’t sound like a good way to live at all.

Susan, of course, writes much more extensively about the Five Truths About Fear in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. This blog post is just a reminder that fear is the only thing holding you back.

You Don’t Have To Be Alone With Your Fear

“By virtue of our all being human, we share the same feelings. Fear is no exception.” Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.

Susan’s Five Truths About Fear has become an iconic definition of fear and works as an important starting point for those of us trying to overcome our fears. These Truths are seminal because they outline the basis of how fear can undermine our Spiritual growth. They show us how isolating fear can be and how our feeling of fear is often worse than doing the thing that actually scares us.

The one that people often find most eye-opening is Fear Truth #4:

Not only am I going to experience fear
whenever I’m in unfamiliar territory,
so is everyone else.

So many of us feel so alone in our fears we forget that EVERYONE feels fear when they are attempting to change and grow. As Susan wrote in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, “I was sure I was the only person out there feeling so inadequate. It was such a relief to realize I was not alone in my fear. I had the rest of the world to keep me company.”

Fear can be isolating; not only making you feel like you are paralyzed and unable to move forward, but making you feel like you are alone. As Susan said, “Everybody feels this way sometimes.” Knowing this may not make you feel less fearful, but it can help you realize that you are not alone and even help you to connect with people with similar challenges so that you can support one another.

Susan wrote, “Until you are in touch with the Fear Truths, you will hear about and read and see stories about successful people and not notice the operation of the underlying principles.  You may never relate the experiences of others, especially those of celebrities, to your life. You may think they are lucky because they aren’t afraid to put themselves out there.  Not so! They had to push through a tremendous amount of fear to get where they are today . . . and they are still pushing.”

The phrase “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” is often used as a rallying cry for groups of people with similar interests and similar fears. On Instagram, if you look at the hashtag #feelthefearanddoitanyway, you will see it utilized by people interested in weightlifting, for people nervous about public speaking, for people with eating disorders, for people who want to travel, and so many more. On Twitter, using the same hashtag, you will find people interested in educational opportunities, writers sending out their manuscripts, and business coaches, all supporting others who are feeling fearful.

While social media can be a minefield of negativity, it can also be a positive place to reach out and connect with other people who share your fears. Susan would definitely have approved of that. She believed that support groups and networks were key to overcoming your fears and reaching your goals. “It is incredibly important to your peace of mind and sense of power to have some kind of support group. I can’t stress enough how important it is to begin now to have strong people in your life, in the form of an established group or simply a group of friends who are consciously in the process of growing,” said Susan.

When we feel supported we can, in turn, offer that support to others, creating a sense of community. It is important to make personal connections. Social media can be a good place to start, but so are local groups. The internet can help with that too. Websites such as Meetup.com or Craigslist.org in the U.S. can be instrumental in finding like-minded groups in your area.  All over the world, there are a multitude of ways to reach out and connect.

However, it is important to keep in mind that you must actually do the work to make connections—even though for so many of us, reaching out to others may cause another kind of fear. Susan addressed this clearly: “The point is that you must make the effort. So many people sit at home waiting for the phone to ring and wondering why they are always alone. Nothing is going to come to you—especially in the beginning. You have to go out and create the kind of support system you want. Even if it seems frightening, do it anyway!”

Take action! Nothing is going to work for you unless you do the work!

When we find a group of like-minded people, our fears will often fade to the background as life becomes less of a struggle and you experience more joy. Fear can be debilitating, but when we know that our fear is not unique and we connect with others, we can achieve a lightness and sense of courage that outshines our fears and moves us forward in life. Susan was right… You are not alone. The rest of the world CAN keep you company.

About Affirmations for Children

This is an excerpt from Susan’s introduction to the UK version of I Can Handle It! In it, she talks about how life changing affirmations can be, especially for children.

Affirmations have long been considered by many to be a valuable tool for adults. I believe that the affirmation can be a valuable tool for children as well. In fact, children probably can learn to use affirmations much more easily than adults. After all, they haven’t had as much time to develop the habit of thinking negatively. And we all know how hard it is to break bad habits!

Also, children love the repetition of simple phrases. The key to positive results with affirmations is repetition, repetition, repetition. And what a great phrase to repeat over and over again…

No matter what happens, I can handle it!
No matter what happens, I can handle it!
No matter what happens, I can handle it!

Why is repetition so necessary? Repetition of a positive thought is necessary to retrain the mind to think in a more positive way. Especially when we live in a world filled with negativity.

Also, affirmations are a form of ‘acting-as-if.’ If we act-as-if often enough, our conscious and sub-conscious minds begin to let in the possibility that something is so. And ultimately, we feel it truly is so, even though we all need reminders once in a while…even me!

Affirmations can be very powerful indeed!

The Adult Version of I Can Handle It!

This month we’re talking about Susan’s children’s book, I Can Handle It! The stories in the book feature different problems that kids might come across, from frustration to guilt to embarrassment and more. The book is meant for kids under eight, but there are lessons in it that we can all learn from.

The format of the stories in the book are simple: on the left-side page is the problem (Timmy lost his stuffed bear, Emily did something to make her feel bad) and on the right-side is how each child learns how to handle their problem.

If only it were so easy to handle our grown-up problems that way! Well, maybe it can be. For example, Helen hates getting ready for school in the morning—all the rushing and hurrying. I’m sure there are many of us no longer in school who can relate. Helen’s answer to her problem is to get her things and clothes ready for school the night before. That’s a pretty good solution for people of any age.

Then there is Gerry’s story. Gerry gets angry and throws a tantrum, but his mother ignores him and he feels silly for getting so upset. When did you last lose your temper? When that driver cut you off in traffic? When the salesperson was ringing up customers too slowly? When you have to stay on hold for an hour when you are calling customer service? Temper tantrums are not only for little kids. Gerry resolves his problem by trying not to get so angry and to talk about things with his mom. All of us can learn from Gerry’s solution.

As Susan wrote in the introduction to I Can Handle It!, “You are never too young or too old to believe in yourself…to know that you can act lovingly and powerfully in any situation that ever confronts you.”

Why Is Trusting Ourselves So Hard?

Trust is a hard thing to come by, whether it’s trusting another person, or trusting ourselves. It’s hard to trust when we are fearful, when we are full of self-doubt, when we question our every move and decision worrying if it is “right” or not. It’s like a never-ending loop of second-guessing leading to fear leading to doubt.

When did it get so hard to trust ourselves? As adults, it feels like there are so many things that eat away at our confidence. Our problems feel so complicated that we think we can never sort through them, leading to even more fear. But what if the things that make us doubt are not so complicated? What if there is a simple way to replace the doubt with confidence?

There is, of course. Let’s take a page from Susan’s children’s book I Can Handle It! The book has 50 examples of fears that children face and shows them how they can handle anything. Here is Andrew’s story:

I saw two cars hit each other today. I heard someone scream and lots of people ran over to help. When I saw an ambulance coming, I knew that someone was hurt. Now I’m afraid our car will be in an accident and we will get hurt too. But, I can handle it…

There are things I can do to make us safer in our car. I won’t make so much noise. I won’t fight with my brother or grab his snacks out of his hands. And I won’t stick my finger in his ear which I like to do because it bothers him and makes him scream. That way, my parents can pay attention to the other cars instead of yelling at us to be quiet. And I will ALWAYS wear my seatbelt. I feel better now that I have a plan. See, I can handle it!

No Matter What Happens, I Can Handle It!

This is a simplistic way of looking at fear meant to help children learn to cope with things that scare them. But really, we all have the same fears. As adults, our fears may be more complex, but it still comes down to looking at the thing that scares you and making a plan to deal with it. You might not be able to control all aspects of the fearful situation, but you can do something. There are always actions you can take even if that means just letting go and giving in to a higher power.

Susan wrote, “We all seem to go through a similar journey when it comes to developing a sense of confidence within ourselves. And we continue on this journey throughout our lives…which is why adults can learn as much as children when it comes to the ‘I can handle it’ lesson.”

Susan continued, “You know that you don’t like the fact that lack of trust in yourself is stopping you from getting what you want out of life. Knowing this creates a very clear, even laser-like, focus on what needs to be changed. … What matters is that you begin now to develop your trust in yourself, until you reach the point where you will be able to say: Whatever happens to me, given any situation, I can handle it!”

There are myriad reasons why we have trouble trusting ourselves. We’re sure you could think of a number right this minute, but the “why” we don’t trust isn’t as important as changing self-doubt into a feeling of trust. Susan wrote, “Does it really matter where our self-doubts come from? I believe not. It is not my approach to analyze the whys and wherefores of troublesome areas of the mind. It is often impossible to figure out what the actual causes of negative patterns are, and even if we did know, the knowing doesn’t necessarily change them.”

So rather than wasting energy analyzing the root of your negative thinking and wondering why you don’t have trust in yourself, be like Andrew and create a plan to overcome your self-doubt. Action here is far more important than analysis. When you take action to handle it, you are claiming the power you have to decide how you want to move forward and reclaiming trust in yourself.

You are never too young or too old to believe in yourself…
to know that you can act lovingly and powerfully
in any situation that ever confronts you.

Learning How to Wonder

In Embracing Uncertainty, Susan gives us three variations on an exercise to learn how to cultivate a Wondering Life. Here is one of them. Give this exercise a try to see how much wonder there is in your life already.

This variation of The “I Wonder” Exercise asks you to take a look at your diary or daily planner and, on a separate piece of paper or on your computer, make a list of activities that are coming up the following day. After each activity on the list, write, “I wonder how this will turn out. “ There is no hoping, there is only wondering. Then, at the end of each day, again, as if it were the end of a film, record how it actually did turn out.

It is common for us to make statements about approaching events such as, “I hope Tom and I will have a great dinner tonight”. Again, this kind of statement inherently has the opportunity for disappointment since hopes are often shattered. The dinner may be lousy. And you are disappointed. When that sentence is changed to “I wonder how my dinner with Tom will turn out”, you create an opportunity for a win-win situation. It may be good or it may be bad, but you have reduced the emotional investment that hoping usually brings. You have also increased your opportunity for adventure instead of judgment.