Tom Clempson's Blog, page 6
July 16, 2012
Last Week’s Tweets
Merry Summer! The temperature in Manchester on this "beautiful" July day is the same as it was on Christmas Day. #
I want 'in front' to be one word. Please. #
Is it just me, or do women who wear tea cosies on their heads seem a little bit… odd? #
When I eat cheese… It makes my whole face smell of cheese! (and no, it's not because of the crazy way I eat it) #ImACheeseFace #
If you want to discuss having a cheesy face just use the hash tag #ImAcheeseFace (just watch this one start trending!) #
I want 'grammar schmammar' to be one word. #
Just saw Evil Grey-haired Will Ferrell & Gawky Duck-faced @GwynethPaltrow lookalikes in space of 2 mins! (no pics. Just imagine & be amazed) #
Yesterday I wrote 1400 words in 3 hours. Today I managed the same amount in 6. Boo! Made up for it with an extra 700 in 30 mins though. Woo! #
Yesterday I told @Jo_Stapley that she should write a review of the British national anthem. AND SHE DID!!! It's here http://t.co/Gx6QybSv #
Just remembered I was parked in a 2hr limit zone… FOR 3 HOURS!
Near heart attack on way back to car.
No parking ticket though! Phew-eee! #
Having a brilliant day off with @cupcakes4clara for her 30th Birthday (Happy Birthday, wife!). Feels like a little holiday! #
I LOVE writing this new book. I'll be sad when I finish it. But looking forward to others. #
Sometimes it's chilly
Sometimes it's hot
And sometimes it's one of those stupid days when you're constantly… http://t.co/oH11Gqqi #
I #amwriting #YoungAdult outside in the rain, and I SWEAR these two leafy buggers keep edging closer! http://t.co/aftP0C1y #
Related posts:Last Week’s Tweets
Last Week’s Tweets
Last Week’s Tweets
July 11, 2012
My Week By Numbers* #3
*In the unlikely event of my week being slightly mundane or uneventful I may resort to referencing events from alternative weeks of my life (just see if you can spot them).
New Things I Tried This Week: 3
Telling a friend what an amazing person they are (as a species, we tend to wait until someone dies until we tell them what we think of them. I’m trying to change that in myself).
Watched a Brit in the final of Wimbledon
Listened to music on this new fangled thing called a Compact Disc!
People I Annoyed/Made Hate Me: Innumerable
My wife because… see my Last Weeks Tweets
Most women who follow me on Twitter, because… same as above.
Tings That Inspired Me:
My best friend, Henry, told me that he totally slep over at someone else’s house and he didn’t even get homesick. Not once! This has so inspired me to definitely do a sleepover AND NOT EVEN CRY AT ALL!!!
Hours Spent Writing: 30! THIRTY!!!
Number of Words Written: 12,000!!
Things That Really Made Me Laugh: 2
Henry totally trumped in the middle of assembly, and then, get this, he turned around to Hannah Booth and totally pretended it was her. It was so funny, and we, like, laughed and laughed about it for ages and aaaagessss!
This video of my kids being total musical geniuses.
My Kids Are Musical Prodigies! from Tom Clempson on Vimeo.
Things I Learned: 1
Manchester Royal Eye Hospital finally looked at my MRI results (almost a full month after the scan), and my GP (who went on a mission to get the results and promised to “kick some bottom” for me!) has confirmed that the results do not indicate MS (we were expecting they would)!
Related posts:My Week By Numbers
My Week By Numbers
July 9, 2012
Last Week’s Tweets
I finally left the library and gave in to the lure of the coffee shop (and got the whole place to myself!) http://t.co/vsjYwqmS #
#writing Road rage, Hugh Laurie, pranks, crazy children, + my next book
On the blog today.
http://t.co/XrFSvGYp #
It looked like a leaf
But it wasn't a leaf
It was dog poo
(I'm seriously considering sticking with this poetry thing) #
I feel sorry for him.
Not the guy in the wig, but the 1970's footballer that he must have scalped to get it. #
Look @cupcakes4clara you could win your own birthday present for next year! http://t.co/tTbFbdFW #
I just picked a half-eaten rusk up off the floor and ate it. I'm not sure what that says about me. #
That last tweet reminds me of a conv. I had w @cupcakes4clara about the difference between FB & Twitter
FB= "Look at me!"
T= "I just farted" #
I think they ship-in attractive ladies to walk past the coffee shop window whilst I'm trying to work #ThingsIveSaidThatUpsetMyWife #
I just burnt your dinner #ThingsIveSaidThatUpsetMyWife (prediction for when she comes downstairs) #
At coffee shop. In a rush. BIG queue. 2 women in front reach Cashier: "What would u like?"
Women: "Oh! We don't know!"
My head: BOOOOM! #
So anyway, today loads of uglies keep walking past the coffee shop window whilst I'm trying to work
(Does this make up for yesterday's one?) #
So anyway, today these 2 demented women keep harassing me on Twitter whilst I'm trying to work! #
How to make rainy days more fun: Pretend that aliens have landed and they all have heads like umbrellas (then look out of window). #
The cabbages are chasing me!
They won't leave me alone
Their putrid stench is haunting me!
Or maybe it's just… http://t.co/bukiXc2b #
Dear @cupcakes4clara PLEEEASE let me sleep in when you wake up! Child is insane. It's 5.15am. 2hrs sleep. There is now a toy pony in my ear. #
Congratulations @totalfilm This has to be one of the ugliest magazine covers ever! http://t.co/kBUB7wIB #
Related posts:Last Week’s Tweets
Last Week’s Tweets
Last Week’s Tweets
July 3, 2012
My Week By Numbers
New Things I Tried This Week: 3
Having a child free house for a whole night! Theo went for his first ever sleepover (he’s nearly 2). I got NINE hours straight!
Green Tea flavoured Kit Kat. The entire thing was green! Tasted mostly of just wafer though.
Going for a walk with no idea of where I was going or where I was, and discovering that, where we have lived for 9 years, we are surrounded by miles and miles of beautiful countryside walks. Who knew?! (probably everyone but me)
People I Annoyed/Made Hate Me: Just 7
The 6 people who tried to pick up the £1 coin that was super-glued to the floor near my desk and assumed I was the prankster (I wasn’t!)
The poor fella who sat in his car behind me whilst he kindly waited impatiently for me to wait for the two lanes of crosstown traffic to clear before I left the junction (unlike him, who decided to pull around me just as I was pulling out, cut me up, almost drove into my daughter’s door, then ended up parking in the space next to me outside of nursery). I very kindly informed him of what I thought of his driving. And his stupid little brain).
Tings That Inspired Me: 1
Hugh Laurie. We went to see him and his blues band (The Copperbottom Band) last night, and, against all expectations, they were even better than the first time we saw them. What a genuinely amazing collection of musicians. Those instruments must wait all day aching to be picked up and brought so brillintly to life. Exhillerating, uplifting, awe-inspiring stuff. Highly recommended!
Hours Spent Writing: 1
Number of Words Written: 500
Things That Really Made Me Laugh: 3
Hugh Laurie (again), comparing the purpleness of The Lowry theatre’s interior to “Sailors genitals”
Someone mishearing me and thnking I called them a “Burmese Pleb” (I didn’t and she’s not from Burma)
The crazy fashion in which my children choose to sleep…
Things I Learned: 2
Manchester Royal Eye Hospital do not want me to know the results of my MRI from 3 weeks ago! THREE times they have told me they will call me back with the results and I am coming to the conclusion that on those 3 occasions they were LIARS!
My next book (a sequel to One Seriously Messed-Up Week) is already available to pre-order on Amazon. And I haven’t even finished it yet (including the title)! http://www.amazon.co.uk/One-Seriously-Messed-Up-Weekend-Clempson/dp/1907411690/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1341269172&sr=1-2
Related posts:My Week By Numbers
My Favourite Things This Week
July 2, 2012
Last Week’s Tweets
I'm confused about Humpty Dumpty #
Genuinely confused! How would we know he was an egg if it wasn't for the illustrations? IS he an egg?! @mattlibrarian @PewterWolf13 #
So, if Humpty wasn't an egg, then that's just really dull storytelling! @mattlibrarian @PewterWolf13 #
My week by numbers, featuring @theJeremyVine ! http://t.co/FKIpHJ5N #
Thanks for the RT Jeremy! @theJeremyVine #
I'm going to sleep now, before I get cyber-beaten-up @sisterspooky @mattlibrarian #
Thanks for the RT! @sisterspooky @cupcakes4clara @AtomBooks #
I ate some porridge
It spilled on my nipple
Silly nipple
(Yes, I know, how have I gotten this far without… http://t.co/cEXG5tCO #
WHAT is going on???!!! #Wimbledon #
His balls keep popping out of his shorts! #Wimbledon #
"Give him the one up the middle" #Wimbledon #smut #
Yesterday @HughLaurieBlues played @Cornbury Festival (as did my brother, with @Satsangi_band). Tonight he played Manchester & was AMAZING! #
Related posts:Last Week’s Tweets
Last Week’s Tweets
Last Week’s Tweets
June 27, 2012
Reluctant Readers: Could YOU turn one?
Following on from the last ‘Reluctant Readers’ post, and in answer to ALL of your comments (thank you Jo Stapley!), I’m asking – how do we get reluctant readers to pick up a book and read it? Because, lets face it, the term ‘reluctant reader’ is slightly rose tinted. ‘Non readers’ is probably more realistic.
Some of the weight of getting people to read HAS to lay on the shoulders of schools, right? Jo made a great point – if schools set enjoyable reading asignments, regularly, then that should really get the ball rolling once an interest has been peaked. But how much can we rely on schools to get this right? How much can we rely on anyone ever finding any school assignment ‘enjoyable’? No matter how brilliant the source material is, if it is spoon-fed at school, then there is a danger of verging on ‘Eat your greens!’ territory. If teacher says it’s good, then it must be real bad. Like my younger brother-in-law who, at school, watched Schindler’s List (one of my favourite films at the same age) and came back saying
We watched the most boring old war film in school. Something called Stiffler’s List!
Jo is right, schools do need to make more of an effort to make reading enjoyable, and the government needs to be putting money into literacy development instead of pulling out and closing libraries. This would surely do some good.
But what about the truly stubborn types? The “I wouldn’t touch a book if you paid me” ones? How the hell do you go about turning them (and should we even bother?). Well, if reading at school could be considered as the ‘stick’ approach, then what would be considered to be the ‘carrot’? What could entice non-readers to pick up a book?
A great cover? Yes, but, if they have no interest in reading then why would they bother looking at that?
A glowing review? Sure, but again, to non-readers a book review is as relevant as the a phone directory is to a homeless person (who doesn’t want to make any phone calls).
An advert? Well, in a book shop, or in a newspaper, an advert would be as usefull as the above two suggestions. But what if an advert was thrown out into the mass media, the way big films or games are? What’s stopping publishers from mimmicking those movie promo ads where they film young people coming out of the cinema, commenting on how “That was the scariest thing I have ever experienced in my life!” or “I laughed so hard I actually popped a testicle!” Why do we never see marketing for books on a similare scale to that of music, movies and games?
One simple answer could be this – Why would anyone spend HUGE amounts of money trying to market a book to a bunch of people who REFUSE to read? It would either take balls of steel or brains of lead to try such a thing, surely? (Or perhaps a government bursary, because you can’t make an omelette without breaking some eggs, and there’s no point in an omelette even exisiting if no one wants to eat it! Or read it… Trust me, this makes sense in my head!)
But, until that miraculous omelette day comes around, it appears to remain the duty of the school librarians, the teachers, parents, big sisters etc. to try to find a way of somehow coercing ‘reluctant readers’ into being a little less reluctant and a bit more readery, by any means possible. But what means?
Related posts:Reluctant Readers, Really?
June 25, 2012
My Week By Numbers
New Things I Tried This Week: 3
Crystalised Stem Ginger (it’s hotter than you’d think!)
Walking like a clown (stupider than you’d think).
Quitting coffee and alcohol at the same time (bigger failure than you’d think).
People I Annoyed/Made Hate Me: 1 (I like to kid myself)
I may have said “vagina face” to the wrong person.
Tings That Inspired Me: 1
Speaking to a teacher at Matilda’s new school (starting in September) reminded me how much I believe that praise and positive teaching is far better than criticism and pressure. (i.e. “Lets see how well we can go AROUND this puddle” works much better than “If you jump in that dirty great puddle I will feed your toes to a zombified pig!”) We’re running out of toes here.
Hours Spent Writing: 3
Number of Words Written: 1600
Things That Really Made Me Laugh: 2
(see the bottom of this post)
A friend told me a story about his school-mate who, in a school play, had to pretend to vomit, but, on the night, got a bit carried away and accidentally threw up all over the stage!
Things I Learned: 4
Too much coffee keeps me awake at night (obviously I knew the theory behind this, but on Tuesday, after two strong 5pm coffees, I learned the hard way)
My son (Theo, age 1) REALLY likes swinging (in the toddler sense of the word).
In two weeks there will be no more work at my day job, which means that A: I’ll have some time to write, and B: I’ll have NO MONEY!
Jeremy Vine on Radio 2 is an accidental comedy genius. He was covering quite an upsetting story about how a family, on a picnic, witnessed a pair of out-of-control dogs chase a cow off a (small) cliff (it survived), then proceed to attack it. For some reason Vine decided to piece the event together in the form of a ‘sketch’, turning the whole thing into comedy gold…
My sketch of the Cornwall incident where two dogs chased a cow off a cliff: twitter.com/theJeremyVine/…
— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) June 20, 2012
(click the link in Vine’s tweet to see his breathtaking storyboard!)
Related posts:Last Week’s Tweets
My Favourite Things This Week
Last Week’s Tweets
Go and check out @sisterspooky 's blog featuring the lovely @Keris , cake, and my special face http://t.co/inJa30GK #
PLEASE look at Vine's art! “@theJeremyVine: My sketch of the Cornwall incident where 2 dogs chased a cow off a cliff: http://t.co/spShCEhN” #
Grieving mother's warning to young men | Leamington Observer: http://t.co/SvHy6wfA #
I'm sure that in years to come all our kids will say " What's wrong with the weather? I can remember when summer used to be nice & wet!" #UK #
I am clearly in a minority. #amnottweetingaboutfootballOR50shadesofgrey #
Related posts:Last Week’s Tweets
June 18, 2012
Last Week’s Tweets
Just realised @cupcakes4clara has interviewed @hoonbutton (Leigh Hodgkinson)! 'Dont Dip Your Chips In Your Drink Kate' is a personal fav. #
Watching TV. @RickMoranis53 appears on screen. Theo (age 1) points at screen, smiles, then squeals "Mummy!" #
Matilda with her proud new creation… Pez with humous! http://t.co/n1Ps4NJ8 #
Related posts:And The Winner Is…
Last Week’s Tweets
June 11, 2012
Last Week’s Tweets
I REFUSE to put the heating on in JUNE! http://t.co/yu08jBHY #
Beginning to regret that 'cake for breakfast' idea (maybe 3 was a bit excessive) #
Just discovered I was the filling in a @cat_clarke sandwich! Ooh la la! (and we all know why I got recommended read don't we Cat?) #
I got to meet the legendary @sisterspooky today! She has a face like a frog. http://t.co/Wp0kxtNL #
Just been to @Keris book launch. Brilliant lady, supported by many brilliant bloggers. What a jolly nice evening! #
There was supposed to be a photo with that earlier tweet @cat_clarke http://t.co/4dB9ezJb #
I'm eating porridge.
(thank god for twitter eh?) #
Related posts:Last Week’s Tweets
Last Week’s Tweets
Last Week’s Tweets
