Michael Joe Armijo's Blog, page 79

The Beginnings - Part 7: THAT EROTIC VALENTINE'S DAY CARD

Now that writing was my only occupation, regardless of the critical and financial outcome. I felt I had found my ‘place’.
-Janet Frame
An Autobiography

April 2, 1983

After washing my car I put the convertible top down and cruised over to Michael Padazinski’s apartment in San Francisco. We went to Ocean Beach, Twin Peaks, the Golden Gate Park and the St. Francis Wood’s ritzy neighborhood. There was an unfortunate moment when we ran into Mark Beam on Castro Street. Mark is the guy that I met on Waikiki Beach in Honolulu. He’s the one who lives in Berkeley. I wonder if I should call him.

I wonder why Howard the A.H. (AssHole) hasn’t called me. I hope he never does actually. I’ll let him initiate the contact. I didn’t like the way he treated me in Mexico.

My convertible top wouldn’t go down, so I’ll have to bring it in for service on Monday morning. What a pain! I was pissed because I wanted to make it to that Birthday Party for Beth Neroda. She lives in Montclair and I used to work with her at Pacific Telephone in Downtown Oakland. My convertible top troubles didn’t stop me. I was able to borrow my Dad’s blue Ford Pinto. Ma and Pa went to Judy Gonzales’s (mom’s cousin) for a pre-wedding family dinner.

I gave Beth Neroda the stuffed penguin that I found on Castro Street. I made a quick appearance and left for home. It’s too bad that Barbara Reynold’s didn’t show up for the party. I didn’t know many people there.

April 3, 1983

It’s Easter Sunday. I took a bike ride this morning along South Shore Beach in Alameda. I bumped into Carole McRory (my high-school Junior Prom date). I was surprised to learn that she is now married to some dude who is a couple of years older—or was it younger? I noticed a few wrinkles around her eyes but she still looks effortlessly gorgeous. Her younger brother looked like her younger sister.

I hope I didn’t give him a complex when I said, “You look like your sister.”

After my bike ride I drank grape juice and 7-UP. I read my MADISON AVENUE Magazine and ESQUIRE Magazine. I took a nap. I showered. I ate a nice, home-cooked meal made my ‘mama’. She made this delicious ham with pineapple juice infusion. That was so good.

I think I’ll plan to use my BASS Tickets Gift Certificate that I won from work for a travel package deal to the US Festival on Memorial Day Weekend.

I received a surprise phone call from Paige LaBris in Sacramento. She and her girlfriend may come to visit San Francisco this coming Thursday (April 7th). Perhaps I will see her at that time.

April 4, 1983

From noon until five o’clock the computer terminals were on the blink. That was no fun at all.

My car is now fixed. The trunk release button, my quartz digital clock, the automatic convertible top up/down button, the passenger sun visor and the light that didn’t light-up when the passenger opened the door are all working now. Phew!

After picking up my car I ate a ham sandwich with fresh peas and grape juice. Then I went for a bike ride and felt totally rejuvenated during my ride in and around Harbor Bay Island.

I telephone Paige Labris from work.
Paige said, “I’m definitely coming to San Francisco on Thursday with my friend, Leslie…I think.”
I loved how she said ‘definitely’ and then said, ‘I think’.

I telephoned Lisa Pingatore from work also. I left a message on her answering recorder.
If she doesn’t call me back I say, “Later for you!”
In fact, the same terms go for Dr. Edelstein. I hope he doesn’t call to tell the truth. As far as Lisa goes…if she doesn’t call me it’s clearly her loss.

I started to watch PARADISE ALLEY but Sylvester Stallone movies tend to bore me. Mel Gibson is my hero ‘I think’.

Tuesday
April 5, 1983
Well, memories from Mexico came rushing in today. I tell you. I received one postcard and a letter. The letter and postcard was from Maria De Lourdes, the girl I met at that Guadalajara Disco who is an aspiring dentist. I also received a phone call from Howard today!
Howard said, “Seanne had been asking about you, so I thought I’d call and find out.”
I wonder if that’s the only reason he called.
I explained where I had disappeared after Guadalajara and went on about the great time I had in Mazatlan. I also told him about the letter I’d just received from Maria.
Howard interrupted, “I enjoyed Guadalajara so much that I may move there next year and work there without pay at some hospital.”
I thought, “Good for you.”
As far as I’m concerned I hope he does go. I’ll be able to steal the time that he has with SuAnne for me. She’s a sweet intellectual. I’d say she’s a ‘reasonable looker’ too.

Today was Pat Overshoun’s 15th Anniversary with Pacific Telephone and Telegraph. We had cake and ice-cream to celebrate.

I bought three milk-chocolate almond bars from Joan Lyons.
I said, “There goes my figure.”
Joan laughed.
The good thing is that I’ve been doing my push-ups regularly.

April 6, 1983
Wednesday

Georgia Castleberry finally received her promotion as an Assistant Manager in the Fremont Residence Accounting Service Center. I’m so happy for her. I’m only waiting for the day that I finally advance in management. It shouldn’t be too long. I hope so.

I received a call from Suzy Miller today. She hinted about getting together for dinner. I needed mental rest, so I chose to stay home and simply eat a steak sandwich that mom had made for me. I also watched a taped episode of THE EDGE OF NIGHT. Damn, that is such a good soap-opera! I also lounged and watched ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT, SQUARE PEGS and DYNASTY.

Oh yes, Teri Milham, the bitchy assistant manager, surprised me. She gave me an A-OK contact observation (with a customer) today. Is she trying to get on my good side now?

April 7, 1983

Today I received my pictures from Piedmont and Mexico (Guadalajara and Mazatlan). They came out so nice. I’m pleased.

After work in Oakland I drove into The City (San Francisco) to see Paige and her friend, Leslie. Paige looked pretty cute. I was very pleased that I picked them up in front of LIBERTY HOUSE. We went to THE SAUSAGE FACTORY for a half-sausage and mushroom and half-sausage and bell pepper pizza. It was good. I led them over to Alameda and my side of the East Bay, then they went home.
Paige said, “I might just join you on Memorial Day Weekend for that US Festival in San Bernardino.”
“That would be great. I’m so looking forward to that!”

I was feeling tired but the MAXIM Coffee along with Paige’s homemade chocolate chip cookies will likely keep me awake.

I tried to snooze anyway. I still can’t get over Paige’s cute aura. I love her hair. I just may send her a card or two. Who knows? Maybe I’ll send her that erotic VALENTINE’S DAY card that I never sent out. There was no one appropriate enough for that card.

I think I’ll call Barbara Reynold’s about our planned date to go to the zoo.

I have been returning to each year of my life to collect the treasures of my experience.
-Janet Frame
An Autobiography

The Beginnings - Part 6: THE MEANING OF LIFE

Each day there was blankness, a missing part, and it was upon this blankness that the poets were writing the story of my feelings.
-Janet Frame, An Autobiography

Approximately ’25 Years Ago’ I received a letter dated June 28, 1987 from Paloma:

Dear Michael,


Thanks for your card. I just got it today. Nice surprise. I thought you had forgotten me.


Well, yes my son is born now. He is exactly 24 days old today. He was born on Thursday the 4th of June and he is the most gorgeous baby I’ve ever seen (it is, of course, not because I’m his mother that I think this way!) You just can’t imagine how much I love him. I’ve never loved anybody that way. He is just so little and so cute. His name is Jonathan Alexandre (like his father).  The name you’re telling me about that I really like is Valerian but Alexandre didn’t like it. We couldn’t agree on any name but Jonathan. I don’t know how it sounds in the States but here in France it’s a pretty fancy name right now because of all those American TV shows. That kind of bothered me but it was going to either be Jonathan or Alexandre. That’s what his father wanted and I didn’t. I thought about Michael as a middle name—in fact. I didn’t even tell his father. He is extremely jealous and I don’t’ think he would have liked that at all!


I won’t tell you about my delivery. It would take too long. Let me just tell you that I’ve been through hell for about thirty hours! That’s kind of long…don’t you think? I had some unexpected problems but we’re both ok now. I couldn’t imagine living without Jonathan now. I’m so happy to have him. You’ve got to live it. When I found out I was pregnant it took me a while to decide to keep him. I am now so glad I did. There is nothing else like having a baby…even if I am really exhausted. I’ve got time for nothing else. I live right next to the beach. Can you believe I haven’t been out once? When I was pregnant I didn’t want to go because of my huge tummy. Now I’m too busy. I’ve got to breast feed him every three hours and in-between I’ve got to change diapers, wash tons of clothes, feed his father, etc. I can’t even sleep well at night. These little creatures just love to party then!


I didn’t know you had two nieces. Who is the second one? I only knew about Ashley. Are you also gluing bows on Lauren’s head? As you can tell, I really liked that! I put headbands on Jonathan. Lauren’s middle name is Michael? That’s original.


I just got a really nice card from Monica three days ago. The address she gives me is in Kailua, Hawaii.


I don’t know if it’s her address or her parents. She tells me that she is just moving in to a new apartment with her boyfriend. I can’t give you her telephone number. I think I forgot my little book in Paris. I can’t find it. I’m sure you should be able to find it by yourself. I seem to recall that you were pretty good at that!


What’s your phone number by the way? I’d love to be able to call you.

I just noticed that you sent your last card on June 2nd. Can you believe that’s the day I got into the hospital…two days before Jonathan’s birth? Pretty funny, isn’t it? By the way, it took 25 days to get here.


London is only half an hour from Paris by plane but it takes almost all night by train because you also need to take a boat, of course. I’d love to see you in November but I won’t be in Paris. Where I live now is about as far as San Francisco to Los Angeles. I’m going to Paris in July with Jonathan.


You can talk about working out again. I still need to lose some pounds but now people are amazed when I tell them that I just had a baby three weeks ago. I don’t look like it. I’m already working on my abdominals even if I shouldn’t yet. It’s a bit early. Did I tell you that Alexandre has changed his gym? I’m planning on working out a lot there. I just got a letter from my friend, Carmela, too. Remember her? She also always writes me about her working out. I really got you both into it, didn’t I? Here…nobody really knows how much I was into body building.


So you are on your way to become a star…that’s great. I hope you will make it this way. Then we will see each other more often.
I always remember things we did together, too. We really had some fun sometimes. Remember Santa Cruz? On the Boardwalk? How scared I was on that machine that puts you upside-down and how you wouldn’t stop making it turn. I still hate you for that!


Well, I’ve got to stop writing. Jonathan is waking-up. I’ll send pictures soon. Hope to read you soon.
Love,
Paloma
Jonathan sends you a baby warm hug.
Sorry about my English…I never get to talk anymore and it’s just getting worse and worse…

March 28, 1983

It was my first day back to work and several people were in envy of my Mazatlan tan. I felt good about work today, too. I was fairly productive.

I watched THE THORN BIRDS Part II with my Dad and John tonight.

I also love my new pajamas that I bought in Mexico from that place called LAS FABRICAS.

I telephoned Suzy Miller and Silvia Rabe (high-school pals) from work. We had great chatting time.

My brother, John, said, “Oh you know…some girl named Cathy Ainlay called you from Walnut Creek.”
“Oh Thanks; now you tell me.”

March 29, 1983

Today was a drag with the computer terminals going down. I won’t even get into the fact that Judith McDonald (a coworker) fainted while on the job.

After the work day I took a shower and drove over to the DIGGERY INN in Montclair. Lisa Pingatore wasn’t working. I simply had some apple juice and left.

I dropped over to visit Renee Miller and left a note on her door. As I was posting the note Renee’s brother, Mike, arrived. He was walking upstairs as I was posting the note. It was nice to see him. I went upstairs and he showed me a bunch of his pictures. He’s really a good photographer, too. We also discussed apartments and contemplated the idea of moving-in together. That would be a great possibility. We went to look at a place on San Jose Avenue in Alameda together. Then we popped over at his mom’s house on Oak Street.

I like Mike Miller a lot.
I said, “If we move-in together you’d give me more incentive to go running!”
He laughed. I didn’t think it so funny because I know he’s a good runner.

I returned home and balanced my check book. I mailed my IRS refund check to the bank. That’s a mild treat.

March 30, 1983

What a surprise! Mom took the day off from work. I love when she does that. I ate fish.

Then I went to MAGIC VIDEO for a VHS recorder headmaster cleaner.

Barbara Reynolds and Silvia Rabe called me.

I love mommy’s company.

March 31, 1983

I had a couple of incoming ‘surprise calls’ while at work. One was from a professional football player named Roderick ‘Something or Other’. The other surprise was from Therese Pine, an administrative nurse that I remembered from GLADMAN HOSPITAL. They were both calling regarding Yellow Page Advertisting.

I went to WALGREEN’s with mom and we saw a movie called THE GIRL MOST LIKELY TO. We watched it with dad and my brother, John. It was pretty funny—and sad at the same time. The story was actually written by Joan Rivers. It was about a really ugly girl who is teased and ridiculed. Then she transforms years later into a vivacious beauty and gets revenge on all of those that were so mean to her. I loved it.

John is moving out. He found a place at the Park-Webster condominiums in Alameda. He’ll be moving-in with his friend, Marty Rivas.

I want to move out too. It would be great to have Mike Miller as a roommate. Maybe it will happen. Yeah, I have a good time with him.

April 1, 1983

It’s GOOD FRIDAY. It feels like an EASTER kind of day at work with all of the little Easter bunny décor. Barbara’s rabbit ears were floating around the office.

I found out the NTN (New Telephone Number) for Debbie Honcik. It’s 521-5221. I worked with her when I first started as a 411 Operator in 1977. I need to reconnect with her as we always had a wonderful connection.

Juanita Lane said, “I didn’t come home last night.”
She plays games with me, saying that I’m her husband in a joking sort of way. She’s gorgeous.
Then she whispers to me, “I don’t date ‘white boys’.”
Is that a compliment?

Michael Padazinski came by my desk again.
I said, “You know, I may drop by this coming Sunday.”
He really wants me to spin by his place in San Francisco in my new wheels.

I went out with Mike Miller and his friend, Chris to see THE MEANING OF LIFE at the Festival Cinemas in Hayward. It was one of those silly Monty Python movies. Trust me…the title cut (The Meaning of Life) was NOT defined. What a ‘shitty’ movie! I enjoy Michael’s company though. The coffee float at FARRELL’s was so good. I got a free plastic mug to commemorate the evening.

That the idea of my suffering from schizophrenia seemed to me so unreal, only increased my confusion when I learned that one of the symptoms was ‘things seeming unreal’.
Van Gogh, Hugo Wolf, Schumann…all three were names as schizophrenic.
Great artists, visionaries.
-Janet Frame
An Autobiography

The Beginnings - Part 5: HIGH WINDS

Wherever you are, the best way to watch stars is lying on your back.

-Diane Ackerman
A NATURAL HISTORY OF THE SENSES

March 20, 1983 (continued)

Howard finally arrived at the airport. He was flying in from Mexico City. We had to stick around for his luggage to arrive.

I felt so tired by that time. I was looking forward to sleeping at the LA PLAZA DEL SOL Hotel. The name of the place sounded so relaxing. I did finally take a nap but it was a brief one.

Howard and I walked through the Shopping Center nearby. We ate at an open air restaurant. We took a very crowded bus to the Downtown Guadalajara area. Thanks to Howard’s effervescent personality we met Jose Luis and another guy named Fernando in the busy square. They didn’t impress me in the least. We walked through downtown with them. We saw some interesting sights but I didn’t care for Howard’s attitude. Why did he invite me here? I sometime fell alone here in Mexico. I especially feel that way while in the hotel. It’s as though I don’t even know this guy (Howard). Howard spoke his ‘gringo Spanish’ and arranged a lunch date with Jose Luis and Fernando for Monday.

March 21, 1983
Monday

We met Jose Luis at an open market house and ate lunch at his apartment in Mexico. It was a fairly nice place with a few contemporary furnishings. It was hardly my taste. I guess it wasn’t elegant enough. I did find it quaint and comfortable though. I loved listening to his radio. He played a lot of American music.

Howard and Jose Luis went into one of the bedrooms and were clearly doing ‘whatever one could imagine’ in there. I refused any part of Fernando. He didn’t impress me in the least. I think he wanted me to ‘make an intimate move’. I just couldn’t. I had no attraction for him.

One great moment was seeing MAD MAX, the Mel Gibson movie once again. Howard, the asshole, refused to give the movie a chance. This man is a stubborn son-of-a-bitch. I tell you! Most things must be his way or ‘no way’. Yes, the term son-of-a-bitch defines him.

Most of my relaxation has been lying out in front of the pool at the hotel while reading PASSIONS OF THE MIND.

Today, I did get some shopping done.

Howard said, “I’m invited to Jose Luis’ again tonight.”
Feeling bewildered, I simply said, “That’s fine.  I’ll stay here.”

And so, here I am at the LA PLAZA DEL SOL. I’m about to shower, shampoo and shine. Once I get refreshed I’ll ‘play it by ear’. I may watch a little TV and go out for a quick meal somewhere.

March 23, 1983

Today is Barbara Reynolds’s birthday. I wonder how her thirty-eighth birthday went. I went shopping and read my book by the pool at LA PLAZA DEL SOL in Guadalajara.

I was alone again tonight. I had no idea what Howard was up to. He obviously wanted to be on his own (or with Jose Luis). I went to a nightclub called LE CLUB and met a non-Mexican looking fellow at a Rock n’ Roll record shop. He was nice.

I also went to a couple of disco clubs and met one gal named Maria De Lourdes. She wants to be a dentist. Who knows where I placed her address and telephone number? I will try to maintain contact with her. She was sweet. I liked her.

March 24, 1983

Howard and I went by bus to Tacquepacque where there are a bunch of tourist shops. Howard bought a lot of nothing. He purchased a silver parrot.

A beautiful Mexican girl sat next to me while we were on the bus. Howard sat elsewhere. He really wanted to be on his own. He was talking and joking with a couple of Mexican kids.

When we arrived back at the LA PLAZA DEL SOL Hotel I really felt awkwardness about Howard’s company. He gathered some things and ditched me. What an asshole!

And so…on this evening I went out on my own to the movies and watched THE EYES IN THE FOREST, starring Bette Davis (the American title is THE WATCHER IN THE WOODS). The story revolved around a family that moved in to a country home. The young girls experience strange happenings that have a line to an occult event from years ago. It was pretty good.

After the movie I went to LE CLUB and met this cool American guy named John ‘Otis’ Alioto (aka John Christopher Alioto Jr.). He was from the Bay Area. I accompanied him to another place called BAR SOL. We waited for his friend, Monica, and some other dude they had met from Colorado. I accepted John’s offer to smoke a joint or two while we went joy riding in his jeep. We ate at the HOLIDAY INN and had some delicious Roquefort dressing in our Caesar Salads. I ate ‘Medallions of Diana’. After the meal, we were able to get into another bar at the Fiesta Americana. ‘Otis’ was really a lot of fun. He made me laugh.

March 25, 1983

John Alioto asked if I wanted to join him for a road trip to Mazatlan last night. I decided to accept his invitation for the ‘Road Warrior’ excursion from Guadalajara to Mazatlan. What the hell? I owe Howard nothing. I decided to just ‘ditch’ Howard. I felt good about it.

‘Otis’ (John Alioto) and I took a scenic six to seven hour drive all the way through dust and dirt and small towns of Mexico. My hair felt raspy, dry and awful by the time we arrived in Mazatlan. I couldn’t wait to wash my hair. I lost my sunglasses somewhere between Tepic and Mazatlan. The high winds just blew my sunglasses away. We laughed it off.

While in Mazatlan we went to AHA TORO’s with some guy from New York who was with two girls from Colorado. We continued our cool, free, airy joy riding in the jeep. When I was dropped off at SENOR FROGS I went to the HOTEL San Diego, showered, washed my hair thoroughly and crashed early for much needed sleep.

March 26, 1983

I went to the beach and met John’s San Rafael friends named Amos (Kevin), Ernie and Phil. I found it funny how John had the nickname of ‘Otis’ and Kevin had the nickname of ‘Amos’.
I said, “My other name is Jake Jaguar.”

I also met Anna Marie and Tina from Phoenix, Arizona. We took a ride to Dane Restaurant and drank plenty of Pacifico Beer at SENOR FROGS. It was fun but I had to crash and sleep after that. I took pictures and cuddled around at the HOTEL FREEMAN. Old Sue from Mill Valley petted my ass, thinking I was asleep. It was too funny.
March 27, 1983

I ate breakfast with Otis. We all went to the beach and felt slightly sick. I was looking forward to flying home for some stable time. The flight was easy.

Dad picked me up but he parked about a mile away from the San Francisco International Airport. That was okay. I was just happy to see him. I was happy to be home. I relaxed and I watched Part I of THE THORN BIRDS and went to bed. I looked over some of my mail, too. The Mexico excursion is gone and as I look in the mirror I see the Mazatlan tan.

After re-reading the above entries I did an internet search to see if I could find my old, funny friend, Otis Alioto.  I wanted to find out if he remembered our crazy road trip. Instead, I found his obituary. There were guest comments where he was referred to as ‘Otis’. It’s the same guy. How sad:

John Christopher Alioto, Jr., 07/21/1960 - 01/27/2005


John Christopher Alioto, Jr. passed away at his families' home in Novato. Funeral Mass will be at 10:00 a.m. on Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005 at St. Raphael's Church, San Rafael. Visitation will be from 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. on Tuesday, February 1st, 2005 at Keaton's Mortuary, 1022 E Street, San Rafael with Rosary beginning at 7:00 p.m. Burial will follow at Mt. Tamalpais Cemetery, San Rafael.


John was born on July 21st, 1960 in Greenbrae, CA to John C. Alioto, Sr., and Georgia M. (Mork) Alioto. He was an artifact collector for literature and enjoyed the outdoors, hiking, camping, music, Alaskan Huskies and history.


He was preceded in death by his sister, Alana Teresa Alioto in 1978, and his paternal and maternal grandparents.


John will be missed by his daughter, Brittany Blair Alioto, of Portland, Oregon, his parents, John and Georgia Alioto, of Novato, CA,, his two brothers, Darian Alioto, of Tiburon, CA and Kevin Alioto and his wife, Cheryl, of San Rafael, CA, his two sisters, Alisa Alioto, San Rafael, CA and Georgann Aliota-Reiss, of Auburn, CA, three nephews, Noah Alioto, Anthony Reiss and Andrew Reiss, a niece, Isabella Rose Alioto and many other family members and friends.

“And if you refuse my invitation you won’t get to know me. What a pity that would be. You’d regret it.”
“You’re not at all conceited, by any chance?”
“Not in the least. Just convinced of my inner worth, which generally reveals itself to good effect over lunch in charming company. So how about it?”
-Pierre Frei
BERLIN, a novel

The Beginnings - Part 4: THIS EVENTFUL TRIP

“The secret of LIFE is to ENDURE.”
-Michael J Armijo
PHILOSPHICAL STATEMENTS

PHOTO OF THE DAY ’25 Years Ago’: July 7, 1987, Honolulu, Hawaii
Jeff Sombat and his pal, Stephanie on top of DIAMOND HEAD Crater

Monday
March 14, 1983

Well, tomorrow is another day and I have to drive to work. I had the chills after work as I witnessed a car accident on the freeway. Tony, my brother, and I both witnessed it with our very own eyes. We were commuting to work in Downtown Oakland together. We both agreed that one of the drivers was driving recklessly and deserved what happened. What an action-packed way to end the work day.

In speaking of work, Helen and I are ‘more or less’ rekindling our friendship. We enjoyed lunch together even if the cafeteria ‘Quiche Lorraine’ did make my tummy feel queasy. Helen’s homemade peanut butter cookies were delicious.
I asked Helen “Is there ANYTHING that you do not make that is good?”
The cute gal just giggled.

What else can one write about on a regular Blue Monday? I am only happy that my shift ended at precisely five o’clock rather than six-thirty. I am excited about November 3, 1983. That is the date that I may be able to submit a transfer request to become an Advertising Sales Representative in San Francisco or Buena Park, California.

Tony gave me my FLOCK OF SEAGULLS cassette tape. I envy him being off from work this coming Tuesday and Wednesday.

Barbara Reynolds wasn’t at home when I telephoned her tonight. Ah shucks! I wanted to share the excitement of my new FLOCK OF SEAGULLS tape. I just love all of the songs. I RAN…so far away.

March 15, 1983

I guess my thoughtfulness paid off. I sent Salima Nasardeen-Hamilton (a cute lady at work who is on disability) a get well card. She sent me a message today at work. She wrote: ‘Thank You So Much for Your Thoughtfulness’.

That cute gal, Salima! She is black (but more tan through my eyes). She is quite fashionable in her attire and turns me on at times. Besides all of that we both get along so very well.

I cashed in three-hundred dollars to get Traveler’s Checks today for my trip to Guadalajara, Mexico. How exciting to get away! Saturday is only a few days away. I hope Howard Edelstein doesn’t forget to meet me at that Mexican Airport on Sunday.

It was nice driving to work today. I should have taken Barbara’s hint about an evening walk along Piedmont Avenue or Lake Merritt. Perhaps I will do that tomorrow.

I am happy that Jackie Woods called me also. She lifts my spirits. I know there will never be anything intimate in our relationship. It’s clear that she really ‘likes me’. She’s just NMT (Not My Type). And as far as Lisa Pinatore is concerned…if she cannot break a few dates with her girlfriends for me I feel she is not ready for as serious a relationship that I am so eagerly searching for. I king of yearn for that Rosemary ‘chick’ I see occasionally at the San Lorenzo BLACK ANGUS. Who knows? I wonder if I will see her again.
The black woman in this GONE WITH THE WIND film talks so funny. It cracks me up. And with names like ‘Prissy’…what would one expect?

I have nothing more to write about today of any vital importance. I must plan to discuss my possible cruise in June with Helen tomorrow. I will also call Seanne (Howard’s roommate) just to check up on her. I need to find out how she’s doing. I like to show my concern for her. I mean…how would it look if I called only when Howard was there? Seanne is a lovable gal. I care for her, too.

March 16, 1983

I had such a funny day when I said to my coworker, Joan Lyons, “I’m going to choose a bright green St. Patrick’s Day hat for selling all of those gift certificates.”

We have incentive contests in our office. On the table at one side of the office we are able to choose from one of the prizes. I was joking to Joan about the green St. Patrick’s Day hats. What a prized possession that would be! Many of the gifts aren’t really that rewarding. It’s all in fun I suppose. Joan and I had a non-stop laugh regarding the greet St. Patrick’s Day hat.

Today, my section went out for lunch together for having the most improved sales. We ate at the MIRABEAU RESTAURANT. It was fun sitting between Joan Lyons and Barbara Reynolds. I ate prawns and scallops. They were delicious. The wine cooler drinks that I won at the sales table look refreshing, too. Juanita Lane, another cute black chick in the office makes me laugh. I learned today that she is twenty-nine years old.
Juanita said, “I want one of those wine coolers, Michael!”
“You can have one on Friday night,” I exclaimed, “If you decide to go and see THE ROAD WARRIOR movie with me.”
The question is now whether or not she will take me up on my offer. I hope she realizes I was serious and accepts the date. We would have a good time together. She has a cute, lovable body, too.

I overheard Juanita say to Barbara, “I plan to go to a sperm bank if I don’t get married sometime soon!”
It’s hard for me to believe that she’s not married yet.

I gave Barbara a ride home and let her borrow my SAGA cassette tape. She had a good day, too. I’m so glad we have each other as friends to comfort one another during times of stress.

Occasionally, Howard crosses my mind. I wonder how he is doing. I’m glad he is out of the country right now. It makes me realize I can make time for other people easily whether he is here or not. I am looking forward to seeing him in Mexico though. How can one not look forward to a trip?

I was happy to learn from my call to mom that my ARMIJO5 license plates had arrived. I will pick them up tomorrow.

Another nice thing was to find my brother, John, at home. He returned early from his bartending job at GALLAGHER’s in Jack London Square today. We will enjoy watching DYNASTY together tonight. I will also enjoy watching Joan Rivers on THE TONIGHT SHOW with Johnny Carson. John’s early arrival inspired me to go out for dinner with him. He wasn’t turned on to The Rustler or Straw Hat Pizza in Alameda.
John said, “I’m tired of those places because I frequent those joints.”
“So where do you want to go?”
“How about DENNY’s…near the Oakland Airport?”

And so, we waited for a DENNY’s waitress to seat us. It took forever so we walked out and went across the street to THE SIRLOIN AND BREW. The waitress at SIRLOIN AND BREW somewhat resembled Joan Rivers. She got off on the wrong foot with John. I must admit. There wasn’t anyone there to greet us when we walked in to the place. It also took five to seven minutes before we were seated. I felt sorry for her. John did not, of course.
She did win a half point when she came by to ask John, “Are you still mad at me?”
I laughed. I tipped her fifteen percent anyway. It was nice to have dinner with my kid brother for a change. I like his company and keeping tabs with his life because I care for him very much. He has a blind date soon. I don’t know whether I envy or pity the guy. I mean, a blind date is so ‘blind’. Who knows? What can one expect?

March 17, 1983
St. Patrick’s Day

I spent today working but was happy about picking up my personalized license plates (ARMIJO5) for my new Mustang Convertible.

Helen called me while I was home.
She promised, “When you get back from Mexico…I promise we’ll discuss definite plans for our cruise in June to the Caribbean or wherever.”
How exciting! I shouldn’t keep thinking so extravagantly though. I must begin saving my funds for my new house. That is my next intended objective.

I suppose I will go out and rock and roll at the STAR GAZE in Fremont. I promised Jackie Woods I would drop by before leaving on Saturday night. Besides, I want to cruise around with my new CALIFORNIA ‘Golden State’ ARMIJO5 reflective license plates. First, I must take short snooze. Yawn!

After my yawn I took off for BAY FAIR Shopping Center in San Leandro to browse in The Record Factory and MACY’s. I continued on my journey to STAR GAZE. It was okay but I’ve had better nights. I merely danced with Jackie and her pal, Dina. I also danced with a Marin County girl named Lisa.

March 18, 1983

It is my last day before my week in Mexico. How can I complain? Well, it’s kind of sad because I’m losing my great ‘tub mate’, Joan Lyons. We are planning on the musical chairs game in our section. And yes, Joan is leaving the department. Other than that depressed fact I have enjoyed the day. I appreciated Joan’s Bon Voyage hug good-bye. I also appreciated the thoughtfulness of Barbara Reynolds’s Bon Voyage postcard.

Tomorrow is the night. Goodbye California, USA. Hello Guadalajara, Mexico. I had planned on reading tonight; yet, I am now contemplating a visit to THE BRICKHOUSE in San Leandro. It’s a Rock n’ Roll joint that was recommended by Michael Miller and his pal, Chris. There is also MOTHER’s in San Jose. That’s an idea, too. And so…I just may go out and ROCK OUT.

MOTHER’s was a drag! It turned out that everyone there was much too young. I did meet someone named Kimberly Night (a bitch who wouldn’t dance with me and a high-school junior—believe it or not). I also met Thelma Durhendahl of San Jose. She was okay…but just NMT (Not My Type).

March 19, 1983

After I picked up my income tax return documents I rode my bike to Suzy Miller’s. Sue, her sister Renee and I went to OLE’S WAFFLE SHOP. It was so much fun. It was a quaint outing and we promised each other that we’d do it again. I realized that Renee really does ‘something to me’ inside. I will have to pursue her. She’s so smart and such great company. I love her auburn hair and light green eyes.

I was pissed about both 24-Hour Teller Machines at the GREAT WESTERN in Alameda and San Leandro. They were both closed! It sure was great to cruise my car with the convertible top down on such a nice day though. I like to look at the bright side.
One old man asked me, “How much did that car go for?”
There were also a group of teeny-bopper dudes who said, “That car is BITCHIN!”
It was all so flattering.

March 20, 1983

Well, here I am in Guadalajara, Mexico! Believe me, it’s NO fun! This is because I don’t really comprehend a lot of the lingo. They speak much too fast. It’s seven-thirty in the morning. I am waiting here at the airport for Howard to arrive. If he’s forgotten I think I’ll die. What will I do? Where will I go? I must think positive. I am sure he will arrive soon.

Maybe I will look for a place to buy postcards to occupy my time. I shall conclude about this eventful trip later (and yes, I am being sarcastic).

“I will not accept authority, jealousy, questioning my conduct. I insist on being free!”
-Uma Thurman to Robert Pattinson
BEL AMI, 2012 motion-picture

The Beginnings - Part 3: LONELINESS

It isn’t a question of mood.  It’s a question of concentration.
-BLITHE SPIRIT
An Improbably Force
A Noel Coward Play

Sunday
March 13, 1983

I listened to the FLEETWOOD MAC “MIRAGE” album today. I kept playing it over and over again. The “OH DIANE” song reminded me of my first love at St. Anthony’s: Diane Laschatz. The album is simply beautiful, easy listening sort of music. I also like the songs “EMPIRE STATE” and “HOLD ME”.

I cleaned out my closets and drawers today of unwanted shirts and pants in order to donate to a mentally retarded organization that left a card in my mailbox. Before all of my clothing was boxed my dad insisted on keeping a few of the items.
Dad said, “I could lose weight in a few months and fit in these.”
I laughed. It was fine with me. He can keep the clothes I don’t want. I just can’t see the day he reaches his ideal weight to fit into some of them. My mom also believes that dad will ‘show me up’ and fit into a pair of jeans that I gave up.
I said to mom, “Okay, only time will tell.”

I persuaded mom into making a few pancakes for us this evening. It’s strange but I craved pancakes for dinner! In Sweden pancakes are eaten for dinner…not breakfast. Why not join the club?

Nothing much else happened today. I did have a minor nap and a hot, relieving shower. Of course, I gained more insight into the life and times of good old Sigmund Freud as well.

At this point in the PASSIONS OF THE MIND book, Sigmund is twenty-seven years old (four years older than I am now). Most of his patients are suffering from some sort of mental illness. It brings back some memories of when I was institutionalized from November 23, 1980 through April 17, 1981. I think I can write about the situation a little more extensively now. Time has passed and I have learned from it:

I remember I was attending Cal State University, Sacramento at the time. I had only one more semester to complete before graduation. I can make a list now of all of the things that were bothering me ‘at the time’:
LONELINESS:  There was much yearning for and ‘not having people’ with me that I really liked. I liked Jeff Thurman, my next-door neighbor but he wasn’t always available. Lynne Major, who was geographically undesirable in Martinez, CA, was going through a separation from her husband. Linda Lore had a boyfriend. Michelle Von Thaden had a boyfriend and wanted me but was torn between the other guy who was divorced and had a child from his previous marriage. Pat Shikuzawa, my supposedly good friend who lived in Sacramento spent limited time with me. My parents were quite a distance away and I missed them very much. There was also the break-up of that dwindled romance with Lauralee Robertson of Tustin, CA. I met her via a wrong number and took a bus to Southern California and she sent me a photo of another pretty girl in her class. She was pretending to be someone else and it became very awkward once I met her in person.

SCHOOLWORK:  The pressure of exams and the shifts of thought one course in particular gave me that was called THE AGE OF INCOHERENCE. The instructor was obsessed with his Yogi and the New Testament and focused this Communications Studies course into diverse subjects like religion, rape, advertising, futurism, love and sex. The instructor had a full bear that covered his face and he was intimidating. Frankly, he was downright scary.

EMPLOYMENT and MONEY:  My limited budget and possibilities of employment with the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency) were at a high point. I was being screened and interviewed for the position of ‘Special Agent’. The testing, questions and investigations put me into a paranoid sort of feeling.
One interviewer in at the CIA office in San Francisco said, “Don’t be surprised if you see someone following you. It might be one of our employees watching your activities.”

LOVE, ROMANCE and SEX:  My deep, heavy courtship with Lynne Major was so exciting for me; however, there was a bothersome conflict. She was married and I wanted to please her. I wanted her to want me. In addition, an instructor in the Communications Department named Bob Sellner asked me to meet him in his private office one evening. He was my Speech teacher on Monday nights. He ‘came on’ to me. He was a married man who was extremely attracted to me. The move was made at the University. He was in his early forties and I was not attracted to him. In fact, he caught me so off-guard when he put his hand on my leg. He reminded me of the weather forecaster named Pete Giddings from San Francisco.
I told him, “I’ll have to think about it.”
That’s all I could think of saying. Then I wondered if this was a planted activity by the CIA to test my reaction. I was alarmed. It added to my paranoia.

And so…during the Thanksgiving recess from college I had a heavy date arranged with Lynne Major. We went to dinner at the Stanford Court Hotel at a restaurant called Fornou’s Oven. I bought her six red and six yellow roses. After the fine dining we twirled around at the Top of the Mark bar over a couple of pina colada cocktails. It was romantic. I felt as though I was on cloud nine and ‘so in love’ with this beautiful long-haired blond twenty-six year old woman. I was a mere twenty-one but the five year age difference didn’t matter to me. We kissed, kissed and slept together in her bed in Martinez, California. I loved lying next to her. Her body wasn’t perfect. It seemed as though one breast was slightly irregular to the other. Her golden haired pubic hair was all that I had hoped for.

Lynne and I made plans for dinner the next evening. I arrived at her apartment. I was so excited about seeing her again that I left early from my parents’ house in Alameda. When I arrived I got the crazy impression that there was another man in her apartment. I was fuming.
When I arrived I thought she’d be excited to see me but she opened the door by just a crack and said, “What are you doing here?”
I left  because she wouldn’t let me in her apartment. I drove back to Alameda and simply went to my room and listened to some tunes on the radio. I was in such a paranoid state that I began to believe that every song that played on the radio related to me in a very strange and connective way. How could this be? Is it the CIA that is doing this? I turned off the radio and decided to watch TV. Every show and credit and phrase that I saw on the screen seemed to pertain to me. My folks thought I was acting strange. They were also surprised that I had lost so much weight.
I explained, “Well, I ride my bike to school every day!”

My weight was at 145 to 150 pounds. I knew I wasn’t eating right. I skipped meals. While home I had bread and wine as a nightcap. I began to feel some religious undertones that took over the ‘passions of my mind’ from reading excerpts from the New Testament. I was reading it for that strange AGE OF INCOHERENCE Communications Studies course that I was taking. It was extra credit reading. I didn’t have to do it—but I did because some people at the University were handing out the New Testament books for free.

On this night I truly had the crazy impression that my longtime high-school friend, Suzy Miller, and her friend, Sandy Renk (her roommate at the time) were engaging in a lesbian affair. I had to make sure that it wasn’t so. I had to see her.   I felt a need to be with her.  Why I thought this was beyond me? It was pure hallucination on my part. My mind was effortlessly afloat and drifting further away from me.

My parents did not want me to go to Suzy Miller’s house because they thought I was acting strange. My mother especially felt I was ‘not myself’. She believed it was all the fault of Lynne Major.

I recall that on this very morning I said to my mother, “You know, Mom, I think I saw the Mother of God and she spoke to me as ‘Michael, the Archangel.”
My mom cried when I told her this.
She said, “I think I saw the Mother of God once, too—when my grandmother died.”
I was amazed by her comment. I was also curious about her tears. Were they tears of joy or sadness?

Anyway, I ended up escaping the house for Suzy Miller’s house quietly. I ran out of the house. I remember running through the middle of the street on Maitland Drive. I was wearing my Dad’s lamb’s wool vest and cowboy boots. I was running in cowboy boots! I was also carrying my mom’s VIRGO blue-green medallion-like pendant key chain, believing it was some sort of illuminating force.

It wasn’t long until I reached the Bay Farm Island Bridge and startled a girl who was on her bike. She looked like Paula Rodriguez, the daughter of my parent’s best-friends).
I stopped her on her bike and shouted, “I need to get to Suzy’s house before it’s too late!”
She looked at me with fear in her eyes. The look on her face even scared me, so I let her go on her merry way. I know I must have scared her.
I believe I said to her, “Watch out and be careful tomorrow because something’s going to happen to everybody!”
This was also about the same time that Ronald Reagan was newly elected as President over Jimmy Carter.

I never did make it to Suzy Miller’s house but I do often wonder what would have happened if I did get there. Would I have calmed down? Would I have been brought back to my ‘normal zone’? Was I really that abnormal after all? I guess I was out of my realm because I sort of remember my mom and dad arrived by car while I was on the Bay Farm Bridge and got me into their car. They promised to take me to Suzy’s house but instead drove back home. I made a foolish attempt to choke my mother by the neck because I was mad that they’d brought me back home. After they’d lured me into the car I thought they were taking me to Suzy’s house. I became enraged when I realized they were returning home.

By the time we reached our house I was so upset I kind of recall dropping my pants when Dad parked in the driveway. I was still in the back seat.
I grabbed my penis and yelled, “Look, it stretches!”
My mother turned around and gasped.

Before I knew it the police arrived and carted me off to Highland Hospital. There was a black cop and white cop.
I shouted at the black cop, calling him, “Mohammed!”
I kept muttering the “Mohammed” name during the drive to the Alameda County Hospital where I was escorted to the Psychiatric Unit. I felt angry and like a fiend (a very evil person). I felt remorse about these cops taking me away to an unknown place.

I remember the cops carried me inside. I was strapped and put into restraints by my ankles and wrists. It was as if I was an animal. I felt like I was being crucified. I sort of remember my folks visiting me there. They peered through the window while I was lying in restraints. I thought I saw them. I can’t be sure.
I yelled at them, asking, “How could you allow them to take me away?”

By morning I was calm. I persuaded a fat, black nurse maid into taking off my restraints. They were so tight. It was such a relief to be loosened from the straps. My ankles and wrists were so hurt and sore from it. I could hear the screaming and yelling of other victims in the other rooms. This was no consolation. I hallucinated about butterflies because butterflies are free. I also hallucinated about Brazil and my Brazilian girlfriend, Lucia Junquiera Franco that I met on a flight to Hawaii. I thought of butterflies and Brazil.

When I was released I was taken to a breakfast room with a bunch of mentally disturbed people that were all overly medicated. I started to talk to a lot of them, trying to understand their problems. I became fixated as a psychologist for these other people in lunatic mode. Suddenly, and for some unknown reason I ended up getting upset at some of the looks the people were giving me. I took it personally and chose to lift the dining table up and down. I wanted to ‘wake these people up’.

The security guards began to rush in to for me. I could see them running from the window. It scared me so I ran for the door and held it so they couldn’t come in for me. I didn’t want them to hurt me again and put me in restraints. I couldn’t hold on to the door any longer. They forced their way through. One of the violent chaps pulled and yanked my arm so hard that it felt like he pulled my arm out of the socket. In reality, he broke my left arm. It was horrifying as I didn’t want to look. I felt my left arm dangling.   I thought my arm was torn off.   How could this be happening to me?
I yelled, “Just put it back ON…please!”

Luckily, I was in a hospital and was transported. My upper arm was broken and out of place. After a night there I had a huge cast on my arm.

I remember seeing sunlight the following day as I was transferred by bed and ambulance to Gladman Hospital, a private psychiatric unit, nestled in the foothills of Oakland. This place was expensive and had better facilities. They were better there but I should not have been there for as long as I was there. My Dad’s insurance covered me because I was a full-time college student and under the age of twenty-three.

I felt like a monster with a giant cast on my left arm.  I felt trapped.  I couldn’t get out.  I was put on diverse medications like thorazine and lithium.   I was diagnosed as a schizophrenic.   I knew I was fine after a week.   I just had to persuade my doctor.   It wasn’t easy as I would falter back, becoming confused with the medication and flirting with the nursing staff.   I had to maintain seriousness and a yearning to be out again ‘to finish school’. 
My experiences at this Gladman Hospital can be greatly detailed but I am not in the mood to write about them now. I am only glad that it is all over. I am happy that I can write about it constructively at this time. The fact that this happened early in my life has made me conform to balance. I read that if I never had another manic-depressive psychotic episode for seven years after this incident that it would be likely that it would never happen again.

I am so glad that I will be in Guadalajara, Mexico next week. I am considering a trip to New York in early June. My friend, Helen (at Pacific Telephone) and I are also thinking about a Caribbean Singles Cruise vacation.

“LIFE is a flash and so is DEATH.”
-Mary Stuart
2009 New York BROADWAY Play

The Beginnings - Part 2: IN THE MOOD FOR DANCING

Robert Pattinson: “What does interest you?”
Christina Ricci: “I like enjoying myself.”
Robert Pattinson: “What do you enjoy?”
Christina Ricci: “I don’t know…everything.”
-BEL AMI, 2012 motion-picture

March 10, 1983
Thursday

Today was fun only because I got to hug and ‘cop a feel’ of sexy Inez Jones, my ex-boss. She’s a gorgeous black woman and such a sweet lady. There is also Beulah Brown in the order department who teased me after Joan Lyons and Pat Overschoun (my ‘tub mates’ as they are called because they sit next to me in our office cubicles) made a comment to her.
Beulah said, “Joan and Pat say you are in praise of older woman.”
I smiled and said, “It’s true!”
Life at Pacific Telephone can be amusing.

After reporting the TD list, Barbara Reynolds and I left for the UC THEATER in Berkeley to see ‘MAD MAX’, the new Mel Gibson movie.
I confessed to Barbara, “I really like Mel Gibson movies.”
“Oh, then he’s your IDOL.”
Is that it? I suppose I’d have to agree. Currently, I do idolize Mel Gibson. I loved him in THE ROAD WARRIOR and THE YEAR OF LIVING DANGEROUSLY and now in MAD MAX. Barbara is a sweet gal. I’m sure glad she forfeited her YOGA class to see the flick with me.

Jackie Woods called me (the one who frequents the STAR GAZE Club in Fremont). I learned that she had called from my returning ‘ski bum’ brother, John. I wasn’t in the mood for the STAR GAZE Club tonight. I may go next Thursday to ‘Rock Out’. My brother, John, had been away skiing for the last three days. I missed the sucker. We will have to listen to some tunes tonight.

I intend to cut THE BUTTERFLY REVOLUTION book short and begin PASSIONS OF THE MIND tonight also. I’m anxious to read this book that is filled with Sigmund Freud ‘scoop’.

March 11, 1983

Sigmund Freud’s story is proving to be quite exhilarating. I am truly enjoying the writings of Irving Stone via his book PASSIONS OF THE MIND.

My work day was quick and not very busy (which was good). At the end of my shift I gave Nici Maurino a ride home. She is a one wild critter. I still cannot consider her quite my type for some reason or another. She grew up in the San Mateo area. Perhaps they grow ‘more wild’ in the South San Francisco areas. I attempted an ‘almost kiss’. I know she wanted it—but she made me feel that I was moving too fast and didn’t allow my lips to press against hers.

Upon my arrival home I received an unexpected phone call from my friendly coworker, Barbara Reynolds. I care for her dearly. She is so sweet and thoughtful in calling me and sending me cards now and then. She’s the one who initially informed me of the MAD MAX movie, the JOAN RIVERS Concert-Show in San Francisco and other events (Rock n’ Roll, the Zoo, Books, Tarot Cards, Articles of interest and astrology). All in all, she lifts my spirits and I think I do the same for her. We have a zoo date scheduled for April 9th.
Michael Padazinksi came by my desk a couple of times today. I think he really likes me as he wanted to suggest my stopping over to his place over the weekend.
“Yeah,” Michael said, “You should drive over and show me your car!”
Maybe I will do that. If it’s a nice day tomorrow I just may do it.

It is one o’clock in the morning and Howard Edelstein should be on his flight to Mexico. I am glad I called him this afternoon to wish him a ‘Bon Voyage’. It’s amazing to me when I realize that I shall arrive in Guadalajara, Mexico myself on March 20th. That’s only eight days away to be exact.

In a good and sincere way I am somewhat glad that Howard has left because I feel I’ve spent a little bit too much tie with him. He is a great friend but I know that would eventually have to be the extent of it. There’s no REAL FUTURE in our so-called relationship except friendship. At this point I know I do care for the fellow. I often think of him. I just feel he needs to be less stubborn and obnoxious. He needs more sweet and sensitive characteristics. I am hopefully teaching him a few things. I believe he does appreciate me very much.

Saturday
March 12, 1983

Since the heavy rain spoiled my plans for bike riding and washing my car I chose to read PASSIONS OF THE MIND. I also slept.

I did do one productive thing by going to H&R BLOCK. I’m so happy that I won’t be paying more than five-hundred dollars in taxes.
PHOTO:  Actress Meg Bennett
After watching SOLID GOLD on television I was in the mood for dancing. I arranged it so that Geneva Wong and I would go and check out the newly remodeled BLACK ANGUS in San Lorenzo. It was an okay visit. We had dinner there together and worked off the meal with a lot of dancing. I also danced with a girl named Renee who sort of looked like Julie Newman from THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS who is played by actress Meg Bennett. I also saw Carol (Helen’s friend) and Rosemary. I’ve danced with both of them before but didn’t get a chance to dance with them tonight. And so…despite the heavy rains I did get a bit of exercise from the dancing. I also took care of that Income Tax ‘crap’ and spent time reading my great book: PASSIONS OF THE MIND.

I wonder how Howard is doing in Mexico. I also wonder how he would like the BLACK ANGUS dancing atmosphere.

“All I need is a bit of luck.”
-Harry Potter
HARRY POTTER and THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE, 2009 motion-picture

The Interaction Between Two Urges

A person becomes neurotic because he cannot tolerate the amount of frustration which society imposes on him…and it was inferred from this that the reduction of those demands would result in a return to possibilities of happiness.
-Sigmund Freud
CIVILIZATION AND ITS DISCONTENTS

Twenty-five years ago today:

July 3, 1987
Friday

I drove in to The City today. There aren’t a lot of people working today because of the 4th of July holiday weekend, so I figured the drive would be easy. It was easy. The traffic was perfectly light.

The last couple of days Freddie and I ate at the PLAZA DELI. I love their bacon-avocado sandwich.

It looks like a nice weekend is coming. It’s time to check out the company cafeteria ‘breakfast special’.

I will be in Honolulu tomorrow.

NOTE:   This was my last ‘consecutive’ entry in my journal. I have one coming for July 12, July 19, July 23 and August 3 as I transition to a weekly entry.


Please be prepared for a “firecracker” of a 4th of July BLOG tomorrow as I will begin with THE BEGINNINGS – Part I.  This will be a very lengthy BLOG that will include Journal Entries from December 4, 1982 through March 9, 1983.


As some of you may know my very first BLOG entry was titled THE FEARLESS SECRET AGENT and was posted on November 9, 2008.


The first BLOG that included my 'JOURNAL ENTRIES' from ’25 Years Ago’ was posted on December 15, 2008 (which included the December 15, 1983 Journal entry).

If you go to the HOME page of my BLOG you can review all of the past posts via the TIMESLIDE tab.

THE BEGINNING 'JOURNAL ENTRIES' from December 4, 1982 through December 14, 1983 were never included. I will make up for that over the next several days and carry forward to new entries or PHOTOS OF THE DAY which may not necessarily be from ’25 Years Ago’. Enjoy the informative and revealing transition that is forthcoming.
The development of the individual seems to be a product of the interaction between two urges:
The urge towards happiness (egoistic).
And the urge towards union with others in the community.


If more is demanded of a man, a revolt will be produced in him or neurosis, or he will be made unhappy.


Men have gained control over the forces of nature to such an extent that with their help they would have no difficulty in exterminating one another to the last man. They know this, and hence comes a large part of their current unrest, their unhappiness and their mood of anxiety.
-Sigmund Freud
CIVILIZATION AND ITS DISCONTENTS

Taking the Liberty to Screw Things Up

I wondered what on earth she saw in me that could make her want to befriend me, other than a pale reflection of herself, an echo of solitude and loss.

-Carlos Ruiz Zafon
The Shadow of the Wind

Twenty-five years ago today:

July 2, 1987
Thursday

The week has gone by so quickly.

I finished my follow-ups. I did some extra KEY ACCOUNT work for my boss, Steve. I did that yesterday as well as today.

I went home after work and discovered Stacey leaving the house. It’s as if she has it timed to be away whenever I come home. Whatever. I wrote her a note about not letting Tom, the bearded one, smoke in the house ever again. I also wrote instructions on how to use the washing machine. She’s so stupid! She can’t even have the decency to ask me how to use it before taking the liberty to screw things up. She doesn’t really care.  They’re not her things…after all.  I’m no dummy.

Eileen called.
“Dave and I are sort-of serious again.”
I thought and asked myself, “This is no big deal…but why tell me?”
I have ‘latered’ the entire idea of her anyway.
Eileen continued, “Let’s still go out and party sometimes.”
“Sure,” I said, realizing that I really didn’t want to do so.
I plan to phase her out of my current history. She’ll be sorry later. Ha-ha.

I went to mom’s house. Then she came over to my place and helped me straighten-up the house a bit.
Mom said, “That girl doesn’t seem to be very clean.”
“No, she’s not very tidy.”

I called Jeff in Hawaii and reconfirmed my flight number and information for the forthcoming trip.

I also called Chris. He’s going to pick me up at the airport on July 11th (upon my return). I still have so much to do before I leave. I have to pack.

I forfeited the gym tonight. I sorted, washed and folded clothes.

I watched THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS with mom at her house. Some gal seduced one of the characters in the show named Paul. The girl is his wife in real-life.

I went home to my pad at around 9:30PM.
Stacey had said earlier, “I’ll be back from my Dad’s by seven-thirty.”
She wasn’t there. It was just as well. She’ll see my notes tomorrow morning regarding Tom’s smoking in the house and the washing machine. I’m sure she’ll smirk over it.

The program of becoming happy, which the pleasure principle imposes on us cannot be fulfilled; yet we must not---indeed, we cannot—give up our efforts to bring it nearer to fulfillment by some means or other.
-Sigmund Freud
Civilization and its Discontents

I Made It Through

“You’d been living all your life with this secret side, and it never really occurred to you to share it with me.”
-Olen Steinhauer
THE NEAREST EXIT

Twenty-five years ago today:

July 1, 1987
Wednesday

I made it through my routine bicycling adventure and on to the gym this evening.

Jeanette Melcher was at the gym, wearing olive green. It really made her reddish-auburn hair look magnificent.

I saw Mark Geberhart as I left the gym. He was cordial and we exchanged “hello’s”.

I stopped at my mom’s house. To my surprise there were a string of guests that included my brother, Tony, his wife, Helen, my niece, Lauren and Helen’s longtime friend, Lesbia, and her husband and daughter. Lesbia and her family were visiting from Seattle, Washington.

Johnny called me (much to my surprise).
“I’m calling you from my hometown of Porterville. I just wanted to tell you that I really did have a good time.”
“Oh, me too,” I said surprisingly.
“I just want you to know that I spoke to Greg in Chicago and I feel much better, knowing his intentions.”
I knew there was nothing between Greg and I.  I guess he needed to hear it from him. Either way, there’s nothing really between Johnny and I either (except friendship). I know he wishes there was more.

Nikki Bovee’s niece stopped at the office today. She was visiting from San Diego. She actually wrote me a ‘secret admirer’ note. One of the notes was too ‘super cute’ for words. I returned a note to Nikki, asking her to give it to her niece the next day. I left my number and address. I doubt if I’ll hear from her again since she’s so far south (San Diego).

There’s no word from Eileen Grabinsky at all. I don’t really give a hoot anymore. It’s as if she got her Birthday gift last Friday and ‘freebie’ lunch and ‘that’s it’. What a wench! What a user. I don’t feel too good about it. Alas…

My cool MACY’s ring that I purchased in Concord was supposed to be delivered yesterday morning. I have yet to receive it. What gives?

Mom and I watched a movie from 1982 called THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN.  It was a really good flick.   It was a mix of comedy, drama and romance about a group of young teenage friends struggling with sex, drugs, and work.  All is jeopardized by a romantic interest keeps you wondering if the pals will turn into bitter rivals.

Jeff Sombat hadn’t been home for the last few days. I wonder what is going on with him these days.

Carla had a doctor appointment. It was a surprise appointment; whereby, she didn’t return to work at all. It’s not good for her attendance record. I later learned that she was very ill and wouldn’t be in the office for the rest of the week. What’s her problem? I wish she’d share the happenings with me. I wonder if she got fired. Who knows?

Desires, memories, fears, passions form labyrinths in which we lose and find and then lose ourselves again. They are hours when anything is possible, good or bad.
THEBernhard Schlink

Upside Down

Quiet and willing to do whatever anyone else wanted, she was often favorably compared to a shadow.

-David Sedaris
ME TALK PRETTY ONE DAY

Twenty-five years ago today:

June 30, 1987
Tuesday

Carla returned to work after two weeks of suspension.

I had the greatest lunch with Julie Roth. It was wild to realize that I’ve known her since sixth grade. We had a good time. We may meet up after work one night when I return from my trip to Hawaii. She looked good.

Mom, Ashley and I went to NATIONS Burgers after work.

I swung Ashley upside down later in the evening. She was having fun until I accidentally stepped on her hair. Oops. Ouch. We still had a good time. We watched the Daytime EMMY Awards.

I telephoned Rachelle. She hung up on me. Then she called me back.
I had been talking up a storm and she said, “OH! I thought you were Joe Smith.”
How upsetting. Who in the heck is Joe Smith?
“I’m sorry,” Rachelle continued, “Could you call me tomorrow…because you did call rather late again.”
I thought, “Give me a break. Grow up!”

A part of him wondered if he’d made a mistake sidestepping a night of mindless sex, if only because it carried no investment.
-Olen Steinhauer
THE NEAREST EXIT