Josh McDowell's Blog, page 23

The Bad News and Good News About Christmas

This Christmas, there’s good news and there’s bad news!

Hi, I’m Alex McLellan with Josh McDowell Ministry.

Any Christmas that revolves around Santa comes down to this: are you on the nice list, or are you on the naughty list?

If you’ve been good – you qualify for the nice list – and get the reward! If you’ve been bad – you end up on the naughty list and miss out! It’s important for parents to help children understand decisions have consequences – both good and bad, …although without deferring to Santa as the source of moral authority [smile].

But, when it comes to the REAL reason for Christmas, there’s good news and bad news.

First, the bad news.

The Bible says, we’re ALL on the naughty list!

Ouch!

Jesus said, the thoughts we think are enough to know – and show we are broken people living in a broken world. There is an ultimate gift from God – a relationship with Him that lasts forever, but it’s out of reach, since we can never earn or deserve God’s favour.

You don’t see this on too many Christmas cards.

But here’s the good news that turns Christmas upside down, or I should say the right way up.

The Bible says, God loves every person – despite the fact we’re on the naughty list – so much that he was willing to do what was necessary to get us out of trouble.

In the classic Christmas movie, It’s a Wonderful Life a broken man cries out to God when he’s burdened with a debt he can’t repay, until someone else steps in and saves the day.

In the movie, the story makes sense because he was a good man who deserved it.

In the real Christmas story- which is HIStory, God came to save people who didn’t deserve it. Jesus lived among us. He died for us – to pay for everything that ought to separate us from a Holy God. It’s got nothing to do with our goodness, it’s all about God’s grace.

Now that’s a real gift – the kind we don’t deserve and can’t afford.

And that’s why this message is celebrated around the world!

This is a gift you can unwrap this Christmas. How? Ask God to forgive you, trust in Jesus who died for you and believe that He rose again to conquer death, offering you new life that starts today and lasts forever!

Merry Christmas!

Alex

Join Alex here as he discusses how we can navigate through a broken and confusing life with HOPE!

Catch up: The introductory post to the Journey Together series.

The post The Bad News and Good News About Christmas appeared first on Josh.org.

Jesus Died for Me … So Why Do I Still Feel Guilt?

I remember years ago when I tuned into a message by a Christian speaker who was addressing guilt…

He asked the audience a simple question: “How many of you have trouble dealing with your past?” There was a pause. He continued. “You know why? It’s because you don’t believe it’s been dealt with already.” He was referring to the sacrifice that Jesus made to remove all of our guilt and shame.

Sometimes our guilt can run so deep, that this simple truth just doesn’t seem possible. We don’t feel any better. In fact, maybe statements like that make you feel even more guilty because it’s supposed to work.

I have nothing against these simple statements of truth, but in most cases it takes time to heal and to see yourself with a healthy self-image and identity. We must keep this in mind as we feed on a healthy diet of the Gospel message.

It helps to identify that there is a distinction between guilt and shame.

Maybe you have heard this before: Guilt is a feeling that you have done wrong and deserve punishment. Shame is feeling that you are wrong because of the things you have done. These feelings often mix together, though shame tends to be the bigger issue. Josh McDowell Ministry speaker Ben Bennett has written some helpful articles on shame here and here.

Allow me to offer three helpful tips specific to guilt:

1. You don’t need to feel not guilty in order to be not guilty.

The Bible tells us that guilt is a condition objectively true or false for a person, and is directly connected to sin. Those who sin are guilty of death (Romans 6:23). Guilt is not a feeling; it is a verdict. The judge is the one who decides, not you. We may experience feelings, but the reality is based on an objective standard, not our feelings.

The Bible is clear that those who have confessed their sins to Jesus are forgiven of their sins.

This forgiveness is not accomplished by our feelings, emotions, or the degree of our faith. It is because Jesus is “faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Our judge has decided. Still, some people think that they have to feel not guilty in order to be right with God. That’s simply not true.

If you have confessed your sins to God and trust in the saving power of Jesus to remove your sins, you are washed, justified, sanctified, and set free from all of your sin and guilt (1 Corinthians 6:11). It is a bonafide fact of your reality in Christ, despite your feelings. This truth is the first step in finding freedom from feeling guilty.

2. Guilt is an invitation to abide with God who heals us.

Earlier I used a “judge” metaphor. God is the judge who has declared us innocent. This metaphor can be helpful, but it also creates a mental conflict: Nobody hears this and thinks, “Thank heavens! Now I can spend time in a wonderful and intimate relationship with my judge!”

Several months ago, a woman told me that she felt guilty for something she did in the past. She was desperate to get rid of her feelings of guilt. I appreciated her willingness to make things right, but I wondered if her sole motive was her desire to “get God off my back.”

We often think: As long as I don’t have a guilty conscience, I don’t have to worry about God and I can get on with my life.

This is wrong thinking on so many levels, but the idea can easily find life in the subconscious of many Christians. Instead of running to God — the only one who can heal us from guilt — we hide like Adam and Eve. The reality is that our feelings of guilt is a reason to press harder into our relationship with God. He is prepared to receive us in love and to help us along the way. He isn’t afraid of our mess.

3. Forgiveness with God is not the same as forgiveness with another person.

Sometimes we really do need to take steps to make things right. We are already right with God when we confess our sins, but what about our standing with others?

Our feelings of guilt may actually be conviction from the Holy Spirit to make things right. If you feel guilty because of something you did against another person, have you done your part to humble yourself and ask for forgiveness? Even if this person was 97 percent wrong, and you were only 3 percent wrong, God says you are still responsible to seek forgiveness for your part.

God calls us to live at peace with others as much as we are able (Romans 12:18). To seek forgiveness from another person is one of the hardest things you may ever do. But it can also be completely liberating. Even if the relationship is not fixed, you will know that you have done your part, and you can take joy in knowing that your actions have pleased God.

For more on knowing God personally, check out this really good info.

Need prayer? Contact us.

The post Jesus Died for Me … So Why Do I Still Feel Guilt? appeared first on Josh.org.

Living in Freedom from Addiction

“Freedom is not having the ability to do what you want to do, freedom is having the ability to do what you ought to do.” – Josh D. McDowell

In the midst of addiction, our hope for freedom can be clouded by a loss of control, depression, and isolation. From personal experience, the light at the end of the tunnel becomes more and more dim as failure and shame build. While trapped in my addiction to pornography, I thought for years that freedom was unattainable. 

My pride and desire for control lead me to think that I could fix myself. The harsh reality was that I couldn’t. But I sit here today, in this moment, with a new level of health and freedom. How did I finally get here?

Identifying Freedom

First of all, let’s define “freedom,” specific to addiction. About a year and a half ago, when asked to define freedom by a few of the staff here at Josh McDowell Ministry, I thought a moment and replied, “Freedom is not struggling with temptation or sin.”

At the time, I really thought that was the goal I was supposed to be aiming for. It was certainly my personal goal in the first few months of my recovery. But I have come to realize that it’s not the right goal or definition, because it’s completely unrealistic.

Back then I expected that there would be a moment in my recovery where I would experience complete freedom — which would last the rest of my life. I thought freedom meant I would no longer struggle with lust, experience the temptation of sexual sin, or have to deal with the consequences of my sin. Now I understand that complete freedom isn’t possible here on earth, because of our inherent sinful nature. We still sin.

Justification

From my mindset of not struggling, I defined freedom through the lens of justification. Justification is a big theological term that means “to be declared righteous, or to be made right with God.”    

Romans 5:18-19 tells us what Christ did for us: “Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for fall men. For as by the one man’s disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man’s obedience the many will be made righteous.”

When Christ died on the cross, He took our sins upon himself. In His resurrection, He conquered that sin. Because of His gift of grace, we believers are justified, or declared righteous, when we surrender our lives to Him. Christ paid the price that we could never pay; we are fully forgiven, if we choose to accept it.

Sanctification

I think a much better definition of freedom is found in terms of sanctification. To be sanctified is “to be brought into the presence of God and to share in the life of His Son through the Holy Spirit.” That sounds intimidating, so let me break it down.

You and I have been brought into God’s presence by Christ’s death and resurrection on the cross. This is called adoption. With this adoption, we gain the gift of the Holy Spirit working in our lives. The Holy Spirit helps us in many ways, including convicting us and leading us toward repentance. When we repent and turn away from our sin, we become more like Christ. So sanctification is our growth toward a life that imitates Christ; a life of holiness.

In the same way, finding freedom is growth toward health. We find freedom in health. 1 Thessalonians 5:23 says, “Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Full freedom isn’t possible because of our sinful nature, but we can gain health.

If we look at Josh’s definition — that “freedom is having the ability to do what you ought to do” — we get a better grasp of how to view freedom. If we are free to do what we ought to do, we remove the barriers that keep us from doing what we ought to do.

Freedom, or health, looks a lot like being connected to the life of God.

Restoration

Christian counselor Michael Dye created an addiction recovery tool called the FASTER Scale. The scale identifies the stages people move through toward relapse, so they can see it coming and get proactive. The FASTER acronym stands for Forgetting Priorities, Anxiety, Speeding Up, Ticked Off, Exhausted, and Relapse.

The FASTER Scale focuses on restoration (accepting life on God’s terms, with trust, vulnerability, and gratitude). If we live in restoration, we live lives saturated with healthy relationships, vulnerability, intimacy, identifying and dealing with emotions, walking with the Spirit, and working through pain. These aspects create health, which produces freedom.

This freedom is based on connection with God and other people. No matter our state of health, we still experience temptation and sin. But if we are living in restoration and connection, our connectedness provides healthy ways of dealing with them. 

Often, to gain health or freedom, we must go to what hurt us in the first place: people. We learn to cope as people closest to us hurt us. But this woundedness creates isolation and barriers that keep us from living in intimate connection with God and others. To break down those barriers and return to health, we must learn to trust others and experience the intimacy that God intends us to enjoy.

Can we really gain freedom and health? Yes!


Walking in Freedom

I have been finding freedom and health for the past two years. It is unbelievably fulfilling to walk in health, because it is how God created me to experience life. Has it been hard to find health? Yes, but incredibly worth it.

I found health primarily by returning to my identity in Christ. I had to identify the root of the problem — my belief that I was not enough — and to experience my worth in Christ. I have had to process the pain in my past, and experience who I am in Christ through relationships with others. I have learned how to trust others with my fears.

Freedom is found when we live in health. It is characterized by vulnerability, connected relationships, intimacy, walking with the spirit, identifying and dealing with emotions, working through pain, and experiencing our worth in Christ.

Freedom is returning to our identity in Christ. Freedom is being less bound to the sins that entrap us. It is not always constant; it fluctuates day-to-day as we walk with others and navigate our sin-soaked world. We won’t find full freedom from sin here on earth, but we can find freedom from addiction. This is the hope that I and other addicts have, that freedom and health are possible. Here. Now. 

Christ came to redeem, and we cannot forget that. No matter the struggle, we have worth in and to Christ. Your road to health may be hard, but take my word for it: your experiencing intimacy with the Lord and others, and being who you were created to be, will satisfy your soul. It has mine.

That is God’s design.

That is freedom.

Interested in a list of ministries that help people to overcome porn? Click here.

Want to learn more?

Need a Josh McDowell Ministry speaker at your church? Ben Bennett speaks on living free.

Want research? Josh has compiled decades of research here: The Porn Epidemic.

For highlights of the Set Free Conference, click here.

 

The post Living in Freedom from Addiction appeared first on Josh.org.

Living in Freedom from Addiction

“Freedom is not having the ability to do what you want to do, freedom is having the ability to do what you ought to do.” – Josh D. McDowell

In the midst of addiction, our hope for freedom can be clouded by a loss of control, depression, and isolation. From personal experience, the light at the end of the tunnel becomes more and more dim as failure and shame build. While trapped in my addiction to pornography, I thought for years that freedom was unattainable. 

My pride and desire for control lead me to think that I could fix myself. The harsh reality was that I couldn’t. But I sit here today, in this moment, with a new level of health and freedom. How did I finally get here?

Identifying Freedom

First of all, let’s define “freedom,” specific to addiction. About a year and a half ago, when asked to define freedom by a few of the staff here at Josh McDowell Ministry, I thought a moment and replied, “Freedom is not struggling with temptation or sin.”

At the time, I really thought that was the goal I was supposed to be aiming for. It was certainly my personal goal in the first few months of my recovery. But I have come to realize that it’s not the right goal or definition, because it’s completely unrealistic.

Back then I expected that there would be a moment in my recovery where I would experience complete freedom — which would last the rest of my life. I thought freedom meant I would no longer struggle with lust, experience the temptation of sexual sin, or have to deal with the consequences of my sin. Now I understand that complete freedom isn’t possible here on earth, because of our inherent sinful nature. We still sin.

Justification

From my mindset of not struggling, I defined freedom through the lens of justification. Justification is a big theological term that means “to be declared righteous, or to be made right with God.”    

Romans 5:18-19 tells us what Christ did for us: “Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for fall men. For as by the one man’s disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man’s obedience the many will be made righteous.”

When Christ died on the cross, He took our sins upon himself. In His resurrection, He conquered that sin. Because of His gift of grace, we believers are justified, or declared righteous, when we surrender our lives to Him. Christ paid the price that we could never pay; we are fully forgiven, if we choose to accept it.

Sanctification

I think a much better definition of freedom is found in terms of sanctification. To be sanctified is “to be brought into the presence of God and to share in the life of His Son through the Holy Spirit.” That sounds intimidating, so let me break it down.

You and I have been brought into God’s presence by Christ’s death and resurrection on the cross. This is called adoption. With this adoption, we gain the gift of the Holy Spirit working in our lives. The Holy Spirit helps us in many ways, including convicting us and leading us toward repentance. When we repent and turn away from our sin, we become more like Christ. So sanctification is our growth toward a life that imitates Christ; a life of holiness.

In the same way, finding freedom is growth toward health. We find freedom in health. 1 Thessalonians 5:23 says, “Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Full freedom isn’t possible because of our sinful nature, but we can gain health.

If we look at Josh’s definition — that “freedom is having the ability to do what you ought to do” — we get a better grasp of how to view freedom. If we are free to do what we ought to do, we remove the barriers that keep us from doing what we ought to do.

Freedom, or health, looks a lot like being connected to the life of God.

Restoration

Christian counselor Michael Dye created an addiction recovery tool called the FASTER Scale. The scale identifies the stages people move through toward relapse, so they can see it coming and get proactive. The FASTER acronym stands for Forgetting Priorities, Anxiety, Speeding Up, Ticked Off, Exhausted, and Relapse.

The FASTER Scale focuses on restoration (accepting life on God’s terms, with trust, vulnerability, and gratitude). If we live in restoration, we live lives saturated with healthy relationships, vulnerability, intimacy, identifying and dealing with emotions, walking with the Spirit, and working through pain. These aspects create health, which produces freedom.

This freedom is based on connection with God and other people. No matter our state of health, we still experience temptation and sin. But if we are living in restoration and connection, our connectedness provides healthy ways of dealing with them. 

Often, to gain health or freedom, we must go to what hurt us in the first place: people. We learn to cope as people closest to us hurt us. But this woundedness creates isolation and barriers that keep us from living in intimate connection with God and others. To break down those barriers and return to health, we must learn to trust others and experience the intimacy that God intends us to enjoy.

Can we really gain freedom and health? Yes!


Walking in Freedom

I have been finding freedom and health for the past two years. It is unbelievably fulfilling to walk in health, because it is how God created me to experience life. Has it been hard to find health? Yes, but incredibly worth it.

I found health primarily by returning to my identity in Christ. I had to identify the root of the problem — my belief that I was not enough — and to experience my worth in Christ. I have had to process the pain in my past, and experience who I am in Christ through relationships with others. I have learned how to trust others with my fears.

Freedom is found when we live in health. It is characterized by vulnerability, connected relationships, intimacy, walking with the spirit, identifying and dealing with emotions, working through pain, and experiencing our worth in Christ.

Freedom is returning to our identity in Christ. Freedom is being less bound to the sins that entrap us. It is not always constant; it fluctuates day-to-day as we walk with others and navigate our sin-soaked world. We won’t find full freedom from sin here on earth, but we can find freedom from addiction. This is the hope that I and other addicts have, that freedom and health are possible. Here. Now. 

Christ came to redeem, and we cannot forget that. No matter the struggle, we have worth in and to Christ. Your road to health may be hard, but take my word for it: your experiencing intimacy with the Lord and others, and being who you were created to be, will satisfy your soul. It has mine.

That is God’s design.

That is freedom.

The post Living in Freedom from Addiction appeared first on Josh.org.

The Porn Epidemic: Problem, Consequence, and Hope

I love hearing the highlights of people’s lives, vacations, weekends, or even workdays. They are insights into people’s unique passions, joys, and personalities. In my two years traveling with Josh McDowell as his assistant, I experienced quite a few highlights. But one event, in particular, still stands out to me: the Set Free Conference. There is an epidemic in the church today, and it all revolves around pornography.

Set Free, an initiative launched by Josh to educate, start conversation, and de-shame porn addiction, focused on a few major themes: What is pornography? What are its associated problems, consequences, and solutions? A global initiative, Set Free Conferences have been held in the U.S., Mexico, Argentina, Uruguay, and Singapore; attendees have heard from top speakers such as Dr. Donald Hilton, Jessica Harris, Ben Bennett, and Josh McDowell. 

Why was Set Free the highlight of this two-year period? Because of the needed global conversation about the pornography epidemic — but also because of the response from attendees. 

There is nothing like watching this information literally change lives. I’ve watched empowered pastors share excitement and become eager to teach what they’ve learned. I’ve seen moms and dads finally be able to understand their child’s struggle with porn. I’ve seen community leaders get fired up about starting recovery groups. And I’ve seen wounded, broken, humble people openly confess, through pouring tears, the porn addictions that have torn their lives apart.

The first two sections of the Set Free Conference were hard-hitters: the problem of porn, and its consequences. As attendees heard the mind-boggling stats and gut-wrenching repercussions, they were glued to the edge of their seats. As they learned that porn is the number one problem in the Church — globally — their reactions ranged from shock and anger to utter despair. 

When we find the courage to talk about that which we deem to be dirty and uncomfortable, shame can be broken, movements can be started, and people can take the initial steps towards freedom.

The Problem of Porn

Our culture is so sexually saturated that porn is now included in top-selling books, advertising, and social media. We don’t even realize how many pornographic images we are exposed to daily, without our even trying to see them.

Christians are just as tempted as non-believers to view porn, which is why pastor Charles R. Swindoll has called pornography the greatest cancer in the history of the Church. As Josh adds, “It’s available, accessible, affordable, anonymous, appealing, aggressive, and addictive.” Porn is affecting the majority of families in every church around the globe. This epidemic is destroying families; it’s now the root cause of 56 percent of divorces.

So what is pornography? A general description is that it’s “that which is designed to arouse or sexually excite.” Porn is not juvenile and harmless, like too many people generally think. It is hardcore, graphic, and disgusting.

Porn addiction is biological, relational, and spiritual. Solutions must address each aspect for us to gain freedom.

Why is it an epidemic? I’ll share my personal experience. As I told readers in my last post, I have battled an addiction to porn that started well before my teens. I know how porn addiction distorts every part of a person’s life. I know the tangible consequences of the degradation of human life. I know the misery of living an isolated and disconnected life, and the hopelessness of addiction.

Mind-Boggling Stats

The reach of the porn industry is mind-boggling. One study found that porn sites receive more regular traffic than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter combined each month. Porn now accounts for a third of all Internet traffic! More than 91 percent of men and 60 percent of women have reported consuming pornography in the past month.

But a lot of those viewers are young people, who got exposed to porn as early as eight years old! It’s just too easy to stumble on it on both cell phones and computers. In sharing my own story of woundedness, addiction, and journey toward freedom at the Set Free Conference, I’ve seen just how many young males — and increasingly young females — are struggling with addiction to porn. 

This breaks Josh’s heart; this crippling addiction is not what God intends for us. Josh has spent the past decade researching the problem, consequences, and solutions to pornography. Here are just a few startling statistics:

~ 79 percent of men and 76 percent of women, ages 18-30, view pornography at least once a month.

~ 64 percent of young people, ages 13-24, actively seek out pornography.

~ 57 percent of pastors admit they struggle with porn.

~ 60-72 percent of men and 24-30 percent of women in the Church are sex addicts. 

What these stats show is that our society has normalized porn. Research shows that teens and young adults consider failing to recycle more immoral than viewing pornography!  

The Consequences of Porn

There’s a reason that sexual immorality is talked about so frequently in the Bible. 1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” 

The consequences that pornography yields dismantle a person’s biological, spiritual, and relational self. Biologically, it rewires our brains, creating a lack of control, chemical dependency, and desensitization. Spiritually, it disconnects us from God. Isaiah 59:2 states that our iniquities have caused separation between us and God; that our sins have hidden His face from us. Viewing pornography is rooted in our lust and sexual immorality; it is adultery. It is sin, plain and simple. 

In Ephesians 4:17-19, we can read that giving ourselves over to sensuality cuts us off from the life of God. Relationally, pornography causes guilt, shame, and isolation. When we isolate, we cut ourselves off from one of God’s greatest gifts, our brothers and sisters in Christ. One of the consequences of the epidemic of pornography is that it leads to a skewed perspective of how to treat others. 

Pornography causes the belief that:

~ It’s okay to use, abuse, or mistreat others for self-gratification.

~ It’s okay to view and participate in the use, mistreatment, or abuse of a person.

~ People can treat others with indifference.

~ Pleasure guides principle, meaning sexual passion trumps moral objectives.

Pornography creates:

~ A demonstrated lack of empathy toward others.

~ Decreased interest in and/or declining performance in school and extracurricular activities.

~ Sexual aggression, incest, and age-inappropriate relationships.

~ Concentration problems, low motivation, depression, social anxiety, negative self-perceptions, and erectile dysfunction.

Sexual abuse is always a hot topic in the media. But it’s interesting to note how infrequently porn  is cited as the source motivating that abuse. Check out the Porn Epidemic’s chapter on sexual harassment to learn more about sexual abuse and its tie to pornography.

Hope

Coming face-to-face with the reality of our sin should lead us not into isolation, but to the feet of our Heavenly Father. The weight of our sin is heavy, too heavy to bear alone. It is so easy to be caught up in the magnitude of this epidemic and lose hope. I have done so many times.

But the truth is, there is hope. 1 Peter 2:24 offers us good news: “He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.” 

It is easy to become discouraged in the shadow of a giant, but we can’t forget that we know the end of the story. Christ, the Son of God, took the form of a man to take our sins upon Himself. He died, but triumphantly rose to reunite us with our Heavenly Father. He offers us forgiveness and healing, if we are willing to place our trust and faith in Him. With His help, we can conquer any sin.

Hope motivated all the Set Free attendees who confessed their addiction for the first time. And there is hope in the midst of your child’s addition, your personal addiction, or those of your friends. 

Porn is currently an epidemic. But no problem is bigger than God. I have hope in the power of His healing the world. Because I’ve witnessed it and experienced it. Have hope!

Want to learn more?

Need a Josh McDowell Ministry speaker at your church? Ben Bennett speaks on living free.

Want research? Josh has compiled decades of research here: The Porn Epidemic.

Interested in a list of ministries that help people to overcome porn? Click here.

For highlights of the Set Free Conference, click here.

 

The post The Porn Epidemic: Problem, Consequence, and Hope appeared first on Josh.org.

Wounds, Shame, and Isolation: My Story

For two years I traveled with Josh McDowell, helping to wake people up to the fact that pornography has become an epidemic in America — despite the fact that few seem to recognize the problem. But I know first-hand the devastation it causes, and how easy it is to become addicted and enslaved by shame. Here’s a bit of my story.

I remember the moment like it was yesterday. I walked into the room at our youth group’s winter camp, only to be greeted by the tears of a good friend. It was sixth grade and I was 12 years old. He blurted, “I need to tell you something.” Before I knew it, he was spilling out a story all too familiar to my own: his deep struggle with pornography. I sat, shocked, as guilt and an enormous conviction flooded my soul. 

I was first exposed to porn at just nine years old, but curiosity led me to seek it out when I was eleven. That unwise decision birthed an 11-year addiction that devastated that period of my life. For almost a decade, pornography became my source of intimacy, gratification, and acceptance.

When I was lonely, porn was my comfort.
When I felt like a failure, porn gratified.
When I felt like I was worthless, porn gave me a sense of worth.

My desire to be fully known and loved began to be satisfied by this counterfeit source. Porn was an escape into a pleasure-soaked world. I soon became emotionally withdrawn from family and friends, as shame and isolation grew within me.
Hiding My Shame

At church I was the pastor’s son; I looked like I had it all together. I learned all the right answers and how to perform for others’ acceptance. Opportunities arose for me to lead worship, small groups in my youth group, and even speak. Mentors and friends encouraged and complimented me, but their uplifting words filtered through my shame, diving me deeper into desolation.

I lied, ran, and hid in moments of vulnerability. Honestly, my life looked good, but the unrest of my double life tore me apart. 

I heard at church and Christian seminars that if I confessed my sin to Jesus, and developed accountability with the boys around me, I would find freedom from my addiction. I tried this for years, confessing my sins over and over again with accountability that failed. This traumatizing cycle of guilt, confession, short periods of change, and relapse continued throughout my addiction.

As I repeatedly failed, the guilt of my failure moved to shame when I viewed myself as the failure. 

Rock bottom was a rude awakening in my junior year of college. I had lost hope and was deeply depressed. Failure, worthlessness, and shame consumed my thoughts as I tried to keep my act together. On the morning of March 28, 2017, I finally reached out to the two people that I knew loved and cared about me more than anyone else, my parents.

I called home and confessed.  And in that moment I experienced pure grace.

Seeking Freedom

My parents spoke worth into who I was as a child of God — and as their son. That morning launched my process of finding health: cutting the supply of pornography, true repentance, true accountability, and counseling.

Finding healing has been one of the hardest journeys of my life. I struggle to use the term “freedom” because I struggle to believe that we can find true freedom from sin here on earth. That full freedom is what we look forward to when we are reunited with our Creator.

But I can say that I have found a new level of health. This level of health consists of a life of no secrets, intimacy with God, processing emotions, and reaching out in relationships. Do I still watch porn? No. But am I truly free? No. Because porn is not just a problem, it is a medication for an underlying problem.

When I was lonely, porn was my comfort. When I felt like a failure, porn gratified. When I felt like I was not enough, porn gave me a sense of worth.

We all medicate with something when we have desires that go unmet. Instead of healthily going to God and the people around me to be loved and known, fear drove me to a counterfeit. Through counseling, I realized that I was not just dealing with an addiction to pornography, but wounds of my past. Porn addicts are not perverts; they are hurting and looking for love, acceptance, and gratification in the wrong place. As my friend Ben Bennett says, “Unmet desires lead to unwanted behaviors.”

Leaning on Christ

There is much pain in my story. But that pain is nothing compared to the deep love of Christ. I can sit here today with the strong conviction that I am a beloved child of God, with immense worth to my Creator. That is cause to celebrate! Nothing compares to my intimacy with the Lord and the people around me. I hold strong to these two verses that my parents shared with me the morning I confessed my addiction:

John 16:33: “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”  

Romans 8:1: “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” 

Pornography is wrecking our nation, our churches, our families, and us as individuals. It is undermining the very groundwork God put in place for people to relate in healthy intimacy. The global stats of this struggle are overwhelming, but there is hope, starting with the Church choosing to deal with this struggle directly.

As the Church, the bride of Christ, let’s start talking. Let’s normalize the topic of sexual addiction, which has been taboo for too long in the Church. Until we are willing to talk about this openly and compassionately, porn addicts like myself will continue to hide in their shame. I ask you: Is it the purpose of the Church to condemn — or to help lead captives to freedom?

I believe Jesus came to show us that it’s the latter.

For more on my story, check out the Long Story Short podcast, where my good friend Alex and I discuss the shame, medication, and breakdown of solutions to pornography.

The post Wounds, Shame, and Isolation: My Story appeared first on Josh.org.

To Live Right, Shine the Light on Scripture

Welcome! Thanks for joining us for this, our latest post in our year-long blog series we’re calling “Journey Together.” In this post we look at how we can shine the light on Scripture to counter claims that the Good News is “old news” that lacks modern relevance.

“The Bible is old-fashioned! Times have changed!”

Have you heard people express the view that Christians are out-of-date and out-of-step with the real world? That the Bible is just a dusty old book of fables? Instead of letting these claims close us down, let’s use them to start a conversation. As people hand us the opportunity, let us not hesitate to shine the light on the truth of Scripture.

If you’re familiar with the term Apologetics, you know that the word means “sharing what you believe, and why you believe it’s true.” Every Christian needs to know what the Bible says — and why it’s true. Every Christian needs to consistently read the Bible for themselves to gain first-hand knowledge of how God wants us to live, and why. God’s boundaries aren’t designed to keep us from having fun, but to protect us from unnecessary pain and drama.

Shine the Light on Scripture

When we shine the light on Scripture, it’s not you and I who have to carry the burden of proof — it’s God. Scholars continue to uncover “an avalanche,” as Josh puts it, of historical evidence. For more than 50 years, Josh McDowell has focused on teaching and publishing resources that educate Christians on this factual evidence that validates biblical dates and events — and, thus, the teachings of Jesus.

Because they have proven trustworthy, we can also have full confidence that God IS who He says. We don’t have to just “take it on faith.” Josh learned this truth first-hand, when he moved from skeptic to unwavering believer after his intensive research failed to disprove Jesus and Christianity. Josh shared that evidence in his Apologetics classic, Evidence That Demands A Verdict, which he and his son, Sean McDowell, recently expanded.

To watch FREE, short videos of Josh answering basic Apologetics questions such as “Is there such a thing as truth?” and “Is the Bible historically accurate?” scroll to the bottom of this page. You will gain knowledge and confidence to answer skeptics when they ask the same of you. Shine the light on Scripture and watch God show up!

Apologetics: Classical, Relational & Moral Emphasis

Josh McDowell Ministry now focuses on three aspects of Apologetics: classical, relational, and moral. Classical is the authentic historical evidence that validates the Bible. Why add relational?

Josh realized that relationship is critical to our sharing the Good News. Others don’t care what we know, until they first know we care. And they certainly won’t listen if we’re not walking our talk. But Josh also realized that how we view God plays a critical role in how we view ourselves and our purpose in the world. Why add moral?

In his research, Josh has discovered that the number one barrier keeping our young people from trusting God and the Scriptures is their view of morality. Our society presents a model of morality that mocks God’s standard as old-fashioned and limiting. Society encourages us to move outside of God’s healthy boundaries, while it glosses over the possible destructive consequences, such as sexually transmitted diseases.

But even if we do find ourselves suffering these consequences, we find God ever-ready to pick us up to help us live our best life possible! How do we know this truth? By shining the light on Scripture and what its says about God’s love and grace for us.

Influence Youth to Choose God’s Standard

My husband, Alex, and I have three children. It’s been a privilege for us to have conversations with our kids about sex and morality, showing them the beautiful design of the Designer, and explaining why biblical standards have been set in place for their good and flourishing. God doesn’t want to see us used and abused! It breaks His heart.

Unfortunately, we grow up experiencing the brokenness of this world, because it’s all around us. But we can decide to walk in the freedom that comes from knowing and living in the light of Truth. We can discover that only God fully satisfies. Compared to His perfect love, the world’s promises are outed as cheap, momentary thrills that disappoint. That internal “God ache” never goes away because we don’t turn to Him to fill it.

Alex often speaks to huge crowds about their need for Jesus. But you and I can do the same within our small, intimate circles of influence, starting with our children. Our culture follows the tide of public opinion, but we can keep our young people from sinking. As parents, we can use apologetics materials to help anchor the hearts, minds, and souls of our children, so they choose the stability that flows only from the Word of God.

Parents, start the conversation and keep it going. Be ready to show your kids that Christianity has deep and vibrant roots. God is on the move! Take every advantage, in everyday situations and in everyday conversations, to guide your family to the Truth. 

To live right, we must shine the light on Scripture.

***Click here to watch Josh’s FREE Apologetics videos.

In our next blog post, let’s look at the epidemic sweeping our nation, both inside and outside of the church: porn addiction.

Catch up: The introductory post to this series.

The post To Live Right, Shine the Light on Scripture appeared first on Josh.org.

Bare Facts: Talking About Sex

Welcome! Thanks for joining us for this, our latest post in our year-long blog series we’re calling “Journey Together.” In this post we dive further into talking about sex with your kids. Specifically, God’s beautiful design for it.

“Love and sex — don’t they mean the same thing?”

We live in an age of information overload. Yet there’s so much misinformation about love, sex, and relationships. For many people, love and sex mean DO the same thing. But in last week’s post we talked about how they actually differ, especially to God. So much of the confusion stems from people having a desire for love — but not understanding what real love looks like.

Young people desperately need to hear and hold a positive, biblical worldview about God’s design for sex. Without this foundation in place, it’s no surprise to see so many end up broken, facing all kinds of challenges in their lives and relationships.

When we are talking about sex with our youth, we need to help them see that it’s a sacred act, not a casual one. Yet society pushes sexual exploration and immorality on our kids, encouraging them to embrace a cheapened morality. Parents, we don’t have to feel helpless about this influence. We can fight back by taking an active role in guiding our kids to understand God’s beautiful design for sex. We can help our kids to know and stand on the truth so they enjoy their best life.

Helpful Parenting Resource

Trust me, even when our kids act like they’re grossed out that we’re talking about sex, they are listening. Especially when we approach them with respect. They want to know what we think. Kids love to hear real stories of how we’ve gained our wisdom!

One resource that has equipped me and my husband, Alex, to have these conversations with our kids is Josh McDowell’s book, The Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex. Josh wrote the book because he believes knowledge, not ignorance, is the key to youthful purity. Using entertaining anecdotes, real stories, and biblical insights, Bare Facts delivers frank and biblical answers to top questions our kids are asking about sex, love, and relationships.

I read the book first, to prepare myself for talking with my teenagers. And then I gave them the book to them to read for themselves, to put us on the same page, literally. You can read some sample pages of Bare Facts by clicking here. You can order the book alone or as a book/DVD set, for use in small groups.

Love and sex are not the same thing, though that’s the message our kids see in entertainment and the media. In talking about sex with our kids, we guide them in  valuing the role God intends for sex. And we help them to hold fast to His standard, despite the siren call of our increasingly sexualized society. Our kids can’t know the truth, if we leave it to society to instruct them.

Using The Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex, you can talk to your kids about:







Whether sexting and oral sex are big deals. 
How to deal with their hormones, emotions, and sexual attraction.
Choosing to not view porn, to skip its addictive grip.
Why waiting to have sex until marriage has some really big perks.
God’s amazing grace and forgiveness if they’ve already had sex.





As parents, we need to be ready to have important conversations with our kids. We need to make sure they feel free to ask questions and are prepared to make good choices. We need to make sure they aren’t doing life from shame or fear, but living in the light of God’s truth.

⇒ ⇒ Click here to see all of Josh’s parenting videos

In our next blog post, let’s look at using the Bible as our guide for everyday life, even in the area of sex.

Catch up: The introductory post to this series.

The post Bare Facts: Talking About Sex appeared first on Josh.org.

Straight Talk With Your Kids About Sex

Welcome! Thanks for joining us for this, our latest post in our year-long blog series we’re calling “Journey Together.” In this post we’ll dive into a subject that makes a lot of parents uncomfortable: talking about sex.

The reality: if we don’t teach our kids about sex, someone else will.

I remember hearing Josh and his wife, Dottie, make this challenge to parents, and it hit home. My husband, Alex, and I have three kids: two daughters and a son. I’m part of the generation that needs to build a bridge from “never talk about sex at home,” to “make talking about sex a priority.” Because if we don’t teach our own kids about sex, as Josh says, someone else will. Do we really want to remove ourself from being a positive influence?

I remember the first time I really talked with my girls about sex. They were about nine and eleven years old — and I realized I was already playing catch-up. I was a bit nervous at first, but Josh’s book, Straight Talk With Your Kids About Sex, really helped guide the conversation. Surprisingly, it was a lot of fun, and we’ve kept the conversation going. 

As parents, we need to be ready for the right moments, raising our kids to feel confident and secure: free to ask questions, prepared to make good choices, and not based in shame or fear but living in light of God’s truth.

In Straight Talk With Your Kids About Sex, Josh reminds us to:

Be age-appropriate with our kids. 
Not share too much too soon (although the problem is normally too little too late).
Be a listening parent with Godly values.
Keep an open conversation going with our children.

⇒ Read samples pages here!

⇒ Click here to watch Josh’s free parenting videos!

“Between the pervasiveness of sex on the internet and all the entertainment media available to young people today, we dare not ignore the devastating impact on our kids. We owe our children relevant answers as to why God’s plan for relationships and sex protects and provides for their future.” ~ Josh McDowell

Parents, start the conversation and keep it going! Be ready, in everyday situations and everyday conversations, to help guide and protect your kids.

In our next blog post, let’s look further at God’s purpose for sex. 

Catch up: The introductory post to this series.

The post Straight Talk With Your Kids About Sex appeared first on Josh.org.

Josh McDowell: My 3-Pillar Approach to Apologetics

Welcome! Thanks for joining us for this, our latest post in our year-long blog series we’re calling “Journey Together.” In this post Josh explains his 3-pillar approach to Apologetics.

 

Click video to watch.

Many people ask me, “Josh, you’re an apologist. So why do you talk about sex and pornography?”

Here’s why: I believe the rapid decline of our society demands it. I am, indeed, a classical apologist. But I must now focus on relational and moral apologetics as well, if I am to fully share God’s truth. Let me explain these three pillars further:

Classical Apologetics

As an evidential apologist I share evidence that confirms the truthfulness of the Bible. The term “apologist” actually means “to set forth positive reasons why you believe.” I believe, with all that I am, that Jesus is who He says He is, because God’s Word can be trusted. Though I started out a disbelieving skeptic, it has been God’s call on my life, for the last 50 years, to share the evidence that supports both of these claims!

But here’s the problem: I recognized, years ago, that when we try to present truth outside of the context of relationships, it’s so often rejected. So I can’t just be focused on the evidence itself, but on whether people are in productive relationships — an established foundation of trust, openness, and acceptance — to have productive conversations about God.

Relational Apologetics

Here’s the phrase I created to express this: Truth without relationships leads to rejection. So I want to help people to build good relationships with each other. I especially want parents to have these relationships of trust with their kids, so our youth won’t disregard God’s truths. I call this relational apologetics.

Moral Apologetics

I also discovered that the number one barrier that keeps a young person from trusting Christ, God, or the Scriptures is morality. That’s why I launched the “Why Wait” campaign years ago. Today,  the greatest barrier to a person coming to Christ is pervasive internet pornography, which has become a huge societal problem — even inside the Church. We must address porn addiction head-on, if Christianity is to maintain a positive influence in society.

So, I hope you now understand why these three pillars are our current focus here at Josh McDowell Ministry. My team and I thank you so much for your support, both your prayers and your financial gifts, to keep our efforts going!

Josh

In our next blog post, we look at topic many parents would rather skip: talking to their kids about sex.

Catch up: The introductory post to this series.

The post Josh McDowell: My 3-Pillar Approach to Apologetics appeared first on Josh.org.