Josh McDowell's Blog, page 22
February 23, 2020
Happy, Loving People
Happy, loving people are people who share the most love.
“Make every effort to apply the benefits of these promises to your life.” 2 Peter 1:5
Bridging the Gap blog #hurthealedwhole
For 50+ years, Josh McDowell Ministry has been leading seekers into a deeper knowledge of God’s truth and power. We offer you our accumulated knowledge and research to help you find truth and encouragement to live a healthy and whole life in Christ.
Happy, Loving People?
Would any of these famous, powerful, and wealthy people make the list of the happiest people in the history of the world?
Adolph Hitler
Joseph Stalin
Queen Jezebel
Nero
Not quite. And for one very good reason: Their lives were characterized by hate, and a hateful person is never a happy person. Think about it. The happiest people you know are those who love other people. That’s the way it works.
God commands us to love one another because He knows that hate diminishes our ability to love, and love expands it. He knows that people who act in love experience love twice: once when they give it away, and again when they receive it back. He knows that happy, loving people radiate love, which brings His light and joy to the world.
When we choose to obey God, and focus on reflecting His love to others, He blesses us with joy and happiness. God is always pleased when we focus on loving others.
REFLECT: Who are the happiest people you know? Are their lives characterized by hate or love?
ACT: Do something loving for a friend or family member, and note how it makes you feel.
PRAY: “Your love for me, God, makes me happy. And sharing Your love with others makes me happy because it pleases You. Help me to grow in my ability to selflessly love others. Help people to see Your reflection in me, so that I can tell them about Your love.”
NEXT STEPS:
Join us in our February Bridging the Gap posts as we explore the topic of love.
Do we really know what “love” is, and how to show it?
Catch up on our Journey Together posts. Experience God in a deeper way!
Learn how to begin a personal relationship with God. Start here .
Adapted from, Love Can Make You Happy , February 14, One-Year Book of Josh McDowell’s Youth Devotions . © 1996, 2003, 2019 Josh McDowell Ministry. All rights reserved. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission.
The post Happy, Loving People appeared first on Josh.org.
Display God’s Love
God makes it clear that we are to display God’s love, even to those who are mean and hateful to us.
You have heard that the law of Moses says, “Love your neighbor” and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:43-45
Bridging the Gap blog #hurthealedwhole
For 50+ years, Josh McDowell Ministry has been leading seekers into a deeper knowledge of God’s truth and power. We offer you our accumulated knowledge and research to help you find truth and encouragement to live a healthy and whole life in Christ.
Display God’s Love
The following story is a variation on a tale that has been told by Jewish rabbis for centuries.
Raybann and Soloplex, two of heaven’s angels, exchanged high fives and peered together at the scene below them. The Israelites stood, high and dry, on the banks of the Red Sea. They had just crossed to freedom and safety as the two mighty angels, under instructions from God, had rolled back the waters of the sea. Once God’s chosen people had safely reached the opposite shore, the angels released the water and the entire pursuing Egyptian army had drowned, along with their horses.
Upon returning to heaven to make their report, the angels found God’s face dimmed.
“Is the Holy One not pleased with our success?” Raybann asked, bowing low before God’s throne.
“You rejoiced at the death of the Egyptians,” God replied. It was not a question.
“Your people are delivered, and their enemies are dashed to pieces,” Soloplex added.
God looked at His two messengers, and the sorrow in His expression turned their white robes to gray. “The work of my hands is sunk in the sea,” He thundered, “and you rejoiced!”
Although Pharaoh and his armies sought to enslave—even destroy—God’s chosen people, yet God loved them, just as He loves all His creation.
REFLECT: Have you ever rejoiced at the fall of an enemy? Do you think Jesus’ command to “love your enemies” means that you have the right to feel happy when they fall? Or should you mourn, as God does? God asks us to showcase His love, even to those who are mean and hateful to us.
PRAY: “God, thank you for your love and for reminding me that love is always right. Help me especially to love_______________________ today, and to see them as You do. Help me to love them like You do.”
NEXT STEPS:
Join us in our February Bridging the Gap posts as we explore the topic of love.
Do we really know what “love” is, and how to show it?
Enjoy this daily devotion? Sign up today to start getting it in your inbox.
Learn how to begin a personal relationship with God, so that you learn about His love for you (and that person you can’t stand). Start here .
Adapted from One-Year Book of Josh McDowell’s Youth Devotions , February 11. © 1996, 2003, 2019 Josh McDowell Ministry. All rights reserved. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission.
The post Display God’s Love appeared first on Josh.org.
February 20, 2020
Why Believe in God if I Can’t Feel, Hear, or See Him?
We believe in many things that can’t be felt, seen, or heard. Consider the following. We believe in:
Scientific theories, such as the Theory of Relativity.
Certain things about the future, including that the sun will rise tomorrow.
Certain things about the past, including that George Washington was our first president.
Mathematical proofs, such as 2+2=4.
Moral standards, including that racism is hurtful.
We believe in them because we recognize that not all knowledge comes from the senses. To add another item particularly relevant to God, we even believe in the existence of certain things we can’t sense, such as quarks or dark matter.
Sometimes we believe in things because of logic or intuition. Sometimes because the evidence makes it likely or necessary. And sometimes because we trust the source or person speaking about them.
We can believe in God for similar reasons:
God makes sense out of the origin of our universe (the cosmological argument for the existence of God).
God makes sense out of the precise way in which our universe is organized to support life (the fine-tuning argument for the existence of God).
God makes sense out of the origin for our moral intuitions (the moral argument for the existence of God).
We may not be able to feel, hear, or see God, but we can still come to believe in God’s existence through many avenues of reason. The Bible touches on this in Romans 1:20, which states,
“For his invisible attributes, namely, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.”
For more reasons to confidently believe in God and Christianity, check out 77 FAQs about God and the Bible by Josh and Sean McDowell. To dive deep into the historical validation of Christianity, also study their apologetics classic, Evidence That Demands a Verdict.
NEXT STEPS
Interested in knowing God personally? Get started with this really good info.
Need prayer? Contact us. We would love to pray for you!
Matthew Tingblad is concluding his seminary studies. He will soon join the Josh McDowell Ministry speaking team.
The post Why Believe in God if I Can’t Feel, Hear, or See Him? appeared first on Josh.org.
February 18, 2020
The Good Gift
I’ve always been a sucker for a romantic comedy. I watch Hallmark movies all throughout the Christmas season because I love their neatly packaged happy endings. I’d love to have that happy ever after for myself. Alas, I have remained the side character in the romantic comedy; the girl who makes everyone laugh and helps her best friends find their true love.
Now I’m in my thirties, and instead of wondering “How long must I wait?,” I’ve asked a new question.
Bridging the Gap blog #hurthealedwhole
For 50+ years, Josh McDowell Ministry has been leading seekers into a deeper knowledge of God’s truth and power. We offer you our accumulated knowledge and research to help you find truth and encouragement to live a healthy and whole life in Christ.
IS GOD TRUSTWORTHY?
And that question is, “Do I trust that God is always good and only gives me good gifts, as His Word promises?”
As I wrestled with this, I came to this revelation: My singleness isn’t a bad thing, because God always gives me what is best. I must emphasize that this realization did not come to me overnight, nor in a burning bush. It came through years of struggle, heart ache, tears, and prayers about being single.
Here are the things I know to be true about God: He is ALWAYS Good. He gives GOOD gifts to His children. He is ALWAYS loyal, faithful, loving, and kind toward us.
Scripture declares these promises:
Psalm 32:11: “So celebrate the goodness of God! He shows this kindness to everyone who is His.”
Nehemiah 9:20: “You gave your good Spirit to instruct them. You did not withhold your manna from their mouths, and you gave them water for their thirst.”
Psalm 100:5: “For the Lord is always good and ready to receive you. He’s so loving that it will amaze you, so kind that it will astound you! And He is famous for his faithfulness toward all. Everyone knows our God can be trusted, for he keeps his promises to every generation.”
If these verses are all true (Spoiler, they are), then it means my good, loyal, loving, and kind Heavenly Father has deemed that a husband is NOT a good gift for me right now. So it’s okay that I’m single! I know that sounds crazy coming from a girl who cries at happy endings.
But the more I walk with Jesus, the more I want His best for me. I trust that God will bring me a spouse if and when it is HIS good gift for me. Right now; however, He has given me a beautiful gift of singleness.
THE PRESSURE TO CONFORM
Another thing I’ve realized: people don’t know know how to respond to adult singles. Not our families, friends, and co-workers, and not the Church.
The Church is used to the cultural norm in which people marry in their twenties and start having babies. So, when someone doesn’t fit into the norm, the Church isn’t quite sure where to place them. Young adults ministry is too young, and the older singles are too old. It’s not for lack of care or love for its people. They recognize the problem, but they just don’t know what the solution is.
The Church has taught me to wait on the Lord and as I have wrestled with how to wait well, I’ve come to this revelation: STOP WAITING and START LIVING LIFE in the abundance God gives freely.
Pastors aren’t the only ones stumped with what to do with older singles. I recognize that people, in general, have the best of intentions when they say things to me like, “It will happen when you least expect it!” and “Have you tried online dating?” It’s 2020, people! Of course I’ve tried online dating…
Their comments, while meant in love, are void of the power of God. It’s uncomfortable for them to think that God might be writing a different, unique story for me.
THE ULTIMATE HAPPY ENDING
We all must remember that our best gift and happy ending is not in gaining a spouse. It’s in one day meeting Jesus face-to-face, and staying in perfect relationship with Him for eternity! That’s the ultimate happy ending!
Scripture reminds us that:
James 1:17: “Every gift God freely gives us is good and perfect, streaming down from the Father of lights, who shines from the heavens with no hidden shadow or darkness and is never subject to change.”
1 Corinthians 7:17: “Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them.”
Our season of being single is simply God’s gift to us to experience deep intimacy and fulfillment in Him.
RECEIVE THE GOOD GIFT
I still live with the expectant hope of a spouse, as God has not removed my desire. If it remains your desire as well, I encourage you to keep praying and believing for a spouse.
Sometimes, I forget how blessed I am where God has me and wish He would bring me a husband. But the reality is that Scripture does NOT PROMISE marriage.
So, I have to stop waiting around for it and live in the abundance God has for me. I’m going to daily lay my desires at the feet of Jesus, praying with faith that He will provide me with all the good gifts He has for me. But I am not going to let life pass me by.
I will never give up on living an adventure with the Lord. I will LIVE in full abundance every day, whether my singleness lasts for months, years, or until my last breath.
I hope you will, too. Let us press into the presence of God, abiding with Him as we live in the fullness His Word promises.
Whatever season we’re in, single or not, God wants us to live life to the fullest. It is our current leading role. Let’s do it well.
LIVING IN ABUNDANCE
Here are a few ways to help you LIVE the abundant life God has for you:
Get HEALTHY: Spend some time with the Lord and ask Him to reveal areas in your life where old hurts and unhealthy habits are keeping you from freedom. Sometimes we find ourselves walking around so wounded that we wouldn’t recognize a gift from the Lord if it hit us between the eyes. Perhaps we need to seek counseling? Or find a trustworthy mentor in our church that will speak God’s truth into our lives?
Set BOUNDARIES: As a single person in the church, I can tell you from personal experience that boundaries are critical! The church has a habit of confusing the gift of singleness with the gift of volunteering. If you’re not careful, your church will suck the life right out of you because they assume you have a lot of time to give. Don’t make yourself available for every volunteer need in your church, or you’ll burn out.
Do THE THINGS!: Each year, I ask the Lord for a word. He recently whispered to my spirit, “Do the things.” If we live in a “waiting” mindset, we run the risk of stalling out. So get moving! Choose ONE thing on your bucket list, and GO DO IT! Maybe it’s buying a house, starting your own business, following your dream of ministry, or traveling (Yes, please!). Time is too precious to wait on another person to go do things.
OPEN the Gifts: It’s like Christmas time has come and gone, and you’ve left beautifully wrapped gifts under the tree. Open them to see what God has for you in your singleness. Spend time with the Lord in His Word to discover where He might be guiding you to spend your energy and time.
NEXT STEPS:
Do you have a relationship with Jesus? Start here.
A helpful article, “Single, But Still Complete,” by Pastor Tony Evans.
Check out this article, too: “Why I’m Still Single This Valentine’s Day.”
Listen to Dr. Henry Cloud talk about The Gift of Singleness.
I’d love to know your thoughts on singleness. Share your comments below!
ASHLEY IS PART OF THE DEVELOPMENT TEAM AT JOSH MCDOWELL MINISTRY.
The post The Good Gift appeared first on Josh.org.
February 17, 2020
The Gift of Singleness
I was, and still am, a sucker for a romantic comedy. I watch Hallmark movies all throughout the Christmas season because I love their neatly packaged happy endings. I yearn for that happy relationship and marriage for myself. Alas, I have remained the side character in the romantic comedy; the single gal who helps her best friends to find their true loves.
Now in my thirties, I often wonder, “Where is my Prince Charming? But lately I’ve decided there’s a better question to ask myself.
Bridging the Gap blog #hurthealedwhole
For 50+ years, Josh McDowell Ministry has been leading seekers into a deeper knowledge of God’s truth and power. We offer you our accumulated knowledge and research to help you find truth and encouragement to live a healthy and whole life in Christ.
Singleness a Gift? Hmmm…
And that question is, “Do I trust that God always brings me His best gifts, as His Word promises?”
As I wrestled with this, I came to this revelation: My singleness isn’t a bad thing, because God always gives me what is best. I must emphasize that this realization did not come to me overnight, nor in a burning bush. It came through years of struggle, heart ache, tears, and prayers about being single.
Here are the things I know to be true about God: He is ALWAYS Good. He gives GOOD gifts to His children. He is ALWAYS loyal, faithful, loving, and kind toward us.
Scripture declares these promises:
Psalm 32:11: “So celebrate the goodness of God! He shows this kindness to everyone who is His.”
Nehemiah 9:20: “You gave your good Spirit to instruct them. You did not withhold your manna from their mouths, and you gave them water for their thirst.”
Psalm 100:5: “For the Lord is always good and ready to receive you. He’s so loving that it will amaze you, so kind that it will astound you! And He is famous for his faithfulness toward all. Everyone knows our God can be trusted, for he keeps his promises to every generation.”
My good, loyal, loving, and kind Heavenly Father has deemed that a husband is NOT a good gift for me right now. So it’s okay that I’m single! I know that sounds crazy coming from a gal who cries at happy endings.
But the more I walk with Jesus, the more I want His best for me. I trust that God will bring my spouse if and when it is HIS good gift for me. Right now, however, He has given me the beautiful GIFT OF SINGLENESS.
Feeling The Anxiety
Another thing I’ve realized: people don’t know know how to respond to older singles. Not our families, friends, and co-workers, and not the Church.
The Church is used to the cultural norm in which people marry in their twenties and start having babies. So the young adults ministry is too young for us, and the older singles are too old. And single parents need a whole different community.
In trying to be helpful, the Church has basically told me to wait on the Lord for my spouse. Once married, I’ll have a tidy place to fit in, as every church has marriage and family ministries.
Pastors aren’t the only ones stumped with what to do with older singles. I recognize that people, in general, have the best of intentions when they say things to me like, “It will happen when you least expect it!” and “Have you tried online dating?” It’s 2020, people! Of course I’ve tried online dating…
Their comments, while meant in love, are void of the power of God. It’s uncomfortable for them to think that through singleness, God might be writing a different, unique story for me.
But Trusting God
We all must remember that our best gift and happy ending is not in gaining a spouse. It’s in one day meeting Jesus face-to-face, and residing in perfect relationship with Him for eternity! So God has a good and beautiful story for me on this earth, with or without a spouse.
Scripture reminds us that:
James 1:17: “Every gift God freely gives us is good and perfect, streaming down from the Father of lights, who shines from the heavens with no hidden shadow or darkness and is never subject to change.”
1 Corinthians 7:17: “Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them.”
Sure, I sometimes forget to be grateful, when I fixate on wanting to be married. But the reality is that Scripture does NOT PROMISE marriage. So I need to STOP WAITING for my prince, and LIVE in the abundance God has for me in my singleness.
Expect God’s Best Gifts
I still live with the expectant hope of a spouse, as God has not removed my desire. If it remains your desire as well, I encourage you to keep praying and believing for a spouse. Don’t think that your desire to be married is bad, or selfish.
Our season of being single is simply God’s gift to us to experience deep intimacy and fulfillment in Him.
So I’m going to daily lay my desires at the feet of Jesus, praying with faith that He will provide me with all the good gifts He has for me. But I am not going to let life pass me by. I am going to get out there and LIVE in full abundance every day, whether my singleness lasts for months, years, or until my last breath.
I hope you will, too. Let us press into the presence of God, abiding with Him as we live in the fullness His Word promises.
Whatever season we’re in, God wants us to live life to the fullest. It’s okay that we’re still single! It is our current leading role. Let’s do it well.
I’d love to know your thoughts on singleness. Share your comments below!
Tips for Living in Abundance
Here are a few ways to help you LIVE with an attitude of the abundant life God has for you:
Get HEALTHY: Spend some time with the Lord and ask Him to reveal areas in your life where old hurts and unhealthy habits are keeping you from freedom. Sometimes we find ourselves walking around so wounded that we wouldn’t recognize a gift from the Lord if it hit us between the eyes. Perhaps we need to seek counseling? Or find a trustworthy mentor in our church that will speak God’s truth into our lives?
Set BOUNDARIES: As a single person in the church, I can tell you from personal experience that boundaries are critical! The church has a habit of confusing the gift of singleness with the gift of volunteering. If you’re not careful, your church will suck the life right out of you because they assume you have a lot of time to give. Don’t make yourself available for every volunteer need in your church, or you’ll burn out.
Do THE THINGS!: Each year, I ask the Lord for a word. He recently whispered to my spirit, “Do the things.” If we live in a “waiting” mindset, we run the risk of stalling out. Gals, we do NOT need a spouse to do the things! So get moving! Choose ONE thing on your bucket list, and GO DO IT! Maybe it’s buying a house, starting your own business, following your dream of ministry, or traveling (Yes, please!). Time is too precious to wait on another person to go do things.
OPEN the Gifts: It’s like Christmas time has come and gone, and you’ve left beautifully wrapped gifts under the tree. Open them to see what God has for you in your singleness. Spend time with the Lord in His Word to discover where He might be guiding you to spend your energy and time.
NEXT STEPS:
Do you have a relationship with Jesus? Start here.
A helpful article, “Single, But Still Complete” by Pastor Tony Evans.
Check out this article, too: “Why I’m Still Single This Valentine’s Day.”
Listen to Dr. Henry Cloud talk about The Gift of Singleness.
ASHLEY IS PART OF THE DEVELOPMENT TEAM AT JOSH MCDOWELL MINISTRY.
The post The Gift of Singleness appeared first on Josh.org.
February 16, 2020
Love: Theme of Life
Jesus’ words and life make it clear that love is always right. It is right for all people, for all places, and for all times.
Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40
Bridging the Gap blog #hurthealedwhole
For 50+ years, Josh McDowell Ministry has been leading seekers into a deeper knowledge of God’s truth and power. We offer you our accumulated knowledge and research to help you find truth and encouragement to live a healthy and whole life in Christ.
Love: Theme of Life
If your life was depicted in a TV show what would it be like? Friends? The Brady Bunch? The Office?
Jesus’ entire life could be themed and titled Love. It’s the essence of who He is.
That’s why Jesus commands us to love. The Bible records Jesus saying,
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35, NIV).
Love was the center of everything Jesus did here on earth. He left heaven because of love. He became a man, to experience our humanity, because of love. He filled His life with doing good, because of love. He willingly died for us because of His amazing love. And in resurrecting, He guaranteed that we get to spend eternity in His loving presence.
How are you doing at loving like Jesus?
ACT: The next time you hear a love song, remember the theme of Jesus’ life: love.
PRAY: “Father, I want to love you with my whole heart, soul, mind, and strength. And I want to love the people around me, too. This week help me to show love to_______________________, so that they see You in me, and I can tell them about Your love.”
NEXT STEPS:
Join us in our February Bridging the Gap posts as we explore the topic of love.
Do we really know what “love” is, and how to show it?
Enjoy this daily devotion? Sign up today to start getting it in your inbox.
Learn how to begin a personal relationship with God, so that you learn about His love for you (and that person you can’t stand). Start here .
Adapted from Your So-Called Life , February 12, One-Year Book of Josh McDowell’s Youth Devotions , February 11. © 1996, 2003, 2019 Josh McDowell Ministry. All rights reserved. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission.
The post Love: Theme of Life appeared first on Josh.org.
February 13, 2020
Saving Her First Kiss
I have always enjoyed a close relationship with my daughter, but I often depended on my wife to prompt me on “girl” things to discuss with her. One morning over breakfast, I found myself asking my then 8th grade daughter a question that unexpectedly popped into my mind.
Bridging the Gap blog #hurthealedwhole
For 50+ years, Josh McDowell Ministry has been leading seekers into a deeper knowledge of God’s truth and power. We offer you our accumulated knowledge and research to help you find truth and encouragement to live a healthy and whole life in Christ.
Saving Her First Kiss
“Sweetheart,” I asked, “what will you do when a boy asks you to kiss him?”
Frankly, I was surprised that the question came out of my mouth. But I was even more surprised and amused by her answer. “Dad,” she replied, “I’ll slap him.” I laughed, and she laughed, though I did state that I wasn’t sure that slapping him would be the best approach.
I think this particular conversation with my daughter has stuck with me over the years because my question led us to have a very significant and honest conversation that God clearly wanted us to have.
I shared with her the personal story of my first kiss, which was with her mother. I had made the decision, I told her, to wait to have my first kiss within the context of a meaningful and God-honoring relationship. I shared that I hoped that she, too, would save her first kiss for a special time and a special person. We chatted about demonstrating affection, and that a kiss is a significant way of doing so.
Setting a Biblical Standard
In guiding her to a biblical basis, I shared with her how the apostle Paul, in 2 Timothy 2:22, helped to guide me in this area. “So flee from youthful passions,” he wrote, “and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”
I encouraged my precious daughter to ask God to help her to pursue relationships that honored Him and the young man she would eventually kiss.
Several days later I could see God’s hand in our impromptu conversation, when a boy did ask for a kiss. My daughter told me that she declined, confidently explaining to the boy why she wanted to save her first kiss. It melted this dad’s heart when she told me how thankful she was for our chat, as it made her realize that this boy was more interested in a kiss than in a God-honoring relationship.
Three Truths to Follow
The outcome of our conversation reminded me of the influence I can have in my children’s lives. And it committed me to these three truths:
I must have regular one-on-one time with my children, no matter their age.
I must listen carefully to the prompting of both my wife and the Holy Spirit as I have conversations with my children.
I must make sure that I keep our communication channels open, no matter how busy I am or what’s going on in each of our lives.
It makes me happy, on this holiday that celebrates love, that my daughter and I continue to have a close relationship built on authentic conversation. And that she did, in fact, save her first kiss for someone special. Now that she is a mother of three pre-teens herself, my daughter is able to confidently model the parent/child relationship we intentionally built over the years, as she shares her own godly wisdom.
NEXT STEPS:
Other helpful articles on the Josh McDowell Ministry site: “The Importance of Intact Families,” “Talking to Your Daughter About Sex,” and “The Power of Love: The Missing Link.“
Our Straight Talk parent resource pack guides you in talking to your kids about sex.
Josh’s The Father Factor book will help you to become the best dad you want to be for your children.
You also can check out our parenting research here.
Duane Zook is the CEO of Josh McDowell Ministry.
The post Saving Her First Kiss appeared first on Josh.org.
February 12, 2020
I Kissed Dating Hello
I believe many Christians have continued to be influenced by that idea. Many view dating as a tedious search to find the “right” spouse. So they jump into an exclusive relationship and put the pedal to the metal full force, quickly getting married. They don’t take the time to go on dates with different types of people. For some, it’s the fear of being perceived as a “player.” But some have gotten the idea, as the book suggests, that dating a lot of people isn’t biblical.
I held many of these views until last year. Then I tried a new approach.
Bridging the Gap blog #hurthealedwhole
For 50+ years, Josh McDowell Ministry has been leading seekers into a deeper knowledge of God’s truth and power. We offer you our accumulated knowledge and research to help you find truth and encouragement to live a healthy and whole life in Christ.
I Kissed Dating Hello
What did I do differently? I kissed casual dating hello.
I went on lots of dates. I committed to getting out there for a season, getting to know different kinds of women. I committed to enjoying the process, and to not looking for something serious. I was totally up front with my dates about this journey. And I made sure that I had male friends to hold me accountable, and to help me process my experiences and learning.
One reason I began this journey was because up until this point in my life, I hadn’t dated much (besides that year in seventh grade when I had eight different “girlfriends,” although not at the same time!). Sure, I had been in a couple of serious relationships since then. But I never took the time to ask myself critical questions. Questions like, “Based on who God has made me, what might I need in a significant other?” and “How might I be attracted or not attracted to specific characteristics in others, in reaction to the hurts and unmet needs of my past?”
Throughout my dating last year, I also asked:
“What do I find attractive about this woman? Is it healthy or unhealthy?”
“Am I attracted to her because she has something I lack?”
“Am I attracted to her because she reminds me of someone from my past, and I am somehow hoping to have a different outcome?”
Am I not attracted because she reminds me of someone who has hurt me in the past?”
Broken Dating Picker?
Often, our attraction to others is not rooted in who we are, but deeply woven into the unresolved areas of our story.
For years, I found myself attracted to women who were more adaptable, passive, and quiet. This developed in reaction to my having been walked over by authority figures, and being hurt by women who were rigid. Out of self-protection, I attempted to avoid future hurt by going after women who weren’t dominant. My unhealthy attraction became the basis to determine if I dated someone or not — until I began to recognize this pattern. Only then did I learn to hold my own on dates with strong women, and to enjoy how God had created them.
In short, we tend to date from and in reaction to our emotional wounds in life. Until we do the hard work of addressing these unresolved areas of our life, we will continue to reenact them, hoping for a different outcome.
Going on many dates with women I normally would have stayed away from stretched me, grew me, and challenged me. I learned to relax and be present. I learned to focus much more on others, rather than questioning if they met the criteria I held as crucial for a future spouse. I became a lot more open to who I could consider being with.
As I went on dates last year, what I was attracted to began to expand as I saw the glory of God displayed in many types of women. I grew an appreciation and attraction for different personalities, physical characteristics, and values. It was so healing.
Dating provides us with an opportunity to understand why we are and aren’t attracted to certain people. To learn if we are instinctively choosing the wrong people for ourselves. Perhaps you’ve thought, “I’m not attracted to anyone that I also enjoy spending time with,” or “Things never work out.” Perhaps at this very minute you’re thinking, “God just hasn’t brought me the right person yet.” Hmmm….unless you’re hoping to marry the mailman or the person who delivers your Uber eats, you might want to rethink that expectation.
Of course, God could deliver “the one” to your front door. But He typically asks us to play an active part in the process. So let me encourage you to get out there. Introduce yourself to people in public and at events. Sign up for a dating app. Learn to be open, go on dates, and enjoy the process. Learn why you are/aren’t attracted to others, so that you figure how how to date healthy and whole.
I’d love to know your thoughts on this topic. Please share your comments below.
Helpful Dating Tips
Get rid of your mental list of requirements in a significant other and be open to the idea that you may not know what you need.
Go on dates with different kinds of people. Don’t limit yourself to a type.
Be wise and hold to your convictions.
If you’re attracted to certain types of people, traits, and characteristics, ask yourself why. Is it healthy or unhealthy?
If you’re turned off by certain types of people, traits, and characteristics, ask yourself why. Could it be your own fear, insecurity, or unresolved hurts from the past?
Don’t go on first dates to find a spouse. Go to have fun, and learn about yourself and others. Pay close attention to your reactions, feelings, fears, and attractions.
Be slow to become exclusive with someone. It’s easy to get swept away by the thrill of a new relationship, rather than being appropriately cautious as you slowly get to know someone. When you decide to get exclusive, date with the intention of moving toward marriage.
Don’t over-spiritualize God’s call on your dating relationships. God’s will for you in dating and marriage remains the same as the rest of your life: ”For this is the will of God, your sanctification…” 1 Thessalonians 4:3
NEXT STEPS:
For more on this topic, check out my dating article on the Pure Desire Ministries website.
Other helpful articles on the Josh McDowell Ministry site: “Love Is…,” “Everyone Loves Sex, So Why Wait,” and “Porn, Sexual Assault & Changing a Culture of #MeToo“
The book Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, is an excellent resource.
Ben is a speaker with Josh McDowell Ministry, helping individuals overcome hurts, unwanted behaviors, and thrive in life. Previously he served with the U.S. Campus Ministry of Cru as the Mid-Atlantic Regional Coordinator for sexual addiction recovery.
The post I Kissed Dating Hello appeared first on Josh.org.
February 10, 2020
Loving Hard-to-Love People
Loving hard-to-love people requires God’s help. But we can do it!
“It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.” ~Jimmy Dugan
Bridging the Gap blog #hurthealedwhole
For 50+ years, Josh McDowell Ministry has been leading seekers into a deeper knowledge of God’s truth and power. We offer you our accumulated knowledge and research to help you find truth and encouragement to live a healthy and whole life in Christ.
Loving Hard-to-Love People
In the baseball movie A League of Their Own, about a women’s professional team named the Rockford Peaches, team manager Jimmy Dugan delivers this powerful quote after his player Dottie says she’s quitting the team to go home.
Jesus spoke similar words to his disciples when He said,
“Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God.” 1 John 4:7
“If you love only those who love you, what good is that?” Matthew 5:46-48
Dugan was talking about baseball, of course, and Jesus was talking about loving hard-to-love people. But they’re making the same point.
Are you having trouble loving the coach who won’t play you, the neighbor who disrespects you, the former best friend who has stabbed you in the back? Loving hard-to-love people is impossible without God’s help. And God totally knows that. Yet He says to do so, if we really want to say that we love Him.
This is why God “has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love” (Romans 5:5). As we spend time with God, handing Him our hurts and anger and disappointment, He will give us peace, which helps us to love hard-to-love people. Love is His greatest commandment to us, right?
Our commitment to reflecting His love will, at times, be incredibly hard for us. Certainly way harder than any game of baseball! But let’s give it our all, refusing to quit, even when we occasionally strike out. Every day is another opportunity for us to love hard-to-love people, which God uses to further develop our Christ-like character.
It’s supposed to be hard. If it weren’t hard, everyone would do it.
The hard is what makes it great.
REFLECT: Who do you find really hard to be around? Who do you find it really hard to be nice to? Think of something you can do this week to reflect God’s love toward this person. It might be as small as acknowledging this person’s presence. It might be doing this person a favor. It might even be including this person in your next social event.
PRAY: “Thank you, God, for your Holy Spirit, who makes it possible for me to love others when I take my focus off of myself and place it on You.”
It’s when we surrender our hurts and forgive that we realize just how awesome God’s love is for us.
NEXT STEPS:
Join us in our February Bridging the Gap posts as we explore the topic of love.
Do we really know what “love” is, and how to show it?
Enjoy this daily devotion? Sign up today to start getting it in your inbox.
Learn how to begin a personal relationship with God, so that you learn about His love for you (and that person you can’t stand). Start here .
Adapted from, Loving When It’s Hard , February 13, One-Year Book of Josh McDowell’s Youth Devotions . © 1996, 2003, 2019 Josh McDowell Ministry. All rights reserved. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission.
The post Loving Hard-to-Love People appeared first on Josh.org.
February 8, 2020
Welcome to Bridging the Gap!
Welcome to Bridging the Gap blog #hurthealedwhole
For 50+ years, Josh McDowell Ministry has been leading seekers into a deeper knowledge of God’s truth and power. We offer you our accumulated knowledge and research to help you find truth and encouragement to live a healthy and whole life in Christ.
Grappling Big Issues
Bridging the Gap builds on our 2019 blogging series, Journey Together, which grappled with big, foundational questions such as: Can we trust God?, How do we find hope for life?, and How do we overcome shame?. Check out those posts for the answers!
This year, we’ll dive deep into how our personal relationship with Christ gains us clarity, comfort, and confidence in our crazy world. Let’s get real: being a Christian isn’t particularly powerful or satisfying when it’s just a one-hour-on-Sunday ritual. That’s shallow. And shallow, as you may have already discovered, fails us big-time when we really need to believe that we can depend on God.
Because trust is earned, right? It’s only as we develop a close relationship with God that we come to know, through personal experience, that He really is as trustworthy as His Word promises. Without personal experience, Psalm 28:7 are just nice words. But they take on real significance when we learn to “Let go and let God” show up. Once convinced that God always has your back, friends, you’ll not view life the same!
So over the coming months we’ll talk about apologetics—how we can know that God is real and Jesus is Lord—of course, because it’s our primary focus. But as we believe that apologetics follows caring relationship, we’ll also dive into hard topics such as addiction, anxiety, relationships, and discovering our purpose. We want to know you and what’s on your mind, just as we want you to know us. Together let’s seek out the trustworthiness of God.
We Want to Help You to Live Your Best Life
When we live as God wants us to, we really do see that His guidelines are meant to save us from a whole lot of avoidable hurt and drama. And where there is God, there is healing, so it’s never to late for us to get back on track, when/if we do wander off His path.
So whether you’re fifteen or eighty, a single mom or a seminary student, a committed Christ-follower or trying to figure out what you believe, we know you’ll find nuggets of truth and wisdom here as we bridge the gap together. Why not go ahead and bookmark our blog page, and connect with us on Facebook, so you don’t miss our latest posts?
We’re excited you’re joining us, friends! We’re expecting God to do great things this year. We look forward to your feedback as we go along. Please let us know if particular topics are important to you. We’ll be praying for you — and would be so grateful if you’d pray for us, too!
Until the whole world hears,
Chrissy
JMM Digital Marketing and Media Manager
NEXT STEPS:
Join us in our February Bridging the Gap posts as we explore the topic of love.
Do we really know what “love” is, and how to show it?
Catch up on our Journey Together posts. Experience God in a deeper way!
Learn how to begin a personal relationship with God. Start here .
The post Welcome to Bridging the Gap! appeared first on Josh.org.
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