Josh McDowell's Blog, page 22
February 12, 2020
I Kissed Dating Hello
I believe many Christians have continued to be influenced by that idea. Many view dating as a tedious search to find the “right” spouse. So they jump into an exclusive relationship and put the pedal to the metal full force, quickly getting married. They don’t take the time to go on dates with different types of people. For some, it’s the fear of being perceived as a “player.” But some have gotten the idea, as the book suggests, that dating a lot of people isn’t biblical.
I held many of these views until last year. Then I tried a new approach.
Bridging the Gap blog #hurthealedwhole
For 50+ years, Josh McDowell Ministry has been leading seekers into a deeper knowledge of God’s truth and power. We offer you our accumulated knowledge and research to help you find truth and encouragement to live a healthy and whole life in Christ.
I Kissed Dating Hello
What did I do differently? I kissed casual dating hello.
I went on lots of dates. I committed to getting out there for a season, getting to know different kinds of women. I committed to enjoying the process, and to not looking for something serious. I was totally up front with my dates about this journey. And I made sure that I had male friends to hold me accountable, and to help me process my experiences and learning.
One reason I began this journey was because up until this point in my life, I hadn’t dated much (besides that year in seventh grade when I had eight different “girlfriends,” although not at the same time!). Sure, I had been in a couple of serious relationships since then. But I never took the time to ask myself critical questions. Questions like, “Based on who God has made me, what might I need in a significant other?” and “How might I be attracted or not attracted to specific characteristics in others, in reaction to the hurts and unmet needs of my past?”
Throughout my dating last year, I also asked:
“What do I find attractive about this woman? Is it healthy or unhealthy?”
“Am I attracted to her because she has something I lack?”
“Am I attracted to her because she reminds me of someone from my past, and I am somehow hoping to have a different outcome?”
Am I not attracted because she reminds me of someone who has hurt me in the past?”
Broken Dating Picker?
Often, our attraction to others is not rooted in who we are, but deeply woven into the unresolved areas of our story.
For years, I found myself attracted to women who were more adaptable, passive, and quiet. This developed in reaction to my having been walked over by authority figures, and being hurt by women who were rigid. Out of self-protection, I attempted to avoid future hurt by going after women who weren’t dominant. My unhealthy attraction became the basis to determine if I dated someone or not — until I began to recognize this pattern. Only then did I learn to hold my own on dates with strong women, and to enjoy how God had created them.
In short, we tend to date from and in reaction to our emotional wounds in life. Until we do the hard work of addressing these unresolved areas of our life, we will continue to reenact them, hoping for a different outcome.
Going on many dates with women I normally would have stayed away from stretched me, grew me, and challenged me. I learned to relax and be present. I learned to focus much more on others, rather than questioning if they met the criteria I held as crucial for a future spouse. I became a lot more open to who I could consider being with.
As I went on dates last year, what I was attracted to began to expand as I saw the glory of God displayed in many types of women. I grew an appreciation and attraction for different personalities, physical characteristics, and values. It was so healing.
Dating provides us with an opportunity to understand why we are and aren’t attracted to certain people. To learn if we are instinctively choosing the wrong people for ourselves. Perhaps you’ve thought, “I’m not attracted to anyone that I also enjoy spending time with,” or “Things never work out.” Perhaps at this very minute you’re thinking, “God just hasn’t brought me the right person yet.” Hmmm….unless you’re hoping to marry the mailman or the person who delivers your Uber eats, you might want to rethink that expectation.
Of course, God could deliver “the one” to your front door. But He typically asks us to play an active part in the process. So let me encourage you to get out there. Introduce yourself to people in public and at events. Sign up for a dating app. Learn to be open, go on dates, and enjoy the process. Learn why you are/aren’t attracted to others, so that you figure how how to date healthy and whole.
I’d love to know your thoughts on this topic. Please share your comments below.
Helpful Dating Tips
Get rid of your mental list of requirements in a significant other and be open to the idea that you may not know what you need.
Go on dates with different kinds of people. Don’t limit yourself to a type.
Be wise and hold to your convictions.
If you’re attracted to certain types of people, traits, and characteristics, ask yourself why. Is it healthy or unhealthy?
If you’re turned off by certain types of people, traits, and characteristics, ask yourself why. Could it be your own fear, insecurity, or unresolved hurts from the past?
Don’t go on first dates to find a spouse. Go to have fun, and learn about yourself and others. Pay close attention to your reactions, feelings, fears, and attractions.
Be slow to become exclusive with someone. It’s easy to get swept away by the thrill of a new relationship, rather than being appropriately cautious as you slowly get to know someone. When you decide to get exclusive, date with the intention of moving toward marriage.
Don’t over-spiritualize God’s call on your dating relationships. God’s will for you in dating and marriage remains the same as the rest of your life: ”For this is the will of God, your sanctification…” 1 Thessalonians 4:3
NEXT STEPS:
For more on this topic, check out my dating article on the Pure Desire Ministries website.
Other helpful articles on the Josh McDowell Ministry site: “Love Is…,” “Everyone Loves Sex, So Why Wait,” and “Porn, Sexual Assault & Changing a Culture of #MeToo“
The book Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, is an excellent resource.
Ben is a speaker with Josh McDowell Ministry, helping individuals overcome hurts, unwanted behaviors, and thrive in life. Previously he served with the U.S. Campus Ministry of Cru as the Mid-Atlantic Regional Coordinator for sexual addiction recovery.
The post I Kissed Dating Hello appeared first on Josh.org.
February 10, 2020
Loving Hard-to-Love People
Loving hard-to-love people requires God’s help. But we can do it!
“It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.” ~Jimmy Dugan
Bridging the Gap blog #hurthealedwhole
For 50+ years, Josh McDowell Ministry has been leading seekers into a deeper knowledge of God’s truth and power. We offer you our accumulated knowledge and research to help you find truth and encouragement to live a healthy and whole life in Christ.
Loving Hard-to-Love People
In the baseball movie A League of Their Own, about a women’s professional team named the Rockford Peaches, team manager Jimmy Dugan delivers this powerful quote after his player Dottie says she’s quitting the team to go home.
Jesus spoke similar words to his disciples when He said,
“Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God.” 1 John 4:7
“If you love only those who love you, what good is that?” Matthew 5:46-48
Dugan was talking about baseball, of course, and Jesus was talking about loving hard-to-love people. But they’re making the same point.
Are you having trouble loving the coach who won’t play you, the neighbor who disrespects you, the former best friend who has stabbed you in the back? Loving hard-to-love people is impossible without God’s help. And God totally knows that. Yet He says to do so, if we really want to say that we love Him.
This is why God “has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love” (Romans 5:5). As we spend time with God, handing Him our hurts and anger and disappointment, He will give us peace, which helps us to love hard-to-love people. Love is His greatest commandment to us, right?
Our commitment to reflecting His love will, at times, be incredibly hard for us. Certainly way harder than any game of baseball! But let’s give it our all, refusing to quit, even when we occasionally strike out. Every day is another opportunity for us to love hard-to-love people, which God uses to further develop our Christ-like character.
It’s supposed to be hard. If it weren’t hard, everyone would do it.
The hard is what makes it great.
REFLECT: Who do you find really hard to be around? Who do you find it really hard to be nice to? Think of something you can do this week to reflect God’s love toward this person. It might be as small as acknowledging this person’s presence. It might be doing this person a favor. It might even be including this person in your next social event.
PRAY: “Thank you, God, for your Holy Spirit, who makes it possible for me to love others when I take my focus off of myself and place it on You.”
It’s when we surrender our hurts and forgive that we realize just how awesome God’s love is for us.
NEXT STEPS:
Join us in our February Bridging the Gap posts as we explore the topic of love.
Do we really know what “love” is, and how to show it?
Enjoy this daily devotion? Sign up today to start getting it in your inbox.
Learn how to begin a personal relationship with God, so that you learn about His love for you (and that person you can’t stand). Start here .
Adapted from, Loving When It’s Hard , February 13, One-Year Book of Josh McDowell’s Youth Devotions . © 1996, 2003, 2019 Josh McDowell Ministry. All rights reserved. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission.
The post Loving Hard-to-Love People appeared first on Josh.org.
February 8, 2020
Welcome to Bridging the Gap!
Welcome to Bridging the Gap blog #hurthealedwhole
For 50+ years, Josh McDowell Ministry has been leading seekers into a deeper knowledge of God’s truth and power. We offer you our accumulated knowledge and research to help you find truth and encouragement to live a healthy and whole life in Christ.
Grappling Big Issues
Bridging the Gap builds on our 2019 blogging series, Journey Together, which grappled with big, foundational questions such as: Can we trust God?, How do we find hope for life?, and How do we overcome shame?. Check out those posts for the answers!
This year, we’ll dive deep into how our personal relationship with Christ gains us clarity, comfort, and confidence in our crazy world. Let’s get real: being a Christian isn’t particularly powerful or satisfying when it’s just a one-hour-on-Sunday ritual. That’s shallow. And shallow, as you may have already discovered, fails us big-time when we really need to believe that we can depend on God.
Because trust is earned, right? It’s only as we develop a close relationship with God that we come to know, through personal experience, that He really is as trustworthy as His Word promises. Without personal experience, Psalm 28:7 are just nice words. But they take on real significance when we learn to “Let go and let God” show up. Once convinced that God always has your back, friends, you’ll not view life the same!
So over the coming months we’ll talk about apologetics—how we can know that God is real and Jesus is Lord—of course, because it’s our primary focus. But as we believe that apologetics follows caring relationship, we’ll also dive into hard topics such as addiction, anxiety, relationships, and discovering our purpose. We want to know you and what’s on your mind, just as we want you to know us. Together let’s seek out the trustworthiness of God.
We Want to Help You to Live Your Best Life
When we live as God wants us to, we really do see that His guidelines are meant to save us from a whole lot of avoidable hurt and drama. And where there is God, there is healing, so it’s never to late for us to get back on track, when/if we do wander off His path.
So whether you’re fifteen or eighty, a single mom or a seminary student, a committed Christ-follower or trying to figure out what you believe, we know you’ll find nuggets of truth and wisdom here as we bridge the gap together. Why not go ahead and bookmark our blog page, and connect with us on Facebook, so you don’t miss our latest posts?
We’re excited you’re joining us, friends! We’re expecting God to do great things this year. We look forward to your feedback as we go along. Please let us know if particular topics are important to you. We’ll be praying for you — and would be so grateful if you’d pray for us, too!
Until the whole world hears,
Chrissy
JMM Digital Marketing and Media Manager
NEXT STEPS:
Join us in our February Bridging the Gap posts as we explore the topic of love.
Do we really know what “love” is, and how to show it?
Catch up on our Journey Together posts. Experience God in a deeper way!
Learn how to begin a personal relationship with God. Start here .
The post Welcome to Bridging the Gap! appeared first on Josh.org.
December 20, 2019
The Bad News and Good News About Christmas
Hi, I’m Alex McLellan with Josh McDowell Ministry.
Any Christmas that revolves around Santa comes down to this: are you on the nice list, or are you on the naughty list?
If you’ve been good – you qualify for the nice list – and get the reward! If you’ve been bad – you end up on the naughty list and miss out! It’s important for parents to help children understand decisions have consequences – both good and bad, …although without deferring to Santa as the source of moral authority [smile].
But, when it comes to the REAL reason for Christmas, there’s good news and bad news.
First, the bad news.
The Bible says, we’re ALL on the naughty list!
Ouch!
Jesus said, the thoughts we think are enough to know – and show we are broken people living in a broken world. There is an ultimate gift from God – a relationship with Him that lasts forever, but it’s out of reach, since we can never earn or deserve God’s favour.
You don’t see this on too many Christmas cards.
But here’s the good news that turns Christmas upside down, or I should say the right way up.
The Bible says, God loves every person – despite the fact we’re on the naughty list – so much that he was willing to do what was necessary to get us out of trouble.
In the classic Christmas movie, It’s a Wonderful Life a broken man cries out to God when he’s burdened with a debt he can’t repay, until someone else steps in and saves the day.
In the movie, the story makes sense because he was a good man who deserved it.
In the real Christmas story- which is HIStory, God came to save people who didn’t deserve it. Jesus lived among us. He died for us – to pay for everything that ought to separate us from a Holy God. It’s got nothing to do with our goodness, it’s all about God’s grace.
Now that’s a real gift – the kind we don’t deserve and can’t afford.
And that’s why this message is celebrated around the world!
This is a gift you can unwrap this Christmas. How? Ask God to forgive you, trust in Jesus who died for you and believe that He rose again to conquer death, offering you new life that starts today and lasts forever!
Merry Christmas!
Alex
Join Alex here as he discusses how we can navigate through a broken and confusing life with HOPE!
Catch up: The introductory post to the Journey Together series.
The post The Bad News and Good News About Christmas appeared first on Josh.org.
December 4, 2019
Jesus Died for Me … So Why Do I Still Feel Guilt?
He asked the audience a simple question: “How many of you have trouble dealing with your past?” There was a pause. He continued. “You know why? It’s because you don’t believe it’s been dealt with already.” He was referring to the sacrifice that Jesus made to remove all of our guilt and shame.
Sometimes our guilt can run so deep, that this simple truth just doesn’t seem possible. We don’t feel any better. In fact, maybe statements like that make you feel even more guilty because it’s supposed to work.
I have nothing against these simple statements of truth, but in most cases it takes time to heal and to see yourself with a healthy self-image and identity. We must keep this in mind as we feed on a healthy diet of the Gospel message.
It helps to identify that there is a distinction between guilt and shame.
Maybe you have heard this before: Guilt is a feeling that you have done wrong and deserve punishment. Shame is feeling that you are wrong because of the things you have done. These feelings often mix together, though shame tends to be the bigger issue. Josh McDowell Ministry speaker Ben Bennett has written some helpful articles on shame here and here.
Allow me to offer three helpful tips specific to guilt:
1. You don’t need to feel not guilty in order to be not guilty.
The Bible tells us that guilt is a condition objectively true or false for a person, and is directly connected to sin. Those who sin are guilty of death (Romans 6:23). Guilt is not a feeling; it is a verdict. The judge is the one who decides, not you. We may experience feelings, but the reality is based on an objective standard, not our feelings.
The Bible is clear that those who have confessed their sins to Jesus are forgiven of their sins.
This forgiveness is not accomplished by our feelings, emotions, or the degree of our faith. It is because Jesus is “faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Our judge has decided. Still, some people think that they have to feel not guilty in order to be right with God. That’s simply not true.
If you have confessed your sins to God and trust in the saving power of Jesus to remove your sins, you are washed, justified, sanctified, and set free from all of your sin and guilt (1 Corinthians 6:11). It is a bonafide fact of your reality in Christ, despite your feelings. This truth is the first step in finding freedom from feeling guilty.
2. Guilt is an invitation to abide with God who heals us.
Earlier I used a “judge” metaphor. God is the judge who has declared us innocent. This metaphor can be helpful, but it also creates a mental conflict: Nobody hears this and thinks, “Thank heavens! Now I can spend time in a wonderful and intimate relationship with my judge!”
Several months ago, a woman told me that she felt guilty for something she did in the past. She was desperate to get rid of her feelings of guilt. I appreciated her willingness to make things right, but I wondered if her sole motive was her desire to “get God off my back.”
We often think: As long as I don’t have a guilty conscience, I don’t have to worry about God and I can get on with my life.
This is wrong thinking on so many levels, but the idea can easily find life in the subconscious of many Christians. Instead of running to God — the only one who can heal us from guilt — we hide like Adam and Eve. The reality is that our feelings of guilt is a reason to press harder into our relationship with God. He is prepared to receive us in love and to help us along the way. He isn’t afraid of our mess.
3. Forgiveness with God is not the same as forgiveness with another person.
Sometimes we really do need to take steps to make things right. We are already right with God when we confess our sins, but what about our standing with others?
Our feelings of guilt may actually be conviction from the Holy Spirit to make things right. If you feel guilty because of something you did against another person, have you done your part to humble yourself and ask for forgiveness? Even if this person was 97 percent wrong, and you were only 3 percent wrong, God says you are still responsible to seek forgiveness for your part.
God calls us to live at peace with others as much as we are able (Romans 12:18). To seek forgiveness from another person is one of the hardest things you may ever do. But it can also be completely liberating. Even if the relationship is not fixed, you will know that you have done your part, and you can take joy in knowing that your actions have pleased God.
For more on knowing God personally, check out this really good info.
Need prayer? Contact us.
The post Jesus Died for Me … So Why Do I Still Feel Guilt? appeared first on Josh.org.
November 22, 2019
Living in Freedom from Addiction
“Freedom is not having the ability to do what you want to do, freedom is having the ability to do what you ought to do.” – Josh D. McDowell
In the midst of addiction, our hope for freedom can be clouded by a loss of control, depression, and isolation. From personal experience, the light at the end of the tunnel becomes more and more dim as failure and shame build. While trapped in my addiction to pornography, I thought for years that freedom was unattainable.
My pride and desire for control lead me to think that I could fix myself. The harsh reality was that I couldn’t. But I sit here today, in this moment, with a new level of health and freedom. How did I finally get here?
Identifying Freedom
First of all, let’s define “freedom,” specific to addiction. About a year and a half ago, when asked to define freedom by a few of the staff here at Josh McDowell Ministry, I thought a moment and replied, “Freedom is not struggling with temptation or sin.”
At the time, I really thought that was the goal I was supposed to be aiming for. It was certainly my personal goal in the first few months of my recovery. But I have come to realize that it’s not the right goal or definition, because it’s completely unrealistic.
Back then I expected that there would be a moment in my recovery where I would experience complete freedom — which would last the rest of my life. I thought freedom meant I would no longer struggle with lust, experience the temptation of sexual sin, or have to deal with the consequences of my sin. Now I understand that complete freedom isn’t possible here on earth, because of our inherent sinful nature. We still sin.
Justification
From my mindset of not struggling, I defined freedom through the lens of justification. Justification is a big theological term that means “to be declared righteous, or to be made right with God.”
Romans 5:18-19 tells us what Christ did for us: “Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for fall men. For as by the one man’s disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man’s obedience the many will be made righteous.”
When Christ died on the cross, He took our sins upon himself. In His resurrection, He conquered that sin. Because of His gift of grace, we believers are justified, or declared righteous, when we surrender our lives to Him. Christ paid the price that we could never pay; we are fully forgiven, if we choose to accept it.
Sanctification
I think a much better definition of freedom is found in terms of sanctification. To be sanctified is “to be brought into the presence of God and to share in the life of His Son through the Holy Spirit.” That sounds intimidating, so let me break it down.
You and I have been brought into God’s presence by Christ’s death and resurrection on the cross. This is called adoption. With this adoption, we gain the gift of the Holy Spirit working in our lives. The Holy Spirit helps us in many ways, including convicting us and leading us toward repentance. When we repent and turn away from our sin, we become more like Christ. So sanctification is our growth toward a life that imitates Christ; a life of holiness.
In the same way, finding freedom is growth toward health. We find freedom in health. 1 Thessalonians 5:23 says, “Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Full freedom isn’t possible because of our sinful nature, but we can gain health.
If we look at Josh’s definition — that “freedom is having the ability to do what you ought to do” — we get a better grasp of how to view freedom. If we are free to do what we ought to do, we remove the barriers that keep us from doing what we ought to do.
Freedom, or health, looks a lot like being connected to the life of God.
Restoration
Christian counselor Michael Dye created an addiction recovery tool called the FASTER Scale. The scale identifies the stages people move through toward relapse, so they can see it coming and get proactive. The FASTER acronym stands for Forgetting Priorities, Anxiety, Speeding Up, Ticked Off, Exhausted, and Relapse.
The FASTER Scale focuses on restoration (accepting life on God’s terms, with trust, vulnerability, and gratitude). If we live in restoration, we live lives saturated with healthy relationships, vulnerability, intimacy, identifying and dealing with emotions, walking with the Spirit, and working through pain. These aspects create health, which produces freedom.
This freedom is based on connection with God and other people. No matter our state of health, we still experience temptation and sin. But if we are living in restoration and connection, our connectedness provides healthy ways of dealing with them.
Often, to gain health or freedom, we must go to what hurt us in the first place: people. We learn to cope as people closest to us hurt us. But this woundedness creates isolation and barriers that keep us from living in intimate connection with God and others. To break down those barriers and return to health, we must learn to trust others and experience the intimacy that God intends us to enjoy.
Can we really gain freedom and health? Yes!
Walking in Freedom
I have been finding freedom and health for the past two years. It is unbelievably fulfilling to walk in health, because it is how God created me to experience life. Has it been hard to find health? Yes, but incredibly worth it.
I found health primarily by returning to my identity in Christ. I had to identify the root of the problem — my belief that I was not enough — and to experience my worth in Christ. I have had to process the pain in my past, and experience who I am in Christ through relationships with others. I have learned how to trust others with my fears.
Freedom is found when we live in health. It is characterized by vulnerability, connected relationships, intimacy, walking with the spirit, identifying and dealing with emotions, working through pain, and experiencing our worth in Christ.
Freedom is returning to our identity in Christ. Freedom is being less bound to the sins that entrap us. It is not always constant; it fluctuates day-to-day as we walk with others and navigate our sin-soaked world. We won’t find full freedom from sin here on earth, but we can find freedom from addiction. This is the hope that I and other addicts have, that freedom and health are possible. Here. Now.
Christ came to redeem, and we cannot forget that. No matter the struggle, we have worth in and to Christ. Your road to health may be hard, but take my word for it: your experiencing intimacy with the Lord and others, and being who you were created to be, will satisfy your soul. It has mine.
That is God’s design.
That is freedom.
Interested in a list of ministries that help people to overcome porn? Click here.
Want to learn more?
Need a Josh McDowell Ministry speaker at your church? Ben Bennett speaks on living free.
Want research? Josh has compiled decades of research here: The Porn Epidemic.
For highlights of the Set Free Conference, click here.
The post Living in Freedom from Addiction appeared first on Josh.org.
November 21, 2019
Living in Freedom from Addiction
“Freedom is not having the ability to do what you want to do, freedom is having the ability to do what you ought to do.” – Josh D. McDowell
In the midst of addiction, our hope for freedom can be clouded by a loss of control, depression, and isolation. From personal experience, the light at the end of the tunnel becomes more and more dim as failure and shame build. While trapped in my addiction to pornography, I thought for years that freedom was unattainable.
My pride and desire for control lead me to think that I could fix myself. The harsh reality was that I couldn’t. But I sit here today, in this moment, with a new level of health and freedom. How did I finally get here?
Identifying Freedom
First of all, let’s define “freedom,” specific to addiction. About a year and a half ago, when asked to define freedom by a few of the staff here at Josh McDowell Ministry, I thought a moment and replied, “Freedom is not struggling with temptation or sin.”
At the time, I really thought that was the goal I was supposed to be aiming for. It was certainly my personal goal in the first few months of my recovery. But I have come to realize that it’s not the right goal or definition, because it’s completely unrealistic.
Back then I expected that there would be a moment in my recovery where I would experience complete freedom — which would last the rest of my life. I thought freedom meant I would no longer struggle with lust, experience the temptation of sexual sin, or have to deal with the consequences of my sin. Now I understand that complete freedom isn’t possible here on earth, because of our inherent sinful nature. We still sin.
Justification
From my mindset of not struggling, I defined freedom through the lens of justification. Justification is a big theological term that means “to be declared righteous, or to be made right with God.”
Romans 5:18-19 tells us what Christ did for us: “Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for fall men. For as by the one man’s disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man’s obedience the many will be made righteous.”
When Christ died on the cross, He took our sins upon himself. In His resurrection, He conquered that sin. Because of His gift of grace, we believers are justified, or declared righteous, when we surrender our lives to Him. Christ paid the price that we could never pay; we are fully forgiven, if we choose to accept it.
Sanctification
I think a much better definition of freedom is found in terms of sanctification. To be sanctified is “to be brought into the presence of God and to share in the life of His Son through the Holy Spirit.” That sounds intimidating, so let me break it down.
You and I have been brought into God’s presence by Christ’s death and resurrection on the cross. This is called adoption. With this adoption, we gain the gift of the Holy Spirit working in our lives. The Holy Spirit helps us in many ways, including convicting us and leading us toward repentance. When we repent and turn away from our sin, we become more like Christ. So sanctification is our growth toward a life that imitates Christ; a life of holiness.
In the same way, finding freedom is growth toward health. We find freedom in health. 1 Thessalonians 5:23 says, “Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Full freedom isn’t possible because of our sinful nature, but we can gain health.
If we look at Josh’s definition — that “freedom is having the ability to do what you ought to do” — we get a better grasp of how to view freedom. If we are free to do what we ought to do, we remove the barriers that keep us from doing what we ought to do.
Freedom, or health, looks a lot like being connected to the life of God.
Restoration
Christian counselor Michael Dye created an addiction recovery tool called the FASTER Scale. The scale identifies the stages people move through toward relapse, so they can see it coming and get proactive. The FASTER acronym stands for Forgetting Priorities, Anxiety, Speeding Up, Ticked Off, Exhausted, and Relapse.
The FASTER Scale focuses on restoration (accepting life on God’s terms, with trust, vulnerability, and gratitude). If we live in restoration, we live lives saturated with healthy relationships, vulnerability, intimacy, identifying and dealing with emotions, walking with the Spirit, and working through pain. These aspects create health, which produces freedom.
This freedom is based on connection with God and other people. No matter our state of health, we still experience temptation and sin. But if we are living in restoration and connection, our connectedness provides healthy ways of dealing with them.
Often, to gain health or freedom, we must go to what hurt us in the first place: people. We learn to cope as people closest to us hurt us. But this woundedness creates isolation and barriers that keep us from living in intimate connection with God and others. To break down those barriers and return to health, we must learn to trust others and experience the intimacy that God intends us to enjoy.
Can we really gain freedom and health? Yes!
Walking in Freedom
I have been finding freedom and health for the past two years. It is unbelievably fulfilling to walk in health, because it is how God created me to experience life. Has it been hard to find health? Yes, but incredibly worth it.
I found health primarily by returning to my identity in Christ. I had to identify the root of the problem — my belief that I was not enough — and to experience my worth in Christ. I have had to process the pain in my past, and experience who I am in Christ through relationships with others. I have learned how to trust others with my fears.
Freedom is found when we live in health. It is characterized by vulnerability, connected relationships, intimacy, walking with the spirit, identifying and dealing with emotions, working through pain, and experiencing our worth in Christ.
Freedom is returning to our identity in Christ. Freedom is being less bound to the sins that entrap us. It is not always constant; it fluctuates day-to-day as we walk with others and navigate our sin-soaked world. We won’t find full freedom from sin here on earth, but we can find freedom from addiction. This is the hope that I and other addicts have, that freedom and health are possible. Here. Now.
Christ came to redeem, and we cannot forget that. No matter the struggle, we have worth in and to Christ. Your road to health may be hard, but take my word for it: your experiencing intimacy with the Lord and others, and being who you were created to be, will satisfy your soul. It has mine.
That is God’s design.
That is freedom.
The post Living in Freedom from Addiction appeared first on Josh.org.
November 13, 2019
The Porn Epidemic: Problem, Consequence, and Hope
I love hearing the highlights of people’s lives, vacations, weekends, or even workdays. They are insights into people’s unique passions, joys, and personalities. In my two years traveling with Josh McDowell as his assistant, I experienced quite a few highlights. But one event, in particular, still stands out to me: the Set Free Conference. There is an epidemic in the church today, and it all revolves around pornography.
Set Free, an initiative launched by Josh to educate, start conversation, and de-shame porn addiction, focused on a few major themes: What is pornography? What are its associated problems, consequences, and solutions? A global initiative, Set Free Conferences have been held in the U.S., Mexico, Argentina, Uruguay, and Singapore; attendees have heard from top speakers such as Dr. Donald Hilton, Jessica Harris, Ben Bennett, and Josh McDowell.
Why was Set Free the highlight of this two-year period? Because of the needed global conversation about the pornography epidemic — but also because of the response from attendees.
There is nothing like watching this information literally change lives. I’ve watched empowered pastors share excitement and become eager to teach what they’ve learned. I’ve seen moms and dads finally be able to understand their child’s struggle with porn. I’ve seen community leaders get fired up about starting recovery groups. And I’ve seen wounded, broken, humble people openly confess, through pouring tears, the porn addictions that have torn their lives apart.
The first two sections of the Set Free Conference were hard-hitters: the problem of porn, and its consequences. As attendees heard the mind-boggling stats and gut-wrenching repercussions, they were glued to the edge of their seats. As they learned that porn is the number one problem in the Church — globally — their reactions ranged from shock and anger to utter despair.
When we find the courage to talk about that which we deem to be dirty and uncomfortable, shame can be broken, movements can be started, and people can take the initial steps towards freedom.
The Problem of Porn
Our culture is so sexually saturated that porn is now included in top-selling books, advertising, and social media. We don’t even realize how many pornographic images we are exposed to daily, without our even trying to see them.
Christians are just as tempted as non-believers to view porn, which is why pastor Charles R. Swindoll has called pornography the greatest cancer in the history of the Church. As Josh adds, “It’s available, accessible, affordable, anonymous, appealing, aggressive, and addictive.” Porn is affecting the majority of families in every church around the globe. This epidemic is destroying families; it’s now the root cause of 56 percent of divorces.
So what is pornography? A general description is that it’s “that which is designed to arouse or sexually excite.” Porn is not juvenile and harmless, like too many people generally think. It is hardcore, graphic, and disgusting.
Porn addiction is biological, relational, and spiritual. Solutions must address each aspect for us to gain freedom.
Why is it an epidemic? I’ll share my personal experience. As I told readers in my last post, I have battled an addiction to porn that started well before my teens. I know how porn addiction distorts every part of a person’s life. I know the tangible consequences of the degradation of human life. I know the misery of living an isolated and disconnected life, and the hopelessness of addiction.
Mind-Boggling Stats
The reach of the porn industry is mind-boggling. One study found that porn sites receive more regular traffic than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter combined each month. Porn now accounts for a third of all Internet traffic! More than 91 percent of men and 60 percent of women have reported consuming pornography in the past month.
But a lot of those viewers are young people, who got exposed to porn as early as eight years old! It’s just too easy to stumble on it on both cell phones and computers. In sharing my own story of woundedness, addiction, and journey toward freedom at the Set Free Conference, I’ve seen just how many young males — and increasingly young females — are struggling with addiction to porn.
This breaks Josh’s heart; this crippling addiction is not what God intends for us. Josh has spent the past decade researching the problem, consequences, and solutions to pornography. Here are just a few startling statistics:
~ 79 percent of men and 76 percent of women, ages 18-30, view pornography at least once a month.
~ 64 percent of young people, ages 13-24, actively seek out pornography.
~ 57 percent of pastors admit they struggle with porn.
~ 60-72 percent of men and 24-30 percent of women in the Church are sex addicts.
What these stats show is that our society has normalized porn. Research shows that teens and young adults consider failing to recycle more immoral than viewing pornography!
The Consequences of Porn
There’s a reason that sexual immorality is talked about so frequently in the Bible. 1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”
The consequences that pornography yields dismantle a person’s biological, spiritual, and relational self. Biologically, it rewires our brains, creating a lack of control, chemical dependency, and desensitization. Spiritually, it disconnects us from God. Isaiah 59:2 states that our iniquities have caused separation between us and God; that our sins have hidden His face from us. Viewing pornography is rooted in our lust and sexual immorality; it is adultery. It is sin, plain and simple.
In Ephesians 4:17-19, we can read that giving ourselves over to sensuality cuts us off from the life of God. Relationally, pornography causes guilt, shame, and isolation. When we isolate, we cut ourselves off from one of God’s greatest gifts, our brothers and sisters in Christ. One of the consequences of the epidemic of pornography is that it leads to a skewed perspective of how to treat others.
Pornography causes the belief that:~ It’s okay to use, abuse, or mistreat others for self-gratification.
~ It’s okay to view and participate in the use, mistreatment, or abuse of a person.
~ People can treat others with indifference.
~ Pleasure guides principle, meaning sexual passion trumps moral objectives.
Pornography creates:~ A demonstrated lack of empathy toward others.
~ Decreased interest in and/or declining performance in school and extracurricular activities.
~ Sexual aggression, incest, and age-inappropriate relationships.
~ Concentration problems, low motivation, depression, social anxiety, negative self-perceptions, and erectile dysfunction.
Sexual abuse is always a hot topic in the media. But it’s interesting to note how infrequently porn is cited as the source motivating that abuse. Check out the Porn Epidemic’s chapter on sexual harassment to learn more about sexual abuse and its tie to pornography.
Hope
Coming face-to-face with the reality of our sin should lead us not into isolation, but to the feet of our Heavenly Father. The weight of our sin is heavy, too heavy to bear alone. It is so easy to be caught up in the magnitude of this epidemic and lose hope. I have done so many times.
But the truth is, there is hope. 1 Peter 2:24 offers us good news: “He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.”
It is easy to become discouraged in the shadow of a giant, but we can’t forget that we know the end of the story. Christ, the Son of God, took the form of a man to take our sins upon Himself. He died, but triumphantly rose to reunite us with our Heavenly Father. He offers us forgiveness and healing, if we are willing to place our trust and faith in Him. With His help, we can conquer any sin.
Hope motivated all the Set Free attendees who confessed their addiction for the first time. And there is hope in the midst of your child’s addition, your personal addiction, or those of your friends.
Porn is currently an epidemic. But no problem is bigger than God. I have hope in the power of His healing the world. Because I’ve witnessed it and experienced it. Have hope!
Want to learn more?
Need a Josh McDowell Ministry speaker at your church? Ben Bennett speaks on living free.
Want research? Josh has compiled decades of research here: The Porn Epidemic.
Interested in a list of ministries that help people to overcome porn? Click here.
For highlights of the Set Free Conference, click here.
The post The Porn Epidemic: Problem, Consequence, and Hope appeared first on Josh.org.
November 3, 2019
Wounds, Shame, and Isolation: My Story
For two years I traveled with Josh McDowell, helping to wake people up to the fact that pornography has become an epidemic in America — despite the fact that few seem to recognize the problem. But I know first-hand
the devastation it causes, and how easy it is to become addicted and enslaved by shame. Here’s a bit of my story.
I remember the moment like it was yesterday. I walked into the room at our youth group’s winter camp, only to be greeted by the tears of a good friend. It was sixth grade and I was 12 years old. He blurted, “I need to tell you something.” Before I knew it, he was spilling out a story all too familiar to my own: his deep struggle with pornography. I sat, shocked, as guilt and an enormous conviction flooded my soul.
I was first exposed to porn at just nine years old, but curiosity led me to seek it out when I was eleven. That unwise decision birthed an 11-year addiction that devastated that period of my life. For almost a decade, pornography became my source of intimacy, gratification, and acceptance.
When I was lonely, porn was my comfort.
When I felt like a failure, porn gratified.
When I felt like I was worthless, porn gave me a sense of worth.
My desire to be fully known and loved began to be satisfied by this counterfeit source. Porn was an escape into a pleasure-soaked world. I soon became emotionally withdrawn from family and friends, as shame and isolation grew within me.
Hiding My Shame
At church I was the pastor’s son; I looked like I had it all together. I learned all the right answers and how to perform for others’ acceptance. Opportunities arose for me to lead worship, small groups in my youth group, and even speak. Mentors and friends encouraged and complimented me, but their uplifting words filtered through my shame, diving me deeper into desolation.
I lied, ran, and hid in moments of vulnerability. Honestly, my life looked good, but the unrest of my double life tore me apart.
I heard at church and Christian seminars that if I confessed my sin to Jesus, and developed accountability with the boys around me, I would find freedom from my addiction. I tried this for years, confessing my sins over and over again with accountability that failed. This traumatizing cycle of guilt, confession, short periods of change, and relapse continued throughout my addiction.
As I repeatedly failed, the guilt of my failure moved to shame when I viewed myself as the failure.
Rock bottom was a rude awakening in my junior year of college. I had lost hope and was deeply depressed. Failure, worthlessness, and shame consumed my thoughts as I tried to keep my act together. On the morning of March 28, 2017, I finally reached out to the two people that I knew loved and cared about me more than anyone else, my parents.
I called home and confessed. And in that moment I experienced pure grace.
Seeking Freedom
My parents spoke worth into who I was as a child of God — and as their son. That morning launched my process of finding health: cutting the supply of pornography, true repentance, true accountability, and counseling.
Finding healing has been one of the hardest journeys of my life. I struggle to use the term “freedom” because I struggle to believe that we can find true freedom from sin here on earth. That full freedom is what we look forward to when we are reunited with our Creator.
But I can say that I have found a new level of health. This level of health consists of a life of no secrets, intimacy with God, processing emotions, and reaching out in relationships. Do I still watch porn? No. But am I truly free? No. Because porn is not just a problem, it is a medication for an underlying problem.
When I was lonely, porn was my comfort. When I felt like a failure, porn gratified. When I felt like I was not enough, porn gave me a sense of worth.
We all medicate with something when we have desires that go unmet. Instead of healthily going to God and the people around me to be loved and known, fear drove me to a counterfeit. Through counseling, I realized that I was not just dealing with an addiction to pornography, but wounds of my past. Porn addicts are not perverts; they are hurting and looking for love, acceptance, and gratification in the wrong place. As my friend Ben Bennett says, “Unmet desires lead to unwanted behaviors.”
Leaning on Christ
There is much pain in my story. But that pain is nothing compared to the deep love of Christ. I can sit here today with the strong conviction that I am a beloved child of God, with immense worth to my Creator. That is cause to celebrate! Nothing compares to my intimacy with the Lord and the people around me. I hold strong to these two verses that my parents shared with me the morning I confessed my addiction:
John 16:33: “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
Romans 8:1: “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
Pornography is wrecking our nation, our churches, our families, and us as individuals. It is undermining the very groundwork God put in place for people to relate in healthy intimacy. The global stats of this struggle are overwhelming, but there is hope, starting with the Church choosing to deal with this struggle directly.
As the Church, the bride of Christ, let’s start talking. Let’s normalize the topic of sexual addiction, which has been taboo for too long in the Church. Until we are willing to talk about this openly and compassionately, porn addicts like myself will continue to hide in their shame. I ask you: Is it the purpose of the Church to condemn — or to help lead captives to freedom?
I believe Jesus came to show us that it’s the latter.
For more on my story, check out the Long Story Short podcast, where my good friend Alex and I discuss the shame, medication, and breakdown of solutions to pornography.
The post Wounds, Shame, and Isolation: My Story appeared first on Josh.org.
October 28, 2019
To Live Right, Shine the Light on Scripture
“The Bible is old-fashioned! Times have changed!”
Have you heard people express the view that Christians are out-of-date and out-of-step with the real world? That the Bible is just a dusty old book of fables? Instead of letting these claims close us down, let’s use them to start a conversation. As people hand us the opportunity, let us not hesitate to shine the light on the truth of Scripture.
If you’re familiar with the term Apologetics, you know that the word means “sharing what you believe, and why you believe it’s true.” Every Christian needs to know what the Bible says — and why it’s true. Every Christian needs to consistently read the Bible for themselves to gain first-hand knowledge of how God wants us to live, and why. God’s boundaries aren’t designed to keep us from having fun, but to protect us from unnecessary pain and drama.
Shine the Light on Scripture
When we shine the light on Scripture, it’s not you and I who have to carry the burden of proof — it’s God. Scholars continue to uncover “an avalanche,” as Josh puts it, of historical evidence. For more than 50 years, Josh McDowell has focused on teaching and publishing resources that educate Christians on this factual evidence that validates biblical dates and events — and, thus, the teachings of Jesus.
Because they have proven trustworthy, we can also have full confidence that God IS who He says. We don’t have to just “take it on faith.” Josh learned this truth first-hand, when he moved from skeptic to unwavering believer after his intensive research failed to disprove Jesus and Christianity. Josh shared that evidence in his Apologetics classic, Evidence That Demands A Verdict, which he and his son, Sean McDowell, recently expanded.
To watch FREE, short videos of Josh answering basic Apologetics questions such as “Is there such a thing as truth?” and “Is the Bible historically accurate?” scroll to the bottom of this page. You will gain knowledge and confidence to answer skeptics when they ask the same of you. Shine the light on Scripture and watch God show up!
Apologetics: Classical, Relational & Moral Emphasis
Josh McDowell Ministry now focuses on three aspects of Apologetics: classical, relational, and moral. Classical is the authentic historical evidence that validates the Bible. Why add relational?
Josh realized that relationship is critical to our sharing the Good News. Others don’t care what we know, until they first know we care. And they certainly won’t listen if we’re not walking our talk. But Josh also realized that how we view God plays a critical role in how we view ourselves and our purpose in the world. Why add moral?
In his research, Josh has discovered that the number one barrier keeping our young people from trusting God and the Scriptures is their view of morality. Our society presents a model of morality that mocks God’s standard as old-fashioned and limiting. Society encourages us to move outside of God’s healthy boundaries, while it glosses over the possible destructive consequences, such as sexually transmitted diseases.
But even if we do find ourselves suffering these consequences, we find God ever-ready to pick us up to help us live our best life possible! How do we know this truth? By shining the light on Scripture and what its says about God’s love and grace for us.
Influence Youth to Choose God’s Standard
My husband, Alex, and I have three children. It’s been a privilege for us to have conversations with our kids about sex and morality, showing them the beautiful design of the Designer, and explaining why biblical standards have been set in place for their good and flourishing. God doesn’t want to see us used and abused! It breaks His heart.
Unfortunately, we grow up experiencing the brokenness of this world, because it’s all around us. But we can decide to walk in the freedom that comes from knowing and living in the light of Truth. We can discover that only God fully satisfies. Compared to His perfect love, the world’s promises are outed as cheap, momentary thrills that disappoint. That internal “God ache” never goes away because we don’t turn to Him to fill it.
Alex often speaks to huge crowds about their need for Jesus. But you and I can do the same within our small, intimate circles of influence, starting with our children. Our culture follows the tide of public opinion, but we can keep our young people from sinking. As parents, we can use apologetics materials to help anchor the hearts, minds, and souls of our children, so they choose the stability that flows only from the Word of God.
Parents, start the conversation and keep it going. Be ready to show your kids that Christianity has deep and vibrant roots. God is on the move! Take every advantage, in everyday situations and in everyday conversations, to guide your family to the Truth.
To live right, we must shine the light on Scripture.
***Click here to watch Josh’s FREE Apologetics videos.
In our next blog post, let’s look at the epidemic sweeping our nation, both inside and outside of the church: porn addiction.
Catch up: The introductory post to this series.
The post To Live Right, Shine the Light on Scripture appeared first on Josh.org.
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