Laura Roberts's Blog, page 34

Where were you on 9/11?

It’s been 15 years since 9/11 happened. I lived in New York at the time, so I still remember exactly where I was when the towers fell.

I had just graduated from college that May, and was still living in the neighborhood surrounding my alma mater, Fordham University, in The Bronx.

My living situation was a bit precarious. I had told my parents, back in Ohio, that I wanted to stay on in New York and look for a job after graduation, and they had agreed to pay my rent until I found something. It was great having this safety net that could support me while I looked for work, but unfortunately graduating with a philosophy degree meant I didn’t have much hope of finding anything directly related to my studies.

Still, I had hope, and I wasn’t too picky; I knew I could type and fax and file things, so I was looking for an office job that would pay the bills. It wouldn’t be the greatest thing ever, but at least it’d be something. I had recently gone to an interview at a film studio, where I was crossing my fingers that I could score a job as their receptionist – which would at least provide some interesting stories in between answering phones, faxing and filing.

I had also interviewed for a job at the World Trade Center, on the recommendation of a friend who thought I could get a job as an event planner for the New York Society of Security Analysts.

My visitor’s pass from the job interview, on the 44th floor of 1 World Trade Center. I’m still grateful I didn’t get this job!

Back to my living situation. To save money, I’d recently moved out of my basement studio apartment and into an above-ground two-bedroom place with a roommate – a guy who was a friend of a dude that had been in my tae kwon do group at Fordham. My new roommate, let’s call him Ted, had agreed to let a third roommate move into our place, temporarily. This guy didn’t get his own room, but our kitchen was unusually large, so he had cordoned off half the space with a sheet he’d hung from the ceiling, making our place look a bit like an upscale refugee camp.

The new guy, let’s call him Brad, was scheduled to start training for his new job on 9/11. This was the reason for his temporary residence in our kitchen, as the training would take about three months, and then he’d be shipped off to some corporate job. His job could land him anywhere in the world, he told us, so he didn’t want to sign a lease and then have to go to the trouble of subletting his place if he ended up moving to China or France or who knows where else.

Of course, when he got up that day and flipped on the news, he discovered he wouldn’t be starting his job that day after all. Nor any day thereafter.

“Hey, Laura,” Brad called to me.

I was back in bed, after grumpily getting up early to go move my car. New York has “alternate side rules” for street parking, which basically means that every day you can only park on one side of the street, during certain hours of the morning, as they bring the street sweepers by to clean up all the trash. I always seemed to be one of the unfortunate folks who hadn’t scored a spot on the “right” side of the street that day, and so in The Bronx it was considered acceptable for everyone on the “wrong” side to simply double-park their cars next to the cars on the “right” side until the sweepers passed, and then move back to our original spots after the whole procedure was over.

Basically, it was a regular, everyday annoyance. And I was simply irritated that I’d had to get up early, go outside, and move my car. I still didn’t have a job, and since it was September, this meant I only had a few more months to find something – anything – and start paying the rent before my parents would say, “Look, you gave it a shot, now quit wasting our money, come home and get a job here in Ohio.”

I did not want to move back to Ohio.

I hated Ohio. Nothing ever happened there. And their minimum wage was a pathetic $5.15 an hour! In New York I could earn twice that. And living in The Bronx, with two roommates, meant my rent wasn’t completely obscene.

I wanted to live in New York, where I at least had a shot at making it as a writer. Somehow. Someday.

So, I was lying in bed, stewing, wondering if anyone would ever hire me, so I could just feel like a decent member of society, pay my rent, and quit hanging around the apartment on my parents’ dime, feeling like a bum.

“What is it?” I called back, now rather annoyed with my new roommate, who was on his way to a well-paid job. At least his college degree was worth something.

“I think you need to come here and see this,” he replied.

I had no idea what on earth Brad was sure I needed to see. But he was standing there in the living room, iron in his hand, glued to the TV.

I put on my robe and headed out to the living room. He moved the ironing board aside, and we both sat down on the couch.

And then we watched a plane crash into the building where he was supposed to be headed for work.

Both of our mouths fell open.

“Is this for real?” we asked each other.

The news anchors were equally stunned. They were still trying to make sense of what we’d all just seen, when a second plane crashed into the second tower.

It was not an accident, as the anchors had originally posited. It was an act of terrorism. But perpetrated by whom?

We sat there in shock, watching the 24-hour coverage spool out before us. We saw the planes hit the towers, and the towers crumble to the ground, again and again and again.

It was like watching a movie. But it was right there, in Manhattan, just a bridge or tunnel away.

We finally got a call from Ted. He was okay. He worked in the financial district, too, and was trying to get back to the apartment. The whole city was shut down. The subway wasn’t running. The cabs were all full. He was walking, trying to figure out how to get all the way from downtown back to The Bronx, on foot.

He finally got home around 9 o’clock that night. I don’t think any of us had cell phones, at that point. He had called the house as soon as he could, just after it happened. We made space for him on the couch, and we all watched the news coverage together. We switched to The Daily Show at 11 PM, and watched Jon Stewart try to pull it together.

I’m pretty sure we were all crying with him. We just didn’t know what to do.

The anger came later.

But watching Jon Stewart fail to cope, just as we were failing to cope, helped. He told us that the view from his apartment had been the World Trade Center, and now it was gone. But the view now was even better, because now he could see the Statue of Liberty. “You can’t beat that,” he said.

9/11 was a day that everything changed in America. It’s one of those days you will never forget. It’s been compared to our generation’s Pearl Harbor, which is apt. Both were calculated for shock and awe, meant to terrorize us and destroy us with fear.

But you know what? New Yorkers are strong. And we won’t be bullied. And even though our first reaction might be terror, we will always come back stronger, harder, better.

I still believe that, even though I’m no longer living in New York. I’m still a New Yorker, at heart. And the way New Yorkers opened their arms to one another after this attack really restored my faith in humanity. In a city where everyone prides themselves on being tough, no-nonsense go-getters, it brought me to tears, again and again, seeing all the simple acts of kindness around me.

We refused to believe the terrorists had won. And even when the film studio called to say they had decided not to hire anyone, they were taking a hiatus instead, I still kept the faith. I kept on looking for a job in New York, because I wanted to live in a city where the people took care of each other in a crisis like this. Where the fire department was staffed with heroes. Where restaurant owners fed people for free in the days and weeks to come, because they just wanted to be of service.

I finally got hired as a receptionist. It was about a week after the attack. The girl who had held the position before me had freaked out.

She moved back to Ohio.

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How to NOT write a novel in 3 days: #3DNC 2016 wrap-up

So, let’s start with the bad news first: I failed to finish my 3 Day Novel, Manbots Attack!, this year.

Indeed, I only came up with 5,926 total words over three days. 6,789 counting my outline. Pathetic!

On day one, I wrote only 2,687 words.

One day two, I wrote 1,599 more words.

And on day three I wrote 1,640 words.

But I know what I did wrong. And I think I know how to fix it. So let’s dissect the reasons why my robot novel failed to be written in three days.

Reason #1: I didn’t do enough pre-planning

My outline was sketchy, at best. It was a really, really rough draft of an outline, not at all as refined as the one I used during Ninjas of the 512.

It had a huge plot hole in it, right from the start, as I was debating between swapping out the Manbots for something that would be much less fun to write about, in order to make the story seem more “realistic.”

Why would I want the plot of a story about Manbots to be realistic?!

I don’t know, either. Obviously, my idiotic Editor Brain got a hold of the story before I’d even begun and started tampering with the goods.

In addition to my sketchy outline, I hadn’t really done any character sketching. I knew I was going to have a female mad scientist, her horrible (male) boss, and two female coworkers. I also thought she should have a husband who was driving her crazy, but no kids. But I hadn’t even picked a name for her, nor for any of my other main characters. I didn’t know what really made any of them tick. And so when I sat down to write, I wasn’t quite sure where to take them, or where they wanted to go.

Big mistake.

Reason #2: I left the house too much

While leaving the house during the 3 Day Novel Contest is occasionally suggested, I definitely left my keyboard way too much this year. I went to Costco with my husband on Saturday (although I did stay in the car, sketching out my characters), I went to the gym on Sunday (and forgot both my Fitbit and my iPod in the process, so my workout was totally shoddy), and on Monday we went to the grocery store where everybody gave me dirty looks for wearing my “Art Harder, Motherfucker” t-shirt. Whatever, squares. Y’all are just jealous.

Reason #3: Not enough time actually spent writing

I was the Procrastination Champion, playing stupid games on my iPad, checking in on Facebook drama, tweeting nonsense, rearranging my stack of writing t-shirts, Googling crazy shit like how to build an actual robot (like I need this information? I’m writing fiction here!), watching YouTube videos of Simone Giertz‘s crappy robots (man, some of them are really crappy!), wondering how I could acquire a title like “Queen of the Shitty Robots,” watching Skillshare videos by some Eastern European lady who was teaching us how to make vibrabots (i.e. vibrating robots), which she pronounced like “Bieberbots,” cooking breakfast, lunch or dinner…

In short, doing pretty much everything but writing my novel.

Not knowing exactly where my story should be going, I wasted a ton of time trying to figure out what on earth I was doing, as well as outright avoiding the problem, instead of just writing some scenes that might have helped me figure that out.

Not a great plan.

My 3 Day Novel was a bust…

All in all, I screwed up. But I did get a bunch of crazy ideas, and wrote some scenes that may not end up on the cutting room floor when all is said and done.

But I definitely need to write a lot more scenes before this book will be a complete first draft.

And I definitely need a lot more guidance from my outline. I literally wrote “????” for one scene, because I had no clue how I would get from Almost Done in the previous chapter to Actually Done in the final one. I mean, really? Seriously? Come on, Planning Robot, help me out here.

And by “Planning Robot” I mean my brain.

…But I’ll be back!

Although I didn’t manage to complete my novel in one exciting burst of manic energy, I plan to return to it with a better map in hand this November.

As always, I will be participating in National Novel Writing Month (aka NaNoWriMo), and yes, I will be cheating by bringing in some of the scenes I wrote this weekend.

If it gets the book done, it’s worth it.

If not, well, at least I’ll have given the project 30 more days to gel in my mind.

How was your Labor Day weekend?

If you attempted a 3 Day Novel this year, let me know how it went and what your book is about!

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First Lines Friday: Matilda #fridayreads

One of my favorite opening lines from a children’s book – particularly as an adult – is this week’s gem:

“It’s a funny thing about mothers and fathers. Even when their own child is the most disgusting little blister you could ever imagine, they still think that he or she is wonderful.”

In case you couldn’t guess, this one is from British author Roald Dahl, whom you probably know as the author of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. (RIP Gene Wilder, who passed away this week, and was most closely identified with his portrayal of the Willy Wonka in the film version of this classic tale.)

This line, however, is from a book called Matilda, which is about a girl genius.

Obviously, I’m all about the girl geniuses.

And since it is Roald Dahl Month, marking 100 years since the birth of the author himself, I’ve decided to highlight some of my favorite Roald Dahl lines from his various books throughout September.

Matilda is a fitting read for today, as I gear up to write a girl-power novella about a mad scientist and her horde of manbots during this weekend’s 3 Day Novel Contest. The tale of bookish young girl who manages to defeat the evil Headmistress Trunchbull, using not size or strength but her wits (and maybe some magical powers…), is the perfect way to get myself pondering ways to portray good vs. evil and might vs. right.

I will be re-reading it again today, in between brainstorming sessions for my novel, Manbots Attack!

More First Lines

Here are the books previously mentioned in the First Lines Friday series:

1984 by George Orwell
Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
Beautiful Losers by Leonard Cohen

What’s YOUR favorite first line?

Leave a comment below and your favorite first line could be featured in an upcoming Friday post!

Related Posts Life is all about challenges First Lines Friday: 1984 #fridayreads First Lines Friday: Lolita

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August round-up: 365K Club, week 34

Since I actually missed my regular update day last week, I’ve decided to include my numbers for week 34 along with my August round-up for an extra-large installment of the 365K Club word count check-in! Numbers, please…

August 20, Day 233: 900 words

August 21, Day 234: 353 words

August 22, Day 235: 790 words

August 23, Day 236: 925 words

August 24, Day 237: 775 words

August 25, Day 238: 865 words

August 26, Day 239: 868 words

August 27, Day 240: 1,516 words

August 28, Day 241: 1,901 words

August 29, Day 242: 1,773 words

August 30, Day 243: 1,358 words

August 31, Day 244: 1,110 words

That’s a grand total of 5,476 words for week 34; 7,658 words (so far) for week 35; 30,215 total for the month of August; and 180,980 total for the year!

Did I beat last week’s total?

Last week (week 33) I wrote 5,311 words, which means I beat that total by 165 words! I’ve already beaten that this week (week 35), too, so we’ll just have to wait until Saturday to find out by how much.

Badges!

No badges for me this week. Maybe next week!

Goals for next week?

My goals for next week, which are partially my goals for this week (wow, this round-up post is becoming extra confusing, isn’t it?!), are to participate in the 3 Day Novel Contest, and thus finish a new book about robots, which is tentatively titled Manbots Attack! It’ll be a campy sci-fi action/adventure tale, in the vein of Barbarella meets Austin Powers.

It should be lots of fun to write – and if it isn’t, I’m clearly doing something really wrong, and will have to take time out to watch either Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine or Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs, both of which star Vincent Price as the mad scientist Dr. Goldfoot. Here’s a trailer for the latter, which looks quite kooky indeed:

So…

What are YOU up to with your writing this week?

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Top 3 Reasons to Participate in the 3 Day Novel Contest

Are you ready for the 3 Day Novel Contest?

Wait, you meant you haven’t heard of this annual write-a-thon, happening every Labo(u)r Day weekend since 1977?!

Where have you been hiding, honey? It’s only the world’s most notorious writing contest!

I’ve only written an entire book about it…

Pssst! Click to buy for just 99¢ through Sept. 6, using coupon code TY23C.

Okay, so here’s the deal, for those who are still miffed: the goal of the 3 Day Novel Contest is to write an entire book in just three days. You’ve got from midnight on September 3rd to midnight on September 5th (2016 writing dates) to complete the task.

You CAN outline and do any brainstorming and planning and plotting and character sheets and whatever else you do to prep for writing a novel before the contest begins.
You CANNOT have actually started writing the novel before the start date of September 3rd.
You CANNOT pick up a previously scrapped or halfway-written piece and keep writing.
You MUST start and finish your entire novel (or, really, novella) within the three days allotted to the contest.

And, if you officially enter, you’ve got a shot at first prize – which is is publication with Anvil Press.

So, without further ado, here are my Top 3 Reasons to Participate in This Year’s 3 Day Novel Contest…

3 – You don’t have anything better to do than write

Let’s face it: you weren’t going to do anything new or exciting this Labor Day weekend anyway. If you’ve got kids, you’re probably just celebrating the fact that they’re finally going to back to school, and if you don’t, you’re probably just mourning the “official” end of summer.

Obviously, you should be writing instead! Write a whole novel about kids going back to school, or summer’s end, and call it a weekend.

2 – Long weekends are guilt-free writing days

Even though I’m a professional writer, I still occasionally feel guilty about putting my writing time first. When it comes to writing novels, particularly, it can feel awkward to put such a big project – an artistic endeavor from which you may never actually make any money – ahead of paid work.

Long weekends, however, are the perfect excuse to devote all of your quality time to writing. After all, the government has decreed that, by law, there shall be three days in a row devoted to the weekend, and weekends are for guilt-free indulgence in your favorite activities!

So basically, the government is telling you you should be writing.

What do you want, an engraved invitation?

Well, since you asked, here you go:

1 – Your novel needs you!

Who are you to deny your novel life? Only its Creator, I suppose. But haven’t you felt that spark of excitement at the possibility of letting loose? Of simply playing with words for three blissful, uninterrupted days? Your novel is calling to you. It’s saying “write me!”

So, who’s with me?

Will you be writing a novel this weekend?

Mine is going to be about robots with a “Vagenda of Manocide.” My tentative title is Manbots Attack!

I’ll keep you posted about the twists and turns on Twitter, using the hashtag #3DNC.

What are you going to be writing about?

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Top 10 Takeaways: Antoinette Kuritz, Founder of the La Jolla Writer’s Conference

Last night I attended the monthly meeting of the San Diego Writers and Editors Guild. The guest speaker was Antoinette Kuritz, founder of the La Jolla Writer’s Conference. She spoke about a wide variety of subjects related to writing, publishing and marketing, packing in a ton of information in just an hour. Here are my Top 10 Takeaways:

Use both CreateSpace and Ingram Spark when publishing your book in print. CS gets your book on Amazon, and IS gets it into bookstores, where you can then start approaching local stores to do signings.
Define your audience. Who do you see reading your book? Females purchase about 85% of books, including books read by men. Parents are the ones buying YA and children’s books; sell to the mothers, not the kids.
Know the timeline to publication and your role throughout. Know how and when PR and marketing come in, as well as whether or not special sales will play any role (i.e. groups buying your book in bulk at discounted rates). If signing a traditional publishing contract, make sure you get more than 10 copies of your book so you can send them out for reviews. Ask for these up front, and present a detailed marketing plan so you’ll be sure to get as many books as you need.
Write a book proposal – even if you are self-publishing! Would you go into any other business without a plan? No! So write the book proposal, which is your business plan, and then stick to it. Write your bio, which explains why you’re the right person to write this book; research your competition – who writes books like this, how are you the same and different as an author, and how did they become successful?
If you buy media or blogger lists, use them within a week or two at the most, particularly because media outlet staff (especially TV) have high turnover. And understand your potential reach: if a blogger with 100,000 followers reviews your book, about 10,000 of their readers might be interested and read the review, of those maybe 1,000 will go to your website, and if it’s kickass maybe 100 of those will buy the book. Now imagine a blogger with 5 MILLION followers. You’ll sell many more books if you can get this person to review your book.
Your website has to be really good! It’s an investment you have to make – look at other writers who are successful and see what they have that resonates. Definitely have your bio, synopsis of your book(s), and chapters of at least the newest book, if not all of them. If readers get through three chapters of your book, they will very likely buy, so include chapters on your website and have a BUY button right at the end to make it easy for them to do so. Don’t let your website be stagnant, follow the 72 hour rule.
Amazon reviewers are the booksellers of today. If you can get them to review your book, that will help boost your sales. People follow Amazon reviewers they like and trust; aim for the Top Reviewers.
Schedule your writing time, and don’t feel guilty about it. Concentrate on one project at a time, and finish it. If you need help, hire a book coach – you will meet with this person weekly, and have to produce a certain number of pages. If you can’t afford a book coach, join a writer’s group, as you’ll still have to produce a certain number of pages regularly.
Find a conference that works for you. The best conferences focus on the art and craft of writing as well as the business side. Make sure there are successful writers teaching there, that you can meet the agents and editors, and there are classes – not just panel discussions. Read and critique classes with editors and agents are best, as they will get to hear you read aloud from your work, and may request more.
Define your messaging. Think of your book as the hub of a wheel. Think of all the topics you can speak to that even tangentially touch your book – these are the spokes of the wheel. Ultimately, the media doesn’t care about your book. When you’re on TV or the radio, you need to be edutainment: be entertaining and have personality, not just say “you can read more about this in my book!” You can be an expert or authority on whatever your book is about – or on writing and the publishing industry.

I must admit, Antoinette’s speech has given me a lot of ideas, particularly since I’ve been pondering whether or not to attend one of the local writer’s conferences here in San Diego.

The La Jolla Writer’s Conference is coming up in November (it takes place November 11-13, 2016), so I am curious to see who will be on the faculty. At $395 for three days (with options to attend one day only, at various reduced rates), this conference typically appears to be jam-packed with classes and workshops – much different than the overwhelming number of panel discussions offered by other conferences – so it’s on my list. And if all of the speakers in attendance are as knowledgeable and well-spoken as Antoinette, it’d be well worth the price of admission.

What about you?

Have you ever attended a writer’s conference? What did you get out of the experience, and was it worthwhile?

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Letter Writer Extraordinaire: 365K Club, week 33

It’s that time of the week again: time for another 365K Club word count check-in! Numbers, please…

August 13, Day 226: 276 words

August 14, Day 227: 860 words

August 15, Day 228: 860 words

August 16, Day 229: 805 words

August 17, Day 230: 790 words

August 18, Day 231: 820 words

August 19, Day 232: 900 words

That’s a grand total of 5,311 words for the week, 17,081 for the month of August, and 167,846 for the year!

Did I beat last week’s total?

Last week I wrote 7,313 words, which means I missed beating that total by 2,003 words. Gotta catch up next week!

Badges!

No official 365K Club badges this week, although if I gave myself a badge it would be for Letter Writing.

I participated in this year’s TwainFest Letter Writing Booth, as a volunteer with San Diego Writers, Ink. The idea was that kids (or adults) could write a letter, and have it “mailed” to the letter writers, who were hanging out in one of Old Town’s museums. We’d read the letters and reply back in about 15 minutes.

We got some really interesting and funny letters from participants, including one from a kid who had walked into a sign and then directed his correspondence to the sign itself!

I wish I had taken pictures of some of the letters, as they were all really unique. It was also fun (and sometimes challenging) trying to decipher different people’s handwriting.

Goals for next week?

My critique group meets this coming Saturday, so I need to dig up something for the group to pick apart. And there’s a meeting of the San Diego Writers & Editors Guild on Monday night, which is focusing on marketing on a shoestring, so I definitely need to attend that one and take notes. I also recently pitched a couple of workshop ideas to the SDSU Writers’ Conference, so I am waiting to hear back from them. And, finally, I’m finishing up edits on my Careers in Video Games book, so it should be a busy week!

What are you working on this week?

Related Posts Fail Better: 365K Club, week 21 Celebrate Writing: 365K Club, week 26 Good luck charms: 365K Club, week 12

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Top 10 Best Books to Stick It To The Man

BookRiot recently posted a list of 17 Books That Sell Way Too Fast at Used Bookstores, which I found fascinating. In particular, I found it curious that this list did not more closely overlap with another list I’d previously read, which contained the Most Frequently Stolen Books (this isn’t the list I read, but here’s a list of Most Commonly Stolen Books that includes both libraries and bookstores). I seem to recall this latter list included pretty much anything by Jack Kerouac, Charles Bukowski, Hunter S. Thompson, and William Burroughs.

While these Most Stolen authors’ books are clearly coveted for their frank depictions of sex, drugs and life on the road (presumably as a precursor to the rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle), I thought it was odd that there were no female authors on this list.

Therefore, I’ve decided to create my own list of the Top 10 Best Books to Stick It To The Man. You can decide for yourself whether or not to pay for the book or use the ol’ five-finger discount.* After all, why should you pay for a book that the patriarchy doesn’t even want you to know how to read?

ONWARD, LADIES!

10 – The SCUM Manifesto by Valerie Solanas

If you’re gonna start stealing books from bookstores – even evil chain bookstores run by soulless corporations – you’re gonna need Valerie Solanas’s timeless classic, The SCUM Manifesto, which revolves around the fictional (or is it?!) Society for Cutting Up Men. In fact, if you don’t already own this one, I dare you to walk into your nearest B&N and order it from the man at the help desk. If there’s a woman at the help desk, ask if you can speak to one of her male associates, as it’s an urgent matter only a person with a penis is truly equipped to handle. Be sure to give the nice lady a conspiratorial wink so she’ll get that you are totally not questioning her abilities as a bookseller; this is just business.

9 – Steal This Book by Abbie Hoffman

You’d like to think that’s my next suggestion, wouldn’t you? But you’d be wrong, because women don’t just do whatever some damn man’s book title tells them to! Nope, number 9 on my list of recommended book titles to steal is actually The Freedom Outlaw’s Handbook: 179 Things to Do ‘Til the Revolution by Claire Wolfe. Nevermind the fact that there’s a cartoon dude on the cover, this book is chock full of awesome ways to fly under the radar, lie, cheat and steal your way to happiness by gaming the American system. While some of Wolfe’s suggestions skew a bit Apocalypse Cuckoo (stockpiling gold and guns? not voting?), the book’s got plenty of suggestions for sticking it to The Man, just in case you’ve already run through your own checklist.

8 – The Diary of Frida Kahlo by Frida Kahlo

If you don’t already own this book, you’re clearly in need of some art therapy. What’s not to like about Frida, a woman who painted her dreams and sorrows, even while bedridden after a horrific accident? Her beautiful clothing and jewelry distracted the world from her crippled body, but it also represented her resilient artistic spirit, her culture, her refusal to be ignored or diminished as “just” a disabled woman – even as folks tried to push her back into the shadows cast by her famous husband, Diego. Frida was my first artistic hero, introduced by a grumpy middle-school art teacher, and I will love her always, unibrow and all.

7 – Harriet the Spy by Louise Fitzhugh

Spies never get caught. Are you a civilian or a spy? Pay a kid five bucks to steal this one for you so there’s no way to trace the crime back to you, and the kid will still be tried as a juvenile if push comes to shove. Be sure to coach them on denial before you send them in on their dangerous covert mission.

6 – Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott

Want some help with your writing? Want to know more about life? Biggity bam: you need Bird By Bird. Grab it from the shelf of your big-box bookstore and walk out, free as a jaybird.

5 – The Lover by Marguerite Duras

If you haven’t got anything steamy tucked into your purse, you’ll need to nick this quick. Hot enough to set your knickers on fire, forget that boring 50-something nonsense written by an illiterate urchin; this French tale of forbidden love in colonial-era Vietnam is the perfect bit of cross-cultural erotica to include on your To Steal list. For bonus points, read it in its original French, as L’Amant.

4 – The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros

Liberate this Chicago native from the shackles of the shelves! Grab a copy of The House on Mango Street to find out how the mean streets of the Second City’s past compare to their present.

3 – Sky Burial by Xue Xinran

Free Tibet, and free this book from the store if you dare! Xue Xinran’s blend of fiction and nonfiction will have you as lost in the clouds as a Tibetan living at the edge of the world. Learn more about average, everyday Tibetan society – not just His Holiness the Dalai Lama – through the lens of a Chinese reporter gathering this unusual story.

2 – Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson

Raised by obsessively religious adoptive parents, and discovering her sexuality – as well as her love of books – did not match up with the Biblical teachings she was meant to uphold, Jeanette Winterson was always destined to be different. Liberate this lyrical autobiography from the suffocating stacks, and do both literature and lesbians everywhere a favor by reading this fantastic coming-of-age story instead of that boring POS, The Catcher in the Rye. AGAIN.

1 – Cunt by Inga Muscio

Steal it because the cunt must be free. Steal it because the cunt is not for sale. Steal it because the cunt is the work of the goddess. Steal it because you can, because you must. Steal it because Inga would want you to.

If you were to turn to the dark side…

What books would you recommend readers steal read?

*NOTE: This blog obviously does not condone nor recommend stealing books. Any suggestions to the contrary should be considered satire, in the vein of Abie Hoffman’s Steal This Book. Do not try this at home. All other typical conditions and disclaimers apply.

Related Posts A to Z challenge: Inga Muscio A to Z challenge: D is for Duras A to Z challenge: Xue Xinran

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That’s CAPTAIN Roberts, thank you very much: 365K Club, week 32

It’s that time of the week again: time for another 365K Club word count check-in! Numbers, please…

August 6, Day 219: 960 words

August 7, Day 220: 805 words

August 8, Day 221: 915 words

August 9, Day 222: 795 words

August 10, Day 223: 1,025 words

August 11, Day 224: 878 words

August 12, Day 225: 760 words

That’s a grand total of 6,138 words for the week, 10,590 for the month of August, and 161,355 for the year!

Did I beat last week’s total?

Last week I wrote 6,528 words, which means I missed beating that total by 391 words. Close, but no cigar.

Badges!

This week I received the “Imagination Station” badge for describing my work station.

I also discovered that I had received the Captain badge for July – for writing every day for 3 months in a row!

Goals for next week?

It feels like this week really flew by, without much writing progress for me. So next week I plan to step up my game, writing twice a day (in the mornings and the evenings), in order to up my productivity.

On the other hand, I also received word that my excerpt from NaNoWriMo: A Cheater’s Guide, entitled “Win, Lose, or 3 Day Novel,” will be included in this year’s SDW/EG anthology, The Guilded Pen! That’s a big motivating factor for continuing to submit work to different anthologies, and has reminded me to check Duotrope and some of the Facebook groups I belong to, in search of other anthologies seeking submissions.

What are your writing goals for the week?

Related Posts Fail Better: 365K Club, week 21 Good luck charms: 365K Club, week 12 DISARM: 365K Club, week 24

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Top 10 Ways Writers Can Sneak in a Workout

My husband and I haven’t been super happy with our local gym, so recently we made the decision to drop our membership and sign up elsewhere. We had tried out the Aztec Recreation Center at SDSU on a free week-long trial membership, back when we first moved to San Diego, and thought their facilities were really great, so we finally made the switch.

Why didn’t we do this sooner?

The ARC is a huge improvement over our former gym membership, and costs about the same, too. Now, instead of just getting access to cardio and weight machines plus free weights for our monthly fee, we also get access to all of the following:

Indoor courts for volleyball, basketball and soccer
Climbing wall
Group fitness classes (yes, they’re included with your membership!) like spinning, yoga, Pilates, Zumba and barre workouts
Tennis and racquetball courts
Track and field privileges
Bowling lanes (I am super excited for this, as a bowling nerd with her own ball and shoes)
Aztec Aquaplex (pool) passes
Watersport recreation classes for just $5 (including stand-up paddleboarding, kayaking, wakeboarding and surfing lessons)

And you can also join recreational sports leagues and check out various equipment like kettlebells, jump ropes and weight belts, too!

How cool is that?

Needless to say, I’m super excited about all of these new athletic possibilities. Not only am I no longer crammed into the tiny space my previous gym had allotted for cardio machines (seriously, there were only three elliptical machines, and if anyone else was using one, you’d basically be touching them while working out – EW!), but there are plenty of different types to choose from. They’ve got upright and recumbent stationary bikes, ellipticals, treadmills, stairmasters, and one that mimics cross-country skiing (I’m not sure what it’s called, but I am a huge fan of this one).

Speaking of huge fans, the ARC also has huge fans circulating the air, which is way better than our previous gym, where they kept the AC at 76 degrees and it felt more like 80 because of the lack of circulation.

All in all, I’m super pumped by my new gym membership, so I thought I’d write up a quick list of 10 ways that we writers can sneak in some exercise, in between pumping out those words.

10 – Stretch it out

Health and fitness experts say that every hour you should stand up, step away from the desk and stretch. They advise that “sitting is the new smoking,” because our sedentary lifestyles will cut years off our lives. Fight back by doing some shoulder and neck rolls, arm and leg stretches, and walking around your home office a bit every hour or so.

9 – Bust a move

Ever hear of a Flash Dance Party? Combining elements of the “flash mob,” where people seemingly randomly (but actually planned beforehand) converge on a specific spot for a quick, predetermined action (usually something weird or eye-catching), and a fun dance party, the Flash Dance Party is a chance for you to bust a move to your favorite tunes. Check out The Fitness Marshall’s YouTube channel for some inspiration – and some cool new moves!

8 – Stand and deliver

Standing desks! How crazy is this concept? Pretty crazy. But at the same time, why do we really need to sit down to work on a computer? Why not switch it up every now and then by bringing your laptop over to a kitchen counter and typing away while you’re standing up instead of sitting on your fanny?

7 – Go chase Pokémon

The latest video game craze is actually… good for you? That’s right: all the kids out chasing Pokémon on the new Pokémon Go app are actually getting their exercise by playing this game. Check out a blog post by my fitness trainer friend, Linda, over at Grab My Wrist to learn more!

6 – Walk and talk

The treadmill desk is a great way to sneak in a workout while you work. Okay, to be fair, this one requires a bit of equipment. Specifically: A treadmill. But since everybody seems to have inherited one or been gifted one after a New Year’s Resolution to lose weight, I bet you can find one pretty cheap. Then, just strap a board across the top, set up your laptop, and start walking. (Or read these instructions for how to make a treadmill desk for under $20.)

Alternately, if you’re treadmill-free, here’s another option: just go for a walk while you’re on your phone meetings. Use a hands-free headset to your advantage, so you can walk and talk.

Or, for the truly brave, just stake out that treadmill at the gym and set up shop until the management kicks you out for hogging their equipment.

“walking desk” via Flickr user Casey Bisson

5 – Skip rope

For $5 you can buy a jump rope at your local drugstore. (Trust me, I did it.) Or you can buy a fancy one on Amazon that will never get tangled. Either way, jumping rope is something you can do almost anywhere, without a lot of equipment, and it’s great cardio. So hop to it!

“Jumpin’ rope on I-80” via Flickr user Tom Kelly

4 – Take a hike

Get out of the house and go for a walk! A 30-minute walk burns anywhere from 80 to 300 calories, depending on how quickly you haul that butt (and how much junk you’ve got in the trunk).

3 – Personalize your training

Need a little extra motivation? Maybe some personal assistance? Download the FitStar app and see how their personal trainer-in-your-pocket can help get you moving. And, at $39.99 a year (or $7.99 a month), this app is way cheaper than joining a gym! (Works on both iPhone and iPad – and you can even stream the workouts on your TV via AirPlay.)

2 – Breathe deep

Not into heavy cardio? Give the FitStar Yoga app a whirl, and feel the burn. At the same low price as the original FitStar app, you’ll get unlimited yoga workouts, tailored to your needs – so you’ll never get bored!

1 – Pick a workout – ANY workout!

The best workout is, ultimately, the one that you’re willing to stick with. So here’s a list of the 50 Best Free Workout Resources You Can Find Online, from the Huffington Post, to give you a wide variety of choices.

Whatever you choose to try, just keep moving! I’ve got a Fitbit wristband that keeps track of my fitness levels throughout the day, and I try to remember to record my gym visits as well so I can see how I’m doing on a weekly basis. They’ll send you free weekly reports, and you can track everything from your sleep cycles to the amount of food and water you’re ingesting. While I’m not always as active as I’d like to be, I also know I’ve got plenty of tools to keep myself on track, and I try to use as many as I can.

So, what’s your favorite workout?

Related Posts Wherein I reveal all of the secrets of my writing process Top 10 Ways to Celebrate Reaching Your Goals Top 5 places for reading and writing in San Diego

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