Maya Hu-Chan's Blog, page 10

Saving Face: Building Good Relationships at Work and In Life

In this webinar replay hosted by A Small World, we talked about Saving Face and building good relationships. This is an interactive webinar, with the first 45 minutes of presentation and the last 15 minutes dedicated to questions from the audience.

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The Basic Human Need Some Companies Fail to Meet

Mutual respect can help you build an engaged, committed workforce. Here are four ways to do that.

One of my clients, let’s call her “Sarah,” recently walked away from the best job she’s ever had.

Sarah was a senior manager for a global company. She had been with the company for six years. She moved across the country for the opportunity, and, for five years, loved the job. Her boss gave her complete autonomy, checking in regularly but trusting her to run the show. She did the same with her team. She was one of the most high-performing executives in the company and her team was one of the most high-performing, too.

Everything changed when the company reorganized and moved her boss to a different department. Sarah’s new boss was an external hire with a background in a completely different field. He micromanaged Sarah, not trusting her decades of experience. He often went over her head to deliver directives directly to her team, and would often change many of her decisions without her knowledge. If she objected, he would assert his authority by responding with, “I’m your superior.” At one point, Sarah developed a new digital marketing initiative and her boss presented it to the CEO, taking all the credit.

It became too much. Despite feeling loyal to the company, her team, and the work — and despite being compensated well — Sarah resigned. She felt disrespected.

Respect is an often overlooked, yet crucial, workplace dynamic. The yearning to feel respected at work is universal: According to a Georgetown University study of 20,000 workers around the world, respect is ranked as the number one leadership behavior. When workers don’t feel respected, they disengage, de-commit, and, like Sarah, leave.

New research by The Center for Respectful Leadership, in partnership with The Respect Project Latin America, explores the ways respect and disrespect are expressed in the workplace and the impact of both on worker engagement. Among its most important findings: Most employees cannot commit to a person, team, or organization that they disrespect. In Sarah’s case, she not only felt personally disrespected; she lost respect for her manager, too.
The research also keys in on four ways that organizations can build a committed and engaged workforce through respect.

Interpersonal Respect
On a day-to-day, interpersonal relationship level, employees must be treated with fairness and dignity to feel respected. This includes a complete avoidance of what the research calls “physical and emotional violence” from manager to employee, which can include anything from blatant acts of bodily harm to microaggressions. This dimension ranked most important to workers.

In Sarah’s case, her dignity was harmed each time her manager reversed her decisions, questioned her abilities, and undermined her authority with her own team. Sarah described her workplace as a “toxic environment,” which points to elements of emotional violence.

Informational respect
Workers feel respected when communication from leadership is adequate, timely, and truthful, the research found. Information that is inaccurate, false, or perceived as deceptive leads to feelings of disrespect. This applies to information delivered from direct managers and from the organization as a whole. Again, if workers feel they can’t respect the organization they work for, they have a difficult time staying on board.

Procedural Respect
On an organizational level, workers must feel that employee-related procedures, such as working hours and performance review processes, are designed and executed fairly. They must also feel that their company is transparent about these processes.

In Sarah’s case, the decision-making at her company had started to become opaque. She was being shut out of processes that she used to be included in, and her manager was not being transparent.

Distributive Disrespect
The research found this point to be second-most important to workers, behind interpersonal respect. Employees must feel that the distribution of resources, which includes pay and benefits, is fair.

This does not mean that compensation supersedes all other expressions of respect. In Sarah’s case, she felt she was compensated fairly. But it wasn’t enough to keep her in a position where her dignity suffered — and where she felt she could not respect her manager.

Sarah’s situation was a lose-lose for all parties. She lost a job and a team she loved. Her team lost a manager that supported them and guided them to do their best work. The company lost someone with decades of expertise, someone who was passionate, high-performing, and well-regarded in her field and industry.

When Sarah delivered her resignation, her manager and the CEO were both surprised. They said they thought she was happy in her position.

“I love the company,” Sarah replied, “but I cannot work with someone who I disrespect and disrespects me.”

Workers must feel respected — and respect who they work for. Make sure to keep these dimensions of respect as your north star: interpersonal respect, informational respect, procedural respect, and distributive respect.

This article was originally posted on Inc.com

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Work From Your Happy Place with Belinda Ellsworth-Podcast Replay

Podcast replay with Bellinda Elsworth on “Work From Your Happy Place.”

In this replay we discuss what it takes to become successful in your chosen field. How to stay focused and bring balance to your work and personal life.

How you measure success is not just your bank account or your job title, it has to do with the kind of relationships you are building.

Listen to the replay below.

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Leading with Dignity and Trust with Maya Hu-Chan-Podcast

Podcast replay on the Drop In CEO where I reveal the importance of granting dignity to one another in the workplace and how leaders can strengthen relationships with team members through listening and support. Listen in as Deborah and me discuss how team members “lose face” in everyday interactions with leaders, how to rebuild trust after a negative interaction, and the difference between self-promotion and adding value to a situation.

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GRACE under pressure: John Baldoni with Maya Hu-Chan

In this video replay, I discuss how leaders demonstrate respect and compassion toward others as a means of reinforcing the dignity each employee deserves.

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Leading with Dignity and Trust

In this video replay on the Drop-In CEO podcast, I reveal the importance of granting dignity to one another in the workplace and how leaders can strengthen relationships with team members through listening and support.

The post Leading with Dignity and Trust appeared first on Maya Hu-Chan.

How to Apply Emotional Intelligence to Your Leadership

If you want strong business relationships, you have to start thinking emotionally. Here’s how to start.

When it comes to building strong, lasting relationships with clients and team members, it’s time to start thinking like CEOs but under a different definition: Chief Emotional Officers.

We business leaders are often trained to focus on data, numbers, and “hard skills.” As leaders, we must equally engage our other skill sets, to focus on the skills of emotional sensitivity and empathy. It’s these “soft skills” that are crucial to cultivating psychological safety — the sense of trust and well-being that helps teams thrive.

These skills can’t run on autopilot. They require self-awareness and intentionality.

I’ve developed a model that can help leaders build these skills: the AAA Model for Cultural Agility. It consists of three steps: aware, acquire, and adapt.

Aware. Reflect on your own state of mind, biases, and assumptions.
Acquire. Ask questions. Explore and engage with others. The information you gather should help you to understand where others are coming from.
Adapt.Bridge the difference by adapting new behaviors and mindset.

Here are two situations that called for emotional sensitivity, and how the AAA model helped these leaders achieve it.

A surprising comment

I recently worked with an executive team of people from six countries, including a new member, Amy. When the team met for dinner, Amy, who is Asian, commented on the appearance of Bob, who is American. “You are gaining weight,” she noted, later adding, “You are old.”

Bob responded with humor, asking, “Are you calling me old and fat?” But the rest of the team was uncomfortable.

When I began coaching the team on a variety of cross-cultural issues, this event came up. Together, we applied the AAA model.

First, what are the assumptions in play? In Western culture, it’s considered disrespectful, rude, and insulting to comment on someone’s age or appearance.

Second, what information can be acquired to help us understand the situation more deeply? At the time, no one asked Amy why she made those comments. They assumed she was rude and insensitive, but didn’t seek to understand her frame of reference.

She explained, “In Asian culture, we respect seniority. We believe that when you get older, you are wiser. When you compliment someone more senior, it is a sign of respect and admiration. That’s the reason I said he’s old — because he’s a wise leader.”

In regards to the comment about weight, she said, “When we say someone is gaining weight, we mean they look healthy. It’s a way to say, ‘I noticed you are eating well and sleeping well. I care about you and I am paying attention.'” The team now understood she was coming from a place of positivity and good intentions.

Finally, the team adapted. The Western members became more aware of the cultural differences in their team and no longer rushed to make assumptions. Amy, aware of the possibility for different cultural interpretations, realized she must adapt her behavior in global environments.

By going through this exercise, the team raised awareness, acquired new knowledge, and very quickly adapted their behaviors, resulting in fewer misunderstandings — and many good laughs.

An accidental interruption

In this example, I adapted the AAA model to understand and repair a misunderstanding.

While leading a seminar for a multinational company, I asked the group a question and called on a manager, who was Korean, to answer. He spoke for a minute or two. When he paused for a few seconds, I assumed he had finished and moved on to the next person.

I was wrong. During the break, another participant approached me and told me that the manager was furious that I had cut him off. He was so angry he was leaving the seminar.

I used the AAA model to work through the situation.

First, I questioned my awareness. After years of living and working in the U.S., I was accustomed to people speaking quickly, with few pauses. My assumption was that the manager was done speaking, but that assumption was wrong. I simply had very little awareness.

The other participant helped me acquire information about the manager’s perspective, but I went directly to him for more. His face reddening, he told me that my insensitive interruption was a gesture of disrespect that caused him to lose face.

I told him I understood why he felt that way, and that I deeply regretted offending him. I vowed to never repeat my mistake and asked him to please stay and continue to contribute to the seminar. He agreed.

I adapted my behavior, waiting patiently through his — and others’ — pauses in conversation. He turned out to be an enthusiastic contributor for the rest of the conference, and, in the end, gave the event an excellent evaluation.

We can all be Chief Emotional Officers. It just takes daily intention and practice. Remember “AAA” — aware, acquire, adapt — and the title can be yours.

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Loneliness is an Epidemic. Here’s How to Fight it

The life of an entrepreneur and solopreneur can feel isolating. Here are four strategies to help.

Twenty years ago, I found a group that would become my professional family.

Entrepreneurs and solopreneurs face a unique challenge. Without the built-in relationships with colleagues we’d have as workers in large companies, we are usually on our own. This professional independence might attract us to this career, but it can lead to loneliness.

After experiencing that loneliness for myself, I joined the Alexcel Group, a network of seasoned executive coaches and leadership consultants from around the world. Because we are a global group, we’ve been operating in “pandemic conditions” for our entire 20 years. We keep in touch through regular emails, text messages, phone calls, and organized video conferences. Usually, we meet in person for three days, twice a year. This year, we held an online version of our gathering and found as much community, support, and friendship as we do in person.

Loneliness among American adults is a growing problem. Vivek Murthy, former U.S. Surgeon General, has called it a “health epidemic.” Rates of loneliness have doubled since the 1980s, with 40 percent of adults reporting feeling lonely, according to a 2010 AARP survey. According to the U.S. Health Resources and Services Administration, loneliness, and social isolation are damaging to health — as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

The good news is the opposite is true. Having strong, fulfilling relationships improves health — even longevity. According to a Danish study, people who reported playing team sports like tennis, racketball, and soccer lived longer than not only those who are sedentary but also those who engage in solitary sports like running or swimming. Researchers believe the social benefits of team sports augment the physical benefits of exercise.

Finding community can be challenging for entrepreneurs, especially in this era of social distancing. But we should start by reframing that term and thinking of it instead as physical distancing with social connections.

These four strategies may help you discover new social connections and nurture your existing ones.

Build the triangle of friendship

Shasta Nelson, author of The Business of Friendship, teaches that relationships exist on a triangle, the sides corresponding to consistency, positivity, and vulnerability. Each quality fortifies the other, and the strongest relationships build incrementally over time. Vulnerability helps us move beyond superficial interactions. Consistency build trust. Positivity engenders good feelings for both parties. Focus on these attributes when engaging with colleagues. Tune out distractions so you can be present, in the moment, and able to connect.

Be the connector

Take the initiative to connect people who may benefit from knowing each other. Make an e-introduction, start a social media group, expand your network, and help others expand theirs, too. Over the years, I have gotten to know many wonderful people through mutual friends and colleagues. Connecting people is like gift-giving. It builds goodwill and deepens your relationships with both parties. You send the message, “I am thinking of you. May this connection lead to potential opportunity and positive synergy for you.”

Create “water cooler” moments

I recently worked with a leader who schedules a weekly “water cooler” Zoom sessions. Anyone on the team can stop by to talk about anything but work — just like we’d do in the office at the real-life water cooler. As most of us have become remote workers, we’ve lost the opportunity for those small, daily moments of connection that build relationships. We must be creative and find ways to replicate them.

Embrace physical distancing without sacrificing social connection

It’s easy to neglect friendships when faced with packed workdays and a dramatic disruption to the ways we usually gather. But we can find ways to connect safely. Take a physically distanced walk with a friend. Schedule a tennis session. Send a mid-day, just-checking-in text — and let it turn into a phone call. These small moments brighten our days, keep us connected, and boost our mental health.

One of the qualities I love most about The Alexcel Group is our ability to be vulnerable with one another. If one of us is facing a professional or personal challenge, we often turn to the group for help. The group leaps to the chance to offer support. The decision I made 20 years ago to join this group has given me not only a professional community but lifelong friends.

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Microaggressions Led Me to Change My Name

Subtle acts of exclusion can make work a difficult place for BIPOC. Here’s how to help change that.

My Chinese name is Men-Jyung Hu.

During my first year of graduate school at the University of Pennsylvania, my professors and classmates rarely called me by my name. I soon discovered most people were uncomfortable saying my and didn’t bother to learn how to pronounce it. I was addressed as “Hey” or nothing at all.

As a result, I was not included in study groups or classroom discussions. I felt invisible, excluded, and marginalized, like an outsider.

My story is an example of the effects of microaggressions — subtle acts of exclusion that demean, belittle, and reinforce an insider/outsider dynamic. I already felt like an outsider as a Taiwanese student in an American school. My classmates and professors made the dynamic an emotional as much as a physical one, cutting me off from access to the group.

Workers who are BIPOC — black, indigenous, and people of color — are likely to experience microaggressions.

“Just being BIPOC, showing up is incredibly stressful,” explains Tiffany Jana, author of Subtle Acts of Exclusion: How to Understand, Identify and Stop Microaggressions. “In so many ways people are directing bias toward you, often unintentionally.”

This harms not only workers but companies as well. Research by McKinsey found when people don’t feel respected and included at work, they decreased their time spent there (47 percent), admitted their performance declined (66 percent), and were less committed to the organization (78 percent).

As a leader, what can you do to help mitigate the harmful effects of microaggressions?

The AAA model (awareness, acquire, and adapt) that I detail in my book, Saving Face: How to Preserve Dignity and Build Trust, serves as a roadmap, helping all parties save face when microaggressions happen.

Awareness

Microaggressions may be perceived as harmless by the person who commits them. A comment about a black worker’s hairstyle or an Asian colleague’s accent, or an assumption that a Latinx worker can easily translate something into Spanish — these may seem minor in scope, but their negative effects compound over time.

For this first step, reflect on your culture and values and how they shape your assumptions, thoughts, and behaviors. Be aware of your biases, knowing many are unconscious. Accept your actions have impact, even if your intent was not to do harm.

“When a person engages in subtle acts of exclusion, they tend to immediately default to their intent — ‘That’s not my intention’ — without considering the impact,” Jana says. “The initiator of the subtle act of exclusion must be willing to have some humility to believe BIPOC are suffering from the experience. Acknowledge that ‘I caused harm, even if I didn’t mean to.'”

Acquire

Seek the understanding needed to make a change. Withhold judgment and cultivate a learning mindset. Accept the reality of BIPOC colleagues’ experiences — even if what they say is difficult to hear.

Empathy is crucial.

“Display empathy to acknowledge they are hurt. The psychological cut has the same impact on the brain as a physical cut,” Jana says.

Adapt

Finally, adapt to new behaviors. Embrace being an ally — someone who acts courageously to support others.

Do you notice some team members tend to interrupt their BIPOC colleagues? Act as a “bias interrupter” and speak up. “Tim, I think Jane was trying to make a point. I would love to hear her thoughts.”

We often miss microaggressions in the moment. Our fight-or-flight reactions make us too stunned to act, or we don’t realize what happened until we later reflect and process. Being an ally means checking in after the fact, validating the experience, and offering support.

Help others adapt to their behaviors. Have a conversation with the person who initiated the microaggression. Establish a culture that acknowledges that though we all make mistakes, we are accountable to learn from them.

“Don’t call people out, call them in,” Jana says. “Educate the initiator so they won’t keep doing it. Help them see the impact.”

The least helpful action is none at all. When it comes to racism and acts of exclusion, inaction can be interpreted as endorsement

After my first year in grad school, I decided to get a new name.

I asked a classmate for help. He suggested Maya — short, easy to say, and easy to remember. After adopting the new name, people started to acknowledge my existence and engage with me.

I am glad I adopted the name Maya, which means “Life is a dream.” However, I still keep Men-Jyung as my middle name. I appreciate it when people learn my Chinese name and honor my heritage.

Article originally posted on

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Coaching in the Workplace Conference Interview Replay

In this video replay, I speak to the concept of Saving Face. I also explain FACE and what it is. As a leader, you need to tune into people’s emotions so they feel respected and appreciated. At the end of the day, everyone benefits. And it has to start with the leaders.

So, how can leaders create psychological safety?

1. Lead by example.

2. Get everyone involved.

3. Master the art of Honoring and Saving Face.

As a leader, you need to tune into people’s emotions so they feel respected and appreciated. At the end of the day, everyone benefits. And it has to start with the leaders.

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