Ad Hudler's Blog, page 35

Christmas Conundrum on Coconut Drive

Okay, so everything was going well this year at Christmas for the subtropic Hudlers when these two pouty party crashers appeared:


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I asked them their names. "Bobby," they replied, cryptically, with no other details. So I am calling them Bobby I and Bobby II. All I can say is they are very quiet and shallow.

For most of the day Bobby I (Santa hat) was sequestered in my bathroom, and he scared the bejesus out of me when I ran in midday to pee.

As of 9:36 p.m. they both were still here. My daughter ...

A tradition ends

For four generations, the Hudler family has gathered and published the news for the people of Eastern Colorado. My great grandfather and namesake, Adrian Wellington Hudler, first published the Burlington Record, then passed it on to his son, who passed it on to his son, who passed it on to his son.

Well...that last son, my brother, has decided to follow his heart and move to Houston to be with a wonderful woman. And my father decided it was time for him, too, to downshift and step aside. So .....

A Red-Lollipop Day

This hilarious-but-somewhat-creepy tidbit was sent to me from a reader in Georgia, who thought it would be useful to me should I ever write a sequel to my novel, "Southern Living."

"...okay. So, we're at a dinner party last night and one of the guests informs us that a teller at the bank where she works gives out lollipops based upon the cuteness of the child!! Cute children get red, not so cute get yellow. And you really don't want your child to be given a green one."

A clothing conundrum

Time to Christmas shop for my wife. I went out to look for warm pajamas because she is now spending most of each week in much-colder Nashville.

Problem: There are no warm pajamas or nighties that do not look like something a cowboy or fat grandpa would wear to bed.

Seriously. I even looked at Victoria's Secret, where the clerk said, "Oh, she'll look great in these."
And I said, "Those look like a birth-control device to me. They're plaid flannel with buttons."

I'm not asking for lots of bare fles...

Carnage in the garage

One of my favorite novelists also happens to be one of my favorite friends, so when this person (Kristy Kiernan) announced on facebook that she was moving to a new home I offered my back and pickup for help.

One problem: New toolbox on the truck. Limited view while backing up. Yep, you guessed it. After about five trips, we were backing into the garage when we suddenly heard an awful sound ... a crash, actually. Glass breaking, no EXPLODING! The crunch and pop of metal under tires. The moment ...

Cookie Monster

Person from Fort Myers News-Press: Do you want to judge our readers' cookie contest?

Ad: Uh, let me think about this: OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

News-Press: We have 147 entries.


Ad: And I am a very large man with a big stomach and appetite. No problem.



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Ugh.

Commuter's Diary: Post #4576DEd

You know you're flying into Fort Myers, Florida when there is a call for eight wheelchair assists after the plane lands.

You know you're flying OUT of Nashville, Tennessee when a frantic flight attendant is scrambling to find spots for FIVE guitars!

Ho, Ho, Ho ...

All month long, the folks at bookreporter.com are posting authors' memories of giving or receiving a book at Christmas. Be sure to check this out. There's Kate Jacobs on "Alice in Wonderland" and Newt Gingrich on "The River War" and Ad Hudler on ... click here
to find out.

The OTHER Athens ... the one where they say "y'all"

For those of you who don't know this, my wife recently took a new job in Nashville, and I've been up there this weekend to help us find a new spot to live. We have no plans on selling our Florida home on Coconut Drive, where I will base my writing work and stay much of the time. Not sure what I'd do with our special-needs cats, Tomas and Mitchell ... and, well, it IS Florida and a waterfront home at that. And there's this horrible thing called a "bursting of the real-estate bubble" that's occ...

Something I learned: #85856YF

So I learned the other day at a luncheon what a "fluffer" is.
Don't know? Neither did I.
In the words of the woman who told me: "It's the person they bring in on a set of a porn movie to, well, to get the male actor ... prepared."
As in "fluff" him up so he can perform.
And then I had to wonder: In these days of Viagra, is a fluffer even needed?
I mean, with budget cutbacks happening all over the place, wouldn't a fluffer be the first to lose her/his job because she/he is superfluous? A pill is a ...