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A Fort Myers Moment

I'm in the waiting room in the service department at Fort Myers Honda, putting some tires on my daughter's car. I came here at 7:00 a.m. so was thrilled to find a coffee machine in the lobby. Not just any coffee machine, mind you, but one of those fancy gourmet contraptions where you choose your flavor of high-end coffee (in a pouch) and insert it into a machine for a personalized and delicious cuppa Joe.

But this is Fort Myers, land of vein clinics, denture depots and early-bird specials. And...

Fast-food Adventure: Post #744G4

A reinvention gone awry:

Have y'all seen the weird new incarnation of the Big Mac?
Here's what they did. They took a Big Mac, everything except the bread, then chopped it all up into little pieces, and then put it in a wrap. I advise against trying it. It's as if someone popped a whole Big Mac into his mouth, decided he didn't like it, then spit it into a flour napkin. Yeegods, that's exactly what it looks like.

Methinks McDonalds needs some new innovative spirit.

Fast-food Adventure: Post #744G4

A reinvention gone awry:

Have y'all seen the weird new incarnation of the Big Mac?
Here's what they did. They took a Big Mac, everything except the bread, then chopped it all up into little pieces, and then put it in a wrap. I advise against trying it. It's as if someone popped a whole Big Mac into his mouth, decided he didn't like it, then spit it into a flour napkin. Yeegods, that's exactly what it looks like.

Methinks McDonalds needs some new innovative spirit.

Here they come!

My Florida-cracker daughter (cracker is what you call a native Floridian) is coming home from Ohio for spring break this weekend, and she brings with her a vanload of fellow college girls dying for sunshine and nicer weather. It's been pretty cold here -- hell, it's been cold everywhere, hasn't it -- but it looks like things are going to warm up nicely for them.
Oh, and good friends from Kansas are coming as well. Total household tally: 8.

They should roll into town late Saturday, so I've got l...

Mayhem on the patio

I recently was cutting down a small tree on my patio, and at one point I put a saw into my pocket and reached down with both hands to pull out an obstinate root. Suddenly, the root snapped loose, and my hand went flying backward with the force of a 3,650-man army, right onto the saw.

It sliced into my pinky, all the way down to the bone.

I went to the ER to get it fixed, and as the doc sewed me up he asked me what happened. I told him the honest truth.

"You're a writer," he said. "Can't you come...

Chinese secret

So I was showing a new friend around my hometown of Fort Myers today, and I learned a new phrase that you're going to love.

He's white but is married to a Chinese woman, and I noticed he already had the name of the only good Chinese restaurant in town.

"Yeah, it's good," I said, "And it's filled with Chinese, so I know it's good. But let me tell you what: I don't get the same food that they do. Their food always looks better than mine. I mean, I tell them that I want authentic Chinese, the real...

HEALTH WARNING TO MY THONG-WEARING FEMALE READERS

Okay, this is interesting as heck. Might be the most under-reported medical story of the decade.

A very good friend of mine recently got back from her OB-GYN, where she had to be treated for her fifth urinary tract infection in a year.

Finally, her doc got smart and asked her: Do you wear thong underwear?

The answer was yes, and the doctor said, "Aha!"

Apparently thong underwear have created a surge in UTI's! Throughout the course of the day, that stringy bottom goes back and forth down there, li...

Is profanity hereditary?

One of her first spoken words, for example, would get most kids kicked out of pre-school, or at least sent home for the day. My wife had warned me to clean up my mouth around our baby-turning-toddler. "She absorbs everything you're saying," she said. "You need to stop cussing in the car."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah ... sure, Carol, yeah, thanks a lot for your concern. I'll be sure to note this."

And then one day, s...

Is profanity heredity?

One of her first spoken words, for example, would get most kids kicked out of pre-school, or at least sent home for the day. My wife had warned me to clean up my mouth around our baby-turning-toddler. "She absorbs everything you're saying," she said. "You need to stop cussing in the car."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah ... sure, Carol, yeah, thanks a lot for your concern. I'll be sure to note this."

And then one day, s...