Ad Hudler's Blog, page 33
February 7, 2010
Showdown at the supermarket
Ad: Excuse me, ma'am, but you are way over the limit of groceries for the express lane.
Petulant woman: I am not.
Ad: I count ... twenty-something items there. Maybe thirty.
Petulant woman: I'm in a big hurry.
Ad: We're all in a big hurry. You're supposed to reserve this lane for times when you just need to run in and run out and get a few items.
Petulant woman: You're a man. You wouldn't understand.
Ad: On the contrary. I'm a stat-at-home dad and trophy husband. I multi-task just like you to survi...
Petulant woman: I am not.
Ad: I count ... twenty-something items there. Maybe thirty.
Petulant woman: I'm in a big hurry.
Ad: We're all in a big hurry. You're supposed to reserve this lane for times when you just need to run in and run out and get a few items.
Petulant woman: You're a man. You wouldn't understand.
Ad: On the contrary. I'm a stat-at-home dad and trophy husband. I multi-task just like you to survi...
February 5, 2010
Imposter on Coconut Drive
So I leave town for three weeks, and this is what happens:
[image error]Yes, my best friends and neighbors -- we'll call them Betty and Barney because they're very private people -- were so accustomed to me living at their house during happy hour that they made a prop of me, complete with my requisite kerchief, t-shirt, boots and, of course, the Tervis tumbler containing a gin and tonic.
For the record, however, they did get something wrong: I DO wear underwear.
[image error]Yes, my best friends and neighbors -- we'll call them Betty and Barney because they're very private people -- were so accustomed to me living at their house during happy hour that they made a prop of me, complete with my requisite kerchief, t-shirt, boots and, of course, the Tervis tumbler containing a gin and tonic.
For the record, however, they did get something wrong: I DO wear underwear.
February 3, 2010
Secret #756TM3
I was a quasi gigolo for old ladies in Nebraska at one time.
EXPLANATION: I went to the University of Nebraska in Lincoln, where my Great Aunt Flo lived. Occasionally, she would invite me over for dinners with her "lady friends," as she called them. Incidentally, it was Aunt Flo who taught me how to use a corkscrew.
Well, I always had a blast with these ladies ... and they proceeded to ask me to be their escorts at black-tie functions. I really liked them, so I always said yes.
RETROACTIVE GUILT...
EXPLANATION: I went to the University of Nebraska in Lincoln, where my Great Aunt Flo lived. Occasionally, she would invite me over for dinners with her "lady friends," as she called them. Incidentally, it was Aunt Flo who taught me how to use a corkscrew.
Well, I always had a blast with these ladies ... and they proceeded to ask me to be their escorts at black-tie functions. I really liked them, so I always said yes.
RETROACTIVE GUILT...
February 1, 2010
What I'm reading
Just finished a funny memoir by Jenny Gardiner titled, Winging It: A Memoir of Caring for a Vengeful Parrot Who's Determined to Kill Me. Very funny but also a parable in human tolerance and patience. I read an advance copy; the title publishes in March.
NEXT:
-An advance copy of Kristy Kiernan's newest offering, Between Friends, which hits bookstores in April. Though she's one of the funniest people I know, Kristy writes books that seriously explore family relationships better, in my opinion, t...
NEXT:
-An advance copy of Kristy Kiernan's newest offering, Between Friends, which hits bookstores in April. Though she's one of the funniest people I know, Kristy writes books that seriously explore family relationships better, in my opinion, t...
January 30, 2010
Wi-Fi on the road
I don't know if y'all know this, but McDonalds restaurants nationwide have started offering free Wi-Fi, and this makes traveling much easier. I have always used McDonalds for my bathroom breaks, peeing and dashing without buying any of their nasty food. But now it's a twofer: Bladder relief and facebook fix. You know how all McDonalds are designed in that L shape? You just enter in the side door and walk back to the bathrooms, then settle into a booth and log on, out of sight of the counter.
P...
P...
January 26, 2010
Scary Moment in the Men's Room
This just happened in the Columbus airport: I was standing at the urinal, doing my business, when a man walked up to the urinal next to me and, as he unbuckled his pants, asked, "So, are you excited?"
I was just about to tell him "no" when I noticed he had a bluetooth headset on his opposite ear.
Crisis averted.
I was just about to tell him "no" when I noticed he had a bluetooth headset on his opposite ear.
Crisis averted.
January 24, 2010
Dear Oklahoma City Public Works Director ...
I recently spent three days in your city, and while I enjoyed the pigeon museum, the western-wear stores and the barbecue I was bothered by a multitude of things that need addressed:
1. Please fix your roads, and pass this message on to your counterpart at the state level. I have never driven on worse roads anywhere. I repeat: ANYWHERE. Dirt roads in Kansas provide a smoother ride than your freeways.
2. Include in your driver's manual something about MERGING. Never have I encountered so many pe...
1. Please fix your roads, and pass this message on to your counterpart at the state level. I have never driven on worse roads anywhere. I repeat: ANYWHERE. Dirt roads in Kansas provide a smoother ride than your freeways.
2. Include in your driver's manual something about MERGING. Never have I encountered so many pe...
January 22, 2010
Report from Oklahoma City: Pigeon Capital of the World
Now, I can find interesting things just about every place I go, and Oklahoma City is no exception.
After perusing the map, my writer friend and I decided that the World of Wings Pigeon Museum was a definite must-see. Apparently, OKC is the world headquarters and hotbed of homing pigeon activity.
We drove out to a run-down old mansion on the edge of town and helped ourselves into the building, which didn't hold much more than some pigeon cages and a curious collection of porcelain pigeons. Disap...
After perusing the map, my writer friend and I decided that the World of Wings Pigeon Museum was a definite must-see. Apparently, OKC is the world headquarters and hotbed of homing pigeon activity.
We drove out to a run-down old mansion on the edge of town and helped ourselves into the building, which didn't hold much more than some pigeon cages and a curious collection of porcelain pigeons. Disap...
January 20, 2010
January 18, 2010
Girlfriend Weekend: Final Report
The climax of the Pulpwood Queen's Girlfriend Weekend (go to Beautyandthebook.com to find out more about this), was the Great Hair Ball. Theme this year was Wizard of Oz, and you won't believe how much effort went into peoples' costumes. Look at these book clubs from Texas:
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Look closely at the pink ladies: Every character from Wizard of Oz is represented, but in a pink, girly way. And the good witches in white? Aren't they the prettiest things you've ever seen? Those hats are made from...
