Tara Mohr's Blog, page 16

Reinvention

While I’m caring for my new baby, I’m sharing some favorite posts from the past few years. This is one of them – enjoy!   ~ Tara

***

Reinvention

There is always the possibility

of reinvention

sometimes born of longing

sometimes offered faintly,

like birdsong in your ear

sometimes—

born of pain.

Life is long for a reason.

So that every chapter swells

with a new chapter of us,

so there is time to change

the meaning of your name

to everyone around you,

and especially

to you.

When the name that once meant

tired girl comes to mean

she who rose again,

–then

art begins.

I met a woman

whose house burned down

and in the ashes

she found the blaze of her self.

Now it roars

still angry, sometimes uncontrolled,

always a blinding light.

If you see her on the street,

bow to her courage.

Stare back into her flickering animal eyes,

and know, she is fighting a fight.

-Tara Sophia Mohr

 

P.S. If you are thinking of joining us for a course or training program in the coming year, be sure to check out our recent post about what’s coming up in 2017 HERE, so you can plan ahead and sign up to get early information on programs you are interested in.

Writings at Harvard Business Review

Good morning!

Over the past few years, I’ve had the honor of writing some pieces at Harvard Business Review, and today, while I’m busy taking care of a newborn, I thought I’d share a few of those from the archive:

1. If you are managing, mentoring, or parenting someone dealing with a harsh inner critic, check out this article, on Helping an Employee Overcome Their Self-Doubt. It’s about the common mistakes we make when trying to help others become more confident, and what to do instead.

2. For some insight into why so often women don’t go for those leaps, promotions or stretch assignments, check out Why Women Don’t Apply for Jobs Unless They’re 100% Qualified. I did some original research for this article, surveying hundreds of female and male professionals about their thinking around job applications, and discovered that the reasons for the gender disparities aren’t what the experts had previously assumed.

3. For aha moments into how the behaviors you got really good at in school could be getting in the way of your playing big, check out my piece co-written with Whitney Johnson, Women Need to Realize Work Isn’t School. Pair this with my School to Work downloadable guide, here.

4. If you want to listen to something by audio to support your playing bigger, check out my podcast interview on the HBR Idea Cast.

Enjoy!

Tara

P.S. I was so energized by my recent conversation with Peter Bregman on his Bregman Leadership Podcast. When I get to speak with a wholehearted, fully present interviewer who is on their own journey and happy to talk about it, it’s inspiring. And of course, it’s also always so great to hear from men who are really resonating with the Playing Big material! Have a listen ​here. I hope you’ll check out his other episodes, too – lots of great guests.

Expect To Be A Revolutionary

While I’m caring for my new baby, I’m sharing some favorite posts from the past few years. This is one of them – enjoy!   ~ Tara

***

If the angels could have sat you down for a chat when you were on the way in to this life (among some other comments about love, fear, and your glory), they might have said this:

“Now, my dear, a little context: you are entering into a transitional time.

The past: A world led, designed and defined by men.

The future: A world led, designed and defined by women and men.

The present: The transition. Yes, we’ve put you on the transition team.

What’s so tricky to understand, dear one, is that as a woman of this transitional time, what is inside of you will be very different from what is outside of you. What you have to bring into the world will be very different from what you see before you as the status quo of the world. Yet what you have to bring forth is not crazy or wrong. In fact, it’s just what the world needs.

It’s as if the world is all purple and you — and your sisters — are going to bring in the yellow. Or as if it’s blue and you are going to bring in the red.

That means that whether you signed up for it or not, you will be a revolutionary. You will be a revolutionary whether you love that idea or whether you’d prefer to just do your thing quietly – to be a teacher, a nurse, a doctor, a businesswoman, an artist, a mom, a grandmother, a volunteer, an entrepreneur.

You will be a revolutionary because any woman who is being authentic in her work will bring forth ideas and ways of working that run counter to the status quo of her company, industry, community – a status quo defined by masculine values and masculine ways of working.

The angels might have added this: “So if you ever start to doubt or hold back or silence yourself because the questions you have, the ideas in your mind, or the way you work are so different from the status quo, remember that difference is exactly what is meant to be. You are here to bring forth a different way.”

It’s the hard – and thrilling – work you get to do this time around. It’s the “women’s work” of our particular moment in history.

You don’t have do the whole work, but you are asked to do the slice of that work that has been given to you.

Now, before you exclaim that you just don’t know what that slice is, or panic because you don’t have time or bandwidth for anything extra, let’s remember: this isn’t work that takes additional time. This is work about how you live each moment of your life.

And this isn’t work you have to go find or discover. It’s the work that is right in front of you, in the ways you feel called to speak, to act, to reinvent, to heal – in the imperfect, messy situations you find yourself in right now. Your piece of the work is already whispering to you – if not talking to you loudly yet. It’s the ideas in your mind and heart right now.

You are only asked to not stop up those things in you that most want to be expressed. If you let them flow forth, you will have done your revolutionary work, and you will have done it beautifully.

You don’t need to do it alone, though sometimes you might feel like you are alone. You walk on this path with a world of women who are surviving on the rocky ground of this world while also changing it to a richer, healthier soil. If you look for it, you will start to see all around you this shared path of the women in your midst, each working to bring forth a different way to some aspect of the world.

Know this: you are blessed in this work. Every step of the path you walk in this work has been blessed and blessed and blessed again before you traverse it. The angels are giddy, for they love love, and they can see the world that you are enabling to come into being.

Love,

Tara

A thousand times before, reprise

While getting ready to take a break from work as baby #2 comes into the world, I remembered this post I wrote a couple of years ago about baby #1’s arrival and I wanted to share it again, with some updated thoughts …

Love to you,

Tara

***

I have always been afraid of giving birth. I was afraid of it before I became pregnant. I was afraid during my pregnancy. And I was very afraid.

I’ve always thought of myself as someone who was competent in the realms of the mind and the heart but not so competent in the realm of the body. I saw labor as part of that physical realm — the ultimate challenge of corporeal endurance, courage, and acumen, something that other women (athletes, mountain climbers) could cope well with, but not me. I really believed I somehow couldn’t do it.

Over the course of the pregnancy, the fear diminished a little. It got better because I talked about it and listened to friends’ labor stories. I trained in labor breathing techniques and that helped me feel a little more secure.

By the end of my forty-week term, I was less afraid but still afraid, still feeling that labor was something that other women could pull off but that I, for sure, could not.

Needless to say, it’s pretty stressful to get to the end of a pregnancy feeling that way.

I was sitting on my purple yoga mat at the pregnant-lady-yoga-class I’d been attending for months. I had come to have tremendous admiration and respect for the teacher. She was a midwife and had delivered hundreds of babies. She’d raised two of her own. Her pre- and post-natal yoga classes are institutions in San Francisco that sell out with a long waiting list (and people come and stand in line) every week. She’s extremely knowledgeable, caring, super outgoing, and hilarious.

I always got a little flustered and quiet around her because I was so impressed by her and her ease in her own skin.

On this particular day, while we were all in our poses, she stopped by my mat. Quietly she said to me, “Is this your first baby, Tara?”

“Yes,” I said.

“I can’t believe that,” she said. “It just seems like you’ve done this a thousand times before.”

I was immediately blushing, and on cloud nine.

And then I had the graced and blessed thought, “Tara, you can act as if that’s true.”

Suddenly, then and there, I decided I had done labor a thousand times before.

The minute I thought that, I found a part of myself who had done it a thousand times before. It was like she raised her hand and said, “Here I am.”

I can’t tell you what part of me that was. Perhaps it was the part that is connected to every other woman on earth. Perhaps it’s a part of me that is older than my thirty-some years, a part that has, in other times, given birth.

That part was right there to say, “Yes, you have done this before.”

For the next few days, I kept feeling what became a soft, energizing, accessible sense of, “You’ve done labor a thousand times before. This isn’t new to you at all. You aren’t a beginner, you’re old hat at this.”

It was the precise opposite of how I’d ever thought of myself in relationship to labor.

That was my last pre-natal yoga class. Two days later, contractions began. And it turned out, yes, I could do labor, and did. All through the experience, I called on the part of me that had done it many times before.

If there is something in your life you feel lost about – maybe you feel like a novice, or like you have no idea what you are doing, maybe it’s labor or marriage or shepherding a loved one through the end of life, or maybe it’s something in your work or creative life – find the part of yourself that’s done it a thousand times before, the part of you that is bigger than your body and older than your life. If you are looking for a way forward in these challenging political times, remember this is not (in fact) the first time your cells have done what they are now being asked to do.

Sometimes, finding the part of you that has done this a thousand times before is as simple as remembering she is there, calling on her, feeling around inside for her.

When you let her lead, I learned, she’ll take you where you need to go.

Love,

Tara

P.S. If you are thinking of joining us for a course or training program in the coming year, be sure to check out our recent post about what’s coming up in 2017 HERE, so you can plan ahead and sign up to get early information on programs you are interested in.

Taking Inventory

While I’m on maternity leave, I’m sharing some favorite posts from the past few years. This is one of them – enjoy!   ~ Tara

***

You can listen to this post in audio, too. Click the player to download an mp3 file, or you can read below …

I’ve noticed a pattern in my life.

It’s a pattern that occurs around the situations that don’t work out so well.

The things I commit to that end up being a waste of time. The relationships that are in stilted spots. The times I act in ways I am not proud of.

Lately I’ve noticed that most of those situations share a similar backstory. Before the problematic event or the unwanted outcome, I felt subtle feelings of discomfort.

You know when you see something out of the corner of your eye, in your peripheral vision? You see it, but just barely.

The feelings of discomfort that I’m talking about are just like that.

It’s not that they are so mild but more that I just don’t give my attention to them. When they are present, I am sort of aware of them, but just barely. I’m moving fast in other directions, swimming here and there at the surface of the water, as those subtler feelings make the currents below.

That is why – if I don’t want my life to be full of situations not working out so well – I need a space to take inner inventory, to do a scan of what’s present in me. By that I mean both a space in time – time set aside, and an emotional space – either a space of openness to myself, or the listening ears of a friend or coach or therapist. I also mean a physical space – a walk in solitude, or the blank page of a journal, or that friend’s cozy couch.  All three – a space in time, an emotional space, and a physical space – are needed.

In that space, I can become conscious of what’s happening – not just the big events occurring in my life but the things brewing, the things otherwise only in peripheral vision. This is when I can ask the ongoing questions that need asking like, “How am I feeling about what’s happening on my work team?” Or, “What’s up with feelings about my home these days?” Or, “What’s present in my relationship with my partner right now?”

Then I can investigate. What is that low-level stress I am feeling? Or, huh, what’s up with the late night emotional eating of the past few weeks? Or, hmmm, I am really avoiding calling so-and-so back – what’s going on there?

During my regular days there’s lots that grabs center stage: the things on the calendar, the to do list for the week, the conversations of that day. The pureeing, and singing while diapering, and rescuing the lasagna before it’s entirely eaten by the dog.

The things that aren’t quite right but still unfolding their not-quite-rightness? In my regular life, those things simply won’t win the competition for focus.

I need to give them time and space. I need time and space to tune into the subtle stirrings. I discover lots then, things like: “This dynamic isn’t feeling quite right, and I realize I’m bringing a real sense of scarcity to this situation – what’s that about?” Or, “I said x in this situation, but you know? I left out y, and saying y was important.” Or, “I agreed to this, but the truth that is here right now is that I really want to say no.” Or, “I’m losing motivation around this writing project. Hmm. Interesting.”

If we don’t notice what’s present, we can’t take action based on the wisdom of what our inner compass is telling us. We can’t steer well.

So today I invite you to do a check-in with yourself. Notice the subtle stirrings you are feeling in the major areas of your life. As if you are holding up a soft light, explore what’s there, with compassion for yourself.

Love,

Tara

baby is almost here

It’s a magical time, this threshold of welcoming a new human into the world.

I keep trying to grasp it … in a few weeks, a baby will be here. I keep silently working it through, trying to help my mind understand it: this young life that is now stretching and moving inside of me will soon be outside of me, a person – a person!!! – that I will get to look at and meet and hold.

It’s too strange and big of a transition for the mind to grasp, really.

And it’s wonderfully mysterious and baffling and exciting.

Like most second time moms, I possess mostly amnesia about what it was like to care for a newborn. But I can recall attempting to get just a few simple things done each day (such as shower, eat something substantial/warm – not just another granola bar – send that one email …) and often failing to get that simple list done, again and again.

Based on that, I’m going to tentatively guess I won’t be blogging prolifically in the next few months.

Our 2017 Programs

Good morning!

As we enter December, I know many of us are beginning to think about the year that’s gone by and the one ahead.

With that in mind, I want to share with you what’s coming up for our Playing Big training programs in 2017.

The next session of our Playing Big Intensive course will be taking place May – July. This is my core program for women who want to experience more impact and fulfillment in their work and in their lives — and less self-doubt, fear, and holding back! This is an online program so you can participate from anywhere you have an internet connection. Over the past five years, thousands of women around the world have participated and as a result, they are experiencing amazing changes in their lives.

In the Fall, we’ll have the next session of my Playing Big Facilitators Training. This course is for women who want to use the Playing Big model in their own lives and careers AND who also want to bring it into their work mentoring, managing or coaching. You’ll not only go on a personal transformative journey but you’ll also learn a host of tools and practices you can bring to your work supporting others.

The Facilitators Training is for:

   • Coaches and therapists looking to realize their own playing big dreams, and to better empower women in their work

   • Managers seeking advances in their careers who also want to learn powerful tools for managing, supporting, and mentoring

   • Teachers, professors, advisors and administrators who are navigating working in educational settings, helping women students and colleagues achieve their full potential

   • Others whose work involves supporting women or girls, or who would like to take their work in this direction.

If you have interest in learning more about either program (or both — many women have taken both courses and they work great in combination with each other!), click HERE to get on our Advanced Notice list so you’ll receive program details and be the first to know when registration opens.

When you sign up, you’ll also be able to download our 2017 Playing Big Program Guide, with details about our programs. This is a handy document you can share with your organization if you are seeking funding from them. Many of our participants have had great success with having their employers sponsor their participation in our programs. (We know this can be a lengthy process at some companies and institutions, so we wanted to get these supporting materials to you well in advance.)

We hope you’ll join us for a fabulous experience of community, growth and learning in 2017!

Love,

Tara

Last Day to Get Your Signed Holiday Books!

 

* * * * *

Good morning!

Are you still looking for gifts for some of your incredible women friends, family members and colleagues?

We’ve got you covered!

Today is the last day to let us know if you’d like to receive our beautiful, signed bookplates for your Playing Big book gifts this year.

For a reminder of how this works, read below, or click the player to download an mp3 file.

My team and I wanted to make it extra special for you to share Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create and Lead this holiday season.

So, when you order 3 or more copies today, I’ll sign bookplates for your gift recipients! We’ll mail them off to you, and you can personalize them with a note from you.

Your dear ones will receive a *signed* copy of the book and your message in our lovely custom bookplates – just like the one below.

We’re so excited about this!

Here’s what to do to participate:

Step 1: Purchase 3 or more Playing Big copies from wherever you like to buy books, such as Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, or Indiebound.

Step 2. Fill out this form to let us know you’re in!

Step 3. Get your bookplates from us in the mail.

Step 4: Give the dear women in your life a personalized, signed Playing Big book this holiday season!

We are closing this offer TODAY Monday, December 5th, at midnight to ensure all the bookplates get out in time for the holiday, so be sure to place your order right away if you want to join us!

Warmly,

Tara

 

a new favorite question I’m asking myself

You can listen to this post in audio, too. Click the player to download an mp3 file, or you can read below …

Today I  want to share a new question I came across recently. I’ve been asking myself this question at the end of my day fairly regularly, and I always find the answers that it brings up to be surprising and INCREDIBLY helpful.

It’s this:

What is the character trait of mine

that most got in the way of my happiness today?

The first time I asked myself this question, I’d had a rough day. All day long, my inner critic had been chattering in my head about my body’s changes during this pregnancy, and I was feeling overwhelmed by everything on my plate – the list of parenting, work, and pre-new-baby things I wanted to get done.

So, if you had asked me casually about what was bothering me that day, I would have said, 1) stuff around my body and 2) being overwhelmed.

But then I asked myself that question:

What is the character trait of mine

that most got in the way of my happiness today?

And as I reflected, and journaled about it a bit, the answer was clear: it was a lack of self-acceptance, a lack of being okay with where I am right now – in body and in mind and spirit – that had most gotten in the way of my happiness all day.

It was not the changes in my body, or the length of my to-do list. It was the lack of self-acceptance, of reality-acceptance.

And while I had no ability to change how my body has done this pregnancy, and no ability to add more hours in the day (or more stamina to myself) to get through more of that to-do list, this – the lack of acceptance – was an issue I could do something about.

I could see and feel how this lack of acceptance was hurting me, so I couldn’t just do it unconsciously anymore.

I could practice being more compassionate (and more in touch with reality) about where I really was.

I also asked power greater than myself – life, love, light – to grace me with more self-acceptance in the days to come.

All of that created a powerful shift, and more acceptance did come, and more peace and day-to-day happiness with it.

This isn’t about beating ourselves up, or blaming ourselves for everything. It’s about digging beneath the surface to see what in our own approach, belief system or patterns, is contributing to our unhappiness or stuckness. From there we can make change, change that allows us to address both the internal and external aspects of any problem.

So this is the question I offer you, to ask yourself at the close of your day today: What is the character trait of mine that most got in the way of my happiness today?

***

And, the holidays are coming up!

My team and I are so excited to have created something to make it even more special to give the Playing Big book to the dear women in your life this holiday season.

Click HERE to learn about getting your custom, signed bookplates to include with holiday gifts. This is a beautiful way to remind the women in your life of the brilliance you see in them!

Calling All Women in Academia!

If you are a woman working in academia (or have some dear friends or family members who are), this note is for you.

Over the past few years, my team and I have been watching something quite notable happening in our work: tremendous adoption of the Playing Big model among women professors, academic advisors, and university staff and administrators.

These women have shared with us how the Playing Big model has helped them:

   • find their own authentic voice and path in their scholarship

   • take on new leadership roles at their institutions

   • mentor and advise in a much more effective way

   • thrive within what can be the very tough culture of academia

   • navigate decisions about pursing work outside of academia

… and much more!

I’m so thrilled about this. It’s personal for me: my own experiences with higher education gave me tremendous gifts, developing my mind, my knowledge, and my community. But my experiences in higher education also showed me the many ways our university cultures are often still male-dominated, and not at all what they could be as places that truly include women’s voices and ideas.

With all of this in mind, we have created some special offerings for women in academia for 2017 and beyond.

If you work in academia or higher education and are interested in learning more about our Playing Big professional development programs and our special cohort for women in academia, sign up HERE to learn more.

We’ll share with you program details as well as supporting materials you can share with your institution if you’d like to explore having your participation funded by them.

To learn more, sign up for our special Women in Academia Interest list HERE.

Warmly,

Tara & team