Tara Mohr's Blog, page 14

Two ways to view your life

While I’m caring for my new baby, I’m sharing some favorite posts from the past few years. This is one of them – enjoy!   ~ Tara

You can listen to this post in audio, too. Click the player to download an mp3 file, or you can read below …

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What does it mean to live a good life?

A couple of years ago, Jonathan Fields posed that question to me. It’s the very last question he asks his guests on his Good Life Project podcast.

I’d forgotten entirely that he would be asking me that question and I hadn’t given any thought to what my answer would be. So in the moment he asked it, I had to stop and consider, “Hmm, what do I think makes ‘a good life’?”

When I repeated the question back to myself, I heard an answer, fully formed, right away.

But I didn’t want to say it. I knew that the words I’d just heard in my mind weren’t very palatable or understandable.

I wanted my answer to be something like, “A life of loving and being loved,” or “A life of serving others while being true to oneself” — a definition everyone could agree upon and relate to.

I considered giving one of those substitute replies, but of course, I did not.

I said what was in my head.

“A good life is a life in which your soul learns what it came here to learn.”

I know. It’s a bit opaque. It is disturbingly free of words like love or freedom or abundance or fulfillment or pleasure or connection. That’s what’s troubling about it, and what’s radical about it.

A good life is a life in which your soul learns what it came here to learn.

That is the deepest “good life” truth for me; that the real good life goes beyond the personality’s experience of ease and difficulty, wins and losses.

What I want to propose to you today is that there are two rooms in the house of your life, and in each of them a different play goes on.

In one room, there is the play of your ego. In this play there are things you hope for and want, and you celebrate when you get them or worry or complain or try harder when you don’t. There are events you deem positive and events you deem negative, often according to a rather narrow story of what’s supposed to happen, or our collective norms around what good and bad events of life are.

In the other room, it is as if a different set of characters are experiencing the same drama. They experience the same plot events of your life, but these entities experience it through the lens of the soul. In that room, it’s not about things being positive or negative. It’s not about wins or losses. It’s about the lessons being learned. It’s about the core questions being wrestled with. It’s about the polarities (self/other, order/chaos, active/receptive), being danced between, the balancing points between them being sought.

An example from my own life: When I learned that, for some unpredictable logistical reasons, my carefully crafted childcare plan for the coming months was not going to work out, I was upset. I had my vision of what was supposed to be. I had my plan, people! And of course I had my beliefs about why the plan, as it was, was very important for myself and my family.

From my ego’s perspective, I had a problem.

A few days into worrying and complaining and holding this as a problem, I asked myself, “What if I look at this from the soul perspective?”

The ego experience of worry and “I don’t like this!” didn’t go away, but I could see a second view of the situation: that this particular problem was really forcing me deeper into questions of my mother vs. writer identity, of self vs. other, of consistency vs. change – questions my soul was already grappling with and is clearly here to grapple with this lifetime.

Remarkably, when I considered each other person involved in the situation, I could see how for them too, it was providing a kind of intensive curriculum in just the core issues I already knew them to be grappling with in this lifetime.

And when I think of the greatest tragedy in my life – a painful, ongoing issue – from the ego perspective, I’m filled with frustration and pain. When I think about it from the soul perspective, I feel all that it is teaching me about compassion, acceptance and the costs of fear.

When we touch into the soul-room of the house and see the drama being played out there, the oddest thing happens.

We experience the difficult in our lives without the feelings of difficulty, even if just for a moment.

There is a gorgeous neutrality that the soul offers, instead of our comfort and discomfort.  That doesn’t make it all easy and smooth. The soul’s territory is one of wrestling, of layering and layering on experience to turn it into wisdom. That is gritty, rough, dense work.

But asking ourselves to see any situation from the soul’s perspective takes us out of the shallow story of life as a series of triumphs and misfortunes. It takes us into the richly dimensioned helix of experience, through which life teaches us the most important lessons our soul is here to learn.

You know you’ve tapped into the soul perspective when:

    •   you see the connection between the experience and the big questions you have been grappling with for long time

    •   you see the learning and growth purpose of the experience

    •   you feel some distance on the pain and pleasure the experience is bringing you

    •   you feel a sense of mystery, larger picture, and even the sense of being loved through the experience – even if it’s difficult

How to see the experience from the soul perspective? Start by asking the question, “What does this situation look like from the soul perspective?” or “What does this have to do with what my soul is here to learn?” See what comes.

Love,

Tara

 

 

I see so many women getting stuck because of this…

While I’m caring for my new baby, I’m sharing some favorite posts from the past few years. This is one of them – enjoy!  ~ Tara

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You can listen to this post in audio, too. Click the player to download an mp3 file, or you can read below …

I see so many women getting stuck because of this: they are turning to their friends and family for feedback – on their ideas, their projects, their burgeoning dreams.

It’s natural. We’re thinking about something – a potential career change, a business idea, something we’d love to create. And next, some little voice in us wants to know: Is it a good idea? Am I crazy?

So we venture out and we talk to the people closest to us – our friends and family – about what we’re thinking. That part inside of us that wants the bolstering and affirmation says, “So what do you think?”

And then it’s tough because 1) a lot of the time they don’t get it, don’t like it, don’t think the idea is a good idea or 2) even if they do like it, have you noticed how their validation doesn’t really set you free to start taking action? It often leaves you wanting more emotional validation from others.

Here’s what I recommend: Do not go to your family and friends for feedback on whatever new idea/project/career move you are considering. What we get from friends and family is just too layered – full of their love for us, their desire for us to be safe, their own experiences, their own fears. (Are there exceptions to this? Yes, of course! But most of the time, making this shift does help us start moving forward towards our dreams.)

Let dear friends and family play that incredibly powerful role that family and friends can play – in loving you, in cheering you on, in being there to commiserate with you when it’s tough, to laugh about the crazy moments along the way. Go to friends and family for support – not for feedback.

For feedback on whether the career move is viable, whether the potential business has a market, whether that title for your book is as compelling as you think it is – all that kind of stuff – go to the people you want to influence and reach with your work. If the book is for young adult women, ask a few of them what they think of the title. If the potential business would serve busy working families, get their feedback on the concept. Ask recruiters or hiring managers in your desired field about how the career move you want to make could work.

Get feedback from the people you want to influence and serve – only they have the perspective to be able to give you accurate information on the feasibility of your idea.

This means, yes, you may have to do the sometimes difficult thing of asking explicitly for what you want from family and friends. For example – “I’m super excited about this new business idea! I’m going to test it out with potential customers, but what I really would so appreciate is some cheerleading along the way. I’ve never done something like this before and I’m kinda scared!”

This can be a little hard to do at first, but it’s so good to get in the habit of having that conversation with friends, spouses and family members – to tell each other what you are looking for when you bring a topic to them. It’s good for you to get in the habit of asking them, too: “What are you looking for from me right now – advice, my personal opinion, or cheering you on and emotional support?”

Go to family and friends for support. For feedback, go to the people you want to influence and serve through your work.

Love to you,

Tara

 

 

Nurturing Creativity

While I’m caring for my new baby, I’m sharing some favorite posts from the past few years. This is one of them – enjoy!   ~ Tara

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You can listen to this post in audio, too. Click the player to download an mp3 file, or you can read below …

 

There’s a book I read to my son almost everyday for a while – The Construction Crew.

Okay, let me be more honest: most days I read it to him at least five times. If he saw the book lying somewhere in the room, he was excited to read it, right that moment. And then to read it again.

My son has a lot of books about trucks, but this one has long been his favorite. It’s something about the art.

On the last page of the book is a short dedication from the illustrator, Carrie Eko-Burgess.

It says, “For my father, Charles Eko, who told me when I was little to quit tracing and start drawing.”

The first time I read that, in a 5:30 am up-with-the-little-one haze, my heart exploded a little.

“For my father, who told me when I was little to quit tracing and start drawing.” 

What a gift to receive that message from a parent.

What a gift we give when we remind someone that they are ready, and they are enough, to quit tracing, and start drawing.

Where in your life are you tracing, when really, something is within you that wants to draw?

And where are we as a society still tracing something – some older picture that is supposed to show us the right way to do things – when in fact, it’s time to draw something new?

Love to you,

Tara

A little postscript. When I wrote to Carrie to get her permission to use the book cover image in this post, she told me how vividly she can still remember the moment when her father said this to her. She told me movingly, that her dad is even pictured in the book, a member of the construction crew. And oddly enough, we also discovered that the very day she and I had been corresponding, she and my son had serendipitously crossed paths. Of all the places in the world, that day, they both were walking around the very same museum in San Francisco.

 

 

The Quiet Power

While I’m caring for my new baby, I’m sharing some favorite posts from the past few years. This is one of them – enjoy!   ~ Tara

The Quiet Power

I walked backwards, against time

and that’s where I caught the moon,

singing at me.

I steeped downwards, into my seat

and that’s where I caught freedom,

waiting for me, like a lilac.

I ended thought, and I ended story.

I stopped designing, and arguing, and

sculpting a happy life.

I didn’t die. I didn’t turn to dust.

Instead I chopped vegetables,

and made a calm lake in me

where the water was clear and sourced and still.

And when the ones I loved came to it,

I had something to give them, and

it offered them a soft road out of pain.

I became beloved.

And I came to know that this was it.

The quiet power.

I could give something mighty, lasting,

that stopped the wheel of chaos,

by tending to the river inside,

keeping the water rich and deep,

keeping a bench for you to visit.

Love,

Tara

B-School Closes Today – Don’t Miss Out!

Today is the very last day to register for Marie Forleo’s B-School! Registration closes at 6 pm EST / 3 pm PST.

Marie only offers this program once a year, so this is the time to sign up.

As I’ve said before, I’m very, very selective about what I recommend to all of you here. I’m sharing about this course because it made a tremendous difference in my own business and I’ve watched it do the same for many, many others.

B-School is fun and engaging – you will WANT to login each week to learn more and you will feel like it’s an absolute treat. The program’s content is top quality and it’s totally actionable.

A reminder: this program is for people who are already operating their own businesses and those who aspire to do so.

In fact, if you aren’t yet running a business but hope to do so one day, I want to make sure you know that along with the program, you’ll receive Marie’s fabulous Start The Right Business guide. It will help you choose among possible business ideas and directions, and set a solid foundation for your business.

If you want to have a thriving business that you love, one that’s sustainable for your schedule and the many roles you play in your life, this program is for you.

Lastly, B-School is a great way to connect with like-minded people. The real-deal truth is that I met some of my now closest friends through this program after I got together with local women who were part of it. It turned out to be a true magnet for creative, courageous, dynamic women that are now part of my circle.

Now, onto the part of B-School that has to do with our special community. When you sign up for B-School here through my link, you’ll get access to my special bonus sessions for our community – sessions I’ve created and will be teaching just for you. (You can read more about our bonus here.)

I hope you’ll join us!

To join B-School and access your special B-School Bonus Sessions with me:

STEP 1: Enroll in the B-School training through my link here. Registration closes TODAY at 6 pm Eastern.

STEP 2: Sign up to be a part of the special bonus sessions with me here.

If you have any questions, please feel free to email our team at playingbig (at) taramohr (dot) com.

Love,

Tara



I fully believe in the power of this work given my personal experience with the B-School course content and may earn a referral fee if you purchase through my link.

Avoiding What You Most Love

While I’m caring for my new baby, I’m sharing some favorite posts from the past few years. This is one of them – enjoy!    ~ Tara

The lights in the room go down. I’m up on stage. I can’t see many faces or eyes in the audience, but I can feel the crowd, completely. I speak from the heart, and lose my sense of time, of space and of me. Magic happens.

I sit down at the computer to write. I wade through the icky first few moments and eventually, the work draws me in. A couple hours later, I pick up my head, notice the time, and feel completely uplifted by the journey that writing has taken me on.

For me, writing and speaking are the vessels that carry me to that special state called flow, the state when we lose track of time, when we fall into a gorgeous forgetting of ourselves and become completely merged with what we’re doing.

For you, it’s probably some other activities. Maybe running or gardening or counseling or crunching numbers. We’ve all been given a few vessels that take us into that special state called flow.

What I want to talk about today – with great compassion – is why we so often end up not doing the things that bring us into that wonderful state of flow, even though flow brings us so much joy, and so much respite from our day-to-day malaises.

There are the usual reasons: Fear of being bad at the activity. Past wounds from that teacher or supposed mentor who made us feel like we just weren’t cut out to do the thing. Lack of time. Thinking we’re too old or too young, or, or, or…

Yes, all that. But there is a deeper reason we resist and then often simply don’t do the things that bring us into flow.

It’s because flow threatens ego.

The ego is a part of us that sees ourselves as a distinct, separate self. It’s invested in you seeing yourself as a self – you know, the kind with a name, a height, a weight, a resumé or LinkedIn profile, a relationship history, and so on. It generally feels quite threatened (because indeed an alone, separate self is not very safe), and therefore spends most of its energy trying to defend itself or avoid dangers one way or another. It never sees you the other way – a stitch in a wondrous fabric, a ray in a sun, a drop in an ocean. It knows the bounded you, not the connected one.

The ego does not like it when we go into flow state because flow state is about the disappearing of the boundaries of self.

The boundary that disappears for you when you are in flow might be one between you and other human beings.

The boundary that disappears might be the boundary between you and nature, as you hike on a trail or swim in the ocean.

The boundary that disappears might be the boundary between you and your material, as you sand the wood, or move the needle through the yarn, or place the bead on the wire.

The boundary that disappears might be the boundary between you and Inspiration, as something else writes the essay for you, or the right thing to say in the meeting simply comes out of your mouth.

Flow undermines the illusion of the separate self.

Ego doesn’t only feel threatened by failure or emotional exposure. It also feels threatened by anything that helps us transcend our egoic self.

Recently I heard someone say something intriguing: “I’m afraid that if I start meditating more, I’ll somehow lose my edge.”

It’s an interesting phrase, “losing your edge.” Sometimes, those words are used to connote losing a competitive edge. Sometimes, it has to do more with losing a kind of mental sharpness, or hunger for achievement.

I can’t help but think about it differently. When I heard, “If I meditate more, I might lose my edge,” the edge I thought of was the edge of the self.

As much as we individually long to lose our edges, and as much as our world needs us to do so in order that we collaborate to survive, another part of us fears that loss.

So today’s note is, first and foremost, a loving reminder to you that there are things in your life that bring you into flow. Because we forget. Those activities are gifts to you from life and from the divine. They deserve your time, and they will repay you manifold if you give it to them.

Today’s note is also a reminder that you will likely avoid doing those things that bring you into flow, and the reason is that your ego does not want to lose the battle of how you view yourself – small or large, bounded or connected.

And today’s note is an encouragement to find a way to go into flow anyway, to dip into its well, and let it remind you of the vastness that is here, already in you, and ever waiting to connect to you.

Love,

Tara

Fear and Self-Doubt on the Entrepreneurial Path

I remember it so clearly: I was about six months into starting my business. I felt like I’d been trying the same things over and over for months and not getting results. There was overwhelm, frustration and fear – could I really do this?

I sat with my husband and said to him, “This is just so, so hard. I had no idea it would be this hard.” At that moment, I somehow realized that because I was so passionate about the work, I’d expected the early entrepreneurial path to be all euphoria and fun. It wasn’t.

Part of what makes it difficult to be in those early stages of the entrepreneurial path is all the fear and self-doubt that comes up.

Can I do this?

Will my work measure up?

What if I fail – in front of everyone?

What if I can’t make this work financially?

What if no one wants what I have to offer?

More deeply, I think fear and self-doubt arise for us as entrepreneurs for beautiful reasons.

When we choose to do work that taps into our particular callings or gifts, we care more how it goes and what other people think of us. It’s more personal. It’s more vulnerable.

So of course more fear and more self-doubt come up.

I have made it my life’s work for the past decade to help women move past fear and self-doubt swiftly and powerfully.

It turns out there really are ways to do this. There are concepts for understanding the “what” and “why” of fear and self-doubt that help us to be empowered around it.

There are simple, easy-to-use tools for fear and self-doubt that allow us to move out of it.

I’m proud that my approach to working with the fear and self-doubt that come with playing bigger has been so embraced by thousands of women around the world. This approach has even been featured in outlets like Harvard Business Review, goop and The New York Times because it’s so distinctive and useful.

In our B-School bonus sessions, we’ll focus on this topic and learn how to move past fear and self-doubt. Without knowing this approach, all the tactical training we get around business can’t be fully used because fear and self-doubt will keep us from implementing it.

Marie Forleo’s B-School registration is open for just a few more days!

When you enroll in B-School through my link, you’ll also receive special bonus sessions with me to help you build your business.

When B-School ends, we’ll come together as a smaller community for special webinars and interactive sessions on these topics:

I fully believe in the power of this work given my personal experience with the B-School course content and may earn a referral fee if you purchase through my link.

To join B-School and access your special Bonus Sessions with me:

STEP 1: Enroll in the B-School training through my link here. Registration closes this Thursday (March 2) at 6 pm Eastern.

STEP 2: Sign up to be a part of the special bonus sessions with me here.

If you have any questions, please feel free to email our team at playingbig (at) taramohr (dot) com.

Love,

Tara

Feeling Overwhelmed with Running or Starting Your Small Biz? How to Prioritize

There’s a phrase from the Silicon Valley startup world that I love because it resonates with me as oh-so-true:

“Startups don’t starve, they drown.”

We fear that our startups will “starve” – that they’ll fail because of a lack of resources. The truth is, more often our new ventures fail because they “drown” in too many ideas and competing priorities.

Early on in a business, it’s hard to figure out where to focus.

Here are a few prioritization questions to start asking yourself:

1) Will this project give me great fulfillment and joy? A “yes” answer here doesn’t mean you should automatically do something, and a “no” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t, but this is an important factor to consider. There’s always a place in our portfolio of work for projects that give us great joy. And we can always get better about eliminating, altering, or delegating those projects that drain our energy.

2) Does this offering meet an important need of a customer group that is willing to pay for it? Often, when we ask ourselves this question, it reveals that we have no idea what the answer is! We get so excited about a new idea, we forget to consider whether our audience wants it. Or, we have assumptions and opinions about what our customers would want, but no real data to back up those assumptions. If the answer to this question is, “I really don’t know,” your next step is clear: doing some simple research or quick tests to find whether there is customer demand for what you want to offer.

3) We creative entrepreneurs love to keep embellishing and revising what we put out into the world. That’s a great impulse, but when you are considering adding any new components to something or making changes to an existing offering, it’s critical to ask yourself: is this likely to significantly move the needle – either on customer satisfaction or on sales? Do I have evidence it will do that, or is this just a guess on my part? (Yes, in our B-School bonus sessions we’ll talk about how you can gather that evidence.)

When I think back on my experience with Marie Forleo’s B-School, I can see how it really helped me get clear on what to focus on in my business, and what to let go of. In the Bonus Sessions I’m offering, we’ll take this even further. I’ll share the questions to ask, and the kinds of exercises I take myself through, to make prioritization decisions.

Marie Forleo’s B-School is a dynamic, fun, wildly helpful training for aspiring and current entrepreneurs, and the time to enroll is now – registration is closing in just a few days.

And, so exciting: when you enroll in B-School and take the two quick steps below, you’ll receive special resources & training from me to help you build your business. We’ll join together as a like-minded community for special sessions that blend practical training and inner work to help you create the business of your dreams:

Click HERE to learn more about our special Bonus Sessions and to sign up.

I fully believe in the power of this work given my personal experience with the B-School course content and may earn a referral fee if you purchase through my link.

To join B-School and access your special B-School Bonus Sessions with me:

STEP 1: Enroll in the B-School training through my link here.

STEP 2: Sign up to be a part of the special bonus sessions with me here.

If you have any questions, please feel free to email our team at playingbig (at) taramohr (dot) com.

Love,

Tara

Finding the Synergy Between Meaning & Money

There’s nothing that bothers me more than the idea that you should cast aside your financial concerns in favor of going for your passions. This is often heralded in the personal growth and life-coaching worlds, but it makes no sense. We can’t follow our passions over the long-term if it’s not financially sustainable to do so!

I’ve seen again and again with women entrepreneurs that often the most meaningful work we can do isn’t lucrative, or even breaking even. Sometimes our highest quality work – work that’s really fabulous and serving people – also isn’t lucrative or breaking even. That’s because we haven’t gotten the product, the marketing, or the business model design right.

I dealt with that frustrating reality in the first couple years of my work. I could see my work was high quality, and looking around among my colleagues, I could see it was unique. But it just wasn’t finding traction with an audience.

I had some things to learn about marketing, and technology, and product development to make that happen. So I went out and learned – with Marie Forleo’s B-School being one of the main ways I did so.

You might think my actual MBA degree would have been enough, but that taught me more about how to run a large-scale, established company. For starting up a small business, I needed a different kind of training, the kind that B-School provided.

All this to say, financial concerns and worry on the entrepreneurial path are not signs of weakness or irrational concerns. They are very real, very rational concerns. They simply need to be met with good training.

B-School is great for learning how to find that sweet spot of overlap between money and meaning. The bonus sessions I’m providing will go even further to build on what you learn, to design and execute a profitable business model.

When you enroll in B-School and take the two quick steps below, you’ll receive special resources & training from me to help you build your business.

After B-School finishes, we’ll come together as a smaller community for special webinars and interactive sessions on these topics:

If you are an entrepreneur – or aspiring to be one – I hope you’ll check out B-School. It’s an incredible 8-week training program that will enable your business to thrive. B-School is open for registration, but only for another week, so this is the time to sign up. Learn all about B-School, hear about grads’ experiences, and get your questions answered here.

To join B-School and access your special B-School Bonus Sessions with me:

STEP 1: Enroll in the B-School training through my link here.

STEP 2: Sign up to be a part of the special bonus sessions with me here.

If you have any questions, please feel free to email our team at playingbig (at) taramohr (dot) com.

Love,

Tara

Note: I strongly believe in the effectiveness of the B-School program given my personal experience with it and that of many of my colleagues. I’m proud to partner with Marie Forleo this year and may earn a referral fee if you purchase through my link.

A Dispatch from New Motherhood

Good morning –

And then the day came…when mom could find an hour to sit down at the computer to write!

I’m so happy to share with you that in the very first hour of this year, our daughter came into the world.

She’s amazing. Super snuggly. And radiant.

These have been very sweet weeks of learning about her and of experiencing new motherhood for the second time (it’s so very different, the second time).

I can tell you from the front lines of witnessing an early life: we are absolutely all miracles. Special reminder: you were a baby once, too. You are, therefore, definitely a miracle, too.

Today I want to write to you about something I’ve been thinking of in these weeks of nursing, rocking, walking. It’s a contrast I keep reflecting on as I watch my newborn daughter and my young son.

Being around a baby makes it so damn obvious that every human life is precious. This amazing thing happens – we grow in a womb and come out and keep growing. And we are adorable and gorgeous and have bodies that know just how to grow…

But as a collective, we do not treat each human life as if it is precious. We especially haven’t been treating each other that way lately, in our most public spheres in American life.

And watching my son and daughter, it’s so obvious that we start out utterly innocent, good-hearted – only wanting to connect, to love, to hold and be held, to get our needs met. And yet, right now our public rhetoric seems to have forgotten this basic innocent goodness of human beings and our most core instinct to care for one another.

My son and daughter – and all children – make it clear: We start as love. If we are met with love, we continue to be and give and extend love.

You and I can not know all the pain, the indoctrination, the hurt that happened along the way to harden the hearts of those we now see spreading hate, violence, and fear. But we can be the mothers and grandmothers and warrior guardians of the collective and say, “No. No. Not this. Not here. Not on our watch.”

We can take the simplest and most important stand there is … a stand that manifests in myriad ways across different issues and different moments, from the most personal to the political. The stand that every human being is a child of the divine. The stand that kindness matters. The stand that we must take responsibility for the harm we do to others, and make amends. The stand that we are sisters and brothers with all human beings. Let’s take that stand in every way we can.

With love, from the terrain of new motherhood –

Tara