Elizabeth A. Havey's Blog, page 15

THINGS I LEARNED THIS WEEK

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ONE: I’ve been thinking about being obedient and have decided it really matters. Maybe during this crisis, it will turn out in our favor if we are obedient. It’s a word that as YOUTH we didn’t like hearing. “Don’t you know how to be obedient?” Maybe there is even an obedient gene that we inherit, but depending on who raises us, it might expire by a certain date. Or maybe it’s the weather where we live—the amount of sunshine versus stormy weather determines if we follow traffic signals, register our vehicles, pay taxes. Or it’s our age, we get to a certain point and say “the hell with that; I’m going to make my own rules and do what I damn please.”

Of course most of the above is not serious thinking. We go through stages in our lives where obedience matters: turning in a paper on time; following coaches’ instructions. We begin to see that doing what is asked of us is often the best way. Until it isn’t. Until we decide to cheat on an exam, or fudge something on a test or application or lie to a friend, a spouse–I don’t know. There are many ways to disobey or cheat. There are lots of names for it.

But what I have learned this week is that sheltering in place SAVES LIVES. If you love or hate math–it doesn’t matter. Just look at the statistics. Those who are sheltering in place are saving lives. SO THANK YOU. 

TWO: Knowledge is always power, and sometimes we are glad to be able to rely on that knowledge. In short, this is a time to read, to educate oneself and to make sure you are getting the right information. IGNORANCE is not BLISS, as it can lead to your getting sick and dying. Or even worse, those who choose NOT TO OBEY, can spread COVID19 and cause the death of others–and often unknowingly. I will always be grateful that in my 40’s, I decided I needed to know more about medicine and went back to school, became an RN. Now that knowledge is real power that I can use to explain things not only to others, but to calm my family and myself.

THREE: Some people are just gifted with the ability to lift out spirits. And so I’m sharing with you a piece for all animal lovers, but especially cats. This was written by Linda Moriarty in Studio City, CA. I think it’s wonderful when during these times writers can lift our spirits while we are sheltering in place. 

HERE IS HER PIECE: 

Stuck inside, watching my cat,  I realized how low her stress level is and see that the best way to get through this is to emulate my cat. 

First, try to eat at regular times, but just small meals. Spend an hour or two looking out the window watching birds and squirrels.

Don’t forget, when the doorbell rings, to hide. Be leery of strangers. Don’t let anyone touch you. Take at least two to three baths a day to relax and stay calm. For exercise, run around the house and up and down the stairs at least 20 times a day. Take as many naps as you want and do a lot of stretches. Don’t forget to sit on part of the newspaper while reading it. Groom yourself often because you can’t get to the salon.

I’m practicing these things and reading books and feeling better. But I’m really getting tired of tuna!!

THANKS SO MUCH, Linda!  Take care everyone, and see you next week, Beth

Librarian Cat by DEVIANT ART.  THANK YOU. It’s so purr-fect for this piece.

SPRING–THE TIME TO BE AWAKE

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art by Jessica Boehman

Today, I wish you the flower of peace, that grows with you through the next days and months. I wish you love, friendship and family. Today, I am borrowing from another writer who captured where we are and how we are living. Her name is Kitty O’Meara, and her words have gone viral. So has the art that tops this page, art by Jessica Boehman.

“And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, and played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think differently. And the people healed. And, in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless, and heartless ways, the earth began to heal. And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed.”- Kitty O’Meara  Art by Jessica Boehman      P.S. Kitty told the Oprah Magazine, “I was anxious for the past few months. I knew this was coming and I couldn’t be of service.” For years Kitty O’Meara worked in palliative care, so she is especially concerned for friends who still work in the healthcare profession and daily are on the frontlines, battling the virus.

MY MESSAGE





As a mother of adult children, a grandmother of three precious humans, I feel responsible for this world we are living in. It has made me incautious sometimes, as I get on social media and write how I feel. And my feelings are raw, angry and yet often filled with hope. We will get past this. We will awaken to a better way. We have to. Ours is a country of 50 states that must remember what the word democracy means: rule of the people. Each of us has a voice, and each of us must use that voice. 





I also use my voice in smaller ways, by thanking the woman in the mask who checks out my groceries, the mailman who delivers our mail, any person who comes to my front door with a package. And I wave to those who like me and my husband are out walking, but keeping our distance. This is a crazy time, but still a time to remember small kindnesses.

When the sheltering in place is over and business begin again, maybe we will be more tender and understanding toward one another. Maybe we will love our earth more and care for her. Because even though it is cloudy as I write this, I believe that THE EARTH IS OUR MOTHER AND IN SPRING SHE IS REBORN, and that maybe after all of this, something will be reborn in each of us. Until then…

 

P. S. Thanks to Mary Jo Shane who sent me this gift of art and words.

 

Reports from “the Front” & the House!

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How are you all doing? For years I have loved doing my weekly blog post, but oddly, now I feel much closer to all of you. COVID19 has changed our lives, but also put us on common ground: we are all sheltering in place together, and therefore we have common fears and worries, common experiences that bind us. But I also want to salute all our health workers who every day are risking their own lives and futures to care for patients and thus help us. It is truly all about keeping the virus in check, about working together. It is all about HOW CAN I HELP? 

WE REPORT TOGETHERNESS ON ALL LEVELS 

Take the masterful literary agent from New York City. He writes a post every month on my favorite writers blog and I take his workshops and thus tangentially he knows me, knows my work. He wrote this to me: 

Hey Beth, facing similar issues here: Family members with compromised immune systems, kids schooling online, trying to work while at home.  We have all been “kidnapped”…so, you see? Your anxiety is ours and belongs in your WIP. Honestly, I am finding that work–especially writing anything–is the most calming activity of all. 

I so agree with him and thus when our internet went down, my isolation increased. But I’m back and you’re here and all is good so far. And to continue on that note, today I’m sharing what OTHER WRITERS are feeling about quarantine.

1. From  Chris Erskine, my  favorite LA writer-dad, who lost his wife last year and writes about coping during Covid–he knows, it’s all on him.

My bored son and I pass long days practicing his driving…For a new driver, he’s doing very well, though I have to remind him that Audis and other luxe sedans ALWAYS have the right of way, at least here in California. And he doesn’t quite get stop signs. Once, he actually came to a full stop, and the driver behind him honked. “See,” I told him,”you’re just supposed to pause a little.”…My dog, White Fang, wonders why we are home all the time and not dropping more crumbs like we used to. She also thinks that we’re married. When I kneel down to futz with the dryer, White Fang will rest her chin on the back of my ankle. Sometimes I stall a little, so she can have her moment.

2. And this from a poem by Donna Ashworth:

History will remember when the world stopped,  And the flights stayed on the ground, And the cars parked in the street, And the trains didn’t run.  History will remember when the schools closed,  And the children stayed indoors,  And the medical staff walked towards the fire,  AND THEY DIDN’T RUN.  History will remember when the people sang o n their balconies in isolation,  But so very much together,  In courage and in song.  History will remember when the people fought  For their old and their weak,  Protected the vulnerable b y doing nothing at all.  History will remember when the virus left, a nd the houses opened, a nd the people came out, a nd hugged and kissed a nd started again–  Kinder than before.

3. Finally, all of this boils down to doing what is asked of us. It’s not easy. I’ve been reading about women who are pregnant and about to deliver. So vivid in my mind was my joy, yet always the hesitation: how will it go; how will I do, but more importantly, how will my baby be? Now women are being told they might have to labor alone, without a spouse or partner of any kind. Maybe call the midwife. I would, depending on my pregnancy risks. 





Trips to the grocery store are about protecting me from the virus, but also my husband who waits in the car. The immune system thing.

When we walk, we keep that damn distance and always wave.

I thank the delivery men, the mail delivery persons, and especially Pam in the grocery store.

I called my eye doctor with a question. He was kind. Where was he, watching his children at home. 

Each of us has more responsibility RIGHT NOW–to family, to friends, to community and to ourselves. Stay safe. Follow the rules set in place. Prayer and mediation help, as do films. Today, make it a comedy. Laughter is good for your health and you might forget that symptom thing (I do it) swallowing to see if you have a sore throat, holding your breath to test your lungs, feeling your forehead. STOP IT!!  BE SAFE, Beth 


ART: From the Republic of Korea

How Ya Doing? March, 2020….

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Practice Social Distancing

 

Dear Friends,

Thinking of all of you today as I shelter in place in my home in California. Life can really throw us some curves, but I am fortunate to be here with my husband, writing, reading, taking walks and so far so good.

THE FIRST GROCERY TRIP

When we did our first big grocery shopping under these new conditions, John waited in the car because of prior cancer treatment. I wore a mask and gloves. We had both in our home because of a painting project we did last spring.  Though I believed I was doing the right thing, I never like standing out in a crowd.

But it was six o’clock pm and the store was not crowded. I made my way from aisle to aisle, finding that there was a couple who were both wearing masks. And would you believe, a man walking by me with no mask, actually coughed into the air. So please don’t hesitate to arm yourself.

The shopping went well, we brought everything home and John washed things off in the sink, while I wiped down boxes and cans and threw our cloth shopping bags in the washer. A JOB WELL DONE. A few hours later, my friend Cindy sent me this video: It is made by a doctor and confirms what we were doing. Here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjDuwc9KBps I like the idea of making a division on your table or counter when you first start to take items out of your bags. It helps you remember which have been wiped down and which need attention. And this guy provides lots of good tips.

WE KEEP BUSY…

John and I walk almost every day. We are fortunate to live in California and to be able to do this. Lots of people walk and when we approach them, we all do what we can to place distance between us. It’s just the way things are right now. John does most of the cooking and I keep up with cleaning and a little gardening. If you can get outside and just smell fresh air, it lifts your spirits. 

NOTES FROM DR. AFSHINE EMRANI  

Then mid-week, I found this information from my cardiologist. He’s the kind of MD who is so caring that you can talk freely to him about stuff other than your lab results. He cares. You might already know most of this, but I thought I would share anyway. To hear his very long talk, go here. https://www.facebook.com/afshine.emrani/videos/10219054397725503/

Fever and dry cough are usually the first symptoms. Shortness of breath is also possible, as it loss of the sense of smell.
To fight getting the virus, shelter in place, and ***you should take 5000 units per day of Vitamin D.
Get eight hours of sleep if you can; and do all the things like protective gloves and a mask when going out to get food.
If you develop shortness of breath, you should call for a test: Lapcore, Quest; (check with a doctor in your area.) Emrani says that Urgent Care has nasal swabs. I cannot confirm that. Every state is different. 
COVID19 will infect many people. Social isolation is used to flatten the curve. 
If you have been exposed to someone who becomes ill with COVID19, the disease can progress through the body–oral-fecal. So carefully wash your hands; clean shared bathrooms; heat foods; wash vegetables & fruits with hot water. (Note: it is always wise to do these things while sheltering in place.)
If you have encountered someone who became ill, avoid contact with others for 14 days, the infectious time period; after that, if you have no symptoms,  you should be okay and have a very low chance of infecting others. Also know that people can be carriers, that any test might provide a false negatives or false positive. Not very comforting, so maintaining protocols for quarantine is the best way to go. 
We are still learning about this new disease. Eventually we will know for sure whether having the disease makes you immune.

OTHER INFORMATION

There are many people who are asymptomatic walking around, infecting others. 40-10% of the population could be infected. If 350,000 million get ill, with a 1% mortality rate, that means that 3.5 million will die. What epidemiologists want us to do is flatten the curve. To do that, we stay home. It slows the progression of the virus and the pace of people entering the healthcare system so that hospitals can cope. Also, if people are able to put off getting sick, maybe we will have a vaccine to stop the flow. But doctors predict an uptick. And we don’t have treatments, every one of us could be a carrier and TX is 18 months away. One idea researchers are considering: convalescent serum: they take the blood of infected people and inject it into patients or healthcare workers to provide them with immunity. Also: one drug that have been suggested as use in this crisis: 

Chloroquine phosphate. It’s a tablet taken by mouth, for prevention of malaria in adults. One dose is usually taken once a week on exactly the same day of the week. IT HAS NOT BEEN APPROVED. Dr. Anthony Fauci, the director of the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, quickly qualified a statement, saying there was only “anecdotal evidence” that chloroquine might work against the new coronavirus. These medications must go through trials before they can be safely used. Dr. Emrani stresses the importance of always consulting with a medical professional before taking ANYTHING for this disease.

STAY WELL, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS…I hope you all continue to be well. I am grateful that I have my husband for company. I am grateful for our walks and his cooking. But what will my hair look like after weeks of plain old growth? It will be interesting to see.

Sending major hugs to all of you, Beth    

Photo, thanks to Michaelangelo; and a clever person;

 

Friendship in the Time of Covid 19

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There’s a phrase that I’ve often used: we live in strange times. Maybe I made that up, maybe you did, my Friends who are reading this –but certainly it is now terribly true. In California, where I live, we are now ordered to “shelter in place.” Most everything is closed: stores, businesses, libraries, schools, churches and hospitals will no longer perform any elective surgery.
THE USUAL AND THE NOT SO USUAL
But right this moment, I can hear the boys who live behind me playing basketball, comforting. My husband and I did take a walk–it was sunny and cool, Mother Nature unaware of any restrictions and thus the vegetation here in CA bursting forth.
Now in this time, knowing my blogging friends, my adult children and all my readers and friends might be reading this is such a comfort. And we need that comfort. We also need: current and honest communication from our state and federal governments and the ability to purchase food safely, shelter in our homes, and be careful.
That’s not easy for many: the elderly who live alone; single people who can only connect online; mothers of young children or children with disabilities or just children! Connection with other humans is important, but so is food, shelter and knowing you have money in the bank. It can be a time when some are eager to watch movies, curl up with books, listen to music. It can be a time when people are fearful and angry, not knowing the future. IT CAN BE BOTH.

VIRTUAL FRIENDSHIPS 

I’m so glad I have all of you. And I’m impressed with news sources who are eager to keep me informed.

THE WEEK, if it cannot go to press, will send me a digital version of most of the magazine. All they need is my email address and they pledge to protect it.
TIME in this issue states: We have launched a daily newsletter that pulls together essential updates; you can sign up for it free of charge at time.com/coronavirus. As schools continue to close, we are working to offer TIME for Kids–our weekly school-based magazine for grades K through 6–online and free. 
THE LA TIMES has pledged that it’s hard copy which I receive daily, is protected during it’s printing and is delivered in a plastic sleeve. 
And I am now getting a daily email from THE NEW YORK TIMES which gives me flashes of important information.

BUT BE CAREFUL OUT THERE…WHY?

Because people are so angry about why we are where we are with this virus. I have been on Twitter almost since it’s inception and have only had to block someone twice. The first time when I lived in Iowa. And then yesterday. WOW, people are off the rails. I had to block six people who were threatening me, because I’m angry with the government over how it has handled this crisis. It’s truly sad. But it’s also very troubling when people go off the rails and strike out at others and more of this could be in our future. So yes, be careful.  

BUT YOUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO IMPORTANT…

So if it’s a book you might recommend or a film, or an uplifting story–I’m here. And I strongly feel we will get through this, though at the beginning stages we all wonder how and how long.

Well, the boys across the way have stopped playing basketball, but I hope they will be playing again tomorrow. Take care, Everyone–and is there something you miss right now–or something you are doing to make life seem normal??? 

ARTWORK: https://www.thedinnerparty.org  Dedicated to helping people come together in times of need.

Viral Anxiety: Travel Plans? Reading?

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Right now life is all about questions–and finding answers is a challenge. It’s spring break time for many, but the break your students might be getting is to leave college, high school, even grade school and stay home. Travel is curtailed. Even a Staycation can be a disappointment as amusement parks, theaters and museums are closing.

THE CORONAVIRUS–It’s everywhere…

This is the result of the coronavirus entering the United States and spreading big time. Remember the photos of Wuhan, China? TIME magazine had a spread a few weeks back. But that’s thousands of miles away, I thought, feeling sorry for what these people were dealing with. But we are a global village. Now the virus is  in Los Angeles, in New York City, in Washington DC. It’s here and soon it will be everywhere, unless we are careful.

I wrote to a friend in Des Moines. Is it there? She knew of three cases from people who had been on a cruise ship. And this virus lives in the droplets from coughs, lives on surfaces, can easily be inhaled and thus rapidly spreads. There’s no vaccine. And unlike China or South Korea, we don’t even have the number of test kits we need to plot how the virus will move. We need to find the people who are infected, because they become VECTORS.

WHAT IS A VECTOR 

In biology, a vector is an organism that does not cause disease itself, but which spreads infection by conveying pathogens from one host to another. Mosquitoes are vectors for malaria. Humans are vectors for Coronavirus. So we need to know who’s got it and where these people are. Testing can help communicate and calm fears, control the spread of the virus. That’s why South Korea has been testing testing. That’s why we need more test kits.

GO OR CANCEL: How to Decide

Catharine Hamm wrote a piece in the LA TIMES discussing the ins and outs of travel. Ask yourself these questions:

if you travel, are you willing to invest daily time researching the spread of the virus?
could you go another time? I know! We have an important wedding in May.
will you lose money? do you have cancellation insurance? You probably can’t get a policy now, plus you might need healthcare if you get ill while traveling.
and how old are you? how is your health? are you willing to wash your hands, not touch your face, wipe down the places you might be staying? control of your environment is very iffy at the present time.

HOME SWEET SWEET HOME 

In the area where we have lived for seven years, we’ve had fire scares and earthquake scares. But shopping yesterday was a brand new experience and I know many of you have now experienced it too: long lines! People loading up on food. And for some reason, many stacking their carts with bottled water and toilet paper. I get the toilet paper. I don’t get the water. But people will be people. And people get scared. So——- wash your hands frequently. Don’t touch your face. Read up on symptoms and stay home, work from home if you can. Call elderly relatives and check on them. Encourage your children to play board games, haul out legos and blocks, build a city; and of course there is always television.

Finally, check out your book shelves or your Kindles. READING is a great way to use your time wisely and there are so many good books to choose from. Here are a few recommendations:

 Channel Miller (2019) The story of surviving a sexual assault that could have only been a memoir, but instead has been called a book written by one of the great writers and thinkers of our time. 

I’M STILL HERE Austin Channing Brown (2018) She has written a manifesto that has the power to break open hearts and minds. 

JUST MERCY Bryan Stevenson (2014) You might have seen the film of the same name. Stevenson founded the Equal Justice Initiative, a legal practice to defend the poor and unjustly accused. He and his colleagues are American heroes. 

EVERYTHING INSIDE: STORIES Edwidge Danticat (2019) Stories about people who are part of her Haitian heritage. Received the National Book Critics Circle Award.

THE YELLOW HOUSE Sarah M. Broom (2019) Story about the house she and her family lost because of Hurricane Katrina. She traces her family’s roots in New Orleans.

MY DARK VANESSA Kate Elizabeth Russell (2020) The novel anatomizes most sharply the rip in time that keeps women replaying and re-litigating their own culpability in their assaults, especially when those violations happened behind the walls of an institution that vows to protect them. 

THE BOOK OF LONGINGS Sue Monk Kidd (2020) A radical reimagining of the New Testament that reflects on women’s longing and silencing and awakening, is a true masterpiece. 

Oh and there is always THE BODY, by Bill Bryson. That’s what I’m reading now. A way for me to review the anatomy and physiology I learned in nursing school and to enjoy Bryson’s humor at the same time. 

ANY BOOK SUGGESTIONS? Please comment and post. We might be “staying home” for some time. 

Collage: The Guardian

We Live in a Vulnerable Time: How to Cope

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When Oprah Winfrey talked recently with Michelle Obama, they covered many topics. They concluded that whether we are lonely because of losing family, or vulnerable because of losing strong connections, or feeling low or near to depression, we must remember that it’s easy to go low, to make people feel afraid and much more challenging to go high and survive.
We often gravitate toward vulnerability, and yet it requires more energy and thoughtful thinking to pull folks together and to believe in the positives.
Obama: “It’s easy to make people feel afraid. But we should not seek revenge…but think long term. Public figures have a responsibly as to what we say to young people. I tell them: walk your own walk. Values define us…You can’t quit when it’s hard.”

Which made me think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and his radio “fireside chats.” It was the Great Depression, and the 32nd president needed to send a positive message to his people. Using his voice, he quelled rumors, explained his policies. His reassuring tone helped allay fears, dispel despair and uncertainty, give his citizens the faith they needed to keep going. Such actions made FDR one of our most successful presidents.

As Michelle Obama often points out, it’s relatively easy to make people feel afraid. It’s a challenge for a leader of the country, for the head of a family, for the owner of a business to honor the emotions of people who rely on them, but also to inspire them to look ahead, believe that things will right themselves. When you can do that, you are truly being a leader, a good parent, an amazing boss.

Michelle Obama stresses that we are responsible for our own happiness, because it comes from within. She emphatically states that: It’s your journey, you define your own happiness and you walk your own walk. Now that she is fifty-six, she realizes even more that we are not machines, health problems will occur and we can no longer look like we’re twenty!

“You all just have the same lips,” she cracks, referring to enhancements that many crave. And then she says: “Don’t make that your goal. I remember feeling self-doubt when someone criticized the size of my butt. I was angry. I’m a black woman in America. But we all have baggage and self-doubts. So I tell myself: CHANGE THAT RECORDING IN YOUR HEAD.”

MICHELLE OBAMA’S PERFECT DAY…

Now that she is no longer First Lady, Michelle lives a quieter life which she relishes–she and Barack and their dogs Bo and Sunny the only ones at the dinner table (she jokes). Then she describes her PERFECT DAY: “I don’t cook. I tune out the world. I read or watch good television.”

And if she is out in the world–a good day would be the opportunity to make “other people feel seen.” Her best goal is to: “Shine a light on some young woman.”

During her conversation with Oprah, Michelle spoke of having Stephen Colbert as a dinner-mate at the White House. They agreed that empathy is about making others feel seen, hearing their stories, standing in their shoes.

Michelle achieved a great deal during her time in the White House, working to help the families of veterans and all military families. Her work with nutrition, the White House garden and making sure that schools provided nutritious meals for growing bodies were all part of her outreach in helping others.

AN HONOR TO SERVE 

Though she might talk light-heartedly about her time in the White House, she will also say flat out that it was an honor for her to server in her role of First Lady. In her words, she explained: “My life must mean something to someone else.”

Michelle Obama has many amazing qualities–but she truly GETS IT, stating that she wants to be an empathetic person. Michelle worries about those who don’t have what they need for a full life. And because our young people, the next generation, will be our leaders, she wants to give them everything they will need, wants to empower them with honesty, empathy and compassion. She also mentioned awareness so that they can walk their own pathway, but with truth.

HOW TO MOVE FORWARD?

It’s a tough question. We have a lot on our plates right now. Some of us more than others. But if we can remember to use understanding, to seek the truth and to offer love and care when we can, we will be making our society better in this vulnerable time.

Also remember: smile, but don’t shake hands; talk kindly and when you’re out in the public square where you might have to open a door, hold on to a railing-Don’t touch your face! Stay safe, stay healthy.

Photo: Politico

Six Sentences I Can’t Forget

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Last Monday, people working at THE NEW YORK TIMES were reading an amazing essay by John Paul Brammer entitled: Six sentences I can’t forget. The sentences were intriguing. Examples: “I like the saints that started out bad.”  And: “Ain’t you the bitch that got run over at Braum’s?” And when you read each one, Brammer told you a story that he clings to via that sentence. Some had more lasting effect than others. All were intriguing. So I decided to give the exercise a try…

1.Someone in this room lied to me. Spoken by my 8th grade teacher, Sister Doreen. The class will not be dismissed until that person comes forward. Wow, I thought, that person’s in deep trouble. But no one moved. Then I remembered: Doreen had asked those who talked in church to confess. I had said THANK YOU, when a popular girl in class said she liked my hat. Two words. But I followed Doreen and apologized. Humiliation for a THANK YOU seemed wrong. But I did remember.

2. Why major in English, everyone does that. You should major in biology, go into medicine. I was a sophomore in college–this from my biology teacher, a woman who saw a different trajectory for me. But I didn’t see it. I graduated with a degree in English, taught at the secondary level, now consider myself a writer. But at the age of 42, I went back to school, earned my RN, one of the best decisions I ever made.

3. You would just be able to fly farther. I had two young children and back pain. I finally started physical therapy, another of the best decisions I ever made. Over the years, my skeletal system gave me pain in my lower back, my neck and my upper back. During a bout of the upper back pain, my therapist explained that evolution always has a part in our bone structure, that I had large scapulary bones. “The scapulary bones are your wings,” he said. To which I replied, because guilt sometimes accompanies a lack of wellness: “I guess I’m a bird in some ways.” But he replied: “No, you’d just be able to fly, fly farther than most of us.”

4. “I have to go now.” My younger brother and I had flown to Chicago to see our mother. She was in her late nineties, suffering from dementia, now mostly confined to her bed. We had meetings set up to discuss her future, her finances. But as we entered her room, she immediately looked up, said our names, knew us. And her face was radiant with a smile. We moved to stand, one on each side of her bed, as she told us “I have to go now, but I’m afraid.” There were blessings in that room the three of us will never forget. This was a Saturday, late afternoon. Our mother was in a coma by Sunday morning and died early on Tuesday. It was her time and she blessed us with her love even in death. 

5. “You just have to let that go by...” It doesn’t matter who said this to me. The timing is what matters. I had entered a neighbor’s home to ask for a favor or apologize for some minor offense. I remember my hands were out in front of me, my body in a kind of supplication stance. Because after the favor, I apologized for seeming not in full control. “It’s just because of what is going on right now,” I said and made reference to the children in cages at the border or maybe because he had just mocked Christine Blasey Ford. Something! And she stood there and smiled and said: “You just have to let that go by.”    NO!! I won’t let any of it go by and I will never forget her words.

6. For sentence six, I defer to my readers. Is there a sentence you can’t forget? We all have them. I made a list and only chose the five. It’s an interesting exercise and I tried to scan my entire life. So now it’s your turn. THANKS FOR READING and thanks to John Paul Brammar for this intriguing exercise. 

artwork by: Google Images

THE BIGGEST LITTLE FARM

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When my husband and I moved to Des Moines, Iowa after a lifetime of Chicago living, it was a joy to drive out into farmland with my friend Cathy, to hear cows mooing, to find a garden center connected to a farm where you could buy the hardiest of cultivars for your own garden. I have always enjoyed “digging in the dirt” but my gardening prowess is limited. In Chicago I grew better vegetables in my backyard than I ever did in Iowa. Why? The deer ate my attempts.
Animals, pests, soil, weather–those of are just some of the challenges that John and Molly Chester encountered when they decided to leave their current jobs and small apartment in Santa Monica, California, to purchase acres of land not too far from where my husband and I now live. Their goal: to dive into organic farming, to live the green life and provide a home for their dog and the children they were anxious to have.

THE BIGGEST LITTLE FARM: Apricot Lane Farms, Moorpark, California

“It’s so good for surrender, for (people with) control personalities,” Molly told LA TIMES reporter Bonnie McCarthey. “It’s a bit of a zen practice.”

And watching the film, THE BIGGEST LITTLE FARM, you know that Molly and John Chester had to decide from the beginning that this was “game on” and no matter what nature threw at them, they would not give up. Nature was ready for the fight. And they would have to stay as calm as possible, keep working, and yes, throw in a little zen practice along the way. 

THE ROOTS OF THE DREAM

When John and Molly rescued the dog they fell in love with, he missed them,  barked all day while they were at work. Eventually, they were evicted. Then ah, an idea…t he dog would do well on a farm…

“I had worked on a couple of family farms,” John said, “but they were…industrial, sort of commercial mono-crop operations, growing corn, soy for…chickens, but no understanding of soil or the importance of biodiversity or how the whole ecosystem went together. It was all about suppressing…the ecosystem and controlling it and fighting it.”

The film relates the beauty and tenacity of the Chesters’ endeavors. They wanted to honor farming of the past, farming before it was driven by the dollar and had abandoned past practices for chemicals and machinery. They called their land Apricot Lane Farms and it grew and eventually thrived–because of their vision and because of the guidance of a man, Alan York, who knew that with knowledge and patience, nature would help and not hinder.

Alan became their advisor. As John says: “His goal for us was to maximize the biological diversity of our farm, you know, through the use of plants, animals, wildlife and the restoration of wildlife habitat. So he was encouraging us to start a 10-ring circus.”

NATURE AND FARMING: Who will win?  

The Chesters became accustomed to the struggle. If the irrigation system wasn’t providing enough moisture, then dig a pond. If snails begin to kill your fruit tress, then introduce a creature who eats snails. Because nature has its balance, but you need someone like Alan York to help you know what that balance is. Coyotes were a huge problem. Enter a family dog. And when your prize female pig is ill and could die, call the vet and do some praying. (You could even create some children’s books about that particular event). 

ONE PEST AFTER ANOTHER  

When NPR’s Fresh Air heard about the farm, they sent Dave Davies to interview the Chesters. Much of the discussion was fueled by the struggle, the balance of nature. You introduce one thing to the farm, like fruit trees, and a pest almost immediately appears.

John Chester: The snails, you know, eat the leaves of our citrus trees. And that created the worst gopher problem in probably Ventura County. If someone could tell me what I could do with gophers, we would be in the black a lot sooner. Gophers in small quantities can be good. They’re tilling your soil. They’re actually helping transfer and inoculate various funguses that are important to soil health and bacteria. But …they start eating the roots. So we tried to fight the gopher problem with manpower…trapping gophers.

It wasn’t until Year 5 that we realized that there are things in the ecosystem that manage gophers, like barn owls.

And then: Well, the coyotes ate about 350 of our chickens. That required finding a family dog that could deal with the coyotes. Nature is – they’re simple opportunists, and you just need to make it slightly harder on one side so that they go the other direction. It sometimes doesn’t require as much effort as you think.

THE FUTURE OF FARMING from John Chester’s Point of View 

“If we don’t start working with our land in a more regenerative way, can the planet feed us? …just in the last 260 years, we’ve destroyed more than a third of the topsoil. We’ve deforested 46% of the trees. We’ve doubled CO2 from 260 to 400 parts per million. We are an incredible force of nature, humans. And we’ve done all of that unconsciously. And just imagine with consciousness for the infinite possibilities of collaboration with nature. Imagine what we could do with that.”

HARD WORK THAT CREATED A PARADISE 

Now my husband John and I plan to visit. After all, it’s just “up the road” from us.

As Bonnie McCarthy writes: After driving through gridlocked Los Angeles traffic, however, and arriving at the farm on a soft spring afternoon as new lambs played in an orchard laced with wildflowers and the scent of sage and citrus blossoms mingled on a gentle breeze, it was hard to imagine the harsher realities.

Apricot Lane is one of only 66 farms in California to be certified biodynamic by Demeter U.S., representing the oldest agricultural certification program in the world. Biodynamic farms are intended to establish uniquely different microclimates and native habitats, which means there is no handbook for how to do it. It’s a holistic approach in which every animal, plant, pest and poop on the farm serves a purpose — everything contributes to a self-sustaining life cycle. There are also no added hormones, synthetic pesticides or fertilizers or GMOs allowed.

Photo Credit: The Biggest Little Farm   can be seen on Netflix

Since its debut at the 2018 Telluride Film Festival, The Biggest Little Farm has charmed audiences and critics alike with its chronicle of one couple’s trial-and-error attempts to build a farm in harmony with nature.

Let’s Talk–and not later–Let’s Talk Now.

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Communication has become my life. Phone calls to my children who are miles away. Venting my frustration about changes in our country through FB and Twitter. (and oh my poor husband!) Welcoming into my life real and true friends that I only know because of email, my once-a-week-blog post and other occasional gatherings on Facebook, all of which I see as a normal progression from letter writer, short story scribbler, English teacher, healthcare educator etc. And I think I know why…

Because as a three-year-old child, I was unable to understand why my daddy (who died of a massive coronary) tucked me in one night and the next was gone, just gone forever. Because when you are faced with that blockage of communication–when you just don’t understand, but maybe slowly, gradually you adapt–you have learned to look for clues. Because what normal three-year-old stands watching her mother remove ties, shirts and suits from a closet and then states, and rightly so–“He’s not coming back.”

Others of you might say, YES, that’s how it was for me too. After my father left. Or after my divorce. After we had that big fight. Cause yes, then I figured it out. I pieced it together. YES. That’s what we humans do. And do to each other.

In grade school I was quiet. But I got good grades. It’s hard not to do well in grade school when you aren’t fooling around.

But when you have brothers, or when there are other girls your age smarter, cuter–you gradually learn to speak up. TO SPEAK OUT. Your ability to communicate makes people notice. And communicating helps because you:

get good grades in high school and college.
always have an answer.
get a teaching position right out of college–you don’t hesitate, though shaking inside, you answer right away the English department head, the principal, even the superintendent of the district. You answer with confidence, saying YES. I can to this. And you can. The same with all the other interviews for positions you will have in your life. You speak out, because you have learned early on that’s the way to be SEEN.

But I truly believe our ability to tell people what we need goes in cycles. Sometimes we are fluent and other times we clam up.

DO YOU HAVE TROUBLE MAKING YOUR NEEDS KNOWN?

Arguments can make you feel like you have disappeared.

Take a phone call that sometimes doesn’t go well. It ends and there is that silence. Your heart rate slows. But you are still left to your own devices, your own thoughts. And after a while, you might regret what you said or go over everything that was said. The silence presses against you. Sometimes it’s almost like you don’t exist. No one hears what you need. And all you hear is your breathing.

During our long dating history, I would often write a letter to my future husband, if the phone call didn’t go well. Again, I’m a communicator. That’s why I blog. That’s why I write short stories and novels. Maybe I have a lot to say or maybe I just want people to understand me. 

I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU…

My favorite story that echoes the title above, comes from my first child, my intent daughter Caroline. Of course I read child care books, knew the general time markers for achievements like sleeping through the night, crawling, walking, talking. She hit them all at the early part of the range. And though I can’t tell you the exact date, she was at least three when she walked up to me one day, announcing, “Let’s talk.”

It’s an important skill for all of us. It makes our needs known, reduces angst and tension, allows us to tell our story and sometimes use our imaginations. And we must always be open to hearing the other person’s STORY. ( My other daughter, a great communicator, has taught me that!)

SO WHO DO YOU NEED TO HEAR FROM? WHO DO YOU NEED TO SHARE WITH?

Honor your need, talk to those you love–don’t postpone it. Smile, call, write a letter, a note or walk in that room– but let that person know: that you miss them; that you are sorry you hurt them; that you didn’t mean to say that; that you are hurt and angry because…

We can’t fix our communication problems in a vacuum. But calmly, steadily with heart and with love, we can share how we feel, what we need–say we are sorry. Communication is everything. Give in, make that call, knock on that door. Need help? LET’S TALK.

ARTWORK: thanks to: thegraphicsfairy.com