Elizabeth A. Havey's Blog, page 13

The Light in My Kitchen

 

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I found it at TJ Max. It sat on the counter in our kitchen in Des Moines. I loved the colors of the lamp base, but I loved even more–that I kept it lit at night, and if for some reason I had to go downstairs before sunrise, there is was, welcoming me. In California, I often awoke in the grey dawn and again, it welcomed me.

OTHER LIGHTS IN OUR LIVES

All humans are drawn to light. It’s been that way since we came into existence. We can wander after the sun goes down–but we need the light of the moon or of fire–a candle, and then later, modern light run by batteries, solar power. Those who came before us would not fall into a ravine or over a cliff if there was light to keep them safe.

But the most important light of all, is the one that shines from other people. Light in their eyes. Light, excitement, love and care in their voices. Amidst the clamor of modern living, how wonderful to sit quietly and talk with a friend, hold a newborn, smile at your life partner who has always been there for you.

BE A LIGHT FOR OTHERS

Today while I am writing about THE LIGHT IN MY KITCHEN, I am remembering and loving last evening, when our three children and their families, my husband and I, did a zoom call–in the kitchen. True light. The light of laughter, the glow of the faces I love and miss, even the light from their homes coming into ours.

More and more we need connection. Yes, we miss hugging, handshakes, and when I go shopping, I try really hard to smile behind my mask so that my welcome or gratefulness moves into my eyes, comes through in my body movements. We can do this.

Thanks for reading. I wish you true light in your kitchen–a person you love, the phone call that soothes, the music that calms you, the poem that echoes. Whatever it is, embrace it– and if you can, be a light for others.

Photo Credit: Me

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

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Desmond Tutu, South African theologian, wrote: “There comes a point where we need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and find out why they are falling in.”

It’s a beautiful day, sunshine—and some shadow from the trees. There’s comfort in that blend and there is reality. We all need to feel the sun on our faces, and yet to be able to escape into the shade—for the coolness of it and for the protection. But protection is the key.

So, what I am wanting for all of you today, is feelings of security that come to us in many different forms. It can be the voice of your spouse or child calling to you from the next room. And if that loved one is interrupting—there might be an instant of shadow, but then he or she stands in the doorway and you are grateful they are there, even if what they are demanding of you might make you get up, might break your train of thought—might make you sigh.

BUT WE HAVE TO CONSIDER STRESS

In these times the very healthy presence of those we love should make our hearts beat a little faster, though I am very aware that sheltering in place has meant a rise in spousal abuse, even abuse of children. Then the beautiful day disappears and it takes a very strong woman or man to curb anger, and to stay strong, to not break down because the stress is building.

COMFORT WHERE YOU WOULDN’T EXPECT TO FIND IT 

So, if you are feeling vulnerable, or if you know someone who is in these heightened times of emotion and upheaval, you are certainly not alone. And your friend isn’t either. There is help—others are aware.

Heidi Stevens, in the Chicago Tribune, writes about this, referring to this emotional situation as “low-grade depression.” That’s a new term for me and it was for Heidi—but a term used by a very strong women, Michelle Obama, who basically said she currently has “low-grade depression.” On hearing the former First Lady use the term, Northwestern psychiatrist Aderonke Bangbose Pederson knew she needed to expand on that. In doing so she scheduled a zoom call with Altha Stewart, Crystal Clark and Brandi Jackson—all part of the American Psychiatric Association.

WHAT THE PSYCHIATRISTS SAID

Pederson: “We shared the experience of Mrs. Obama’s words resonating with us, both as psychiatrists and as Black women. We know from our personal and professional experience that these are the same feelings that many Black women—no matter their socioeconomic status…where they are regionally in the country, …if they work or how much education they have or whether they have kids or not—that between the coronavirus anxiety and fear and the ongoing new awareness on the part of America that racial injustice has been a part of our lives since the beginning…Mrs. Obama articulated something that needs to be amplified.”

Dr. Pederson stressed that Michelle Obama has a rich history of openly discussing things that are often stigmatized and not talked about. Those of you who read BECOMING know this to be true, as Obama talked about a very sensitive topic, her miscarriage, and then using IVF to get pregnant. She also wrote about utilizing marriage counseling when she and Barack had trouble organizing their busy schedules.

GETTING THE WORD OUT 

This group of female psychiatrists then wrote a letter to Mrs. Obama basically saying: “We stand in solidarity with the vulnerability you expressed, which we know many other Black women experience.” Whey they shared their letter with other professionals, two hundred added their names.

Dr. Brandi Jackson: “There’s a tendency for Black women’s pains to either be over-pathologized—‘Oh she’s angry’ or under-pathologized…It’s really hard to find places where Black Women get to be in the middle… When I heard Mrs. Obama’s statement, I thought: This is a rational response to the time we’re in and I thought it was incredibly important to legitimize it.”

But the Role of Psychiatry Is Changing…

Dr. Altha Stewart stressed that psychiatry did not see itself as having a major role in these major social issues, but that is changing. “We’ve been talking over the last few decades about wanting to be more involved in the issues that impact communities.”

Dr. Crystal Clark got right to the point: “Michelle is our modern-day superwoman. And for her to be able to share her vulnerability and that she experiences challenges given the heaviness of two pandemics—racial injustice and of COVID19—really helps Black women recognize that they can be strong and successful, but also vulnerable.”

All of these thoughtful and caring women stressed what Michelle Obama is saying—that it’s okay to say I’m just not okay today.

So how are you doing? We are still unpacking. I cannot find things and there’s a lot more to do. But we are healthy and together and I’m grateful.

Thanks for reading. And I guess I’m not doing that great, as I could not add media to this post. This is the first time that has happened. ONE DAY AT A TIME. 

Photo Credit, Rushing River photos.

THE USUAL AND THE NOT SO USUAL: UPDATED!

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If all goes as planned, when you read this post, John and I will be comfortably ensconced in our new home in Chicago. We might also have a few aches and pains from assisting the movers with unpacking, and we will definitely be tired. But if glasses of wine are poured and there are birds singing in our new back yard (yes, we once again have a back yard) we will be happy.

THE JOURNEY…

I write this the night before we leave, but when you read it, we will have driven from Henderson, Nevada to Grand Junction, Colorado, then to North Platt, Nebraska and then to Des Moines, Iowa where we used to live, and finally from there to Chicago.

I will always be grateful to my friends—all of you, for reading and commenting and keeping me feeling loved. Moving is challenging. Super thanks to my family and especially our three children and my sister-in-law Therese. We have “climbed a mountain.” Well not really, but figuratively. Whenever my dear mother had accomplished something that rose in front of her as a challenge (and it was now over) the mountain phrase was used.

But irony, we have left our mountains which we loved for seven years, and now will enjoy the waters of Lake Michigan—to drink and when possible just sit and enjoy; also the green of spring-summer, the color of autumn (my favorite season) and our two fireplaces in the winter. And this moment knowing that we are finally here and you are reading this is such a comfort.

VIRTUAL FRIENDSHIPS 

But that’s it, isn’t it. Friendship; communication. Knowing that I can communicate with you, whether I’m in California or back in Chicago, my ability to write and post being seamless. But I am also fortunate to have a computer and a phone, to be able to rely on such benefits.

Note: all of us are living in a time when we totally rely on people who help and serve others. And, we are living in a time when some in power look down on people who help and serve others. So wrong. The United States of America is blessed when we work together, when we help each other. It’s always best for us to be there for each other and not become warring tribes. It is best when we say thank you—as much as possible.

  YOUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO IMPORTANT…

And even though we might meet on the street wearing masks, your eyes glitter with friendship.  And even though we might long for hugs, your eyes tell me you care. And even though it seems like this virus will never go away—it will. If we all work together, if we all sacrifice. If we help one another.

Thanks for reading. From Chicago, sending a big hug. Photo Credit: TIME OUT

 

What Is the Episodic Man?

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“What is the Episodic Man and can he convince us that he is good for America?”

The sources of the following post are a piece by Don P. McAdams in the LATIMES and also his piece that appeared in THE ATLANTIC in 2016. Don P. McAdams is a Henry Wade Rogers Professor of Psychology at Northwestern University and author of “The Strange Case of Donald J. Trump: A Psychological Reckoning.”

McAdams writes that  Trump is an “episodic man” — a man who lives every day as a new episode. Trump doesn’t care that today’s lies completely contradict yesterday’s lies. Yesterday is irrelevant. He only cares about today’s “win.”  Chilling.

PSYCHOGENIC AMNESIA  

Also known as functional amnesia or dissociative amnesia, Psychogenic amnesia, is a disorder characterized by abnormal memory functioning. That’s one definition. But maybe for Trump he has learned to make it purposeful. 

Abraham Lincoln once said, “No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.” To be a good liar you have to keep track of all the lies you’ve told, and to whom, in order to keep the truth hidden. But Honest Abe never knew President Trump, or perhaps anybody like him.

Donald Trump is a successful liar because he refuses to remember. Not only that: he refuses to anticipate that he will remember the current moment in the future. If you live mainly in the current moment, then the future consequences of your lies will not matter to you. And if you have lived your entire life this way, and to great acclaim and success, why would you ever want to change?

LYING AND COVID19

The president was recently annoyed when Dr. Anthony Fauci stole the spotlight by throwing out the first pitch for Major League Baseball’s opening game. In response, Trump falsely claimed that the Yankees invited him to throw out the first pitch for Aug. 15. His assertion was denied and refuted a short time later. The incident recalls Trump’s  false boast that the crowd attending his 2017 inaugural address was the largest in history. Objective photographic evidence decisively refuted that claim.

Yet Trump never pulls back on blatantly false statements — lies that are so obvious that they often defy the laws of physics, chemistry and common sense. Defying biology, even in the face of soaring coronavirus cases and mounting deaths, Trump recently claimed that the virus at some point was just going to disappear. Of the economic crisis that has thrown tens of millions of Americans out of work, he said in March, “This is just a temporary moment of time.”

THE EPISODIC MAN 

The key to Donald Trump’s psychology is that he moves through life as what Don P. McAdams calls “the episodic man.” For Trump, each day is indeed “a temporary moment of time.” Psychological research shows that nearly all adults develop stories in their minds about their own lives. These stories reconstruct the past and imagine the future to give people a sense that their lives have meaning and coherence over time. As you make daily decisions, you implicitly remember how you have come to be who you are, and you anticipate where your life may be going. You live within narrative time.

NOT THE CASE FOR DONALD TRUMP 

But the episodic man does not live that way. Instead, he immerses himself in the angry, combative moment, striving desperately to win the moment. Like a boxer in the ring, he brings everything he has to the immediate episode, fighting furiously to come out on top.

But the episodes do not add up. They do not form a narrative arc. In Trump’s case, it is as if he wakes each morning nearly oblivious to what happened the day before. What he said and did yesterday, in order to win yesterday, no longer matters to him. And what he will do today, in order to win today, will not matter for tomorrow.

“Sometimes what you see is DONALD TRUMP PLAYING DONALD TRUMP,” said Tom Griffin when trying to negotiate some deal with Trump in Scotland. And then there was writer Mark Singler, trying to get an idea of Trump’s thinking for a New Yorker article. So he finally asked: “O.K., I guess I’m asking, do you consider yourself ideal company?”

“You really want to know what I consider ideal company?,” Trump replied. “A total piece of ass.”

THAT TRUMP TRUTH PROBLEM…

What is truth for the episodic man? Truth is whatever works to win the moment. The boxer faces an imminent threat to his survival. If he takes his eyes off the immediate aim of winning, he may get knocked out. Boxing his way through life, moment by moment, Trump does not have the psychological luxury to consider whether his tactics comport with the conventional criteria for truth — such as consistency over time or concordance with the objective reality of the outside world. Every day is a war. All is fair.

Nearly 40 years ago, Donald Trump conveyed his philosophy of life to an interviewer: “Man is the most vicious of all animals, and life is a series of battles ending in victory or defeat.” Before he was sworn into office, Trump told his advisors to think about each presidential day as an episode in a television show in which he vanquishes rivals.

The show is not, however, a long-running drama that builds over time to a conclusion. Each day, instead, is like an episode… And then we start all over again tomorrow.

WHAT TO TAKE FROM ALL OF THIS

Research shows that people low in agreeableness are typically viewed as untrustworthy. Dishonesty and deceit brought down Nixon and damaged the institution of the presidency. It is generally believed today that all politicians lie, or at least dissemble, but Trump appears extreme in this regard. 

As the social psychologist Jesse Graham has noted, Trump appeals to an ancient fear of contagion, which analogizes out-groups to parasites, poisons, and other impurities. In this regard, it is perhaps no psychological accident that Trump displays a phobia of germs, and seems repulsed by bodily fluids, especially women’s. He famously remarked that Megyn Kelly of Fox News had “blood coming out of her wherever,” and he repeatedly characterized Hillary Clinton’s bathroom break during a Democratic debate as “disgusting.” Disgust is a primal response to impurity. On a daily basis, Trump seems to experience more disgust, or at least to say he does, than most people do.

SOME CONCLUSIONS 

For most people, and every other president in the history of the United States, an episodic life would be unsustainable in the long run. But for Trump, it has always been a winning life strategy. His admirers appreciate his total engagement of the moment. He brings it all to the battle today. There is a primal authenticity in Trump. He tells you exactly what he feels in the moment. He lies straight to your face, without shame, without any concern for future consequences. It is the stark audacity of untruth.

Mark Singer concluded that Trump over time had achieved something remarkable: “an existence unmolested by the rumbling of a soul.” If we read Dan P. McAdams book when it comes out, he might conclude the same thing. I certainly have–Trump has no soul–or if there is a glimmer of one, something whispering to him, he ignores it. 

Dan P. McAdams is the Henry Wade Rogers Professor of Psychology at Northwestern University and author of “The Strange Case of Donald J. Trump: A Psychological Reckoning.”

Mark Singer has been a staff writer at The New Yorker since 1974. He has contributed hundreds of Talk of the Town stories and scores of Profiles and reporting pieces. In the fall of 2000, he revived the U.S. Journal column in the magazine, a monthly feature that was written by Calvin Trillin from 1967 to 1982.

Cartoon: Daryl Cagle

Can You Find Your Villain?

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Last Sunday I listened to a discussion between two well known women writers, Louise Erdrich and Ann Patchett. It’s always fascinating to get their insights on creating fiction–but this exchange stood out for me. Patchett talked about creating her recent novel THE DUTCH HOUSE, and how she based a particular aspect of the novel on her own life.
FIRST: Here is a very partial summary from The Bibliofile, which tells you that the novel focusses on siblings, Maeve and Danny.

Maeve and Danny’s mother abandoned their family when they were young, so they are raised by their father and the household help instead. One day, their father brings home a woman, Andrea Smith, who he later marries. Their father is more interested in his real estate holdings than in them, and Maeve and Danny’s relationship with Andrea is fractious and later overtly hostile.

The New York Times review gives us another glimpse into major elements of Patchett’s story:  “The Dutch House” is a sibling story — that of Maeve and Danny Conroy, a brother and sister growing up comfortable in Elkins Park, Pa., in a house known throughout the community (and by the family) as the Dutch House…The children’s father purchased the house for his wife without telling her before the children were born — it is enormous, wildly elaborate, stuffed with the ornate furniture and outsize presence of the VanHoebeeks. Though they are dead, they are looming spirits — the Conroys never even take down the VanHoebeek portraits.

THE VILLAIN 

Patchett confesses in another interview, that after writing a complete version of this novel, she basically threw it away. There wasn’t enough tension. There wasn’t that push-pull between characters. The novel needed a villain to ramp up the tension. But who was the villain? 

Patchett then stated that her difficulty in writing the Dutch House was actually fueled by her own anxieties of becoming a stepmother. When she married Karl VanDevender, he brought two children to their marriage, Patchett fearing she would be unable to enter the proper mother role. Instead she saw herself as the stepmother who might bring unhappiness or worse to the family unit. We all know familiar tropes about stepmothers–Hansel and Gretel being an example. From Patchett’s fears grew the answer to reworking her novel. 

She states: The greatest lack I think in my body of work, if, God forbid, you were to read it all, is that I don’t write villains. I have this shortcoming that whenever I get too close to anybody, I become sympathetic to them. And I just really wanted a villain. That was why I wrote this book in first person, because all Danny (the novel’s narrator) knows is what Andrea (the stepmother) chooses to show him.

LOOK WITHIN YOURSELF

This discussion has made me reconsider the villains I encounter in my own writing, and in my reading and film watching. Now I want to consider if the creators of these fictions are pulling from their own personal experience to create tension, stress, climaxes–and maybe even the very villain that has center stage. Because we are human, we all have faults–we all can succumb to jealousy, anger, and the penchant to avoid or change the truth. Being human is a complex challenge for every one of us.

Patchett found herself lacking in the area of mothering another woman’s children and turned that fear or lack into a novel. That’s Patchett’s wheelhouse. Her strength. Some of us look back on past mistakes or actions and want to erase them. We then reach out to help others, becoming more observant of others’ needs. 

As a writer, I now want to look more closely at the antagonists in my work. I want to get inside their skin, reveal some of the fears, angers, even hatred I might have felt in my own life. That might create a villain–and yet it might also create a character who is willing to awaken one day and search for change. I think we all have a little of that in our lives. Patchett writes a novel to deal with it. We can reach out to those around us that we might have hurt or offended. It’s hard work, but we can do it.

My Wall of Hope

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Our move to Chicago is in Medias Res, as we have not “closed” yet, awaiting for all the necessary paperwork to be completed and for the house to become ours.  So we are basically homeless–yet loved and taken care of, staying with my husband’s generous sister.

In the flurry of “packing” my office, I pulled from my “wall of hope” various quotes that I had printed and tacked up–most applying to the writing life. Today  I am sharing them with you. Some may already be familiar to you.

#1  We make things and seed them into the world, never fully knowing –often never knowing at all–whom they will reach and how they will blossom in other hearts, how their meaning will unfold in contexts we never imagined. W.S. Merwin

Bio: Merwin is an American poet who wrote more than fifty books of poetry and prose. During the 1960s and the anti-war movement, his work was thematically characterized by indirect, unpunctuated narration. In the 1980s and 1990s, his writing derived from an interest in Buddhist philosophy and ecology. Residing in a rural part of Maui Hawaii, he was dedicated to the restoration of the island’s rainforests.

This next quote was given to me by a fellow fiction writer who understands what it means to live with your words and your characters every day of life your life.

#2  ...because writing literary fiction allows me to live with my imagination, and that is the greatest gift you can have.  John Leggett 1917-2015  University of Iowa Writer’s Workshop 1970-1987

Bio: John Leggett attended Yale, then served in the US Navy in WW II. Back home after collecting a “fat swatch of rejection slips” he did editorial work for Houghton Mifflin Publishing and Harper Collins. In 1969, he joined the English department of the  University of Iowa where he became the director of the famous Writer’s Workshop. During his tenure, he worked with amazing writers: Ethan Canin, Gail Godwin, Jane Smiley, John Irving, Raymond Carver. In 1987 he moved to Napa to help run the Napa Valley Writers’ Conference. Leggett died of pneumonia in 2015.

#3  Vanishing twin? Never heard that phrase before but it gives me chills. Today I am truly feeling your story. Meaty emotional stuff. How strange that we call lost kids “missing.” They are anything but. They haunt us every day. I remember Etan Patz. Have you been following recent developments in that case? The perp was found and confessed. (He has a low IQ and mental illness, worked in a bodega in SoHo, killed Etan within minutes of him leaving for school on his own for the first time. ) …What an unending torment for Ethan’s parents. Your notes today have me stirred up..which means, good work.   Donald Maass

Bio:  Donald Maass (New York, NY) heads the Donald Maass Literary Agency in New York City, which represents more than 150 novelists and sells more than 150 novels every year to publishers in America and overseas. He is a past president of the Association of Authors Representatives, Inc., and is the author of several books.

#4  Conversation with Pulitzer Prize author, Elizabeth Strout: …fiction is more true than just about anything else…the terrible details of marital strife, the big holes in us that we pretend aren’t there, all our contradictions, only some of which we can see, our sex lives, our odd attractions and repulsions. …I’ve wondered my whole life why fiction exists and persists across time and culture. And now I feel like I know: because we can be honest there, we can reveal ourselves, see one another fully and finally. Meredith, The Falmouth Book Baristas 

Bio Meredith: I am an avid reader of new fiction (especially historical fiction, literary fiction, women’s fiction and mysteries) memoirs, and the occasional non-fiction book.  I work in Circulation at the Falmouth Memorial Library, and look forward to hearing about what you read.

#5 Springing a point on readers isn’t artless, it’s artful. It’s welcome. When the point is the truth, we don’t turn away. We are inspired to become better and are glad of it. So, go ahead and think like Aesop. He revealed human nature and delivered moral truths. He wasn’t stoned to death. You won’t be either. 

Probably, Donald Maass again. Sure sounds like him.

#6 The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious–the fundamental emotion which stands at the cradle of true art and true science. Whoever does not know it and can no longer wonder, no longer marvel, is as good as dead, and his eyes are dimmed.” Albert Einstein (no bio needed) My comment: YOU CAN KEEP THE DREAMS IN YOUR NOVEL. 

#7 When faced with a challenge, we might find that very challenge was everything we needed to discover what we’re made of. A quiet, meaningful moment might be followed by disorder and confusion. Still, it could be that very moment that shifts something–the one that opened the dirty, muted window and changed the view. And so I dive in… 

I cannot find the source. If anyone else knows it, please let me know. And as always… THANKS FOR READING, Beth

 

Things On My Mind

[image error]Life changes for all of us. Today and for some time, I am sheltering in place with my dear sister-in-law, the partner of Isaac Thapedi who I wrote about a few weeks ago. Yes, we are on our way to Chicago, but will be staying here until the purchase of our home in Chicago is completed and we can move in.

But today I am thinking of the loss of John Lewis.  Last evening we watched a film about his life GOOD TROUBLE. I recommend it to all of you. You will laugh, you will cry. You will be awed by his strength, his humanity and will deeply feel our country’s loss. His contributions to our country will be forever remembered. So if we have to sacrifice now and again by wearing a mask, we can do this. That’s what I often said to my maternity patients when they were in labor. They were in pain, but I did all I could to help them deal with the pain, and as a woman who had been gifted with three children, I knew the pain would end. And now some of the things we are going through like Covid and change in our  lives each day–require the same principle–we can do this. 

HOW ARE YOU COPING?

Maybe you have a coping mechanism to share–a phrase, a song, a photo. Please share. I am also working on my husband’s laptop and so my ability to write this post is hampered a bit. I won’t be able to add a photo. But I am thinking of all of you. Thanks for reading.

 

THE MOVE…

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the garden…

The sense of it, the experience of it started with “A Haunted House” by Virginia Woolf. Parts of it read: 

But they had found it in the drawing room. Not that one could ever see them. The window panes reflected apples, reflected roses; all the leaves were green in the glass. If they moved in the drawing room, the apple only turned its yellow side. Yet, the moment after, if the door was opened, spread about the floor, hung upon

the walls, pendant from the ceiling—what? My hands were empty. The shadow of a thrush crossed the carpet; from the deepest well of silence the wood pigeon drew its bubble of sound. “Safe, safe, safe,” the pulse of the house beat softly.

A moment later the light had faded. Out in the garden then? But the trees spun darkness for a wandering beam of sun. The wind falls, the rain slides silver down the glass.

Wild beams of moonlight cross both floor and wall, and, meeting, stain the faces bent…

AND I FOUND MYSELF…going to that place whenever I read A Haunted House, or thought about those roses and apples. That was the first lighting of my vision.

FROM VIRGINIA WOOLF TO…

The second was so opposite in its source! Yet I cannot remember the exact magazine, but it was either Country Home or Better Homes and Gardens. For when you fall in love with your own rooms, with your roses and apples, the sunlight on your carpet, the soft beating of safety when the sun departs and the moon glows in your window—a-ha, there are others who feel the same way about their homes. And they were reading the same magazines.

And so, this woman had a house in California. I do wish I’d saved the photographs. But in a major living area with tables and candles, with chairs and tea cups, she could open large doors of glass and smell the roses growing just beyond, in jardinières or window boxes, I don’t remember. And she was gracious and giddy about the bees that hummed just there, beyond the openness of her home’s windows and doors.

And I thought that lovely. I thought that so like Virginia Woolf, the image of crossing from the wooden floor planks of a house into the stones of the garden—the roses and sunlight bending inward, the bees behaving, possibly humming with the music that wafted outwards from a radio, a stereo.

Did I have that vision in my mind when, my patient husband, my patient brother and the real estate agent, took me from one place to another. Until. Until—there it was.

The day was cloudy, and the rooms smaller, but there was a large glass window and a door that opened to the garden, to the roses I would plant, the bees that I would summon, and the sunshine of southern California. And Virginia Woolf, the woman in the magazine, they would have approved.

But the trees did spin darkness for a wandering beam of sun. Though “Safe, safe, safe,” the pulse of the house beat gladly. “The Treasure yours.” And again, the wind falls, the rain slides silver down the glass. Wild beams of moonlight cross both floor and wall.

There were moon beams and sun beams to warm the floor, the home, this harbor, this home. There was laughter and weeping, kisses and warm embraces—and music, downstairs and flowing up the stairs, all throughout and lingering. What remains of us—only worn and warmed places and those spirits, and all those words, so many words that weave us together.  

DEPARTURE, SWEET SORROW….

But now we depart California, bid this home goodbye, we eager to love another, a treasure of solid walls lightened by sunlight, brightened by roses, by flowers that bend to us in summer, and blessed by all those who have ever sheltered there and now will shelter us.

Leaving has its pain, but—as Joan Didion, who was born in California but now lives in New York City, wrote: A place belongs forever to whoever claims it hardest…remembers it most obsessively, loves it so radically that it remakes his image…

Goodbye California, I will miss you, always. Hello, Chicago. We return to the neighborhood where we were both born and raised. We will greet our son and future daughter-in-law who now live just a few Chicago blocks from us. And the photo above—this is my new garden, and there is that door that opens to it, that pulls the inside out and the sunshine in. And there is some sunny window where I will sit and write…

P.S. So now we wait for the machinations of business, for things like escrow. What a funny word! And for a while we will be staying in Nevada with family. I hope to keep posting every Sunday, as living is change and change can make for interesting writing. Be “safe, safe, safe”—– Beth

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Goodbye…

LISTENING TO ONE CLEAR MESSAGE

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“The thing about the pandemic is people are going to die whether you believe in it or not.”

Lucy Jones has one clear message. She is a seismologist—you know, someone who studies earthquakes. A California native, she’s got a big job, studying the science and trying to educate California citizens. She created the slogan: Drop, Cover, Hold On!

But when a reporter from the LA TIMES recently interviewed Jones, she had created something new, a message about Covid19.

Don’t Share Your Air!                              Which is shorthand for, wear a mask.

Jones will always approach an issue following the science and not personal emotions. So after reading and researching, she boiled down THE SCIENCE to something that is not up for debate—it’s a fact:

“There’s a lot of ways you could get Covid, but more people are getting it from breathing in the air of an infectious person. If you can’t protect yourself from everybody else’s air, what you can do is keep your air from getting out to others.”

HERE’S HOW IT WORKS:

“There are these tiny, tiny droplets that are carrying the virus…If you put a mask on your face, think how it fogs up your glasses. That’s the moisture carrying the virus that is getting caught and not going out to infect someone else.”

“Once those droplets are caught in your mask, they condense and grow heavier and drop more quickly—and thus more safely—out of the air.”

Jones explains that it’s easier NOT to share you air outside. But early on, some of the hardest hit states were those where people were inside because of the cold. People were sharing their air. Now that’s true for states where it is hot, and people are going indoors to escape the heat.

So, the one clear message is              DON’T SHARE YOU AIR.

Simple and Easy to remember.

YES, TRY TO KEEP IT SIMPLE

Lucy Jones knows that in a situation like a pandemic, you can’t get complicated. People get confused. They get hyper and they tune out. You can’t overwhelm people. SIMPLE WORKS. AND SIMPLE NEEDS TO BE REPEATED.

Our federal government has continuously provided poor leadership and confusing messaging. It has offered different ideas, it has vacillated. That makes people crazy and eventually they turn away.

Jones says: “People stopped trying to keep track of the changing advice. They tuned out. They walked away—unmasked—from all of it.”

SCIENCE: IT KEEPS US ALIVE

Jones does admit that because this is a new virus the experts had nowhere to go when the outbreak hit. So they went with what they knew from other virus outbreaks: MAINTAIN DISTANCE FROM OTHERS, WASH YOUR HANDS OFTEN.

She also feels that we as citizens and thinkers need to realize that science must play a major part in decision making. Science will have its way. We can’t turn away from science.

“It’s pretty clear we are suffering from our inability to use science in decision making.” And she stresses that scientific reality is not subjective.

“You can believe all you want that the apple is going to fly into the air—and yet gravity still pulls it to the ground,” she said. “The thing about the pandemic is people are going to die whether you believe in it or not.”

Jones remarked that government once lobbied against the findings that smoking was a health risk; and now currently, many in government refuse to acknowledge climate change.

“We’re now in this position where scientific information is treated as something that you believe or don’t believe because of your partisan leanings.” That makes messaging for the general public very very difficult.

THE COMMON GOOD

Jones believes that in a time of division, where central government and state governments cannot get on one message, we will be the victims of chaos and confusion—all of this during a pandemic.

She wants us to “put our common good in front of our personal discomfort,” and believes that we can still do some good. Why and how? Let’s use the earthquake analogy. Right now we are still in the foreshock sequence. But by wearing masks around others, we can still help reduce the size of the mainshock.

So…..DON’T SHARE YOUR AIR

Maybe you are tired of my research on COVID19. But right now, this is stuff we need to know to STAY ALIVE. Thanks for reading. 

 

What Can Covid19 Create? Our Future Scientists

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What Can Covid19 Create? Our Future Scientists

This very Covid19 moment, if I could wish anything for my three amazing grandchildren, it would be their safety. They are strong, smart human beings, but there’s a world out there that they need to learn to navigate, to understand, and not totally trust. It’s a different world, this Covid19 world, one that is hard to explain to children.

So, if they asked me for my advice regarding Covid19, how would I answer?

First, I’d talk about polio. Like COVID19 that is now making so many people sick, polio often started with a fever, sore throat, headache, body aches. Parents would worry, especially in summer if you developed cold-and flu-like symptoms after swimming in a public pool—then they thought the worst.

OUR NEIGHBORHOOD GIFT–A POOL  

My mother didn’t let us swim in public pools, but we were absolutely blessed to live next to an engineer who had a pool. Uncle Carl, we called him, was employed by an iron works firm about three miles from our neighborhood. He had a team there create a large iron framework, really a big bath tub, that was 3 feet deep at one end and 5-6 feet deep at the other. Then he had excavators dig a huge hole in his backyard and they brought that “pool” over and dropped it right in the hole. Bingo. We could stand in our dining room windows and look out at the neighbor’s swimming pool. And yes, we were invited to swim, after taking a shower, most summer afternoons from 3:00pm to 4:00. Huge relief from polio worries for my mother.

TIME FOR YOUR POLIO SHOT! 

But then, after a few years, Jonas Salk researched and presented the Salk vaccine. It was approved by government agencies and everything changed. Fear went away. My mother took us to see our pediatrician and there he was with this long needle. But Dr. DeYoung and his nurse were clever. They had a box of birthday party favors, the one you  blow on and it makes a horn sound. Well, the nurse would hand one to each child, tell them to blow–and while they did, zap, Dr. DeYoung did the inoculation. No tears, no fears. 

So I could tell my grandchildren the swimming pool-polio story, stressing that scientists are right now working, researching a vaccine to make us safe from COVID19. It’s a profound teaching moment if parents use it right—because science is ALWAYS THE FUTURE, though science, good science and research, take time, lots of time, and children often have no concept of time. THEY WANT THINGS NOW. (So do some adults who complain before they think.) But with Covid19, things aren’t going to go back to normal any time soon.   

HOW WE HAVE WORKED TO BANISH CHILDHOOD DISEASES 

I could also tell them about chicken pox, mumps, measles and rubella, that many grandparents and even some parents remember having all or a few of these childhood diseases. And even though we missed school, it wasn’t fun. We were often really sick. And there was no way to make up what we were missing in school. There was no zooming.

Then when we were well and went back, everything seemed strange. Life had gone on without us. Sometimes the school room looked different—there was a new kid in the front row; the bulletin board was totally different: our teacher had cut her hair or was now wearing glasses. There was a table of projects but my name wasn’t on any of them because I wasn’t there. CHANGE. It’s hard on everyone, but it’s really hard on children. We like things to stay the same. We feel safer that way. We all thrive in a safe environment. But now the ability to go outside and roam, ride bikes, play in the park, use the climbing equipment—all has changed. You have to keep thinking about invisible viruses on your hands. You can’t hug your friends.

But there is also the HERO FACTOR. Because when we were back at school and talking to our friends, some of that hero stuff came out.  Like my eye surgery, when they bandaged both my eyes and I couldn’t see for a week. And I was only five.

STRESSING THE POSITIVE: SCIENCE AND FUTURE GO HAND IN HAND 

Our grandchildren will have stories to tell, but I also believe the biggest one will be about the scientists and the doctors who worked very hard to create a vaccine that eventually meant future generations would not have to experience what they are going through right now. It could become a WONDERFUL MOMENT, to stress the positive, to teach your grandchildren about their bodies, about the immune system and antibodies, about herd immunity. The time is long past where adults sit in a circle and talk about things they don’t want their children to hear. Because THEY ARE HEARING IT or READING IT on the internet. So much better to talk about these things openly, to inspire curiosity in your child or grandchild. We always need scientists. And I hope beyond hope that thousands of young minds are right this moment focussing on learning about the human body and realizing that the TRUE SUPER HERO is the man or woman who can study, research and eventually HELP others. Wishing you all, health and safety. 

a version of this post appeared on Carol Cassara’s blog: Will Our Grandchildren Be Okay?

photo credit: Green Matters