Nancy Wilson's Blog, page 43

Good Preaching

Takeaways from Sunday's sermon on Ephesians 4:

1. Don't give the devil a foothold in your family. When we are ugly to one another by means of anger, bitterness, malice, etc.,  we grieve the Spirit and invite the devil in.

2. A refusal to forgive is the way of the old man.

3. We are to keep the unity of the Spirit, no matter what denominational differences we have. Two members of the same church may be at one another's throats, while two people from entirely different churches can get along great. The first is not preserving the unity, while the second is.

4. The not-yet kind of unity is the kind that we are all growing toward, and God will give us this unity when we eventually all come to "the unity of faith" or "the perfect man." God doesn't mind denominations, but He hates denominational arrogance. Humility preserves the unity and helps the body to grow.

5. When Paul gives ethical instructions (stop lying, etc.) he is speaking to the regenerate. The unregenerate cannot obey ethical instructions. If they do, it is like water on a hog, and soon the hog will return to the mud. When the regenerate hear ethical commands, it is food to the sheep. They respond and are nourished by the instruction.

Feed It or Starve It

When it comes to fears, anxieties,and  insecurities (like double-thinking everything), we have two options. We can either feed these said fears and insecurities or we can starve them.

How do we feed them? By giving them our attention and thought. By dwelling on them and arguing with them in our head. By worrying over our worrisome thoughts.

How do we starve them? By ignoring them and refusing to give way to them. By not letting them get a foothold in our hearts and minds.

The gentle, quiet-spirited woman of 1 Peter 3 is "not afraid with any terror" (NKJV). She does not give way to fear, which means when fear comes knocking at the door, she shuts it out and does not invite it in.

Now this requires diligence and patience. If you are commonly giving way to these things, it is going to take real effort to break the habit. If you have already invited fear in the door, he's a tough guest to kick out. But it can be done.

Pay attention to your thought life. What are you thinking about? If your thoughts are all about these things, you must pick your thoughts up and set them somewhere else. I compare it to changing the station. Don't just let it go. Stop it. Kick it out. Set your mind on things above. Anything praiseworthy will do.

In Philippians 4:6, Paul says we are to be anxious for nothing, but to pray with thanksgiving. When we turn our hearts away from worry and give our concerns to God in prayer with thanksgiving, we are moving away from those things that trouble us. As we do this, the peace of God acts as a guardian around our heart and mind, which is the best kind of  protection. The next verse (8) tells us to think on all those things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, and good. This is how we take our mind off the worries and fears and set our mind on other things. This is how we starve the worries.

This biblical principle of taking responsibility for our thoughts is helpful in many areas. When ever our thoughts are unedifying (the kind that displease our Father), we should change the station. We must turn away from the bad thoughts,  drop them, and think about something else. The something else doesn't have to be something spiritual necessarily. It may be we should turn our thoughts to planning dinner or thinking about what we're going to plant in our garden come spring. This is how we starve our insecurities. We cannot pet them and expect them to die out. We must totally ignore them, and they will go away.

Spurgeon said that we can't keep the birds from flying over our heads, but we can keep them from building a nest in our hair. But if there are already some nests settled in, ask God to help you pull them out. Then listen to what kind of company you have been keeping with your thoughts. If it's bad company, show them the door.

The Double-Think

Double-think is when we get into a tailspin over-analyzing our motives and worrying over our possible sins or those we might commit or whether we did commit or not. Did I apologize thoroughly enough? Do I need to apologize for that? Or not?

Everyone can do this, but women can be more vulnerable, I think, because we are hungry for approval and can easily become insecure about how we are doing. We don't like to be in trouble, and we like to color inside the lines. What if we accidentally got outside one of the lines? Is that okay? Is it legal to use the red crayon or is only blue allowed? Was I really sincere when I said that? Or was I faking? Am I in a bad mood?

Life is too short to double-think our motives and over-analyze how we are doing all the time. It's a way of trying to do God's job for Him, and we are not any good at it. The Holy Spirit deals with us when we sin, and He has perfect vision. He is not confused. Our aim is to be sensitive to Him. How? By being in the Word, by confessing the sins we know about as soon as we know about them, by deliberately trying to please God by walking by faith and rejoicing in His goodness and grace.

The irony is that flirts never worry about whether they are flirting or not. Insincere people don't worry about whether they're being sincere. Disobedient kids don't worry about whether they're disobeying. So we should let it rest. Double-thinking everything just wears us out and distracts us from our duties here and now.

Another Funny

Once my daughter was babysitting, and it was time to put the toys away and get the kids in bed. She told the young buster, who was probably four or five, to pick up the crayons. He took the empty crayon bucket and put it on his head and said, "I am the Chief End of Man. The Chief End of Man does not pick up crayons!"

Q & A

Here are a few questions I got at a recent Bible study for teenage girls. And here are a few short answers.

1. What do you do if your (Christian) parents are having a conflict?

This is a tough spot for a daughter to be in. The first thing I would say is to pray for them. Pray that God will open their eyes and bring a peaceful resolution. Second, remember that this is their problem and not yours. When parents fight, not only do the kids feel awful, but they also feel  responsible to help fix it. I'm not saying that God never uses daughters to help parents with their marriage issues, but it's not likely. So, in your prayers, give the burden to God. Don't carry it yourself. Third, be careful not to take sides unless everyone can see who is in the wrong. Be respectful to your parents, even to the parent who is being a stinker. Chances are always good that you're only seeing half the story, if even that. If things are really bad, give your pastor a call and ask him for input on how you can be a good daughter in this situation. Calling him for help is not disrespectful to your parents; but chatting about your parents' problems with your friends might be.

2.What if you worked hard for something and you didn't get it. How do you get over not being sad about it?

This is a great question and having a good theology is a solid comfort in situations like this. Maybe you worked hard to get a scholarship to college, but it was awarded to someone else. You filled out all the forms for a job, but by the time you submitted it, the job was gone. These are the times when you can be rock solid sure that God means all this for good. He is steering your life. He didn't want you to go to that college or get that scholarship or job. Not because He doesn't want you to succeed, but because He has other plans for you. Better plans. So trust Him and thank Him for protecting you and loving you. Don't give way to regret and disappointment. Receive it from the hand of a kind and generous Father and give thanks.

3. How do you get yourself out of a bad mood?

When you wake up in the morning in a bad mood, then you have a choice before you. You can either give way to the bad mood and let it sit on your head all day, or you can ignore it and brush it off. If we think about our bad mood and make allowances for it (feed it), it will just get bigger and badder. But if we ignore it and fill our mind with our duties, it will shrink up and disappear. Bad moods must be fed to survive. Starve it.

4. What should you do if you get easily annoyed at little things? How can you prevent annoyance?

The world is full of provocation and each of us will have plenty of opportunities to be provoked. So we should be prepared for these things. Pray ahead of time. Ask God to help you see temptation coming so you can respond sweetly. Start out your day knowing you will be provoked. Watch for it. Then when it comes, think, "Okay, here is my chance to respond kindly." Pray for the Holy Spirit to give you patience. A fool shows his annoyance at once. A wise woman doesn't react. Pray that you will act, not react. You can't prevent the provocations. They will come. But you can prevent annoyance by prayer and by God's grace. View each provocation as a little quiz. Then ace your quiz.

Kids and Church

In our church community we have lots and lots of little kids, and we love it! God has blessed this place with kids of all ages, from babies in their buckets (you know, those car seat things) to toddlers and on up. We try to be considerate of their little frames as we worship and fellowship,  and I am often in awe that our church service is so quiet with well over a hundred small children present. Hats off to all those parents who are loving and teaching and training their little kids to sit through the service (while the parents seldom get to hear an entire sermon uninterrupted).

Just a side note before I go any further. I have to tell you a funny story. A friend of ours who is a minister in Virginia recently told us about a little guy in his church who calls him Sermon. This comes from his parents saying, "Listen to the sermon." So of course it follows that the preacher's name must be Sermon (and Sermon wears a white robe at Sunday worship). Not long ago this little guy asked his big brother if Sermon was God. "No," said the wiser older brother. "He's not God. He just dresses like Him."

But back on topic. At our worship service, we want to include the kids as much as possible, which means a lot of teaching has to go on at home on how to behave. There are no church-enforced rules for the kids, but there are plenty of family-enforced rules that I don't know anything about. When our kids were little, we had a children's Sunday school program where they could go off during the sermon. But by the time they were eight or so, they were in the service with me (Doug has always been up front and not sitting with us).

I remember having a few rules for them (and our church was much smaller then, with just a couple hundred people). One was that they had to stay by my side after the service,  and they couldn't leave to go visit someone unless they checked with me first. This was just so I knew where they were. Maybe I was too strict, but I didn't want to be searching for them every few minutes. And Doug was at the door greeting folks, so I couldn't ask him to spot the kids. Of course, after they were a little older, they wandered off to visit friends, but while they were dinky I kept them pretty close. The other big rule was no running. We've always had elderly members, some with walkers or canes, and it is dangerous to have little kids wheeling around.

I also tried not to make them stand beside me and listen for ages to conversations that were either over their heads or of no interest to them. How dull is that? So I either tried to include them in the conversation, or I sent them off to visit with their friends. It seems rude to  ignore our children, whatever their age. Don't you just hate it when you have a small child who needs your attention, and the adult speaking with you doesn't seem to notice?

The little ones in our congregation say the "Amen!" with the rest of us, they raise their hands in the Doxology, and they kneel down for confession in prayer. We are bringing them along side us. We are their people and we want them to know it. Even though much of the sermon may be over their heads, many parents have activities for the kids to help them concentrate. One I've heard of is to make a tick mark on a piece of paper every time the minister says a certain word, depending on the sermon topic. This helps keep them tuned in. Doug has received many pencil drawings of him in the pulpit, drawn by little hands during the sermon. (As you can imagine, some of them are pretty amazing!) And of course we do have a mothers' room and a fathers' room where they can take little ones out of the service if necessary.

We  want to help the children participate in worship, not just be quiet observers. Our bulletin lists the songs we'll be singing the following week, so some parents review the songs with their kids during the week so they will be familiar. If my husband is preaching through a book in the Bible, then the parents can prep the kids for the upcoming section of Scripture for the next week. And they can pray as a family for the worship service, for the music minister and the Sunday school teacher and preacher and even the chair setter-uppers. This is another way to help the kids feel a part of the worship service.

We visited one church where the pastor's children were setting up the sound system and the Lord's table before the service! I was amazed at their proficiency.

Worship is demanding for adults, so it must not be easy for the kids. It requires preparation and concentration. And the beauty of preparing your kids for Sunday worship is that it helps prepare you as well.

Are you happy?

When I was in college, I became aware of just how unhappy I was. I saw no real reason to be unhappy: I was healthy, I had friends, I had parents who loved me, I had food enough and clothing and shelter. But I found that none of these things satisfied me. Life seemed futile and meaningless, and so it was.

I began asking others if they were happy, deep-down happy, but I always got the same negative response. Pretty much universal unhappiness out there in the world.

Now I can look back on that time knowing that happiness for creatures is impossible apart from a restored relationship with the Creator. Those apart from Christ will always try to find happiness in all the worst places. It is only found in Christ, and what a relief unspeakable it was for me to find that in Him!

But even Christians can sometimes find themselves unhappy, which is antithetical to our calling in Christ. Christians can sin and get bogged down and distracted. But we know the way back and the door is always open.

Scripture has a few things to say about happiness. So let's take a look.

1. Whoever trusts in the Lord, happy is he (Prov. 16:20). If we are unhappy, it could be we are worrying  rather than trusting our good God.

2. He who has mercy on the poor, happy is he (Prov. 14.21). Try this next time you are feeling unhappy: reach out and show mercy to those less fortunate than you.

3. Happy is the man who is always reverent (Prov. 28:14). Have you been honoring, showing respect to, reverencing, fearing the Lord?

4. Happy is he who keeps the law (Prov. 29:18). Oh, ouch. Have you been cutting corners? Telling little lies? Indulging in a little gossip? Not putting things all the way right? That will eat away at your happiness for years to come. Make it right.

5. Happy is he who has the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the Lord his God (Psalm 146:5). Consider who it is you have the privilege to call your Father. Hope in Him. Be happy in His help.

6. Happy are the people who are in such a state; Happy are the people whose God is the Lord! (Ps. 144:15). This psalm describes what a blessed culture looks like. When we have a Christian community, we have much to rejoice in. We know who we are. We are not confused or lost. We are God's people, and that should make us happy.

7. If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God rests upon you; on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified (1 Peter 4:14). This means when you get flack from co-workers, family members, or even strangers at the grocery store for being a Christian, you should realize this is the sign of God's blessing. This includes those rude comments about your (more than two) children. Remember in such times that the spirit of God and glory is resting on you. That should make you happy.

8. Finally, we should remember that happiness is a great benefit to us and a means of glorifying God. He is the source of all happiness, and we return thanks to Him. Happiness is joy, blessedness, and contentment, and these things should characterize our lives.

Communication Blindspots

When you are driving down the road, and you're thinking of changing lanes, you have to do a head check, because if you don't, bad things can happen. Your mirror won't show a car if it is right smack in the middle of your blind spot.

In the same way, we all have personal blindspots. We think we see, but there is something very large and very near that we are completely missing. We're on a collision course, and if we do not proceed with caution, we are going to get clobbered or we're going to clobber someone else.

Some of our blindspots are those little quirky things that are not sinful. It gives our loved ones something to overlook (or even love) about us. But sometimes a blindspot is a snare that causes real trouble. And often we are guilty of the very same blindspot that annoys us in others. We get bothered when they move their car over without looking, but we are guilty of cutting off cars regularly ourselves, and we seldom notice it.

Let me give you some made-up examples of this kind of blindspot. You get annoyed when someone interrupts you, but you interrupt others. You think your husband doesn't listen to you, but when he asks you to do something, you forget. You hate it when your mom tells you what to do, but you boss your little sister like crazy. You think your husband is not meeting your needs, and meanwhile, you know nothing of his.

This can be a particular problem in the area of communication. Let's say a wife is wanting to improve communication with her husband. (Know any women who want to do that?) Nothing wrong with that.  Okay so far. But if she has a blind spot here, her plan won't include how she can become a better communicator by drawing her husband out, asking him questions, or listening to what he has to say. Rather, it will be more about how he can become a better communicator (which means listening to her),  meeting her need for communication. And I probably don't need to tell you that this can drive a husband crazy.

The best way to deal with blind spots is to begin by asking God to show them to you. Most of the readers of this blog are probably the kind of women who want to know what their blindspots are because they want to grow in godliness. So ask God first. Pray for wisdom. Then, if you're up to it, ask your husband. But don't do this first unless you are absolutely sure you are up to the response. If you ask your husband about a blindspot, and he gives you an honest answer, and then you get your feelings hurt….it's unproductive. Next time you ask, he'll think twice about telling you what he really thinks. So ask God to show you, and then take action on the areas that are in front of you. Keep it between you and God.

Meanwhile, be open when others offer unsolicited input. If you get prickly or defensive at such times, then this area just might be one of your blindspots. A wise woman receives correction. Thank the person bringing it and be willing to pray about it.  Blind spots really are blind. We really can't see them. We have to ask God to open our eyes, and I'm pretty sure that's a prayer He likes to answer.

Fabric Giveaway!

If anyone out there is feeling inclined to add to their fabric stash, I'm giving away 2 1/2 yards of my fabric over at the Amoretti blog! (Come on – you know you want to sew something . . . . )

Baby Time.

It's true! Baby number six has been making its tiny presence known in this house for the last many weeks. I just read the other day that hormone is the Greek word for impact. SO insightful. I mean, I try to be a pretty mellow person. But give me one whiff of a pregnancy-related hormone, and my body goes off like a bottle rocket of over-reactions. Luckily for me, there is a houseful of children here to sprinkle humor all over life. Blaire pretends to puke, rushing off to the bathroom, making everyone else howl with laughter. The bigger kids love to hush each other up whenever some kind of food is mentioned "DON'T TALK ABOUT FOOD OR MOM WILL PUKE!!!" And we are old enough now to know that we forget about this phase later. We know that the baby at the end is worth anything in the middle, and more than anything we know that this baby is a gift. So, happy times all around!

But I am not the only one growing a baby these days, it seems to be quite the trend. I've been thinking back on having the other kids, about being a first time mom, about being new to the world of nursing sagas. Thinking about welcoming babies, about things that could have been easier. Thinking of things that I've learned now, but wish I knew the first time. Terribly incomplete, but I can't focus for very long these days, so you will have to forgive that!

Ways to Ease the Welcoming of Babies

1) Buy some new make-up, get a haircut, paint your toenails, and get some cozy new stretchy lounge clothes that are cheerful and fresh before you have the baby. It makes you feel so much better, and the pictures will thank you. With my first baby, I gained 22 pounds. She was almost 9 pounds. I figured with the placenta, the water, and everything else (besides the fact that you feel super skinny right after delivering),  I could at least get into a few of my old clothes. Pulling out what I had deemed a loose button up shirt, I was unable to button any button but the neck. Nice. Don't do this. Just wait until you are in a mentally and spiritually stable place before trying on your pre-pregnancy clothes! Now I have a pile of fat pants and fat chance pants, proving that I have travelled this road before.

2) In the very beginning, trust your instincts, and look to your baby for answers. Do not let other people tell you what your baby needs, figure it out yourself. Of course I am not meaning to disregard medical advice or serious situations. I mean, in the normal scheme of "Is she hungry? Is she gassy? Is she wet? Is she tired?" Try to figure it out with your baby. Don't stress about the baby crying and run look somewhere else for answers. Stay calm, look to your baby and work on figuring it out. And then, don't take this too seriously. If you can't figure it out, and you are sleep deprived and desperate, get help! Ask for ideas from people you trust.

3) About worry. I'm sure every mother remembers the first baby worry. Little burbles in the night, squeaks, choking while nursing, etc. Just remember that your baby is a gift, not a statistic. God created and sustained that life inside you. He gave you this child, open your hands to Him, and trust Him to protect what He has given you. I can remember specific times when I had to think "Do not cling to this baby like it belongs to you. Open your hands to God, and trust Him to protect and preserve this little life." Your protective instincts are good, but don't let them rule over your heart.

4) Take advantage of the help you hopefully have in the first week or so. Everyone tells you this, but sleep when the baby sleeps! I did not do this the first couple times. Now, I know well that the help will end, the days will come where you cannot shnooze in the middle of the day. Sleep when you can! It pays off when you are up in the night.

5) If you have other kids – especially little ones, put a baby gate in your bedroom door. I did this with Blaire, and it really helped. She slept in our room, so first thing in the morning I would clean our room, make the bed, etc. Then step over the gate into the real world. When I needed to nurse her, or change a blowout, I would go into our room. The little kids could come to the door, ask questions, and shout observations about how cute she was. It enabled me to not spend all the nursing time saying "no, don't climb on my lap. Don't lean on the baby! Back off!" The gate was a simple way to enforce a boundary that everyone would have forgotten to obey in the excitement of a diaper change.

6) I used gallon ziploc bags to make what we called "blowout kits". They smashed flat easily in a purse or diaper bag, and came in excessively handy more times than I could easily tabulate. I included a one piece outfit (usually pajamas), a cloth diaper or two (the cheap kind – in lieu of a changing pad). Diapers and wipes we always have in my purse, in the glove compartment, and in my husbands back pocket, so I don't include those. The best part is that you simply insert all the soiled goods right back into the ziploc, later to be plunged into oxyclean. If your child is a blowout hobbyist, you might want to keep one in the car too. And a stack of cheap cloth diapers kept me from always having to change the changing pad, or sanitize the diaper bag.

7) Do not mind telling people who want to hold your baby "no thanks." If you don't feel like passing your baby around, don't. This is a great reason to have a baby carrier of some description. It keeps people  from just trying to take the baby away from you, and might make you feel less awkward about saying no. Especially when the baby is new, and when a lot of people are around, feel totally free to say "I'm gonna take her back now, thanks!"  or "I'm gonna keep him right now." Babies are not public domain, it's ok to say no. You and your husband are the only people who have rights, everyone else is just asking.

Enjoy yourself. You know babies- they don't stay that way long!