Mark A. Rayner's Blog: Mark A. Rayner's Goodreads Blog, page 55

Video dating

“So is it on?” Voice from off-camera: “Let me check.” [camera shakes slightly] “Yep, you’re good.” “Okay, so you might not guess this from looking at me, but I’m actually a real sensitive dude. I enjoy art, black and white … Continue reading →

But how do you get the cats to sing on key?

Alltop uses bagpipes whenever its torturing other humor aggregators.

Last chance to get Pirate Therapy free on Kindle: today and tomorrow

This is the last time I’ll be giving Pirate Therapy and Other Cures away for free, so download it while you can. If you don’t have a Kindle, there’s lots of Kindle apps available for other devices. Here’s some of … Continue reading →

Future History: Wall Street Wiles

Excerpt from the Brainipedia mentograph entry on Wall Street, circa 2020: It wasn’t until the early years of the 2020s that our pre-singularity hominid ancestors realized they should not allow their best and brightest minds to go into the financial … Continue reading →

Ask General Kang: How do I make myself look attractive on a dating site?

Your human mating rituals are really quite amusing. Dating sites are so passé on my homeworld of Neecknaw. Instead of dating sites, we have two bi-weekly “Gathering of the Gonads” in which our eligible primates are displayed in natural habitats— … Continue reading →

Clown Apocalypse: The Clownsickle

One of the worst things about the clown apocalypse was just sorting out the sick from the opportunistic psycho-killers, who used the disaster to cover their own heinous activities. Many victims of these clown psychos, or clownsickles, as they are … Continue reading →

I Am the Leggman

There is no more tragic story from the early days of cycling than the legendary Vance (The Leggman) Leggstrong. For a period of nearly a decade, none could match his feats of strength, endurance and mind-bending willpower on the Penny … Continue reading →

Problems of the technological singularity

Alltop has nightmares too. No funny blogs!

Ask General Kang: How do I keep my two-year-old son from killing his mother (my wife)?

First off, you probably need to untie her and let her run away from the frisky little tyke. Oh and stop giving him knives to play with. By the way, you know you’re ripping off “Stewie” from The Family Guy? … Continue reading →

The book of transformation

He had no idea how long he’d been there. It seemed like an age. All around him was the sound of the other body parts. Two pages over the heart wouldn’t shut up. Thump-whoosh, thump-whoosh, it pumped its non-existent blood, … Continue reading →