Mark A. Rayner's Blog: Mark A. Rayner's Goodreads Blog, page 51

Ask General Kang: How do I keep my New Year’s resolutions?

We had a similar custom on my homeworld, Neecknaw, but there we called them Slorg Wishes. Slorg was once the Overlord of our planet, back in the Taupe Ages — he was known colloquially as the Beige Lord, but he … Continue reading →

Ask General Kang: How do you deal with wrap rage?

Wrap rage, for all my readers who are unfamiliar with the phenomenon, is the rising anger and dementia that you feel when you are unable to open the shiny new thing you have just purchased with your hard-earned cash. CDs … Continue reading →

Ask General Kang: What is the penalty for plagiarism on your planet?

Plagiarism is the “act of stealing the ideas and/or expression of another and representing them as your own,” though I can’t remember where I got that quote from — just Google it for the source. On my home planet of … Continue reading →

The Thomas Kincaid Pop-Up Christmas Tree and Consumer Happiness Dispenser

(from the 2037 Hammacher Schlemmer Glaven catalog) This is a six-foot Christmas tree that pops up instantly and is pre-decorated with original artwork by renowned holiday artist Thomas Kinkaid, all of which can dispense Viritron’s patented Santa Virus. The tree … Continue reading →

The Laser Equipped Autonomous Robotic Vacuum

(from the 2037 Hammacher Schlemmer Glaven catalog) This is the robotic vacuum that navigates autonomously through your home up to seven times per week, where it can either clean your floors or patrol for intruders. The unit’s specially designed dual, … Continue reading →

The Best Levitation Belt

from the 2037 Hammacher Schlemmer Glaven catalog This levitation belt earned The Best rating from the Hammacher Schlemmer Glaven Institute because it was the easiest to put on and operate while falling from a building. 48 out of 49 of … Continue reading →

The Frozen Soylent Green Soft Serve Processor

from the 2037 Hammacher Schlemmer Glaven catalog This is the device that instantly turns Soylent Green and other flavorings into a soft-serve treat. The unit combines frozen Soylent Green and any additional Soylent products you can scavenge and instantly churns … Continue reading →

Last chance to get Pirate Therapy and Other Cures for free

You can download the Kindle edition for free, today and Monday only! “Mr. Rayner brings us wit, sarcasm, and a slightly deranged view of the world, as he sees it, in Pirate Therapy and Other Cures. From “wrap rage” which … Continue reading →

The Cybernetic Thought Projection Hat

from the 2037 Hammacher Schlemmer Glaven catalog This hat recalls the iconic headgear worn by the Cognition Brigade during the Second Robotic War. First developed for long distance thought projection, hats of this design were worn by countless Though Soldiers … Continue reading →

A Robot Regrets

Meeptron the Bio-Destruction Bot looked out at the wasteland that once was Peoria and thought that his work had actually made it look nicer. Of course, he was programmed that way, so he couldn’t really help it. He thought about … Continue reading →