Mark A. Rayner's Blog: Mark A. Rayner's Goodreads Blog, page 56

Pirate etymology: sea dog

Many believe the term stems from the dog-like appearance of the seal, while others claim it is grizzled old sailors. Both of these are correct, nautically speaking, but not when it comes to the pirate. Pirates, and more particularly, privateers, … Continue reading →

The rush of heaven downward

I wrote this in 2003, and it was originally published in Flash Me magazine that year. It also appears in my collection, Pirate Therapy and Other Cures, and is probably the only serious story in the book. I thought it … Continue reading →

Take me to your breeder

Klaktron XII was the Hyper-Commander of the United Federation of Incredibly Regular Planets Space Vessel, Cheeznip. His was a storied career. He’d eaten ultrasonic oysters in the Seafood Nebula, and lived to tell the tale (in five-part harmony). He’d fought … Continue reading →

Classic miscommunication

He’d met her at a bar uptown, and she seemed like a classy dame, but there was something odd about her. When she’d said, “you know Lance, I’d really like to show you my sink, and you could play with … Continue reading →

Ask General Kang: The Home Edition

The walls of my house are bleeding, and I keep finding an ax next to my bed when I wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of bells. Do you have any idea what color I … Continue reading →

Professor Quippy: This Thanksgiving It’s Velociraptor

The dreaded velociraptor is looking less and less like a Spielbergian nightmare, and more like something you could safely serve with cranberries. New research into the fossilized forearm discovered in Mongolia in 1998 by The American Museum of Natural History … Continue reading →

At least it’s not field hockey

Jenna hated physical education. All the girls stared at her in the change-room (she was one of the first to develop), and her hand-eye coordination was rotten. Reaping class, on the other hand, was her favorite. She especially liked the … Continue reading →

Want cyborg teddy!

Early efforts at creating a human-machine hybrid were unsuccessful. The subject did not gain any of the benefits of cyborgism — extended lifespan, bone-crushing strength, heightened mental faculties — and in the process, the computer used to augment the human … Continue reading →

Little Cindi Cyborg

The best part about the Little Cindi Cyborg doll was that it was a great way to teach kids responsibility. Not only was each Little Cindi Cyborg semi-sentient, she was outfitted with a hyper-plasma retainer and an ocular implant that … Continue reading →

Truculent Guitar Blastocyte

Sister Mary Xtron the Destroyer and her accompanist, Sister Mary Catherine Crudlik-Pamby (of the Space Ship BingePowder) will be in the Trans-Vatican this week for a limited engagement, entertaining His Hyper-Holiness, The Trans-Dimensional RoboPope, Lexnor Innocent III, and his Death … Continue reading →