Mark A. Rayner's Blog: Mark A. Rayner's Goodreads Blog, page 147

Professor Quippy: Obnoxious? Check. Thick-necked? Check. Bully? Check.

Recent research from the Institution of the Painfully Obvious has revealed what spindly-legged nerds have known for generations: jocks are jerks.

Ah, but the study actually provides some interesting context and nuance as well — well- rounded jocks are much more likely to be well-adjusted and NICE people.

The study was partially funded by the 4-H, and, according to Newsweek shows:

"…jocks really are jerks—if they focus exclusively on sports at the expense of other more-well rounded programs. But k

The New Season of Mad Men

It had been an off-hand comment. Passionate, but completely unrehearsed.

They'd just finished watching the opening show of the new Mad Men season, and Bob turned to his wife Janice, and said, "you know, I really don't think you could improve upon this show. This really is the best thing on television right now. No scratch that. The best thing NEAR television. There's no way you could make it any better. I mean, it's historically accurate. It's dramatic. God-damned it Janice, it's just fuc

Boating

Founded by Jesleyan Fortran Jessup, the Jessuptians, a Puritan sect similar to the Baptists, but less fun, would have become a major influence in Colonial politics.

If they had understood how boats worked.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com think that all-in-all, it's just another brick… Photo via Postaltrice.

Bonus Audio: The Monkey's Tail…

This story has been published a few times: first in Trunk Stories #2 (Dec. 2004), and then it was reprinted in Broken Pencil #29 (2005) and most recently in Yareah Magazine, (Feb. 2009). I thought I would repost it here in it's entirety and add this is audio version, as a bona fide of my long obsession with monkey-related fiction.

Here's the audio:

And a link to the file if the embedded player doesn't work properly — The Monkey's Tail … by Mark A. Rayner

The Monkey's Tail, as Told by Marcel Ducham

Sometimes a cigar is only a cigar (redux)

There was no doubt about it, Max's favourite activity at Camp Oonaway was archery.

There was nothing more satisfying than getting help with his stance, finding the right way to draw, keeping one's fingers firm, yet loose, while lowering the bow into position. The delicious twang and thwap as he released the shaft.

And don't even get him started on how exciting it was to hit the bulls eye.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com both enjoy fletching. Photo via Retrozone.

How it all began, I mean, AFTER the nuclear explosion

[phone rings:]

Sumiko: Soto Noodle — you will want to suck them fast!

Godzilla: So you serve noodles?

Sumiko: Yes sir, we are noodle shop.

Godzilla: Excellent, I'd like an order of noodles, shaken not stirred.

[pause:]

Sumiko: I'm sorry sir, what you say?

Godzilla: No, wait I've changed my mind. Is your refrigerator running?

Sumiko: Of course it is sir.

Godzilla: Then you'd better go catch it! No wait, say "is your refrigerator running!"

Sumiko: Fuck uh you, sir!

[sound of Gozilla screeching in city-rendin

Venn Diagrams of Publishing, Hypocrisy and Despair

Okay, this one isn't entirely original, but I have tarted it up a bit. Made me laugh because of its truthiness, and lest you think I am judging, I fall into the "bloggers" category too!

I found the original at The Atlantic here.

You may also want to check out another older one, Economies of Despair:

The commentary is a hoot.

Now, please help me prove this second one wrong by going to my publisher's website, and buying a copy of Marvellous Hairy. (Only $16.80 Canadian.) Let me know you did so in th

It's like every parent's nightmare

Find the video here if the embed thingy dies.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com run around in circles too!

If you watch carefully at the end, you can see the dog laughing

Okay, I know this is an extremely immature video, and not up to The Skwib's usual standards for immaturity, but it is funny.

(In an extremely immature way.)

Plus, it has a "laser".

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here if the embed thingy bites back.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com are also fascinated by shiny objects.

Forty-seven signs of the apocalypse (#38)

From the Book of Libations

Lo! The time shall come and the people shall not concern themselves with the Law. And in this dark time, the people shall crave the flesh of the pig, and many will not care that it is Forbidden.

Verily, many shall be law abiding, but still ingest the unclean creature in a form most alluring. And this Savory Succubus shall take hold of the people, and there will be frying, and the power of the sky will be applied to these strips of meat, and the people will rejoice i