Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 460

May 12, 2013: Dinner and drinks with Lisa!

Last night, Akemi and I played host to my old Stargate pal, Lisa.  Wow, it feels like just yesterday I was strolling down the hall of the Production Offices to chat with the gals from accounting (and put off writing that script).  Our evening in pictures…

Lisa arrives, looking sassy.

Her earrings = less sassy and more, well, hooty?

We were expecting five for dinner – Akemi, Lisa, Lisa’s husband, my buddy Cas, and myself.  Alas, her hubby canceled so we ended up with a fair amount of leftovers.  I ended up sending Lisa home with an extra steak. For her husband.  I assume.

P.E.I. rib-eyes – I heavily salted them and let them sit for an hour, then rinsed them off, patted them dry, and seasoned them with thyme.  I then vacuum sealed them with a little olive oil and crushed garlic and cooked them in a  sous-vide bath at 56 degrees celsius for 3 hours.  I finished off by pan-searing them over medium-high heat for 30 seconds on each side, then let them rest for five minutes before serving.  

I seasoned the salmon with salt, garlic powder, pepper, and a little yuzu powder.  I placed a baking tray filled with an inch of water on the bottom rack, set the oven to 200 degrees, and then put the salmon in on the top rack.  After 20 minutes, I turned off the oven and let it sit for another twenty minutes.  I finished with a little chopped chive from the garden.

I used Scott Conant’s Scarpetta spaghetti recipe for this one.  Some of the highlights include using a potato masher on the stewing tomatoes and using an olive oil infused with basil, garlic, and chili. 

Veggiest (not pictured): purple cabbage with maple balsamic, and (unintentionally) crispy stir-fried broccoli (which I forgot to take off the heat).

In addition to the dessert Lisa brought…

A cream puff assortment from Beta 5.  Flavors included chocolate, vanilla, the ever-popular salted caramel, creamsicle, pistachio and sour cherry (one of my faves), strawberry-matcha, and raspeberry- Earl Grey.

And, finally, we capped things off with booze.  We tried a little chartreuse, had some of that terrific root liquor with ginger beer, and, of course…

A scotch and whisky assortment.

As I mentioned in a previous entry, I’ve never been a big scotch drinker – but have had my interest piqued by the Prohibition-ear gangsters running all that tasty-looking whisky on Boardwalk Empire. So, I picked up a few bottles for a tasting.  Five out of the six are scotches – so-called because they were produced and aged for at least three years in Scotland.  The lone dissenter, Nikka, is a Japanese whisky.  The five scotches were surprisingly different.  The 10 year old Laphroaig is the boldest, smokiest of the lot.  The 14 year old Oban was, in my opinion, the easiest-drinking scotch.  I couldn’t really pick out the almond and vanilla notes supposedly present in the Sauterne cask-aged 12 year old Glenmorangie Nectar D’or.  The 12 year old Cardhu was a treat.  Apparently, it’s so popular in Japan that it is purchased in bulk, directly from the distillery, making it a hard “get”.

Everyone else had their scotch on the rocks but I find the ice dilutes the flavor.  I opted for a drop or two of room temperature water instead.

The results?  If I had to rate them in order of preference:

1. Nikka, 2. Oban, 3. Lophraig, 4. Cardhu, 5. Glenlivet, 6. Glenmorangie.

But, really, they were all very good.  And, by night’s end, I was feeling a lot like Bubba here…

May 11, 2013: Dinner disaster averted! News of note!

Thanks for the vegetarian recipe tips but, as it turns out, the presumed vegetarian coming over for dinner tonight is actually a pescetarian, meaning she also eats fish (as opposed to a Pescadorian who lives on one of the 64 islands in the Formosa Strait).  This also means I have only one vegetarian friend – and even that’s not for certain as, last I heard, Ashleigh may have been fallen off the wagon.  Bacon is a powerful drug.

So, anyway, as a result, tonight’s dinner menu looks this: sous-vide rib-eyes, oven roasted wild spring salmon, spaghetti with tomato and fresh basil, purple cabbage with maple balsamic, stir-fried broccoli, cream puffs, and four kinds of scotch.

Some news of note:

Non-skinny customers, Abercrombie & Fitch doesn’t need your business.  Abercrombie & Fitch CEO slammed for targeting thin customers in comments made seven years ago | Shine On – Shine from Yahoo! Canada  Fallout from a 2006 interview.  It took the public seven years to notice?

Just in time for Mother’s Day: 11 Facts That Show How Hard Moms Work

21 Devastatingly Accurate Movie Reviews (Featured Partner)  The Wizard of Oz: “Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again.”

I’m sure it seemed like not a good idea at the time: ‘Gunmen’ Hired to Storm Movie Theater for Traumatizing Publicity Stunt

SFSignal offers its own Crowd Funding Roundup: SF/F Crowd Funding Roundup For 05/11/2013

Scientists May Have Found Brazilian Atlantis  No, no.  That’s just where we parked it after the events of Enemy at the Gate.

Another dog in need.  Some sad, shady goings-on in Salem, MO: Save Phineas

May 10, 2013: Ask Altaïr! Fight Apophis! Vegetarian Alert!

This is it!  The last day to get your questions in for Assassin Creed’s Altaïr Ibn-La’Ahad (aka Cas Anvar)!

Learn the secrets of the Levantine Brotherhood of Assassins.  Ask him now!

Lulu is a huge fan.

Hey, on the heels of yesterday’s Kickstarter entry, I received an email from space lawyer and author Virgilu Pop who has asked me to put the word out.  He needs YOUR help in the fight against Apophis.  No, really…

Save Earth from killer asteroids – just like SG-1 in Fail Safe!  Learn more here: www.apoph.is

And one more shout out for the SF web series, Nobility -

Starring Babylon 5′s Claudia Christian and Assassin Creed’s Cas Anvar…

http://goo.gl/rLERO

NobilityTheSeries.com

VEGETARIAN ALERT!  VEGETARIAN ALERT!  Tomorrow night, I’ll be entertaining one of my two vegetarian friends.  She’ll be coming over for dinner and, apparently, a fancied-up side dish masquerading as a main course aint gonna cut it.  I can’t simply substitute an entire eggplant for a chicken in that roast chicken recipe.  I need a tasty vegetarian dish.  And this, my friends, is where you all come in.  Please be so kind as to post your best, can’t fail, delicious, vegetarian main course recipe.  Help a non-vegetarian help a vegetarian out.

Tagged: Altair, Apophis, Assassin's Creed, Cas Anvar, Killer Asteroid, killer asteroids, Nobility

May 9, 2013: Kickstarter round-up! Recipe round-up!

Paul and I have been in a holding pattern for months now, waiting to hear word on not one, not two, not three, but FOUR different projects – three pilots and a feature. What’s interesting is that, in all four cases, the scripts are with someone(s) who likes them and has expressed interest in seeing them produced.  We’ve received very positive word and been told that a decision is imminent.  That was months ago and we’re still waiting.

We can’t be too upset because no one has passed.  And we can’t be too happy because we’ve yet to be given a green light.  We CAN, however, be cautiously optimistic.  The network loved the changes we made to the urban fantasy pilot and it has been bumped up the chain of command.  The other network loves the Dark Matter pilot, we have the other players in place, and word is imminent (yesterday according to one source).  Yet another network loves that non-genre pilot, loved the game plan I talked them through a couple of weeks ago, and just (today) requested a written document outlining our plans for the show’s first two seasons.  And a production company loves the premise of the horror script and have been looking do something very similar for a while now.  It seems as though we’re close…

Of course, that’s how I felt in January.  Yep.  I remember thinking: “Any day now…”.

Realistically, it SHOULD be any day now.  But if it’s not, Paul and I have travel plans to L.A. for some meet and greets, while Ivon and I have plans to go the Kickstarter route and simply shoot the horror film ourselves with some old Stargate friends.  In an ideal scenario, we could fund the movie through crowd sourcing and deferred payments, produce it, land a distributor, then pay everyone back with the profits. However, according to Ivon, I think this runs counter to Kickstarter rules.  If we want to go through Kickstarter, we should instead be offering investors alternate rewards like signed scripts, set visits, perhaps a cameo as a colorful victim (Disembowelment or defenestration?  YOU decide!).

Anyway, Ivon have discussed the possibility off and on over the past couple of months.  And, the other day, my buddy Cas mentioned a Kickstarter project he’s involved with – an SF web series its creators have dubbed “The Office in space”. Intrigued, I headed over to Kickstarter and checked out their project – along with several others that I thought I’d bring to your attention…

NOBILITY

An SF web series – “The Office in space” – headlined by Babylon 5′s Claudia Christian and my friend, Cas Anvar.

NobilityTheSeries.com

Kickstarter: http://goo.gl/rLERO

KILL ALL MONSTERS

Kill All Monsters: Ruins of Paris is the printed first volume of the hit webcomic about monsters and the giant robots that kill them.

Kickstarter: kill-all-monsters-volume-1-ruins-of-paris

THE VERY HUNGRY CATERPILLAR

Cthulhu eats your childhood in this Lovecraftian spin on classic children’s literature. What can a cthulhupillar eat in a week?

Kickstarter: the-very-hungry-cthulhupillar

BENSON BYE

Benson Bye is a heart warming short film about a man with autism who must transfer to a new facility leaving his younger sister behind.

Kickstarter: benson-bye

PRETTY GOOD NUMBER ONE: AN AMERICAN FAMILY EATS TOKYO

An American family spends a month in a 260-square-foot Tokyo apartment in this humorous food and travel memoir.

Kickstarter: Pretty Good Number One: An American Family Eats Tokyo

THE HOGBEN CHRONICLES OF HAROLD KUTTNER

This project is a labor of love to bring the unique work of Henry Kuttner to a new generation of readers.

Kickstarter: The Hogben Chronicles of Henry Kuttner

So, hey, how did you all do with the Puerco Pibil recipe?  Mine was a resounding success…

Big, bold, delicious flavors.  I wonder how it would work using an even more marbled cut like, say, the pork belly?

How’d you all do?

Next up = Shiny’s sancocho!

Mince a little garlic (2 cloves), onions (1/4 cup chopped), parsley and devil weed aka cilantro and roast in a sauce pan with a little olive oil; toss in slices of polska kielbasa (enough for 2 servings) and add some white pepper and paprika. If you have shrimp, toss them in now.

Once the bold sausage oils have mingled with the gentle olive oils and the onions are sweated you can pour in a can of plain ol’ Campbell’s chicken soup (low salt) and yes, a can of water (see? I know it’s low rent but it is tasty).

Stir that up and let it simmer for a few minutes, then add: 1/2 cup of gnocchi, 1/2 cup of cabbage, and a firm ripe plantain cut into medallions; the plaintain should be a nice yellow color, not too dry but not so ripe that it’s mushy. Toss in a 1/2 cup of chickpeas or sweet peas if you prefer; the bean of your choice.

Let it simmer until the plantain turns a bright pretty deep yellow and the gnocchi are nice and fat, prolly another 5 to 10 minutes.

Serve with Whole Wheat Grilled Cheese sandwiches, made with lots of butter and Gouda cheese.

Tagged: Benson Bye, kickstarter, Kill All Monsters, Nobility, Pretty Good Number One: An American Family Eats Tokyo, Puerco Pibil, The Hogben Chronicles of Harold Kuttner, The Very Hungry Caterpillar

May 8, 2013: Dog rescue? Ask Altaïr! And a mailbag!

I was out walking my pug, Bubba, this afternoon and we were about three blocks from home when I heard the telltale jingle-jangle of a dog collar approaching from behind.  I glanced back, across the street, at a little white dog scampering up the sidewalk headed in our direction and then, from the corner of my eye, caught the truck barreling toward us. I estimated that, at their current rate of speed, dog and truck would meet smackdab in the middle of the intersection.  I scanned the surroundings.  No owner – no anyone else – in sight.  Just the dog, trotting along, oblivious to the looming danger, and that truck on a collision course.  Doing my best traffic cop, I stepped off the sidewalk, well clear of the truck’s trajectory, raised my hand and waved.  The dog hopped off the curb.  The driver noticed me, presumably saw the dog, and hit the brakes.  The truck stopped short, feet from the do who continued along, right past it, and over to Bubba – who, of course, freaked out and snapped at him.

The little guy was incredibly laid back and, as the truck motored off, took a seat beside me.  I checked his tags, found a name (Barker) and a number which I called.  I asked the fellow who answered the phone whether he had a little white dog.  In fact, he did.  I told him what had happened.  He seemed unperturbed, as though this wasn’t Barker’s first jailbreak.  As it turned out, we were kitty corner from his house. “The big blue one,”he informed me.  ”Just bring him back to the girls.”

So I did, scooping him up under one arm, crossing the street, walking up to the front door and ringing the doorbell.  A young girl, late teens or early twenties, answered the door.  She was on her cell phone.  I explained the situation: her loose dog, the truck, catastrophe averted. She stared back at me quizzically.  Was it something I’d said? Something whoever she was chatting with on the phone had said?  A second, older woman, maybe in her early thirties, peeked out from around the corner and threw me a “Dude, what are you doing with my dog?” look.  I explained the situation for the third time, handed them their dog and, while the older woman mumbled a thanks and the younger girl resumed her cell phone conversation, Bubba and I headed back up the walk and home.

Weird.  While happy to have saved Barker’s life, I couldn’t help but feel as though they suspected me of having taken him in the first place.

Oh, for those of you wondering, Bubba is feeling much better.  The bandage is off and he’s lost the cone – along with his nail…

To those wondering – no, I didn’t buy two bottles of scotch just so I could torture Akemi.  They’re actually for me.  Something about watching Boardwalk Empire makes me want to drink whisky…

As I mentioned in yesterday’s entry, my old high school buddy, Cas Anvar (), in is in town shooting a movie.  His credits include Argo, Diana (in which he plays the part of Dodi opposite Naomi Watts as Princess Diana), and, various gaming roles (Halo 4, Call of Duty Black Ops 2, Star Wars Clone Wars), most notably Altaïr from the Assassin’s Creed video game series.  Hell, just last night, he was showing off his custom made retractable wrist blade.  When was the last time YOU had a house guest show you that?

Anyway, even if you’re not a gamer, you may recognize him -

As Sayid’s brother in Lost.

As Gentleman Starkey in the Neverland miniseries.

Or getting punched by Jake Gyllenhaal in Source code. That’ll teach him not to finish the last of the craft service donuts.

Anyway, since he’s somewhat accessible (whenever he’s not working, all I have to do is walk down the hall and kick in the door of the guest room), I thought it might be fun to do a Q&A.  So if you’ve got some questions for Cas, be they Assassin’s Creed-related or otherwise, post them over the next couple of days.

I’ve got a Puerco Pibil roasting in the oven.  Damn, it smells good!

Mailbag:

PBMom writes: “If you want a great character to model off of, watch Alphas and Gary if you are looking for higher end of the spectrum. If you ever wanted to come down and do some on-site research, I know Patrick’s school would welcome you with open arms. Of course, CARD in Los Angeles is excellent too and I know that Lou Diamond Phillips is on the board of directors so he’s got connections.”

Answer: Thanks for the tip.  I’d like to get a heavy amount of research in before sitting down to write the pilot.

Jesse writes: “Has there been any decision on the stack of blueprints? I’d be willing to digitize them, photo, scan, cad format… so that they can be shared with those that would like to have a set.”

Answer: Sorry, yes, decision has been made.  I just need to get my act – and all those blueprints together – and head down to my local Kinkos to have them scanned and digitized after which I’ll be giving them away to interested Stargate fans.

C.S. writes: “Have you ever considered starting a kickstarter for an Atlantis movie?”

Answer: This was already discussed in a previous entry (March 14, 2013: Veronica Mars fans are finally getting their movie! So when are Stargate fans getting THEIR movie?).  I’ll have more to say about kickstarter on an unrelated-to-Stargate note as part of tomorrow’s blog entry.

Deni writes: “Wasn’t it puerco pibil day?”

Answer: Today is puerco pibil day!  I moved the recipe showdown to Thursdays.  Tune in tomorrow for my take on Das’s recipe.

Tagged: Altair, Assassin's Creed, Cas Anvar

May 7, 2013: Altaïr checks in! Summer arrives! Scotch-tasting with Akemi!

Sorry.  Crazy-busy day today.  Entertained my visiting cousins.  Took Bubba in to get his bandage removed.  And I’m also hosting Altaïr from Asassin’s Creed who is in town shooting a movie.  No. Seriously.  This guy -

I went to high school with him.  Back then, he went by Cas.  I, on the other hand, was known as The Spider.

Right now he’s up in the guest room, sharpening his blade and whatnot, but once he’s settled in, I thought it might be fun to throw a little Q&A his way.  ”Are any of your blog readers gamers?”he asked hopefully tonight.  Hell, I’d be surprised if they weren’t!

Well, summer is finally here to stay.  How do I know?  Well -

Akemi has dusted off her parasol.

Discernible increase in my vVsits to Cadeaux Bakery.

Lulu seems lazier than usual.

Today, it gives me great pleasure to kick off a new blog segment: Scotch-tasting with Akemi.  In this installment, our resident scotch expert samples a 14 year old Oban and a 10 year old Laphroaig…

Both receive a #1 rating!

May 6, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Megamind!

If you loved The Incredibles, den you won’t mind Megamind!  It like a diet version of de former – great-looking and still enjoyable, but wit half de charm, humor, and clever plotting.  It won’t fill you up wit needless terrifik memories.

Space Baby and Alien Goldfish

Movie get off to fantastik start wit opening sekwence/parody of Superman movie.  Little alien baby packed away in space pod wit his alien goldfish companion and fired off into space.  Unfortunately for him, he not only space baby fleeing a doomed world dat day.   Other space baby beat him to Earth and end up adopted by wealthy loving family.  Our space baby end up raised by loving prison convikts.  Talk about tuff love!

Growing up, our boy misunderstood at school – and showed up by space-born rival.  Me feel very sorry for him and scenes make Monster want to go out and hug a bad guy.  Which me did, hugging skeevy looking gangsta who always selling crystal meth on corner of 4th and Sesame.  Two hours later, after me discharged from hospital minus wallet and four teeth, Monster feeling less sympathetic and huggy, but certainly more worldly.

Anyway, eventually, both grow up and choose career paths.    Rival decides to become superhero and calls hisself…Metro Man!

Super douche

Our kid decide to become a supervillain and call hisself…Megamind!

He have many great battles wit Metro Man – but always get his ass kicked.  Until de day he succeed!  He aktually kill his hated rival, Metro Man!

De End!

No, wait!  For some reazon dat never fully explained, Megamind miss Metro Man.  Yes, me suppose it becuz a supervillain not really have purpose witout a superhero to battle.  It be like a yang missing his ying (Monster reminded of Grover’s uncle who lost HIS ying in machine shop accident, but dat a story for another time).  It make sense on a philosophical level but it never expressed in any grounded way.  As a result, it feel like a big cheat.  In many ways, it indikative of movie’s biggest fault – an  unwillingness on part of writer to fully exploit movie’s potenshul.  Megamind only half as funny as it should be; only half as smart as it could be.

Dis relationship give new meaning to de term “blue balls”.

Using holographic disguise generator (BTW, it on Monster’s Christmas list) Megamind woo pretty reporter.  But he still (presumably) missing a challenge so he create a superhero by injekting regular shlub wit super DNA.

Supershlub!

But supershlub turn out to be major supervillain.  And so, Megamind have to become superhero!

Final battle offers great visuals and even a cool twist or two dat Monster not reveal for fear of giving away spoilers dat Metro Man still alive and dat Megamind use his dehydrating gun to save hisself.

Bad guy becomes a good guy and gets de girl and everyone learn valuable lesson.  Megamind learn it never too late to change.  Reporter learn it always good to keep an open mind.  And Cookie Monster learn me missed a similar movie called Despicable Me dat me will have to watch somewhere down de line.

Verdikt: Better den most but not super.

Rating: 7 chocolate chippee cookies.

Tagged: Cookie Monster, Cookie Monster film reviews, Cookie Monster movie reviews, Cookie Monster reviews Megamind, Megamind, superheroes, SuperMovie of the Week Club, supervillains

May 5, 2013: Parties, parks, sweets, and surgery!

We kicked off this busier-than-usual weekend by attending a party hosted by one of Akemi’s friends.  Yes!  Akemi has friends here in Vancouver.  It may not seem like a big deal but it is when one considers that Akemi is more  of a homebody whose outings are limited to the hourly English classes she attends every weekday.  It’s there that she has made quite a few friends, most of whom have already gone back to Japan – or will eventually return to Japan.  Her pal, Hazuki, who looks like she may be around for a while, invited us over for a steak and sushi soiree.

Hazuki and Akemi

It was quite a turnout – about fifteen people in all.  We feasted, watched the Canucks lose in overtime, and I regaled everyone with my elementary-level Japanese.  Then, a little after 10:00 p.m., we called it a night.  Yeah, I know.  That’s Carl-Binder-early!  It’s funny that whenever I line up the pros and cons of having kids, one of the negatives has always been the fear of being anchored.  No impromptu travel plans or long nights out for parents!  Or, ironically, dog owners. Instead of “We can’t go to Paris and leave the kids at home!” it’s “We can’t go to Tokyo and leave the dogs at home!” or, if you do end up taking that trip it’s not “I wonder how the kids are doing?” but “I wonder how the dogs are doing?”.  The other night, it wasn’t “We’ve got to get back home to the kids.” but “We’ve got to get back home to take the dogs out!”.  Even though we’re not THOSE PEOPLE, we’re THOSE PEOPLE.

It was a beautiful weekend, so what did we do?  Well, we went to the park.

The dog park of course…

Akemi and Bubba out on a date.

An exhausted Jelly and Lulu catch a lift instead.

And, really, nothing says summer like desserts.  This weekend, we visited two of our favorite sweet spots:

First, we dropped by Cadeaux Bakery -

Foret Vert: chocolate euphoria cake, pistachio mousse, sour cherries, and chocolate mousse.

Peaut Butter Parker Cake: Chocolate cookie crust, peanut butter mousse, and a chocolate glaze topped with caramelized peanuts.

Then we swung by Beta 5 to check out this month’s offerings -

Matcha and strawberry cream puff with strawberry icing

Early Grey and raspberry cream puff

And part of May’s Mad Hatter’s Tea Party theme…

Hookah Smoking Caterpillar: Tobacco ganache, whisky caramel, and smoked tea chocolates.

Queen of Hearts Polygon Bar: Freeze-dried raspberries blended with white chocolate and candied Earl Grey tea.  One bite and Akemi declared Beta 5 owner (and bar creator) Adam “a genius”.

Hedgehogs: caramelized locally-grown hazelnuts coated in layers of milk chocolate praline, milk and dark chocolates.

Also on the menu this month: The Happy Un-Birthday Cake Candy Bar (lemon sablee cookie sandwich, elderflower marshmallow and rhubarb jelly coated with 63% dark chocolate) and the Mad As A Hatter matcha and Yuzu-Infused Caramels.

The weekend was going swimmingly.  Then, late this morning, we brought our pug Bubba in to get his bandage changed.  He’s been on the mend since suffering a nasty paw injury (read all about it here: April 27, 2013: Bubba’s Bad Day! and here: April 30, 2013: Bubba on the mend! Entertaining cousin Evelina!).  The vet re-examined the the damaged nail and delivered the grim news: it wasn’t healing properly.  Bubba would have to undergo surgery.  My poor boy! So we left him there and picked him up six hours later…

Bubba’s sports the cone of shame. Also note the summery bandage.

Curiously, I dreamt about Bubba last night – dreamt that something bad happened to him.  And, as it turned out, something bad DID happen to him.  Prophetic?  Maybe.  Last week, I dreamt that the non-genre pilot under network consideration was greenlit to series. Prophetic?  Definitely!

May 4, 2013: Worst Presents Ever!

Oh, you know what I’m talking about.  Those hideous gifts that, for some reason, others thinks are simply adorable or just perfect for you but, in fact, leave you wondering WTF?  Seriously.  W-T-F?  Crocs?  A ceramic knick-knack?  A teal foulard?!  Of course, you bite your tongue, force a smile, and thank the giver for being so thoughtful – before re-gifting the monstrosity or packing it away to be discovered, generations from now, in the deepest, darkest corner of your crawlspace.

We’ve all received our fair share of truly terrible presents.  Here are a few of my most memorable:

The red sweater vest (what my friends derisively coined “the shvest”) my mother got me one Christmas when I was about ten.  ”It’s very stylish,”she insisted (mothers, of course, always being on the forefront of what’s cool and what’s not) as she made me try it on and parade around, much to my little sister’s delight.  The first and last time I wore it.  I wouldn’t be surprised to learn it’s still sitting upstairs in my old bedroom drawer.

“I figured you could use a Jets hat,”said my cousin, looking positively embarrassed as I eyed the cap.  Me, a life Raiders fan, glancing back at him, confused.  He shrugged as if to say “Yeah, let’s move on.”  Free swag?  Re-gift?  Found on the bus?  Hard to say but suffice it to say that cap remained in mint condition for a very long time.  The Jets?  When was the last time they were good?  Certainly not thirty years ago when I received this gift.

I remember heading downstairs with my little sister and cousins on Christmas Eve and trying to identify the contents of the brightly colored wrapping.  We would weigh, shake, feel and, of course, hold them up to the light.  Definitely a record.  I could make out letters and words “M—– Melodies”.  Of course!  Monster Melodies!  A collection of creature-feature themed tunes, the perfect present for the little horror aficionado.  I was thrilled.  Until I tore off the wrapping paper and discovered it wasn’t Monster Melodies but Messiah Melodies.  The perfect present for the little church hymn afocionado!

At the end of every season, my fellow Stargate produers and I would occasionally receive gifts from the cast.  It was never expected and always appreciated.  Well, the gesture was mightily appreciated.  The giant box of sour keys – not so much.  They sat in the writers room, untouched, for three years before mysteriously disappearing one night.

Another end of season gift – for the man who has everything, except a goldfish.  I wasn’t sure how to proceed.  Not exactly something I could pack away, and flushing it was out of the question.  Fortunately, Playback Supervisor Krista McLean was more than happy to take the little guy off my hands and add him to her growing home aquarium.

When I go clothes shopping, I follow the WWJBVD principle.  What Would a James Bond Villain Do?  Wear a Tommy Hilfiger tie?  Definitely not!

The gravy boat from my ex’s sister included a bonus item: a year old note from a wedding guest congratulating her on her nuptials.

Okay, let’s hear it (and, if possible, see ‘em!).  What were your Worst Presents Ever?

May 3, 2013: Reading, Watching, Answering!

In early March of this year, I started a quest for my new favorite show by listing eight promising candidates (March 2, 2013: Help me choose my new favorite show!), shows I’d heard great things about but had yet to check out, and asking you all to weigh in with your thoughts. Well, two months later, I’ve checked out half of them.  

After five episodes in, I decided Justified simply wasn’t for me. Boardwalk Empire, on the other hand, was a pleasant surprise in that I was expecting the first season to be slow but, instead, found it well-paced and absorbing.  Well written and great acting all around (including a couple of terrific supporting performances by Michael Stuhlbarg as Arnold Rothstein and Anatol Yusef as Meyer Lansky).  I’ve finished the first two seasons and, while I’m enjoying the show, I’m reserving judgement on the big end of season 2 shocker.  All things considered, I’m unconvinced by Nucky’s actions – all things considered. Of greater concern is the fact that the third season picks up 18 months after the fact, meaning we don’t get to witness the immediate impact and fallout of this dramatic development.  I also checked out the first season of Girls and, again, was pleasantly surprised.  I had no doubt it was a quality show but my expectations were low simply because I didn’t think the subject matter would appeal to me.  Well, I may not know much about twenty-something girls living in New York but what I’ve learned has been damn entertaining so far.  I’ll definitely be moving on to season 2.  Finally, I’m about halfway through Downton Abbey, yet another show I wound up enjoying a lot more than I thought I would.  

So, 3 out of 4.  Mighty impressive.  

I figure that by the time I’ve caught up on Boardwalk Empire (season 3), Girls (seasons 2 and 3), and Downton Abbey (seasons 2 and 3), I’ll be able to transition smoothly on to Game of Thrones (season 3) and Breaking Bad (final season) before moving on to Luther, Sherlock, Californication, Archer, and Shameless (on my friend Tara’s recommendation).  Looking forward to some great t.v. watching.  Yep, so long as I don’t end up having to produce a new series, it’ll be smoooooooooooth sailing.

Oh, in addition, I finally got around to checking out the Battlestar Galactica miniseries (which I quite liked), and have been watching Akemi’s favorite new comedy, Community.  Brilliant first season but we’ve found the second season a little uneven.  Finally, there’s Survivor, the only reality series I watch, and the only show I have to watch the same night it airs.  Three great tribal councils in the last three episodes.  If there’s a lesson to be learned from the past few eliminations, it’s to not double-cross your alliance too soon.  Now, my money’s on Cochran.    

I am also continuing my heard reading ways.  Just finished The Mammoth Book of Gangs (research for a potential series) and am about a third of the way through Nicholas Pileggi’s Wiseguy, the wholly absorbing account of mob insider Henry Hill’s life in the mafia.  A tough book to put down.  I started it this morning and should finish it tonight.  

Some recent recommended reads: Zenith Lives!  The Tales of M. Zenith, the Albino, Robert Silverberg’s Dying Inside, and Thanos Rising (Jason Aaron). 

Mailbag:

Tam Dixon writes: “Did you decide on a location for your career path?”

Answer: Not yet.  I’m going to exhaust my opportunities here in Vancouver before deciding to move elsewhere.  Still waiting to hear on two projects that would, ideally, shoot here if given the go-ahead.  A third, the horror script, could also be shot here – but that one is a little more of a reach.  Another project, if green lit, would take me to Toronto.  If none of these pan out, Paul and I will be heading to L.A. for some meet and greets.  On the bright side, if I did sell my house in Vancouver and move south, I could get a mighty sweet please for comparative value.  I could even have a backyard pool I would never use!

Mike writes: “I’m curious about the safety glasses SG1 started wearing. They wear them for a number of episodes, then when they invade the base in season eight’s “Reckoning Part 2″, they are not wearing safety glasses, nor is the support teams.
Why did they start wearing them? Was this Workers Compensation Board order or an insurance issue?”

Answer: Unfortunately, I don’t remember the specifics but, given the past history of wardrobe and prop decisions, I suspect they wore them because it was felt they looked cool.  Which was the same reason the helmets were ditched very early on (they were uncool) and the P-90′s were adopted (they were cool AND comfy because they allowed the actors to rest their arms).

Laura writes: “Is anybody planning on doing a SGU/ SGA / SG1 continuation at some stage soon!????? I am dying out here ! Sci Fi is well… you know what I mean.. ridiculous without our fav. SG shows.. but i know.. perhaps wishful thinking.. has anybody considered reducing the production costs by using CGI ?”

Answer: CGI (visual effects) are one of the biggest line items in a budget so using more would actually increase expenses.  If, on the other hand, you’re talking about using virtual sets, I believe I fielded this one already.  Virtual sets LOOK like virtual sets.  Until the technology improves, they’re a poor substitute for the real thing.

Joanie writes: “You said a while ago you were thinking about dedicating a blog about writing. It that something you still have planned?”

Answer: Hmmm.  Over the many years I’ve been blogging, I’ve dedicated many entries to the subject of writing (Here are a few: Writing | Josephmallozzi’s Weblog, December 12, 2008: Beating Out the Beat Sheet).  Was there something in particular you were wondering about the process?  

Randomness writes: “1. How are your projects going Joe? Well I hope? Hang in there!”

Answer: Thanks and see above.  Still in a holding pattern but making alternate plans nevertheless.

“2. Watching any anime shows lately?”

Answer: The last anime series Akemi and I watched was Sword Art Online.  Loved the premise and the first few episodes but it began to feel repetitive after a while.  Then, when they switched game settings, they lost me.

Randomness also writes: “In the episode Full Circle, as well all know, Anubis destroyed Abydos. When Stargate Command were able to re establish contact with the planet again, Skaara explains that what they’re seeing is mearly an illusion.

Would you say that he recreated Abydos as a way of saying goodbye? Or do you think he basically manipulated time in some way and brought back an echo of the real Abydos, but without the people?”

Answer: What the team saw was an illusion, recreated for them by Skaara.  

majorsal writes: “Can you get brad wright to tell the fans the scene of how sam and jack were going to be confirmed to be together in the 3rd sg1 movie?”

Answer: I can certainly ask him for the specifics the next time I see him.  From what I remember, it’s a scene that sees Jack and Sam out for dinner.  Their conversation pretty much confirms they are together.

livingforcreativity writes: “In a perfect world…and all things being equal…which TV project/movie is your top choice to work on?”

Answer: Hmmm.  Tough to say.  Given the deep backstory we’ve established for Dark Matter, it’s a series that would be a lot of fun to write – and allow us to re-team with a lot of the same crew we worked with on Stargate.  On the other hand, the last pilot I wrote which has generated some very promising interest is a rare non-genre entry – and attractive because it would be so different from everything else Paul and I have worked on to date.

The Old Payroll Tax Lady writes: “Do you know any of the writers on Psych? A few weeks ago they talked about pugs, showed a picture of a black pug, and introduced a new character named Maximus. Was this a shoutout?”

Answer: Someone else mentioned this on the blog a while ago.  Alas, I don’t know any of the writers on Psych.  Would’ve been nice though.  

oups writes: “what about Veronica mars, a film will be made because of the fans and Chuck, an other serie, want to have his own film?”

Answer: Unlikely for the reasons outlined here: March 14, 2013: Veronica Mars fans are finally getting their movie …

Kathode writes: “Alas, I don’t see myself going to Fable Kitchen anytime soon. 5 out of 8 dinner entrees contain mushrooms.”

Answer: I’m sure they’d be more than happy to substitute something else for the mushrooms if you asked.

Lauren writes: “Sorry, off topic comment, but did you see this tweet?  James‏@bellagelateria12h
So yes we are developing a gelato mochi & should be ready & available in May! Stay tuned for more details. pic.twitter.com/vQA6Wl7ULT  Thoughts?”

Answer: I’m not a huge mochi fan but Akemi is, of course, intrigued.  She’s very curious about the finished product.  After all, mochi is a labor-intensive process.

oups writes: “in 2011, you’ve said that you will do a comic book if no movie.”

Answer: That would be the studio’s call and, even if they did give a comic book continuation the green light, I wouldn’t be the guy to write it.

Buster Frank writes: “Was looking for a place to post this. I was wondering if Joseph was aware of this:http://www.change.org/petitions/netflix-save-stargate-universe“

Answer: One third of the way there!  Impressive!

DP writes: “What was the word on those projects?”

Answer: See above.  Still no word.  Which leaves me plenty of time for other pursuits like reading.

“Mammoth Book of Gangs…you read about some colorful folk. Professional research?”

Answer: Yep – that rare non-genre pilot I mentioned.

“What’s your opinion on whether the writers of The Walking Dead (TV Series) have done their research on psychopaths?”

Answer: I don’t know what kind of research they’ve done, but The Governor certainly fits the bill.

“Why were you researching autism spectrum disorders?”

Answer: I was researching it for yet another pilot that I’ve placed on hold for now pending word on the other projects.  

“If two years from now I were writing a trivia pack on the topic of science fiction, what question could I include then that wouldn’t make any sense now? If you need to be more cryptic, you could provide a redacted question and/or assume the question falls under an informative category name.  What science fiction trivia question would be too niche-audience to ask now, but could be asked two years from now because the relevant story-line will have reached a broader science fiction audience by then?”

Answer: Er…I don’t follow.

Ponytail writes: “Did Carl ever mention what the worst weather part of living in California was? Do you realize they got it all? Earthquakes, high winds, fog, rain, mud slides, fires, Lindsay Lohan. Beautiful place but deadly.”

Answer: Carl never mentioned a specific “worst weather part of living in California” but I do know for a fact that he isn’t  a big fan of earthquakes.  

“What would you live in, in California? Apartment, high rise, condo, rent house, hotel suite, with friends?”

Answer: Marty G. suggests that if I do make the move, I should buy a house – but Akemi would certainly push for a condo.  

“How is Bubba and his paw doing?”

Answer: Much better thanks.  He’s keeping the weight off his new bandage.  Obviously doesn’t want to scuff it up.

“If you cannot get a television series for Dark Matter, what’s next for that project? It is too good to be just put on the shelf for later.”

Answer: We’ve been waiting for the final piece to fall into place on the Dark Matter front for – well – quite a while now.  In the event of an 11th hour collapse, we still have enough players – and potential players – to make it happen elsewhere.  But it would take time.

“Do you have a favorite #1 book of all time? And why?”

Answer: Don’t know if I actually have a #1 book of all time.  Among my favorites – The Dark Beyond the Stars, Old Man’s War, Joe Abercrombie’s First Law series, George R.R. Martin’s Song of Ice and Fire series, The Empire of Ice Cream, Use of Weapons, The Player of Games, Camp Concentration, Stories of Your Life and Others, The Princess Bride,  The Speed of Dark, The Scar, Glasshouse, Armor, The Ophiuchi Hotline, Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events series, The SFWA European Hall of Fame, Lord of Light, Me Talk Pretty One Day, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, Heroes Die, The Somnambulist, Misery, Fool, City of Thieves, The Man Who Ate Everything, It Must Have Been Something I Ate, Flashman, Lost At Sea: The John Ronson Mysteries, The Psychopath Test: A Journey Through the Madness Industry.

mamasue9 writes: “Star Trek(CBS) is premiering a web series at Phoenix Comicon May 24 titled Star Trek Continues. It picks up where TOS left off. Any word from MGM to do something like this with Stargate?”

Answer: Alas, no.  It’s been all quiet on the studio front re: Stargate for years now.