Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 456

June 20, 2013: Homeward Bound!

I was sitting down to a late lunch, enjoying the down time following a whirlwind of meetings (17 in 4 days!) when I received a text from Akemi informing me that the oven was broken.   Again!  Didn’t I just do this rant?  Oh, yeah!  I did! Back in February: http://josephmallozzi.wordpress.com/2013/02/28/february-28-2013-the-not-so-lonely-maytag-repairman/  It’s the exact same issue we had last time (the buttons don’t work!) which necessitated we swap out the entire digital interface for a brand new one.  A brand new one that lasted less than four months.  Seriously.  Is that the going life span of the average Maytag product?

I’ve got a bunch of matters to address when I get back to Vancouver, but this one has found its way to the top of the list.  Prepare for a sequel to that Maytag rant.

Hey, what’s worth than standing in an interminable line-up waiting to go through security?  I’ll tell you.  Standing in an interminable line-up waiting to go through security, right beside the spot where someone just threw up their lunch (and, by the looks of it, breakfast as well).

It’ll be nice to be back home.  I look forward to seeing Akemi, the dogs, and, especially, my treadmill.  My eating habits have been…cholesteroly.

Among the many things I’ve got to do when I return home is find another dog-sitter.  I was planning to bring Akemi back to L.A. in a couple of weeks for Marty G.’s birthday bash, but my dog-sitting plans fell through.  I’d cancel, but Akemi was SO looking forward to the trip.  Also, the plane tickets are non-refundable. That’s what overconfidence gets you.  Anyway, I’ve called a couple of “bonded and insured” professionals and plan to have them come by the house and meet the dogs as part of the interview process.  I need someone kind and dependable – who doesn’t mind carrying a 14 year old pug up and down the stairs.

On my way to the airport today, I was on a conference call with Paul and my agent(s) discussing “how it went”.  In short: Good.  We met some great people, had our scripts well-received, pitched some original ideas as well as some established properties (books and anime), and even had a few ideas thrown our way.  I think that, for the right project, I could move here.  Paul – probably never regardless of the project.  Nevertheless, Akemi is already planning the big move!

Very sad to hear of James Gandolfini’s passing.  We were in MGM, waiting for a meeting when I overhead someone mention Gandolfini and Italy.  I assumed it was in relation to another project and it wasn’t until I checked the internet, about an hour later while waiting for my next meeting, that I found out.  An incredibly talented actor.

 

June 19, 2013: Another L.A. Update!

Four meetings yesterday, another five today.  Amidst all the business, we also managed to connect with some old friends, one intentionally, the other quite by surprise.

Last night, Paul and I met up with Golden Boy Martin Gero and the lovely Chelan Simmons for dinner at Animal where we enjoyed a terrific meal.  Among the highlights…

Chicken liver toasts

“Buffalo style” pig tails 

Bone marrow, chimichurri, and caramelized onions

BBQ pork belly sandwiches with slaw

Tres leches, dulce de leche cake

Bacon chocolate crunch bar with s&p ice cream

Then, this afternoon, we were in Beverly Hills for a meeting and had just stepped out of the car to pay for parking when we heard: “Joe?”.  You’ll never guess who we bumped into…

Go ahead.  Guess!

June 18, 2013: The L.A. Update!

“Could I have some tissue,”the elderly lady asked the air hostess.  ”There’s something on my seat.”  And then, almost hopefully: “I think it’s hand cream.”

And so kicked off our wacky L.A. adventure.  I’d brought along a book (actually two books and the third season of Louie) to while away the flight but actually ended up chatting with Paul for much of the two and half hours.  Given the fact that we’re writing partners, you’d think we’d have nothing more to say to each other, but the truth is Paul and I rarely socialize and most of our (cell phone) conversations tend to be work-related.  He’s busy with his wife and three kids; I’m busy with my girlfriend and three dogs, so there’s never much opportunity for downtime. Still, the hours we do spend together, beating out scripts and pitching ideas, is more than enough quality time.  I remember, back in our Stargate days, someone once asking Paul if we hung out together outside of work.  His response: “Are you kidding?  We spend enough time together working.  If we started hanging out as well, we’d probably kill each other.”

Probably.

But, in this case, the flight allowed us the opportunity to catch up and reminisce. We weren’t quite ready to kill each other by the time plane landed but, in all fairness, we were only three hours into our four day journey.

Our accommodations in L.A. are, well, let’s just say far cry from their Tokyo counterparts.  Check out the decor – compliments of somebody’s aunt Eunice (?):

I knew I was in for a rough stay while I was checking in and the poor girl at the font desk had to shout to be heard over the piano player in the adjoining lounge.  On the bright side, the dozen or so pillows ensure I never wont for a “cool side”.

Three meetings on Monday had us driving from Beverly Hills to Burbank, back to West Hollywood, then over to Universal City before capping off the day with tequila and duck taquitos at a restaurant where the service was so bad we assumed our waiter was either drunk or high.  Then, today, two morning pitch meetings which went very well – insofar as we didn’t do any actual pitching.

Meanwhile, back on the home front, Akemi and her sewing kit have been busy:

June 17, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Chronicle!

When is a found footage film not a found footage film?  When de makers mysteriously bail on de concept two turds of de way thru de movie.  Chronicle has distinktion of being de first (mostly) found footage superhero movie.  And dat about all dat make it distinkt.  It otherwise pretty standard fare.

Hey, it be like Peter Parker x 3!

Our protagonist, Andrew, be a high school nerd.  His mother dying, his dad abusive, he bullied at school.  It a miserable life for him – but very entertaining for everyone else so he decide to start filming it.  He bring his camera everywhere, inkluding to a party he go to wit his cousin and jock friend.  After leaving party, trio find weird hole in de ground, investigate, and diskover strange glowy crystal holding squiggly black ting.  Having never watched a horror or science fiction movie in deir lives, dey trow caution to de wind and decide to touch it.  Crystal changes color and dey get nose bleeds!

Weeks later, dey are showing off deir new teliknetik powers, moving objects wit deir minds.  It all fun and games until someone gets hurt…

Someone gets hurt.

Andrew uses his power to trow tailgating truck into lake.  Others tink dis is NOT cool and, after swimming into water and rescuing driver (instead of just using deir telikentic power to pull him out), dey agree to not hurt other people.

I believe I can fly.  I believe I can touch de sky.  I believe I can make others die.

Dey also teach demselves to fly and go hang out in de clouds – until dey almost get run over by a plane (Mighty crowded up dere!).

Wit great power come great irresponsibility

Dey celebrate by going to house party where Andrew trow up on girl. He humiliated and, next day at skool, he perform instrument-free dental surgery on bully who be picking on him.

Upset, Andrew fly away so he can be alone and film himself crying.  But jock manage to find him – me not exaktly sure how.  Mebbe he go to his favorite special place in de sky?  Jock try to cheer him up.  Andrew tank him by killing him wit lightning blast (Oh, yeah, he also apparently have lightning blast power).

Andrew start tinking he all special and superior, like Grover’s cousin ShaLaunda dat time she got her nails done.  He put on fireman suit and rob bullies and gas station to get money for medicine for his dying mother.

It be at dis point in movie where direktor decide “Fudge it!” and drop de found footage look.  But den seem to want to hedge his bets and inklude unnecessary security cam footage as well.  And, finally, seem to realize he being inconsistent so he go back to found footage look for movie’s ending dat involve Andrew vs. cousins vs a lot of parked cars in high-flying aktion.

Stay down!  Don’t move!

For some reason, despite all de damage and havok dey cause, police not at all inclined to shoot de boys.  Every time dey toss around police cars and policemen, cops just keep yelling: “Stay down!  Down move!” And, of course, dey move and trow around more cars and cops, and fall down some more and de cops yell: “Stay down!  Don’t move!”

Dis process is repeated until cousin get as tired of dis movie as we do and simply impale Andrew wit a handy spear from a nearby statue.

Movie end wit cousin filming himself addressing Andrew as he arrive in Tibet.  Why?  Does he believe Andrew also have de superpower to watch movies from beyond de grave?

Verdikt: Dere come a point in every found footage movie where audience wonder “Seriously!  Why de hell dey filming dis?”.  It seem dat, late in film, direktor arrive at same conklusion and deeply regret de whole “found footage” ting.

Rating: 3 chocolate chippee cookies.

Tagged: Chronicle, Cookie Monster, Cookie Monster film reviews, Cookie Monster movie reviews, Cookie Monster reviews Chronicle, superhero films, superhero movies, superheroes, SuperMovie of the Week Club, superpowers

June 16, 2013: Travel Day! Look at the pretty (delicious) pictures! Helping out The National Mill Dog Rescue in Colorado!

Oh, and I just remembered another thing that bothered me about the penultimate episode of Downton Abbey’s third season.  Ethel decides to take a job close to the estate where her son now resides.  In the event they run into each other, her cover story will be that she was his nanny.  And that would work – if he were a baby.  But the kid is about a year old.  Surely he knows she’s his mother , no?!  In the words of Cookie Monster: “How it be possible?”.

Speaking of Cookie Monster, he’ll be by tomorrow for his weekly review as part of our Supermovie of the Week Club.  If you haven’t already forced yourself to sit through Chronicle, please do so before Cookie Monster spoils it for you tomorrow.

Anyhoo, travel day today, so I’ll leave you with a rundown of some of the culinary highlights of the last two nights:

The night before last, Akemi and I headed over to Campagnolo with our friend Gary who was passing through town on the way to get his ass frozen off somewhere northerly…

Leek risotto with crispy pork belly

Beef cheek gnocci

Cured foie gras, caramelized onions, and matchstick apple pizza.

Giovanni, our genial server.  Make sure to get his hot ginger syrup and lemon as a digestif.

Chef Ted – nihonjin at heart.

The man behind the curtain: Chef Rob

Akemi and Gary

Then, last night, we got together with Ivon and Rob’s family for a trip to the night market.  Alas, instead of hitting the Richmond night market with its 50+ food vendors (including that place that sells those monster takoyaki bombs!) we ended up at the far less impressive Chinatown night market where the pickins were slim.  Akemi was still hungry when we returned.  I probably could have eaten too if my indigestion wasn’t so bad.

Still, there was one highlight -

Ivon.  Oh, and the Hurricane Potato

L.A.-bound today.  Get in tonight, then have four days full of meeting – and I DO mean full: 16 in all not including casual drinks and dinner with golden boy Martin Gero!

Finally, my sister alerted me to the following story about The National Mill Dog Rescue in Colorado.  According to sis: “The founder goes to puppy mill auctions or to puppy mills directly and BUYS the dogs they plan on killing because they are no longer useful or too sick. They clean them up and adopt them out. Well, the founder just lost her house in the Colorado fires as did some volunteers. They are set up in RVS and trailers temporarily with something like 40 misplaced dogs.”

Head on over here for the full story and let’s do what we can do to help out: http://www.prlog.org/12157557-dog-rescuer-lost-her-home-in-colorado-springs-fire.html

Tagged: National Mill Dog Rescue, National Mill Dog Rescue in Colorado

June 15, 2013: Unhappy Birthday to you! And don’t buy your next iPhone from an online deli!

Let’s not mess around.  Hilarious cat popping out of birthday cake photo copyright: http://catsandothernonsense.wordpress.com/

Well, this is interesting: Happy Birthday to You: The Lawsuit.  Someone has launched a class action lawsuit against Warner/Chappel Music Inc who (apparently) own the rights to the tune.  In addition to wanting the song declared i”n the public domain”, the plaintiffs are seeking the return of “millions of dollars” gathered from licensing fees over the years.  Over the many, many years.

For those who don’t know (like, say, myself until I read the article), the melody was first published more than a 120 years ago as “Good Morning To All”.  At some point, John Q. Public switched out the lyrics to ones we are familiar with today – and has been singing it ever since. And paying licensing fees if they’ve been doing so on film, television, the stage or, technically, restaurants, parks, and daycare centers. Check out this delightful site that clearly delineates the legalities/illegalities of performing the song:   http://www.unhappybirthday.com/.  ”If you have seen someone singing Happy Birthday in a restaurant, a park, or at a school, you should tell ASCAP so that they can arrange for a license. If you are an offender, you should apologize and offer to pay whatever is due — a nickel, a quarter, a dollar — whatever ASCAP demands.There is an overwhelming amount of copyright infringement of Happy Birthday. Let’s right the balance and tell ASCAP about every one of these violations!”

Yeah!  Let’s right the balance!  Who do those five year olds think they are, taking money out of Warner Music Group’s pocket?!

Hahaha.  But, seriously, no one is actually going to get sued or threatened with a lawsuit for singing the song are they?  Well, yest: Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday We’ll Sue! | Law Offices of …  “Don’t think they’ll catch ya?  Tell that to the 6,000+ summer camps, including the Girl Scouts, that received letters warning them that they had to pay royalties for public performances of any copyright works.  It’s sad to think of the camp counselor too frightened to sing “Puff the Magic Dragon” around a camp fire, don’t you think?  Nevertheless, publishing houses like ASCAP and BMI have field agents on payroll for this very reason.”

Field agents?  Really?  Do they hide in the bushes, poised to spring on unruly singers or are they outfitted with high-tech surveillance equipment for the job.  Little Terrence in Mrs. Ballard’s first grade class?  He’s wearing a wire!

I know, I know.  It’s ridiculous as, say, Disney suing a daycare for painting a picture of Mickey on their wall, or the United States Olympic Committee getting around to suing a 30 year old eatery for having the word “Olympic” in their name, or Apple suing The Big Apple or some polish grocery site that had the audacity to use the internet designation a.pl.  Oh.  Those DID happen?

Disney In Copyright Spats With Day Care Center, Restaurant

DailyTech – Apple Attacks The Big Apple: Apple and NYC Battle …

http://www.cultofandroid.com/16057/not-even-polish-sausage-is-safe-from-apples-ego/

Never mind then.

Also, technically, you can’t read books out loud to your kids either: http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20090210/1014293724.shtml

And, by the way, here are five more laws you’ve no doubt unwittingly broken: http://allwomenstalk.com/laws-youve-probably-broken

Tagged: Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday lawsuit, Happy Birthday song

June 14, 2013: Her ladyship’s soap? Her ladyship’s soap?!!!

So, I finished up the third season of Downton Abbey today and all I can say is: “HER LADYSHIP’S SOAP?!!!!”

The penultimate episode left me a little…befuddled.  Fortunately, I know many of you are fans of the show and can help clarify a few things…

What was the deal with Mary asking Edith to ensure Matthew NOT catch an earlier train back from London, presumably in order to avoid him finding out about her visit to the fertility clinic – only to have her travel to London (while he’s there) and run into him anyway?  What was the point of the “make sure he’s on that 3:00 o clock train?” request?

How did Robert go from the amusingly staid conservative of the first 2+ seasons to the suddenly very liberal and forgiving man who happily forgives (forgets?) Thomas’s past transgressions and decides to keep him at Downton?

Her ladyship’s soap?  So, sometime following the “soap incident”, the hitherto crafty O’Brien entrusted the Machiavellian Thomas with her deepest, darkest secret?  Why?

Please provide your clear, concise answers in the comments section.

In the meantime…

Running down my Top 5 Favorite Downtown Abbey characters:

Mrs. O’Brien (Siobhan Finneran)

I hated her at first and then I loved to hate her and know I just love her.

Lady Cora (Elizabeth McGovern)

The calm in the eye of the storm, her proper, bemused responses to the household drama unfolding around her makes her a charming honorary Brit.

Mrs. Patmore (Lesley Nicol)

No-nonsense, surly, sarcastic – and she can cook!

Mr. Carson (Jim Carter)

Downton Abbey’s most lovable resident.  The butler with the heart of gold – and demeanor of steel.

Lady Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess (Maggie Smith)

Oh, I’m sure there’s at least one colorful and amusingly opinionated Dowager Countess in everyone’s extended family.

Tagged: Downton Abbey

June 13, 2013: News of note!

Oh, this and that…

Why are any of them still in business? http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/13/us/worst-charities/index.html?hpt=hp_c3

For your Jurassic appetite.  Wendy’s Stops Rogue Restaurant from Selling 9-Patty ‘T-Rex’ Burger

And there’s no truth to the rumors that Krispy Kreme doughnuts are glazed with crack.  http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_601_20-terrifying-facts-food-companies-dont-want-you-to-know/

Jumpy dogs.  http://www.buzzfeed.com/jesseheartsyou/37-dogs-who-are-scared-out-of-their-freakin-minds-anmp

By the way, that’s not coffee he’s drinking.

Professional blogger didn’t make the list.  The Worst Jobs of 2013 | CareerCast.com

Graduating class of Riverdale 2013

Sadly, David Caruso is too old.  10 Casting Suggestions for the Archie Film

I find it hard to believe Superman never teamed up with Santa. http://www.comicsalliance.com/2012/12/25/blast-from-holidays-past-the-complete-great-comics-that-never-h/

All your base are belong to us!  http://arcadesushi.com/funniest-gaming-mistranslations/

June 12, 2013: Top 10 Running Gags in SG-1!

My favorites and in no particular order…

10.  Blue Jello

The blue jello predates my involvement with the show.  By the time Paul and I joined SG-1 in its fourth season, the gelatin was already de rigueur in most every mess scene, eventually, finding its way to Atlantis as well.  So what’s the deal?  Search me.  I seem to remember someone saying it was simply something the prop department whipped up one day that stood out, both for its neon properties and sheer ridiculousness, quickly becoming a comically beloved visual staple.

9. O’Neill’s obsession with The Simpsons

O’Neill was full of Simpsons references and an admitted fan.  Why? Well, because most of the show’s writers were fans as well, although nowhere near as huge a fan as Richard Dean Anderson.  How big a fan was he?  So big that he attended the table reading of a Simpsons episode and was totally blown away by the experience.  Occasionally, he would even bring his daughter by my office to check out the various Simpsons-related dioramas and action figures that bedecked my shelf. Eventually, actor Dan Castellanetta guested on the show (Citizen Joe) and he and Rick hit it off.  They had a great time working together and, months later, Dan showed his appreciation by writing a Stargate/RDA-themed Simpsons episode to which Rick lent his voice talents.

8. Pineapples

If you’re watching Stargate and ever happen to catch sight of a pineapple, there’s a good chance the episode you’re viewing was directed by long-time Stargate director Will Waring.  The pineapples were his signature visual.  More often than not, however, the fruit were so carefully camouflaged, most viewers would be hard-pressed to notice them.  Still, there’s plenty of fun to be had in trying.  I once asked Will “Why pineapples?” and he told me that on one of his first productions, he was camera operator on a scene involving a high speed chase.  For some reason, he put a pineapple in the car’s back window as a gag – and then forgot to remove it for the actual shoot.  As a result, for the entire high-octane chase sequence, there’s a pineapple clearly rattling around in the back window of our protagonist’s car.  Nobody noticed – until the dailies.  The director was livid and was prepared to fire Will – but the producer LOVED the pineapple gag.  Will got to keep his job – and the signature pineapple was born.

7. The Big Wrench

Where Will Waring had his pineapples, director Martin Wood had his big wrench.  You’ll often spot it in the background, in the hands of Martin’s buddy and Stargate SG-1 Fight Coordinator Dan Shea, as he makes adjustments to equipment or simply walks around with this huge, oversized calling card.  Every once in a while, Martin would get into the big wrench background action as well, donning the persona of his onscreen alter-ego, Major Wood.

6. Peter DeLuise’s Hitchockian touch

Whereas Will had the pineapples and Martin had the big wrench, director Peter DeLuise had…Peter DeLuise.  Before he was a director, Peter was an actor, and so it was only natural that he’d take a page out of Hitchcock’s book and make himself his own visual signature.  He appeared as a host of background characters and even played the part of the young Urgo opposite his father Dom.  Even in the most challenging of episodes, Peter found a way to make his trademark appearance.  Once, we thought he’d missed his cameo – only to discover he’d found an ingenious way to make a subtle appearance.  In one scene, as Teal’c sits in his darkened room, deep in meditation, we pull back to reveal he is surrounded by candles – several of which are assembled to spell out the initial “PDL”.

5. Jonas’s voracious appetite

Actors have their trademark “bits” as well and, for Jonas, it was food. Whether it was buttered toast in Night Walkers or the infamous banana scene in Descent (which, incidentally, ran about three minutes long in the director’s cut), he was always snacking.  But he crossed the line in one episode where he showed up in the gate room sipping tea from a mug and had to be reminded – the tea mug was another actor’s trademark “bit” (see below).

4. Magnets

Every once in a while, whenever Carter tried to explain some scientific or technological wonder, Jack would try to tie it back to magnets.  What was the deal with O’Neill and magnets?  Well, this one was compliments of Creator/Exec Producer Brad Wright who once had someone pitch him some ridiculous scientific theory.  When a dubious Brad asked him to clarify the faulty science, the other individual shrugged and offered: “Magnets?”.  It eventually became the stock response to every befuddling question of logic.

3. The Wizard of Oz

This was another running joke that predated my involvement in the production but SG-1 was peppered with references throughout its ten-year run, culminating in the Wizard of Oz sight gag from the show’s 200th episode (200).  Of course, by that point in the series run, the line-up had changed, offering a slightly altered version of the originals: Carter as Dorothy, Daniel as the cowardly lion, Teal’c as the tin man, and, of course, Jack as the scarecrow.

2. Indeed

If there is one word that perhaps appears in more episodes of Stargate than any other (beside, maybe, “stargate”), it’s “Indeed”, Teal’c's short and sweet one-word response to most anything he is asked – and sometimes not.  Actor Chris Judge even took to inserting the odd “Indeed” on occasions where it hadn’t even been scripted.  I knew we’d reached the point of no return when, while watching dailies one day, we watched as as someone asked Teal’c: “Have you seen him?” to which Teal’c replied: “Indeeed – I have not.”

1. What the hell is in O’Neill’s cup?

Seriously.  This one is fairly subtle but after noticing it for the first time, I caught countless more.  Whenever Jack has a cup or mug in his hand there will come a point in the scene where he’ll glance down, frown, and then attempt to pluck some mysterious foreign object out of his drink.  Watch for it!

June 11, 2013: Back in Van!

Look at what awaited me upon my return to Vancouver.  Yes, Joreos! Akemi woke up early yesterday morning to make them.  Apparently, it was a surprisingly long and involved process that saw her start at 7:00 a.m. and finally finish at 2:00 p.m.  Can’t wait for the instructional video for this particular recipe.

The dogs were equally thrilled to see me, especially Jelly who was unusually vocal today – and full of energy on her walk.

Jelly – all smiles.

Before leaving Montreal, I enjoyed one final home-cooked meal highlighted by mom’s lasagna and some home made cotechino.  What, pray tell, is cotechino?  Why, it’s an Italian pork sausage commonly served with lentils on New Year’s Eve.  My mother received some from a family friend and it fell on me to prepare them.  Following a little online research, I was all set…

First up, I soaked the fresh sausages in cold water, rinsed and then heated them on high.  Once the water started boiling, I brought the heat down to a low simmer and allowed the sausages to slow-cook or about an hour.

An hour later, I plucked them from the water and the sausages were nice and firm.  Since I had to take mom shopping, we popped them in the refrigerator for the afternoon.\

The few hours in the fridge helped them firm up even more and made cutting them easier.  I cooked them over medium heat in a frying pan with just a touch of olive oil.  I’d suggest covering the pan with a lid because once  those tiny pockets of fat start exploding, you DON’T want to get caught up in the fireworks!

And serve.  Crispy, sticky, slightly sweet, and salty.  Not for the diet-conscious.

While I was making fatty sausage, my sister was making these Cat in the Hat kebabs -

Finally, look at what I found on mom’s bookshelf.

Yes, it’s the first (and only) edition of Latin For the Novice by revered Latin scholar Joseph Mallozzi, memorably featured in Stargate: SG-1′s fourth season episode Window of Opportunity – and sitting in mom’s basement ever since, right between Lawrence Durrell’s Alexandria Quartet and old issues of Readers Digest.

Well, I may be back home, but there won’t be time for much relaxing. I have a lot to do, a lot to read, before I head off to L.A. next week!

Today’s entry is dedicated to the memory of Gumbo.  Condolences, Deni.

Tagged: cotechino