Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 459

May 21, 2013: Childhood memories! Pools, piano, and parents!

For most youngsters, weekends are a time to sleep in, relax, and have fun.  Growing up, for my sister and I, it was anything but.  My parents signed us up for so many extracurricular activities – judo, yoga, bomb disposal – that they’d drop us off early Saturday morning and we wouldn’t see them again until late Sunday night.  Part of me wants to believe it was born of a concerted effort to make us more rounded individuals, but I suspect it was really just a way of getting us out of the house.

This was especially true during the summers when my sister and I would have to take full advantage of our membership at a local pool. Full advantage in this case meant getting there for the 10:00 a.m. opening and staying there until 5:00 p.m. closing – every weekday and every weekend, rain or shine (It was up to the pool authorities to decide whether it was too dangerous to swim and, more often than not, they were spot judgement calls that required us to be on standby, quite literally standing by the pool house, for the green light).  If we were ever late leaving the house, came home early, or lingered too long at lunch (we had approximately 40 minutes, like in most Japanese prisons), they’d suggest the one hundred dollars spent on the pool membership had been wasted and that, maybe, next year they would have to reconsider the expense.  And so, duly chastised, my sister and I would trudge back – she with her nose plugs, goggles, and bathing cap, an ensemble that gave her the appearance of a subaquatic creature (in a one-piece dark blue swim suit) every time she broke surface; me with my goggles, Raiders towel, and whatever book I’d brought along to rescue me from the prospect of terminal pruning.

Truth be told, for all the time we spent at Heights Swimming Pool, I spent very little time in the actual pool, preferring to read or chat with friends over braving the crowd.  I remember once standing poolside for a good fifteen minutes, waiting for an opening in the churning sea of bodies before deciding “What the hell” and jumping in, quite literally, feet first.  I recall the coolness of the water, then the yielding softness of some hapless swimmer’s back as I unwittingly pinned her to the bottom of the pool.

Given all the opportunities, it’s surprising that I didn’t actually learn to swim until my early teen years.  Before that, much of my pool time was spent wading, lounging, and participating in (dare I say it) horseplay. At some point, my father got fed up and paid for private lessons. Every Friday night, I’d go to the Pointe Claire YMCA where Gary, my instructor, would attempt to initiate me in the mechanics of swimming. It was a slow frustrating process.  For him, I mean.  Whereas my sister was a natural, mastering and honing her skills early enroute to attaining that loftiest of swimmer’s achievements, the position of summer lifeguard, I was about as comfortable in the water as C-3PO making love for the first time.  I’d thrash my legs wildly, splash about, and generally try to avoid getting any of the corrosive pool water in my eyes.  And, all the while, my father would sit forlornly up in the bleachers, watching and waiting.  And then, one night, it happened. Gary cancelled late (I like to think that he’d finally given up and was going to let us down easy by maybe faking his own death, until he heard about my abrupt turnaround) and I decided to spend the hour going over what I’d learned.  I lowered myself into the deep end, steeled myself, pushed off from the ladder and, suddenly, I was treading water.  The treading became a breaststroke and, before I knew it, I was swimming.  I swam all the way to the other side of the pool.  Then I swam back.  Then I swam front crawl.  Then backstroke. By hour’s end, I pulled myself out of the pool to find my father waiting for me.  Bursting with pride, he congratulated me.  And handed me five dollars.

In addition to all the swimming, there were the piano lessons.  When my sister and I first started, our instructor had done me the great disservice of informing my mother I had “piano fingers”.  I’m not sure what that meant exactly but was fairly certain that its marked characteristics would have suited any of various other descriptors like, say, “surgeon fingers” or “origami fingers” or “pick pocket fingers”.  To my mother, however, it denoted a genetic predisposition to musical genius.  And so, while my sister, with her short, inelegant fingers better suited to t.v. remote manipulation, got a pass, I was pressured to make the most of my God-given talent.

Next to trampoline week in Phys. Ed., there was nothing I hated more and, perhaps sensing this, my instructor prescribed a practice regimen to help things along: thirty minutes a day for the six days between lessons.  I was given a special chart to take home that my mother was to check off and sign at the end of each week.  ”You probably won’ t be able to practice for half an hour every single day,”my piano teacher conceded.  ”Some days a little more; some days a little less.  Just as long as you get your hours in.”  I returned home, my seven year old self embittered by the prospect of all this piano practice cutting into my non-existent plans.  I mean, sure, my week was pretty wide open but what if something came up on Friday afternoon and I’d have to miss out on account of that final half hour owing?  Well, the solution became readily apparent.  I could just front load my practice at the beginning of the week and have the rest of the week free – just in case. And so, the following day, I sat down in front of our home piano – an antique, discordant monstrosity so enormous that it probably necessitated the house be built around it – and started banking practice time.  Thirty minutes, then sixty, then an hour and a half. After two hours, I was beyond exhausted.  Dazed, fingers cramped, I played on.  Two and a half hours in, I had attained an otherworldly transcendence, what the Native Americans call “a vision quest”.  I was one with the music, the metronome, and my poodle, Snoopy’s, sporadic howls.  At one point, I was floating above it all like one of those out-of-body experiences where the spirit of the soon-to-be-undeceased looks down at himself and thinks “Poor sonovabitch”.  And then, finally, it was over.  Three and a half hours later.  I trotted upstairs, had mom sign my practice schedule – which she did without even bothering to ask what the hell she was signing – and had the rest of the week off.  I thought it a brilliant plan; my piano teacher less so when she checked out my practice schedule the following day.

Eventually, I grew tired of the piano and, after considerable thought, elected to stand up to my mother and tell her I was giving it up.  It was my first adult decision.  And a memorable one.  I told her I was quitting.  She burst into tears and tore my piano exercise book in half. My little sister cried.  I apologized.  The next day, my mother bought me a new piano exercise book and assured me that it would be our little secret and she would not be telling my dad what had happened.

It was another two years before I quit for good.

Tagged: childhood memories, piano lessons, swimming lessons

May 20, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews X-Men: First Class!

Watching X-Men: First Class like dating smart, beautiful she-monster who be fantastik company – until she drink too much, start rambling, talk about her ex, linger over espresso, and leave you wishing date could have ended sometime after dessert and before she vomit in your cabriolet.  Disappointing because movie start off VERY strong but, sadly, overstay it’s welcome like a visiting uncle Herb.

Guess what number me tinking.  Wrong.  Blue!

Movie open in WWII concentration camp where boy, Erik, demonstrate superpower of magnetism when he get angry – much to de delight of evil Nazi, Professor Footloose (second worst miscasting in recent supermovie memory), who kill his mother to reawaken his abilities.  For some reason, Erik destroy room, crush nazi soldier skulls, but leave mom-killer alive – even tho monster pretty sure professor’s glasses could have been pretty effektive/gruesome weapon.

Meanwhile, in England, another boy, Charles Xavier, who have mind-reading/control powers, walk into his kitchen and befriend shapeshifter-burglar, Mystique.  Awww.  You see?  Mebbe you can make friends wit a burglar too if you only make de effort.

Magneto, Master of Tai-Chi

Twenty years later, everyone grown up (Which, incidentally, make dem in deir 20′s in de 1960′s.  So, doing de math, Professor X and Magneto be around 75 years old in de X-Men movies.).  Erik trying to track down Professor Footloose who, for some reason, look twenty years younger den he did during WWII.  In addition to better looking, he also got hisself three mutant assistants and plan to start WWIII.  He really tinking BIG!

Smiles, everyone.  Smiles!

Wit help of Charles Xavier and Mystique, CIA go after Professor Footloose.  But he eskape in sekret submarine which, incidentally, be standard on most supervillain yachts.  On de bright side, Charles make new ally in de process = brooding Erik.  BFF, dey team up and recruit teen mutants.

While teen mutants settle in and play Big Brother, Charles and Erik go to Russia where dey capture Professor Footloose henchwoman, Emma Frost (WORST miscasting in recent supermovie history) who about as interesting as a fish ice sculpture – and learn of his plan.

While Charles and Erik be in Russia, Professor Footloose attack teen mutants.  He kill one, take another, and massakre many CIA agents.

Believe it or not (and you probably not believe it by dis picture) but she one of de worst tings about dis movie.

Lots of time wasted wit secondary charakters.  Mutants train.  Den put on new team uniforms and go after Professor Footloose and co. while trying to head off nuclear war.  Plenty of action!  Explosions!  Cool visual effekts!  Erik finally get his revenge on Professor Footloose and steal his hat.  Charles paralyzed.  Nuclear war averted.

In movie’s final scenes, wheelchair-bound Charles open up school for gifted mutants.  Erik (aka Magneto), meanwhile, wit support of mercenary mutants inkluding Mystique, break White Queen out of jail. Presumably so dat she can get de help she needs.  Me hoping acting lessons!

Verdikt: A good movie dat about a half hour too long to be a great movie.

Rating: 7.5 chocolate chippee cookies.

Past supermovie reviews here: http://cookiemonstermovereviews.wordpress.com/ (Thor, Megamind, Green Hornet, etc.).

Tagged: comic book movies, Comic Books, Comics, Cookie Monster, Cookie Monster reviews X-Men: First Class, superhero movies, superheroes, SuperMovie of the Week Club, X-Men, X-Men: First Class

May 21, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews X-Men: First Class!

Watching X-Men: First Class like dating smart, beautiful she-monster who be fantastik company – until she drink too much, start rambling, talk about her ex, linger over espresso, and leave you wishing date could have ended sometime after dessert and before she vomit in your cabriolet.  Disappointing because movie start off VERY strong but, sadly, overstay it’s welcome like a visiting uncle Herb.

Guess what number me tinking.  Wrong.  Blue!

Movie open in WWII concentration camp where boy, Erik, demonstrate superpower of magnetism when he get angry – much to de delight of evil Nazi, Professor Footloose (second worst miscasting in recent supermovie memory), who kill his mother to reawaken his abilities.  For some reason, Erik destroy room, crush nazi soldier skulls, but leave mom-killer alive – even tho monster pretty sure professor’s glasses could have been pretty effektive/gruesome weapon.

Meanwhile, in England, another boy, Charles Xavier, who have mind-reading/control powers, walk into his kitchen and befriend shapeshifter-burglar, Mystique.  Awww.  You see?  Mebbe you can make friends wit a burglar too if you only make de effort.

Magneto, Master of Tai-Chi

Twenty years later, everyone grown up (Which, incidentally, make dem in deir 20′s in de 1960′s.  So, doing de math, Professor X and Magneto be around 75 years old in de X-Men movies.).  Erik trying to track down Professor Footloose who, for some reason, look twenty years younger den he did during WWII.  In addition to better looking, he also got hisself three mutant assistants and plan to start WWIII.  He really tinking BIG!

Smiles, everyone.  Smiles!

Wit help of Charles Xavier and Mystique, CIA go after Professor Footloose.  But he eskape in sekret submarine which, incidentally, be standard on most supervillain yachts.  On de bright side, Charles make new ally in de process = brooding Erik.  BFF, dey team up and recruit teen mutants.

While teen mutants settle in and play Big Brother, Charles and Erik go to Russia where dey capture Professor Footloose henchwoman, Emma Frost (WORST miscasting in recent supermovie history) who about as interesting as a fish ice sculpture – and learn of his plan.

While Charles and Erik be in Russia, Professor Footloose attack teen mutants.  He kill one, take another, and massakre many CIA agents.

Believe it or not (and you probably not believe it by dis picture) but she one of de worst tings about dis movie.

Lots of time wasted wit secondary charakters.  Mutants train.  Den put on new team uniforms and go after Professor Footloose and co. while trying to head off nuclear war.  Plenty of action!  Explosions!  Cool visual effekts!  Erik finally get his revenge on Professor Footloose and steal his hat.  Charles paralyzed.  Nuclear war averted.

In movie’s final scenes, wheelchair-bound Charles open up school for gifted mutants.  Erik (aka Magneto), meanwhile, wit support of mercenary mutants inkluding Mystique, break White Queen out of jail. Presumably so dat she can get de help she needs.  Me hoping acting lessons!

Verdikt: A good movie dat about a half hour too long to be a great movie.

Rating: 7.5 chocolate chippee cookies.

Past supermovie reviews here: http://cookiemonstermovereviews.wordpress.com/ (Thor, Megamind, Green Hornet, etc.).

Tagged: comic book movies, Comic Books, Comics, Cookie Monster, Cookie Monster reviews X-Men: First Class, superhero movies, superheroes, SuperMovie of the Week Club, X-Men, X-Men: First Class

May 19, 2013: If I were on Survivor…

Jelly can’t bear to look

Several weeks ago, Akemi and I were watching Survivor.  In the episode, the contestants were treated to surprise visits from their loved ones.  They had been separated for quite some time (over a month!) and, not surprisingly, the reunions were incredibly emotional.  One girl hugged her father like a long lost love.  Another woman broke down at the mere sight of her husband.  I tried to imagine what it would be like for me, standing there, watching as, one by one, my fellow contestants had their moments with their significant others, anxiously awaiting my turn, eyeing the tree-line for my special someone… Akemi?  Mom?  My sister?

“Jelly,”said Akemi, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.  And, the second she said it, I realized: “Of course!  Who else?”

Who else would it be but my 14 year old pug, Jelly, snarfling and panting as she’d break through the treeline and waddle up the pathway on her arthritic legs into my waiting arms?  We’d probably lose the challenge but nevertheless be chosen to join the winners on the reward getaway where we’d enjoy a wonderful feast of assorted meats, veggies, assorted fruits and desserts.  And before saying goodbye, I’d give Jelly a smooch on the noggin’ as I do every time I carry her up and down the stairs or in and out of the house (Full disclosure: I probably kiss that dog more than I do my girlfriend) and then we’d part ways – me, back to the island, inspired by her visit to persevere in the face of adversity; she, to her guest hut, provoked by the richness of the meal to void her bowels for one endless diarrhea-festooned evening.  Now THAT would be reality television!

My other muse: Lulu.

Jelly works up a sweat.

Bubba – all smiles.

Lulu is laughing AT you, not WITH you!

Hey, my pal, Tara Yelland, is trying to raise money for Response Time, a short film she’ll be working on in the next couple of months.  She didn’t specify what, exactly, she’d be doing (my guess is crowd control) but it’s obviously something she’s passionate about (like nail art, Mad Men, and my occasional dog-related blog entries).  So passionate, in fact, that she produced the following video in support of the project: http://vimeo.com/65869540.  The goal is to raise $10 000 in 30 days and, with 6 days to go, they’re at $5590.  Apparently, the way the fundraising works, they need to reach their target in order to get the money pledged.  If they don’t, they get nothing.  Also, at some point, someone breaks into their homes and soaks their pillows in linseed oil.

Don’t let this happen to Tara!  Help her and her reach her goal by visiting and pledging here: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/response-time

And check out her personal blatherings here: tarayelland

Tagged: Dogs, french bulldogs, pugs, Response Time, Survivor, Tara Yelland

May 18, 2013: So you’ve won $600 million! Now what?

Yes, you’ve just won $600 million!  Now what?

Well, if you’re like 70% of other instant millionaires, you’ll demonstrate unsound judgement, make poor investment decisions, fritter your money away and, eventually find yourself destitute, friendless, and alone (What could happen to you: tales of big lottery winners – U.S. News).  Don’t believe me?  Check out the sad tales of these former lottery winners:  How the Lives of 10 Lottery Millionaires went Disastrously Wrong ….

What is it about huge monetary windfalls that transforms the average person into a compulsive spender?  One day, they’re just trying to make ends meet and, then next, they’re suddenly demonstrating the financial acumen of successful pro athletes (How Millionaire Athletes Spend Their Money and Go Bankrupt …, 15 Pro Athletes Who Lost Millions and Filed for Bankruptcy, Top 10 Bankrupt Athletes – Kidzworld).

According to this article - Riches to rags: Why most lottery winners end up broke – Yahoo … - it’s human nature to adjust our consumption based on what is available to us.

So now that we know what the problem is, how do YOU avoid inevitably finding yourself penniless and living in your parents’ basement?

Well, you can try following my helpful advice:

1. Take half of whatever you’ve won and put it in the bank or in a safe, very conservative investment.  The other half is your spending money.  THIS is your keeping money, only to be touched in cases of emergency (ie. mortgages, life-saving medical procedures, ransom payments, etc.).

2. Tigers and other exotic animals are poor investments.

3. As are flashy new cars.

4. Creative endeavors like scifi shows and low-budget horror movies on the other hand…

5. If you haven’t heard from a friend or family members in the three years prior to becoming rich, don’t rekindle those long-dead relationships once they come a-calling.  And they will come a-calling.  Limit your generosity to close friends, loved ones and, of course, the writers of blogs your frequent on a semi-regular basis.

6. Dude, you’re already rich.  Don’t try to become richer by investing in that sandwich franchise, state-of-the-art wig factory or Kanye West Cologne.

7. Try not to get bumped off by your next of kin.

8. Avoid doing anything that might get you sued like drinking and driving or being alone with anyone at anytime.

9. Drugs are VERY expensive.

10. So are good-looking women/men.

11. That entourage/helicopter pad/set of yellow diamond grillz – not as cool as you think.

May 17, 2013: Pending Projects and Memorable Meals!

Pictured above, research materials for an upcoming project.  Well, provided everything goes as planned.   But – honestly – when does it ever?  Fortunately, it’s a subject that interests me so I will eventually read them…hopefully sooner than later.  

Well, another week has come and gone and still no word on the pilots. My agent inquired and was essentially told “Hey, if we didn’t like them, we would have already passed.”.  So, I suppose, no news is good news. But, after a while – a looooong while – no news is bad news if you’re looking to plan your life.  As a result, we have to start making plans for our L.A. visit next week.  This first trip will be a meet and greet.  We’ll follow with a more relaxed, get-to-know-the-neighborhoods visit soon after – a quasi-vacation to familiarize ourselves with the city and find a suitable place to live, somewhere nice but not too far from the action. I’ll rent at first and then, depending on what production we land on, maybe sell the house in Vancouver and actually buy a place there.  I think I should settle in nicely.  As it turns out, I actually have more friends in L.A. than I do here!

One of the things I’ll look forward to will be the L.A. restaurants.  It’ll be interesting to see how they compare to some of Vancouver’s best.

Speaking of which…

Cas’s trademark post-workout shake 

Cas treated me to his trademark post-workout shake the other day. Packed full of vitamins and, well, everything that could fit into a blender, it was surprisingly tasty (ableit fruity).   

The inclusion of half a lime (rind and all!) was a surprisingly nice little addition.  

I was equally dubious about another of Cas’s suggested snacks: 

Rhubarb and sugar

In this instant, I was right to be skeptical.  It was awful.

Much better luck with some recent meals…

The eggplant parm sandwich at Fable Kitchen.

The spot prawn appetizer at L’Abattoir.

The scallop sashimi with yuzu and jalapeno at Chez Joe.

The sous-vide octopus salad at Chez Joe.

The sous-vide rib-eyes with chimichurri sauce.

The sticky toffee pudding at L’Abattoir.

This entry is dedicated to all of my close Powerball Lottery-playing friends here on this blog.  $600 million could produce a lot of great television!  Just sayin’.

May 16, 2013: Jennifer Finnigan drops by! You sure you want me to read that?

Well, look who it is!  It’s my good buddy and former co-worker, uber-talented/super-successful actress Jennifer Finnigan.  She’s in town shooting a movie (with my other pal, Cas) and dropped by the other night to say hi, eat some rotisserie chicken and, of course, check out the Dark Matter comic book (soon to be television?) series.  Turns out she’s looking for an SF project and this could be the one!

I worked with Jen way back when we were both first getting started, on a teen sitcom called Student Bodies (Student Bodies (TV series) – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia).  Once the show ended, she moved to Hollywood where she landed the part of Bridget Forrester on The Bold and the Beautiful, playing the role for 3+ years and winning three consecutive Daytime Emmy Awards along the way.  From there, it was on to Crossing Jordan were she recurred as pathologist Dr. Devan Maguire, then to her own series, Committed, and, eventually, on to CBS’s Close To Home where she headlined as deputy DA Annabeth Chase.  She recently wrapped production on David E. Kelley’s Monday Mornings and, after finishing up this latest Lifetime movie (which will take her to Brazil and India), she’ll be producing her first feature alongside hubby, Jonathan Silverman – provided she finds the time between work, travel, and games night at her pal Nathan Fillion’s place.

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Anyway, it was great catching up with her these last couple of days and here’s hoping we do get the opportunity to work together again sooner than later.

Meanwhile, Jen’s castmate on the Lifetime movie (and my house guest) Cas left today for a con appearance in Detroit.  Detroit!  Yeesh.  You’d think he could come up with a better cover story than that.  He’ll be gone until Monday and, in that time, he has asked me to read a pitch document and the first ten pages of a script he wrote for a personal project.  Over lunch today, I made it clear to him that if he really wanted me to read his stuff – REALLY wanted me to read it – then, I certainly would…with the understanding that I would NOT be critiquing it as his good buddy Joe but as former Executive Producer/professional writer Joseph Mallozzi.  It’s the same fair warning I give everyone who asks me to read something they’ve written.  I don’t want to waste their time and, more importantly, MY time reading something simply for form’s sake.  If you really want my opinion, I’ll give it to you – but be prepared for the worst.  I would consider it disrespectful of me to pull my punches.  The whole point of the exercise is to identify the flaws and weaknesses of a concept or script and maybe offer suggestions as to how they can be addressed.  It is certainly NOT to offer blanket congratulations on a job well done.

Cas apparently understands this and has given me the go ahead.  So I’ll start reading it tomorrow – AFTER I finally sit down to read my friend Trevor’s outline which has been sitting in my inbox far too long.

Again, I assume this sort of thing isn’t limited to show business.  I’m certain you’ve all found yourself in situations where friends or family members have requested honest input on some thing or other.  So how did you respond in situations where, quite clearly, tough love was required?  Were you painfully honest or was discretion the better part of valor?  Do tell.

May 15, 2013: Worst. Pitches. Ever!

Over the course of my 11+ years on the Stargate franchise, I heard my fair share of freelance pitches – some of them good, most of them fine but not quite what we were looking for, and a few of them truly horrible.  In the first case, kudos to those writers who were able to step up, well into the franchise’s run, take into into account Stargate’s immense mythology, and come up with an engaging, original idea that hadn’t been done yet (by us or Star Trek).  In the second case, thanks for trying and, while it didn’t work out, we fully appreciate that coming up with an original idea for this series is a daunting task.  In the third case, what the hell were you thinking?

What follows are some of my favorite from the latter category.  Worst.  Pitches.  Ever!

1. Tee-alc gets separated from the rest of sgi while on an off-world mission.  When O’Neil, Daniel, and Carter step through the gate, they end up trapped in another dimension where they must try to avert a nuclear showdown between India and Pakistan.

* Dude, seriously.  If you’re going to pitch for our show, do us the courtesy of at least watching an episode.  sgi?  Tee-alc?  Another dimension? Indian and Pakistan?

2. SG-1 visits a barren world, seemingly devoid of life.  While investigating the ruins of a long-dead civilization, the team is captured by a race of subterranean-dwelling humans obsessed with Earth’s pop culture.  Their captors are a bizarre mix of cowboys, gangsters, and guys in Beatle wigs.

* This pitch might have worked for Star Trek.  Fifty years ago.  Maybe.  But probably not.

3. The sequel to A Hundred Days.

* Great idea, but suggesting you want to do a sequel (with no tangible idea outside of the fact that you simply think it would be a great idea in the most general sense) to an episode you didn’t write in the first place isn’t going to land you that writing gig.

4. One by one, members of the Atlantis expedition begin to pop out of existence.  Where do they disappear to?  What is happening?  No idea.

* It’s all about set-up and pay-offs.  Anyone can come up with the intriguing mystery.  Coming up with the solution is, as Martin Gero informed the prospective writer: “What we pay you for.”

5. Carter is kidnapped by a race of men who require her for breeding purposes.

* Curiously, we’d get a variation of the “Gangbang Carter” pitch every season or so.

6. Teal’c is captured and forced to take part in a blood sport arena combat…to the death!

* Ah, the good old arena episode.  It never gets old.  Apparently.

7. SG-1 are the victims of a heist.  Their attempt to track down the powerful stolen artifact takes them to space stations, Star Wars-like alien cantinas, and a dangerous trek across a dessert planet, culminating in a confrontation with a powerful army.

* Yep, the budget for the entire season should just about cover the costs of this epic story.  If this one was ever produced, the ensuing episodes would have had to be radio plays.

I’m sure that this sort of thing isn’t confined to film and television.  I’m sure you’ve all been privy to your fair share of truly terrible ideas.  So let’s hear ‘em!

May 14, 2013: Actor Cas Anvar Answers Your Questions!

As Sayid’s brother, Omer Jarrah, in Lost.

I sit here in Joe’s guest room savoring the memory of the numerous gourmet meals I have been treated too here ( still astounded Joe’s learned to cook!) and enjoying the gorgeous home that Joe has opened up to me … am flooded with nostalgia for our high school days so I’m glad to answer all your questions cuz its letting me remember things I haven’t thought about in aaaggesss!

CAS

Sparrow_hawk writes: “Are you a fan of the Assassin’s Creed games? Have you played them? Do you have a favorite? Is there anything that makes you crazy (in an annoyed sort of way) when you play them? Does the movie begin at the beginning of the story or do they play a little fast and loose with the timeline?”

CAS: Hey S.H.! Great questions! I most def have played ‘em.. and being I’m that emotional sensitive actor type …I tend to have a preference for the awesome ending of ACR. AC3 ended a bit strangely and left me feeling a bit unsatisfied. I also LOVED the bombs in ACR ..I became a master of stealth and bomb-duggery in the end… getting rid of all my opponents with some nasty toxic gases. AC bloodlines was not too shabby either! As for Fassbender’s flick…as far as I know they only chose a writer a few months ago so it’s not likely to even be a locked story yet, let alone anything but top secret. I will say that I think that he should play Ezio and let someone ..oh i dunno … a little browner…play Altair..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auePbjyI3QM

Fan art.  When was the last time one of you guys did something like this for me?  The occasional macaroni likeness would be greatly appreciated.

Nik Tesla writes: “So, yeah. I’m a gamer. And a fan of the AC series. So, assuming that “Cas” is Anvar from AC Revelations, my question is: Were you involved in the decision to use a mid-eastern accent? Philip Shahbaz, who voiced Altair in the first game, sounded (inexplicably, given the backstory) like he was from North America. By AC Revelations, which Cas voiced, Altair had apparently acquired an accent more representative of his Syrian roots. Who makes a decision like that, and was Cas involved? What did he think of not sounding like Phillip Shahbaz? And did he meet Kristen Bell (voice of Lucy)?”

CAS: Very intuitive observation, Nik. Regarding the decision to go the direction we went, I think that Ubi wanted the accent, and they wanted the more middle eastern element for the final chapter of Ezio and Altair. As for my role in the whole thing, I came to the table with the accent but then we had the very fun challenge of aging Altair from the age of 30 to 90 during the game. A brand new challenge for me, but I loved it. We went thru numerous versions of OLD Altair before we arrived at the voices you guys heard and enjoyed in the game.

He’s a paintball wizard, gotta a paintgun in his fist!  Paintball wizard, with a braaaacelet on his wrist!

Randomness writes: “1. Are you a fan of any of the Stargate shows?
2. Are you a foodie? And if so what are your fav foods?
3. Do you have any hobbies?
4. What would you say have been the high, and low points of your career?
5. What was the most enjoyable TV show or movie you’ve appeared in?
6. As you’re shooting a movie at the moment, from what you’re allowed to say, what kind of movie is it, and what kind of role do you have?
7. What’s your fav tv show at the moment?
8. Where can you see yourself in 10 years time?”

CAS: geeezus! Now I know why you call yourself Randomness. Ok in the spirit of how you asked, here are your answers.

1-YES! The original SG is my fave! Cuz Joe & Paul rocked it !!

2- YES BBQ porterhouse steaks, Thai, sushi

3- COMICS, Gaming, Sci fi and fantasy. If someone were to offer to DM me in a game of D& D I wouldn’t turn it down…oh and my most recently acquired passion? ….PAINTBALL My team is called the SUAVE BASTARDS.  You can find our page on FB!

4-Highs have been Source Code, Neverland, and the upcoming DIANA movie (I play Dodi) and also entering into the whole COMICON world …love the fans!

Corporate takeovers can be ruthless.

5- I think The PHANTOM was my most fun bad guy.  Gotta luv beheading a businessman at a board meeting.

6 – Currently shooting BABY SELLERS here in Vancouver. Directed by my Neverland Director Nick Willing and starring Jennifer Finnigan and Kirstie Alley. A dark, brilliantly written drama about the baby trafficking trade. And yes (I know you will be shocked) I’m playing the bad guy.

Suave Bastards on the hunt…for fun!

Brian mcgee writes: “Is Cas allowed to tell us if he’s filmed this scene http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQ86b-2xpNk yet?”

Cas: Brian, you’re a deeply troubled little puppy and although I’m bound by death penalty gag orders not to reveal trade secrets … I can tell you I DID film these

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hz9S2TwzjVQ and this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BH0wMYdPJGE

Ponytail writes: “Some questions for Cas Anvar. Brave man!  You have a long diverse impressive resume. What has been your favorite job so far?”

Cas: BEST PROJECTS Neverland, Source Code, Diana, and I cannot WAIT to play Captain Eric Cern of the Starship C.AS. NOBILITY (yes… that’s right … my name is in the name of the ship is that a problem?)

Insert shameless plug – http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/cowboyerrant/will-you-bring-nobility-to-life?ref=live

In Last Resort

BEST ROLES – NEVERLAND, THE PHANTOM and LAST RESORT!

BTW you can check out clips from all these projects on my website www.casanvar.com

“Is there anything you haven’t done yet that you would like to do?”

Cas: To be the romantic lead or hero of a major series or feature, ideally something in the action genre.

“If you could only do one thing for the rest of your career, what would it be?”

Cas: ACT

“What was the funniest thing that ever happened to you while filming, recording, or acting, etc?”

Cas: So many, …but one was when shooting Source Code – Jake Gyllenhaal played a practical joke on me when we doing our scene and was hanging from the roof like a monkey in the bathroom of the train, so when I walked in ( during a take!) I had to try really hard to not crack…and said something like …’well um …I didnt realize this was occupied sir… pardon me…’ lol

With John Cusack

“Where do you live when not in Joe’s guest room? Vancouver, Toronto, NY, LA, etc?”

Cas: What do you mean? This is my only home ..oh, Joe, I forgot to ask you …Can I stay a little longer…like till 2015? (Otherwise I’ll have to go back to LA in Studio City)

“Who speaks more foreign languages, you or Joe?”

Cas: English French Farci , and smatterings of Spanish, Italian, Arabic and Hindi… Joe?

“Did you and Joe get into any trouble in High School? Like what?”

Cas: Ha! Pale broccoli – that’s all I can really say.. or wait… there was the time that someone started my dad’s boat during the toga party ..which wouldn’t have been so bad if it hadn’t been on the trailer in the front yard at the time….oh and then there was the time we ran nearly 6 miles in the middle of the night to get home because our ride was too drunk to drive and Joe and I refused to take a risk…smart boys we were. I think our prom pic says it all …can you say ‘Revenge of the Nerds’?

“I guess you got to sample dasndanger’s Puerco Pibil? Well, how was it?”

Cas: Ummm delish! Yummmmmm

Tam Dixon writes: “I recognize Cas Anvar from Netherland. Hi! I hope the visit goes well. Questions for Mr. Anvar: How does acting in movies/shows compare to video game voice roles? Which roles to you prefer between the two?”

Cas: Hey DIX!!  It’s NEVERLAND actually, but I am fondly looking forward to appearing in Netherland at some future date…;-) As for the diff between FILM/TV and voice work – it’s substantially different. 1- In voice I get to play ANY type of character I want as long as I can do the accent.  I don’t have to shave.  I can wear sweats , so I play Marines & soldiers and Russian spies and Asian baddies in my flip flops…as well as all the stuff I play on camera…its a lot of fun to play these roles I’d never get to play in real life. It’s really hard to say which one I like more… don’t make me choose ..don’t make me choose!! :-O

Mom was right. Don’t run with scissors!

Dasndanger writes: “QUESTIONS FOR CAS!!

“1. What kind of kid was Joey back in school? Quiet? Nerdy? Cool? Smart? Dumb as a bag of hammers?”

Cas: Ha! Nicely played Das…very few fans would think to ask the best friend from high school about their blogging guru.  Haha.  But now the veil is parted, and I will say that Joe…or as you so correctly called him, Joey, was a unique combination of nerdy/cool. As I recall, not a huge fan of sciences or phys ed but great at long distance running …and loved English and history classes…Not quite sure how he pulled off the whole thing though cuz the jocks liked him and the nerds liked him. Even the girls liked him.. He was kind of an Alex Keaton type except that instead of money and business he was always talking about stories and writing and super serious about it…Oh and football and D&D yikes! its scary to think about the football pools he organized (and won!) … And then there was this strange war game he invented and got the entire school addicted to playing which involved paper and pens and drawing islands and boats and doing some sort of battle ship move with the pen to blow up your opponent… completely bizarre now that I think about it… but back then… everyone was lining up to play against Joe in some massive war tournament which obviously he won. He was kinda like a modern day Tom Sawyer or Huck fin. Could get anyone to pretty much to do or like anything…but didn’t have tons of close friends. Just a few of us.  Friends with lots of girls and always there were his stories…and his writing writing writing… always writing ..Carried a spiral note book around with him 24/7 filled with chicken scrawl pages of endless stories, ideas and concepts.

“2. Do you have a specific fond memory/story about Joe and you from back in the day that you could share with us?”

Cas: I’m not sure why this comes to mind…but it was kinda hard to make Joe laugh. He had a weird sense of humor ..but being that I was kinda weird I often made him laugh without even thinking ..and that was always rewarding. I remember one time ..it seems silly now…but we were having breakfast and I said ” Jey do you want some O.J…. J.O.?” …. he died….I’m not quite sure why …but that was fun.

“3. Will you have any involvement in the planned Assassin’s Creed movie?”

Cas: Damn straight!! If I have anything to do about it …. just gotta let Michael Fassbender know… Feel free to send him a note.

“4. Do you have a favorite Persian dish that you could share with Joey and his blog followers?”

Cas: Ooooooh, good one. Umm not sure how to spell these things but FEESENJOON is awesome.  It’s pomegranate paste with walnuts and chicken…god its good! And Tadeek, the crunchy rice that cooks at the bottom of the rice cooker is a delicacy – as well as Gormeh Zabs, a stew I would probably blade soeone for.

Line Noise writes: “Question for Cas: When recording a voice for a video game are you given any context as to where your character is and what he’s doing so you know how to act?”

Cas: Sometimes LINE ! But not always .. For ACR I was shown a very rough video presentation of the gaming world …It looked like a monkey had been typing code on the keyboard …No resemblance to the epic beauty of the finished game … but it let me know the basic action then on CALL OF DUTY which was full motion capture.  We had an empty green screen room with tape marks on the ground and a verbal description of the mountain cave we were in and the thunderous artillery blowing sand and dust in our faces etc. So it was all acting… but we did get to rush to the monitor after each take and see the animated characters doing the take we had just shot in a virtual environment ..it was sooo cool!

Patricia Stewart-Bertrand writes: “For Cas: 1) How did you get int o the gamer business? Did Joe have a hand in it?
2) What advice would you give to other people who want to follow in your footsteps?
3) Joe has said that to be a successful writer you need to have talent, networking skills and luck. How do you feel about this? What has helped you the most out of the three?
4)How did you manage to get an agent, if you have one?
5) Is there any money in gaming for anyone besides the owner of the company?
6) Where do you hope your career will take you next?”

Cas: Ok, PAT (M’s future voice actress want to be) here’s the scoop: voice fell into my lap…I was a personal trainer during the writers’ strike and had a huge voice actor as a client.  She hooked me up with a big voice agency.  I was good at voices and I booked ACR as my first job…THAT WAS GOOD LUCK.

With Rainn Wilson

2- If you can do ANYTHING else in your life that makes you happy and fulfills you other than acting…DO IT! That’s my advice. This business is not for the faint of heart or the thin skinned.

3 – Talent, drive, thick skin and luck in equal quantities, yes. And you’d be surprised how little talent has to do with it at a certain point. But it is a requirement for sure. For me, my drive and inability to take NO for an answer is what got me here.

4- Agents must be sought out unless you’re a star and usually the best way is by referral. Sending materials in unsolicited usually ends up in the garbage (at least in LA).  In smaller cities, knocking on the door and dropping your resume and photo off in person does actually work if luck is on your side and they need someone like you at that time.

5- Gaming has not yet yielded the lucrative results for the talent that film and TV have done because, currently, our unions have not gotten us poor little artists a piece of the pie for gaming sales. It will come but who knows when. I want to be an action hero and dramatic classical film actor. Let’s just say if someone offered me Hugh Jackman’s career I would not likely turn it down …or rather I’d wrestle the person to the ground and force them to sign the offer in blood and scream no erassies.! As for Joe having a hand in my gaming career…I’m actually trying to get JOE into gaming. He didn’t realize till I showed him some of the newest games coming out like Ellen Page’s new BEYOND 2 SOULS game or THE LAST OF US or Assassins Creed, just how story heavy and character driven games have become. And how dependent they now are on brilliant writers to develop and create these complex new games. With technology maxing out now and visual quality at near photo realism the only direction left for developers to grow is in story…deep complex nerdgasmic stories.  You should have seen his eyes light up and his Mr. Burns hands rub together… animation-check, Sci fi –check comic books- check …Gaming…a new world to conquer.

With Jar Jar Binks

DP writes: “@Cas – What is your involvement in the playtesting?”

Cas: At this time, DP, I do not BETA test games …at least not as an actor…I sometimes will sign up online for them and play the crap outta a new game and send all my bugs to the developers…but not as part of my acting world. Thats just me being an uber geek gaming nerd!

Airelle writes: “Cas, who did the music for Nobility promo?”

Cas: Airelle, well now there’s an excellent question because it is an all original score for our new sci fi show. And it’s composed by Charles-Henri Avelange. I’m gonna put the link here so people can watch the hotness of this new series which I will be Captaining out of dry dock.

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/cowboyerrant/will-you-bring-nobility-to-life?ref=live

Yet another shameless plug – Feel free to support NOBILITY.  There are 2 weeks left to get it going and we really do have the most awesome team on board. I even dropped the bug in Joe’s ear to ponder writing a season (or 2).

OK off to do another day’s shooting on Baby Sellers as the nefarious Vikram (baby seller extraordinaire)

Baby-selling Vikram

Tagged: Altair, Assassin's Creed, Cas Anvar, Gaming

May 13, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Thor!

Dis movie slower den Snuffleupagus backing up.  It take longer to get going den Grover de morning after Furries Night at Ye Olde Sesame Street Pub.

Movie begin in 965 AD when Odin, King of Asgard, defeat army of Frost Giants and save de nine realms (Earth, Middle Earth, Lower Earth, Ringworld, Narnia, Neverland, Westeros, Oz, and De Mushroom Kingdom).  A truce be called but, years later, it broken by de Frost Giants who try to steal de source of deir power – let’s call it de frost box.  Dis not sit very well wit our dreamy hero, Thor, son of Odin, who enlist help of his fellow Norse Gods – de most un-Scandinavian looking bunch since de Muppet Show pit band, Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem.

Dreamy

Thor and co. visit Frost Giants and kick ass.  Odin show up, reprimand Thor, and punish him by banishing him to Earth.

Odin have a temper.  And a golden eye patch.

On Earth, Thor, stripped of his godly powers but still holding onto his heavenly good looks, get reskued by team of scientists in New Mexico. Scientists not sure what to do wit him.  He a real fish out of water, claiming be a god, and seem downright crazy.  On de other hand, his abs be pretty spektacular – so scientists decide to let him hang around.

Meanwhile, it turn out Thor’s hammer, Mjolnir, banished to New Mexico too.  It get diskovered by locals, den government agents, but no one able to pick it up.  Thor hear about it, sneak in, try to pick it up – but can’t. He captured but eskape and develop fast-track romance with sexy scientist over course of one maudlin night-time conversation.

Meanwhile, we diskover dat Thor’s brother, Loki, behind all de Frost Giant trouble.

Loki

It turn out he helping de Frost Giants because he really a Frost Giant baby adopted by Odin after de war.  But why, you may ask, he not look anyting like a Frost giant?  Shut de F up, me may answer.

Meanwhile, Thor’s buddies travel to Earth to get him back.  But Loki find out and send de Destroyer, a automated Asgard sekurity system, after dem to kill Thor.  Great aktion sekwence ensue.  Thor’s buddies getting deir asses kicked.  Thor offer to sacrifice himself for his friends. Dis prove he be worthy and Mjolnir fly to him.  Finally, he be Thor again and fun can start!  Halfway through de movie

Hammer Time!

Thor defeat Destroyer.  He and his buddies return to Asgard to stop Loki from leading Frost Giants against Odin -

BUT it turn out Loki set up entire scenario to defeat Frost Giants once and for all and prove himself to Odin.  Turns out he just be misunderstood.  Awwwwwwww.

Thor destroys de rainbow bridge, cutting off Asgard from Earth and puppy heaven.  Loki allow himself to fall into dark abyss after his feelings hurt by Odin.

Back on Earth, pretty scientist pining away for Thor and his abs. Meanwhile, it revealed that Loki be still alive!  Dun-dun-DAAAAAH!

Verdikt: Great once it finally get going – halfway thru de movie.

Rating: 6.5 chocolate chippee cookies.

Tagged: comic book movies, Comic Books, Comics, Cookie Monster film reviews, Cookie Monster movie reviews, Cookie Monster reviews Thor, Cookie Monster superhero movie reviews, superhero movies, superheroes, Thor