Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 426

March 25, 2014: Meet and Greet! And Stand and Wait!

Today, I attended an industry meet and greet.  A rarity for me because I tend to find these “informal” get-togethers uncomfortable, earnest, awkward, and always permeated by that unmistakable stench of desperation.  ”Hi, I’m Bill Swizby!  Love your show!  I hope to one day write for a production of equally high calibre!” (subtext:  ”Hi!  I live in my mother’s basement and my single daily meal usually consists of liquid cheese.  PLEASE, give me a job!”).

To be fair, there’s no shame in networking, and people who are good at meeting people tend to do well in this business, often making up for a lack of talent by having the right connections.  The sad reality is that as much as WE all loved Stargate, no one in Los Angeles really knows the show and no one in Toronto seems to care. People aren’t going to hire you if they don’t know who you are so it’s not a bad idea to put a face to name on the script and make a good impression.  My problem is that the individuals I tend to make a good impression on are the people who can’t really help me out in that regard, fellow writers or production personnel who I end up chatting with for the simple reason that…they’re fun to talk to.  This afternoon, for instance, I met a wonderful VFX guy, a lovely freelance writer, and a positively delightful coordinator who – bonus! – also happened to be a huge Stargate: Universe fan.  None of the aforementioned will help me sell a show, but they’ll all, no doubt, make great company over a few rounds.

Early on, during the scrum for seats, I did manage to flag down one network executive and had a brief and pleasant chat with her, but that was about the extent of my accomplishments on this day.  Okay, that’s not exactly true.  I managed to sit through the panel without fidgeting too much.  And I did have that big chocolate chip cookie.

I did make an effort.  Once the formalities wrapped, I stood around in five minutes increments, waiting to talk   just quickly introduce myself  say goodbye to the various network execs.  No dice.  It was like a wedding procession where you’re waiting for the groom’s drunk roommate to move along so that you can hand over your envelope.  One fellow was like a mime on crank, wide-eyed, animated, gesticulating wildly, commanding undivided attention.  Another couple, from a local production house, took a page out of the Brooklyn Nets playbook and actually boxed me out when I approached.    THEY had gotten to there first and they weren’t sharing!

So I finished my big cookie and went home.

If nothing else, today’s experience did provide me with some invaluable pointers for the next meet and greet:

#1. Sit close to the front and wear comfortable shoes so that you can outrace the other attendees to your target.

#2. The complimentary baked goods are a planned distraction on the part of your enemies.

#3. Laughing at absolutely everything anyone says is no guarantee people are going to like you.

#4. Wear something distinct that will set you apart from the crowd AND leave an impression (ie. a monocle or hip waders).

#5. Find creative ways to monopolize your target’s attention and keep your rivals at bay.  This, for instance, is a design I’m working on for next time which incorporates tip #4 as well:

℅ heroesofnewerth.com (KhaosTarakhe)

#6: Be interesting.  Or do something interesting that you can talk about on the day (ie. invent a popular app, save a life, learn to drive a rig, etc.)

#7: In the unlikely event you aren’t interesting (and can’t manufacture it), then make sure your pitch and/or script is interesting.

#8: Finally, in the unfortunate event neither you nor the project your pitching is interesting, make the best of things by stocking up on those complimentary baked goods and coffee.

March 24, 2014: Notes of interest! And on notes!

It’s the routine on practically every production I’ve worked on: 1. Writers receive notes.  2. Writers get on the phone to discuss notes with executives.  3. Writers do (ish) the notes.  But, in my later years on Stargate, I decided to implement a new policy.  I started giving notes on the notes I received (let’s call this step in the process 1b).  I always found it much easier to present concise, logically considered written arguments for how we could or, alternately, why we should not incorporate certain suggestions/requests/demands into a script.  Certainly MUCH easier than verbally winging it on a conference call free-for-all.  Oh, we would still have the conference calls – but at least they’d be more focused and, thankfully, a hell of a lot shorter.  Anyway, providing notes on notes is something I’ve continued to do ever since.  Well, today I was on a lengthy conference call in which I was given input on how to best present my latest notes on the notes I received last week.  Yes, as Akemi pointed out at dinner, I received notes on my notes on notes.  I couldn’t help but wonder if the person I was speaking to was advised on how best to approach delivering the suggested changes to my original email.  Now THAT would have been awesome: notes on notes on notes on notes.

Only in this business.

Well, this is nice.  A happy ending for the senior citizens who lost their dog, Buddy, to an “animal rescue” earlier this year (background: http://josephmallozzi.wordpress.com/2014/01/26/january-26-2014-dog-matters-whats-up-with-the-humane-alliance-of-rutherford-county/).

Buddy is back home (https://www.facebook.com/groups/bringbuddybackhome/?ref=br_tf)

Now there’s the matter of the other twenty or so dogs being held by The Humane Alliance of Rutherford County: https://www.facebook.com/groups/FreeTheDogs/?ref=br_tf

Ah, everything old is new again!  Study Questions Fat and Heart Disease Link

“Many of us have long been told that saturated fat, the type found in meat, butter and cheese, causes heart disease. But a large and exhaustive new analysis by a team of international scientists found no evidence that eating saturated fat increased heart attacks and other cardiac events.”

I’m convinced that if we wait long enough, eventually boomerangs and drive-ins will come back in style!

March 23, 2014: Lulu and I will sleep well tonight!

What an incredibly productive day.  I had to wake up at 7:00 a.m. this morning to bring Jelly out but, rather than go back to bed, I elected to stay up and get some work done on one of my new pilots.  The plan was to complete a single flashback sequence but one scene led to another (as they’re supposed to do), I got on a bit of roll and, before I knew it, I’d finished a little over 15 pages and reached the top of the third act.  I would honestly feel better about it if I knew the crucial details of Acts IV and V, but I’m not going to be greedy.  I do like what I have so far.  It’s crazy.  In a great way.  Hopefully, a network out there will love it as well.  But, if not, I think I might actually upload this one to the blog.  It’s too much fun not to share.

In addition to writing, I also made time to bring Lulu to the local bulldog meetup. Some of the highlights…

Lulu seeking attention #1.

Lulu seeking attention #2

Lulu seeking attention #3

Lulu seeking attention #4

Lulu needs braces

And the inevitable pawsticuffs…

And this interesting move…

Tagged: bulldogs, Dogs, french bulldogs, Vancouver bulldogs, Vancouver french bulldogs

March 22, 2014: My Top 10 Pie Countdown!

#10

@www.health.com

Apple pie a la mode

#9

@AprilAthena7.com

Pumpkin pie with whipped cream

#8

@www.marthastewart.com

Mississippi mud pie

#7

@www.roadfood.com

Banana cream pie

#6

http://www.eatyourworld.com

Tourtiere

#5

http://www.circle-b-kitchen.squarespace.com

Sugar pie

#4

@www.justataste.com

Joe’s Stone Crab key lime pie

#3

@www.chefseattle.com

Cherry pie a la mode

#2

@www.wikipedia.org

Pecan pie

#1

@www.arktimes.com

Blueberry pie a la mode

And one I’m looking forward to checking out:

@www.makersmark.com

Buttermilk bourbon pie (Buttermilk Bourbon Pie)

Agree?  Fiercely disagree?  Let’s see you vehemently defend your favorite pie!

March 21, 2014: The #SadTVShows highlights!

The highlights from last night’s #sadTVshows twitter extravaganza:

Tagged: #sadTVshows

March 20, 2014: News of note!

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I’m no “expert”, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say no to both.

Those who make fun of FOX News clearly have not taken the time to check out CNN lately or, as I like to call it, The Jodi Arias Missing Malaysian Airline Network.  Their anchors are always indignant, voicing their theatrical outrage about something or other.  But, every so often, we’re treated to actual hard news.  Like the other day, for instance, when viewers received confirmation that Flight 370 was probably NOT swallowed by a black hole.  I know, I know.  It seems like a reach, but it’s good to get that reassurance.  : Anchor Don Lemon asked the, uh, “experts” the hard-hitting question: “Is it preposterous?”: CNN’s Don Lemon: ‘Is It Preposterous’ to Think a Black Hole Caused Flight 370 to Go Missing?  As it turns out – Yes, yes it is, Don. Also, not to nitpick the “expert”, but equally preposterous is the notion that a small black hole would “suck in our entire universe”.

Mmmm. What’s cooking? Oh? Your damp socks?

Imagine how much weight Jared would have lost if he’d eaten these instead?  http://metro.co.uk/2014/03/18/was-it-a-footlong-subway-worker-caught-drying-her-wet-socks-in-bread-oven-4642098/

Then what is it?  Find out here: Don’t trust your eyes! Let these unique pieces of art challenge your perception of reality

A little girl and her dog.  [Note to Das: Not sad.  Okay to click!] http://www.boredpanda.com/harper-lola-dog-friendship-rebecca-leimbach/

Who are the bitchiest most defensive fans in America?  Jut in time for March Madness, Deadspin breaks down their Bitchy Brackets.  http://deadspin.com/who-are-the-bitchiest-most-defensive-fans-in-america-1542968511.  I’m taking Paleo Dieters to pulls the first round upset over New Jerseyites.

Kids are leaving Facebook.  Where are they going?  The answer may surprise you:

Via our pal Martin Gero: Another reason you should be eating dark chocolate.  http://io9.com/why-dark-chocolate-is-so-damn-good-for-you-1546437895

And, on the other hand, there’s this study: Study Links Meat, Sugar Consumption To Early Death Among Those Who Choose To Be Happy In Life

In the unlikely event I missed some news of note, please enlighten us in the comments section of this blog.

 

March 19, 2014: Expressions I really hate!

DON’T use these around me.  You’ve been warned!

Amazeballs: This was amusing for about twelve hours back in 2009.

Redonkulous: Really?  You’re still quoting a characters from FOX’s defunct The O.C.?

Addicting: I’ve mentioned this one several times.  The word you’re looking for is addictive.

Frak: Yeah.  I get it.  You like science fiction.  And, while it may have been cool on t.v., it’s less cool in public.  Trust me.

Sweet: Especially when attempted with an Eric Cartman inflection.

OMG, LOL, and any other online short-hard incorporated into an actual conversation.

Literally: 9 times out of 10, you actually mean “figuratively”.  If it’s the 1 out of 10 times it does make sense, then it’s unnecessary.

Good for you!: I can’t imagine a more patronizing expression.

That’s what SHE said: I was willing to let this one go for duration of The Office’s run on NBC (and that was being generous since the character of Michael Scott, who popularized this phrase, left the show two years before it’s final episode), but enough is enough.

Should of, Could of, and varied improper uses of the world “of”:  It’s actually “should’ve” and “could’ve” (short for “should HAVE” and “could HAVE”).

March 18, 2014: Casual dining, out and at home! Dogs snacking on phyllo crisps!

I checked the mailbox today where I discovered a note from Canada Post informing me that they tried to deliver a package yesterday morning but no one was home.  If I wanted to pick up the parcel, I could do so at the nearby post office.  ”Package for me?”asked Akemi as I walked back into the house.

“No,”I said.  ”It’s for me.”  And showed her the note.  It read: “Akemi’s Joseph Mallozzi.”

“But the package is for me,”she insisted.  ”It’s from my father in Japan.”

“Maybe,”I said, “but it says Akemi’s Joseph Mallozzi.  And since I am YOUR Joseph Mallozzi, that means it’s for me.”

“Do you think I’ll have to show my I.D. to pick it up?  Or should you bring your I.D.?”

“I think we should both bring our I.D.  You have to prove you’re Akemi and then I have to prove I’m Joseph Mallozzi.  After all, I could be anyone’s Joseph Mallozzi.”

So we went to the post office and picked up the package which ended up containing items for both of us: lipstick for her, green tea for both of us, and…

Joe and Hers chopsticks.  Check ‘em out.  They have my name on them.  ”Why my name is not on the other chopsticks?”wondered Akemi.

Beats me.  ”Maybe he forgot your name?”  She frowned but I cheered her up by promising to etch her name into her chopstick with my exacto knife later this week.

Also in the package, for me, were this set of hiragana/katakana/workbooks.

I imagine that, at some point last month, the family was going through all the signatures in Akemi’s sister’s wedding book and came across what no doubt looked like a child’s scrawl, or the Japanese script of a plucky dimwit.  Upon closer scrutiny, however, they no doubt realized it was neither A nor B but C)  A spirited attempt to spell the name “Joe” by yours truly.  Clearly horrified, they decided to send me these in preparation for the next big family event.

I’m thinking of starting an occasional Best of Vancouver column in which I highlight the city’s best.  The best place to go for chocolate.  The best place to go for chocolate desserts.  The best place to go for hot chocolate.  The best place to go for non-chocolate anything.  One of the places that may well make the list of Best Places to go for a cheap eats is the Congee House on East Broadway.  The other day, Akemi and I stopped by for a tasty lunch of…

Crispy pork on rice.  How do they get the skin so light and crispy?  Every attempt we’ve made to replicate our pork skin has failed miserably – and, in some instances, painfully.

Congee.  I like mine with those century eggs (that, it sadly turns out aren’t 1000 years old at all but just a few months old as that’s how long it takes for the egg to incorporate aspects of the clay and ash in which it’s been preserved).

And back on the home front…

Akemi loves making this phyllo-layered pastry pizza.

 While I tried my hand at gumbo.

And, since Akemi was in the mood for something raw – tuna sashimi with avocado on rice.

In the spirit of Dogs Eating Ice Cream, I present Dogs Eating Phyllo Crisps…

It never fails.  No matter what she eats, Jelly invariably ends up with food on her face.

Today’s entry is dedicated to blog regulars Das and birthday boy Woody Woodward!

March 17, 2014: May Book of the Month Club poll results! Ultimate Personality Quiz final results! The results of my random thoughts recorded on this blog! And results of Lulu sunning herself just a little too long!

Ooh, it was a nail biter.  Our May Book of the Month Club pick came down to the very last vote.  The results:

The winner: The Rich and the Dead by Liv Sepctor.

Welcome to Star Island, where Miami’s wealthiest residents lead private lives behind the tall gates of their sprawling mansions. It’s a blissful escape from the hot and dirty city—or it was, until New Year’s Day 2015, when twelve of the most powerful people in the world were found murdered in the basement of a Star Island mansion.

The massacre shocked the nation and destroyed the life of investigator Lila Day. Her hunt for the Star Island killer consumed her. But the case went unsolved, resulting in her dismissal from the Miami PD.

Now, three years later, life hands Lila an unexpected second chance: reclusive billionaire Teddy Hawkins approaches Lila and asks her to solve the case. But how do you investigate a crime when all the leads have long ago gone cold? The answer, Teddy tells her, is to solve the case before it happens. He’s going to send Lila back in time.

With nothing left to lose, an incredulous Lila travels back to 2014, determined to find the Star Island killer once and for all. But as she goes undercover among the members of Miami’s high society, she finds herself caring for—and falling for—people who are destined to die that fateful night. Now she must either say good-bye or risk altering the future forever.

Intriguing, no?  But they all sounded intriguing and I’m sure you’ll all be joining me in reading all the nominees.

Discussion on The Rich and the Dead kicks off Monday, May 5th!

Meanwhile, in other interesting-only-to-me news, the results of the ultimate Personality Quiz are in and they yielded the following results…

I usually don’t put much stock in these things, but this one was eerily accurate, identifying me – as of all things – Mario Batali’s Apron.  NOT turnip or Christmas ornament or Maureen’s Office Chair, but Mario Batali’s Apron.  Uncanny!

And the search for a new dog-sitter resumes!  Our Vegas trip is still two months away, but it would be nice to have someone on board sooner than later.  My dogs are low-maintenance, my liquor cabinet is fully stocked, and it pays well.  So why is finding someone so tough?

Started reading Jeanette Walls’ The Glass Castle last night.  50 pages in and so far, so great.  And, given how annoyingly picky I am when it comes to books, that saying A LOT.

A special shout-out today to The Walking Dead which, with last night’s episode, demonstrated why it’s kicking ass in the ratings – offering up the type of provocative storytelling that you’ll never find on network television.

I somehow ended up spending an hour on youtube last night, watching videos of bullies getting pwned.  There are, admittedly, more productive ways to spend my time – but, I have to say, it was pretty damn satisfying.

Sunny day.  Lulu soaks it up!

Today’s blog entry is dedicated to birthday gal and blog regular PBMom!

March 16, 2014: My February Reading List – Capsule Reviews!

Books I read last month…

Star Road - Matthew Costello and Rick Hautala

A former rebel leader, now working for the World Council, is tasked with traveling to a distant world and offering his former cohorts clemency and, hopefully, an end to their protracted rebellion.  To get there, however, he must ride the mysterious Star Road.

I was really looking forward to checking this one out, especially after reading this in the synopsis: “His fellow passengers on Star Road Vehicle-66 are a suspicious group, all with their own hidden reasons for traversing the star road.”  I was expecting an intriguing cast of colorful characters, each with a hidden agenda that would keep me guessing.  Instead, I got some fairly straightforward personalities and not much in the way of engaging  secrets.  Some promising ideas here and a great extended action sequence involving alien reptilian predators, but ultimately undermined by stock characters and an oddly clipped narrative style.

American Gods - Neil Gaiman

Shadow, our protagonist, is released from prison early so that he can attend his wife’s funeral.  On his way back home, he is approached by the enigmatic Mr. Wednesday who offers him a job working for him.  And so begins Neil Gaiman’s head-spinning masterpiece about life, death, faith, and deific survival.  An epic narrative that twists and turns, confounds and surprises.  To quote my second grade teacher Mrs. Vowels: “It’s time to put your thinking caps on!”

NOS4A2 - Joe Hill

I’ve read Joe Hill’s work in the past and enjoyed it, but have never really LOVED any of his books- until this one.  With N0S4A2, Hill finally comes into his own with an unsettling story about missing kids, a dark fantasy land, and a creepy yet surprisingly nuanced villain.  A standout read.

Life After Life - Kate Atkinson

Heralded for being incredibly inventive, this book opens with a scene as hoary as time travel fiction itself (the old “If I could go back in time and kill Hitler” chestnut) and ends with a scene that, quite frankly, doesn’t make a lick of sense.  But, in between, you have a very well-written and engaging book that isn’t quite as clever or original as many critics would have us believe – unless, of course, you never saw Run, Lola, Run which uses the exact same convention.

The Lives of Tao - Wesley Chu

An ordinary schlub is enlisted by an alien parasite in a civil war against a merciless enemy.

A fun read and one I would have enjoyed a lot more had I not got stuck on one egregious logic lapse early on.  The bad guys are incredibly powerful, yet can’t be bothered to fork over twenty bucks and do a license plate check on our hero’s abandoned car and thereby learn his identity.  Of course, their doing so would have meant their discovering his whereabouts early in the narrative, which would have deep-sixed the majority of the story involving Tao’s secret agent training, his roommate, his job, and love life.  Amusing if you’re not too analytical a reader.

Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood & the Prison of Belief - Lawrence Wright

A history of scientology and its frighteningly far reach.  Terrifying.

Hang Wire - Adam Christopher

Our sleepwalking protagonist’s somnambulist sorties appear to coincide with a rash of recent murders.  Is Ted Hall responsible?  Or does the serial killer’s true identity lie within the ranks of the circus rolling through town?  The answer may not surprise you, but it confused and frustrated me.  Very weird – and not necessarily in a good way.  Though fast paced, at times it reads as if it the entire novel was written in one furiously inspired sitting.

The Echo - Jame Smythe

A sequel to The Explorer, a novel that started strong before devolving into silliness, The Echo offers an equally promising start before essentially covering familiar territory.  It feels more like a re-do than an actual sequel – but, having said that, it IS superior to the original.

A Tale for the Time Being - Ruth Ozeki

Interesting discussions of time, life, and death in this novel about  a woman in Canada who finds the diary of a young Japanese girl when it washes ashore one day. My biggest issue with this book is that the writings of the young Nao don’t read like the voice of a 16 year old Japanese girl. They read more like what a 50-something year old North American writer would think a 16 year old Japanese girl would sound like.  Young Nao is impossibly erudite and profound throughout but then, at one point, expresses a desire to visit Tokyo Disneyland so that she can shake hands with Mickey-chan because they are kindred spirits.  Also, the late foray into meta-supernatural territory feels like a misstep.

Warlock: The Complete Collection - Jim Starlin

Adam Warlock’s swan song is one of my favorite single issue comic books, so when I came across this at my local shop, I had to pick it up.  Jim Starlin’s complete run on the celestial hero has a definite 70′s vibe, at times trippingly delightful, and at times cringingly silly (I’ve got two words for you: Space Shark!).  Recommended if you’re a fan.

Love Minus Eighty - Will macintosh

After running down and killing a jogger, the guilt-ridden driver takes to visiting his “deceased” victim at a cryogenic dating facility where dead women are kept in stasis for future resurrection, provided a prospective suitor is willing to foot the bill for the pricey process.

Provocative and smart, it’s a novel chalk full of moral and ethical complexity. Eventually, however, the fascinating premise is stretched a little too long and thin.