Paul Garrigan's Blog, page 24

Losers and Winners Have the Same Excuses for Failure

In this video and podcast I discuss how the people who succeed in life have all the same excuses for failure as those who do not succeed – the difference is those who succeed focus on solutions and taking action rather than excuses. Press play to watch the video – the podcast of this episode is below:

Press play to listen to the podcast edition of this episode:

7 Reasons it Took Me Almost Two Decades to Escape Alcoholism

I ended up trapped in alcohol addiction for almost two decades – a huge chunk of my life that I can never get back. It didn’t have to be that way. Here are the seven reason for why it took me almost two decades to break away from alcohol:

1. I Gave Myself the Option to Relapse

I used the claim that ‘relapse is a normal part of recovery’ as a ‘get out of jail free’ card – I adopted the catchphrase, “of course I’m drinking again, I’m an alcoholic”. I didn’t realize that I could just decide to give up drinnking forever without allowing myself this relapse option. Instead I took on the role of a powerless victim, and I refused to take responsibility for my returns to alcohol. It wasn’t until I committed to breaking away from drinking forever that I became able to let go of relapse option.

2. I Never Gave Up Being an Alcoholic

I would manage to stop drinking for long periods (once I lasted for two years with the help of AA), but I never gave up being an alcoholic. I know some people are able to build a good life by taking on the persona of the ‘recovering alcoholic’, but this didn’t work for me because it meant alcohol continued to be on the center stage in my life. My drinking problems ended when I quit the booze for the last time in 2006. I not only gave up alcohol, I gave up being an alcoholic.

3. I Believed I Was Too Young to Quit Drinking

I hit my first treatment center at age nineteen, but I didn’t stop drinking for good until I’d reached my mid-thirties. My exploits with alcohol led to a great deal of suffering in my life, but there would always be this idea in the back of my mind that I was too young to quit. It was complete bullshit of course – alcohol sucked all the goodness out of my life, and I was never too young to choose happiness.

4. I Didn’t Have a Good Enough Reason to Quit Drinking

After I hit my first treatment center, I knew that I ‘should’ give up alcohol. The other strong motivation for my regular attempts to quit was fear – I didn’t want to endure the horrible death of the alcoholic. The problem is that ‘should’ and ‘fear’ are the two shittiest reasons in the world for giving up anything – neither is going to provide strong and lasting motivation. In the end my motivation for giving up drinking was the same for why I turned to alcohol in the first place – I wanted to find inner-peace and happiness.

5. I Focused on What I Was Giving Up and Not What I Was Gaining

Giving up something is hard but taking action in order to gain something you really want is much easier. I stopped drinking because I wanted to find happiness, so it no longer felt like I was giving anything up.

6. I Blamed All of My Problems on Alcohol

My alcohol problems ended the day I gave up drinking for good – since then I’ve had life problems just like everyone else. For years I would blame everything on alcoholism – I’d even do this during my sober periods. I didn’t realize that I’m just a human that had an alcohol problem and not some type of special entity called an ‘alcoholic.

7. I Focused on Excuses for Being an Alcoholic Instead of Taking Action

The problem with focusing on excuses is that it just sucks away all my motivation. There is always going to be an excuse not to do something, yet successful people still manage to get things done all the time. Thinking about the reasons I couldn’t stop drinking only kept me trapped in failure, but when I diverted my energy to taking action and away from making excuses, the most amazing things began to happen.

How to Avoid My Mistakes and Avoid Wasting Years to Alcoholism

If you are getting what you need from a 12-Step program, you might want to stop reading at this point – some of these suggestions are almost the opposite of what is recommended by AA. Here are my suggestions for how you can avoid my mistakes:

If you are serious about breaking away from alcohol, don’t give yourself the relapse option.
Give up being an alcoholic
The only right time to give up alcohol is now – just do it

Have a clear positive reasons for why you want to give up alcohol

Don’t think of it as giving up alcohol, see it as gaining a much better life

Stop blaming all of your problems on alcohol
Stop making excuses for why you are still drinking – instead focus on taking action to change this

7 Things I Hate to Admit About Myself

This is one of those posts where I’m going to feel nervous before hitting the publish button. It it wise to be so open about my life? Will you guys be able to judge these admissions in context or will you just see me as a bit of a loser?

I Worry That I’m a Shit Father

My son is the most important thing in my life, but I worry that I’m a shit father. The problem is that I get so lost in my own thoughts. I work from home, but I can be very distant at times. Timmy is growing up so fast, and I just need to make more time for him. I get annoyed with myself because what I should be doing is so obvious, making more time for him, but I just keep on slipping back into my obsessions.

I Worry that Being a Good Writer is the Best I Can Achieve

I make my living as a writer so being good is the bare minimum in order to survive. There are millions of good writers out there so it just isn’t enough. If being a good writer is the best that I can achieve, it means that I’m screwed. I’m going to do everything possible to become a brilliant writer, but what if I just don’t have what it takes?

I Felt Disappointed by the Performance of Dead Drunk

One of the greatest experiences of my life was the promotional work surrounding the release of my book Dead Drunk back in 2010. For a two week period, I got to appear on TV and radio and even got invited to do some book signings. I felt like I’d arrived, and it seemed inevitable that my book would be a huge hit – in my mind it had already sold millions of copies. Dead Drunk did go on to sell a few thousand copies, and I’ve received plenty of positive feedback (some have even claimed my story changed their life), but I was just expecting so much more.

There Have Been Times When My Only Reason to Stay Alive Has Been My Family

I have managed to build a great life since giving up alcohol seven years ago, so it is not easy for me to admit that there have been a few times when worry and depression has caused me to question the benefits of being alive. The only reason for wanting to continue existing on these dark days has been my wife and son – as well as my family back in Ireland.



I’m a Hypochondriac with a Fear of the Medical Profession

I’ve worked in the medical profession as a nurse, but I have a deep distrust of putting my life into the care of other people. I avoid going near doctors unless my symptoms are so bad that I can’t ignore them any longer. A couple of years ago I worried myself sick about a lump on my testicles, but I waited over a week before going to the hospital.

I Sometimes Feel Like I Made a Mistake By Giving Up Nursing

I gave up the secure career of a nurse to become a freelance blogger three years ago. I loved nursing but writing is my dream job. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been, so I took the plunge and launched myself into a new career. I expected things to be tough in the beginning, but I wasn’t prepared for just how inherently unstable freelance work can be. It wouldn’t be so bad if I was just gambling with my own future, but I’m also gambling with the future of my wife and son.

I’m Fearful of Dying Relatively Young

I’m afraid of dying before reaching the age of sixty – I also worry that by entertaining this fear, I’m creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. I don’t know if it’s normal to have this type of fear, or if it is a message coming from my subconscious? In a way I’m glad to have this fear because momento mori is such a great motivator for getting the most out of life.

Dangers of Moving from Alcoholism to Magical Thinking

Developing a spiritual life in recovery can be very rewarding. Teachings such as ‘letting go’, ‘positive thinking’, and ‘non-attachment’ are very powerful, and they can cause us to develop to serenity and compassion. The danger is when we take things to extremes, and this is what I discuss in this video and podcast.

Here is the podcast of this episode:

My Five Biggest Mistakes as an Expat in Thailand

 

I’m so glad I made the decision to move to Thailand in 2002, but it hasn’t always been easy living here. The first few years were particularly bumpy due to my enthusiasm for drinking alcohol in super-human quantities. Here are the five biggest mistakes I’ve made as an expat in Thailand:

1. I Became Convinced The Thai Way of Life Was Superior

I arrived on Phangan Island for a two-weeks holiday in 2001 after being inspired by the book The Beach by Alex Garland. It turned out to be the best holiday of my life – I wasn’t too disappointed when nobody asked me to join them living on an uninhabited island like in the book. Thailand felt incredibly exotic but most important of all, it felt liked I’d found something I’d always been looking for.

I decided that Thailand had to be the most perfect place on earth – there weren’t enough adjectives in my Thai dictionary to describe how great everything was. I came back to Thailand a year later, and I’ve never left.

My expectations for Thailand were naive and incredibly unrealistic. I became obsessed with the culture, and I wanted to make the Thai way of life my own. It took a bit of time before the horrible realization hit me that Thailand wasn’t as perfect as I’d believed. I felt betrayed, and I began to experience culture shock.

2. I Became Convinced That Moving to Thailand Would Fix Me

I wasn’t such a happy-camper before I arrived in Thailand. I had a good career as a nurse, but I also had an alcohol problem that was getting harder for me to hide. I’d experienced a complete mental breakdown a few years earlier due to alcohol, and I could feel myself moving rapidly in that direction. I blamed my environment, and I became convinced that moving to Thailand would fix me.

I somehow managed to survive as a drunk for my first five years living here – my wonderful wife deserves much of the credit for this. It turned out that Thailand wasn’t such a swell place to escape alcoholism at all – sort of like a binge-eater moving into Willy Wonker’s Chocolate Factory. I found out the hard way that moving to Thailand not only meant bringing my problems with me but also having them magnified.

3. I Became Convinced The Thai Way of Life Was Inferior

Culture shock can be tough to deal with because it involves many of the same symptoms as depression. Cracks begin to appear in my unconditional love for the Thai way of life at about year two.

I remember one day becoming absolutely furious with the way the workmen were laying down tarmac on the road near our house – they didn’t seem to be doing it the way I’d seen it done in Europe. I had this almost irresistible urge to tell them how shit they were at their job – even though I knew nothing about laying tarmac (I didn’t know about Google back then).

After the incident with the tarmac it became impossible for me to ignore the reality that I’d developed culture shock. The problem wasn’t the Thai way of life at all – the problem was me.

The irony of culture shock is that it is usually the things we originally loved the most about the new country that become the the focus of most of our suffering. The thing I really admired about Thai people was their laid back ‘mai pen rai’ attitude to life. Within a few years this unhurried approach to everything began to bug the shit out of me.

4. I Expressed Open a Skepticism About The Beliefs of Thai People

I lived in a Thai village in rural Thailand for about 5 years, and I was surrounded by people who believed in ghosts, magic, and the ability to make merit. I saw these beliefs as cute, but I also felt they were due to lack of education.

I took to the role of super-skeptic and tried to save the locals from the horror of non-scientific ways of thinking by explaining how ghosts didn’t exist. I also upset my wife by mocking the beliefs of our neighbors. I was an insufferable arrogant prat, and I feel embarrassed by my attitude now – thankfully this phase didn’t last very long.

5. I Tried Using Assertiveness to Get My Way in Thailand

I come from a culture where the ‘squeaky wheel gets the oil’. I’d attended lots of assertiveness training courses, and I felt confident in my ability to assert my rights. The problem was that this type of assertiveness doesn’t work in Thailand – in fact, being assertive is probably the worst thing you can do if you want to benefit from good service.

 

How to Avoid My Expat Mistakes in Thailand

Have realistic expectations if you plan to move to Thailand – nowhere is perfect
Sort out your demons before you come to Thailand – don’t bring an alcohol problem to Thailand because there is a huge risk it will end badly for you.
Be aware of the symptoms of culture shock and don’t allow it to destroy your life in Thailand
Don’t come to Thailand to save the locals from themselves – you’ll just end up looking like a twat
It is far more effective to use a smile and humor to get your way rather than assertiveness

Get Sober By Not Talking Yourself into Failure

Giving up alcohol is going to be a real struggle while we continue to carry our excuses for failure around like a security blanket – I found this out the hard way. The way we talk about our life has a huge impact on how we experience things, and it is too easy to talk ourselves into a struggle that doesn’t need to exist. Press play to watch the video, and you will find the video of this episode below:

Press play to listen to the podcast edition of this episode:

5:2 Intermittent Fasting to Overcome Grazing Habit

One of the main driving forces behind my middle-age weight gain has been my habit of grazing. I tend to snack between meals for no real reason – this grazing has nothing to do with hunger. I’ve committed to 10-weeks of 5:2 intermittent fasting in an attempt to break free of this unnecessary grazing habit.

Radical Steps to Break the Grazing Habit

Some nutrition experts experts suggest that grazing can actually be a good thing – especially if it means we eat lots of small meals throughout the day. The problem is that I’ve been eating small meals on top of large meals. The scary thing about this grazing is I don’t even notice that I’m doing it half the time. If I walk into the kitchen to make a coffee, I’ll automatically start looking for something in the fridge.

I’m the type of person who needs to take massive action in order to make a real difference to my life. This is why I’ve been using 5:2 Intermittent fasting to help me overcome my love of grazing. I’m teaching my body that it’s okay to be hungry, and that an empty stomach adds to the pleasure of eating.

Halfway Through My 10 Weeks of 5:2 Intermittent Fasting, and I’ve Stopped Grazing

I completed my tenth 24-hour fast yesterday, so I’m now halfway through my 10-weeks of intermittent fasting. I’ve become used to going hours at a time without eating, and I don’t have any urge to graze between meals. If I’m busy working, I can actually forget to eat, and this isn’t something I’ve done in a few years.

My Brand New Chapter

I’ve just launched a new website called brandnewchapter.com. I’ve created this site with the intention of inspiring people to take radical action to improve their life – of course, the person I most want to influence is myself.

The Need for a Brand New Chapter

A couple of months ago I hit another rock-bottom in my life – I only realize this now. I sort of feel hesitant to use the term ‘rock-bottom’ – it wasn’t anything that dramatic, and it didn’t involve much suffering. In many ways my life felt great, but it just became impossible for me to continue along the same path.

I gave up alcohol in 2006, and I’ve been trying to create the best possible life for myself since then. The problem is that ‘trying’ isn’t the same as ‘doing’ – in fact, ‘trying’ means not doing. I’ve allowed negativity and fear to hold me back from reaching my potential. Worst of all, I’ve put up with periods of depression in much the same way as I once accepted alcoholism.

I’ve been cheating myself out of the life I deserve but no more – it is time for a brand new chapter in my life.

Hitting this new rock bottom has inspired me to take massive action to change my relationshihp with the universe. I am prepared to do whatever it takes to get things to where I want them to be. I’m done with trying and I’m done with excuses. I’m getting up off my arse and taking what I want from life – even if it kills me.

Join Me at Brand New Chapter

Paulgarrigan.com will carry on as always – I will continue to cover a wide range of topics on here, and that’s not going to change. Brandnewchapter.com is going to be completely devoted to radical self-improvement.

I want this branndnewchapter.com to inspire people to embrace massive positive action. This is not an ego thing for me. It is part of a larger project to continue the radical transformation in my own life. I’m going to work hard to provide quality content because I plan for this information to benefit me most of all.

Click Here to Join Me on Brand New Chapter

Stop Trying to Quit Drinking Alcohol

In this video and podcast I discuss why trying to give up alcohol is a complete waste of time. It is far more effective to just give give it up. Press play to watch the video. You can find the podcast of this episode below:

Press play to listen to the podcast:

Learning to Accept Compliments – Because I Need Them

I tend to feel uncomfortable when people compliment me. It’s not so much that I’m cynical about the motives of the other person (I am sometimes) – it is more to do with not seeing much value in these words.

Watch Your Big Head

Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but I fear becoming too ‘full of myself’. I found out at a young age to use self-deprecating humor to gain acceptance from my peers – the ‘love me, love me, I’m stupid’ approach. I’ve had no trouble in ignoring other social conventions, but I managed to hold onto this taboo against developing a ‘big head’.

When people compliment me, my usual response is to quickly change the subject. I don’t really get anything from these words. It is much easier to get my attention with criticisms – I can really get my teeth stuck into those.

Not Celebrating My Successes

My inability to accept compliments is closely related to my reluctance to celebrate my successes. As soon as I achieve something, I almost immediately become obsessed with achieving something else. I don’t stop to savor my victory.

It turns out that my aversion to celebrating my achievements and accepting compliments has been costing me heavily. I didn’t realize that both of these events offer the opportunity to charge-up my motivation. Savoring compliments doesn’t mean I’ve developed a ‘big head’ –it’s about accepting a type of nourishment I desperately need to succeed in the future.

I’m Now Accepting Compliments

In future I’m going to take all compliments in good grace.The don’t even need to be sincere – so long as they are believable. From here on in I’m going to be taking as much as I can from this life, so I need to be constantly replenishing my motivation.