Paul Garrigan's Blog, page 23

You are an Alcoholic Because You Hate Yourself

In this video/podcast I discuss how we can be our own worst enemies. It can be almost impossible to break free of addiction until we stop hating ourselves. Press play to watch the video. The podcast edition of this episode is below.

Press play to listen to the podcast:

Self Obsession is the Source of Misery in Addiction and Recovery

In this video and podcast I discuss how self-obsession led me into addiction, kept me drunk for years, and how it can continue to make me miserable in my new life. You will find the podcast of this episode below the video:

Press play to listen to the podcast of this episode:

I’m So Bored with Thai Politics

I hate politics – it’s almost as boring as football. I view politicians as a necessary evil, and I treat anyone with a plan for saving humanity as highly dangerous. If people put half as much effort into sorting out their own life as they did into obsessing about politics… well, I bet we’d be much better off.

When I’m forced to think about politics, my mind always drifts to the movie ‘Moon over Parador’. In this 1988 comedy, the dictator decides to allow ‘free and fair’ elections. He creates two political parties – white and blue – and lets everyone vote for their favorite – but he is the leader of both of these parties. This is what always happens in elections, you still end up with career politicians running the show no matter who you vote for.

I’m sure that those people who get obsessed with politics actually believe that their side is going to improve the world. It doesn’t happen because we always get the politicians we deserve. If we want to improve our world, we have to improve ourselves first of all. Trying to fix a country by changing the politicians is like trying to fix a crumbling house by sticking a new chimney on the roof.

You Might Need to be an Alcoholic So Stop Fighting It

I go to war against myself on a regular basis. You would think that I’d know better because I’ve never managed to win one of these encounters – how can I possibly win when the other side knows all of my weaknesses? The only way I can be victorious is to stop viewing myself as the enemy – this is how I stopped being an alcoholic.

War and Peace with the Inner Drunk

I once believed my alcoholism was due to a disease – this helped to explain why a part of my own mind seemed to be working against me. The AA people told me that my only hope was to arrange a ‘one-day-at-time’ peace treaty with my inner demon.

I unquestionably adopted the disease theory to explain my enthusiasm for alcoholism for a long time, and I did manage to have periods of relative peace. I once managed to stay sober for a full two years but for most of this time it felt like I was walking on eggshells. It is hard to completely relax when you believe there is a demon inside you called alcoholism just waiting for a chance to destroy you.

When I wasn’t trying to broker a peace treaty with my inner-alcoholic, I would be out there on the battlefield. I tried every possible tactic to bring this demon under control. I’d sometimes manage to go weeks where I’d act like a social drinker, but these victories on the battlefield were always short-lived.

At the end of my drinking, I felt completely hopeless. I knew there was no way that I’d ever be able to beat this inner-demon – in fact, my opponent was seemed to be getting stronger. The idea of another peace treaty didn’t sound so appealing either – I’d had enough of being afraid of myself.

Why I Needed to be a Drunk

I managed to stop being an alcoholic when I realized there was no demon inside trying to get me. It turns out that it was all one huge embarrassing misunderstanding. My inner-alcoholic was really just an inept friend and not any type of monster. The poor guy had been trying to help me for years, but I’d been too busy fighting him or hiding from him to consider his motives.

My alcoholism served a function – it provided me with a cushion against the ups and downs of life. As a teenager I felt completely overwhelmed by my emotions but alcohol helped me cope. Maybe I would have committed suicide or ended up in a locked psychiatric ward without it.

The driving force behind my addiction was the need to feel safe and comforted. These are two of the most important human needs, so it is hardly surprising that part of my mind felt protective over something that had seemed to help me so much.

I tried to rationalize with this part of my thinking, but it could never work – if it did, none of us would have any bad habits. This is because this part of my mind doesn’t deal in words – it only cares about experience. Alcohol had helped me to cope in the beginning, and this is why my inner friend continued to promote it.

How I Stopped Being a Drunk

I gave up fighting alcoholism and instead befriended it. I discovered what was driving the behavior, and this made it possible to negotiate a permanent peace. I demonstrated to that part of my mind that it could have the safety and comfort it yearned for by choosing a different type of life. My words alone weren’t good enough – I had to show this part of my mind what was possible.

The part of my mind that drove my alcoholism wasn’t being unreasonable. I had needs that were not being met, and it was doing the best it could. Once I found an alternative way to meet these needs, alcoholism no longer felt necessary. Staying sober became easy, and I’ve never struggled since.

Going to war against myself is just a waste of time. If there is a behavior I want to change, I need to understand the reason it exists in the first place. It is always going to be due to some inner need that is not being properly dealt with.



How to Stop Needing to Be an Alcoholic

• Stop seeing alcoholism as the enemy

• Figure out how being an alcoholic is benefiting you

• Once you have found the need this behavior is serving, find a better way of better serving it

Sometimes Life in Recovery Can be Shitty Too

Walking away from alcoholism was the best decision I ever made – it’s just a pity it took me so long to realize it was a decision I could make. My life has improved so much since I began showing up sober, but there have also been some incredibly hard times as well. In this video and podcast, I discuss how sometimes life in recovery can be shitty too.

Press play to listen to the podcast:

Result of Ten Weeks of 5:2 Intermittent Fasting

I’ve just completed 10-weeks of 5:2 intermittent fasting – this means I managed to skip food for twenty days out of the last seventy. I attempted the same challenge last year but gave up after seven weeks, so it felt important to go all the way this time.

So What Did All This Fasting Achieve?

My last 24-hour fasting period ended on Friday. I didn’t weigh myself at all during the 10-weeks because I became discouraged during my last attempt due to my weight stabilizing about half-way through. I was sort of expecting to lose about 4 or maybe even 5 kg this time, so I felt a tiny bit disappointed to only lose 2.8 kg (about 6.2 pounds).

This means that altogether I’ve lost 9kg (almost 20 pounds) since August. I expect my weight shot up at least 1 kg in the week following the juice fast, so I probably did lose almost 4 kg due to intermittent fasting – which really isn’t bad at all. My current weight is 79.4kg and ideally I’d like to get this below 75 kg (165 pounds).

One of my main motives for all this fasting has been to stop grazing on food . The main reason my weight has become an issue in recent years is my habit of eating when I’m not hungry – I just stuff things in my mouth automatically. This period of fasting has shown me how it is possible to enjoy the feeling of hunger, and to be more selective about when I eat.

I didn’t enjoy the same sense of achievement at reaching the end of this ten weeks of 5:2 fasting as I got with 15 days of juice fasting. This is because the positive effects of fasting twice a week are less obvious. It is also much easier for me to go 24-hours without food than it is to go 15 days with only juice – maybe if I hadn’t done the juice fast first, it would have felt like more of an achievement.

What Now?

I was considering continuing with 5:2 intermittent fasting indefinitely, but I’ve had a change of heart. I’m now going to experiment with 16:8 fasting – this means I’m only going to eat between midday and 8:00pm every day. I’ll continue with this fast until the end of the year to see if I can lose a bit more weight.

How to Turn Your Dreams of Moving to Thailand into a Reality

Millions of People Dream of Living in Thailand

A guy in at a bar on Koh Chang once told me that at least fifty percent of visitors to Thailand dream about being able to return as a full-time resident. This person obviously pulled this statistic out of his arse, but it does kind of ring true. You only have to look at the unhappy faces in Suvarnabhumi Airport departure lounge to see that many tourists feel desperate to stay.

Why Do Some People Only Dream of Moving to Thailand

Only a tiny minority of those who dream about moving to Thailand are going to turn this into a reality. Here are the most common reasons people never get beyond the dreaming stage:

• For a lot of these people, the idea of moving to Thailand is just a whim – a symptom of post-holiday blues. They are mostly happy to return to their normal life, and they look back upon their sudden desire to move sticks to the ‘Land of Smiles’ as a kind of brain-fart.

• There are lots of dreamers who are waiting for the right time to move to Thailand. They fail to realize that there is never going to be a perfect time – there will always be another excuse to delay.

• The majority of people choose financial security above their own happiness. This means they are unlikely to ever do anything drastic like quit their job to start again in an unfamiliar country. The sad reality for these people is that their sense of security is often only an illusion – they can play it safe and still end up struggling.

• In some cases it just won’t be practical for the person to move to Thailand. The sacrifices they would need to make in order to turn this dream into a reality involve too high a cost for them.

Giving Advice to People Who Dream of Moving to Thailand

I regularly receive emails from people who are eager to move to Thailand. I used to work as a teacher here, so these exchanges usually involve advice on how to gain access to this profession. I do try to be as helpful as possible, but it is difficult to get the balance right between being realistic and not trampling on people’s dreams. My knowledge about teaching in Thailand is a bit out-of-date, so I tend to recommend resources like ajarn.com.

I honestly believe that if somebody is motivated enough, they are going to be able to make a life in Thailand. The problem is lots of these dreamers have half-backed plans that sound likely to end in disaster. I feel particularly pessimistic when people tell me they want to move to Thailand to escape their ‘shitty life’ – I know from experience that we tend to take our shitty life with us.

I think it is a mistake to sacrifice too much now just to be able to live in Thailand at some point in the future. I’ve had guys tell me how they put in incredibly long hours at jobs they hate for years just so they can save up enough money for the move. It sometimes sounds as if these people don’t have any type of real life – all they do is work and dream about moving to Thailand. This is a real shame – as John Lennon once said, “life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”.

How to do More Than Just Dream of Moving to Thailand

Here are my suggestions for turning the dream of moving to Thailand into a reality:

• Create a definite deadline for moving to Thailand – don’t wait for the right time because it is unlikely to ever come.

• Do your homework and find out as much as you can about the expat life in this part of the world – online forums can be a good source for the latest information.

• Don’t view Thailand as a solution to your problems – sort your life out before you make the move.

• If you want to teach English in Thailand, it is best to always try to do things as legitimately as possible. You may be able to pick up some teaching work without qualifications, but your options are going to be very limited.

• It may sound boring, but it is a good idea to carefully plan your move to Thailand.

• The goal of moving country can be intimidating, so it may be best to break it down into smaller goals – e.g. you could focus on savings or getting qualifications for teaching first of all.

• Sometimes we have to change paths in order to reach a goal. Don’t become so attached to a plan that you continue with it even though it is leading you to failure.

• Do ask advice from expats and be open to what they have to say – this doesn’t mean that you have to believe their every word.

• Learn the Thai language before you come and get involved in Thai cultural events in your home country.

Treating Alcoholism Like a Disease Leads to Learned Helplessness

In this video/podcast I discuss how the disease theory of alcoholism turned me into a powerless victim. This view of addiction continues to be heavily promoted. Those of us who resist the theory can be made to feel guilty with the help of some circular reasoning – i.e. one of the symptoms of alcoholism is the belief you don’t have the disease.

Press play to watch the video. The podcast version of this episode can be found below.

Press play to listen to the podcast:

Are Parents Being Blackmailed by Thai Teachers?

My reluctance to send my son to for extra classes outside of normal school hours may mean he ends up with lower grades and receives less attention from his teacher. This has nothing to do with his intelligence or level of knowledge – it is all financially driven. It feels like blackmail, and I kind of resent it because of the implications it could have for my son’s future.

Rian Piset is Another Name for Blackmail

They call these extra classes rian piset (เรียนพิเศษ) or ‘special learning’ here in Thailand. At the end of the normal school day, the teachers charge money for students to stay on for extra tuition. These classes are also available on Saturdays. If children want to do well in school, they are expected to attend these extra classes.

I remember feeling shocked the first time a Thai teacher told me that she always gave higher marks to her rian piset students. I didn’t have my own child back then, but it still seemed incredibly unfair. She didn’t seem to comprehend my concern. This teacher patiently explained that it would be unfair to the students who attended the extra classes to be given lower marks than the students who didn’t pay for this extra tuition.

During my teaching career I got to occasionally facilitate these rian piset classes – always because the regular teacher was off sick. The instructions were usually to just tell the kids to do their homework, and if they got noisy to give them some worksheets. Maybe these were the exception to the rule, but there didn’t seem to be much in way of special learning going on.

My Reasons for Not Wanting to Pay for Extra Classes for My Son

I don’t care about the money, but I don’t want to send my son to any extra classes. He is only six years old, and he already spends eight hours in school as it is. If his teacher can’t fit in enough material during this time, it isn’t saying very much for the quality of lessons.

I’d be more willing to consider sending my son to extra classes if I believed it would actually benefit him. I don’t believe it would. I’ve purchased text books for his age level from Ireland, and I’m using these to help him develop his English skills – I believe this is going to help him more than any rian piset class.

It bugs the shit out of me to think that despite all the effort my wife and I make to help my son to learn while he is at home, he is still likely to end up with lower grades because we are not handing over sufficient blackmail money.

I dislike the way my son’s teacher makes him feel different because he doesn’t attend the special class. When I picked him up from school today, his teacher had told him to talk me into to sending him for extra tuition tomorrow (Saturday). I said “no way”. I worry about his future, and I suppose eventually I’ll need to cave into the blackmail – just like the Thai parents who want their kids to get good grades.

I understand that Thai teachers need to make some extra money, but I think it is wrong for them to be able to recruit students from the schools where they teach. The system is too ripe for abuse, and it is completely unfair.

There are Some Wonderful Foreign Teachers in Thailand

Foreign teachers in Thailand often don’t get the respect they deserve. They are looked upon with suspicion by fellow ex-pats and as a necessary evil by many Thais. I posted on here before about the ‘terrible foreign teachers in Thailand‘ – these negative stereotypes do exist, but they grab more attention than they deserve.

It’s unfair to allow the antics of a highly-visible minority of expat teachers to tarnish the reputation of the rest. There are plenty of wonderful foreign teachers in Thailand. I’m talking about professionals who genuinely care about their students and regularly work extra unpaid hours so they can provide higher quality lessons.

The Wonderful Teachers I Have Met in Thailand

In my post on the ‘terrible teachers in Thailand’, I divided this group into different categories – for the sake of convenience, I’m going to do the same here. These descriptions are based on real people and include:

The Late Bloomer

Some of the best foreign teachers I’ve met in Thailand would fall into the category of late bloomers. These are people who began their teaching career late in life. Their initial reason for choosing the profession may have just been the desire to live in Thailand, but it turns out they have a natural talent for the job. They develop such a passion for this new career that they are able to put in the effort to catch up (and often surpass) the traditionally trained teacher.

The late bloomer can often offer more to their students than the teacher who entered the profession straight after university. These older teachers have experience of working in different industries, and they are also going to have plenty of life experience.

Traditionally Trained Teachers

It isn’t only the international schools that get to benefit from experienced teachers trained in the west. I’ve met a few of these highly-qualified people working in government schools. These are often teachers who have reached retirement age, but they want to continue putting their knowledge and skills to good use. They are willing to accept low-paying jobs in Thailand because they see it as a way to contribute to their adopted home – it is also a way for them to continue working a profession they love.

Fun-Loving but Dedicated Teachers

Just because teachers come to Thailand primarily to have fun, doesn’t prevent them from having a positive impact on students. Some of the worst teachers I’ve met did belong to this fun-loving group, but there were also some real diamonds. These were usually young guys, fresh out of university, who only intended to spend a year or two in the Land of Smiles. They took the job seriously, and left the partying to their days off. Their enthusiasm and willingness to make things interesting for students meant they were able to create innovative and powerful lesson plans – they could inspire other teachers to ‘up their game’.

Super-Enthusiastic Teachers

It is common for people to become a bit cynical and jaded after they have been teaching in Thailand a year or two. This decline in motivation doesn’t happen with everyone – there are some foreign teachers who somehow manage to remain super-enthusiast year after year. They also manage to somehow stay aloof of staffroom politics – this means they are popular with other teachers as well as their students.

There really are some wonderful foreign teachers in Thailand. These dedicated people have made a positive contribution to the future of the country. Teaching is a noble profession – those individuals who take on this role shouldn’t be judged negatively just because they choose to work in Thailand.