Mette Ivie Harrison's Blog, page 91
May 24, 2011
#7 TV show female character--Brenda Lee Johnson from The Closer
I think Brenda may be my favorite female TV character EVER! In addition, I think the writing for The Closer is the best on TV. I can't remember an episode where I went--huh? Or thought that this one was the stinker for the season. And there are some episodes that are just so good that I can watch them over and over again. I love the one where Brenda's teenager cousin comes to visit. And the one where Fritz tells Brenda about being an alcoholic. Fritz was one of those characters that had to grow on me. All of the characters have had to grow on me, really. But I love them all. Love the episode with the ties. OK, enough gush.
Brenda is a brilliant character because she takes all of those stereotypes about ditzy, absent-minded, nicey-nice women and turns them upside down. Because Brenda is absent-minded at times. She has a terrible sweet tooth. She is going through menopause and gets cranky about that. She had slept with her boss. She turns on that Southern charm of hers and she makes every single person she is investigating think that she is a pushover.
And then there is that moment when her eyes go hard and her voice gets tight. The moment when you realize that she isn't a pushover at all. Or at least she's not when she is doing her job. If you're a cute little kitty, she will take you in and feed you until you die of bad food. But she will never let a criminal get away.
At the same time, when Brenda "closes" a case because she gets a confession, she doesn't really lie. I mean, yes, she tells some untruths. But essentially, she is fair. She truly does give the person confessing a better deal than if they hadn't confessed. Which really makes me think, and I like shows that make me think. Is this show about truth being the best thing for everyone, even for criminals? Is it about the fact that there isn't such a deep line between criminals and good people? Is it about the fact that Brenda understands people so well because she is so flawed herself?
My husband watches this show regularly, too. He and I actually don't love a lot of the same shows because I tend to want a strong character element and he likes the more episodic plot-heavy stories. Also he likes more humor, but what can I say? I think when I write I often try to aim at drawing in both the plot-driven readers and the character-hungry ones. Also, I try to have something to say without hitting the audience over the head with a hammer. So I watch this show and try to learn all its tricks. And steal them, of course.
Also, I want some of Brenda's bags. She has great, enormous bags. I love them all. And her glasses.
A woman recently boasted (or so it sounded) to me that she had no time to watch TV. She said she didn't understand how anyone had time to do so. Her life was so busy, busy, busy. Well, I guess I make time for TV. And for reading books and lots of other stuff she thinks doesn't matter. I think painting my house and vacuuming don't matter. And I think Brenda generally agrees with me, so that's another reason I like her. She justifies my lifestyle.
Brenda is a brilliant character because she takes all of those stereotypes about ditzy, absent-minded, nicey-nice women and turns them upside down. Because Brenda is absent-minded at times. She has a terrible sweet tooth. She is going through menopause and gets cranky about that. She had slept with her boss. She turns on that Southern charm of hers and she makes every single person she is investigating think that she is a pushover.
And then there is that moment when her eyes go hard and her voice gets tight. The moment when you realize that she isn't a pushover at all. Or at least she's not when she is doing her job. If you're a cute little kitty, she will take you in and feed you until you die of bad food. But she will never let a criminal get away.
At the same time, when Brenda "closes" a case because she gets a confession, she doesn't really lie. I mean, yes, she tells some untruths. But essentially, she is fair. She truly does give the person confessing a better deal than if they hadn't confessed. Which really makes me think, and I like shows that make me think. Is this show about truth being the best thing for everyone, even for criminals? Is it about the fact that there isn't such a deep line between criminals and good people? Is it about the fact that Brenda understands people so well because she is so flawed herself?
My husband watches this show regularly, too. He and I actually don't love a lot of the same shows because I tend to want a strong character element and he likes the more episodic plot-heavy stories. Also he likes more humor, but what can I say? I think when I write I often try to aim at drawing in both the plot-driven readers and the character-hungry ones. Also, I try to have something to say without hitting the audience over the head with a hammer. So I watch this show and try to learn all its tricks. And steal them, of course.
Also, I want some of Brenda's bags. She has great, enormous bags. I love them all. And her glasses.
A woman recently boasted (or so it sounded) to me that she had no time to watch TV. She said she didn't understand how anyone had time to do so. Her life was so busy, busy, busy. Well, I guess I make time for TV. And for reading books and lots of other stuff she thinks doesn't matter. I think painting my house and vacuuming don't matter. And I think Brenda generally agrees with me, so that's another reason I like her. She justifies my lifestyle.
May 20, 2011
#6 TV show female character--Cuddy from House
OK, Cameron? In love with house in that first season? And then she falls in love with Chase? Not my model of a strong female character. She's interesting, but I'm not sad she is off the show.
Cuddy, on the other hand, is very interesting. She is hot, but she's also not a bimbo. She's a woman of a reasonable age who does well a very important job. I honestly did not see her and House together the first few seasons of the show. Yeah, House flirted with her, but he flirted with everyone. She was the only character who seemed to ever have any chance of making House do the right thing.
And then he started having fantasies of her, and he went into rehab. And this season, she fell for him. Or they tried to make us believe she always had a thing for him. But of course, he messed it up again, because TV shows are about characters staying the same while movies are about characters changing (I heard that on one of the House extras on the first season DVDs by Hugh Laurie). I like Cuddy's multidimensional character. I liked Candice Bergen as her mother (a lot!) and I liked the problem of her having to deal with House as a boyfriend.
But . . .
I still think House remains a show about a man. Why? In part because I think the position Cuddy fills in the overarching storyline of the whole show is that of prize. She is what House wins by being good, by giving up his addiction. She is also what he loses when he goes back to his addiction and can't be good enough for her.
Also, I think that the camera is House's eye. It's a very male camera view, always showing us her boobs and her ass because that is what House sees. Of course, not every show has to be about women, but I think it's a mistake to think that House is, in fact, about women. How often do we see the women talking to each other? Almost never.
I also feel that Cuddy reacts to House. House is the one who moves the plots forward. He is like Darth Vader. No one likes him, really, but we can't turn away from him because he is just so fascinating. But what woman wants to be Darth Vader's wife? Not a good position to be in, in terms of wanting a long life. Or a happy one.
House is in many ways a retelling of Sherlock Holmes, which is another male story. It's about House and Wilson (instead of Holmes and Watson). It's about the mysteries they solve, and about House's brilliance and his destructive behaviors personally that seem to be connected to his brilliance. Sometimes I think Cuddy is just a way for the producers of the show to convince us that House isn't gay. If it was just House and Wilson, would we wonder?
A part of me would like to see Cuddy leave the show, for her own sake (as if she were a real person, this is what I want for her.) But how does that help television, for her strong presence to be gone? I think I very much don't want to see her and House back together again next season.
Cuddy, on the other hand, is very interesting. She is hot, but she's also not a bimbo. She's a woman of a reasonable age who does well a very important job. I honestly did not see her and House together the first few seasons of the show. Yeah, House flirted with her, but he flirted with everyone. She was the only character who seemed to ever have any chance of making House do the right thing.
And then he started having fantasies of her, and he went into rehab. And this season, she fell for him. Or they tried to make us believe she always had a thing for him. But of course, he messed it up again, because TV shows are about characters staying the same while movies are about characters changing (I heard that on one of the House extras on the first season DVDs by Hugh Laurie). I like Cuddy's multidimensional character. I liked Candice Bergen as her mother (a lot!) and I liked the problem of her having to deal with House as a boyfriend.
But . . .
I still think House remains a show about a man. Why? In part because I think the position Cuddy fills in the overarching storyline of the whole show is that of prize. She is what House wins by being good, by giving up his addiction. She is also what he loses when he goes back to his addiction and can't be good enough for her.
Also, I think that the camera is House's eye. It's a very male camera view, always showing us her boobs and her ass because that is what House sees. Of course, not every show has to be about women, but I think it's a mistake to think that House is, in fact, about women. How often do we see the women talking to each other? Almost never.
I also feel that Cuddy reacts to House. House is the one who moves the plots forward. He is like Darth Vader. No one likes him, really, but we can't turn away from him because he is just so fascinating. But what woman wants to be Darth Vader's wife? Not a good position to be in, in terms of wanting a long life. Or a happy one.
House is in many ways a retelling of Sherlock Holmes, which is another male story. It's about House and Wilson (instead of Holmes and Watson). It's about the mysteries they solve, and about House's brilliance and his destructive behaviors personally that seem to be connected to his brilliance. Sometimes I think Cuddy is just a way for the producers of the show to convince us that House isn't gay. If it was just House and Wilson, would we wonder?
A part of me would like to see Cuddy leave the show, for her own sake (as if she were a real person, this is what I want for her.) But how does that help television, for her strong presence to be gone? I think I very much don't want to see her and House back together again next season.
May 18, 2011
#5 TV show female characters--Margaret from MASH
I remember "Hot Lips" in the early years of the show, and I cringe a little to think of the way that the doctors (and the camera) seemed to view women. A chance to peep at hot bodies in the shower, a reason to cheat on your wife too far away, and weepy, irrational, on and on. All the stereotypical worst aspects of femininity.
And then the show grew up and so did Hot Lips. She became the strong leader of women. She wasn't less hot, but there was less attention to her body and more attention to her smart mind, her leadership skills and her vulnerability. I do sometimes wonder if the show became less funny as the characters were allowed to grow dimensions. Maybe it did. If so, I am glad it did. I don't care much for humor that makes fun of people. It's one of the reasons that I still find it difficult to watch any of the sitcoms on television. (And also, I am humor impaired.)
I love that Houlihan cried without seeming to be an idiot.
I love that she was pretty without being a sex object.
I love that she yelled at the boys when they were jerks, and that she was right.
I love that she didn't have to get married in order to be important in her own eyes.
I love that she seemed true to her own time period, though also a cross over to ours.
I love that she both toughened up the other women and comforted them when they needed it.
I love that she made mistakes, but they were the kind of mistakes that turned out to be important.
And then the show grew up and so did Hot Lips. She became the strong leader of women. She wasn't less hot, but there was less attention to her body and more attention to her smart mind, her leadership skills and her vulnerability. I do sometimes wonder if the show became less funny as the characters were allowed to grow dimensions. Maybe it did. If so, I am glad it did. I don't care much for humor that makes fun of people. It's one of the reasons that I still find it difficult to watch any of the sitcoms on television. (And also, I am humor impaired.)
I love that Houlihan cried without seeming to be an idiot.
I love that she was pretty without being a sex object.
I love that she yelled at the boys when they were jerks, and that she was right.
I love that she didn't have to get married in order to be important in her own eyes.
I love that she seemed true to her own time period, though also a cross over to ours.
I love that she both toughened up the other women and comforted them when they needed it.
I love that she made mistakes, but they were the kind of mistakes that turned out to be important.
May 10, 2011
#4 TV show female characters--Samantha from Bewitched
I loved Bewitched as a kid and it only occurred to me yesterday as I was working through final pages for Tris and Izzie how much Samantha as a character has affected my vision of powerful women and magic. I don't want to give away too much of the book, so I'll limit my remarks to the show itself. Realize that I grew up in a family of eleven children with a very traditional, conservative mother/father team. My dad worked outside the home. My mom was home with the kids. Mom cooked and cleaned. Dad did the yard work and fixed the cars. On the one hand, my dad encouraged both sons and daughters to excel at school. He gave us chores early on that were gender neutral. I mowed the lawn and Dad would certainly have been happy to teach me about car maintenance, but I tended to beg off, thinking that helping Mom with dinner was easier work.
I have a specific memory of my dad asking me when my brother and I came home from high school one day, what my score was on the German test we had both taken. He asked my brother, too, and teased my brother about letting his little sister beat him. I'm not sure that competition like that is a great parenting strategy, but my dad did give me the sense that just because I was a girl, that didn't excuse me from any aspirations. I was the one who ended up getting the PhD of all the kids and he was behind me all the way. If anything, my parents thought I got married too young.
That said, I did still think of my job as a mother to be with my little kids. This is where Bewitched comes in, because I think that for all the complaints that Samantha is so home bound and married to a guy who wants to squelch her powers, she is also a great role model for women who want to be traditional moms and have a career aspiration at the same time. Samantha had all this time during the day when Daren wasn't around to see what she was doing. She had her magic to keep the house clean and take care of the kids, so she wasn't bound to mundane tasks. In a way, she is the woman of today, who has all these machines to take care of everyday tasks like dishes. And what did she do with her extra time? Well, she didn't spend it at the salon or shopping for clothes. She did important things. She saved the world with her magic. And there was this sense that it was all in a day's work for her. She dusted off her hands and then got ready to go back to her regular, real life with Daren.
Yes, she has to hide what she is doing. I don't like that part. I don't like women having to hide their talents or strengths. That is very dated today. But in other ways, I think the show and the character were very forward looking. I think that I also steal some of the same devices. The time period of the show wasn't ready for women who had jobs, so instead Samantha has a "magical job." So it's not real, but it is real. It's a metaphor, but the real disguise is the disguise Samantha is showing to the audience who is being taught something they weren't ready to hear directly yet, on the sly.
When I hear people complain about Harry Potter or other fantasy being about witchcraft or Satan worship, it makes me laugh. They are not reading well enough to see the real subversive message in books like Harry Potter. The real messages there are about how useless adults are, how the government messes up and how you have to go around the system. It's all about politics and world unity. Does Rowling actually have to say that Dumbledore is gay for the careful reader to see what is going on? I guess she does. Isn't the "pure blood" message of the book clearly about race and the Nazis? I'm going afield from Bewitched now, but I think people misread the show.
Now, I Dream of Jeanie--I actually am not as sympathetic there. Her magic seems to be used only for slave-like service or stupidity. Bewitched was the real show for the smart girls.
I have a specific memory of my dad asking me when my brother and I came home from high school one day, what my score was on the German test we had both taken. He asked my brother, too, and teased my brother about letting his little sister beat him. I'm not sure that competition like that is a great parenting strategy, but my dad did give me the sense that just because I was a girl, that didn't excuse me from any aspirations. I was the one who ended up getting the PhD of all the kids and he was behind me all the way. If anything, my parents thought I got married too young.
That said, I did still think of my job as a mother to be with my little kids. This is where Bewitched comes in, because I think that for all the complaints that Samantha is so home bound and married to a guy who wants to squelch her powers, she is also a great role model for women who want to be traditional moms and have a career aspiration at the same time. Samantha had all this time during the day when Daren wasn't around to see what she was doing. She had her magic to keep the house clean and take care of the kids, so she wasn't bound to mundane tasks. In a way, she is the woman of today, who has all these machines to take care of everyday tasks like dishes. And what did she do with her extra time? Well, she didn't spend it at the salon or shopping for clothes. She did important things. She saved the world with her magic. And there was this sense that it was all in a day's work for her. She dusted off her hands and then got ready to go back to her regular, real life with Daren.
Yes, she has to hide what she is doing. I don't like that part. I don't like women having to hide their talents or strengths. That is very dated today. But in other ways, I think the show and the character were very forward looking. I think that I also steal some of the same devices. The time period of the show wasn't ready for women who had jobs, so instead Samantha has a "magical job." So it's not real, but it is real. It's a metaphor, but the real disguise is the disguise Samantha is showing to the audience who is being taught something they weren't ready to hear directly yet, on the sly.
When I hear people complain about Harry Potter or other fantasy being about witchcraft or Satan worship, it makes me laugh. They are not reading well enough to see the real subversive message in books like Harry Potter. The real messages there are about how useless adults are, how the government messes up and how you have to go around the system. It's all about politics and world unity. Does Rowling actually have to say that Dumbledore is gay for the careful reader to see what is going on? I guess she does. Isn't the "pure blood" message of the book clearly about race and the Nazis? I'm going afield from Bewitched now, but I think people misread the show.
Now, I Dream of Jeanie--I actually am not as sympathetic there. Her magic seems to be used only for slave-like service or stupidity. Bewitched was the real show for the smart girls.
May 9, 2011
Ironman St. George 2011 race report--long
This was my third Ironman. I had one goal. To run, however slow and shuffling, through the entire marathon. I did not meet this goal. Trying to meet this goal ended up being counterproductive. However, I did learn some important stuff that will be useful in the future. One of the things I learned is that sometimes it is faster to walk than to run. Doesn't sound right, does it?
Ironman actually starts a few days before the race. Two days before, you have to show up to register and get bodymarked. You show your ID to make sure you are really you. Yes, sadly, there are really people who would hire someone to take their place and get them a better time, even in amateur racing. The day before the race, you have to take your bike to T1, which is where the swim gets out and you hop onto the bike. Sometimes this is the same place as T2, where you get off the bike and start the run. In this case, it wasn't. It was about 25 miles away from T2 and the race finish, which were in the city center. The reservoir where we swam wasn't where you can get crowds to come out to whoop it up for the end, so that's the way it works.
You also have to drop off your run gear so that you have running shoes to change into after your bike is finished. And whatever else you want. There are also bags called "special needs" bags that are dropped off at this time, for things you want halfway through the bike or run. I never have used these, but people put in new socks or shoes so they have something dry and fresh. Also, food that they look forward to while working hard, a prize of sorts, or simply the food they are used to that isn't offered on the course. They have lots of Ironman "Perform" which is like Gatorade, but tasted horribly salty to me, and lots of sugar-snot (aka Hammer gel) in raspberry and chocolate (yuck!), as well as bananas. You can have as many of those as you want, but there's nothing else on offer and you get pretty sick of those flavors, which is dangerous, because you have to keep eating.
On the day before the race, I went out for about 12 miles on my bike on the course because it was only the second chance I'd had on my bike all year and it was the first chance since the bike shop had tinkered with it. I wanted to make sure everything was working, yes, even at the cost of wearing myself out a bit. I didn't go hard, just slow and steady. There were hundreds of athletes out doing the same thing. A bunch also got in the water at the reservoir, but I didn't. I did swim in the lap pool by our condo, which made me think again about how much I would love to have an endless pool in my house. I love swimming, but it is such a hassle to get to the pool.
The night before the race, my husband and four of my kids came down. They were volunteering at run aid station #11, which was really fun to look forward to. I knew I would see them at least twice (the run course is a double out and back, which means it's really only about 6.5 miles long). I got to eat dinner with them at our favorite Tex-Mex restaurant which we only get to eat at when we come down for Ironman.
Then it was time to go to bed. I took a sleeping pill to help and fell asleep about 10:30, which is pretty good. I woke up about 4:15 when the other people in nearby condos started leaving. I tried to sleep a little more, but gave up and got dressed, grabbed my wetsuit bag and some breakfast food and drove myself down to the buses waiting at the city center. Since we have four kids and a bike and two adults to take home afterwards, we were going to need two cars, so there seemed no reason for anyone else to have to get up.
I got on the bus. It was the quietest bus I have ever been on. The driver tried to get us to talk a couple times. No one did. Really, not a word the whole 30 minute drive up. We were all too nervous. I ate four fig newtons and a banana. I saved my caffeinated gu for 15 minutes before the race. I went to the porta potties twice, then pulled on my wetsuit, zipped it up, put on my hot pink women's swim cap (men had neon green) and my new neoprene socks, for warmth and protection on the rocky beach in and out of the water), pulled on goggles, and got ready to get in the water. This year, I didn't miss the start. The water was about 63, 10 degrees warmer than last year. It was cold at first, but I got used to it fast.
The pros started about 15 minutes before us, but we started right at 7. I took it really easy. Seriously, my heart rate for the total swim was about 129, which is easy. I've made the mistake before of trying to get out with the pack on the swim and I end up feeling panicked. I didn't feel like that this time. I did get whacked around a lot, but I tried to be polite (unlike usual) and stop kicking if I noticed someone behind me, or go around the other way if someone was competing with me for a spot in the water. I will say, I didn't navigate well. We were swimming directly into the sun and there were 2000 other athletes in the water. It was well marked, as such things go, with buoys every 100 meters, but I didn't swim directly between them. About an hour into the swim, I was ready to be done with it. I end up feeling a little sea sick in any swim of that length and very disoriented. I had another 18 minutes to go and I knew my form was starting to suck.
Finally, I got out of the water and ran to a wetsuit stripper who helped me out of my suit. I got into my bike socks and shoes. I didn't change, though they have a tent for that. I had already put sunscreen on before the swim, and I should maybe have put more on, but I don't honestly remember if I did. This is the first sign that the day was a little weird, because normally I am pretty vigilant about the details. This race is a little foggy for me and I don't know why. The heat? I did bring sunscreen with me, which I remembered to reapply several times. Sadly, I forgot that my hands were likely to get burned and I think I went about six hours with sunscreen on them. They hurt a lot now.
I got on my bike and pushed it out of the transition area to the mount line (that sounds interesting, doesn't it)? Just as I was almost under the arch, this guy comes up from behind me, shoves his way around me and almost makes me fall down. He doesn't even apologize. Dude, not cool. I know this is a race and I'm competitive, too. But there's no need to push and shove in transition. Also, is one second going to make a difference? Think about where it counts. Anyway, my soap box. I'm sure I've been equally rude at times. I'm learning.
The first ten miles of the bike there were a couple of dangerous hills and sharp turns. I'm a chicken, so I always go slow. I did see one crash with two bikes involved. This was about three minutes after I saw a guy trying to pass another guy on the left. He was really close to the double yellow line and oncoming traffic (road was closed in one direction only). So he passed within inches of the guy next to me, holding out his hand to ease the guy to the right. I've seen this maneuver in the Tour de France, but never at a triathlon before. The thing is, I'm sure lots of cyclists are good enough that they are not bothered by a little bit of a touch. But triathletes are not cyclists. Yes, we cycle, but we don't do bike races. We don't have the same techniques. I didn't think it was safe and when I saw the crash, I was sure it was this guy and whoever was unlucky enough to be next to him.
The bike was divided into one leg (to the city center) and two loops (around the veyo wall and down the canyon). I was easily hitting 18.5 miles per hour on the leg, but that was the easier and least hilly section (though don't get me wrong, there were plenty of hills). The bike section of the course is truly beautiful. There are some boring sections, but also some spectacular ones. On the back side of the loop, the roads are rather rough and that was where a lot of people had punctures. I had two last year, but this year I was lucky. I was next to a guy when I heard a gunshot like sound and he fell back, his high pressure tire shot. There was a lot of leapfrogging back and forth with other women in my age group. I really struggled to follow the rules of no drafting. It is honestly impossible with so many bikes on so many feet on road, especially at the beginning. Everything moves so quickly, I wasn't always aware of when I'd moved into passing position and had to finish.
Lesson number 1: Don't die. If you go so fast you are in danger of dying, is it worth it? Of course, I have five kids, so I may answer differently than most.
The most incredible section was called "The Veyo Wall" which is a mile straight up the backside of a mountain at 12% incline. I did most of it in my second to lowest gear and was able to stay seated until the last third. Then I stood up. Standing on the bike is a less efficient way to bike, but sometimes it is the only way to keep moving. It has the advantage of using slightly different muscles, so it lets you take a kind of rest, though you pay for it in heart rate. I honestly stood up a lot on this course because I hadn't been on my bike for a while and wanted to make sure I didn't hurt my back in aero position. Going on this hill was like being in the Tour de France. You can look down on the bikers heading up toward you and you can see everyone ahead of you struggling along at about 6 miles an hour. My bike doesn't gear any slower than that, but my husband said he went about 3-4 mph on this section.
At the top, it feels like there should be a band, but there isn't. It's another couple miles before the aid station. Maybe it's just as well, because everyone is so tired at the top, they couldn't hold onto bottles. The bike aid stations are tricky because almost no one stops. The people hold out stuff and you have to grab it one-handed while continuing forward at 15-20 mph. I've never seen anyone crash, but it probably happens. More often, you don't make the pass and have to try again a few yards later. They do ask that you drop garbage at the aid stations and not on the course. This can be hard. I did my best to keep my wrappers in pockets until I could drop them, but that makes you sticky.
I was almost finished with the first bike loop when I got lapped by the lead male. He whizzed by me. Oh, well. I was doing fine with my heart rate. It is really important in Ironman and in life in general to remember to run your own race. There are times when I am aggressive and am motivated by the idea of passing someone ahead of me. But I have to do that only when I know I am within my limits of endurance and heart rate. This is easier as I've gotten used to racing, but you don't want to pass someone in a fit of energy, only to die out a few minutes later. In a really long race, like life itself, it is a lot more important to remember what your own goals are and to keep working at them. If someone passes, good luck to them. I wish them well. I hope they are staying to their own plan.
You can't blow it out in an Ironman. It's even slower than a marathon in terms of pace. You've got to keep it slow enough that you can continue to eat. In a marathon, there is a lot of talk of hitting the wall at mile 18 or 20. This is a physiological phenomenon that happens when you literally run out of muscle glycogen and your body has to start burning fat instead. Fat isn't as efficient and you end up slowing down. Or you learn to take in calories so that you don't run out of your muscle glycogen as fast. And you slow down so you can burn the fat. In an Ironman, if you run out of energy 3 hours in, you are in deep trouble. You've got to eat 250-300 calories every hour on the bike. It doesn't sound like a lot, but it felt to me like I was eating as much as I could. I grabbed everything offered at every aid station and just took it in. You can eat too much, I suppose, and then you puke it all up, but that's also because you're going too fast to digest it.
Lesson number 2: Run your own race. Put on your blinders and let everyone else run theirs. Stick to your own plan.
The last ten miles of the loop are almost all downhill. Last year, I got passed by everyone because they were willing to go 55 miles per hour downhill and I was hitting my brakes. This year, there was a headwind so no one could go all that fast. It was good for me, but there might have been others complaining. I also ended up keeping my heart rate low even on the uphill so the downhill dropped my heart rate even lower. It was below 120 for long sections of the bike, which is really weird for me.
I started the second loop feeling OK. But it got harder as I went along. I had been counting calories per hour because that was part of my plan. I was supposed to take in 2000 calories on the bike. I reached about 750 and my brain wouldn't work anymore. This happens on Ironman races. And on my long 50 mile running races, too. I guess my brain just doesn't have enough energy to process information at my normal rate anymore. It was weird because I would check to see how many miles I had gone, and suddenly all this time had passed and I didn't know where it went. You'd think that would be good, and I suppose it was. But it was also weird and disorienting. I kept taking drinks and gus when offered, but it's all a blur. I think it's partly that when your body is processing pain, it can't do much else. It's overwhelmed with information.
Then I ended up in this passing situation that I hadn't anticipated. A guy was in front of me passing someone and I was going fast enough that I was edging up on him. I didn't want to hit my brakes, but technically I had to pass because I was in the three bike length zone. So I tried to speed up, he pulled a little to the left and I ended up skirting the yellow line. Passing onto the wrong side of the road on a course like this, where traffic is still allowed on that side, is illegal, dangerous, and will get your disqualified if you are caught. So right at this moment, a big SUV with "IRONMAN" painted on it comes by and there's a guy hanging out the window with a camera. He takes a picture and I am sure I've been DQd. He doesn't give me a card for a penalty tent, but I figure that's because they'll tell me when I hit the run that I can't go out on the course. For three hours, I thought my Ironman was over. There was no way to verify it and I didn't really want to admit what I'd done in case I was wrong about being caught on camera. There is a kind of inherent unfairness about the "rules" since everyone (it seemed to me) was breaking them but only a handful of people get caught.
I was a bit slower (about 10 minutes) on the second half of the bike course (which was 46 miles). I noticed that I made it up the wall in about 8 minutes both times, though, which is what, 8mph? I felt good about that, but I maybe pushed it too hard because I felt sick and discouraged for a while on top. I tried to make myself keep taking in gus and gatorade, but nothing tasted good. I finally got onto the no pass section in this tiny city park where there are lots of tight curves. I'm lousy at maneuvering and a woman came up behind me who was annoyed at how slow I was going. Anyway, we chatted briefly and I told her I felt lousy. I was having my period, which started about two hours before, and maybe that was part of my struggle. Not the day you want to be in that situation, but what can you do? I hadn't thought to bring supplies, either.
Lesson number 3: When you are ready to quit, give it a bit and the pain may recede for a while. This is one of the things I've learned doing long endurance races. It comes and goes. If you can hold onto the idea that this pain may go away in a bit, you can keep going. It might not, and you leave the option open that you may quit later.
I did have fun tweeting a bunch of this stuff. I didn't tweet while on the bike, but when I stopped and used a porta potty and no one could see me. Technically, cell phones aren't allowed on the course, probably because they're afraid they will be dangerous and distracting. I tried to be safe, but part of the fun for me was being able to tweet while on the course. I also thought it was great when I was struggling that I could check my mentions on Twitter and people were cheering me on. I hope I was able to share some of the Ironman experience vicariously, and I really appreciate those who were also there, on the sidelines so to speak.
Finally, I got to T2 and changed into running shoes. A woman gave me some tampons to carry with me on the course and I got slathered up with more sunscreen. Sadly, not enough. The volunteers seemed to miss the back of my calves and they started to burn after an hour. I put on more sunscreen because I was carrying that, too, but not soon enough. The temperature hit about95 during the run and in Layton, I hadn't had to deal with anything above 60. Believe me, I wish I had. (We came home and it was raining and cold again, go figure.) I ran the slowest shuffling pace you can imagine. A couple of guys were walking uphill faster than I was running. But I wanted to keep running. I managed about 8 miles.
I will say that the streets were lined on the bottom two miles with people cheering. There were barriers set up to keep the people back from athletes. Some of the people would hold out hands to be slapped as we went along. Some athletes liked this. Others didn't. I was strongly reminded of William and Kate's wedding. Look, if you want to feel like you are a royal or a super star, do an Ironman. They have to keep people from touching you and they're all there, cheering you on like you are the most important person on the planet. It's not real, but it feels good for a while.
My heart rate was about 140 on that first 8 miles almost straight uphill, but I couldn't keep it up. I saw my husband and kids at mile 3 and was doing OK, but by the time they saw me at mile 11, I was walking. I walked for about three miles straight. I wanted to keep running on the downhill because it should have been easy, but I realized that the thoughts in my head of wanting to quit were the signal that I was pushing too hard. I didn't sign up for this race until about four weeks before, and I didn't train that much for it, obviously. So I couldn't push as hard as I have before, and I always struggle in heat and running. It hasn't hit 70 up north here in 6 months.
Anyway, I let myself walk until my heart rate went below 100 and I felt smiley again. My husband and kids were done with their shift at the aid station at 6:00 so they went off to dinner. I told them to bring me back some Cold Stone chocolate ice cream for the finish and I looked forward to that the whole last half of the run course. I ran negative splits, which I have never done before, so I guess I recovered. Also, it started to cool down. I ran half and walked half until the final three miles downhill, and then I was able to find a guy who still cared about running and we hit 8-9 min miles the last bit. There was carnage on the course at that point and anyone still running stood out. You think of Ironman as people going hard all day, and they are, but going hard at that point was just walking. Slowly. Downhill.
Lesson number 4: Sometimes walking is faster than running. By this, I mean that sometimes you get further by taking it easy for a while and then being able to push it harder in between rests. It's not just psychological. My heart rate was actually lower doing it this way.
Last year, I saw a couple of people finishing the run with broken bones. This year, there were a lot of people puking at the side of the road. Several times I saw people lying down curled up in a ball, not moving or responding to the helper next to them. The thing is, in any normal situation, you'd just take that person to the hospital, right? But in an Ironman, you will get cursed out and kicked because the athlete wants to stay on the course. You have to wait for a medical professional to come, check out the person and tell them they are not ALLOWED to continue because they've lost too much weight in water or their blood pressure is nonexistent. I really felt sorry for those people. They pushed harder than I did. They gambled on the chance of not finishing and they lost.
I finished in 13:55, about 40 minutes faster than last year, but I had no bike trouble, so it wasn't exactly a triumph. I mean, every Ironman is an incredible feat of will, and I felt good about how I paced it. At the end, I got to see my kids and husband, who brought me my ice cream, which I tried valiantly to eat. I got through about a quarter of it and the kids finished the rest, along with some deep fried twinkies that looked disgusting. I also picked at some cold cheese pizza and started to shiver. They give you those space blankets, but that's never enough.
It was dark by then, and we headed back to the condo. I drank some chocolate milk and went to bed. I woke up at about midnight starving and ate some mango sticky rice and went back to bed. I don't feel much like eating now, but I have a lot of calories to make up. I figure I burned about 8500 and I ate about 4500 on the day, which was pretty good. A lot of Coke and potato chips (for salt) strangely enough. I actually never eat either of those. Probably why I wanted them, since I was so sick of everything else.
My 14 year old teased me that Ironman was a "disgusting" habit, worse than smoking. It makes me stink and it may kill me (either by skin cancer from too much sun exposure or by crashing on my bike). Not sure he's wrong today. Recovering from an Ironman is harder than doing one for me. There's no more motivation to keep going, no clear indication of "the end." Next year, I think it's my turn for the volunteer aid station and my husband will do the race.
Ironman actually starts a few days before the race. Two days before, you have to show up to register and get bodymarked. You show your ID to make sure you are really you. Yes, sadly, there are really people who would hire someone to take their place and get them a better time, even in amateur racing. The day before the race, you have to take your bike to T1, which is where the swim gets out and you hop onto the bike. Sometimes this is the same place as T2, where you get off the bike and start the run. In this case, it wasn't. It was about 25 miles away from T2 and the race finish, which were in the city center. The reservoir where we swam wasn't where you can get crowds to come out to whoop it up for the end, so that's the way it works.
You also have to drop off your run gear so that you have running shoes to change into after your bike is finished. And whatever else you want. There are also bags called "special needs" bags that are dropped off at this time, for things you want halfway through the bike or run. I never have used these, but people put in new socks or shoes so they have something dry and fresh. Also, food that they look forward to while working hard, a prize of sorts, or simply the food they are used to that isn't offered on the course. They have lots of Ironman "Perform" which is like Gatorade, but tasted horribly salty to me, and lots of sugar-snot (aka Hammer gel) in raspberry and chocolate (yuck!), as well as bananas. You can have as many of those as you want, but there's nothing else on offer and you get pretty sick of those flavors, which is dangerous, because you have to keep eating.
On the day before the race, I went out for about 12 miles on my bike on the course because it was only the second chance I'd had on my bike all year and it was the first chance since the bike shop had tinkered with it. I wanted to make sure everything was working, yes, even at the cost of wearing myself out a bit. I didn't go hard, just slow and steady. There were hundreds of athletes out doing the same thing. A bunch also got in the water at the reservoir, but I didn't. I did swim in the lap pool by our condo, which made me think again about how much I would love to have an endless pool in my house. I love swimming, but it is such a hassle to get to the pool.
The night before the race, my husband and four of my kids came down. They were volunteering at run aid station #11, which was really fun to look forward to. I knew I would see them at least twice (the run course is a double out and back, which means it's really only about 6.5 miles long). I got to eat dinner with them at our favorite Tex-Mex restaurant which we only get to eat at when we come down for Ironman.
Then it was time to go to bed. I took a sleeping pill to help and fell asleep about 10:30, which is pretty good. I woke up about 4:15 when the other people in nearby condos started leaving. I tried to sleep a little more, but gave up and got dressed, grabbed my wetsuit bag and some breakfast food and drove myself down to the buses waiting at the city center. Since we have four kids and a bike and two adults to take home afterwards, we were going to need two cars, so there seemed no reason for anyone else to have to get up.
I got on the bus. It was the quietest bus I have ever been on. The driver tried to get us to talk a couple times. No one did. Really, not a word the whole 30 minute drive up. We were all too nervous. I ate four fig newtons and a banana. I saved my caffeinated gu for 15 minutes before the race. I went to the porta potties twice, then pulled on my wetsuit, zipped it up, put on my hot pink women's swim cap (men had neon green) and my new neoprene socks, for warmth and protection on the rocky beach in and out of the water), pulled on goggles, and got ready to get in the water. This year, I didn't miss the start. The water was about 63, 10 degrees warmer than last year. It was cold at first, but I got used to it fast.
The pros started about 15 minutes before us, but we started right at 7. I took it really easy. Seriously, my heart rate for the total swim was about 129, which is easy. I've made the mistake before of trying to get out with the pack on the swim and I end up feeling panicked. I didn't feel like that this time. I did get whacked around a lot, but I tried to be polite (unlike usual) and stop kicking if I noticed someone behind me, or go around the other way if someone was competing with me for a spot in the water. I will say, I didn't navigate well. We were swimming directly into the sun and there were 2000 other athletes in the water. It was well marked, as such things go, with buoys every 100 meters, but I didn't swim directly between them. About an hour into the swim, I was ready to be done with it. I end up feeling a little sea sick in any swim of that length and very disoriented. I had another 18 minutes to go and I knew my form was starting to suck.
Finally, I got out of the water and ran to a wetsuit stripper who helped me out of my suit. I got into my bike socks and shoes. I didn't change, though they have a tent for that. I had already put sunscreen on before the swim, and I should maybe have put more on, but I don't honestly remember if I did. This is the first sign that the day was a little weird, because normally I am pretty vigilant about the details. This race is a little foggy for me and I don't know why. The heat? I did bring sunscreen with me, which I remembered to reapply several times. Sadly, I forgot that my hands were likely to get burned and I think I went about six hours with sunscreen on them. They hurt a lot now.
I got on my bike and pushed it out of the transition area to the mount line (that sounds interesting, doesn't it)? Just as I was almost under the arch, this guy comes up from behind me, shoves his way around me and almost makes me fall down. He doesn't even apologize. Dude, not cool. I know this is a race and I'm competitive, too. But there's no need to push and shove in transition. Also, is one second going to make a difference? Think about where it counts. Anyway, my soap box. I'm sure I've been equally rude at times. I'm learning.
The first ten miles of the bike there were a couple of dangerous hills and sharp turns. I'm a chicken, so I always go slow. I did see one crash with two bikes involved. This was about three minutes after I saw a guy trying to pass another guy on the left. He was really close to the double yellow line and oncoming traffic (road was closed in one direction only). So he passed within inches of the guy next to me, holding out his hand to ease the guy to the right. I've seen this maneuver in the Tour de France, but never at a triathlon before. The thing is, I'm sure lots of cyclists are good enough that they are not bothered by a little bit of a touch. But triathletes are not cyclists. Yes, we cycle, but we don't do bike races. We don't have the same techniques. I didn't think it was safe and when I saw the crash, I was sure it was this guy and whoever was unlucky enough to be next to him.
The bike was divided into one leg (to the city center) and two loops (around the veyo wall and down the canyon). I was easily hitting 18.5 miles per hour on the leg, but that was the easier and least hilly section (though don't get me wrong, there were plenty of hills). The bike section of the course is truly beautiful. There are some boring sections, but also some spectacular ones. On the back side of the loop, the roads are rather rough and that was where a lot of people had punctures. I had two last year, but this year I was lucky. I was next to a guy when I heard a gunshot like sound and he fell back, his high pressure tire shot. There was a lot of leapfrogging back and forth with other women in my age group. I really struggled to follow the rules of no drafting. It is honestly impossible with so many bikes on so many feet on road, especially at the beginning. Everything moves so quickly, I wasn't always aware of when I'd moved into passing position and had to finish.
Lesson number 1: Don't die. If you go so fast you are in danger of dying, is it worth it? Of course, I have five kids, so I may answer differently than most.
The most incredible section was called "The Veyo Wall" which is a mile straight up the backside of a mountain at 12% incline. I did most of it in my second to lowest gear and was able to stay seated until the last third. Then I stood up. Standing on the bike is a less efficient way to bike, but sometimes it is the only way to keep moving. It has the advantage of using slightly different muscles, so it lets you take a kind of rest, though you pay for it in heart rate. I honestly stood up a lot on this course because I hadn't been on my bike for a while and wanted to make sure I didn't hurt my back in aero position. Going on this hill was like being in the Tour de France. You can look down on the bikers heading up toward you and you can see everyone ahead of you struggling along at about 6 miles an hour. My bike doesn't gear any slower than that, but my husband said he went about 3-4 mph on this section.
At the top, it feels like there should be a band, but there isn't. It's another couple miles before the aid station. Maybe it's just as well, because everyone is so tired at the top, they couldn't hold onto bottles. The bike aid stations are tricky because almost no one stops. The people hold out stuff and you have to grab it one-handed while continuing forward at 15-20 mph. I've never seen anyone crash, but it probably happens. More often, you don't make the pass and have to try again a few yards later. They do ask that you drop garbage at the aid stations and not on the course. This can be hard. I did my best to keep my wrappers in pockets until I could drop them, but that makes you sticky.
I was almost finished with the first bike loop when I got lapped by the lead male. He whizzed by me. Oh, well. I was doing fine with my heart rate. It is really important in Ironman and in life in general to remember to run your own race. There are times when I am aggressive and am motivated by the idea of passing someone ahead of me. But I have to do that only when I know I am within my limits of endurance and heart rate. This is easier as I've gotten used to racing, but you don't want to pass someone in a fit of energy, only to die out a few minutes later. In a really long race, like life itself, it is a lot more important to remember what your own goals are and to keep working at them. If someone passes, good luck to them. I wish them well. I hope they are staying to their own plan.
You can't blow it out in an Ironman. It's even slower than a marathon in terms of pace. You've got to keep it slow enough that you can continue to eat. In a marathon, there is a lot of talk of hitting the wall at mile 18 or 20. This is a physiological phenomenon that happens when you literally run out of muscle glycogen and your body has to start burning fat instead. Fat isn't as efficient and you end up slowing down. Or you learn to take in calories so that you don't run out of your muscle glycogen as fast. And you slow down so you can burn the fat. In an Ironman, if you run out of energy 3 hours in, you are in deep trouble. You've got to eat 250-300 calories every hour on the bike. It doesn't sound like a lot, but it felt to me like I was eating as much as I could. I grabbed everything offered at every aid station and just took it in. You can eat too much, I suppose, and then you puke it all up, but that's also because you're going too fast to digest it.
Lesson number 2: Run your own race. Put on your blinders and let everyone else run theirs. Stick to your own plan.
The last ten miles of the loop are almost all downhill. Last year, I got passed by everyone because they were willing to go 55 miles per hour downhill and I was hitting my brakes. This year, there was a headwind so no one could go all that fast. It was good for me, but there might have been others complaining. I also ended up keeping my heart rate low even on the uphill so the downhill dropped my heart rate even lower. It was below 120 for long sections of the bike, which is really weird for me.
I started the second loop feeling OK. But it got harder as I went along. I had been counting calories per hour because that was part of my plan. I was supposed to take in 2000 calories on the bike. I reached about 750 and my brain wouldn't work anymore. This happens on Ironman races. And on my long 50 mile running races, too. I guess my brain just doesn't have enough energy to process information at my normal rate anymore. It was weird because I would check to see how many miles I had gone, and suddenly all this time had passed and I didn't know where it went. You'd think that would be good, and I suppose it was. But it was also weird and disorienting. I kept taking drinks and gus when offered, but it's all a blur. I think it's partly that when your body is processing pain, it can't do much else. It's overwhelmed with information.
Then I ended up in this passing situation that I hadn't anticipated. A guy was in front of me passing someone and I was going fast enough that I was edging up on him. I didn't want to hit my brakes, but technically I had to pass because I was in the three bike length zone. So I tried to speed up, he pulled a little to the left and I ended up skirting the yellow line. Passing onto the wrong side of the road on a course like this, where traffic is still allowed on that side, is illegal, dangerous, and will get your disqualified if you are caught. So right at this moment, a big SUV with "IRONMAN" painted on it comes by and there's a guy hanging out the window with a camera. He takes a picture and I am sure I've been DQd. He doesn't give me a card for a penalty tent, but I figure that's because they'll tell me when I hit the run that I can't go out on the course. For three hours, I thought my Ironman was over. There was no way to verify it and I didn't really want to admit what I'd done in case I was wrong about being caught on camera. There is a kind of inherent unfairness about the "rules" since everyone (it seemed to me) was breaking them but only a handful of people get caught.
I was a bit slower (about 10 minutes) on the second half of the bike course (which was 46 miles). I noticed that I made it up the wall in about 8 minutes both times, though, which is what, 8mph? I felt good about that, but I maybe pushed it too hard because I felt sick and discouraged for a while on top. I tried to make myself keep taking in gus and gatorade, but nothing tasted good. I finally got onto the no pass section in this tiny city park where there are lots of tight curves. I'm lousy at maneuvering and a woman came up behind me who was annoyed at how slow I was going. Anyway, we chatted briefly and I told her I felt lousy. I was having my period, which started about two hours before, and maybe that was part of my struggle. Not the day you want to be in that situation, but what can you do? I hadn't thought to bring supplies, either.
Lesson number 3: When you are ready to quit, give it a bit and the pain may recede for a while. This is one of the things I've learned doing long endurance races. It comes and goes. If you can hold onto the idea that this pain may go away in a bit, you can keep going. It might not, and you leave the option open that you may quit later.
I did have fun tweeting a bunch of this stuff. I didn't tweet while on the bike, but when I stopped and used a porta potty and no one could see me. Technically, cell phones aren't allowed on the course, probably because they're afraid they will be dangerous and distracting. I tried to be safe, but part of the fun for me was being able to tweet while on the course. I also thought it was great when I was struggling that I could check my mentions on Twitter and people were cheering me on. I hope I was able to share some of the Ironman experience vicariously, and I really appreciate those who were also there, on the sidelines so to speak.
Finally, I got to T2 and changed into running shoes. A woman gave me some tampons to carry with me on the course and I got slathered up with more sunscreen. Sadly, not enough. The volunteers seemed to miss the back of my calves and they started to burn after an hour. I put on more sunscreen because I was carrying that, too, but not soon enough. The temperature hit about95 during the run and in Layton, I hadn't had to deal with anything above 60. Believe me, I wish I had. (We came home and it was raining and cold again, go figure.) I ran the slowest shuffling pace you can imagine. A couple of guys were walking uphill faster than I was running. But I wanted to keep running. I managed about 8 miles.
I will say that the streets were lined on the bottom two miles with people cheering. There were barriers set up to keep the people back from athletes. Some of the people would hold out hands to be slapped as we went along. Some athletes liked this. Others didn't. I was strongly reminded of William and Kate's wedding. Look, if you want to feel like you are a royal or a super star, do an Ironman. They have to keep people from touching you and they're all there, cheering you on like you are the most important person on the planet. It's not real, but it feels good for a while.
My heart rate was about 140 on that first 8 miles almost straight uphill, but I couldn't keep it up. I saw my husband and kids at mile 3 and was doing OK, but by the time they saw me at mile 11, I was walking. I walked for about three miles straight. I wanted to keep running on the downhill because it should have been easy, but I realized that the thoughts in my head of wanting to quit were the signal that I was pushing too hard. I didn't sign up for this race until about four weeks before, and I didn't train that much for it, obviously. So I couldn't push as hard as I have before, and I always struggle in heat and running. It hasn't hit 70 up north here in 6 months.
Anyway, I let myself walk until my heart rate went below 100 and I felt smiley again. My husband and kids were done with their shift at the aid station at 6:00 so they went off to dinner. I told them to bring me back some Cold Stone chocolate ice cream for the finish and I looked forward to that the whole last half of the run course. I ran negative splits, which I have never done before, so I guess I recovered. Also, it started to cool down. I ran half and walked half until the final three miles downhill, and then I was able to find a guy who still cared about running and we hit 8-9 min miles the last bit. There was carnage on the course at that point and anyone still running stood out. You think of Ironman as people going hard all day, and they are, but going hard at that point was just walking. Slowly. Downhill.
Lesson number 4: Sometimes walking is faster than running. By this, I mean that sometimes you get further by taking it easy for a while and then being able to push it harder in between rests. It's not just psychological. My heart rate was actually lower doing it this way.
Last year, I saw a couple of people finishing the run with broken bones. This year, there were a lot of people puking at the side of the road. Several times I saw people lying down curled up in a ball, not moving or responding to the helper next to them. The thing is, in any normal situation, you'd just take that person to the hospital, right? But in an Ironman, you will get cursed out and kicked because the athlete wants to stay on the course. You have to wait for a medical professional to come, check out the person and tell them they are not ALLOWED to continue because they've lost too much weight in water or their blood pressure is nonexistent. I really felt sorry for those people. They pushed harder than I did. They gambled on the chance of not finishing and they lost.
I finished in 13:55, about 40 minutes faster than last year, but I had no bike trouble, so it wasn't exactly a triumph. I mean, every Ironman is an incredible feat of will, and I felt good about how I paced it. At the end, I got to see my kids and husband, who brought me my ice cream, which I tried valiantly to eat. I got through about a quarter of it and the kids finished the rest, along with some deep fried twinkies that looked disgusting. I also picked at some cold cheese pizza and started to shiver. They give you those space blankets, but that's never enough.
It was dark by then, and we headed back to the condo. I drank some chocolate milk and went to bed. I woke up at about midnight starving and ate some mango sticky rice and went back to bed. I don't feel much like eating now, but I have a lot of calories to make up. I figure I burned about 8500 and I ate about 4500 on the day, which was pretty good. A lot of Coke and potato chips (for salt) strangely enough. I actually never eat either of those. Probably why I wanted them, since I was so sick of everything else.
My 14 year old teased me that Ironman was a "disgusting" habit, worse than smoking. It makes me stink and it may kill me (either by skin cancer from too much sun exposure or by crashing on my bike). Not sure he's wrong today. Recovering from an Ironman is harder than doing one for me. There's no more motivation to keep going, no clear indication of "the end." Next year, I think it's my turn for the volunteer aid station and my husband will do the race.
May 3, 2011
April 2011 stats
Books Read and Recommended
Kat, Incorrigible by Stephanie Burgis
Careless in Red by Elizabeth George
A Suitable Vengeance by Elizabeth George
With No One As Witness by Elizabeth George
Getting the Girl by Marcus Zusak
Winter Faerie by Janni Lee Simner
Red Glove by Holly Black
Recovery Road by Blake Nelson
The Auslander by Paul Dowswell
I just haven't been reading as much lately. I feel sad about this. Books just aren't doing it for me right now. I get annoyed easily and I just don't care about characters in a way that would make me want to keep spending time with them. I feel like I can predict what happens and if I've read the first ten pages, that's all the new fun stuff the author has to offer. This may just be my own mental state, easily distracted preparing for the Ironman and frustrated with some writing blocks that I am not ready to discuss yet.
Some of the projects I have been working on this month include:
Magic and Misapprehension, a sort of Jane Austen with magic book.
The Man I Married, an adult re-romance, what I think of as Pride and Prejudice for married people wanting to fall in love again. Has some (what I think are) very funny scenes with a kooky therapist.
An Ideal Boyfriend, which is a book I am writing just for fun, for me, not under contract. I think I will always work on projects speculatively. I just need to creatively spend time working on something that I don't have to be critical about. Or not as critical. I can just let it write itself, see where it is going, and if I don't like it later, that's all right. No expectations.
Kat, Incorrigible by Stephanie Burgis
Careless in Red by Elizabeth George
A Suitable Vengeance by Elizabeth George
With No One As Witness by Elizabeth George
Getting the Girl by Marcus Zusak
Winter Faerie by Janni Lee Simner
Red Glove by Holly Black
Recovery Road by Blake Nelson
The Auslander by Paul Dowswell
I just haven't been reading as much lately. I feel sad about this. Books just aren't doing it for me right now. I get annoyed easily and I just don't care about characters in a way that would make me want to keep spending time with them. I feel like I can predict what happens and if I've read the first ten pages, that's all the new fun stuff the author has to offer. This may just be my own mental state, easily distracted preparing for the Ironman and frustrated with some writing blocks that I am not ready to discuss yet.
Some of the projects I have been working on this month include:
Magic and Misapprehension, a sort of Jane Austen with magic book.
The Man I Married, an adult re-romance, what I think of as Pride and Prejudice for married people wanting to fall in love again. Has some (what I think are) very funny scenes with a kooky therapist.
An Ideal Boyfriend, which is a book I am writing just for fun, for me, not under contract. I think I will always work on projects speculatively. I just need to creatively spend time working on something that I don't have to be critical about. Or not as critical. I can just let it write itself, see where it is going, and if I don't like it later, that's all right. No expectations.
May 2, 2011
#3 TV female characters--Roz Myers in MI-5
I know, not everyone has seen this series, so this may not be as interesting as if you had seen it. But I think the lessons could cross over to other shows.
MI-5 is about England's version of the FBI. There are rotating section heads (generally hot male actors) with hot female actresses working underneath them and a number 2 guy. Sometimes a number 2 female. Also, the section head is Harry Pearce, who unlike Captain Kirk, never goes into the field. And there are the "geeks" who never step out of the office either, but help with computers and other tech. All of the characters die off rather spectacularly in the course of the 9 series, except for Harry (though there are lots of tense moments there).
So, the first female lead is played by Zoe, played by Keeley Hawes. She is warm and naive and is best remembered (in my head, at least) for a moment in which she declares to the new recruits that the rule about not dating anyone outside of MI-5 is ridiculous, because all you have to do is find the right person. She ends up leaving in a world of mess, one of the few characters who doesn't die, because she goes to South America with the guy she loves and makes a new life there.
Contrast that with Roz Myers. Roz is pretty hard-boiled. She doesn't take crap from anyone. She beats up guys without using any super powers. She is very smart. But she is also personally rather cold. She has several affairs during the course of the show, one of them with Adam, the hot male lead. But it doesn't seem to mean much to her. Possibly more to him, because he's just lost his wife. She can do anything a guy can do, and she can do it better. Except, maybe, fry bacon. She doesn't do anything domestic. Doesn't cook dinners for guys she is interested in. She is her job, and what's wrong with that. She is physically attractive, but with no curves.
I am aware of the fact that as a viewer, I warmed up to Zoe more quickly than I did Roz. In fact, I always found Roz a rather cold fish. But intellectually, I much preferred Roz as a character. I am annoyed by my emotional response. As a spy, Zoe isn't very competent. A female spy needs to be good at her job, and that means fooling people, not having a boyfriend or cooking. I could blame my reaction on the actors in the parts, I suppose. I don't know if that is fair or not. I think it is me. I think it's the same problem with Captain Janeway and other strong female characters. I think the audience still wants Deanna Troy (*shudder*). And I'm part of that problem.
I'm hoping the next generation doesn't have this problem.
While I'm at it, Adam's wife is Fiona. I liked her character originally. I liked the idea of having a married couple of spies. And them having a son did make them vulnerable in an interesting way. I liked Fiona's past when it came up. Except that I discovered that the main purpose of Fiona's existence seemed to be to kill her off to make Adam a tragic hero, soldiering on without her for many more episodes. Also, to let Adam have a series of girlfriends he didn't have to commit to because he was still heart-broken. More eye candy for the show.
I don't like it when female characters become angelic at marriage, and then are killed off. It's not true to reality and it perpetuates the duality that women must be either wives or sluts.
MI-5 is about England's version of the FBI. There are rotating section heads (generally hot male actors) with hot female actresses working underneath them and a number 2 guy. Sometimes a number 2 female. Also, the section head is Harry Pearce, who unlike Captain Kirk, never goes into the field. And there are the "geeks" who never step out of the office either, but help with computers and other tech. All of the characters die off rather spectacularly in the course of the 9 series, except for Harry (though there are lots of tense moments there).
So, the first female lead is played by Zoe, played by Keeley Hawes. She is warm and naive and is best remembered (in my head, at least) for a moment in which she declares to the new recruits that the rule about not dating anyone outside of MI-5 is ridiculous, because all you have to do is find the right person. She ends up leaving in a world of mess, one of the few characters who doesn't die, because she goes to South America with the guy she loves and makes a new life there.
Contrast that with Roz Myers. Roz is pretty hard-boiled. She doesn't take crap from anyone. She beats up guys without using any super powers. She is very smart. But she is also personally rather cold. She has several affairs during the course of the show, one of them with Adam, the hot male lead. But it doesn't seem to mean much to her. Possibly more to him, because he's just lost his wife. She can do anything a guy can do, and she can do it better. Except, maybe, fry bacon. She doesn't do anything domestic. Doesn't cook dinners for guys she is interested in. She is her job, and what's wrong with that. She is physically attractive, but with no curves.
I am aware of the fact that as a viewer, I warmed up to Zoe more quickly than I did Roz. In fact, I always found Roz a rather cold fish. But intellectually, I much preferred Roz as a character. I am annoyed by my emotional response. As a spy, Zoe isn't very competent. A female spy needs to be good at her job, and that means fooling people, not having a boyfriend or cooking. I could blame my reaction on the actors in the parts, I suppose. I don't know if that is fair or not. I think it is me. I think it's the same problem with Captain Janeway and other strong female characters. I think the audience still wants Deanna Troy (*shudder*). And I'm part of that problem.
I'm hoping the next generation doesn't have this problem.
While I'm at it, Adam's wife is Fiona. I liked her character originally. I liked the idea of having a married couple of spies. And them having a son did make them vulnerable in an interesting way. I liked Fiona's past when it came up. Except that I discovered that the main purpose of Fiona's existence seemed to be to kill her off to make Adam a tragic hero, soldiering on without her for many more episodes. Also, to let Adam have a series of girlfriends he didn't have to commit to because he was still heart-broken. More eye candy for the show.
I don't like it when female characters become angelic at marriage, and then are killed off. It's not true to reality and it perpetuates the duality that women must be either wives or sluts.
April 29, 2011
female TV series #2 Donna in Dr. Who
I really like Catherine Tate as Donna in Dr. Who. Yes, lots of fans hate her. She is the anti-Rose. Not beautiful, not clever, nothing special at all. She is only the Doctor's "mate," nothing more. But it's Donna's loss at the end of the fourth series that really seems to be the end for the tenth Doctor. Talk about female erasure. Has there ever been a female character so erased as Donna?
[Spoilers below]
She shares Timelord DNA and has a Timelord mind but her puny human body can't handle it. She's just that much below the Doctor. And so she begins to collapse. The doctor can save her life, but he can't save her memories of anything she has done with him. He can't risk that she will remember that she is part Timelord because she will die if she does. So he has to disappear forever out of her life. The last thing we as viewers see is Donna as she was before she ever met the doctor, the stupid, vacant, vapid Donna only interested in the minutiae of life, oblivious of the Doctor's presence. The Donna who insisted that the Doctor save one person from Pompeii, one person--is gone.
And that's the way it has to be because of the story arc. This is the Doctor's sacrifice we are talking about here. It's all about him and his pain. He's just given up Rose to the tenth Doctor--ii, or whatever you call him. He gives them both a happy ending. But he's just not in enough pain, so he can't even have his funny "mate" anymore. On the one hand, I completely understand this creative choice. Russell T. Davies knew that this was essentially the last DT season, that they would both be leaving the series. Emotionally, it is a great heart, wrenching moment. I think Russell T. Davies may not have been as good at individual stories as Steven Moffatt is, but at the emotional arcs of the whole series I truly think he was better. I think he was a genius at seeing the whole four seasons with Christopher Eccleston and DT as one grand story, with Rose in the first episode and the final one tying it all together.
But--Donna is thrown into the pit of female erasure. The Doctor has to live with her loss and that he caused it. But he isn't the one erased. I mean, yes, he is, when he dies. But we don't all forget him. And he doesn't forget himself, if that makes sense. But it is as if Donna has never been. That's what's going on from the beginning of series four with the Ood and the Turn Left episode and everything. I guess it's a great story for a male protagonist, but I have to tell you that as a woman, this makes me feel just strange. Men sacrifice women? That's the hardest thing to do? But what about us? What about what Donna would choose? Doesn't she get a say? No, she doesn't.
I am not complaining about this series as much as I am complaining about the culture that finds this the most meaningful moment in a male character's life. His sacrifice is so different from hers. And hers is so, so--nothing. It's the role of women in reality and in fiction in so many cases. To be the one given up. But not the one with the choices. Or the intelligence. Or the power.
Someday, there will be a female doctor. And I hope I am there to write her. I really, really do. Also, there is a part of me that has this delicious idea of how to do a whole children's series of books starring Amy and Rory as kids where Amy keeps making Rory dress up as "The Raggedy Doctor" and run around "saving the world" from various real, alien threats as the doctor is getting his act together. Anyone want to do the art? It could be a great web comic!
[Spoilers below]
She shares Timelord DNA and has a Timelord mind but her puny human body can't handle it. She's just that much below the Doctor. And so she begins to collapse. The doctor can save her life, but he can't save her memories of anything she has done with him. He can't risk that she will remember that she is part Timelord because she will die if she does. So he has to disappear forever out of her life. The last thing we as viewers see is Donna as she was before she ever met the doctor, the stupid, vacant, vapid Donna only interested in the minutiae of life, oblivious of the Doctor's presence. The Donna who insisted that the Doctor save one person from Pompeii, one person--is gone.
And that's the way it has to be because of the story arc. This is the Doctor's sacrifice we are talking about here. It's all about him and his pain. He's just given up Rose to the tenth Doctor--ii, or whatever you call him. He gives them both a happy ending. But he's just not in enough pain, so he can't even have his funny "mate" anymore. On the one hand, I completely understand this creative choice. Russell T. Davies knew that this was essentially the last DT season, that they would both be leaving the series. Emotionally, it is a great heart, wrenching moment. I think Russell T. Davies may not have been as good at individual stories as Steven Moffatt is, but at the emotional arcs of the whole series I truly think he was better. I think he was a genius at seeing the whole four seasons with Christopher Eccleston and DT as one grand story, with Rose in the first episode and the final one tying it all together.
But--Donna is thrown into the pit of female erasure. The Doctor has to live with her loss and that he caused it. But he isn't the one erased. I mean, yes, he is, when he dies. But we don't all forget him. And he doesn't forget himself, if that makes sense. But it is as if Donna has never been. That's what's going on from the beginning of series four with the Ood and the Turn Left episode and everything. I guess it's a great story for a male protagonist, but I have to tell you that as a woman, this makes me feel just strange. Men sacrifice women? That's the hardest thing to do? But what about us? What about what Donna would choose? Doesn't she get a say? No, she doesn't.
I am not complaining about this series as much as I am complaining about the culture that finds this the most meaningful moment in a male character's life. His sacrifice is so different from hers. And hers is so, so--nothing. It's the role of women in reality and in fiction in so many cases. To be the one given up. But not the one with the choices. Or the intelligence. Or the power.
Someday, there will be a female doctor. And I hope I am there to write her. I really, really do. Also, there is a part of me that has this delicious idea of how to do a whole children's series of books starring Amy and Rory as kids where Amy keeps making Rory dress up as "The Raggedy Doctor" and run around "saving the world" from various real, alien threats as the doctor is getting his act together. Anyone want to do the art? It could be a great web comic!
April 26, 2011
#1 Female TV show characters I love--Brennan in Bones
A new series of blog posts.
This is really one of the best shows on TV for strong female characters. Some of my favorite moments:
Brennan's "dancing phalanges" with the baby episode. I don't think every female character has to want to become a mother. This was a great way to touch on Bones and mothering without making it seem like Brennan was lacking something if she wasn't a mom.
Angela's insistence that Bones should not testify against her father. In fact, Ryan O'Neal was amazing in this role. He and Emily Deschanel had great chemistry.
The gravedigger character (another woman!) and all the episodes about her. But especially the one with Bones and Hodgins buried alive. Oh, yeah, and the one with Booth in the ship and Brennan having to save him. Great, great examples of how to make a male and a female character both heroic without resorting to stereotypes of damsel in distress storytelling.
The scene in the bar with Booth this season, after the breakup with Hannah. Booth is perfect, but so is Brennan. We know there will be more romance buildup, but this moment is about restraint and longing. And about friendship first and foremost. Men and women can have friendships without romance.
I love the way that Brennan's casual sexual relationships are handled. She is not depicted as a slut and there's no need to catalog all her men. But it's clear that she has had plenty of experience.
Love Brennan's weird geeky love of decomposing bodies, combined with her insistence on respect in the lab.
I would like Brennan to have a few other female friends. Maybe this is impossible in the constraints of television. Angela and Brennan have a special relationship, two strong women who connect with each other despite vast differences. Angela puts up with Brennan's strange social behavior because she is brilliant. Brennan needs Angela to help her negotiate the world of normal human relationships. It was really interesting to see the relationship between Brennan and Hannah develop, but it was suddenly dropped when Booth dropped Hannah. Why? Would Brennan really do this?
I would also like to have more discussion between Brennan and Angela about female beauty and the necessity of Brennan dressing to kill at all times. She is always perfectly made up, wearing an outfit that shows her body off. Yes, professional. But a bit over the top for me. All the women on the show seem a bit over the top to me in terms of dressing to kill. Do they never wear sweats and T-shirts? Do they never take makeup off? I think Brennan of all people would be interested in the sociological implications of female beauty. Can we hear her talk about them?
This is really one of the best shows on TV for strong female characters. Some of my favorite moments:
Brennan's "dancing phalanges" with the baby episode. I don't think every female character has to want to become a mother. This was a great way to touch on Bones and mothering without making it seem like Brennan was lacking something if she wasn't a mom.
Angela's insistence that Bones should not testify against her father. In fact, Ryan O'Neal was amazing in this role. He and Emily Deschanel had great chemistry.
The gravedigger character (another woman!) and all the episodes about her. But especially the one with Bones and Hodgins buried alive. Oh, yeah, and the one with Booth in the ship and Brennan having to save him. Great, great examples of how to make a male and a female character both heroic without resorting to stereotypes of damsel in distress storytelling.
The scene in the bar with Booth this season, after the breakup with Hannah. Booth is perfect, but so is Brennan. We know there will be more romance buildup, but this moment is about restraint and longing. And about friendship first and foremost. Men and women can have friendships without romance.
I love the way that Brennan's casual sexual relationships are handled. She is not depicted as a slut and there's no need to catalog all her men. But it's clear that she has had plenty of experience.
Love Brennan's weird geeky love of decomposing bodies, combined with her insistence on respect in the lab.
I would like Brennan to have a few other female friends. Maybe this is impossible in the constraints of television. Angela and Brennan have a special relationship, two strong women who connect with each other despite vast differences. Angela puts up with Brennan's strange social behavior because she is brilliant. Brennan needs Angela to help her negotiate the world of normal human relationships. It was really interesting to see the relationship between Brennan and Hannah develop, but it was suddenly dropped when Booth dropped Hannah. Why? Would Brennan really do this?
I would also like to have more discussion between Brennan and Angela about female beauty and the necessity of Brennan dressing to kill at all times. She is always perfectly made up, wearing an outfit that shows her body off. Yes, professional. But a bit over the top for me. All the women on the show seem a bit over the top to me in terms of dressing to kill. Do they never wear sweats and T-shirts? Do they never take makeup off? I think Brennan of all people would be interested in the sociological implications of female beauty. Can we hear her talk about them?
April 25, 2011
Mortification Monday
I was invited to my first real Con about four years ago. They asked me if I wanted to do a reading, and I said yes, of course I did. And a signing. Definitely! I came at the right time, walked up to the registration and got my badge. I found the room I was to be signing in and sat down. I was alone for a while. Luckily, I had brought someone else's book to read to myself.
So this is the story of my worst appearance/signing:
I was invited to my first real Con about four years ago. They asked me if I wanted to do a reading, and I said yes, of course I did. And a signing. Definitely! I came at the right time, walked up to the registration and got my badge. I found the room I was to be signing in and sat down. I was alone for a while. Luckily, I had brought someone else's book to read to myself. After about ten minutes, a lone preteen girl came in, ushered by her parents, who was clearly eager to get rid of her so that she could go off to an "adult author's panel." She told the girl that I would watch over her until she came back, and then looked at me. I wondered if I was supposed to show her my babysitting credentials.
Still, game, I read to the girl for a few minutes. Then the door opened. I looked up, thinking that perhaps more people had come to hear me reading. Instead, about a half dozen people came in, talking loudly to each other and began to set up for the next hour's presentation on--sewing costumes. I tried to keep reading over them. Then they left. I sighed relief until they came in--again! And talked over me--again! The third time they came in, I walked over to them, explained rather curtly that I was doing a reading and that I had the room until the next hour. They looked at their watches, claimed that my time was almost over anyway, and besides, they had to set up. What were they supposed to do?
I gave up, and walked over to my signing. There I discovered that the bookstore had not bothered to purchase a single one of my titles and everyone seemed to expect that I would bring my own books. I actually had three of them, which I had brought for the reading and to show people at any panels I attended. So I set them up as if to sell them. One of the conference organizers walked by and clearly, taking pity on me, picked up my book, looked at the back cover and asked me what it was about. I told him. He shrugged, said, "Well, that sounds like the kind of book I would definitely not like to read," and left.
So this is the story of my worst appearance/signing:
I was invited to my first real Con about four years ago. They asked me if I wanted to do a reading, and I said yes, of course I did. And a signing. Definitely! I came at the right time, walked up to the registration and got my badge. I found the room I was to be signing in and sat down. I was alone for a while. Luckily, I had brought someone else's book to read to myself. After about ten minutes, a lone preteen girl came in, ushered by her parents, who was clearly eager to get rid of her so that she could go off to an "adult author's panel." She told the girl that I would watch over her until she came back, and then looked at me. I wondered if I was supposed to show her my babysitting credentials.
Still, game, I read to the girl for a few minutes. Then the door opened. I looked up, thinking that perhaps more people had come to hear me reading. Instead, about a half dozen people came in, talking loudly to each other and began to set up for the next hour's presentation on--sewing costumes. I tried to keep reading over them. Then they left. I sighed relief until they came in--again! And talked over me--again! The third time they came in, I walked over to them, explained rather curtly that I was doing a reading and that I had the room until the next hour. They looked at their watches, claimed that my time was almost over anyway, and besides, they had to set up. What were they supposed to do?
I gave up, and walked over to my signing. There I discovered that the bookstore had not bothered to purchase a single one of my titles and everyone seemed to expect that I would bring my own books. I actually had three of them, which I had brought for the reading and to show people at any panels I attended. So I set them up as if to sell them. One of the conference organizers walked by and clearly, taking pity on me, picked up my book, looked at the back cover and asked me what it was about. I told him. He shrugged, said, "Well, that sounds like the kind of book I would definitely not like to read," and left.
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