Mette Ivie Harrison's Blog, page 88

Tuesday TV and movie: State of Play, Sliding Doors, Bridget Jones

Some random thoughts on my viewing of late:

State of Play (British mini-series) starring John Simm and David Morrisey, among others. This is a story about an investigative journalist who suspects that a suicide is actually a murder, linked to another murder on the same day. He finds government corruption, an old friend in trouble, and the wife of the old friend becomes his lover. I liked it, but I ended up wondering why American TV doesn't have anything like this. Not just that we have only series programming and very, very few miniseries or single season series, but a show about journalism. I think we've had a few in the past, but currently we have a surfeit of cop shows/CSI and law shows. Why not celebrate writers?

Sliding Doors with Gwyneth Paltrow and John Hannah. OK, first off, John Hannah is sizzling hot in this. I am a sucker for a Scottish accent at any time, but I love the first riff he gives on screen about the "Featles," that every human is born instinctively knowing the lyrics to all Beatles songs. And it only gets better from there. I also like that this is a story that is romantic, that is comedic, and also partly melodramatic, but it doesn't have the typical rom/com ending with the sappy happy ever after. (Not that I have anything against a satisfying, well-earned HEA.) I like that this is a story also about form, choosing to tell two stories about the same people at the same time. I love how playful the directing is, matching scenes in the two different stories. I also love how real this felt to me. Life seems like it is a series of things that spool out like thread, but I often feel like it could all have been very different if just one thing had changed.

Bridget Jones' Diary with Hugh Grant, Colin Firth and Renee Zellweger. Two of my favorite male actors are in this and it's a retelling of Pride and Prejudice. It's very clever, and yet I don't quite love it the way that I want to. I don't know that it means this is unsuccessful. I think part of the story here is that Jane Austen isn't part of our world anymore. Only a skewed Austen is true now. I think sometimes I felt Zellweger's character was more Emma than Elizabeth Bennet, though her parents are pretty good imitations of the Bennets in modern times. Also, no sisters.

Monday Book Recs--Healey, Nova Ren Suma, Grimes, Sullivan

The Shattering by Karen Healey

This is a story about three teens drawn together by the apparent suicides of their siblings, desperate to prove that there is some "meaning" in the deaths besides despair and darkness. I loved Healey's way of concretizing what feels real in the heart. This is what the best fantasy does. It makes metaphors real. Everyone who knows someone who has committed suicide wants to deny it happened, wants to blame someone else. In this case, there is a mysterious curse on the town the teens live in that the teens have to break. They have power to fight real villains and to triumphant. Except that Healey makes a brilliant twist in the end that I won't reveal, which makes it clear she knows what she is doing. It isn't just fantasy here. I also must say that I loved the quirkiness of the characters. Not in any superficial way. They felt very real, and very different. I was dragged in from the first page and kept reading to the end. I felt shattered, too.

Lightborn by Tricia Sullivan

This is a book that, like much of the best science fiction written in the adult world, is hard to get into. The language is thrown at the reader and you have to make sense of it, like you have been sent to a foreign language class where no one will speak English and you have to figure things out in context. But the short chapters and the clarity of the broken relationships between adults and children is so real that you keep reading, anyway. That part makes sense, and like Healey's book, is where the heart of this deep book lies. The metaphor here that mattered most to me was about the ways in which adults are changing the world and then leaving our children to fix it. I also liked how the ending did not take any easy way out. I have more to say about this book on Wednesday, talking about suspense in writing. The story is about an AI that gets out of control and starts taking over the minds of those it can get to by the "light," but that makes it sound so flat. It is also a story about "the Fall," with all the Biblical allusions that you can think of, none of them obvious or trite.

Planet Middle School by Nikki Grimes

A novel in poems, this is the kind of book I could never write because it takes so few words to say so much. I felt so clearly the pain of the main character as she grow up out of middle school and into high school. The confusion about the change in other characters' personalities, and then when it happens to her, the sense that it is wrong, but also that she can't stop it.

Imaginary Girls by Nova Ren Suma

Another confusing book. It has a fantastical element, but that isn't clear from the first. There are no fairies or magic spells. It seems possible for a while that the narrator is simply delusional, as unreliable as her sister is megalomaniacal, or that there is some elaborate hoax being played. It's the story of two sisters who rely on each other too much, and it reminded me of mother/daughter stories where there is a deep dysfunction. The metaphor of the water in the book is deep and I loved the sense of borders around this town where they live. It feels real, like the real boundaries of my life as a teen. I could move, but I couldn't move that far away from my home. I'm not doing a good job of describing the plot here, but I'm not sure that plot is what this story is about anyway.

Friday Why I Tri

I really don't hate working out. I used to. I would worry so much about the next day's workout when I was training for my first Ironman that I couldn't sleep. And then I'd end up getting up at midnight or two a.m. and just do my workout so I didn't have to worry about it anymore, then finally get to sleep at 4 or 5. Not the best way to live life. I'm not sure that it even helped my fitness level.

For me, I need to enjoy working out. I think that many people need to have a daily workout routine in order to keep going. Some of them need to have a specific goal like a race and then a training plan that will help them get to that goal. I make training plans for people all the time, but I don't write training plans for myself. EVER. Because then I obsess over them and that's bad for me.

This is what I do: I wake up in the morning and I got downstairs and do what I feel like. Yeah, you might be surprised, but I always feel like exercising at one level or another. And there are some days when I feel like going hard. Maybe once a week. Maybe less often than that. When I say hard, I mean interval training like sprints or tempo training that mimics a race. Other than that, I don't tend to stress about my workouts.

I have one long workout each week, usually on a Saturday, but I try to make this enjoyable by getting myself flavors of gu I like and gatorade, other little treats for during and then a big treat for after. I also make sure I have plenty of TV viewing available. I also make sure that the goals I set are easily achievable on this day. Or I change them to something achievable as it goes along. I'm not an elite athlete, but I'm pretty darn good and I think this plan works.

I love racing. I love feeling good about my body and seeing what I can do. I hate the crash I feel after racing, but it's the price for the adrenaline high of the race itself. More and more, though, I think that people need to stop thinking of exercise as something they dread. It should be fun. It should be play. It WILL make you feel good while you do it, if you do it right. It will make you feel better physically afterward (though not necessarily immediately afterward.)

I also TRI because it is an entirely physical thing. I like that, having something in my life that isn't the same kind of mental challenge as everything else I do and have done well before now. I like it because I don't have to be the best. I can choose to race or not to race hard. And I like that when I am racing, I am so involved in it that the rest of my life fades away. Any worries I have about my books or my kids fade away while I am racing. I am allowed to be only Mette the triathlete instead of Mette the mom/writer/volunteer/financial planner/friend/wife. There is something cleansing about that.

If you need some motivation to get started, I started very small. I ran .1 mile on the treadmill the first day. One minute. I think you have one minute to try something and see how you feel afterward. If you're not ready to run, walk. Or bike. Or do yoga. Try it for one minute. I dare you. If you don't feel better after one minute, feel free to write me a nasty comment.

Thursday Quotes: Favorite First Lines

These are not necessarily all of my favorite first lines, but ones from books I happened to have on hand at the moment:

"She could not remember a time when she had not known the story; she had grown up knowing it."

Robin McKinley The Hero and the Crown

"It was on a winter afternoon, just before Christmas, that Nuria finally gave up the idea of making a wish."

Franny Billingsley Well-Wished

"The pipe under the sink was leaking again. It wouldn't have been so bad except that Nick kept his favorite sword under the sink."

Sarah Rees Brennan The Demon's Lexicon

"She was born Anidori-Liladra Talianna Isilee, Crown Princess of Kildenree, and she did not open her eyes for three days."

Shannon Hale The Goose Girl

"I don't remember any of the true, important parts"

Brenna Yovanoff The Replacement

"At the end of the century before last, in the market square of the city Baltese, there stood a boy with a hat on his head and a coin in his hand."

Kate DiCamillo The Magician's Elephant

"The game was Carousel Hazard, the stakes were roughly half of all the wealth they commanded in the entire world, and the plain truth was that Locke Lamora and Jean Tannen were getting beaten like a pair of dusty carpets."

Scott Lynch Red Seas Under Red Skies

"Brother Francis Gerard of Utah might never have discovered the blessed documents, had it not been for the pilgrim with girded loins who appeared during that young novice's Lenten fast in the desert."

Walter Miller A Canticle For Leibovitz


So, an interesting side effect of this haphazard study of some favorite books of mine was that many of my favorites actually had very uninteresting first lines. And that's all right, too. The first line isn't the only thing that matters, and as writers I think sometimes we may put too much emphasis on it. It's great if you happen to have a first line that rocks, but don't torture the book so that the first line is perfect, but doesn't fit.

I was talking to a writer friend who was teaching a class recently and I read through a few manuscripts and told her which ones I thought were the best, based on the first paragraph. She agreed with me, that those were her favorite first paragraphs, as well. But then she said that sadly, it seemed some of the writers had learned how to write a great first paragraph, but the rest of the book didn't work. While other writers didn't necessarily shine in the first paragraph but still had interesting novels. I have been puzzling over this. And what do I think?

If you are expecting a triathlon metaphor, you will have one. I think that some writers are sprinters and some writers are Ironman athletes. A novel is an Ironman. A first line is a 50 meter dash. And there is nothing to be ashamed of in being able to do a 50 meter dash the fastest or best in the world. It just doesn't tell you if someone can run a marathon well. Or at all.

Just do one small thing

Sometimes when I stare at my kitchen (especially after the kids have been cooking), I feel utter despair. There is so much to do and I just don't know if I have the commitment to get it done. And besides, it feels like it wasn't my fault to begin with and even if I'm the grown up who has the responsibility to fix it, I want to run away and hide and do anything but be in the kitchen with the mess.

And then I force myself to stay just long enough to get one load of dishes in the dishwasher. Just one load. Yes, sometimes I feel encouraged and do more than that. But a lot of the time I just get in one load and then I allow myself to flee the kitchen. Then, when I come back the next time, I feel like I can do one more thing, like the dishes that have to be hand washed, or cleaning off counters. And then by the time it is dinner time, I can stand to go into the kitchen and actually cook.

I think this is actually a lot like writing a novel. Or revising a novel. It feels easy when you get started, when the novel is just this small idea that you are playing with. It feels exciting as long as you are in control of it. And then you cross this barrier, or you realize that you are falling and no longer sliding down the hill, and there is just too much. All you want to do is run away and hide. You can't possibly deal with a problem that big.

The only way to deal with this problem is to do smaller chunks of it day by day until it seems more manageable again. But it's a mental trick, telling yourself that you only have to deal with this small piece of it for now. Sometimes that means only writing the scene that you know is coming. Sometimes it means dealing with a problem as small as a global name change. Or cutting out the parts you know have to go. Doing those things may feel like they don't really matter, like they're not really helping the bigger problem. But then, surprisingly, they do.

I don't know if it's because you're warmed up and you can keep going or it is because you have gotten over some mental barrier or if it's really because changing the way you look at it makes it truly easier, but this works. So if you are stuck on a novel that seems too big for you, only fix one little thing today. And one little thing tomorrow. Maybe only think about how to fix something. Maybe only read through one page today and makes notes. Do something, but don't commit to the whole thing. I understand commitment phobia. My poor novels. I am so faithless to them sometimes.

And then the sound of the dishwasher is overhead, and I feel good again.

Tuesday TV/movie/culture reviews=Whatever I feel like

Today I feel like Harry Potter, since I went and saw the last movie last night with the kids. I like Harry Potter. A lot. I think I never quite reached the level of fanaticism that others have. And it's not because I'm above that sort of behavior. I'm definitely not, as I think I have proven by buying tickets to Much Ado About Nothing, starring David Tenant and Catherine Tate in LONDON and then flying myself and my two oldest daughters there so we could see it. Because it would be fun. And also, we brought the crocheted DT 10th Doctor doll my oldest had made with us. Because that was fun.

When I was a kid, I remember liking Star Wars a lot. I got the tape of Return of the Jedi (before DVDs were available) and listened to it every night. So I guess that's pretty fanatical. I also read all of James Blish's adaptations of the TV show scripts and pretty much every novel in the Star Trek universe for many, many years. So yes, fanatical there, too. I used to spend time doing drawings of Spock and Kirk and I wrote my own Star Trek novel, which you can find on my website, if you dare. Very, very bad. I was also obsessed with Perry Mason and Sherlock Holmes, though, so it wasn't just what was popular at the time. I just liked them.

I also liked the Greek Gods and spent a year in sixth grade trading homework assignments with this boy who sat next to me who could draw the gods for my book in progress. And I rewrote all the stories, my first retellings. I have several books of "trivia" from Sherlock Holmes somewhere, and I wrote pastiches of Holmes and Perry Mason, since I knew the only way I was going to get the endings I wanted was to make my own.

With Harry Potter, my interest has been slightly more detached. I've enjoyed watching my kids get obsessed with the books and movies, and I certainly enjoyed the books myself. But for me, the main attraction was JK Rowling herself. I found her a fascinating model of how to be a writer persona. I'm not talking about studying her actual words, sentence by sentence. I don't admire her on that level (sorry!). I think her world building is brilliant and I think she invented superb plots for each book and an overarching plot. Amazing ability to have things in the first book come up again in the last. Though she wasn't flawless, as many readers more devoted than I have pointed out.

What I admire most about her is her insistence on writing the novels the way she wanted to write them. On the schedule she wanted to write them. Living the life she wanted to lead as she wrote them. I am sure that fame curtailed some things that she might have done otherwise, but it also enabled her to do other things. Mostly, though, she seems like she is the same person she always was, just with more money. I don't know if there is anyone less changed by wealth and power than she was. She seems to just care about her books and making sure that they remain what they are.

No one else will ever have to face this kind of a phenomenon again, I daresay. Stephenie Meyer's success with Twilight has been the closest thing we've seen but I think it is more an American thing than worldwide and it has so many detractors. Harry Potter never seemed to inspire much of that. I think if I had to face anything like this kind of success (unlikely), I would crack. Really. I think I would run away and decide that writing books wasn't really that important to me. I'd come back to it years later and feel like a fool, but I might still never be able to publish again. The pressure would really kill me. I can't stand even a small amount of scrutiny. And how could you avoid it as JK Rowling?

So, if I'm a fan, I'm a fan of the author first and foremost. A classy, classy, writer lady.

Monday Book Recs--My Favorite Detectives

Elizabeth George's Inspector Lynley Series

Careless in Red was probably my favorite so far. That's the one after Lynley's sainted wife Helen dies and he is traveling up the coast. I think I have a thing for crushed, broken heroes. But I like all the books in this series, and wish frankly that she would just buckle down and write some more of them. I admit, I didn't read them until I had seen a few Masterpiece episodes. I am intrigued by the differences in the two alternate universes of Lynleys. I love anything British, so that explains some of it. I love the relationship between Lynley and Havers. I loved Lynely's problems as a cop, past and present. I love the glimpse into the upper class world. I also think I love that they are written by an American. I will admit, I occasionally wish that there were more focus on the detectives than on the cases. I don't want a hundred pages about the local folk before the murder starts. That's my soap opera heart.

Sue Grafton's Kinsey Milhone Series

I think I remember recommending this series foolishly to my mother, who complained that there was too much swearing. Well, it's detective fiction. And it's gritty. I like Kinsey's lonely life, her small town friends, the restaurant she goes to, her friend Henry who is 80. I like how the series has changed and grown more thrilling. I think that Grafton is a superb character sketch writer and I am trying to learn from her how to quickly and incisively introduce a character in ten words or less. I also love Kinsey's difficult relationships, with her clients, and with others. I like the past we learn about slowly as readers. And I love the idea that seems to permeate all these books, that you are mostly likely to be killed by someone you love. Chilling and true.

Robert Parker's Spenser Series

OK, yeah, I admit I got tired of Spenser/Susan and the dog. I really wanted to shoot the dog after a while. Sorry! But the early books are amazing as Spenser becomes himself, and Hawk is a fascinating character. I like some of the early stuff with Susan and feminism. I even liked the later books so long as there was little to do with Susan. I got really REALLY annoyed with the constant references to great sex always, and Susan's utter inability to cook and yet her precise care of her appearance at all times. On the other hand, I thought Parker was so perfect at dialog. That is what I keep trying to steal from him, since I steal from every writer I admire (and probably those I don't admire, too, unconsciously.) He could write in about two pages a scene that would take me about twenty to write and he would make it seem effortless.

Robert Parker's Jesse Stone Series

I think I started liking Jesse Stone more after Tom Selleck picked him up. And maybe because I was getting tired of Spenser. I wanted to shake Jesse sometimes, his thing with his wife, but that's intentional on the writer's part, I think. The lonely man, and all that. I liked the novel about the woman who wanted to pitch professional baseball. Interesting insight again into Parker on men and women. I don't necessarily agree, but I thought it was fascinating. I also liked the small town feel of these books, the sense that there is something dark lurking in every small world.

Anne Perry's Monk Series

I read the Pitt series first, and only grudgingly read these, because there wasn't anything else of Perry's to read. But I think I prefer this series to the other at this point. I really like how the relationship between Hester and Monk has grown. I like the lawyer who is always between them. I like the time period, though Perry does all time periods well. She seems excruciating in her detail. I could never write historical like this and I don't think I even want to. But as a primer in how to make a fantasy world real, I think there is no better example than these books. I like the courtroom thrill and the feeling of the Thames as a creature. Also the horror of life at this time in poverty, the underground being built, the gallows, the jails. I like dark, what can I say?

Anne Perry's Thomas and Charlotte Pitt Series

This series in an interesting mix of the underside of Victorian London and the glitsy upper class side. I find the match between Thomas and Charlotte fascinating and the latest book, where Charlotte goes off to Ireland with another man (Thomas's superior who is in love with her) had me on the edge of my seat all the way. A great way to combine plot suspense with character suspense. I am trying to learn from her the way to write a marriage that isn't either cliched boring or cliched difficult. Thomas and Charlotte are in love, but they have tensions between them. I don't know how she writes marriage so perfectly, but she does. And Great Aunt Vespasia--there is no better female aunt character in all the world.

Friday Tri--Gear

If you're interested, here is a description of my first book sale over at Jim Hines' livejournal:
http://jimhines.livejournal.com/585984.html

And for today, a list of gear that I recommend for doing a beginning triathlon:

Swim:
1. Speedo Hydrospex goggles (my favorite kind and the only kind I have bought for years)
2. Nylon (NOT LYCRA) racing suit with thin shoulder straps (my daughters always complain that I buy "ugly" swimsuits. I don't care what my swimsuit looks like. Only how it functions. I always buy from www.swimoutlet.com)
3. Swim cap. (I prefer the silicone variety. The lycra ones are more comfortable, but only last about ten minutes in the water--like lycra suits. The latex ones are cheap, but they break fairly often. The silicone one I have has lasted since 2006, which for $10 and the amount of swimming I do is a good deal.)
3. Sunscreen/Bug spray (depending on the race conditions, but I always put them on before I go into the water. Sometimes I have a mini bottle to put in a pocket to reapply for later, but this is only in half-Iron or longer distances.)

Optional: Wetsuit and body glide (I didn't buy a wetsuit or a road bike/tri bike until I had finished a full year of triathlon racing). Also, hair elastic, which I put on before I put on my swim cap and never mess with after.

Bike :
1. Socks (Yeah, I'm not like the professionals who go sockless. I like to wear a nice pair of nylon, breathable running socks. I don't wear cycling socks for some reason--they are too tight for me.)
2. Shoes (For the first year of racing, I used my running shoes)
3. Helmet (A comfortable one--try it on in the store and make sure it fits properly)
4. Tri shorts (Or you can buy a trisuit to wear under your wetsuit or alone, but I have to say I didn't like having to unzip and get entirely naked to go to the bathroom, so I prefer two piece outfits. Also I don't like bike shorts. I don't see guys in the Tour de France wearing them and I think the padding is annoying.)
5. A decent bike seat--not the one you will get as the standard at the store. (I recommend "butterly" seats or anything that has a cut out in the center.)
6. A race belt with race number pre-attached so you can just throw it on (On occasion, I have been known to forget this and then am forced to pin my number on my swim outfit under my wetsuit. It works, but it's not what I recommend).
7. Biking glasses (regular sunglasses did not work for me to keep out bugs and dust. I spent a full summer with streaming, teary eyes and yes, biking glasses are expensive. But for $100, no more tears was a bargain.)
8. A fix-it pack on your bike which includes a spare tube (at least one), a pump and a compressed air cylinder.
9. A water bottle cage (though I recommend you put Gatorade in it)
10. A bike computer, mostly to tell you your speed and cadence. (I don't spend the big bucks for a power meter at this point.)

Optional: gu (I hate gu, but have taught myself to eat it anyway. If you want a cliff bar or something else, that's fine, but gu will always go down and never makes me sick. Plus even when I am working at maximum, I can swallow it without chewing and interfering with my breathing. But this is only necessary in Olympic distance races, not in Sprint distance.)

Run:
1. Shoes (possibly the same as the ones you wear on the bike)

That's it, really. I'm very particular about my race gear these days. I have strong opinions on bike saddles and goggles and swim suits. I have worn the same pair of running shoes for about 6 years of racing now (Asics Nimbus), though of course you should wear whichever pair of shoes feels best on your feet.

What I don't bother with:
1. A heart rate monitor. I think this is useful sometime between the beginner stage and before the advanced stage, when you are trying to figure out how it is supposed to feel while you are doing various race distances so that you can keep going at that rate.
2. GPS monitor. I had one of these and never much used it. I have my own methods for figuring out how far I've gone and by now I know how many strokes of swimming it takes to finish a mile in open water (1400) and how many strides per mile (700-800), plus I've never been on a bike course where there aren't some sort of mile markers.
3. Towels. I know lots of people bring towels and they wipe off their feet after the swim, but I never take time for this and I honestly have never noticed sand or dirt bothering me while on the bike or run.
4. Run hats. They ALWAYS fall off when I wear them, and even when I know I should, I can't stand to keep them on for long. They turn into more of a liability than an advantage.
5. Different outfits for swimming, biking, and running. If I wear a swimsuit on the swim, I just throw on shorts on top. A long-sleeved shirt if necessary in colder weather, but I can't remember the last time that happened, and I race through November.
6. Sweatbands. (It will drip off naturally, and sweat is there to keep you cooler.)
7. Snot cloths. (Sorry if that is too blunt, but I used to carry these around because my nose runs while biking. I've learned to just blow it on the road. I have not yet learned to pee on the bike.)

The hardest part for most people doing a triathlon for the first time is the transitions. First of all, remembering what you're going to do in the transition, and then the feeling of your body as you move from one sport to the next. For me, I am fairly confident about my transitions, but I still start thinking about the steps that will take me from swim to bike or bike to run about five minutes before I finish. I just repeat the list over and over until I'm finished with it. But yeah, the first few triathlons I did stupid stuff like started biking with my goggles still on, or without my helmet. It just happens. You'll survive. The volunteers there will help you. And I'm embarrassed how many times I have started biking with my helmet on the wrong way around. Still.

As for the feeling, the only way through that is to get used to it. The first time I stood up out of the water and tried to run in a triathlon, I literally fell down. You've been horizontal for a long time and it's weird to be upright. You get used to it. The same is true of the bike to run transition. Your legs feel like lead and you can't figure out how to get them to start running. You can barely walk. The best way to deal with both of these is to do lots of "bricks" in your training, so you get used to making your body change movement without batting an eye. Part of this is also learning to set the right pace at each sport so you can continue on, and learning to slow a little before the end so that you can do your transition properly. These days, I can do a swim to bike transition in under two minutes with a wetsuit to get out of, and a bike to run transition, including changing shoes, in under one minute. But the first time, it was about five minutes and three minutes.

Thursday Quotes: The Queen of Attolia

I thought I would use Thursdays as a chance to talk about favorite books and maybe give insights into why they're my favorites, partly as a reader, partly as a writer.

There are many things I love about the Attolia series by Megan Whalen Turner. I can't possibly describe them all, and quotes will only give those unacquainted with the books a hint of her mastery of the craft on one level. That said here are a couple of my favorites:

About a third of the way through:
"Attolia turned to look at him, where he kneeled watching her face. He'd grown, she realized. Boys did often grow in one last leap just as they became men, but her spies either hadn't noticed or hadn't thought to tell her. He was not quite her height, but with his hair cropped short under his helmet, she hadn't looked twice at him when she had seen him with the other muddy soldiers in the courtyard earlier. He'd had a false hand then, instead of a hook. She supposed he'd covered it with riding gloves. The greatest change in him was not his height, nor the length of his hair, but the expression on his face. He looked at her as impassively as she knew she looked at him. She could feel the immobile mask of her own face."

Near the end:
"Attolia was as alone as she had always been, but she had never felt so desolate. She cursed herself for her stupidity. Who was the Thief that she would love him? A youth, just a boy with hardly a beard and no sense at all, she told herself. A liar, she thought, an enemy, a threat. He was brave, a voice inside her said, he was loyal. Not loyal to me, she answered. Not brave on my behalf. Brave and loyal, the voice repeated. A fool, she answered back. A fool and a dead one. She ached with emptiness."

As I spent many hours searching for some formula of perfect romance when I was writing The Princess and the Hound, I was struck by the way in which Queen is really a dual Bildungsroman, where both the male lead and the female lead have to go through enormous changes in order for their romance to work. Also, I thought of how they changed in some ways to be like each other, though they kept a distinct difference. Both these quotes highlight Irene's realization of the change in Gen, but also that it's his change that spurs a change in her. They are better together than they could ever be apart. And of course, the writing itself is beautiful, poignant, and never sentimental.

Wednesday on Writing: The Order of Things

The first thing you must do before you write a novel is to find out how many words the novel should have. A young adult novel should have 60,000 words, unless it is a fantasy YA novel, and then it should have 80,000 words. A middle grade novel should have 45,000 words. Unless it is a fantasy MG and then it should have 75,000 words. If you are writing a sequel, it can be 10% longer than your first novel. If it sells more than 50,000 copies, then it can be up to 20% longer. The third novel can be that much longer again than the second. Everything clear? Oh, adult novels should be 80,000 words unless they are adult fantasy and then they must be 120,000 words. Picture book manuscripts must have under 600 words.

The second thing you must do before you write a novel is figure out how many chapters the novel should have. A young adult novel should have 35 chapters, and a middle grade novel about the same, though they are shorter, only 6 pages each (whereas a young adult novel has 8 page chapters.)

The third thing you must do is write the chapter headings of each of your chapters. There are three recommended methods for chapter headings. 1, mysterious lead-ins that make no sense until the chapter is finished. 2, quotations from famous authors or poets. 3, titles that describe what will happen in the chapter so that the reader knows if s/he wants to read that chapter.

The fourth thing is to name your characters. I recommend looking in baby books from fifteen years ago, for young adult novels. Or if it is fantasy, you should change one letter of any name, preferrably using a "y," or you can use a naming book from another country, or a naming book from the middle ages.

The fifth thing is to write a character sheet for each character. You must know the birthdate, favorite color, favorite clothes, best friend, and worst habit of each character. Each character should have an action that defines them, like pushing hair back over their ears or chewing fingernails. This should come up at least every other page during any scene in which that character is depicted. Each character should have something in the past that will come out in the course of the novel, good or bad. And every character needs to change in an arc that will play out over the course of the novel.

The sixth thing is to write a list of world rules. You need this even in a contemporary novel, because cliques in high school and junior high work in unique ways and you will want to orient the reader in the first ten pages of a novel as to what these rules are. Also recommended is a glossary, especially in a fantasy or scifi novel. You should have at least twenty made up "slang" words that will be introduced and used repeatedly in the novel. You want to make them feel "hip" but not "condescending," so make sure you choose something that won't offend, but that can be used as swearing, and words that are positive, as well.

The seventh thing is to write a plot development. It should be ten pages long, single spaced, so that you can send it to an agent or editor who wants a plot summary. One exciting thing should happen in every chapter. Plan them out, so that they happen at a regular pace, and be sure to add in surprises that will be revealed along the way. But not too many. You want to wait for the climax for everything to come out. Don't worry about your character's motivations. The important thing is having things blow up or people die often enough that the reader will keep turning pages. Above all, don't bother with a lot of boring description. No one reads for that anymore, anyway.

The eighth thing is to write some good dialog. It doesn't matter who it belongs to. Just think up some quotable lines that could be used on the jacket to get readers to buy the book. Snappy comebacks and pop culture references are great. Make sure that you are funny. You can figure out how to embed these quotes later on.

And that's it. That's how to write a novel. Good luck, my friends! You are going to make a million dollars!