Mette Ivie Harrison's Blog, page 87
August 11, 2011
Wednesday Writing: Pressure and Creativity
When I was in college, we studied all the "great" writers. The idea of them being starving artists in ivory towers was not entirely false. A lot of great artists never made money at what they did, because they were on the edge of something new and it hadn't been accepted yet. Also, there wasn't an internet and it was much harder to find an audience or a publisher. Not that it's easy now, but I think the process is at least understood better. Writers were tortured then, and the theory seemed to be that this contributed to great art because it gave them a deeper understanding of the "human condition." Actually, I studied German writers, and talk about tortured. They had it down to, well, an art.
Commercial artists were not artists to be studied. There was very clearly a line drawn between artists who cared about art and artists who were in it to make money. On the one hand, academics were fascinated by working artists and were always asking them how they "made" it, there was also no respect for them. And little talk about the compromises that might be made between commerce and art. There are a lot of places in between a very crass commercial writer and a purely artistic one who doesn't let anyone see the work until death.
As someone who cares about both art and a viable commercial career, I am very much interested in the different niches that other people have found "between." I've had a couple of experiences with the sense that what I wanted to write was not what was going to be published. OK, I've had plenty of experience with that. I try not to let what the market wants affect my writing very much. I try to find a way to shape what I want to write into something that the market also wants. It's a tightrope walk, a delicate balance that for me, ends now and again with me on the ground, looking up at where I thought I was, and wondering which moment I took the misstep that felled me.
Creativity seems to be to do better when it has no pressure at all. This may sound like it is so obvious as not to need to be said, but there are times when creativity does need to be shaped. If you never make demands on your creativity, never force yourself to sit down and write something, then you aren't going to produce anything artistic in the first place. But when you are on deadline, I have found that loads of writers suddenly are inspired to write something completely different. Or when they are overwhelmed with other things in life, they feel a sudden need to write when they have no time.
Why does this happen? I think because the creativity is trying to escape the pressure and go elsewhere, to be free. That's the way it feels like creativity operates to me. You have to use it to have access to it, but it is a squirmy thing. Not unpredictable per se. I have found that setting a time for creativity does help channel it. And I do try to shape it as well. But not too much. There are also lots of times when I want the creativity to go away, when the voices in my head demand to be written down and I have to tell them I am working on something else that is paying the bills, thank you very much.
Another thing that happens to me is that I have creative bursts when I am on vacation or doing something completely different than sitting at my desk writing. I don't think this is because I am a creative genius. I think it's because I keep the line to creativity open often enough that I am used to it. And when I am not thinking about it directly, that is when it spills out. This is also probably one of the reasons that I fear vacations. In addition to coming home to a big pile of laundry and sometimes dishes and unloading for a few days, I also have creative baggage to unload. And that takes a lot longer.
I also know a lot of writers who truly experience writer's block, usually due to some physical or emotional catastrophe, divorce or drastic health problems. Sometimes this is because the pressure on creativity is increased, and nothing is surer to make it disappear than that. Part of the reason, perhaps, that great writers supposedly can't be commercial, because the pressure of commerce would ruin their art. I think the pressure of lots of things ruins art. The trick is figuring out how to live with pressure, but to keep the creative part unpressured. The real world is full of pressure that is unavoidable. But there are also writers like Dickens and Shakespeare who managed to write commercially and still be artistic successed, at least at times.
Commercial artists were not artists to be studied. There was very clearly a line drawn between artists who cared about art and artists who were in it to make money. On the one hand, academics were fascinated by working artists and were always asking them how they "made" it, there was also no respect for them. And little talk about the compromises that might be made between commerce and art. There are a lot of places in between a very crass commercial writer and a purely artistic one who doesn't let anyone see the work until death.
As someone who cares about both art and a viable commercial career, I am very much interested in the different niches that other people have found "between." I've had a couple of experiences with the sense that what I wanted to write was not what was going to be published. OK, I've had plenty of experience with that. I try not to let what the market wants affect my writing very much. I try to find a way to shape what I want to write into something that the market also wants. It's a tightrope walk, a delicate balance that for me, ends now and again with me on the ground, looking up at where I thought I was, and wondering which moment I took the misstep that felled me.
Creativity seems to be to do better when it has no pressure at all. This may sound like it is so obvious as not to need to be said, but there are times when creativity does need to be shaped. If you never make demands on your creativity, never force yourself to sit down and write something, then you aren't going to produce anything artistic in the first place. But when you are on deadline, I have found that loads of writers suddenly are inspired to write something completely different. Or when they are overwhelmed with other things in life, they feel a sudden need to write when they have no time.
Why does this happen? I think because the creativity is trying to escape the pressure and go elsewhere, to be free. That's the way it feels like creativity operates to me. You have to use it to have access to it, but it is a squirmy thing. Not unpredictable per se. I have found that setting a time for creativity does help channel it. And I do try to shape it as well. But not too much. There are also lots of times when I want the creativity to go away, when the voices in my head demand to be written down and I have to tell them I am working on something else that is paying the bills, thank you very much.
Another thing that happens to me is that I have creative bursts when I am on vacation or doing something completely different than sitting at my desk writing. I don't think this is because I am a creative genius. I think it's because I keep the line to creativity open often enough that I am used to it. And when I am not thinking about it directly, that is when it spills out. This is also probably one of the reasons that I fear vacations. In addition to coming home to a big pile of laundry and sometimes dishes and unloading for a few days, I also have creative baggage to unload. And that takes a lot longer.
I also know a lot of writers who truly experience writer's block, usually due to some physical or emotional catastrophe, divorce or drastic health problems. Sometimes this is because the pressure on creativity is increased, and nothing is surer to make it disappear than that. Part of the reason, perhaps, that great writers supposedly can't be commercial, because the pressure of commerce would ruin their art. I think the pressure of lots of things ruins art. The trick is figuring out how to live with pressure, but to keep the creative part unpressured. The real world is full of pressure that is unavoidable. But there are also writers like Dickens and Shakespeare who managed to write commercially and still be artistic successed, at least at times.
August 9, 2011
August is "poor" month
We have done LAWKI month for the last few years, living on food storage and whatever was left in refrigerator and freezers. This year, I thought it would be interesting to try something a little different. This has nothing to do with our financial situation. It is purely an exercise. While I know that pretending to be poor, knowing that there is plenty of money in the bank, is absolutely different than actually being poor and worrying every day where your next paycheck is going to come from, I still thought it would be a useful exercise for me and my kids.
Yes, I have been poor before. When I quit my job at the university and even a few years before that, we were very poor and lived on about $200 a month in groceries. We had a little help from WIC and from family, but it was hard. I still remember when I was able to afford to buy things like disposable diapers and Ziploc bags for sandwiches instead of the cheap fold over kind. Those are still two of the hallmarks of wealth to me now. I used to remember hearing people complain that they couldn't buy disposable diapers with food stamps and I did not have much sympathy. But it's been a long time now and my kids really don't remember being poor. Since the economy is so bad and so many people really are poor, I wanted them to have a glimpse. I will share a few of the experiences on a weekly basis.
I took all of the kids grocery shopping. Unlike during LAWKI month, when I only counted food as what we were not allowed to buy, the $250 budget for the month is to cover both food and groceries. I explained what I counted as groceries, essentially disposable household items. School clothes did not count. Yeah, I know, that makes it easier. Also, I have set aside another $200 for school supplies, which the kids are already complaining about.
We went to the store (Walmart) with a list and as usual, we realized a few things that weren't on the list that were necessities. One of the things my son the foodie (14) wanted was butter. I have in the past been a butter snob, but I took him over to the aisle and showed him that butter cost three times as much as margarine. He insisted he still wanted the butter because you just had to have butter to make good food. I pointed out to him that one pound of butter would cost over 1% of our monthly budget. Did he want to reconsider? The other kids were divided. 11 was on his side, wanting butter. The other kids thought that it was ridiculous to buy butter at that price. They argued for a while and eventually we bought 2 pounds of butter and one pound of margarine.
We also bought eggs and milk. And we went to a thrift store to buy bread. The white bread was 50 cents a load. The nice wheat bread was $1.50 a loaf, even at the thrift store. So we bought 20 loaves of cheap white bread, which I hate. This was a good lesson for me about how expensive it is to eat healthy food in America today. It makes no sense that more processed food is cheaper on one level, but the larger supply I guess is the reason and also the fact that it lasts longer and can be shipped more easily. We also bought some fruit that was on sale, including some smaller bananas (I figured the smaller ones cost last per each, and that's how we usually measure them at home), nectarines and peaches which are on right now, some salad and some tomatoes. Also 5 ears of fresh corn at 25 cents a piece.
What we couldn't afford: apples, green peppers, cucumbers, meat, cheese, cream, yogurt, any snacks that were store bought like chips or crackers or cookies, or chocolate chips. I told the kids I would go to Costco and buy some of those items at a cheaper price later in the month.
On to the non-food items. 14 needed contact lens solution. I told him to go and find some and bring it back, which he did. But he neglected to check the price. I pointed out that he had chosen a double pack and that he had picked the brand name. He insisted that he had to have the brand name because that was what the doctor had told him to buy. It was a prescription, and besides, he claimed, it wasn't a grocery because it was medicine. I told him that poor people have to live on a budget and that it didn't matter if they had to buy medicine or not. They still only had a certain amount of money to spend. He argued that they would have health insurance that would cover the expense. I had a good laugh at that and told him that poor people often have no health insurance. This was beyond his comprehension and he told me that when he was grown up, he would definitely have healthy insurance. And the kind that would pay for his contact lens solution.
15 also wanted some non-food items, including her expensive shampoo and conditioner, which keeps her damaged hair looking beautiful, and some new foundation and other makeup for school. I told her those things were simply not in the budget at all. She could use the regular Suave shampoo that the rest of us use and the Suave conditioner. She could not handle this. Her solution was to say that she would buy those items with her own money. This seemed reasonable to me. Poor kids might get jobs of their own to buy their own things. I did mention that they might also have to start buying food and contributing to other household expenses, like heat and electricity, but I didn't take it that far.
Yesterday I went to Costco to get cheese. I bought one pack of cheddar and one of mozzarella, figuring we could make a lot of pizzas and quesadillas. I also bought four packs of flour tortillas, a pack of bananas (larger ones). What I didn't buy: toilet paper, lunch meat, eggs, meat. I did buy some school lunch drinks. I also bought some chocolate chips and vanilla. I thought as I did so that if I were poor, I would not buy chocolate chips in 10 pound packages, no matter how inexpensive they were per pound because I would never have that much cash up front. I decided to buy cheaper toilet paper in smaller amounts for the same reason. And the vanilla was a splurge I shouldn't have made. Cheap vanillin would have to serve in any normal situation.
For dinner last night, we had quesadillas, home cooked pinto beans (cheap source of protein and iron), frozen corn. And we ran out of salsa. We also have already run through all of the fresh fruit that I bought three days ago. Luckily a friend of ours gave us some apricots from her tree. We appreciate the bruised, tiny fruit a lot more now. I made up some chocolate chip cookie dough using oil instead of butter or margarine (too expensive) and put it in the freezer to take out for snacks later since we can't afford any other snacks but what we make on our own.
I have now spent $150 of our $250 budget for the month and it is only the 9th. We'll see if we can make it through. We will be eating lots of beans and rice this month because well, they are cheap. It turns out that LAWKI month menu and poor month menu are not very different.
Yes, I have been poor before. When I quit my job at the university and even a few years before that, we were very poor and lived on about $200 a month in groceries. We had a little help from WIC and from family, but it was hard. I still remember when I was able to afford to buy things like disposable diapers and Ziploc bags for sandwiches instead of the cheap fold over kind. Those are still two of the hallmarks of wealth to me now. I used to remember hearing people complain that they couldn't buy disposable diapers with food stamps and I did not have much sympathy. But it's been a long time now and my kids really don't remember being poor. Since the economy is so bad and so many people really are poor, I wanted them to have a glimpse. I will share a few of the experiences on a weekly basis.
I took all of the kids grocery shopping. Unlike during LAWKI month, when I only counted food as what we were not allowed to buy, the $250 budget for the month is to cover both food and groceries. I explained what I counted as groceries, essentially disposable household items. School clothes did not count. Yeah, I know, that makes it easier. Also, I have set aside another $200 for school supplies, which the kids are already complaining about.
We went to the store (Walmart) with a list and as usual, we realized a few things that weren't on the list that were necessities. One of the things my son the foodie (14) wanted was butter. I have in the past been a butter snob, but I took him over to the aisle and showed him that butter cost three times as much as margarine. He insisted he still wanted the butter because you just had to have butter to make good food. I pointed out to him that one pound of butter would cost over 1% of our monthly budget. Did he want to reconsider? The other kids were divided. 11 was on his side, wanting butter. The other kids thought that it was ridiculous to buy butter at that price. They argued for a while and eventually we bought 2 pounds of butter and one pound of margarine.
We also bought eggs and milk. And we went to a thrift store to buy bread. The white bread was 50 cents a load. The nice wheat bread was $1.50 a loaf, even at the thrift store. So we bought 20 loaves of cheap white bread, which I hate. This was a good lesson for me about how expensive it is to eat healthy food in America today. It makes no sense that more processed food is cheaper on one level, but the larger supply I guess is the reason and also the fact that it lasts longer and can be shipped more easily. We also bought some fruit that was on sale, including some smaller bananas (I figured the smaller ones cost last per each, and that's how we usually measure them at home), nectarines and peaches which are on right now, some salad and some tomatoes. Also 5 ears of fresh corn at 25 cents a piece.
What we couldn't afford: apples, green peppers, cucumbers, meat, cheese, cream, yogurt, any snacks that were store bought like chips or crackers or cookies, or chocolate chips. I told the kids I would go to Costco and buy some of those items at a cheaper price later in the month.
On to the non-food items. 14 needed contact lens solution. I told him to go and find some and bring it back, which he did. But he neglected to check the price. I pointed out that he had chosen a double pack and that he had picked the brand name. He insisted that he had to have the brand name because that was what the doctor had told him to buy. It was a prescription, and besides, he claimed, it wasn't a grocery because it was medicine. I told him that poor people have to live on a budget and that it didn't matter if they had to buy medicine or not. They still only had a certain amount of money to spend. He argued that they would have health insurance that would cover the expense. I had a good laugh at that and told him that poor people often have no health insurance. This was beyond his comprehension and he told me that when he was grown up, he would definitely have healthy insurance. And the kind that would pay for his contact lens solution.
15 also wanted some non-food items, including her expensive shampoo and conditioner, which keeps her damaged hair looking beautiful, and some new foundation and other makeup for school. I told her those things were simply not in the budget at all. She could use the regular Suave shampoo that the rest of us use and the Suave conditioner. She could not handle this. Her solution was to say that she would buy those items with her own money. This seemed reasonable to me. Poor kids might get jobs of their own to buy their own things. I did mention that they might also have to start buying food and contributing to other household expenses, like heat and electricity, but I didn't take it that far.
Yesterday I went to Costco to get cheese. I bought one pack of cheddar and one of mozzarella, figuring we could make a lot of pizzas and quesadillas. I also bought four packs of flour tortillas, a pack of bananas (larger ones). What I didn't buy: toilet paper, lunch meat, eggs, meat. I did buy some school lunch drinks. I also bought some chocolate chips and vanilla. I thought as I did so that if I were poor, I would not buy chocolate chips in 10 pound packages, no matter how inexpensive they were per pound because I would never have that much cash up front. I decided to buy cheaper toilet paper in smaller amounts for the same reason. And the vanilla was a splurge I shouldn't have made. Cheap vanillin would have to serve in any normal situation.
For dinner last night, we had quesadillas, home cooked pinto beans (cheap source of protein and iron), frozen corn. And we ran out of salsa. We also have already run through all of the fresh fruit that I bought three days ago. Luckily a friend of ours gave us some apricots from her tree. We appreciate the bruised, tiny fruit a lot more now. I made up some chocolate chip cookie dough using oil instead of butter or margarine (too expensive) and put it in the freezer to take out for snacks later since we can't afford any other snacks but what we make on our own.
I have now spent $150 of our $250 budget for the month and it is only the 9th. We'll see if we can make it through. We will be eating lots of beans and rice this month because well, they are cheap. It turns out that LAWKI month menu and poor month menu are not very different.
August 8, 2011
Monday Book Recs--Princesses! and others
The False Princess by Eilis O'Neal
I write about princesses, though not the prissy, flooffy kind. I don't actually have anything against beautiful, strong princesses of the more standard variety, and that was what I was expecting when I opened this book. What happened instead was that this princess finds out that she isn't a princess at all. She's turned out of the castle with a small amount of pay for her services to the crown, essentially for taking the place of the princess while the endangered princess was in hiding, raised as an ordinary girl. What also surprised me was that the two princesses become friends. I had thought that the real princess would turn out to be selfish and rude. I like friendship stories with strong women and think they are lacking in YA, so this was great. A mild romance was also fun.
Princess for Hire by Lindsey Leavitt
This was a book that I had low expectations for, assuming that it would stereotypical characterization and plot about a floofy princess. But it's not about the princesses at all. It's about an ordinary girl who takes over for them when they are on holiday. And the princesses aren't what you expect, either. A lot of imagination went into this, and the characters are deep enough to make me interested in the sequel. Plus, it's fun enough that any kid looking for an easy read will love it, too. The best combination of all!
Jane by April Lindner
I was pretty skeptical about this retelling of Jane Eyre. I admit, I loved Jane Eyre when I was a teen, but it hasn't fared as well in rereadings as other novels have. The woman in the attic side story is code for something very odd in terms of women and their relationships with other women. The Blanche Ingram side story isn't any better. And Jane's relationship with St. John is at turns odd and cliched. But I thought this fresh retelling did a great job of keeping what was good and updating what needed updating. From one reteller to another, I applaud the effort.
The Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place by Maryrose Wood
This is a hilarious book about three kids who were raised by wolves and then go through a series of governesses attempting to civilize them. I wish I had the sense of humor necessary to write something like this. But there is a level of depth to it that interests me, as you would know if you've read my HOUND SAGA. I am fascinated by raised by wolves stories, and about thoughts on what makes humans different from animals and the same. Also by the fringes of humanity.
Plain Kate by Erin Bow
Wow, what a great story this was! It's dark and delicious fantasy set in a never-never medieval world of gypsies and traveling performers. But at heart, it's a story about a girl who has power and learns how to use it and what the price of it is. That makes it sound like a thousand other stories, but it's not at all. It has heart, and some gizzard in there, too.
I write about princesses, though not the prissy, flooffy kind. I don't actually have anything against beautiful, strong princesses of the more standard variety, and that was what I was expecting when I opened this book. What happened instead was that this princess finds out that she isn't a princess at all. She's turned out of the castle with a small amount of pay for her services to the crown, essentially for taking the place of the princess while the endangered princess was in hiding, raised as an ordinary girl. What also surprised me was that the two princesses become friends. I had thought that the real princess would turn out to be selfish and rude. I like friendship stories with strong women and think they are lacking in YA, so this was great. A mild romance was also fun.
Princess for Hire by Lindsey Leavitt
This was a book that I had low expectations for, assuming that it would stereotypical characterization and plot about a floofy princess. But it's not about the princesses at all. It's about an ordinary girl who takes over for them when they are on holiday. And the princesses aren't what you expect, either. A lot of imagination went into this, and the characters are deep enough to make me interested in the sequel. Plus, it's fun enough that any kid looking for an easy read will love it, too. The best combination of all!
Jane by April Lindner
I was pretty skeptical about this retelling of Jane Eyre. I admit, I loved Jane Eyre when I was a teen, but it hasn't fared as well in rereadings as other novels have. The woman in the attic side story is code for something very odd in terms of women and their relationships with other women. The Blanche Ingram side story isn't any better. And Jane's relationship with St. John is at turns odd and cliched. But I thought this fresh retelling did a great job of keeping what was good and updating what needed updating. From one reteller to another, I applaud the effort.
The Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place by Maryrose Wood
This is a hilarious book about three kids who were raised by wolves and then go through a series of governesses attempting to civilize them. I wish I had the sense of humor necessary to write something like this. But there is a level of depth to it that interests me, as you would know if you've read my HOUND SAGA. I am fascinated by raised by wolves stories, and about thoughts on what makes humans different from animals and the same. Also by the fringes of humanity.
Plain Kate by Erin Bow
Wow, what a great story this was! It's dark and delicious fantasy set in a never-never medieval world of gypsies and traveling performers. But at heart, it's a story about a girl who has power and learns how to use it and what the price of it is. That makes it sound like a thousand other stories, but it's not at all. It has heart, and some gizzard in there, too.
August 6, 2011
Race report Bountiful Tri 2011
This was a reverse triathlon, run, bike, swim, ending in a pool. The pool swim was in yards, and you swam up one length, went under the lane line, and swam down the next length. The run was supposed to be 5k, but I think was a little long. The bike was supposed to be about 11 miles, and I think it was about right. The swim was 350 yards. I actually prefer reverse triathlons to regular ones because when I am tired, I want to be in the water, and not running. Technique takes over there, and I have swim technique. Running is not as much technique (at least for me) as it is sheer, brute power.
I was doing the race with my kids and my husband, which makes it more fun because I have people to talk to about the race and people to see during the race. And of course, I like to encourage my family to do the healthy sport of triathlon. I'm not willing usually to go slow enough to stay with the kids or my husband, so as soon as we line up, I toe the line and they hang back and we wave if we see each other during the race, then I wait for them and cheer at the finish line. It's expensive to race this many people, and I don't ordinarily do this distance because I'm more naturally more suited to long courses. But maybe not, actually.
I let myself go a little easier on the run than I have been wont to do. This was partly because it isn't my A-race and I hadn't tapered much for it. It did allow me to do an interesting experiment, which was to see what happened if I hung back on the run to the rest of the race. What happened was that though I finished the run in fifth place, in 24:22, which is not my best 5k time. The course was long by the estimates of those with Garmin watches, but it was very flat. I got out of transition in my fastest time ever (:43). I struggled to get clipped into my bike, and I didn't push it on the first mile. A couple of guys passed me and I let them go.
But when I got into my rhythm, I really pushed it. I cranked down into my lowest gear and I was going about 25-26 miles an hour. I flew over the course, ended up getting stopped at a light at an intersection that wasn't controlled, and just kept pushing. There was a guy I kept chicking who fought back and tried to pass me three or four times, but I passed him back. At the turnaround, there was a long slight incline and I dropped to about 22 mph there. One by one, I caught every woman ahead of me, the last one at about mile 8. Then I just got into transition. Again, I had a great transition, getting out of my tri shorts, shoes and socks, and taking off my race belt, while putting on cap and goggles in under 45 seconds to run barefoot to the swim entry. I swam it in under 5:30, which is pretty darn good. When I got out of the pool at the end, I couldn't see any women anywhere, so I sat and waited until my competition came out three minutes later.
This is, to my recollection, the first time I have taken first overall in a race since I started triathlon about six years ago. I've taken first in my age group before. And I've taken second and third place overall on a few occasions in the last year, as I've gotten faster. But never first. So yeah me! I got a plaque and a gift certificate to a local bike shop. One of the women in my age group came up to me after the awards. She got first place in the age group and she told me she had turned to her husband, saying she knew it wasn't right because I was ahead of her. But then she realized I had won and she was really impressed. At our ancient age, that I could take first overall. That felt nice.
What was interesting about this to me it felt anti-climactic. My kids were decidedly uninterested, telling me they were sure I'd won first before. They didn't win. I made excuses in my head about the fact that the race was short, which doesn't tend to bring out the hard core triathletes. Plus it was a pool swim and reverse and there were lots of beginners there. My real competition didn't show up. So that means it doesn't count, right? And besides, I have a really nice bike, and I have lots of time to train and I've been doing this for a while.
Even though this was going on in my own head, I was reminded strongly of a conversation I had with my oldest, 17, in the car yesterday. We had been out shopping for school clothes and she was modestly explaining that she wasn't a very good swimmer. It is true that she didn't win races on the swim team, so I thought for a bit that she was comparing herself to hard core swimmers. But when I asked her to think of ANYTHING that she thought she did really well, there was a long silence in the car. I suggested that she was good at Calculus, since she got a 5 on the AP test. But she said that was last year. I asked if she was good at Physics. Or at computer programming, since she has a job getting paid a good amount of money and just went on a trip to a national conference to take the official test to be certified as a professional. But no, she wasn't good at any of those things, she said. She finally came up with "Sleeping." She thought she was a pretty good sleeper.
My mind boggled. Is this something she has absorbed from me? Probably it is. I think my parents were really invested in making sure that the kids in our family didn't brag about our natural intelligence, so they downplayed it. I appreciate the need to show your kids that getting good grades isn't the only important thing in life, but I think we actually became blind to an assessment of our real abilities. I don't know why 15 doesn't have this problem, but when she was little and we had her at a psychologist, he asked her who was the smartest kid in her class, and she said proudly that she was. He said that according to the tests she had taken, it was pretty likely that this was true, and that she actually had a very good grasp of what was reality. Yet sometimes it feels to me like she is bragging. She is very harsh when measuring other people according to her scale. She can also be harsh on herself.
I also took 7th place overall at this race. That means the only people who beat me were 6 guys, all younger than me. Three of them I let beat me because I didn't see any women near by and they were annoying me in their attempts to beat each other. I decided to hang back and let them smack each other in the water and I'd stay out of the fray. One of the guys got out next to me and nearly collapsed. I did really, really well. I am good at triathlon. I am going to say that again, so I believe it. I'm really good at triathlon. I'm an amateur, but I have a national ranking. I'm over 40 and I can wipe the floor with my younger competition. This is really cool. No wonder people remember this about me, when they think of my name. It is remarkable, and my story of being an unsuccessful swimmer in high school makes this even more so.
So now I am going to figure out what I should do for a celebration for this very cool accomplishment of mine. It is true that sometimes I defuse my anxiety about races by reminding myself that I am only racing against myself, that I have done the preparation, and I need to depend on the fact that I will do my best. It isn't my placement in the end that matters because I can't control other people. I don't know who will show up at the race and I can't beat all of them. Nonetheless, I control myself and I did awesome. I feel so weird saying that, like I need to qualify it and explain why I'm not bragging. Are people reading this going to be annoyed with me?
Three more races in the next six weeks to look forward to.
I was doing the race with my kids and my husband, which makes it more fun because I have people to talk to about the race and people to see during the race. And of course, I like to encourage my family to do the healthy sport of triathlon. I'm not willing usually to go slow enough to stay with the kids or my husband, so as soon as we line up, I toe the line and they hang back and we wave if we see each other during the race, then I wait for them and cheer at the finish line. It's expensive to race this many people, and I don't ordinarily do this distance because I'm more naturally more suited to long courses. But maybe not, actually.
I let myself go a little easier on the run than I have been wont to do. This was partly because it isn't my A-race and I hadn't tapered much for it. It did allow me to do an interesting experiment, which was to see what happened if I hung back on the run to the rest of the race. What happened was that though I finished the run in fifth place, in 24:22, which is not my best 5k time. The course was long by the estimates of those with Garmin watches, but it was very flat. I got out of transition in my fastest time ever (:43). I struggled to get clipped into my bike, and I didn't push it on the first mile. A couple of guys passed me and I let them go.
But when I got into my rhythm, I really pushed it. I cranked down into my lowest gear and I was going about 25-26 miles an hour. I flew over the course, ended up getting stopped at a light at an intersection that wasn't controlled, and just kept pushing. There was a guy I kept chicking who fought back and tried to pass me three or four times, but I passed him back. At the turnaround, there was a long slight incline and I dropped to about 22 mph there. One by one, I caught every woman ahead of me, the last one at about mile 8. Then I just got into transition. Again, I had a great transition, getting out of my tri shorts, shoes and socks, and taking off my race belt, while putting on cap and goggles in under 45 seconds to run barefoot to the swim entry. I swam it in under 5:30, which is pretty darn good. When I got out of the pool at the end, I couldn't see any women anywhere, so I sat and waited until my competition came out three minutes later.
This is, to my recollection, the first time I have taken first overall in a race since I started triathlon about six years ago. I've taken first in my age group before. And I've taken second and third place overall on a few occasions in the last year, as I've gotten faster. But never first. So yeah me! I got a plaque and a gift certificate to a local bike shop. One of the women in my age group came up to me after the awards. She got first place in the age group and she told me she had turned to her husband, saying she knew it wasn't right because I was ahead of her. But then she realized I had won and she was really impressed. At our ancient age, that I could take first overall. That felt nice.
What was interesting about this to me it felt anti-climactic. My kids were decidedly uninterested, telling me they were sure I'd won first before. They didn't win. I made excuses in my head about the fact that the race was short, which doesn't tend to bring out the hard core triathletes. Plus it was a pool swim and reverse and there were lots of beginners there. My real competition didn't show up. So that means it doesn't count, right? And besides, I have a really nice bike, and I have lots of time to train and I've been doing this for a while.
Even though this was going on in my own head, I was reminded strongly of a conversation I had with my oldest, 17, in the car yesterday. We had been out shopping for school clothes and she was modestly explaining that she wasn't a very good swimmer. It is true that she didn't win races on the swim team, so I thought for a bit that she was comparing herself to hard core swimmers. But when I asked her to think of ANYTHING that she thought she did really well, there was a long silence in the car. I suggested that she was good at Calculus, since she got a 5 on the AP test. But she said that was last year. I asked if she was good at Physics. Or at computer programming, since she has a job getting paid a good amount of money and just went on a trip to a national conference to take the official test to be certified as a professional. But no, she wasn't good at any of those things, she said. She finally came up with "Sleeping." She thought she was a pretty good sleeper.
My mind boggled. Is this something she has absorbed from me? Probably it is. I think my parents were really invested in making sure that the kids in our family didn't brag about our natural intelligence, so they downplayed it. I appreciate the need to show your kids that getting good grades isn't the only important thing in life, but I think we actually became blind to an assessment of our real abilities. I don't know why 15 doesn't have this problem, but when she was little and we had her at a psychologist, he asked her who was the smartest kid in her class, and she said proudly that she was. He said that according to the tests she had taken, it was pretty likely that this was true, and that she actually had a very good grasp of what was reality. Yet sometimes it feels to me like she is bragging. She is very harsh when measuring other people according to her scale. She can also be harsh on herself.
I also took 7th place overall at this race. That means the only people who beat me were 6 guys, all younger than me. Three of them I let beat me because I didn't see any women near by and they were annoying me in their attempts to beat each other. I decided to hang back and let them smack each other in the water and I'd stay out of the fray. One of the guys got out next to me and nearly collapsed. I did really, really well. I am good at triathlon. I am going to say that again, so I believe it. I'm really good at triathlon. I'm an amateur, but I have a national ranking. I'm over 40 and I can wipe the floor with my younger competition. This is really cool. No wonder people remember this about me, when they think of my name. It is remarkable, and my story of being an unsuccessful swimmer in high school makes this even more so.
So now I am going to figure out what I should do for a celebration for this very cool accomplishment of mine. It is true that sometimes I defuse my anxiety about races by reminding myself that I am only racing against myself, that I have done the preparation, and I need to depend on the fact that I will do my best. It isn't my placement in the end that matters because I can't control other people. I don't know who will show up at the race and I can't beat all of them. Nonetheless, I control myself and I did awesome. I feel so weird saying that, like I need to qualify it and explain why I'm not bragging. Are people reading this going to be annoyed with me?
Three more races in the next six weeks to look forward to.
August 5, 2011
Friday Tri: 8 Steps To Making Your Own Training Plan
1. To make your own training plan, you need to make up a calendar starting with the day of the race you are targeting. I honestly think that choosing a race is the best way to get in shape. It means you are investing money in a particular goal, and let's face it, we all use money as a mark of what we care about. I remember when I was taking piano lessons, I was aware of the fact that it was important for me to pay for the lessons. It was important for me to be accountable on a weekly basis for having practiced. If I didn't pay for that accountability, I simply wouldn't do it. And it was important for it to be embarrassing if I didn't practice, so there were regular recitals that I participated in. Those are like races. It's not about you thinking that you are going to become an athlete. It's just making a commitment with a time limit.
2. Whatever your race distance is, from 5k to an ultramarathon, you want to use your Saturday as a long day. If you have a race 10k or under, your Saturdays should actually be longer than your race distance. Yes, even if you are a beginner. But you should plan on your long day being at a very slow pace, about 2 minutes slower per mile for running than your actual race.
2. You need to figure out how many days a week you are training. I have done training plans for races up to Ironman distance or even 50 mile running races with only 4 days a week training about an hour a day on weekdays Monday Wednesday Friday and a Saturday long day. Be realistic about what you can do. My husband can't train five days a week. When I was doing Ironman training, I didn't train on Sundays. That's my holy day and even though all the training plans I ever saw had a Saturday/Sunday block, I didn't do it that way. If you can only do thirty minutes three days a week, make that your commitment, but do it. You can't train for an Ironman on that probably, but you might be able to manage a marathon if you were intense, regular, and you were serious about your Saturday runs. When I wrote myself training plans, part of the plan was an estimate of what time I would have to get up to finish the workout in time to help kids get off to school. Once a week, I woke up at 4, but most of the time it was more like 5 or 6. And I needed a couple of days a week to sleep in a bit. Build that in to your time table.
3. Figure out your peak week. For Ironman training, this is five weeks before the race day. For marathoners, it is 4 weeks before. For a 10k or 5k, I would say 2 weeks before. For an Olympic distance, tri, it is 3 weeks before. You get the idea. Your peak week should be close to your race distance for a marathon (about 22-3 miles). For an Ironman or a half, you may do a little more than race distance on the bike one day, and you will do a near full distance the second day. You can't fit Ironman distances into a single day of long training. You need two days back to back. For a short triathlon, you would ideally do at least the bike and run distance completely on your peak day. If you can manage it, try to add in a swim, as well, to give you a mock experience at how it feels to move from discipline to discipline. It's also great if you can do your mock race on the actual race venue. Or any time you can fit in a workout on the race venue, it really helps you mentally to anticipate what is coming on race day.
4. Plan out an ascending set of workouts that will lead you up to your peak week, adding no more than ten percent per week to your overall distance. That means if you start with one mile, it's going to take a while to move up to 20 miles. If it is more than four months until your peak week, you will need to plan in several down weeks, in which you build up for four to five weeks, then take it easy for a week, then begin to build again. I know, that's complicated. But you don't want to exhaust yourself by continually building for too long. For a lot of runners doing a marathon, they build up from 12 miles or so and add a mile a week to their long run.
5. Schedule your weekday workouts so that you have one day a week in which you do hard, speed work. Many people have 2 days a week for this, one for shorter intervals, one for a longer tempo workout. I'm getting old, so I can usually only manage one a week. If you're doing triathlon, make sure that at least one workout a week is a brick, that is, one in which you move from one discipline to the other seamlessly. You don't need to do a long swim workout in order to get the feeling of what it is like to get on the bike afterward, but you need to get used to doing that to succeed in transition. Do a short warmup and a short cool down if you need to save time, two to three minutes. Then do some intense work for thirty minutes to fifty minutes.
6. Schedule a taper after your peak week. Continue the same format as your earlier weeks, but cut ten to twenty percent each week total. Keep doing some hard workouts, but not for as long. The Saturday before your final race, you should still be doing about half of your regular workout, maybe a little less if you're doing something really long. The point here is that you don't want your muscles to forget what race intensity is, but you want them to be rested up. If you taper too much, you may end up with a not ideal race pace. Ask my husband. He made this mistake with our 50 mile run last year. He thought if he followed the schedule up to peak week, he didn't have to worry about the rest. This was a big mistake.
7. Plan some yoga into your schedule. If you can do even ten minutes twice a week, you will be able to count on fewer injuries. If you can't find a class, get a video at home and figure out some of the workouts, then do it in the evening or during a lunch break or whenever. It doesn't need to be connected to another workout.
8. Twenty minutes once a week doing some weight lifting or core routines with a ball is a great addition. I wouldn't call this mandatory, like I consider yoga, but I think it's a good idea. I tend to do less during racing season in the summer and more in the winter as it becomes less pleasant to be outside. Weight lifting is also a great way to lose weight if you are watching your calories closely. You don't feel as hungry after doing it, and your body can get nicely sculpted. But when you are doing intense weight training, cardio stuff tends to get left a little on the back burner. That's fine. Doing different cycles of training is a great way to keep things fresh.
2. Whatever your race distance is, from 5k to an ultramarathon, you want to use your Saturday as a long day. If you have a race 10k or under, your Saturdays should actually be longer than your race distance. Yes, even if you are a beginner. But you should plan on your long day being at a very slow pace, about 2 minutes slower per mile for running than your actual race.
2. You need to figure out how many days a week you are training. I have done training plans for races up to Ironman distance or even 50 mile running races with only 4 days a week training about an hour a day on weekdays Monday Wednesday Friday and a Saturday long day. Be realistic about what you can do. My husband can't train five days a week. When I was doing Ironman training, I didn't train on Sundays. That's my holy day and even though all the training plans I ever saw had a Saturday/Sunday block, I didn't do it that way. If you can only do thirty minutes three days a week, make that your commitment, but do it. You can't train for an Ironman on that probably, but you might be able to manage a marathon if you were intense, regular, and you were serious about your Saturday runs. When I wrote myself training plans, part of the plan was an estimate of what time I would have to get up to finish the workout in time to help kids get off to school. Once a week, I woke up at 4, but most of the time it was more like 5 or 6. And I needed a couple of days a week to sleep in a bit. Build that in to your time table.
3. Figure out your peak week. For Ironman training, this is five weeks before the race day. For marathoners, it is 4 weeks before. For a 10k or 5k, I would say 2 weeks before. For an Olympic distance, tri, it is 3 weeks before. You get the idea. Your peak week should be close to your race distance for a marathon (about 22-3 miles). For an Ironman or a half, you may do a little more than race distance on the bike one day, and you will do a near full distance the second day. You can't fit Ironman distances into a single day of long training. You need two days back to back. For a short triathlon, you would ideally do at least the bike and run distance completely on your peak day. If you can manage it, try to add in a swim, as well, to give you a mock experience at how it feels to move from discipline to discipline. It's also great if you can do your mock race on the actual race venue. Or any time you can fit in a workout on the race venue, it really helps you mentally to anticipate what is coming on race day.
4. Plan out an ascending set of workouts that will lead you up to your peak week, adding no more than ten percent per week to your overall distance. That means if you start with one mile, it's going to take a while to move up to 20 miles. If it is more than four months until your peak week, you will need to plan in several down weeks, in which you build up for four to five weeks, then take it easy for a week, then begin to build again. I know, that's complicated. But you don't want to exhaust yourself by continually building for too long. For a lot of runners doing a marathon, they build up from 12 miles or so and add a mile a week to their long run.
5. Schedule your weekday workouts so that you have one day a week in which you do hard, speed work. Many people have 2 days a week for this, one for shorter intervals, one for a longer tempo workout. I'm getting old, so I can usually only manage one a week. If you're doing triathlon, make sure that at least one workout a week is a brick, that is, one in which you move from one discipline to the other seamlessly. You don't need to do a long swim workout in order to get the feeling of what it is like to get on the bike afterward, but you need to get used to doing that to succeed in transition. Do a short warmup and a short cool down if you need to save time, two to three minutes. Then do some intense work for thirty minutes to fifty minutes.
6. Schedule a taper after your peak week. Continue the same format as your earlier weeks, but cut ten to twenty percent each week total. Keep doing some hard workouts, but not for as long. The Saturday before your final race, you should still be doing about half of your regular workout, maybe a little less if you're doing something really long. The point here is that you don't want your muscles to forget what race intensity is, but you want them to be rested up. If you taper too much, you may end up with a not ideal race pace. Ask my husband. He made this mistake with our 50 mile run last year. He thought if he followed the schedule up to peak week, he didn't have to worry about the rest. This was a big mistake.
7. Plan some yoga into your schedule. If you can do even ten minutes twice a week, you will be able to count on fewer injuries. If you can't find a class, get a video at home and figure out some of the workouts, then do it in the evening or during a lunch break or whenever. It doesn't need to be connected to another workout.
8. Twenty minutes once a week doing some weight lifting or core routines with a ball is a great addition. I wouldn't call this mandatory, like I consider yoga, but I think it's a good idea. I tend to do less during racing season in the summer and more in the winter as it becomes less pleasant to be outside. Weight lifting is also a great way to lose weight if you are watching your calories closely. You don't feel as hungry after doing it, and your body can get nicely sculpted. But when you are doing intense weight training, cardio stuff tends to get left a little on the back burner. That's fine. Doing different cycles of training is a great way to keep things fresh.
August 4, 2011
Thursday Quotes: Barrayar by Lois McMaster Bujold
This is one of my all time favorite books out of my all time favorite series. I recommend it to those I truly trust to have good taste in reading. It is one of those books that it can be painful to recommend to people when they don't like it. It makes me reevaluate my relationship with them, over a book, which I know sounds silly. Anyway, here are a few bits from the end:
Cordelia took in the tableau, that paused to look back up at her from around the polished table. Aral was in the center, of course. Illyan and Count Piotr flanked him on either side. Prime Minister Vortala was there, and Kanzian, and some other senior staffers all in formal dress greens. The two doublt-traitors sat across, with their aides. Clouds of witnesses. She wanted to be alone with Aral, be rid of the whole bloody mob of them. Soon.
Aral's eyes locked to hers in silent agony. His lips curled in an utterly ironic smile. That was all; and yet her stomach warmed with confidence again, sure of him. No frost. It was going to be all right. They were in step again, and a torrent of words and hard embraces could not have communicated it any better. Embraces would come, though, they grey eyes promised. Her own lips curved up for the first time since--when?
Count Piotr's hand slapped down hard on the table. "Good God, woman, where have you been?" he cried furiously.
A morbid lunacy overtook her. She smiled fiercely at him, and held up the bag. "Shopping."
For a second, the old man nearly believed her, conflicting expressions whiplashed over his face, astonished, disbelief, then anger as it penetrated he was being mocked.
"Want to see what I bought?" Cordelia continued, still floating. She yanked the bag's top open, and rolled Vordarian's head out across the table. Fortunately, it had ceased leaking some hours back. It stopped face up before him, lips grinning, drying eyes staring.
Piotr's moiuth fell open. Kanzian jumped, the staffers swore, and one of Vordarian's traitors actually fell out of his chair, recoiling. Vortala pursed his lips and raised his brows. Koudelka, grimly proud of his role in stage-managing this historic moment in one upsmanship, laid the swordstick on the table as further evidence. Illyan puffed, and grinned triumphantly through his shock.
Aral was perfect. His eyes widened only briefly, then he rested his chin on his hands and gazed over his father's shoulder with an expression of cool interest. "But of course," he breathed. "Every Vor lady goes to the capital to shop."
"I paid too much for it," Cordelia confessed.
"That, too, is traditional." A sardonic smile quirked his lips.
I was talking to a friend last night about a book he'd read (a .99 ebook from Amazon) that he thought was possibly the worst book ever. The problem wasn't that the book didn't have enough going on. It's that it had no sense of how to pace. There was action, action, action. A whole series of plot in ten pages. But none of the reaction and personal touches. I think it's a good lesson to remember, that less is often more.
In this scene, I think there is a perfect example of how to do romance. I love romance, but I often think that when the book is purely romance, I get bored. It's when the romance is understated, as it is here, the most important piece, but the writer allows the reader to imagine the bulk of it, that it works best.
If I were to have any complaint about this? It's the word "breathed." Reminds me of category romance and my rants on said-bookism. But it still works here.
I also think that for me, Bujold is the kind of genius who makes her characters so real that they continue to live in my head. Now and again, I think--Cordelia would say this. Or I remember that Aral whispers when he is angry and I consider using that strategy. Or I wonder if Cordelia were the mother of my child, would she do this?
Cordelia took in the tableau, that paused to look back up at her from around the polished table. Aral was in the center, of course. Illyan and Count Piotr flanked him on either side. Prime Minister Vortala was there, and Kanzian, and some other senior staffers all in formal dress greens. The two doublt-traitors sat across, with their aides. Clouds of witnesses. She wanted to be alone with Aral, be rid of the whole bloody mob of them. Soon.
Aral's eyes locked to hers in silent agony. His lips curled in an utterly ironic smile. That was all; and yet her stomach warmed with confidence again, sure of him. No frost. It was going to be all right. They were in step again, and a torrent of words and hard embraces could not have communicated it any better. Embraces would come, though, they grey eyes promised. Her own lips curved up for the first time since--when?
Count Piotr's hand slapped down hard on the table. "Good God, woman, where have you been?" he cried furiously.
A morbid lunacy overtook her. She smiled fiercely at him, and held up the bag. "Shopping."
For a second, the old man nearly believed her, conflicting expressions whiplashed over his face, astonished, disbelief, then anger as it penetrated he was being mocked.
"Want to see what I bought?" Cordelia continued, still floating. She yanked the bag's top open, and rolled Vordarian's head out across the table. Fortunately, it had ceased leaking some hours back. It stopped face up before him, lips grinning, drying eyes staring.
Piotr's moiuth fell open. Kanzian jumped, the staffers swore, and one of Vordarian's traitors actually fell out of his chair, recoiling. Vortala pursed his lips and raised his brows. Koudelka, grimly proud of his role in stage-managing this historic moment in one upsmanship, laid the swordstick on the table as further evidence. Illyan puffed, and grinned triumphantly through his shock.
Aral was perfect. His eyes widened only briefly, then he rested his chin on his hands and gazed over his father's shoulder with an expression of cool interest. "But of course," he breathed. "Every Vor lady goes to the capital to shop."
"I paid too much for it," Cordelia confessed.
"That, too, is traditional." A sardonic smile quirked his lips.
I was talking to a friend last night about a book he'd read (a .99 ebook from Amazon) that he thought was possibly the worst book ever. The problem wasn't that the book didn't have enough going on. It's that it had no sense of how to pace. There was action, action, action. A whole series of plot in ten pages. But none of the reaction and personal touches. I think it's a good lesson to remember, that less is often more.
In this scene, I think there is a perfect example of how to do romance. I love romance, but I often think that when the book is purely romance, I get bored. It's when the romance is understated, as it is here, the most important piece, but the writer allows the reader to imagine the bulk of it, that it works best.
If I were to have any complaint about this? It's the word "breathed." Reminds me of category romance and my rants on said-bookism. But it still works here.
I also think that for me, Bujold is the kind of genius who makes her characters so real that they continue to live in my head. Now and again, I think--Cordelia would say this. Or I remember that Aral whispers when he is angry and I consider using that strategy. Or I wonder if Cordelia were the mother of my child, would she do this?
August 3, 2011
Wednesday Writing: What We Control
First, I am linking to a great incapsulation of a discussion on "why we write" that I had at our annual agency retreat with Liz Braswell and a couple other writers:
http://lizbraswell.livejournal.com/104044.html
Then, I thought I would share an absolutely mind-blowing strategy that comes at least partly from Tobias Buckell, who was also at the retreat. I wanted a discussion about how to deal with anxiety. I think everyone at the retreat heard me talk about anxiety at least a hundred times in the three days we were there. I actually think my anxieties have gotten worse with more success as a writer, which was not at all what I expected to happen. But it's possible that they haven't gotten worse, only that I have learned to identify them more clearly.
One of the primary ways that we talked about to deal with anxiety in general was to find ways in which we as writers have control of what we do. I think when we Americans write down goals, we tend to write down goals about things that we have no control over. For instance, when I was in elementary school and even into high school, I had a yearly goal to publish a novel. It never happened. It wasn't that I wasn't writing. Some years I was, and some years I wasn't. I just had no idea what goals really were. I think mostly they turned out to be wishes, things I wanted to have happen to me.
As an adult, I wanted to be published, too, but I stopped making yearly lists of goals because it was simply too painful to look back on them at the end of the year and realize how few of the goals had been met. You can't really control when you get published as a beginning writer. There is too much luck involved in that particular moment. You can only control how many hours you sit in your chair. Possibly, you can control how many words you are able to produce. You can control how little television you watch. You can control how healthy you keep yourself. You can control what you do with off time. You can control how many conferences you go to.
You can control being a jerk in public or relationships with people in publishing. I suppose that can have an effect on our sales, though it's sort of sideways. And you can control how many times you actually send a manuscript in to get a chance at being either accepted or rejected.
I hate being rejected. Everyone does. So the main thing I've done as a published author is let my agent be in charge of my rejections. I don't really want to hear about them. I don't push the issue. I tend to submit to editors I already know, where the chance of a rejection is smaller and particularly the chance of a painful rejection. Ultimately, this is one of the worst strategies in the world for publication because as Tobias pointed out, many, many award-winning stories are rejected over and over again. I think he cited one that was rejected 40 times. A magazine story. I'm pretty sure I don't even know of 40 magazines to get rejected from. Instead of making a goal about being published, which you have no control over, your goal as a writer has to be about collecting rejections.
That's right. You should set a goal to be rejected a lot. Hundreds of times. Every year.
You can't be accepted unless you are willing to put yourself out to be rejected. You have no way of knowing who will love your story or your novel unless you keep sending it around. Of course, there are times when you will realize that your story isn't ready to be sent out, and that is somewhat embarrassing. But all you can do then is take it out of circulation, fix it, and send it out again. And keep sending out the others. This is what you have control over as a writer.
More things we have no control over as writers: our sales numbers, reviews, movie deals, book covers, the publishing house's marketing decisions, editors who leave the business, and so on. Lots and lots of things. It is important to accept that we don't have control over any of it. I also think it's important to remind ourselves (and others) that we can't take credit for these things, either. We sit down and we write. We send it out. That's all we can do. The rest is up to the fates.
I think letting go of the things we don't have control over is an equally important part of dealing with anxiety as seeing what we do have control over. And now, I need to work on getting more rejections. My new goal: get 100 rejections before the end of the year. Now, that is ambitious. And completely within my control.
http://lizbraswell.livejournal.com/104044.html
Then, I thought I would share an absolutely mind-blowing strategy that comes at least partly from Tobias Buckell, who was also at the retreat. I wanted a discussion about how to deal with anxiety. I think everyone at the retreat heard me talk about anxiety at least a hundred times in the three days we were there. I actually think my anxieties have gotten worse with more success as a writer, which was not at all what I expected to happen. But it's possible that they haven't gotten worse, only that I have learned to identify them more clearly.
One of the primary ways that we talked about to deal with anxiety in general was to find ways in which we as writers have control of what we do. I think when we Americans write down goals, we tend to write down goals about things that we have no control over. For instance, when I was in elementary school and even into high school, I had a yearly goal to publish a novel. It never happened. It wasn't that I wasn't writing. Some years I was, and some years I wasn't. I just had no idea what goals really were. I think mostly they turned out to be wishes, things I wanted to have happen to me.
As an adult, I wanted to be published, too, but I stopped making yearly lists of goals because it was simply too painful to look back on them at the end of the year and realize how few of the goals had been met. You can't really control when you get published as a beginning writer. There is too much luck involved in that particular moment. You can only control how many hours you sit in your chair. Possibly, you can control how many words you are able to produce. You can control how little television you watch. You can control how healthy you keep yourself. You can control what you do with off time. You can control how many conferences you go to.
You can control being a jerk in public or relationships with people in publishing. I suppose that can have an effect on our sales, though it's sort of sideways. And you can control how many times you actually send a manuscript in to get a chance at being either accepted or rejected.
I hate being rejected. Everyone does. So the main thing I've done as a published author is let my agent be in charge of my rejections. I don't really want to hear about them. I don't push the issue. I tend to submit to editors I already know, where the chance of a rejection is smaller and particularly the chance of a painful rejection. Ultimately, this is one of the worst strategies in the world for publication because as Tobias pointed out, many, many award-winning stories are rejected over and over again. I think he cited one that was rejected 40 times. A magazine story. I'm pretty sure I don't even know of 40 magazines to get rejected from. Instead of making a goal about being published, which you have no control over, your goal as a writer has to be about collecting rejections.
That's right. You should set a goal to be rejected a lot. Hundreds of times. Every year.
You can't be accepted unless you are willing to put yourself out to be rejected. You have no way of knowing who will love your story or your novel unless you keep sending it around. Of course, there are times when you will realize that your story isn't ready to be sent out, and that is somewhat embarrassing. But all you can do then is take it out of circulation, fix it, and send it out again. And keep sending out the others. This is what you have control over as a writer.
More things we have no control over as writers: our sales numbers, reviews, movie deals, book covers, the publishing house's marketing decisions, editors who leave the business, and so on. Lots and lots of things. It is important to accept that we don't have control over any of it. I also think it's important to remind ourselves (and others) that we can't take credit for these things, either. We sit down and we write. We send it out. That's all we can do. The rest is up to the fates.
I think letting go of the things we don't have control over is an equally important part of dealing with anxiety as seeing what we do have control over. And now, I need to work on getting more rejections. My new goal: get 100 rejections before the end of the year. Now, that is ambitious. And completely within my control.
August 2, 2011
PURPLE crying and how to listen to your baby
November is National Child Abuse Awareness Month. My local church is knitting/crocheting little purple hats to donate to hospitals in Utah so that every child born in the month will get a hat. The hats are purple to remind parents about PURPLE crying, which is a normal period of crying that can't be stopped. (This used to be called colic when I was a new parent.) Anyway, I am working hard on hats (about 8 finished) and had a long conversation with my kids about babies and how to deal with them.
I certainly had babies that cried, but my husband and I are pretty good about figuring out "baby speak." I used to say my husband had "Daddy magic" because he could put a baby to sleep anywhere. He seemed to understand just how tightly a baby wanted to be held. At our high school reunion I remember him noticing a baby crying, going over to the father and asking him if he could hold the baby. In two minutes, the baby was asleep. The father sat and listened to my husband talk about how to hold a baby for another twenty minutes, since clearly he was in the presence of a master.
At one point, my husband and I made up a list of reasons that babies cry. My kids seemed to think it was very helpful and amusing, so I thought I would share it here. The items are listed in order of frequency.
1. Hungry
2. Sleepy
3. Needs to be changed
4. Uncomfortable
5. Cold
6. Wants to be held/swaddled
7. Bored (wants to be played with)
8. Can't see properly (wants to be held facing out)
9. Needs to suck (pacifier or other object like keys)
10. Wants to be naked (you'd be surprised how many times taking off all clothes made a baby stop crying)
11. Is hitting him/herself
12. Wants music/to be danced with
13. Wants to lie in the middle of the bed between two parents
14. Wants a different TV station on
15. Wants to feed him/herself
16. Wants to play with object parent is using
17. Wants whatever object sibling or friend is playing with
18. Wants full attention of parent
19. Wants book/story
20. Hates only toy currently available
I had some very easy babies and some difficult babies. Surprisingly, the ease of babyhood has nothing to do with the ease of childhood or teenagehood. My two easiest babies are also my most social, daring kids. My difficult babies were cautious, obedient kids. And my teens, well, my teens are actually really fun. I don't have difficult teens.
One of the most important principles of being a good parent is accepting that children are people. They have their own interests, needs, and wants and this is true from the moment they are born. It may be true in utero, though I don't think I ever considered the idea useful while pregnant. The idea that we "mold" our children is pretty foreign to me. We give them tips about how to live, yes. But we do that with other adults. We set boundaries for them and we need to be vigilant about maintaining them. But this is also true for other adults. The main difference is that children are dependent on us for food and shelter and love, which isn't true of other adults. (Well, most of the time.)
Listening to your baby is good practice for listening to children and teens. It's also a good strategy for getting along with people in the world in general. You don't always have to do what is being demanded, but it's useful to know what it is, and to communicate clearly.
Basic parenting involves preparing food and keeping children warm and safe. If you do that, you are actually ahead of the game. Most abuse is on this level.
Advanced parenting is when you can comfort children, advise them, and help them figure out what it is they are uniquely good at. Once you've found that, a really great parent uses resources to direct a kid toward opportunities and other people who can expand on that beginning. This involves money and driving and time. Great parents also teach kids how to get along with others, but a lot of that is done by example.
I certainly had babies that cried, but my husband and I are pretty good about figuring out "baby speak." I used to say my husband had "Daddy magic" because he could put a baby to sleep anywhere. He seemed to understand just how tightly a baby wanted to be held. At our high school reunion I remember him noticing a baby crying, going over to the father and asking him if he could hold the baby. In two minutes, the baby was asleep. The father sat and listened to my husband talk about how to hold a baby for another twenty minutes, since clearly he was in the presence of a master.
At one point, my husband and I made up a list of reasons that babies cry. My kids seemed to think it was very helpful and amusing, so I thought I would share it here. The items are listed in order of frequency.
1. Hungry
2. Sleepy
3. Needs to be changed
4. Uncomfortable
5. Cold
6. Wants to be held/swaddled
7. Bored (wants to be played with)
8. Can't see properly (wants to be held facing out)
9. Needs to suck (pacifier or other object like keys)
10. Wants to be naked (you'd be surprised how many times taking off all clothes made a baby stop crying)
11. Is hitting him/herself
12. Wants music/to be danced with
13. Wants to lie in the middle of the bed between two parents
14. Wants a different TV station on
15. Wants to feed him/herself
16. Wants to play with object parent is using
17. Wants whatever object sibling or friend is playing with
18. Wants full attention of parent
19. Wants book/story
20. Hates only toy currently available
I had some very easy babies and some difficult babies. Surprisingly, the ease of babyhood has nothing to do with the ease of childhood or teenagehood. My two easiest babies are also my most social, daring kids. My difficult babies were cautious, obedient kids. And my teens, well, my teens are actually really fun. I don't have difficult teens.
One of the most important principles of being a good parent is accepting that children are people. They have their own interests, needs, and wants and this is true from the moment they are born. It may be true in utero, though I don't think I ever considered the idea useful while pregnant. The idea that we "mold" our children is pretty foreign to me. We give them tips about how to live, yes. But we do that with other adults. We set boundaries for them and we need to be vigilant about maintaining them. But this is also true for other adults. The main difference is that children are dependent on us for food and shelter and love, which isn't true of other adults. (Well, most of the time.)
Listening to your baby is good practice for listening to children and teens. It's also a good strategy for getting along with people in the world in general. You don't always have to do what is being demanded, but it's useful to know what it is, and to communicate clearly.
Basic parenting involves preparing food and keeping children warm and safe. If you do that, you are actually ahead of the game. Most abuse is on this level.
Advanced parenting is when you can comfort children, advise them, and help them figure out what it is they are uniquely good at. Once you've found that, a really great parent uses resources to direct a kid toward opportunities and other people who can expand on that beginning. This involves money and driving and time. Great parents also teach kids how to get along with others, but a lot of that is done by example.
August 1, 2011
Monday Book Recs--Telgemeier, Brennan, Burgis, Wood
Smile by Raina Telgemeier
This is a graphic novel about getting braces. Doesn't sound deliciously impossible to put down, does it? But it is. It starts with a girl who has to get braces and isn't excited about it. But on the other hand, getting braces is part of being an American teenager, and she is just starting middle school. And then things get worse, as they always do in novels, right? She is running down the street, falls, and knocks her front teeth out. The graphic novel format and the skill of Telgemeier are perfect for showing what each step in the reconstruction is like on the outside and the inside. The tone of this book is so perfect for middle grade kids and I immediately recommended it to all my braces-wearing kids. I will say, though, that I have begun to wonder more and more about the American obsession with perfect teeth. Why is this acceptable when plastic surgery is not?
The Demon's Surrender by Sarah Rees Brennan
I love, LOVE, LOVE this series. But I don't know any other writer who could make me care about demons so much. At first, it's just Nick. But I actually found myself caring about his demon friends in this final volume in the series. How does Sarah do that? I wasn't sure if I would be annoyed by the change in pov character in each of the books, but honestly, it didn't once make me pause and wonder why she made this choice. I loved Sin in this book (love that name, right?) and I honestly think this is the best new series in YA since, well, Holly Black's Tithe. Telling the plot would really only ruin things, so I will only say that the love triangles in this book make me cheer, and that is really saying something!
Kat, Incorrigible by Stephanie Burgis
I read this earlier this year, but haven't been able to stop thinking about how great this series is. It's so fun. And really, don't we all need more fun? It's set in a Regency England and has plenty of tips of the hat to Jane Austen, but it's not derivative at all. I love Kat as a character and of course, I must agree that adding Highwaymen to this was genius. It made me smile and then laugh out loud. I think Stephanie is a genius and can't wait to read the next book. I bought three copies of this so I could pass it around to people I know.
The Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place by Maryrose Wood
Amy, this book will make Christopher howl. And you, too! And any other reader, adult or child. This is a great read a loud. It's about children who were raised by wolves and who have a new governess who has been hired to civilize them. It's a send up of all the governness stories you have ever read with a narrator who talks directly to you tongue in cheek. And it just gets funnier and funnier as it goes along. Genius.
This is a graphic novel about getting braces. Doesn't sound deliciously impossible to put down, does it? But it is. It starts with a girl who has to get braces and isn't excited about it. But on the other hand, getting braces is part of being an American teenager, and she is just starting middle school. And then things get worse, as they always do in novels, right? She is running down the street, falls, and knocks her front teeth out. The graphic novel format and the skill of Telgemeier are perfect for showing what each step in the reconstruction is like on the outside and the inside. The tone of this book is so perfect for middle grade kids and I immediately recommended it to all my braces-wearing kids. I will say, though, that I have begun to wonder more and more about the American obsession with perfect teeth. Why is this acceptable when plastic surgery is not?
The Demon's Surrender by Sarah Rees Brennan
I love, LOVE, LOVE this series. But I don't know any other writer who could make me care about demons so much. At first, it's just Nick. But I actually found myself caring about his demon friends in this final volume in the series. How does Sarah do that? I wasn't sure if I would be annoyed by the change in pov character in each of the books, but honestly, it didn't once make me pause and wonder why she made this choice. I loved Sin in this book (love that name, right?) and I honestly think this is the best new series in YA since, well, Holly Black's Tithe. Telling the plot would really only ruin things, so I will only say that the love triangles in this book make me cheer, and that is really saying something!
Kat, Incorrigible by Stephanie Burgis
I read this earlier this year, but haven't been able to stop thinking about how great this series is. It's so fun. And really, don't we all need more fun? It's set in a Regency England and has plenty of tips of the hat to Jane Austen, but it's not derivative at all. I love Kat as a character and of course, I must agree that adding Highwaymen to this was genius. It made me smile and then laugh out loud. I think Stephanie is a genius and can't wait to read the next book. I bought three copies of this so I could pass it around to people I know.
The Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place by Maryrose Wood
Amy, this book will make Christopher howl. And you, too! And any other reader, adult or child. This is a great read a loud. It's about children who were raised by wolves and who have a new governess who has been hired to civilize them. It's a send up of all the governness stories you have ever read with a narrator who talks directly to you tongue in cheek. And it just gets funnier and funnier as it goes along. Genius.
July 27, 2011
Writing Wednesday: What is voice?
I was talking to a writer friend recently who was frustrated because she was getting comments back from a reader to change her descriptions and her style on a sentence by sentence basis. This was not a reader in the industry, just someone who liked books. And while I wouldn't say that the opinion didn't matter at all, I didn't think it was great advice to go around adding a bunch of adjectives with the idea that it would make the writing "richer" in some way.
I told the friend that the problem with readers who make comments on a sentence level is that they are messing with her voice. I do take suggestions on voice, but at this point, it is only when my editor who has made an offer on a manuscript or seems likely to make an offer, makes the suggestion. And even then, I do it cautiously. I'm not trying to be a diva or anything. I just have become chary about messing with my natural voice. Voice is the thing that sells a manuscript above all else. It's the thing that sets my manuscript apart from any other manuscript that has ever been sold. If a writer has a voice at all, that is something to be prized, not erased.
So what is voice? One way to describe is, as I said above, the thing that makes your style unique, that makes the reader say, when reading a first line--this is a manuscript by Mette Ivie Harrison. I've also been known to say that voice is the mistakes you make on purpose when you write. I think I'm a good enough student of language that I know what I am doing when I make word choices. I don't always use proper grammar. I made a choice a long time ago that I didn't want to stand out in that way in my speech, and so I purposely used more casual speech. It did get me in trouble with college professors a couple of times who thought that I didn't know what I was doing. When I write, I can use a variety of styles, an elevated college professor with lots of long words and long sentences, but I can also write like a five year old, and anything in between.
I think that voice also extends to other choices in the manuscript. Voice is my subject matter. Voice is the way that my plot unfolds. Voice is the balance of dialog and description I use in my books. Voice is the way that my villains are presented, and my heroes, as a certain mix of good and bad. Voice is the way I talk about men and women and the relationship between them. Voice is the kind of magic system that I employ, rule bound or not, magic as a metaphor or not. Voice is what I can't stop doing if I tried. But voice is also what I give up if a delicate balance of me feeling in charge of my own manuscript is given up. It's happened to me all too often, that I let critique groups or editors take charge of my manuscript and it loses my voice. I don't do it on purpose, and I'm not saying you should ignore critiques. But be careful that you keep your voice. That's the one thing that you are really selling. It's you, no matter how much distance we writers try to pretend is between us and the manuscript. That voice is yours.
BTW, this is a great post by Harry Connolly on 10 things writers shouldn't do, including a great point about "brand": http://www.harryjconnolly.com/blog/?p=5083
I told the friend that the problem with readers who make comments on a sentence level is that they are messing with her voice. I do take suggestions on voice, but at this point, it is only when my editor who has made an offer on a manuscript or seems likely to make an offer, makes the suggestion. And even then, I do it cautiously. I'm not trying to be a diva or anything. I just have become chary about messing with my natural voice. Voice is the thing that sells a manuscript above all else. It's the thing that sets my manuscript apart from any other manuscript that has ever been sold. If a writer has a voice at all, that is something to be prized, not erased.
So what is voice? One way to describe is, as I said above, the thing that makes your style unique, that makes the reader say, when reading a first line--this is a manuscript by Mette Ivie Harrison. I've also been known to say that voice is the mistakes you make on purpose when you write. I think I'm a good enough student of language that I know what I am doing when I make word choices. I don't always use proper grammar. I made a choice a long time ago that I didn't want to stand out in that way in my speech, and so I purposely used more casual speech. It did get me in trouble with college professors a couple of times who thought that I didn't know what I was doing. When I write, I can use a variety of styles, an elevated college professor with lots of long words and long sentences, but I can also write like a five year old, and anything in between.
I think that voice also extends to other choices in the manuscript. Voice is my subject matter. Voice is the way that my plot unfolds. Voice is the balance of dialog and description I use in my books. Voice is the way that my villains are presented, and my heroes, as a certain mix of good and bad. Voice is the way I talk about men and women and the relationship between them. Voice is the kind of magic system that I employ, rule bound or not, magic as a metaphor or not. Voice is what I can't stop doing if I tried. But voice is also what I give up if a delicate balance of me feeling in charge of my own manuscript is given up. It's happened to me all too often, that I let critique groups or editors take charge of my manuscript and it loses my voice. I don't do it on purpose, and I'm not saying you should ignore critiques. But be careful that you keep your voice. That's the one thing that you are really selling. It's you, no matter how much distance we writers try to pretend is between us and the manuscript. That voice is yours.
BTW, this is a great post by Harry Connolly on 10 things writers shouldn't do, including a great point about "brand": http://www.harryjconnolly.com/blog/?p=5083
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