Just do one small thing

Sometimes when I stare at my kitchen (especially after the kids have been cooking), I feel utter despair. There is so much to do and I just don't know if I have the commitment to get it done. And besides, it feels like it wasn't my fault to begin with and even if I'm the grown up who has the responsibility to fix it, I want to run away and hide and do anything but be in the kitchen with the mess.

And then I force myself to stay just long enough to get one load of dishes in the dishwasher. Just one load. Yes, sometimes I feel encouraged and do more than that. But a lot of the time I just get in one load and then I allow myself to flee the kitchen. Then, when I come back the next time, I feel like I can do one more thing, like the dishes that have to be hand washed, or cleaning off counters. And then by the time it is dinner time, I can stand to go into the kitchen and actually cook.

I think this is actually a lot like writing a novel. Or revising a novel. It feels easy when you get started, when the novel is just this small idea that you are playing with. It feels exciting as long as you are in control of it. And then you cross this barrier, or you realize that you are falling and no longer sliding down the hill, and there is just too much. All you want to do is run away and hide. You can't possibly deal with a problem that big.

The only way to deal with this problem is to do smaller chunks of it day by day until it seems more manageable again. But it's a mental trick, telling yourself that you only have to deal with this small piece of it for now. Sometimes that means only writing the scene that you know is coming. Sometimes it means dealing with a problem as small as a global name change. Or cutting out the parts you know have to go. Doing those things may feel like they don't really matter, like they're not really helping the bigger problem. But then, surprisingly, they do.

I don't know if it's because you're warmed up and you can keep going or it is because you have gotten over some mental barrier or if it's really because changing the way you look at it makes it truly easier, but this works. So if you are stuck on a novel that seems too big for you, only fix one little thing today. And one little thing tomorrow. Maybe only think about how to fix something. Maybe only read through one page today and makes notes. Do something, but don't commit to the whole thing. I understand commitment phobia. My poor novels. I am so faithless to them sometimes.

And then the sound of the dishwasher is overhead, and I feel good again.