Barb Winters's Blog, page 3

Benefits of Parenting with Gratitude

“The root of joy is gratefulness… It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” ― Brother David Steindl-Rast[i]

Parenting is fulfilling. But it’s also relentless, scary, and full of disappointments. Days are long. Tasks are repetitive. Problems are nonstop. If we’re not careful, months pass without a pleasant thought, and our mental health spirals. Add a child who makes unhealthy choices, and we can collapse into a trance-like state pretty quickly. We squash our lofty goals into one: simply making it through each day.

Several years ago, I read One Thousand Gifts. I learned the power of thankfulness. On a dare, the author, Ann Voskamp, began a Gift List. Not of gifts she wanted, but of gifts she already had. And it transformed her life. She learned that deep joy is “found at the table of thanksgiving.”[ii] Over time, Voskamp wrote one thousand gifts she saw or experienced, and joy replaced despair.

With the Month of Gratitude at hand, let’s explore how we can demonstrate a thankful attitude, even during the sometimes difficult task of parenting. Then we’ll explore benefits of parenting with gratitude.

Tips to an Attitude of Gratitude

Observe – I’m learning to lift my eyes and look around. To peek over problems and look beyond the immediate issue. When my printer breaks down, I’m thankful to own a printer. When I’m interrupted for the fourteenth time, I’m grateful for family, friends, and colleagues who think of me. And when my child falters or hurts, I thank God for their life and my availability.

Shift Perspective – Photography makes me happy. When I look through the lens, I’m forced to see the world from a different angle. Where is the best lighting? What if I crouch or stand on my toes? How does that change my perspective and help me understand the subject matter better? My favorite photos show a deeper story, capturing more than what’s apparent. Searching for the perfect photo compels me to find beauty in the midst of ugliness. We can do the same in any situation. Rather than focusing on the glaring ugliness, we can search for the beauty in our circumstances.

When overwhelmed, we can remember a time when we were content or create a list of things we appreciate. House, food, clothing, job, etc. This reminds us that not every little thing is doom and gloom.

Examine Details – Sometimes we have to search for a small detail – something minute – to ignite our thankfulness. When the baby cries for hours, we’re grateful she has lungs that work and a way to communicate. When a teen complains, we remind ourselves of one positive characteristic he possesses.

Pause to Thank – When we notice our emotions are unstable, we can intentionally pause and take a moment to reflect on what we appreciate. Refer to that list I talked about in “Shift Perspective.” I consistently thank God for what He’s allowed in my life and what He’s teaching me through my trials.

Embrace Grace – Fear, worry, and anxiety rob us of joy. Offering grace to ourselves and those around us chases these away. When we choose forgiveness and drop control, we become more gracious and thankful. And we are more joyful.

Benefits of Parenting with Gratitude

Healthier Relationships – When we search for personality traits in others that we appreciate and maintain a grace-filled attitude, our relationships are strengthened. We approach situations with a calmer presence which decreases tension in a conflict. This is especially helpful on those parenting days we feel unseen, unheard, and unappreciated.

Improved Mental Health – When we are thankful, we are less stressed, less anxious, and less likely to be depressed. We are happier.

Improved Physical Health – When we are grateful, we sleep better and have better immune systems. We get sick less often and are more active.

Increased Productivity – When we see the positive around us, our spirits are lifted. Therefore, we are more productive.

An Infectious Attitude – Attitudes that reflect joyfulness and gratefulness are contagious. My husband noticed my thankful attitude and the residual effects. He now pauses and expresses gratitude during trying moments more often than he had. When we are parenting with gratitude, expressing thankfulness either outwardly or inwardly, our children notice. And whether they realize it or not, our disposition rubs off on them.

Gratefulness is contagious. Our children catch it. #parentingwithgratitude #thankfulness #hopefulmom #healthyrelationships Benefits of Parenting with Gratitude
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Parenting can be depressing if we allow it. But raising children also has rewards. We can pause and ponder the personality traits in our children that make them special and choose to reflect on their behaviors that fill us with gladness. We can contemplate past interactions that made us smile. Then broaden our list by examining our surroundings and thanking God for our possessions. We can meditate on the people in our life and how each positively influences us. Let’s continue our list throughout the day and into tomorrow and next week. And reap the benefits.

I’m excited to announce that the audio version of Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships is on sale at audiobooks. Use this link before 12/1/24 for 60% OFF. . . . While Christmas shopping, check out the family games suggestions on this page, and pick up a copy of Sexpectations for a mom you know.

[i] Goodreads. (n.d.). A quote by David Steindl-Rast. Goodreads. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/2865...

[ii] Voskamp, A. (2010). One Thousand gifts: A dare to live fully right where you are. Zondervan.

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How Not to be “Late to the Party” When Talking to Your Child About Sex

I’m thrilled to introduce Jackie Brewton. Jackie has years of experience equipping parents on how to talk with children about sex and related topics. I love the advice she gives us in this guest post.  

Parenting teens in today’s culture is NOT for the faint at heart, which is why I always want to make sure my content addresses parents’ struggles, challenges, or needs.

Whenever I get a question from one person, I know that could be on the minds of other parents as well.

Recently a mom posted a question on my Facebook page and I thought other parents could benefit from the answer I gave her:

Mom: My son is eleven and a rising 6th grader. He seems to be on the cusp of puberty as it relates to his body changing and has mentioned having a crush during this school year.

What should we be discussing about “having sex or understanding what it is” right now?

I love reading your posts daily and don’t want to be late to the party, thinking we aren’t there yet, or he isn’t ready.

This Message Applies to Your Teen Too!

Even though her question was about her 11-year-old son, my answer applies to your teen daughter or son as well.

This was my response:

Before you have a conversation about sex, I would focus the conversation on love and healthy relationships. And I do not just mean romantic love, but love in general. What does love do?

How does love treat others?

Before talking about sex, focus conversations on love and healthy relationships. Advice from Jackie Brewton at the latest post: How Not to be “Late to the Party” When Talking to Your Child About Sex #hopefulmom #difficultconversations
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When it comes to influencing your son’s relationship choices, just as much will be caught as is taught. So, make sure healthy relationships are being modeled. How your son sees your husband treat you will have a significant impact on how he will treat the young ladies he dates.

I also know he has a little sister, so remind him how important it is for him to be an example to her about the type of behavior she will accept from anyone she dates. And challenge him to not do anything with any young lady he dates that he wouldn’t want someone to do with his sister.

I would let him know that what he’s feeling is normal, but I would also have conversations with him about how temporary relationships typically are in middle and high school.

In fact, this is what I tell students in my classes:

Most teenagers are dating their future ex. They will either get married or break up. And as a teenager, the chances are MUCH, MUCH greater that they will break up than marry. If you recognize that one day the other person will become your ex, that should impact what you choose to do in that relationship. Why would you do anything in a temporary relationship that could come with a permanent consequence?

Use the media to start conversations about what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior related to relationships/sex. Make sure you focus on the good examples just as much as you focus on the bad examples.

My strategy is always to teach toward something (dreams/goals) instead of away from something (negative consequences). I have found it to be much more effective.

If you make sure your son has dreams and goals for his future, the sex conversation, though necessary at some point, will not need to be at the forefront because he’ll realize that nothing is worth him risking his future dreams and goals.

Of course, I would definitely read my book, The Truth About Sex: Real Stories from Teen Guys Like You, WITH him by the time he’s 13 at the latest. [I would make the same recommendation for a parent of a daughter with my book, 7 Secrets Guys Will Never Tell You: A Teen Girl’s Guide on Love, Sex, and Relationships.]

I know how handsome your son is, so you’re going to have to prepare him for those girls who may be the aggressor. He’ll need to be taught refusal skills just as much as you teach them to your daughter. Role play scenarios with him to help him figure out in advance how he would handle them.

I applaud you for asking the question now and “not wanting to be late to the party.”

Don’t be Late to the Party!

I genuinely believe parenting teens, especially in this day and time, is one of the toughest jobs there is.

And it’s not the teens themselves, but the culture they live in that makes it all the more challenging for parents to guide their children towards realizing their dreams and goals while navigating the countless landmines waiting to blow up their future.

As much as I am called to empower teens like your son or daughter, I am also on a mission to equip parents like you to help your child make positive choices now that will set him/her up for success as an adult.

So don’t be late to the party!

Start implementing the tips shared in today’s post with your son or daughter today.

P.S. Today’s culture will have your child believing that having sex as a teen is a rite of passage and no big deal. But he/she needs to know the truth and that should come from you. Sex is a temporary act that could permanently hinder your child from realizing his/her dreams and goals. And that is a big deal! So don’t wait. Start having these conversations with your child TODAY. And for additional resources on this topic, go here to check out my resources for teen girls and teen guys.

Subscribe below for two FREE downloads. If you need counseling because your child has been exposed to pornography, check out the information here.

The post How Not to be “Late to the Party” When Talking to Your Child About Sex appeared first on HOPEFUL MOM.

Youth Show Friends Porn

“My 9-year-old son told me our neighbor boy, his friend, described pornographic scenes he saw in detail to him. My son is traumatized.”

I read the above on a Facebook page I follow. The parent went on to say she was caught off guard. Even though she’s talked with her child about sex and puberty, she was waiting to talk about pornography. Below the original post, parent after parent described similar circumstances with their children.

Youth show their friends porn.

“Yes, it happened to my 10-year-old at a sleepover. I was not prepared and neither was the other mom.”

“My child was introduced to porn by a classmate at school at age nine. We didn’t find out until our child was 12.”

“My daughter was exposed to adult contact at 11.”

“I had to talk to my neighbor about something similar. It’s so hard when the children grew up together and you now have to talk with them about this.”

Friends show friends porn. Unfortunately, this behavior is common and can be devastating for the child and heartbreaking for parents.

Children are typically exposed to pornography one of three ways. They accidentally stumble across it, they are curious and do a search and find it, or a friend shows them. Youth show their friends porn. It’s an unfortunate fact, but a fact nonetheless. So we need to be mentally prepared and be proactive in our parenting.  

Start Conversations Early

We can be proactive by starting conversations about pornography and its dangers at a very young age. Pornography is everywhere and its preying on our children. (Do I sound like a broken record? Yes, I’ve mentioned this before, and I will continue to state it as long as the pornography industry exists.) Therefore, our best offense and defense is talking about pornography with our children.

We shouldn’t be afraid of the conversations. We warn our children about other dangers in the world. Don’t put your finger in an electrical socket. Don’t touch a hot stove. Add one more . . . Don’t look at bad pictures, ones that show areas that should be covered (the underwear zone) or are intended to make us think inappropriate thoughts. Fill in the blank with correct anatomical terminology and adapt the conversation to your child’s age and maturity level.

More Advice

In the post I mentioned above, after her child told her what happened, the parent told him how proud she was of him for telling her. The parent reminded her son that curiosity was normal but the internet has confusing and dangerous things.  

In the comment section, parents offered fantastic advice to this hurting parent.

“Remind him you are available to listen if he has follow-up questions or just wants to talk.”

“Let him lead the conversation, listen, and allow him to express his feelings.”

“Be open and honest. Explain sex using correct anatomical terminology, and explain when it’s appropriate to have sex.”

“Explain that pornography is not the same as real life. It’s unrealistic, objectifying, and violent.”

“Be careful of other children who show pornography. That’s how child-on-child abuse begins.”

“Seek out a counselor for your child, if necessary.”

One parent suggested role play, an excellent idea. Role playing provides children with practical tools for future use. Whether your child has been exposed to pornography or not, sit with him or her and go over several scenarios in which they may be exposed to pornography. Then brainstorm some responses.

Here’s one example: If a friend says, “Hey, look at this,” and holds a device out for you to view, what will you do? After listening to your child’s response, you may suggest that instead of just looking at the device, they could first ask, “What are you going to show me?” If the friend indicates the video or photo may be inappropriate, empower your child to say, “No, thank you. I don’t want to see it.”

Youth will show their friends porn. Your child is likely to be exposed. So, help your child be ready and prepare yourself for the inevitable. You’ve got this!

A common method of exposure to pornography is a friend. Youth show friends porn. Find advice here on preparing your child for this possibility. Youth Show Friends Porn #fightthenewdrug #hopefulmom
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Other Resources

If your child has already been exposed to pornography, subscribe at Hopeful Mom to receive the FREE download, 7 Steps After Your Child Sees Porn. I also recommend purchasing the two downloadable booklets in the “My Child Saw Porn” series available on the shop page.

See this link for books recommendations to help you have discussions with your children.

We recently added a page of family game recommendations. Games are an excellent way to interact without screens and build relationships with your children. We hope to add more to the list, so send me your favorite family games.

If you need a coach, someone to help you process what you are thinking or feeling, I’ve partnered with 423Communities for coaching/counseling.

Lastly, if you live in the Leesburg, Florida area, consider attending the A21 Walk for Freedom event on October 19th. There will be several speakers enlightening us about human trafficking, globally and locally. I will be speaking on the link between pornography and human trafficking. Hope to see you there!

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Preteen and Teen Books: A Guide for Finding Safe Reads

I ran into my friend Sofia Simpson at a homeschool conference. She was talking with parents about the young adult books she’s written and the need to help parents find safe books for their children. Book content can spark an unnecessary interest or trigger children who’ve been exposed to pornography and other sexual content, so I asked Sofia to help us figure out which books are healthy for our children to read. I’m so grateful for her wisdom, and I’m sure you’ll find her post insightful.

In today’s digital age, parents find themselves trying to protect their children from R and X-rated content in books. Because there is no rating system in place for books, parents have no way of knowing if graphic sex, foul language, and gory violence are in the books they find or allow their preteens and teens to read.

Children as young as nine look for books in the teen sections of libraries and bookstores and are inundated with offensive content. The covers and blurbs look safe enough, but when they start reading, offensive material jumps out at them.

Children as young as nine look for books in the teen section of libraries. How do parents know if the content is offensive? Sofia Simpson tells us how in this post. Preteen and Teen Books: A Guide for Finding Safe Reads #safebooks…
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Parents are desperate to find safe books for their children to read, and many think there is nowhere to turn to find these books.

What can parents do to defend their teens from this kind of content? There are several ways you can use to ensure that the books your child reads are age appropriate and aligned with your family’s values.

1. Spot Triggering Words in Blurbs

Book blurbs are designed to entice readers, but they can also offer clues about the content. Here’s how to decode them:

Identify Keywords: Words like “spicy,” “dark,” “mature themes,” “hot,” “passionate,” “sizzling,” “tempting,” “sexy,” “sensual,” “wild,” or “violent,” can be indicators of content that might include violence, sexual situations, or harsh language.Consider the Tone: Sometimes, the tone of a blurb can suggest the nature of the book. If the blurb feels ominous or overly romantic, it might hint at more mature themes.Research the Genre: Certain genres, like contemporary young adult fiction or thrillers, are more likely to explore complex and mature topics. Being aware of the genre helps you set expectations.2. Look up One-Star and Two-Star Reviews

Online reviews are a treasure trove of information when selecting books. While glowing five-star reviews can tell you what’s great about a book, one-star and two-star reviews often highlight concerning issues. People leave a one-star review when they find something disturbing.

Look for Patterns: If multiple reviewers mention explicit content, inappropriate language, or violence, it’s a red flag. Even if the book has overall high ratings, consistent negative feedback on certain aspects can indicate concerning content.Focus on Specifics: Pay attention to reviews that provide detailed descriptions of why a reader gave a low rating. Comments like “graphic scenes,” “excessive swearing,” or “not suitable for young readers” help you identify books to avoid.Consider the Reviewer: Sometimes, a reviewer’s perspective gives insight into whether their concerns align with yours. For instance, if a review is from a parent who shares your values, their opinions might resonate more with you.3. Find Websites that give Detailed Reviews

Save these websites on your phone, so you can refer to them when you’re at the bookstore or library. If one site doesn’t have the book you’re looking for, another might.

Several websites are dedicated to providing detailed reviews that cover disturbing content in books. These resources can be invaluable for making informed decisions:

PluggedIn.com – PluggedIn offers movies, games, TV shows, YouTube channels, and book reviews that highlight concerns about language, sexual content, and violence, making it easier to identify safe reads for teens. They don’t give an opinion, just state the facts about what kind of content the books have. CommonSenseMedia.org – This website provides age-based ratings and reviews for movies, TV, books, games, podcasts and apps, offering a breakdown of content that parents may find inappropriate.Thestorysanctuary.com–This blog will not only give you a review of the book but also list language, violence, and physical intimacy warnings. Ratedreads.com -This is not a Christian site. Books are reviewed here that are not biblical. But you will find critical information here, however, like language, physical intimacy, and violence. Busymomsreadtoo.com -Most of the reviewers on this site are Christians, and they will give you all the warnings you need. Has an easy to find search tab to look up titles. Pristineprose.wordpress.com -This blog is also another good resource. The home page has a search tab for the title you’re looking up. authorbrittanywang.wixsite.com/nospiceyafantasy -This is an excellent resource for Young Adult Fantasy books. If you find a book on this website, then the book is safe to read. It will not have sex on the page, but maybe some intimacy. It gives you a physical intimacy rating on every book and gives a clear explanation of what the ratings mean.4. Follow Instagram Clean Book Reviewers and Bookstagrammers

There are hundreds of Bookstagrammers on Instagram who do nothing but review clean books (books without sex on the page). Follow them and fill your algorithm with good options for your teen to read. I’ve personally checked out all these pages and they are dedicated to finding clean and safe books to read.

@Darcyschock_writes@Britts.bookish.best@Wallflower_m_reads@Heather.loves.books@Areadingmama12@Thesqueakycleanreader@Pristineprose_reads@Closeddoorromance@Skipthespice@shelvedthoughts@Sweet.cleanreads@Christianbooksandcoffee@Christianshelves@Christian_fiction.recs@Melissas_bookshelf@Kylies.reading.corner@Heathers.clean.reads@Clean.books.for.you.2@Clean.heart.romance.recs@Faith.n.cleanbooks@Justkissesromanceandsweetreads@Thebookwormgirl_Bethany@_thecleanbooknook@Tawnisbookshelf@sofiasimpsonauthorFind Facebook Groups that Promote Clean Content

The following groups are places you can go to ask questions in the group about certain books. Let’s say you didn’t find any reviews on a specific book. Go to these Facebook groups and ask if anyone has read the book. Or ask for good recommendations for the specific topics your teen enjoys reading. Let the group know what age and gender your child is and ask for recommendations.

Christian Books-Authors and ReadersJust Kisses Romance and Sweet ReadsSweet Clean Romance for ReadersFans of Enclave PublishingHold the Spice! This Book Group is Nice!Avid Readers of Christian FictionChristian Science Fiction and FantasyClean Fiction MagazineClean RomCom ReadersSweet and Clean Reader GroupSweet Romance Reader Review GroupSweet RomanceSweet Romance CornerSofia Simpson 4Follow the Safe Publishers and Clean Indy (Self Published) Authors

This is a powerful tool in a parent’s toolbox for finding safe books. Join their newsletters for new releases you know will be safe for your teen to read. That way, you’ll be on the front lines waiting for great books for your teen to enjoy.

Publishers:

Any Christian Publisher, like Tyndale, Thomas Nelson, ZondervanEnclave Publishing-Speculative and Christian FictionQuill and Flame-Sweet and Clean Teen romancesMountain Brook Fire Publishing-Clean Books with a Christian worldviewMonster Ivy Publishing-Clean books with an edge. Pg 13 or less.Expanse Books-Clean Speculative Fiction with a Christian worldview

Indy Authors:

Me! Sofia Simpson-Christian Fantasy www.sofiasimpson.comE.A. Hendryx-Science Fantasy https://www.eahcreative.com/ea-hendryx-writing/Judy Corry-Sweet Romance https://subscribepage.com/judycorryC.F.E. Black-Clean Fantasy. https://cfeblack.comSarah K.L. Wilson-Clean Fantasy https://sarahklwilson.myflodesk.com/w8jk5onqacCandice Yamnitz-Christian Fantasy https://candiceyamnitz.comConclusion

Honestly, in today’s day and age you need to be proactive to find safe books for your preteens and teens. With the right strategies, you can navigate the literary landscape with more confidence and less fear. By analyzing blurbs for triggering words, using one-star and two-star reviews to uncover potential issues, leveraging online resources, utilizing Instagram and Facebook for Clean Reviewers, finding publishers you can trust, you can ensure the books your child reads are both enjoyable and appropriate for their age. It’s about finding stories that inspire, educate, and resonate with young readers…without the negative content.

As a Young Adult Christian Fantasy Author, I am dedicated to providing safe content for teens to read. It’s why I began writing in 2012. I was a public teen librarian and the books coming into my section horrified me. I have begun a social media campaign to force publishers to rate their books of sexual content, language, and violence. Find on Instagram and Facebook: Books Need Ratings and join my fight to protect our children by providing these ratings. Books today are not a safe place for our children. We need to fight back demanding ratings. I’ve written letters to my state senators and governor asking for a change. I want to have enough social media presence and high enough numbers to attract national attention. But I need your help. Follow Books Need Ratings on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/booksneedratings/ and Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/booksneedratings to join my fight for ratings on books. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me at sofia@sofiasimpson.com or find me at www.sofiasimpson.com or on Instagram or Facebook. I’d be happy to answer any questions. Please note, I’m not trying to ban or censor books, I’m just asking for books to have ratings for sexual content, language and violence.

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Healthy Relationships in a Sexualized Culture

Our sexualized culture heavily influences the next generation. Whether they’re swiping through their social media feed, binging a show, reading a book, or hanging out with peers, there’s no escaping messages that steer them away from healthy relationships and towards unhealthy paths.

Parents try to counter cultural expectations, explaining why the latest greatest isn’t the best option. We’re on the defense. A friend persuades our child to install Snapchat. Swat. “Snapchat’s bad.” An influencer talks up an OnlyFans account. Whack. “Don’t show your stuff to strangers.” A partner says everyone’s doing it. Smack. “That’s not true. You’ll be sorry.”

Yes, we need to pay attention to their environment, listen to their thoughts, and offer valid reasons behind our “no” decisions. However, we should also present alternative solutions. Be on the offense. Talk about and model healthy relationships.

Let’s look at four habits of healthy relationships. (You can find an entire chapter on each of these in Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships.)

Love

The foundation is love—the love imbedded in us by God. “When we allow God to fill us with his love and acceptance, we subsequently love others well because his love overflows from us to those around us.” (Sexpectations, p. 65)

Healthy relationships start with a love that shows kindness, gentleness, and patience. Love that puts the other person’s needs above their own wants. This love is persistent, non-judgmental, and accepting. We love who the person is at their core (even when their behaviors are not acceptable and need addressed).

Before we can help our children understand what healthy relationships look like, we should examine our own. Are our relationships healthy? Do we model relationships built on the foundation of love?

Selflessness

I can think of no other human relationship which demonstrates selflessness better than parenting a child. Rearing children requires putting our desires aside at times. It means tending to the baby’s cries when all you want to do is sleep. It means crossing the room and picking up your toddler after they’ve fallen, even though you just sat down. And it means answering the phone and listening to your college-aged teen tell you about their day when you’ve got work waiting. Oh, but the rewards are great! When we see children as God sees them, they aren’t a chore or a task. They’re a privilege and a blessing.

When we love our children selflessly, we tend to their longings. Not just life-sustaining needs like food, water, air, and shelter. But these emotional longings as well: love and acceptance, safety and security, belonging, validation and feeling valued. If preteens and teens don’t find these needs within their own family unit, they will find them elsewhere.

A word of caution: Selflessness shouldn’t be confused with doormat or pushover, especially in the area of sex. Often, societal portrayals of sexual encounters do not model selflessness. Instead, these depictions are distorted, selfish, and objectifying.

Mutuality

“Mutuality means sharing and supporting each other. Healthy, loving relationships show mutual respect, influence, and accountability. Each person encourages the other in their dreams, goals, and aspirations while being loyal, honest, and trustworthy. They do life together. Their love is reciprocal. Define mutuality and direct the next generation to healthier interactions and attitudes concerning partnerships, friendships, and marriage.” (Sexpectations, p. 97-98)

The objective is to equip the next generation with tools necessary to distinguish which behaviors within a new relationship are healthy and which aren’t. Then they will look for positive and negative indicators.

Parents, we want to equip the next generation with tools necessary to distinguish which behaviors within a new relationship are healthy and which aren’t. Healthy Relationships in a Sexualized Culture #healthyrelationships #hopefulmom
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Examples of negative indicators or red flags include someone: calling them names, not respecting boundaries, making all the decisions, or isolating them. When around this person, they might feel intimidated, inadequate, guilty, stupid, pressured, or trapped.

On the other hand, green flags include the other person: trusting them, encouraging them to have interactions with others, valuing their thoughts and opinions, treating them with kindness, respecting them, following through on their word, and celebrating their successes. When around these types of people, they feel loved, respected, valued, safe, secure, and able to be their true self.

Communication

In healthy relationships, we communicate with the purpose of shared understanding and knowing each other more intimately, as well as expressing ideas and solving problems. It’s a form of connection. When our children feel that connection with us, they trust us and take our advice to heart, which is important, especially when talking about sensitive topics.

Parents, we are affecting the next generation. Let’s empower our children with the skills, characteristics, and habits necessary to thrive in healthy relationships. You’ve got this!

SHE Summit

I am speaking on “Healthy Relationships in a Sexualized Culture” at the FREE SHE Summit September 16-20, 2024. “Throughout this 5-day virtual event, 40+ experts and storytellers will share their stories, their expertise, and their hope for meaningful recovery from pornography addiction and other unwanted sexual behaviors. Topics will range from recovery, to trauma and abuse, to identity and shame, to faith, the Church, advocacy, mental health, and others. This faith-based, online summit will answer the questions many women are asking and lead them safely into the process of recovery.

In addition, this event is for the Helper. Counselors, coaches, parents, church leaders, and others will better understand these issues to help women in recovery—plus opportunities for Q&A.” When registering for this summit, please use the code HOPEFUL for 10% off extended access or lifetime access.

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Comparing Healthy Sexuality, Purity Culture, and Pornified Mindsets

Some of Hopeful Mom’s readers are Christians. Some aren’t. Whether you subscribe to a Christian theology or not, this post from guest Cody Moen of Restoring Hearts Counseling can help you understand other viewpoints. The chart at the end contains especially helpful information regarding the difference between a pornified mindset, a purity culture mindset, and a healthy sexuality mindset. Thank you, Cody, for your insight.

One of the most common Bible verses repeated in addiction recovery material is Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.” Renewal of the mind occurs through reading, hearing, and doing God’s Word, baptism, and the sacraments. The mind is renewed as the former way of life without Jesus is put to death and a new way of life is lived out.

My own life is an example of this small bit of theology played out in the real world.

Renewal can occur in small ways, such as the way we speak. Before I knew Jesus my language, at best, was “colorful,” as it was shaped by secular, public school culture and life in the military. After I came to believe in Jesus, this colorful language faded and felt more foreign. Until I stub my toes, of course.

Renewal can occur in huge ways, also, such as completely altered lives. Before I knew Jesus, I detached from any intimate relationships, isolated, alone, and living in a world of dark, suffering silence. After I came to believe in Jesus, this renewal occurred over several years and is ongoing today. Now I have more relationships than ever. I’m connected and have been experiencing grace upon grace.

Renewal and transformation to be conformed to the image of God is good and should be pursued as in a race. Yet, this race a Christian runs can be sidelined by “well-intentioned” teachings that are actually harmful. Purity culture is an example of a well-intentioned teaching that may have done more harm than good.

Purity Culture

I did not experience purity culture growing up—having been a heathen (I say this amusingly) most of my life—so I was not in church often enough to see it. What I have heard from Christians about purity culture, however, makes me glad I did not experience it. From what I gather, purity culture started sometime in the 1990’s to the early 2000’s with a good, solid goal of encouraging sexual abstinence until marriage. Somewhere along the line, however, sexual abstinence became “sexual purity” instead. Sexual thoughts and feelings were bad (read, “impure”) and made a Christian sexually impure. Sexual thoughts, feelings, and anything resembling them had to be stopped, prevented, and avoided.

"Purity culture's 'renewal of the mind' theology had real world effects . . . unhelpful . . . and damaging." ~ Cody Moens Comparing Healthy Sexuality, Purity Culture, and Pornified Mindsets #fightthenewdrug #purityculture #hopefulmom
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Purity culture’s “renewal of the mind” theology had real world effects, though these effects were, at best, unhelpful and, at worst, damaging. These teachings discouraged young Christian men and women from dating, men had to bounce their eyes from women, women had to dress so as not to tempt men, etc. Sexual feelings were to be suppressed by “making war” upon lust, then somehow, like flipping a switch, embraced when the young Christian man and woman married.

Purity culture fostered an environment where Christian men did not have to take responsibility for their sexual thoughts and actions. At the same time, that responsibility was placed into the hands of women. For both Christian boys and girls, shame increased from the inevitable sexual thoughts and feelings they had as they grew up and went through puberty.

Purity Culture Mindset vs Healthy Sexuality Mindset

Purity culture mindset, though well-intentioned, is not the kind of renewal Romans 12:2 refers to. Sex and sexuality in God’s Word are not to be feared or avoided, as purity culture would teach. They are to be redeemed and cherished as great gifts that God designed them to be in a marriage between a man and woman. For God certainly does not seem as prudish as purity culture when He talks about sex and sexuality. Proverbs 5:18-19 encourages a young man (or young woman) to always take delight, even sexual delight, in his or her spouse. The entirety of Song of Songs is a husband and wife expressing this same delight—and yes, even sexual delight! —for one another.  

Indeed, God does say in that same chapter of Proverbs and in Song of Songs that there are dangers to sex and sexuality. Yet, we have to remember that God created sex and sexuality in the beginning, blessed it, and said it was “very good” (Genesis 1:28, 31). It is sin which distorts God’s good creation and makes sex and sexuality dangerous. Although purity culture may have been well-intentioned about the danger of sexual sin, it confused sin, sex, and sexuality and turned what God created into a wholesale sin.

The Pornified Mind

Let’s consider someone seeking help to overcome a porn or sex addiction. The pornified mind is, most likely, one that is hurting from childhood wounds. This mind is filled with shame and fear, which leads to isolation and hiding who they are from others. Relationships are surface level—if that! —as they objectify others in sexual fantasy for their own needs. A person with this mindset who is, by God’s grace, seeking help is not likely to look for it in a purity culture church.

On the other hand, a church that cherishes God’s gift of sex and sexuality in marriage, while not condoning sexual sin or confusing sin and sex, is a safer, more approachable place for a person seeking help with a porn or sex addiction. Such a place is where God’s Word can deeply renew such a pornified mind. For in such a place they will read, hear, and see in the congregation God’s Word being lived out.

Considering how many Christian men and women struggle with pornography alone, there is a need for transformation and renewal of the Church to no longer conform to purity culture, but to what God says about His creation of sex and sexuality.

(Charts adapted from Husband Material, Drew Boa)

(***Fundamentally good as in, the desire to love and be loved is good. Yet, because of original sin we donot know how to fulfill this desire in Godly ways.)

(***Fundamentally good as in, the desire to love and be loved is good. Yet, because of original sin we donot know how to fulfill this desire in Godly ways.)

When we understand the differences among these mindsets, we gain insight into the minds of the next generation and are able to help them walk away from behaviors that are not healthy and choose only healthy sexual behavior.

For curriculums to help you explain God’s design for sex to your children, visit this page. To schedule a one-on-one appointment with Founder Barb Winters, visit this page.

If you’re new to the Hopeful Mom community, this short video tells a little about us.

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7 Back to School Preparations for Teens

A Webinar for You!

Hopeful Mom and Hope After Betrayal have joined forces to sponsor a webinar, Tackling Sensitive Conversations with Confidence. This webinar is designed to equip you with the tools and confidence to help your children navigate a sexually-saturated world in healthy and informed ways. Please join us! For more information and to register, click here.

7 Back to School Preparations for Teens

I love walking into a store and seeing school supplies front and center, just waiting for excited children and (maybe-not-as-excited) parents to snag discounted items. If my inner-organizing-self had it her way, she’d rush to the notebooks and Post-it notes and pile them in her cart. But, alas, my children are grown, and notebooks on my shelf still await usage.

Maybe you look forward to back to school shopping. Or not. Either way, teens are headed back to school. And we need to prepare, physically and mentally.

Besides clearing the closet and making room for new shoes, backpacks, and lunch items, how can we prepare for back to school days?

1 – Structure the day for maximum back to school success.

Most of us, teens included, function best when our days are structured. Discuss time needed for hygiene, breakfast, and last-minute tasks in the morning. Schedule shower/bathroom times for each child to avoid morning arguments. Help them determine a consistent bedtime and time for their morning alarm. Have nutritional breakfast options on hand. And, while we’re talking about food, stock up on healthy snacks for a quick after-school bite.

As part of the day’s structure, talk about screen time/social media time. Will there be limits on their phone? Will they need to shut their phones/computers off at a certain time each evening? Incorporate conversations about online safety.

2 – Consider organizations and/or extracurricular activities for your teen to join.

Children learn time management skills, organizational skills, and how to get along with others through these pursuits. Additionally, when they participate in group activities and organizations, they are engaged in more face-to-face time and less screen time.

3 – Practice refusal skills.

Because of their need to belong, a teen may succumb to peer pressure in order to fit in. Before the first day of school, ask your child how they will respond if someone asks them to vape, offers them alcohol, or attempts to show them something on their phone. (A good response to the phone scenario is asking, “What are you about to show me?” This may keep them from seeing a pornographic image.) What will they say if they’re invited to a party with drinking or no adult supervision? Role play scenarios and ask them to practice their responses. This may sound elementary and your teen could roll their eyes, but simply having the conversation tells them you understand what they face each day and you care about their well-being.

Back to school can be a difficult transition. But it doesn’t have to be. Plan ahead, and then be flexible. Read post for 7 Back to School Preparations for Teens #hopefulmom #healthyrelationships #backtoschool
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4 – Be available after school, physically and emotionally.

If you’re home, greet your teen as they walk in the door. Hang out in a common space, like the kitchen or living room. Discern your child’s temperament, and ask open-ended questions. Listen as they talk about their day. Allow them to decompress and express their hurts and struggles without judgment. We want our children to see us as a safe space where they can share their enthusiasm and their anxiety.

5 – Pay attention to red flags.

Whether your teen is excited or anxious about returning to school, the first several weeks can be stressful. That’s typical. Their stress level should normalize as they learn new routines and connect with friends. Look for signals that something is amiss. Possible red flags include: withdrawal, isolating, a change in appearance, more anxious or depressed, a lack of motivation, asking not to go to school, irritability, and anger. This list is not complete, nor are these signals indications something is definitely wrong. However, if any arise, you may want to investigate.

6 – Celebrate.

Ask your teen the high point of their day. Show enthusiasm and excitement for any achievement or “win,” great or small. Congratulate them for trying something new or outside of their comfort zone. Find something to applaud. Be their biggest cheerleader.

7 – Pre-plan a family activity.

Before school begins, as a family, plan an activity or outing for the first weekend school starts. It can be a family night of pizza and games, attending a local sporting event, or a weekend away—something your children can look forward to. Ask everyone to contribute ideas and ensure each person has at least one part they’re looking forward to. They could select the destination, the place you’ll eat, or games you’ll take. Maybe they can choose a new outfit to wear.

Back to school can be a difficult transition. But it doesn’t have to be. Think ahead. Plan, and then be flexible. And remember to add margin in each calendar day. Let’s do our best to help our teens thrive and succeed!

New Coaching Opportunity

Would you like one-on-one coaching? I’ve joined 423Communities and 423Next to offer parents an opportunity to chat. I help parents understand their emotional responses to their child’s behavior and find their next steps to healing and effective parenting. I’d love to connect with you, offer a virtual hug, and provide practical advice and hope. Schedule your online call here.

ON SALE!

The audio version of Sexpectations is on sale for $8! Wow! What a deal. Get your copy HERE today.

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Missed Messages: Lies & Truth About Sex

I’m thrilled to introduce my friend Lori Kuykendall. Lori has 30 years of experience in community health education, focused on working with schools and sex education curriculum and policy.  She has a wealth of knowledge and loves sharing with parents. She’s here to share about the messages our children receive and how we can help them understand the truth about sex.

Today’s youth are living in an over-sexualized culture. Sexual images and pressure and misinformation come at them from all sides. Pornography is pervasive and is often called “the new sex education.” What they see and hear about sex can’t not have an impact on what they do with sex. As parents, we have the great challenge of helping them navigate through the cultural “garbage,” to know what is true and what is not, and to have the skills and support needed to live by truth. We need to be intentional to impart in relevant and receivable ways the truths they need to put into practice and stand strong through the storms of life.

Let’s work together to impart key “missed messages”- exposing the lies and replacing them with life-giving truths. We will see that the predominant cultural lies seek to steal, kill, and destroy our young people. My hope is that we can greater proclaim the abundant life offered when we walk instead in truth.

Here then are a few of the biggest lies they are hearing, and truths they aren’t.LIE: Sex is just physical.  TRUTH: Sex is whole-person bonding—physical, emotional and spiritual.

The world has objectified sex, making it just about bodies, stripping it of its full purpose and beauty as set forth from the beginning of humanity. Sex is intended to be a physical, emotional, and spiritual bond shared between a husband and wife who’ve committed in covenant marriage to bond for life. 

LIE: Sex is great with whomever, whenever, wherever, and however you wish. TRUTH: Sex (sexual activity) is designed for and best enjoyed within marriage only.

Sex is promoted through music, movies, social media, and especially through pornography, often by actors and actresses paid to perform for a camera. Young people often experiment with sexual activity assuming their experiences will be the same, and for lots of reasons, it just isn’t. Outside the safe context of committed marriage, sex brings physical consequences (including pregnancy and STDs), and emotional and relational consequences in both the short and long term. Research continues to show that the people who are most sexually satisfied are those who have been married for a long time.

LIE: Everyone’s doing it.TRUTH: Most teens aren’t having sex.

The percentage of high school students who report they have “had sexual intercourse” has dropped steadily and significantly for the last 20 years. Now only 30% of them say that. That means 70% of high school students in the U.S. have NOT had sex. The research doesn’t show whether they’ve been involved with other kinds of sexual activity or pornography, but the fact that twenty years ago that number was 45.6% is significant.

LIE: You determine and can change your “gender identity.” TRUTH: Your sex was designed by your Creator at fertilization.

The life of every human being begins at fertilization- when a female egg and male sperm unite. Inside that first joined cell is the unique DNA of a male or female- XX or XY. Every cell in their male or female body will contain that DNA- and be either male or female. While the tragic trend of “transgender ideology” has sold kids the idea they can change their gender, the truth is they cannot. An even more tragic lie is that a “fearfully and wonderfully made” boy or girl can be told he or she was “born in the wrong body.” May we from their earliest days affirm the wonder and beauty of the boys and girls who’ve been placed in our care.  

LIE: Pornography is harmless. TRUTH: Pornography is dangerous and addictive.

Pornography is easy to find but even more concerning, it comes to find our children. Multiple negative effects of pornography use have been documented, including increased anger, aggression, sexual experimentation, and violence. So also, has been its powerful addictive power (and for males ‘porn impotence’) that takes over even its youngest victims. Let’s courageously guard our children’s eyes and hearts and minds, and let’s help them to do so for themselves as they grow.

"Today's youth live in an over-sexualized culture. Let's expose the lies and impart the truth." Lori Kuykendall lists lies impacting the next generation. Missed Messages: Lies & Truth About Sex #fightthenewdrug…
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And the last one I’ll share is simply:

LIE: “My truth.”TRUTH: THE Truth!

Our postmodern, anti-Christian world allows each person to define their own “truth.” Absolutes and objectivity have been replaced by feelings and self-determination (or, a better word, self-referentiality). Science and scripture have aligned for all of history, and will continue to do so, to define very clear truths that sustain life. They are the “rock” wise builders build on. Tragically the “sands” many around us are building on will wash away. May we clearly and confidently and compassionately make the truths known first in our homes and then in our influence beyond.

The way the U.S. Treasury trains its employees to recognize counterfeit currency, is not by training them what counterfeit money looks like. (They couldn’t possible train them in the endless variations that have been attempted.) Instead, they train them on each of the exact details of authentic currency. They want them to know the TRUE money so well they will recognize the FALSE money immediately. Likewise, may we train our children so well with the truths about sex that they will recognize the lies immediately.

If Hopeful Mom has been helpful for you and your family, please share its contents with others. Check out upcoming events where Barb is speaking. And be sure to check out the resource pages. We are always adding resources which may be helpful for you.

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What Parents Need to Know About Sextortion

Sextortion. One of several threats to our children. Parents, we should be aware of the danger and talk with our children.

What is sextortion?

Sextortion is “extortion in which a perpetrator threatens to expose sexually compromising information (such as sexually explicit private images or videos of the victim) unless the victim meets certain demands.”[i] They may demand additional sexual content, sexual activity, or money. Victims often know their extorters. A current or former boyfriend or girlfriend may have an image the victim sent to them confidentially believing their interaction was personal and private. Then the offender uses the content against them.

Often, victims haven’t met their blackmailer in person. I’ve heard several stories of teens who have taken their own lives after they were sextorted online. One such teenage boy thought he was interacting with a teen girl on Instagram. Only it wasn’t a teen girl. And the predators were recording the “sexual encounter.” They then threatened to send the video to his friends and family if he didn’t pay them. He took his own life.

Boys and girls alike get caught in this scheme. These preteens and teens believe wholeheartedly they’re communicating with a peer or someone who loves them. There’s a certain level of trust that exists. The victim complies with a request under false pretenses. Then the threats begin. Sometimes offenders ask for money. Other times they ask for more images or videos which are then be uploaded to pornographic sites.

Both boys and girls can be targeted for sextortion, a form of blackmail. They are targeted in person by people they know and online. What Parents Need to Know About Sextortion #sextortion #socialmedia #parenting
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I attended a webinar last week with 500 other people, a record-breaking turnout for Survive and Thrive Advocacy Center, the organization who sponsored the event. The webinar covered social media, substance abuse, and gaming. Specifically, the speaker showed how these connect to sextortion and human trafficking. The number of people in attendance signaled to me how important this information has become and how anxious we are to figure out how to help the next generation.

Social Media

Social media has been a topic in the news recently because the US Surgeon General called for warning labels on social media platforms “to alert users that the platforms can harm children’s mental health.”[ii] Whether or not we agree with the Surgeon General’s request, I think most parents want to protect their children from any type of harm. To that end, our children should understand the down side to social media—mental health issues, bullying, brain development problems, and potential exposure to predators who will attempt to lure them into trafficking or sextortion.

One of the comments in the webinar that caused me to pause and think was this: Low risk children can be caught in this behavior, too. Everyone has a vulnerability. Traffickers and predators are master manipulators. They know how to use vulnerabilities, whatever they may be.

We tend to believe that only at-risk youth will be lured into sextortion or trafficking. At-risk includes youth who live in poverty or whose parents are divorced or are part of the lgbtqia2s+ community, along with a host of other situations. However, there’s a difference between at-risk youth and those who have a vulnerability.

We all have vulnerabilities, and they may change from day to day. A student may have a great home life, get good grades, and be the best on the soccer team. However, she may still feel insecure from time to time. An unfriendly remark could be a source of pain one day but not bother her a week later. A trafficker and sextortionist knows when to swoop in and what to say to manipulate her into his net.

All children have vulnerabilities and any child can be targeted. Therefore, we should do our best to keep our children safe from predators in person and online.

Safety MeasuresProtecting our children begins with the relationship. Cultivate a healthy relationship. Interact with your children. Be available. Have difficult conversations. Show them you’re willing to talk about anything and everything. Remind them frequently that you love them unconditionally, are available when they’re on top of the world and when they’re in trouble, and you are on their side.Talk about healthy relationships and how to spot healthy versus unhealthy interactions.Educate yourself on the latest social media apps and games. Before your child installs a new app or gets a new game, ask them about it. Try it out yourself.Use filters and parental controls. Enable “installing apps” restrictions on their phones.Monitor online activity.Tell your children to keep their social media platforms on private and not to share personal information, especially in a personal message.  

HOMESCHOOL FAMILIES: I will be speaking at the Southeast Homeschool Expo in Atlanta July 26-27 on the following topics:

Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy RelationshipsTackling Sensitive Conversations with ConfidenceMy Child Was Exposed to Pornography: Now What?“I Didn’t Mean to Do That” – for Teens

I hope to see you there!

If your organization, church, or homeschool group needs a speaker, check out the speaking page at Hopeful Mom and send me an email.

“Remind them that sextortion is a crime, it is not their fault and you are here to help them.”[iii]

[i] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sextortion

[ii] https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2024/06/17/surgeon-general-social-media-warning-labels/

[iii] https://www.missingkids.org/content/dam/netsmartz/downloadable/tipsheets/sextortion-what-parents-should-know.pdf

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Friend or Fan? Dawg or Dog? Which Are You?

I met Ken Anderson a few months ago and instantly knew he was a good guy and would be a great friend—one like he describes in this post. He has a heart for college students who struggle with pornography and has a fabulous program to help them. In this post, Ken helps us parents understand the difference between a dawg (true friend) and a dog (more of a fan). As parents, we want to lean toward being a true friend to our children, rather than a fan. Great words of wisdom.

Pepper is her name and pooping anywhere other than outside is her game. At least that’s been the case lately. I love our 4-year-old pit mix. I, and I alone. (My wife Liz is pretty much out on her.) She’s spunky, cute, funny, and always down to cuddle while I’m watching a show or reading a good book. (I’m still talking about Pepper, just to clarify; although, many of these adjectives also describe Liz). But, she’s also a good ol’ fashioned stinker. She steals food when we aren’t looking, sneaks in licks of our toddler whenever she can (he hates it, and screams), and mischievously takes off with any and all items that aren’t hers and chews them up without any regard for the owner of said item. 

Truth be told, I despised Pepper when we first got her. Liz wanted a dog. I didn’t. And she was a bad dog. But in a tale as old as time, Liz soon started to find Pepper irritating, and I fell in love with her. While Liz can see every wrong Pepper commits, I struggle to see anything she does as anything but adorable (except for pooping in the house, of course). 

Best Friend?

Now obviously Pepper doesn’t fit the mold for the type of dog that could be your best friend. As cute as she is, she’s a nuisance (I’m not so blind with love that I can’t see a least some of the truth), but I want to process why the saying ‘A dog is man’s best friend’ likely came about. Dogs are loyal, affectionate, loving, and quick to forget our foibles. We can yell at them one minute, and the next they’re back in our laps, lovingly gazing into our eyes. When we get home from work, they bound with the enthusiasm of a late freight train to the door to welcome us home. With dogs, we can do no wrong. And this is why they shouldn’t be our best friends. 

A Real Friend

Proverbs 27:6 says, ‘Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.’ A real friend tells you what you need to hear, not just what you want to hear, even when it hurts. How many friends do you have like that? In my experience they are few and far between. What makes them so valuable is that they love you so much they are willing to wound you with an important truth in the moment, even if it negatively affects your friendship for a time, to set you up for long-term success in the future. As Liz likes to say, we always need someone in our lives who ‘isn’t impressed with us.’ We need someone who knows our story, knows our mistakes, knows our ongoing issues, and who will push us to be better, all while loving us, encouraging us, praying for us, and rooting for us. 

When it comes to sexual purity, as a mentor, I haven’t met many men who are in a good place with it. Most say they are ‘doing ok,’ and want to leave it at that. And I get it. I used to answer the same way (if I was even willing to acknowledge it was a struggle at all). In addition, some say they’re doing ‘pretty good,’ but when I ask them what ‘pretty good’ means, their standard seems much lower than God’s (Ephesians 5:3 ‘But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immortality, or of any kind of impurity…’). Again, I can relate. 

Be a Dawg, Not a Dog

So, where does this leave us? In a world saturated with pornography, unwanted sexual behaviors, shame, and silence, we need more dawgs, and fewer dogs. Let me explain: I define “dog” as the type of person who always loves you and never challenges or tells you what you need to hear. Like a fan.

I define “dawg” as friends, peers, and mentors who always love you and are willing to challenge you, push you for your good, and tell you what you need to hear.

If the stats are true, most teens have seen pornography or will soon. Kids need our guidance. They need us to address it. ~ Ken Anderson, Friend or Fan? Dawg or Dog? Which Are You? #fightthenewdrug #onlinesafety #healthyrelationships
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If you’re a parent, grandparent, mentor, leader, or educator, you can be a dawg by doing a little barking and speaking up. If the statistics are true, most teens have seen pornography or will soon. Those looking to us, like our kids, need our guidance. They need us to address it. And we can do so by simply, humbly, and kindly starting the conversation: “Hey, I want to ask you something, and it might feel a little uncomfortable, but I really care about you and so I’m going to ask. And I want you to know that however you answer, I’m going to love you and care about you. Have you seen pornography?” 

Will they answer? Will they run away? Will they ever talk to you again?! Honestly, I don’t know. But, I do know that silence can’t be the answer anymore if we truly care about them.

The goal is to start the conversation. Bark (in a loving way) just a little bit. That’s it. You can’t get to point B before you start at point A. Just start the conversation.

If you’d like some help either before or after starting the conversation, and need a dawg who knows what she’s doing, Barb Winters is a wonderful and encouraging guide you can turn to for help.  

Let’s be dawgs.

If you suspect your child has a pornography problem or want more specifics on starting conversations with a child about pornography and its dangers, consider the What Do I Do Now? downloadable PDF at the shop page.

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