NeonSeon's Blog, page 24
January 13, 2017
Cheese Puffs
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Shema: You know why they sell it by the tub? Shouty: No, why? Shema: Because only 10% makes it to your stomach. The rest form a cheddar dental guard. Go ahead, smile. Shouty: Cheeese.
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January 10, 2017
Shouty’s PSA
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Shouty: Pear, almond, avocado head. These are names I was called as a kid. I could’ve gotten head rounding surgery, but I’m glad I didn’t. Now I love my head shape. You have to be happy with yourself — Person: Yo, chicken nugget! Shouty: No one said it would be easy, but it will be worth it!
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January 6, 2017
Shouty’s Tax Plan
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Shouty: I got this for $2 at the thrift store. Leonard: Stop lyin’, you paid $250 for that at the boutique. Shouty: But I donated it and bought it back. Tax write-off, holla!
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January 3, 2017
Resolutions
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[Shouty’s 2017 Resolutions 1. Exercise daily 2. Read 10 books 3. No frivolous purchases 4. Do not eat resolutions ] Merlington: What’s with #4? Shouty: That’s there so I can say, “I kept one resolution.” Merlington: Good thing you didn’t write it in icing! [Shouty contemplates.]
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December 30, 2016
Year In Review
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Leonard: It only takes 9 months to produce a human baby. What would you say is the biggest thing you produced this year? Shouty: I produced a skin tag on my back named Frank. Frank: ‘Sup?
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December 27, 2016
One Man’s Trash
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Leonard: What’s with all the fruitcake? Shouty: I ask everyone to regift it to me. Then I make a killing selling it online. Check it out! [Fruitcake is sliced and repackaged with the label Shouty’s Original Bug-Out Bread for Doomsday survival kits and all-day hiking trips! – Highly condensed nutrition – Vegetarian pemmican – Insect repellant – While supplies last]
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December 23, 2016
Gingerbread House
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Real estate agent: …and here are the keys to your life-size gingerbread house! Congratulations, Shouty! [1 week later…sign posted says “lot for sale”]
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December 20, 2016
Unconditional Love
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Shouty: Every time I think my cat and I are sharing a special moment…she finds a way…to tell me…nah.
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December 16, 2016
December 13, 2016
Moderation
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Shema: What’s wrong, Shouty? Shouty: I only get 400 calories for dinner. Shema: That’s not too bad. You can eat pounds of plant-based foods! Broccoli, beans, salad. Shouty: Yeah… Shema: Well, what’s wrong with that? Shouty: I already ate that 400 at lunch.
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