Andy Rivers's Blog, page 5

The name's Palmer...Pagga Palmer!

My newest novella 'The Spy Who Bluffed Me' is now available for your kindle at the laughably low price of about £1.50. Here's the blurb :-

The name's Palmer...Pagga Palmer...

Neville 'Pagga' Palmer is an over-sexed, run-of-the-mill doorman with delusions of grandeur. Despite being terrified of his local rivals and thicker than a whale omelette he's convinced that he's a highly trained spy who is simply 'sleeping' until needed by the security services. This isn't a scenario that anyone who has ever met him would think likely...until one day an upper-class, blonde-haired spook asks him to sign the official secrets act and tells him that his services are required for Queen and country...

Bad guys beware 'cos Pagga's coming to save the world!

It features all the stuff you love about me - sex, violence, verbal abuse and all that good shit - and is currently storming up the charts* so you'd best get a copy before they sell out*.

Cheers

AR

* It's not.

* they can't sell out as it's an electronic version...

Have a good one kids!

Just wanted to remind you all that Santa is a stocky, Northern bloke who likes to fiddle with ya stockings before leaving a small deposit...just saying like...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

The Malaga Sessions - Part Three

It was only a long weekend rather than a big holiday so our time in Malaga was soon up. We'd seen the sights, luxuriated by the rooftop pool, enjoyed the quality Gin and Tonics in the many cocktail bars (hint: try 'Mombasa Club if you like a dry one. Don't say i never tell you nowt!), sampled each and every tapas variety available (Bulls-tail croquettes - weird yet lush) and, of course, tried the famous Malagan sweet dessert wines and now it was time for home.

The Malaga Sessions - Part Two

Malaga isn't the first name that springs to mind when you're planning a city break (that's 'cos you think of Newcastle straight away right?) but it's a cracking place for a visit.

I'll set my stall out immediately - I'm a fat,greedy Northern bugger! So the vast amount of tapas bars, cervecerias, restaurants, cafes and general eating and drinking emporiums pretty much suited me right down to the ground.

The Malaga Sessions - Part One

It's great being British. There's loads of reasons really. We've brought a lot of culture, ingenuity and general coolness to the world. But. Sitting in a Twenty-Four hour Wetherspoons at the airport (Birmingham in this case) drinking lager at Five Am is one of the things we're absolutely unbeatable at.

A Weighty Issue...

I went to a strongman competition the other day. You know the kind of thing, lifting a car, pulling a truck etc. All a bit Geoff Capes and all good fun. The thing that struck me was that, whilst some competitors were well-muscled and oiled up and had all the girls drooling, a couple were a bit porky with no obvious definition to their big thick-set arms and legs.

Guess who had the most strength though? That’s right, the big lads who didn’t concentrate on how good they looked but on sheer strength and I thought there was a bit of a comparison in this to writing - bear with me I’m not mental!

You see a lot of writers harp on about their qualifications in creative writing (and by writers I don’t mean people that have made it onto Waterstones shelves and that you’ve heard of - I mean the people you haven’t) and how they’ve had ‘productive’ chats with agents and publishers etc and it’s only a matter of time. To me, they’re the showy ones who are flexing their ‘muscles’ to impress you but can’t really move the truck. Whilst they’re doing that though the people who aren’t shouting about what they’ve done or who they know, are quietly getting solid results with their work as they diligently go about learning their craft and applying their skills.

These are the people who will make the breakthroughs and ‘shift the truck’ (as well as loads of books!) and that’s the only reason I’ve put on weight lately...just so I can be a proper writer...

Honest!

Wild about Harry...

My continuing quest to immerse myself in Shakespeare and become both sophisticated (don't laugh man!)and broaden my literary horizons (as well as coming right out of my comfort zone) saw me attending the Creation Theatre production of Henry V last Thursday. It was staged in the magnificent surroundings of Oxford Castle (also a former prison...and yes...this was the first time I'd been there in any capacity!) and, thanks to an amazingly talented cast of only three men, was fantastic. I mentioned in a previous post how I was taken by the skill in a non-Geordie actor assimilating the world's finest accent (you all know which one that is!) into Shakespearean sonnets, well this company did it as well, faultlessly. I have to say that going that extra mile purely for this little old Novocastrian is a bit humbling...kissing my baldy pate at the end was overkill though lads!

Levelled!

Alreet,

It's been a canny month. I went to the Cropredy Music Festival (or Fairport Convention as it's also known) and spent three days off my face watching acts as diverse as Alice Cooper and 10CC before my own personal favourite The Levellers - they did a great set comprising mainly songs from their seminal 1990 album 'Levelling The Land' - a proper good weekend was had by all...unless they got to close to me and had to listen to me babbling on anyway!

I've finished 'The Spy Who Bluffed Me' and am just in the the process of tidying it up before submitting it for certain rejection to publishers everywhere...

Finally, I'm off to see 'Henry V' in the fantastic surroundings of Oxford Castle this week so that'll be mint. I'll let you know how that goes.

Cheers

ps - Every silver lining has a cloud - the fotball season started again and nowt's changed. Ashley is still a rapacious, greedy man, Pardew is still an incompetent chancer and Kinnear is still nothing more than a bad joke by a man who hates Geordies!

Shrew'd have thought it...?

Alreet?

Been a little while but there’s three extremely very good reasons for that:-

I’ve been very busy

I’m one lazy bugger

It was my birthday recently and I’ve been somewhat inebriated

Surely someone's jokin' 'ere...

I spent last weekend full to the gunnels with Portugese lager (‘Super Bock’ - 5.2% and 1.5 Euros per pint! Mint) and as a result my faculties may not have fully returned BUT...I’m sure I just saw that Joe Kinnear had been appointed ‘Director of Football’ at Newcastle United.