Andy Rivers's Blog, page 2

No-one had realised Bez was a Geordie...The observant amo...

No-one had realised Bez
was a Geordie...
The observant amongst you my have noticed that I'm a Newcastle supporter. Feel free to take the piss if you're one of life's glory hunters and 'support' a team that wins stuff even though your only link to the area they are based in  is that you once bought an Oasis record/Ryan Giggs shagged your lass/you've got a relative named Chelsey or you once sang 'Ferry Across The Mersey at a works Christmas do on the karaoke just before throwing up over the boss and punching the office junior. 
Like I say, feel free to take the piss as I already know I'm better than you...






Relegation now seems certain (McLaren hadn't been sacked at the time of writing - but he's not really the problem, just a symptom) so I was poking about the net looking for something to cheer me up - no, not a hitman who works for free when fat, tat-peddling, historic Northern institution wrecking, Tory wankers are the main target (although I'm sure there's a market eh...) but something amusing or inspiring and I found this on the Newcastle United Supporters Trust website - I think it may come in handy next year...
IF you can keep your name when other clubs Are losing theirs and blaming it on the latest coup, If you can trust yourself when Ashley betrays you, But make allowance for his betrayal too; If you can wait for him to go and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied to, don't believe his lies, Or being hated, don't give way to hating him, And yet don't like, nor talk of Dennis Wise:
If you can dream of promotion - and not make it your master; If you can drink brown ale - and not make fighting your aim; If you can meet with Ashley and Charnley - what a disaster And treat those two impostors with great shame; If you can hear the Gallowgate sing - then they have spoken Their bitter memories of McKeag, Gullit and Cort, If you can watch the team we give our lives to, broken, And stoop and build 'em up again with undying support:
If we can make one heap of all our winnings And risk it on last seasons’ utter dross, Relegation a chance to start again at our beginnings And never breathe a word about our loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after Ashley has gone, And so hold on lads ‘n’ lasses when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can play Scunthorpe or Swansea and keep your virtue, Or play with Man U or Chelsea and not lose the common touch, If neither mackems nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the pitch with determination and grit With ninety minutes' worth of distance run, Yours is (and always will be) St James’ Park and everything that's in it, And - which is more - you'll be a Geordie, my son!
By Geordie Kipling - exceedingly good kebabs

Byker Books: The End.

I started Byker Books back in 2008 with a vague notion of publishing the working class lads and lasses who weren't taken seriously by the big publishers or agents. The people who didn't have degrees in 'creative writing' but had crap jobs that sapped their souls instead, the people who didn't have a 'journey' to bore people to death with but did have an idea for a bloody good story that other people from the estates would enjoy, the people who didn't get glowing reports at their great schools but instead had to battle their siblings for the one pen in the house to write anything down before doing their paper round in the rain. 
That's who Byker Books was for. People like me. 
As you can imagine this has been a gut-wrenching decision for me as I started Byker Books in 2008 and at the time it was a much needed initiative for the kind of writer that I've detailed above but the advent of mass-market self-publishing of e-books has pretty much negated any need for that any more and it is now impossible for me to continue in the same vein as before.


Finally, I would like to pay tribute to the many authors I've published/met/drank with over the last eight years and to publicly thank them for allowing me the opportunity to publish their great work, it's been a fantastic experience and I wouldn't change it for the world. Ladies and gents I know you're mint so make sure you all go out and do yourselves..and me..proud!
It's been fucking brilliant.
Cheers
Rivs

Blood, Sweat and Beers! Now we're talking...

Can a seventeen stone, kebab munching, old-school gadgy really run a marathon? 
I became a publisher purely because the mainstream big boys didn't want my books (vampires were all the rage at the time and they couldn't see past pointy teeth and bland, carboard cut-out, personalityless victims/lovers - and there was no way I was setting a book in Sunderland!) So when I see something I like I just publish it - no managers to pitch it to, no shareholders to appease and no retail buyers to arse lick. When I read 'Blood, Sweat and Beers' by the mighty Graham March (mighty? He was seventeen fucking stone!) I decided to publish and I'm glad i did. read on to find out why Graham wrote it and you'll be glad I published it as well - particularly as it's currently on 99p on ya kindle!





Graham March on the writing of 'Blood, Sweat and Beers'
The literature to which I was exposed in my childhood and youth didn’t extend beyond The Beano, Shoot, Newcastle United match day programmes and The Viz. I would’ve Chinese burnt and stole the crayons of children who read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, had any attended my school. Beatrix Potter? A.A. Milne? C.S. Lewis and Roald Dahl? Versus a game of football with your mates? A fire to light in the woods? Pensioners’ doors to knock and scarper from (sorry about that, by the way)? No competition. For most children growing up working class in Tyneside during the '70s there was a particular rigid cycle into which you were snared. It was a cocooned environment where you moved seamlessly from your local school to whichever heavy industry employed your forefathers, where you drank down the club with kith and kin and where you invariably married a local lass. In exchange for cradle to grave work and welfare my forefathers gave the sweat of their brows. For better or worse, this simple but powerful model of social determinism was brutally smashed by the Thatcher government of the '80s. What emerged were people like me, educational refuseniks, fodder for the traditional industries which had just vanished in front of our eyes as we left school, wiping out our futures. Had I announced to my parents in the mid-80s that I was dropping out to be a novelist I’d have been kicked from pillar to post, before being marched down to Blaydon dole office to apply for any low-skilled, pre minimum waged job that was available. The sight of an angry, desperate matriarch dragging her errant son into the Job Centre by his ear as he proclaimed, “but mam, I’m a novelist”, while the clerks sniggered behind their desks was one to avoid during my image conscious teenage years. A spell in higher education recalibrated me to find a more productive niche in our new post industrial world and my career was back on track. I still wrote in my spare time, mainly articles for Newcastle United fanzines and a few stabs at writing novels which ended up in the bins of various agents in that there London. Nevertheless each rejection offered something in the learning process, I lied to myself. I tended to write stories which drew upon my areas of interest - sport, politics, current affairs, Indian take-aways, drinking, smoking and humour. Melding that lot into a ripping yarn wasn’t easy I can tell you, but I stuck to it, stoically refusing to embrace any other outside influences. I’d had one novel published in late 2010 but then spent the following two years, when not being sidetracked by life’s fripperies such as family life and work, trying to work out what to write next. The Blood, Sweat and Beers epiphany occurred whilst painting the bathroom one bleak winter’s day. Byker Books were looking for manuscripts of quirky sporting novels. While mulling that over between lacklustre brush strokes, former athlete Steve Cram came on the radio to talk about his Marathon of the North. Mid life crisis. Burgeoning beer belly. Bad lifestyle choices. This marathon could cure all of these evils and provide an interesting story in the process. I had my idea for a book which would cover topics such as...sport, politics, current affairs, Indian take-aways, drinking, smoking and humour. The brush strokes quickened. I began running and writing. Not at the same time, obviously. I then experienced the law of unintended consequences. Men from Tyneside council estates are as in touch with their sensitive sides as much as Dirty Harry Callahan was. Gazing into the flickering laptop screen, I was confronted with the uncomfortable realisation that I had to expose myself by talking about my past experiences in order to explain how they influenced the present. This was an oddly difficult thing to do. It wasn't that I had any particularly deep-seated psychological hang ups from my past to exorcise, quite the opposite. It was difficult simply because I was a male working class Geordie. Talking about one’s inner feelings publicly is akin to expressing your love of Sunderland AFC. We don’t do that sort of thing round here. If you met with your mates and began to raise issues of male angst you’d quickly end up drinking alone, before being burned out of your home and driven from your village by a pitchfork-wielding vigilante mob. I contacted Byker Books with an outline of my idea and their reply, although non-committal, was encouraging. Or was that just to get rid of me? If that was their tactic it failed miserably. The editor was given regular updates on progress, both on my writing and running. This was mainly to let him know our tab smoking, beer swilling, take-away loving, long-distance running narrator hadn't suffered a fatal coronary. Once the idea for Blood, Sweat and Beers popped into my head the format pretty much worked itself out. My dubious lifestyle choices combined with my complete lack of will power would see an offbeat, “non-traditional” running story emerging. A tension would build up around whether I would or wouldn't actually finish the marathon course. The book was published a few months ago as an e-book and managed to get to number 1 in the Running and Jogging chart. Blood, Sweat and Beers may appear at first glance to be the haphazard musings of a middle aged man semi structured around a marathon training regime. In reality I was hauling along a lifetime of socially determined lifestyle choices. Every cigarette smoked, pint drank, press up, sit up, kebab and phal curry ate and the reasons why I consumed them, were transported with me on the course to influence my finishing time. Think of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance meets Leonard “Oz” Osborne from Auf Wiedersehen Pet. Those influences may not have helped to turn me into a Geordie Gazelle, but they ended up forming a half-decent...well that's my opinion anyway, you'll have to make your own mind up... 
'Blood, Sweat & Beers' is available for only 99p for a limited time (24.12 - 27.12) on your Kindle or Kindle app - click this LINK for details.

Welcome to BookD...oh...and Merry Christmas!

Hello again,

I've been a busy boy lately - no, nothing you'll read about in the Sunday tabloids...not this week anyway - but you will be able to read about it. That's because, I've put together a digital publication that'll run weekly with all of the choice cuts of articles, reviews and news from the world of British fiction around the net.



I'm a big fan of The i Paper (subscriber even!) and wondered if it would be possible to do something like it within the world of books and writing, so I had a go and the result is 'BookD'. It's obviously still in the early stages but I think over time it vould grow into a really comprehensive and regular round-up of everything that's going on, a one-stop shop for interviews, reviews and news. Anyway, please take a look as I'd be interested to know what you think and where I could improve it...oh...and tell ya mates eh?



Right that's it from me for this year, It's been great getting myself back on the blog - I hope you've enjoyed my ramblings (we both know that I'm not arsed if you didn't ;-) )- and all that's left is to wish you and yours a fantastic Christmas and a happy new year. Cheers. Rivs

Byker Booked!

As well as being a writer, layabout and all-round top bloke I also run a small, independent press named Byker Books. We've had some surprise hits over the years (surprised me anyway!) and have acquired a decent reputation. I've let it slide a bit recently as I sought to kickstart my own writing career again but the publishing bug just wouldn't let go so...













...we've announced a submissions window for new novels next year!

 



The basic criteria is they're British and working-class, other than that it's a case of us liking them more than anything else. If you check out our Facebook page and/or Group then you'd be able to get more of a feel for the whole 'Byker' way of doing things, similarly you could buy one of our present list as we've got a special Christmas offer on. Only FIVE English pounds gets you one of our current tomes with FREE P&P and a FREE book thrown in as well. There's worse ways to research something eh?

Check us out at www.bykerbooks.co.uk and see what you think - hurry though, it's only while stocks last!

Cheers

Rivs

Learning Japanese I think I'm learning Japanese...

I've been in Japan (get me eh!) and it was mint. I took the liberty of learning about three words while I was there and they stood me in good stead. I learned 'Thank you very much', 'Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening' and, crucially, 'Two beers please'.

There'll be numerous blog posts to follow this about what a top place it is  (unless I flog them to travel mags obviously!) but, whilst I get over the jet lag and remove my head from my arse, here's a few pics to be going on with :-

How the fuck do you eat soup with chopsticks like...?
So civilised...
Northern 'Monkey Magic'....
Making myself cleverer in the time-honoured Buddhist way - you wouldn't understand man..
Having a 'quiet' drink with my new mates in Hiroshima.
My contribution to the notes of peace and love stuck on the bar whilst having said 'quiet' drink...
Bringing real culture to a thousand year old temple...hey ho...

The Byker Tapes - Pete Sortwell

Yes I know I'm late for the interview...
In my capacity as number one top banana at the global publishing behemoth (or foul-mouthed, gobshite press - you choose!) that is Byker Books I've broken bread with some of the more interesting people in the world of literature and it struck me that you might like to read some bits of my conversations with them... This time around it's top lad Pete Sortwell...





So, Pete, what’s happening?

Think we've all been there...

It’s all go, or half go, which is my new speed. I used to be a bit more productive but now I have a few more mouths to feed, I need to make myself more available to the said mouth for bouts of screaming now and again. I’ve just re-released 'So Low So High', which was the first novel I wrote. It’s been off the shelves for a couple of months after I initially signed a contract with a publisher, that just didn’t work. (I know, I know, I should have signed with Byker) It all got a bit messy in the end, but thankfully I was able to relate the problems I was having to the contract and with a few emails I was released and am able to use the knowledge I’ve learned self publishing to get it back out there, hopefully with a bit more success this time.
I’ve also been working on a book for a while, 'Arseda: the worlds worst customer service',  which is basically screen shots of me pretending to be a supermarket on Twitter, answering the actual supermarkets complaints for them, until the person complaining realised it was a wind up. It’s going to be out before Christmas, I’m also going to be releasing another one called ‘Live Shat’ which is a little similar to 'Arseda', but the shoe is on the other foot. Me pretending to be a customer and winding up genuine workers for various companies. You're a bad man Sortwell! Who would you say inspired you to take up the pen initially? Two people actually, One: my father, who wrote a Kids educational book about dinosaurs, which was sat in my school library.  I think it was seeing that that created an almost magical view of books, in that they last longer than the bags of blood, bone and water, that is the human race. Then secondly (and this has a link to Byker books) Danny King. He wrote The Burglar Diaries (fucking great book! So was it's sequel More Burglar Diaries ...ahem - Rivs) Reading this book was a revelation to me, I didn’t realise you could write books in the fashion that you’d tell a story to a mate down the pub. I think I first read Danny’s work in 2002, it took me eight years to get the courage to have a go myself with So Low So High.
What are you reading at the minute then (apart from my new book ‘Special’ obviously)?
Latest? that was out ages ago.  You need to up your game Rivers. I’m actually going through a biography/ true crime period at the moment, I’ve just finished Mike Tyson’s undisputed truth and I’m now reading a book about the Tunbridge Wells cash robbery. These are the types of books I started out reading way back and it’s nice to revisit every now and then, more so since every other crime book isn’t by a taxi driver who used to light Ronnie Kray’s fags.  - Although i’m fairly sure there’ll be more of them, what with the new film out. Do you find that your family and friends all reckon you’re writing about them and get arsey about it?
I’ve had a few people think so. I wrote The Village Idiot Reviews. I’m from a village and I’m told there’s been a few people buy the book to check out who they think they know in there. Sadly for them I wasn’t stupid enough to model any characters in that book on anyone I know. I can’t remember her name but there was a lady that did something similar, set a story in a village and basically just changed the names of people and pointed out their defects. I think it was done with the level of skill of calling the real Mr Smith - Mr Smyth or something. I can’t be sure but I don’t think she’s welcome in the village pub at Christmas these days.  There is always the temptation to make a character based on someone you really don’t like from your past. I don’t give in to it though, the arseholes in my past can stay there and they ain’t getting as much as a full stop from me, let alone a character. ‘So Low, So High’ is a bit of a page turner and the main character is very easy to relate to - how hard was it to write that?
Why would it be hard for me to write an easy to relate for character? Are you saying I’m some sort of social reject?
Well…..
It wasn't that hard really, I made him a bit nasty in the beginning but slowly remove the curtain to show his real side.  If I've learnt anything in the last five years writing it is that I need to show a bit more of the nice side early on rather than wait to do it. Any advice you could give the unpublished wannabe’s out there?
In the words of international inspiration, Floyd Mayweather: Just hard work. That’s the only thing that works. Some people might get lucky but the chances are it won’t be you so you have to work hard Do you fancy a bit of ‘Strictly’ to raise your profile?
Piss off. You may be theatrical  but I’m a bit more reserved.  Big Brother is more me. (if they let me do it without sleeping there - that’s weird) Who would play you in the film of your life? 
You? (You're not that lucky son! Rivs) And what sort of soundtrack would you like playing?
In my head, the Streets, Audio Bullies or something. In reality, Jason Donovan, probably. Finally, if you could have been in your favourite film which character would you have liked to have been and why?
Buster Edwards, I think. Except for the bit where he kills himself. That was a low point. I think being involved in something like the Great Train Robbery would have been good, but to act it would have been better as you wouldn’t have to do any time or actually kill yourself at the end. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Pete for his time and wish him further success with his writing career (like he needs my help there…!) and hope he writes a book about a fifteen stone, wisecracking, damn-handsome, skinhead from Byker sometime soon!

Heads up on a cheap heads down!

Just a quicky to let you know about a discount deal on three of my favourite short reads from Byker Books in recent years. They're all 99p on the Kindle for the next few days and they're all quirky, down and dirty British council estate fiction and they're fucking brill! Read on for details...



Things To Do Before You DieJason is bored. Bored of his friends, his surroundings and his life. Then Izzy appears and suggests they kill someone! He's not sure but at least it's something to do before he dies...






One Day In The Life Of Jason Dean
JASON DEAN is a hitman with a penchant for fine literature, poetry and classical music. He loves Shostakovich, and adores his little girl, Sophie. And he hates Wagner. Everything he stands for.
Mind you, with three jobs to do for mad Micky Archer and a heart that is breaking by the minute, Wagner is the least of his problems . . .





Bang, Bang, You're Dead!
Fresh out of prison, Sam is back home and determined to turn his life around. Be the man his family needs him to be. But it’s not so easy going straight when you’re friends with Jonno. Drawn into a drugs deal involving petty local gangs, things quickly take a turn for the worse when he discovers the notorious Nolan brothers are involved. With simmering rivalries coming to the fore, Sam has to decide between new and old loyalties. And with old sores over his brother’s death being picked at, it’s not so simple. Especially when you have a gun in your pocket.

Just click HERE to check them out on Amazon and get a kindle bargain!
Rivs

I get around...too!

Ever been to Porto in Portugal? No? Are you mental - it's mint man! Anyway, next time you're planning a bit of city break action you could do a lot worse than this place. Not only was it picturesque, authentic and interesting it was about two euros for a bottle of Super-Bock! And that was in the tourist area...

Oh go on then...




Get the funicular from the riverside at bottom of Louis Bridge(cheap) it's one way to the top where you can check out the churchy thing and then walk over the train bridge for stunning views along the Douro river and surrounding area.Try a bottle of super bock stout (still cheap!) at a riverside cafe bar. The food and drink prices are very reasonable,­ you'll be surprised.Get the cable car (5 Euros when I did it a few years ago) from the top of bridge down to the Gaia area and explore the shops bars and restaurants in the riverside complex.Once in Gaia visit a port makers 'cave' ­ I recommend Ramos Pinto (at the time it was 5 Euros for a tour and you got two glasses of port at the end to sample) it's right on the river, you can't miss it as its the only one with a museum dedicated to the founder who was a man way ahead of his time!Book a table at Tapa Jimao on Praca Da Ribeira (by the river) and treat yourself to excellent tapas, friendly staff and great prices. I'd recommend the black pudding and honey sausage dishes -­ they're class!Try a boat trip along the river to see the six bridges that connect the town to Gaia at 10 Euros for around an hour its good value. Go into the city and check out the 'Lello Bookstore' 144 R. das Carmelitas - It's amazing (see pic below)   Quality!Just get a bottle of water, grab your city map and explore! There's an interesting building on every corner of this great destination.Go on have a look man - we're not here long after all...
Later
Rivs   

The Byker Tapes - Christopher Brookmyre.

Whit? Nae Buckfast?

In my capacity as number one top banana at the global publishing behemoth (or foul-mouthed, gobshite press - you choose!) that is Byker Books I've broken bread with some of the more interesting people in the world of literature and it struck me that you might like to read some bits of my conversations with them...






So here's a few bits from an intervew with the mighty Christopher Brookmyre a few years ago :-

You know how it is - you’re walking aimlessly along the road in one of Britain’s Spa towns, you’re miles from home and feeling like a fish out of water when you catch the faint tinkle of a Northern accent. You strain your ears to the point of bursting their drums just to work out where it’s coming from and rapidly come to the conclusion that it’s over there. Near that bookshop with the picture of mega famous Scottish author Christopher Brookmyre in the window and a sign about some appearance that day.  You get jostled by the crowds of people waiting outside with books in their hands and head for the chip shop next door where the voice came from. Ten minutes later and with yet another star interview safely under your belt you locate the train station and head back to civilisation...and it only cost you a deep fried mars bar.

So Chris, you seem to have a penchant for creating likeable rogues. Your protagonists generally have some naughty features about them but are always the type of person you’d like to go for a drink with (personally I ‘d love to go on the lash with Jack Parlabane) – How do you make them so believable? 

I’ve never liked my heroes to be squeaky clean or to be too clean cut, I think the best crime fiction always exists in a kind of moral borderland. I like my villains to be strangely likeable and my heroes to be slightly untrustworthy or just to have an edge to them. I got bored by a lot of British crime writing years ago simply because the main characters were so miserable, they tried to make them as plausible as possible but that also made them really dull. You wouldn’t want to go for a drink with the any of them as they’d just go on about their failed marriages and drink problems.

What have you lashed all the millions on then – Executive box at St Mirren, Irn Bru and deep fried mars bars or champagne and caviar?

(laughs) There’s no been any millions…an executive box at St Mirren wouldn’t cost very much! 
I usually pay three hundred quid at the annual Saints day where you basically pay to play on the pitch and the manager gets involved as well. I’ve actually scored a few goals at Love Street.....probably more than the strikers!

You’re renowned, amongst us anyway, for your swearing (which we positively fucking relish) and the way your books are set in the real world (which we also love) - but did you find that any kind of barrier when you were starting out?

My editors have been, if anything, encouraging me to turn it up. There’s never been any request to tone it down. At the start of ‘Quite Ugly One Morning’ the original draft of the opening chapter started with a policeman running out of the flat, skidding on vomit, hitting the bannister of the close at midriff level and puking on two other coppers coming up the stairs. My editor said that she thought that was one puke too far but that’s the only thing she’s ever asked me to tone down. They’ve never asked me to tone down the language or anything.

Who would play you in the film of your life?

Some kind of CGI effect rather than an actor I think...there’s no one that looks like me

James Nesbitt?

(Big Laughs) No…too tall...

Thats just a taster - you can see the full interview over at the Byker Books site by clicking HERE! 
Cheers
Rivs